One of those ways is by intentionally spending less in order to give away more. But, I don’t want to leave people hanging without giving alternative suggestions for gift giving.

So, I’m looking for some ideas. Things that generally fit into one of 3 categories:

Give Your Presence
Presents that are more relationally geared. Experiences that you do together…presents that give your time to spend with a person.

Give From Your Talents
Creating gifts based on what you’re able to do and create on your own. DIY and homemade gifts would fit with this.

Give Gifts That Do More
Presents that when you buy them, you’re giving more than just that gift. Like TOMS Shoes

I’ve got a bunch of ideas started, but I know that there’s a ton more that you have that are probably better than most of mine. In fact, I know some of you do these kinds of things already every year. You’ve got a lot of stuff to share.

So, let’s hear what you’ve got…help us out!

From my own reading the last couple of years, here’s what I think are the top 5 books on preaching that will never be assigned in a class on preaching:

5. How Can The Bible Be Authoritative by N.T. Wright
Ok, my first one isn’t technically a book, although N.T. Wright did write a book specifically on this later, but I’m still a fan of this lecture personally. The way we approach the Bible in our messages teaches the people who listen to us how to approach the Bible. Many of us are missing the mark maybe not in how we read it, but in how we preach it, and are falling into one of Wright’s Authority Problems.

4. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont or On Writing by Stephen King
I’m having a hard time deciding between these two. They both are books about writing that have given me some great insight into preaching regularly. I read them both originally at the same time, so in some ways they both blur together for me. But, what I learned is that there is a lot of crossover between what it is to write regularly and what it is to speak regularly. There’s some great inspiration as well as great practical advice.

3. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
This book isn’t about speaking or communicating, but instead about creativity and the battle to release creativity. So much of what he talks about regarding “The Resistance” can easily be applied to crafting a message. I have a few books on my need to read every year list, and this has become one of them.

2. Communicating for Change by Andy Stanley
I’m honestly not sure why this one isn’t included more often at least in introductory courses to preaching. Maybe it’s because it’s a simple read, but it’s some great thoughts by one of the leading communicators in the church today. While he gets a little too systematic at times for me, I think he provides a really helpful framework in what makes an effective sermon.

1. Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath
One of the best books written on why some messages resonate with people and others don’t. While it’s more directed towards marketing, it easily applies to what makes an effective sermon. Understanding the “Curse of Knowledge” alone makes this book worthwhile.

Those of you who regularly speak in front of audiences, what other books would you recommend that would probably never get assigned?

Don’t.

We tend to do a better job at being a peer than at trying to be a mentor. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be mentoring people, it just means that you won’t be arrogant and trying too hard to impart your special information.

In my experience, the people who do the best job of mentoring me treat me like a peer. They ask my advice about situations, they take notes on things that I’m talking about, they’re interested in my ideas. Even though they clearly have more to offer me than I do to them, they don’t see our time as an opportunity for them to impart their information to me, but as a time of mutual learning.

If you want to be a good mentor, stop trying to be a mentor and start figuring out how to be a better peer.

2. Initiate conversations and spend time with those people

3. Don’t freak them out. Remember, don’t make it formal

That’s it…It’s not rocket science people

Tomorrow: Being a Mentor

• Women dressing up as Snow White in ways I am sure Snow White would not approve of
• 40 year old men as Mickey Mouse
• The fact that some store sells Mickey Mouse Suits in an adult XXL
• My kids waking up in the morning asking for candy for breakfast
• The 15 year old guy who comes to the door in a t-shirt, jeans and a trash bag saying “trick or treat”, and just stares blankly when we ask him what he’s supposed to be

What else would you add?

1. Look for several different people
One of the mentoring myths is that we need to find the one person who can invest totally in us. I think that’s putting too much pressure and too much responsibility on one person. What’s worked better for me is to find several people who I want to regularly connect with, who I would consider mentors. It changes what you’re looking for

2. Look for people who have wisdom, and have a similar mindset
There is nothing new under the sun. The things that you’re passionate about, the way that you’re wired, the hopes and dreams that you have…someone has already been down a similar path. Actually, probably quite a few people.

3. Look for people who have wisdom, and are totally different
You’re missing out if you are a strong leader and only look for people who you consider to be strong leaders. Someone may have incredible wisdom and be a total behind the scenes unnoticed servant. That person has something incredibly rich to offer the strong leader.

4. Look for people who have wisdom to offer in a specific area
There might be someone who you respect their parenting, or money management or leadership ability. The great thing about considering several people as your mentors is that you get to glean great info from a lot of different sources

5. Look for people you will never get to meet
There are all kinds of incredible people who have something great to offer you who you will never get to meet. Don’t discount being mentored from afar by great authors, blogs and podcasts. I always try to meet people who have influenced me from a far, and have gotten several great opportunities, but the reality is that most of them I won’t get to spend regular time with in person. But I can take advantage of the great things that they’re writing. They may not be sitting across the coffee table from me, but they are mentoring me.

On Monday: How to find a mentor

What do you look for in a mentor?

It’s a documentary that follows Jerry Seinfeld. After his TV show ends, he does an HBO special using a bunch of the great material that he’s built up over the years. And then he throws it all away and starts from scratch.

Totally unheard of. You don’t do that. Comedians work in new material and try it out in the midst of stuff they know that works. But not Seinfeld. He threw out a routine that had taken him over 20 years to get down, and starts over. He wanted to see if he still had what it takes and to not just revert to what had become his default.

I revert to my default way too often. When I’m getting annoyed with the kids, instead of using creativity and thoughtfulness in how I engage the problem, I revert to my default discipline. When I’m stuck on a sermon, instead of trying a new approach to it, I revert to my default way of looking at it.

We revert to our default all of the time…it’s what’s easiest and what we’re most comfortable with.

What if you threw everything out and started over? Part of the beauty of Comedian is not the routine that he comes up with at the end – in fact, you don’t even get to see the whole thing – because that’s not the point. The beauty is seeing and living in the process of starting from scratch and not reverting to default.

I’ve learned to not ask that question. It puts too much expectation on both people and oftentimes the people who are worth being mentored by don’t have the time to have the burden shifted to them. Mentoring someone has all kinds of connotations for people that make it hard for them to overcome and as a result, very few tend to respond well to being asked that question.

Here’s what I’ve learned in this regard:

1. Ask people to connect with you, not to mentor you
This makes it feel less formal and doesn’t put weird expectations on the person who you look up to. People can mentor you without having an official title. Most of the people who I consider mentors in my life are people who I’ve never officially asked to mentor me

2. You are the one who needs to bear the burden
You need to be the one who regularly contacts them to set up a time for lunch or coffee. You need to take the initiative

3. You are the one who needs to be prepared
Instead of expecting them to show up with all kinds of wisdom to impart with a mentoring curriculum or plan, you should instead come with a list of questions. Things you’re wrestling through, things you know they have expertise in that you want to pick their brain in, etc. I find you get better responses in these kinds of situations anyways if you’re asking questions rather than them coming with something to teach you

4. Make it regular, but not scheduled
As soon as it becomes a thing that you do the first Friday of every month at lunch, over time it starts to feel more and more formal. I keep notes in my todo list to regularly contact people who I consider mentors. It takes more work in scheduling to try and constantly be arranging something rather than having a scheduled regular meeting time, but I find that it helps it to feel less formal, which in turn turns it into a better time together.

Again, this is just what’s worked for me and what has helped in my personal experience.

Tomorrow: What to look for in a mentor?

Having done this a couple of times now, I’ve learned a few things:

• Everything we teach is vision
  The vision of the church is conveyed not by a special once a year vision message, but instead by what we teach on week-in, week-out. If I believe that the vision of the church is really something that flows out of a team (which I do), then I have to allow that same team to help shape and craft the messages that will be delivered
• If I’m the only one coming up with message ideas, we will miss a lot
  I’ve got certain slants and passions when it comes to what I want to talk about and convey to the church. If we only talk about the things that I dream up in the way I think of it, we shortchange what the church will hear. As we looked over the message series we’ve done this year already, I think we realized that only about half of them actually came from me originally.
• My messages are richer when I’ve had a chance to hear from others
  We spent a bit of time on one of our series for next year trying to define how we understand a particular topic, what it is, what Jesus is actually saying about it and what we need to convey. We even ended up having to table it and revisit it later, to only have another long conversation about it. Our messages in that series will be richer because of the discussion that we had
• I need more people to understand and buy into what we’re teaching
  Many of the people besides me who will deliver messages next year were a part of this meeting. Which means that when they get their weeks that they’re speaking, they’ll already have a pretty good idea of where we want to head with it. It also means that when there’s push back about what we’re teaching on, there’s already a group of people who are sold on it and have my back.
• When we’ve got an idea of what we’re talking about for the next year, it gives everyone a lot more time to prepare
  I can be gathering info for message research, people can be thinking about great follow up ideas and practical ways to engage the church in what we’re talking about, and we can take advantage of the ebb and flow of attendance, holidays, and see a big picture of the flow of the kinds of things that we’re talking about
• I love my team, and love getting to spend time with them
  Although we decided not to go somewhere this year to save on finances, we made sure to still spend time just being with each other and not working, since that’s one of the benefits of a retreat. We had meals together, stayed later than we would have for a normal work day, just sat around and talked and walked to get ice cream. I really do love the people I work with, and spending concentrated time like this with them makes me appreciate them all the more.

We’ve got some good stuff planned for next year…