The Mid Life Opportunity

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 20:02:00 +0100

Losing Weight in Midlife: One Step at a Time

Exercise. Weight loss. If those two phrases strike fear into your heart or fill you with guilt, you’re definitely not alone. We’re bombarded with research telling us that exercising in midlife helps to stave off heart disease, stroke, dementia, perhaps cancer. Also, maintaining a healthy weight range helps too. But that doesn’t necessarily make us more likely to get off the couch now, does it?

Don’t worry. There is hope. And it’s not quite as difficult as you might think. Let’s take a look at some of the research.

Stop Feeling Guilty over Gaining Weight

There’s no doubt that many people at midlife struggle with weight gain. However, there’s no point feeling guilty about it because it’s not anything you’ve done wrong. It’s just what happens, especially for women.

A comprehensive review in late 2012 by the International Menopause Society found that menopause does not cause a woman to gain weight. Nevertheless, the hormonal changes at this time are associated with a change in the way fat is distributed, which leads to more belly fat. Irrespective of whether women do or do not gain weight at midlife following menopause, women experience a change in their fat stores to their abdomen because of a drop in estrogen.

Of course, the review’s authors also emphasised the need for keeping weight gain in check because it is part of staying healthy as we age.

Health in Midlife: Not just about Weight Loss

But weight loss isn’t the be all and end all. That takes the pressure off a bit, doesn’t it? Instead, a combination of ‘healthy behaviours’ is a better approach (which of course makes it both less and more difficult.)

A current study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that engaging in a combination of healthy behaviours, such as not smoking, moderate alcohol consumption, exercise and eating fruits and vegetables daily makes it significantly more likely people will stay healthy as they age.

“Successful ageing” was defined as maintaining the ability to function well with cognitive skills, respiratory function, good mobility, mental health and no chronic diseases such as stroke, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, or disability at age 60 years and above. The study’s authors found that although individual healthy behaviours are moderately associated with successful ageing, their combined impact is substantial.

One Step at a Time

Of course, there’s still the problem of how to start these ‘healthy behaviours’ — or more importantly, how to maintain them. Recent research from the US suggests it might be as simple as the number of steps you take a day.

Moving 6,000 or more steps a day — no matter how — adds up to a healthier life for women, particularly in their midlife. That level of physical activity decreases the risk of diabetes and metabolic syndrome (a diabetes precursor and a risk for cardiovascular disease), according to a study published in ‘Menopause’, the journal of the North American Menopause Society.

Although other studies show the value of structured exercise in lowering health risks such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease, this study showed that habitual physical activity — whether it came from exercising or activities of daily living — has the power to improve women’s health.

Active women (those who took 6,000 steps or more) in the study were much less likely to be obese, have metabolic syndrome or frank diabetes (whether or not they had menopause and whether or not they used therapy) than the inactive ones

It seems the path to weight loss and healthier living in midlife might begin with 6,000 steps!

Sharon Freeman is an Australian freelance writer and blogger. She loves coaching, speaking and reviewing companies

What Is a Mid Lifer?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:19:00 GMT

Simplistically, we might conclude that a Mid Lifer is someone between the ages of say, mid thirties to late fifties. Mid Life, though, is a state of mind as much as a physical age. So you may be older (or younger) and still consider yourself to be a Mid Lifer.

Typically, many of your habits will be set – you know what you like to drink, the type of holidays that you enjoy, the clothes that you wear and your hobbies, for example. These won’t be set in stone and may change as you grow older but by and large, you know who you are and you know what you want.

Some Mid Lifers may have young families as they have delayed parenthood whilst enjoying their youth. Others may have a young family with a second partner. At the other end of the family spectrum, some Mid Lifers will have seen their children leave home and this may lead to life changing decisions – moving house, reviewing their career, taking early retirement for example.

Mid Lifers may be carers for their elderly parents or they may have experienced the trauma of their parents passing away.

Many Mid Lifers spent their youth swearing that there would never be a generation gap between them and their children – then finding themselves wondering why their offspring listen to ‘such mindless music’ and have such odd hairstyles.

Some Mid Lifers will feel that they’ve reached the top of the ‘bell curve’ and it’s all downhill from here. These are the people that often experience a ‘mid life crisis’ with all the negative aspects that this holds for them and their family and friends.

This will be the future for some Mid Lifers but it doesn’t have to be. As Henry Ford once famously said ‘Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you’re usually right’. So mid life may be a time of retrospection and review and your conclusion may be that your best days are behind you. More positively, you might conclude that the experience and learning that you’ve gained in your younger years provide you with the springboard to greater things in the second half of your life.

Life is always full of opportunities – the trick is in recognising them for what they are.

The Mid Life Opportunity highlights all of the positive aspects of Mid Life whilst also recognising that not everyone is in this happy place.

If you have issues with your career, finances, relationships or your health you will be able to find Advice and Guidance from experts in their field. Experts who can help you to see that your coping skills, experiences, maturity and accumulated wisdom can increase your confidence and show you the way through your current crisis to a brighter future.

Thanks for your interest in The Mid LifeOpportunity and do please join the community and add your voice.

Are you Ready to Reshape your Career and Redesign your Life?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 12:09:00 +0100

Steve Preston runs a series of very engaging masterclasses, all aimed at helping people to move on to the next phase of their career.

Steve's latest class is running in London on Nov 11th 2012 and is entitled 'How Colourful is Your Umbrella - creating your canopy of choice'.

Do these apply to you?:

Fed up with the 9-5 grind
Searching for greater freedom, choice and fulfillment
Would love to turn interests and passions into income streams
Thinking about taking up a Portfolio Career
Have lots of ideas for a business, but can't decide which path to take
Struggling to achieve your full potential.

If so, then 'How Colourful is Your Umbrella' may be the course for you.

For full details, click here: How Colourful is Your Umbrella?

If you can't get to London on 11th November, Steve also has a number of other courses which may be of interest and which can be purchased online: I Want a Career Change

Please mention The Mid Life Opportunity when booking.

A Solution To The Middle-Aged Blahs?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 17:07:00 +0100

Guest Post by Suzie Hammond

So the birthday numbers keep rolling around and you’ve passed 45, and then 50, and life has definitely settled into that middle aged comfort zone. You know the word ‘boring’ could be applied to your existence.

Some of the options we reviewed to overcome this dreaded problem were taking skydiving lessons in thunderstorms, joining a gang of rabid food co-op junkies, and turning our house into a modern artwork complete with splatter paintings inside and out. We were afraid the splatter paint option would attract city citations we didn’t want to pay though.

So we took what seemed to be a less drastic action. We moved. We moved to a completely different area of the country actually, and then a few years later later to a life overseas. We took on our middle age and made it into a lifestyle challenge.

You might want to consider it. What would your life be like somewhere else?

The excitement of choosing a likely front running candidate for our new adventure was a bit of a secret at first. The criteria we set was strict but similar to what most middle-age ex-hippies want;

a) There had to be work there for people in middle age

b) Also interesting things to do

c) And a reasonable amount of safety for a couple who had slowed down but were still darned lively.

d) And of course life had to be affordable with some of our favorite comforts readily available. (No use moving and discovering we could only afford to live in the poorest end of town.)

Once the destination decision was made then we had to tell every one we were relocating. Dealing with numerous howls of outrage and the helpful advice that we were mildly insane wasn’t enjoyable, but looking forward to a new life was. Many charges of ‘middle aged crisis’ were leveled at us but we persevered, while privately worrying they might be right.

Next was the turmoil and less fun job of packing. By middle age you’ve accumulated huge piles of ‘stuff’. The relocating served the fabulous end of actually sorting out what was important in life. When was the last time you used that waffle iron? That outfit you bought 5 years ago and paid a lot of money for and wore twice? That 1959 Ford transmission and hulk in the garage you bought 13 years ago that you were going to restore but haven’t gotten around to yet? The universal consensus amongst people who have done it seems to be that it is amazing how free you feel when you let go of many of your things. It somehow seems to open you up to new possibilities because you aren’t tied to useless things anymore. (The things we were sure we couldn’t live without went into storage literally and figuratively.)

Finding a place to live, unpacking and settling in to your new area can be a good deal of work but it serves up another overdue evaluation opportunity. What is comfortable for a couple or older family in terms of accommodation? Do you really need 3500sf of house? Etc.

After a while the newness of where to find the post office and the best-priced grocery store will wear off. Meantime fresh escapades will abound. New friends and novel unexplored activities are there for the having. Many of these experiences we would never have had with such depth and satisfaction in our last home. (It is pretty hard to help clean up the beach on weekends if you live in landlocked croplands for instance.)

Most middle aged people who relocate find that the new place helped them grow as people in many unexpected ways. Not that people wouldn’t have grown where they were before of course. But the figurative rising mud of complacency and easy comfort around your ankles in your old home makes it harder to look for those new experiences in your old and familiar area.

Relocating thrusts us all into situations that insist we develop new capabilities, unless we fancy staying home and watching TV all day. The extreme solution of relocating found us making efforts to fit in and make a difference to our new communities. Comparing notes with others we’ve found they too got involved and active more than before.

It may seem a radical solution to the situation but it was right for us and a surprisingly large slice of middle age people. Big changes in life are labeled ‘big’ for a reason. There are unexpected twists and turns to your plans. Sometimes solving the problems requires the ingenuity displayed by our children when they were young. With little effort they could come up with 30 ways to do anything we didn’t want them to. We could all use more brain exercise and the challenges of relocating and making a new a new life for yourself certainly do that.

Think it over and see if this might be a good route for you too.

Author; Suzie Hammond: I Don't Know Where I Want to Be-- But it Isn't Here!

Overweight or Underweight?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 16:49:00 +0100

As we grow older, many of us find that the excess pounds creep up on us. It is all too easy to become overweight and much more difficult to lose those extra pounds. Midlife tends to be the tipping point for a lot of people when they 'stop trying' to lose weight and give in to the inevitability of being heavier.

We can see how large or small we are compared to those around us but not those in other countries. A new tool has been developed which lets all of us compare ourselves to other people and the national average for our country. When you have a spare 5 minutes, enter your details into the Global Fat Scale and see how you compare. Does your body compare with someone your age in Mauritius, Vietnam or Samoa? Fascinating.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance is available from the members of The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join here FREE!

The Three Rules to Midlife Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 18:26:00 +0100

The 3 Basic Rules to Ensure Your Midlife Happiness

Rule 1: Be happy in your own Time

Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections, boob jobs, bum lifts and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own Skin

We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women (and quite a few men) are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 1) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own Life

Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 2) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.

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Your Children and Mid-Life Dating

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 18:40:00 GMT

Guest Post by Cara Michaels

As your grown children get older, they may become more protective and territorial of you as their parent.
The roles somehow seem to reverse and many adult children see themselves in the role of caring for you. If you are someone who has become interested in dating and your children are resistant to the idea, you need to sit down with them. Have a good old-fashioned conversation about your needs and what the boundaries are between you.

If you are divorced or widowed, it’s natural for your children to feel protective when you express your interest in dating. They know what a jungle the dating world can be. Also, they probably want to protect you from any scammers that are often prevalent when meeting someone online. Of course, the obvious reason they are reluctant to have you date, is that they don’t want to share with you anyone else and feel a great loyalty to your departed spouse.

You need to explain carefully to your children, that your wanting to date has nothing to do with lack of loyalty to your ex or deceased spouse. Explain that you are interested in moving forward with your life and you are looking for companionship. It’s very difficult for children, even grown children, to see their parent as a man or a woman. They only see them as Mum or Dad, and they don’t typically take into consideration what your social needs may be.

If you are not Internet-savvy, this is a perfect opportunity to ask your children to help you get up and running on a dating website. This will make them feel less excluded as you take your next step into the dating world. In all likelihood, they will be able to offer you great tips and advice for creating an effective online profile and even help you select some of the dates you would ultimately like to meet.

Convince your children that this is a healthy move forward for you and assure them that you will enter this new phase of your life carefully yet confidently. Perhaps you’re not even looking for the next love of your life; you simply want to go online in order to meet activity partners and such. Explain this fact as well and your children will be certain to understand. After all, you cannot continue to count on them for your social life since they have their own lives to lead. By seeking a dating life, you are asserting your independence and moving forward in a happy and positive way. Your children will more than likely understand this is a healthy decision.

Author Bio: Cara Michaels is constantly sought after by friends and family for dating and relationship advice. She has taken her knowledge to the web and frequently writes for OnlineDatingSites.net.

Grants for World War II Veterans - Can You Help?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 17:01:00 GMT

Many Midlifers have parents and grandparents who fought in World War II. A grant is available during 2012 to enable these veterans to revisit the theatres of war in which they fought.

The letter published below, from Ted Cachart, gives details and an offer of assistance.

Please pass on/tweet these details to ensure that a wide audience is reached, enabling our veterans and/or their surviving spouses to return and pay their respects to fallen friends and companions.

Ted Cachart

4 Cottage Close

Heage, Belper,Derbyshire.

DE 56 2BS

Tel: 01773 853 181

e mail: ted@49squadron.co.uk

Chairman of the 49 Squadron Association

Dear Sir or Madam,

BIG LOTTERY FUND GRANTS FOR VETERAN TO RETURN TO THEIR

THEATER OF WAR NOW EXTENDED TO DECEMBER 31ST OF 2012

As a former member of Bomber Command I am writing to you on behalf of World War II veterans who, due to a lack of advertising, may not have been aware that in 2011 financial grants, Heroes Return II, were available from the Big Lottery Fund to enable veterans to pay a visit of remembrance to the theatre of war that they were involved in.

Veterans, male or female, widows, and widowers of veterans, can all apply. The offer also extends to- Merchant Seamen, as well as WAAF’s, WREN’s and ATS who worked closely with active personnel.

It appears that the number of veterans claiming these grants were far less than anticipated resulting in these grants being extended during 2012. It would be extremely helpful if you can find space in your publication to make these details known so that veterans, who will now be aged 85 and over, may still take advantage of these grants and plan a visit. There is a further grant available (where required) for an accompanying carer.

The grants range from £150 to cover travel and accommodation for veteran, spouse and carer, within the UK, £1,300 to Northern Europe and £5.500 to the Far East.

As I have received a grant for a visit I made last December, I would be more than willing to advise any of your readers on how and where to claim..

It would also be most helpful, and if you have time and space, to reproduce this letter on your web edition.

My name, email address and telephone number may be published ,

Ted Cachart

Where Have All the Jobs Gone?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 16:24:00 GMT

Do you ever wonder where all the jobs have gone?

Where Have All the Jobs Gone?

Top 4 Reasons Why Most Career Dreams Fail

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Mon, 2 Jan 2012 12:03:00 GMT

Guest Post by Kathy Caprino

In my work as a career coach and speaker, I interact with thousands of highly functional, achievement- oriented professionals with fantastic gifts, talents and skills who have BIG career dreams. But despite their talent, intellect and enthusiasm for building an awesome career, many won’t get there, not even close.

In today’s challenging times, professionals are longing too to discover their “life purpose” – the one unifying theme they think will bring them the joy, fulfillment, and meaning they desperately yearn for. But a vast majority won’t be successful on that front either. Not for lack of trying or laziness — but because they are looking in all the wrong places, and taking actions that propel them backward or sideways, but not forward.

Why do so many career dreams crash and burn?

I’ve observed four key behaviors that guarantee you won’t achieve your deepest career hopes and dreams.

Below are the top 4 behaviors that will kill your dreams:

1) You’re doing the WRONG things to get what you want
The vast majority of professionals today can’t identify what they really want to create and achieve in their lives. They’re in the dark about themselves and their deepest longings.

But there are some people who DO know what they want, and can articulate it clearly, with passion. Unfortunately, among those who are clear, many aren’t taking the right steps to get there.

Here’s an example: I know hundreds of stressed-out, overwhelmed corporate women who long for more balance, control and flexibility. Suddenly, in a desperate hunt for a new way to work, they embrace the belief that chucking their corporate life and launching an entrepreneurial venture will be the answer to their prayers. The problem is, an entrepreneurial life is not suited to everyone, and is certainly no antidote for work-life imbalance.

What they don’t understand is that there are certain core values, mindsets, traits, and behaviors essential for entrepreneurial success (see Michael Gerber’s book E-Myth Revisited about why so many small businesses fail). It takes an amazing amount of effort, skill, know-how, leadership talent and vision to make it work. Going into business for yourself just to get more work-life balance is the wrong move. Other motivators and factors have to be in the mix, or your business will fail (see the harsh data on small business failure rates).

In the end, thousands of professionals choose the wrong “form” of work in an attempt fulfill the right “essence” of what they want. They know what they want, but have taken a misguided path to get it. Then, after crushing failure, they give up and stop moving forward.

2) You quit too early
You and I know hundreds of people who have deep longings to contribute to the world in powerful ways. The problem is, they want to contribute at this level NOW. They’re impatient for the reward and want it yesterday, without making the commitment.

People who have risen to the top of their field and are making a large contribution in the world, by and large have worked for many years to refine their craft, perfect their messages, amass knowledge and expertise, and close their gaps. They have demonstrated intensive long-term commitment and incredible courage – walking through walls of fear and resistance to make the impact they want to.

If immediate gratification is what you want or expect, you’ll give up and turn back long before you arrive at your destination.

3) You’ve confused a career with a “calling”
A job and a calling are very different. They require different things of us. Many people think their career dream is to have a “calling” and they yearn for that. What they don’t know is that a calling is a vision so compelling that you can’t stop yourself from wrapping your entire identity around it (even if you don’t want to), even to the detriment of your bank account, your relationships and your health.

People romanticize about a calling, just as they idealize “love.” A calling is not something that you choose – it chooses you. And when it does, it exacts a large price.

Neither a job or a calling are better than the other; they’re just different. There are costs and benefits to both. But you can’t fabricate a calling out of thin air, so longing for one is a fruitless endeavor.

he key to creating a fulfilling career is to find the right path for you that makes you feel passionate, powerful and purposeful, and motivates you to be all you can be. Stop wishing for what others have, and start creating the best version of you — your authentic self.

4) You’re too scared to stretch big enough
Finally, the biggest obstacle in the way of achieving large career dreams is an unwillingness to do the internal and external “stretching” necessary to get you where you want to go. The stark reality is that you can’t go from Point A to Point Z without transforming yourself. To have a fantastic career, you have to continually stretch and expand yourself far beyond your comfort zone and learn to walk directly into experiences that would scare the “old you” to death.

You can’t be a thought leader without doing the intimidating work of being on the leading edge with your thoughts. You can’t be a moving public speaker if you shy away from using your voice authentically. You’ve got to do the work of expansion.

To achieve big career dreams you also have to overcome your resistance around getting help. Many are deeply afraid of looking foolish or exposing their vulnerability. Or they simply refuse to invest in themselves (financially or otherwise) to grow. But you can’t do great things in a vacuum, all by yourself, without support.

If you long for the validation, recognition, respect, power, and self-esteem that come from an amazing career, then you have to earn them, by stretching yourself beyond what you thought possible and wrestling down your fears and looking your demons squarely in the eyes.

For the record, I believe wholeheartedly in dreaming BIG and having expansive career visions. I wouldn’t have reinvented my career successfully without them. But if you want to achieve your highest career goals, don’t make these mistakes. Figure out exactly what you want (take my Career Path Self-Assessment for a start). Then do what it takes to reach your goals in a planful, realistic and committed way. Don’t be fooled about the energy and effort it will take. Remember – a fantastic career takes fantastic risk.

Do you have the courage and the right stuff to make your career visions are reality, and are you taking the right steps?

Kathy Caprino, M.A. is a national women's work-life expert, career and leadership coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown Breakthrough. Founder/President of Ellia Communications -- a career and executive consulting firm dedicated to the advancement of women in business -- Kathy is a top media source on current career topics and trends, a Forbes contributor, and frequent invited speaker. For more information on Kathy's leadership and executive training programs or career coaching services, please visit www.elliacommunications.com. Follow Kathy on Twitter @kathycaprino, FB, and Linkedin.

5 Life Lessons to Learn from Sharks

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 18:31:00 GMT

What life lessons can we humans learn from the predator of the deep? Apart from the obvious ‘don’t go swimming with them’, here are some other thoughts:

1. Sharks form Symbiotic Relationships
Fish called Remoras and Pilot Fish both form symbiotic relationships with sharks – relationships in which both parties benefit.
The Remoras eat any of the shark’s leftovers that they can find (the Remoras benefit) and also eat the parasites off of the shark’s skin (the shark benefits)
The Pilot Fish cleans the sharks teeth and skin (the shark benefits) whilst being protected from predators by the shark (the Pilot Fish benefits).

Do you form symbiotic relationships? Do you give as well as receive? Of are you just a Taker? Takers tend to win battles and lose wars...

2. Sharks can manage on their own or work together with other sharks
All sharks can operate as individuals. Some species more than others operate in packs – Scalloped Hammerheads, in particular, like to stick together. At times, working alone is fine. At other times, a group is needed to get the job done.
The point here is that the shark is adaptable to the circumstances prevailing at the time.

Are you?

3. Sharks have a reputation which goes before them
Most (sensible) people treat sharks with a great deal of respect. We don’t expect to go swimming with a Great White Shark and come out with all of our body parts intact. They have a reputation which we respect, whether it is true or not.

What is your reputation? What do your colleagues think of you? What is your online reputation – Google your name and find out. Now is perhaps the time to ‘hide’ some of those photos on Facebook...

4. Sharks go where they will find food (or a mate)
Sharks have amazing senses and can pick up sounds and smells at long distances. They move toward their food sources, following their senses. They congregate where they know that they will find food. They don’t swim aimlessly around hoping for something to float across their path. They may, though, swim thousands of miles to find a mate – but they know where they are heading.

When you advertise yourself or your business, do you know the best places to invest your money? Do you target the best websites and offline media? Take a lesson from the shark and ‘swim where you’ll find food’ - or a job, or a sale (or a mate...)

5. There are many different types of shark
When we think of sharks we generally think of ‘Jaws’, the Great White Shark. In fact, there are 354 species of sharks, 90% of which have never attacked a human. So when you hear the word ‘shark’ don’t always jump to the conclusion that the conversation is about Great White Sharks. Your colleague may be talking about swimming with Whale Sharks, a filter feeding species of shark that has a mouth over a metre wide but feeds on nothing larger than microscopic plankton.

Don’t jump to conclusions about people or organisations before you are sure of your facts – you could miss out on real opportunities.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance on Relationships, Career and Midlife Lifestyles is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join here FREE!

Does Job Security Matter to You?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:00:00 GMT

Guest Post from Simon Stapleton:

It feels like our jobs have been under threat for years… doesn’t it? With the recession starting back in 1998 with no improvement since, job security is something that many of us are feeling unsure about. How do you feel?

Take a look at this table of top ten jobs of 2010 in the US (from CNN). Note the top job roles, and levels of perceived job security. Then take a look at the table from the year before. Spot the differences? You’ll see a major drop in job security figures in 2010 from 2009, and a whole different set of top ten jobs. So how will it look this year, do you think? (I’ll announce when the figures are published, so follow my RSS feed!) I doubt, very much, there will be any improvement. Looks scary, don’t it?

But wait.
Earlier in the year, I wrote What Is Job Security (and does it really exist?) Job security is very dependent on our own outlook. It’s a feeling, connected with emotions, and it’s subjective. We won’t be told not to worry.
Job security can’t be given to us. We gotta feel it.

If the economy were to suddenly bounce back, would that change our sense of job security? Probably, but not directly. First, we’d need to believe that a fixed economy actually results in more assurance that our jobs are safe. The responsibility will still be ours.

It will still matter.

Adjusting our Perception
We’re all being subjected to a heap of news full of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD). TV, blogs… it’s everywhere. I’m having the odd sleepless night about it – are you? But here’s the thing – the ‘soothsayers’ who broadcast the FUD are only giving us a macro-level view – stuff that concerns the global, national, state or city-wide problem.

Your own particular situation, however, is unique to you. We gotta look at that too.

Our sense of job security is rooted in the work we do, the value we create, the skills we possess and the opportunities we can grasp. These things matter too – and much more than what we see on CNN. So look harder at them.

Take an objective view:

Understand what your work does in your organization, and its impact on it
Identify the skills you have, and not just the ones you write on your resume
Identify the opportunities you have – whether you’re taking them or not
Think about the journey you have been on since you began your career, and how far you have come
Spend a little time jotting them down.

I am 100% confident that you will feel better about your situation afterwards. This ‘taking stock’ is a reminder that there is more to job security than news tells us. Job security DOES matter. And because it matters to us, it’s within our control.

The new Mid Life Opportunity site is now live...

The new Mid Life Opportunity website is now live...

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Mon, 7 Nov 2011 19:53:00 GMT

Stimulation, Advice, Guidance and Support for people in midlife everywhere ... with a dash of humour along the way.

The Mid Life Opportunity blog will soon be moving to the new blog on the website - more details to follow.

Come and see for yourself and why not register while you're there..

www.MidLifeOp.com

Midlife Humour

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:59:00 +0100

Some midlife humour to brighten your week...

Will I live to see 90?

Here's something to think about:

I recently moved to a new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or spirits?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, walking, or cycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,..

Then, why do you even give a shit?

=================================

Stopped by the police at 1am

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

====================================

Sensitivity Training

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.

Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "Why yes sir. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes sir, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes, sir. You wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one bleedin' ear."

=============================

Don't forget Steve Preston's Career Master Class

For Midlifers everywhere - www.MidLifeOp.com - don't waste your Mid Life Opportunity...

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 8 Oct 2011 15:43:00 +0100

Last month I mentioned Steve Preston's Career Transition Masterclass in a post.

Steve has now added one more date for 2011 - Friday 11th November.
So, if you are at a Career Crossroads, looking for a change of role, thinking about moving to a new employer or maybe you've been made redundant or your current job is under threat - put Friday 11th November in your diary.

The last Masterclass, in September, was a sell out and if you click on the link you can see a 1 minute video made by one of the participants.

The day includes an action packed 8 hours full of individual and group activities and coaching with a small group (maximum 6 people) of talented like minded professional people all at a career crossroads and looking to change something about their life and career.

Plus: 60 minutes of follow up telephone coaching!

For details, see Career Transition Masterclasses

If you can't get to London on 11th November, Steve also runs a very informative Career Transition ecourse, available to download now. This contains 12 sections and 14 - 16 hours of content - invaluable if you are serious about landing that new role!

For detail, see Career Transition ecourse.

Please mention The Mid Life Opportunity when booking.

Good luck!

The Mid Life Guide to Losing Weight ...

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sun, 2 Oct 2011 13:25:00 +0100

The Mid Life Devil’s Advocate – Losing weight

Most of us would like to be slimmer and we have all (almost without exception) tried to lose weight at some point. Midlife is a time when we are prone to putting on weight and dieting becomes more important in our lives – at least for those of us who worry about these things.

So we do our research and find out which is the best diet for our own particular body and our own particular lifestyle. When I was doing my degree, some years ago now, one of my friends went on a ‘beer diet’. He didn’t eat for 5 days, but carried on drinking beer every evening. He did lose weight but this is definitely not to be recommended!

We might try the Atkins diet, the cabbage diet, the ‘this’ diet and the ‘that’ diet and we lose some weight. Hooray. So what’s the problem?

The job of the Mid Life Devil’s Advocate is to help you to understand the reality of dieting. The Advocate isn’t trying to dissuade you from dieting, quite the reverse. He just wants to give you the reality of what you’re contemplating.

So what is the Devil’s Advocate’s view of dieting? Here are some points to ponder:

Statistically, most of us don’t keep our weight off when we finish our diets – so why bother?
To maintain a constant healthy weight, men need 2,500 calories per day, women need 2,000 calories per day – not fair, but that’s the way it is.
So anything more than this will be stored in the body as fat.
All the things you like to eat are fattening – it’s one of the laws of nature:

A Big Mac and medium fries (UK size) contains about 800 calories.
A Danish Pastry contains nearly 300 calories
100g of chocolate contains about 500 calories
100g of popcorn contains about 400 calories
A traditional Christmas dinner contains about 1,000 calories
A medium size tub of potato salad contains about 1,000 calories
A decent BLT sandwich contains 800 calories
A Caesar Salad (which you might expect to be low in calories) contains about 750 calories (it’s the dressing)

On the other hand:

An apple contains about 50 calories
A portion of carrots contains about 15 calories
You can see where this is going …

You need to have a calorie deficiency of 3,500 calories to lose a pound in weight – so, if you’re a man and you eat 2,000 calories per day (2.5 decent Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwiches) you will lose 1lb per week. It’s a long haul.
So willpower and staying power are important. Do you have will power?
You will start off very confidently – then you get hungry.
You won’t lose much weight in the first few days so you lose your enthusiasm.
You decide to keep a food diary – you conveniently forget to write down the biscuits that you eat with your coffee.
You do very well during most of the day and then start nibbling while you’re watching TV. And you don’t nibble apples …
You decide to have just one alcoholic drink – then two, then three. Fun, but alcohol is loaded with calories.
A bag of crisps (fries) has about 200 calories in it – that’s a small bag though, not the big ones!
Cereals for breakfast are a healthy option and the adverts tell us that there aren’t too many calories in a portion. True, but not the portion size that you eat!
You will lose weight if you use more calories than you consume. So you decide to do more exercise. This makes you hungry and you eat more.
You join a Gym on January 1^st. On February 1^st your membership lapses.
Exercise is hard work and you decide that, rather than exercise, you will eat less. This is hard work too.
It’s the QUANTITY of food that counts. It’s all very well eating the right type of foods but you mustn’t eat large quantities of food. You know this but you still eat Seconds, sometimes Thirds.
When you have friends for dinner you cook a lot of food, saying that you don’t want your guests to starve and any leftovers can be eaten the next day. You eat it all anyway, because it’s there, on the table, looking at you.
You go out for drinks with your friends and you’re really good. Slimline drinks all evening. Then one of your friends suggests going for a curry or a kebab. Oh dear, all that effort wasted!
You will soon start to believe that the bathroom scales are broken.

If you are keen to go on a diet, don’t let the Mid Life Devil’s Advocate put you off. The points above are all exaggerated (apart from the calorie contents) to give you a real flavour of what’s in store for you.

If you feel that you need to lose weight, then try to lose some of your excess pounds. Just understand that you’re in it for the long haul. It’s really about a lifestyle change more than a short term diet and you need to understand this. Try making some simple changes – stop having sugar in your drinks, use semi-skimmed milk, don’t eat after 8pm, only put butter/spread on one side of your sandwich (and not too much butter/spread either!) These are simple changes which add up.

Remember – taking in more calories than you use up will lead to weight gain. Pig out occasionally by all means, but make sure you restrict yourself afterwards to make up for it.

Good luck,

The Devil’s Advocate

=======================================

The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join hereFREE!

Are You at a Career Crossroads?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 16:53:00 +0100

Are you at a Career Crossroads? Perhaps you're looking for a change of role, thinking about moving to a new employer or maybe you've been made redundant or your current job is under threat.

Worried? Most people are not keen on change, particularly when change is imposed upon them. This is especially true when your livelihood is threatened. How will you pay your monthly bills if you don't have a job?

This situation is increasingly common for people in midlife.

If you can get to London on Friday September 23rd 2011, then help is at hand. Steve Preston, a member of the Mid Life Opportunity Coaching Panel is running another of his Career Transition Masterclasses

The last Masterclass, in June, was a sell out. The day includes an action packed 8 hours full of individual and group activities and coaching with a small group (maximum 6 people) of talented like minded professional people all at a career crossroads and looking to change something about their life and career.

Plus: 60 minutes of follow up telephone coaching!

For details, see Career Transition Masterclasses

If you can't get to London on 23rd September, Steve also runs a very informative Career Transition ecourse, available to download now. This contains 12 sections and 14 - 16 hours of content - invaluable if you are serious about landing that new role!

For detail, see Career Transition ecourse.

Please mention The Mid Life Opportunity when booking.

Good luck!

The Midlife Gap Year

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 20:20:00 +0100

Guest Post by Mid Life Opportunity member James Cave
There used to be this really strong feeling that gap years were only for school leavers and youngsters, luckily for us, this feeling is on the way out. Our culture is changing, and that means all of us travel-hungry folks who are well past our twenties don't have to just sit back all dewy eyed thinking about all the opportunities we missed out on, we can go and make some new ones for ourselves.

I think the biggest road block people faced when they thought about travelling as an older person is the idea that it might have some lasting ramifications on their career. And don't get me wrong, this is a really valid concern, but there's a definite change in perception these days.

The times when we chose a career in our teens and stuck with it right through until retirement are long gone, now we're expected to move around and hop from company to company every few years. In fact, our culture has now changed so much, that changing job or moving organisation is often seen as the only way to gain a promotion or pay rise for a lot of sectors.

What does this mean for adults hoping for a gap year? That the gap on your CV isn't going to be looked at in the kind of negative light you've been worried about. In fact, employers may even look at it as a positive. As the popularity for gap years has grown, so has an opinion that by going on one, people are not only broadening their horizons, but showing a willingness to learn and a flexibility that’s really very desirable in the working world.

On the other hand, if you’d love to go travelling but are actually happy in the job you’re in just now, sit down and have a chat with your boss or HR department. You could find they already have a set of rules for circumstances like that, and many businesses will offer an unpaid sabbatical, often for something more like three to six months, but occasionally for a whole year. This makes sense for a business that values their employees, as not only does it mean they are likely to come back more enthusiastic and with new skills, but there’s evidence that finding replacements for skilled workers isn’t cheap.

Another thing to think about is the fact that your gap year could leave you with some real, long-lasting benefits if you decide to learn a language or take part in some overseas learning while you’re away. Whether you choose to travel to France to learn French, or fly to French-speaking Canada (Quebec) to do the same, or even just decide to spend a few months in Australia, working in a bar, you’ll be adding new experiences and skills to your portfolio, something you should never put off doing.

Getting Your Midlife in Order

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 18:18:00 +0100

A Timely reminder for people in midlife...

The tutor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty glass jar and proceeded to fill it with big rocks. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the tutor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the big rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The tutor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous - - yes.
The tutor then produced a can of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour it into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the tutor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life.
The big rocks are the important things - - your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favourite passions - - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - - the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the big rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Fall in love. Spend time with your friends. Take your partner out for a meal. There will always be time to go to work, go to the gym, give a dinner party and clean the car.

Take care of the big rocks first - - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The tutor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a drink!"

What are your 'Big Rocks'? Do you put them in your jar first or do you tip a lot of 'Sand' in at the same time? Take a few moments to list your 'Big Rocks', 'Pebbles' and 'Sand' and prioritise them in your mind.

Then it's time for a celebratory drink!

The Solution to the Current Economic Crisis? - study The Full English

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Thu, 4 Aug 2011 22:00:00 +0100

Those people who commute to work in overcrowded trains and roads must wonder why the economy is still in such a mess. All of these people still have jobs, they are still getting a monthly pay cheque. Why, then, has the economy not started to recover?

The answer, of course, is that people are worried about what might be around the corner for them. They are generally pessimistic about their futures and worried that the might lose their job. (Actually, very few people worry about losing their job; almost everyone worries about losing their source of income – the two should not be confused). So they have cut back on their discretionary spending. The difference between a healthy growing economy and a flat or declining economy is determined by the level of discretionary spending.

Prior to the banking crisis, discretionary spending was too high. Now it’s too low. When people are worried about losing their income they batten down the hatches.

So how can the government encourage people to have a more positive outlook on their future without pouring billions of pounds into a black hole? The solution can be found by studying the content of the Full English Breakfast!

For those of you who aren’t familiar with The Full English Breakfast (otherwise known as a ‘Fry Up’), this consists of any mix of eggs, bacon, sausage, tomatoes, fried bread or toast, black pudding (very optional), baked beans, mushrooms and a recent addition – hash browns.

In providing the ingredients for a full English breakfast, it’s fair to say that the chicken is involved but the pig is committed. The chicken carries on its life after laying its eggs, the pig which provides the bacon and sausages, sadly, does not.

In the current economic climate, everyone feels like the chicken. Involved in worrying about losing their job, paying more for their pension or that their standard of living is declining. Yes, that’s true, but by worrying and reducing their discretionary spending they are generating a self fulfilling prophesy. Living standards are declining as companies and organisations cut back and don’t recruit new talent because people aren’t buying their products. The economy contracts or grows very slowly.

Those who lose their jobs, on the other hand, are the pigs. They are committed. They aren’t worried about losing their jobs because they’ve already lost their job. They aren’t worried about paying more for their pension or a drop in their standard of living because they are bearing the brunt of the recession. They have no income and need a new job. They have fallen off of the roundabout and need to find a way to get back on.

The effect of the recession is being uniquely felt by those who have lost their job. Everyone else plays the role of the chicken, those that have lost their job are the pigs in this production.

So what is the answer? Reduce VAT? Reduce Income Tax? Perhaps, but these measures benefit everyone including those who don’t need help and those who don’t contribute.

The answer would seem to be quite straightforward. Take away the fear from the chickens and the number of people who become pigs will dramatically reduce. Introduce measures which will protect people if they lose their job, to take away their fear and apprehension. Do this, and confidence will return.

How about this? Guarantee that if someone loses their job they will be paid an amount equivalent to their salary by the state for a year, on top of their redundancy pay. That would give people a realistic breathing space to find a new job and take away the fear of redundancy.

Obviously this must be done in such a way to avoid paying the workshy. So people who lost their jobs wouldn’t receive the maximum payment unless they’d worked for say four out of the last five years. But that’s detail to be agreed. The important thing is to focus on taking away the worry from the ‘chickens’ of this world (most of us), to encourage a more positive outlook on life which will grease the wheels of commerce and drastically reduce the number of ‘pigs’ who find themselves out of work.

This should be followed up by funding training – real training, not lip service – to help the jobless to find new careers.

The focus of recovery investment must be on those who lose their jobs, not on everyone. To take away people’s fears of not being able to pay the mortgage or the rent. Do this and people’s ‘chicken’ fear will subside, the number of ‘pigs’ will fall dramatically and the world will look a much better place to all of us.

=================================================

Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

Midlife Joke of the Week

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in Insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact!

But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.. It's £1,000 an inch."

The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

So the man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're having granite worktops……"

Midlife Success

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 20:04:00 +0100

We tend to think that it is the strongest that survive. The strongest boxers win their fights. The strongest athletes win their events. Those with the strongest intellects win the argument.

Whilst this is undeniably true, Charles Darwin recognised that whilst the strongest might survive (and thrive) in the short term, there is no guarantee that this will last.

Darwin identified that “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change”.

Responsiveness and adaptability are the keys to success in the longer term. So we can all succeed, even if we aren’t the strongest or the most intelligent.

Having the best plan is not enough – how that plan is executed is the key to success.
Having the strongest relationship with your partner isn’t enough – those in successful relationships work at it and adapt as they go along.
Being the brightest and most intelligent is not enough – those who understand the insight and exhibit high levels of emotional intelligence are the most successful, in any walk of life.

So there’s hope for us all!

Those of us in midlife are particularly well placed in this regard. We have amassed a mountain of experience in a number of areas during our lifetime and we (more or less) understand the implications of our decisions. We have transferable skills – yes, you have transferable skills, list them!

These can be used to our advantage in every situation. Promotion at work, finding a new job, starting a new relationship, moving to a new area – it’s all down to your adaptability. Whether you succeed or fail is down to you.

Remember ‘No-one’s coming’. It’s down to you and you alone (with advice and guidance from as many sources as you can find).

Now here's the punchline....

How adaptable are you?

Do you recognise yourself?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sat, 9 Jul 2011 11:56:00 +0100

According to my wife, we are all live our lives somewhere along the autistic spectrum. Some of us are further along it than others. Those at the extreme end are diagnosed as suffering from Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism. Sufferers of autism are sometimes brilliant at one particular skill – they may have a fantastic memory or they may be brilliant artists or musicians. Stephen Wiltshire is a famous example of this.

Most of us are way down the other end of the spectrum. But we all exhibit traits which show our individuality but these can often irritate others – those who sit further up or further down the spectrum.

Do you recognise any of these examples?

Your partner lines up all of the packages in the cupboard very neatly with labels facing the front? You throw the new groceries in on top of the old ones.
Your partner leaves the wiping up cloth dirty in the sink. You always rinse it out so that it’s clean for the next person.
You make the bed when you get up. Your partner doesn’t.
You fold up the clothes waiting to be ironed. Your partner doesn’t.
At work, you sit next to someone who cracks his knuckles all day – it drives you mad.
You can always hear the lady on the other side of the office when she speaks on the phone – it would really help you to concentrate if she spoke more softly.

You get the idea. Does any of this matter? Well, yes it does. If you don’t recognise these traits in those close to you, relationship issues will follow. Whether at work or home, recognise that we are all on the spectrum somewhere and we all have to make allowances for each other. Few of us are likely to change. You can point out what you see as deficiencies in others but you are more likely to start an argument than change behaviours.

So accept that we all have to make allowances for each other and you’ll spend less time stressed.

What habits do you recognise in yourself?

Now, I’m off to tidy up everything in the fridge...

The Chapters of Change

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 17:29:00 +0100

The Five Chapters of Change - author unknown

Chapter 1.
I walk down a street.

There's a deep hole in the pavement.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am helpless.

It takes forever to get out.

It's not my fault.

Chapter 2.
I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the pavement.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in the hole again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.

It still takes a long time to get out.

It isn’t my fault.

Chapter 3.
I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the pavement.

I see it is there.

I still fall in – it’s a habit.

My eyes have been opened.

I know where I am.

It is my responsibility.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4.
I walk down the same street.

I see the deep hole in the pavement.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5.
I walk down a different street.

The Trials of a Modern Day Family

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 16:51:00 +0100

Guest post by Rebecca Fordham

Finding Mr Right as a divorced mother is as fulfilling as it is stressful. With children intact, how easy is it to blend two families through marriage or co-habiting? Rebecca Fordham investigates the issues remarriage causes and how to tackle them.

Lucy Taylor has recently moved in with her partner of five years and is in the process of renovating their four bedroom house. Their future as a couple is solidified, the excitement of coming home to someone is a novelty and the feeling of happiness clouds the prospect of having to live with all his annoying habits. This may seem like an enviable stage in a woman’s life. But Lucy is 45, mother to two children aged 21 and 17 and has not lived with a man for over ten years since she divorced her children’s father.

Remarriage for many in the UK is likely as divorce rates remain high. The Office for National Statistics show that 113,949 couples separated in 2009. In over forty per cent of marriages, couples have walked up the aisle at least once before. One in five people who get divorced remarry. However with a high percentage of those already having children from the failed marriage, the decision to then embark on a new relationship, move in with a partner and eventually marry comes with an abundance of responsibility that wasn’t there the first time.

“It wasn’t a decision to take lightly, there were many things to consider in my situation such as finances, what my family thought, whether it would work but ultimately I had to think of my children”, Lucy explains. “How would they react to this situation, after all this man is not their father. He is my choice, not theirs.”

Inviting someone else into an existing family unit that works well can cause disruptions and upset. Lifestyle coach and relationship expert Karen Morley helps with similar situations everyday in her line of work. “It is about communication, communication, communication. You have to be practical and sit down together as a family to look at all the difficulties or practicalities that need sorting. Having meetings to help merge the two families is key.”

She advises parents to reassure children of their importance and to stress that they have a voice too. As well as easing the children into the idea of a new home-life by explaining the new marriage or living situation, ensuring that everything remains as normal as possible is a vital step in preparing everyone for the new challenge.

And it is necessary for everybody in the situation to prepare. For the partner, who in Lucy’s case is without children, they have a whole new way of life to mould to. “Whereas he previously lived by himself, he now has three extra people to contend with and we have met difficulties. We were both used to being in charge of a house so you have to learn to do things together.”

For many, both partners will have children and this situation can be the hardest of them all. Karen advices that parents who wish to blend two sets of children should make a very clear plan. “They need to sit down and work out their strategies, their compromises, and decide how everything is going to run. When an agreement has been reached they need to sit down with the children and do exactly the same with them.”

Natasha Walton was 6 when her parents divorced 17 years ago. Her dad is marrying his partner of ten years, and her mum has been in a relationship for over 8 years - both parents have young daughters from the new relationships. “At first it was strange accepting two new people into my life but I lived with my dad and soon-to-be step-mum and she became a big part of our family. Now she is more like a mother to me than my real mum. I’m not very close with my mum’s boyfriend and we both agree he will never really be a step-dad to me - but we get on.”

So what happens for those unlucky families whose children and partners don’t get on well? Karen explains that in this instance seeking outside help is the answer. “If you can’t work it out from within, then some help is needed as the problem doesn’t go away. Seeking help in a third party is not about being told what to do but being helped to work out what will work best. It involves compromise from everybody.”

It is the responsibility of the adult to try their hardest but sometimes finding their role within an affirmed family can be difficult. They may struggle to find where they fit in - many may even be thrown into parenting someone else’s child. Everyone’s preconception of what family life should be like is different. But a way to combat this is to sit and discuss how you envisage things to be beforehand, what each of your roles are and how compromises can be made so that everyone feels happy.

Amy Czapnik a 25-year-old events manager, felt resentful when her mum remarried. “It was strange to suddenly have someone else as part of your life. When my step-dad moved in I had to change my behaviour at home as it wasn’t just mum and I anymore. At the time when things started changing around the house I didn't like it and would try to keep things the same - as well as keep my mum's attention.”

We can’t forget that parents themselves have a lot to take on and adjust to in a remarriage. For many, they have lived as the sole earner, decision maker and rule enforcer of the house. Great independence has been gained and as much as a support may have been craved when buying a new car or when a teenager is being difficult, sharing your life again can be hard to get used to.

Keeley Townsend, a counsellor who specialises in couple and family relationships explains how the adult relationship must be strong in order for the merged family to work. “The most successful relationships will be the ones that are able to connect to being a couple as well as being parents. Although the family is important, couple time is vital because that is what will make the family function. Family time and individual couple time is so important”.

Both men and women have expectations of how it will be living together but these aren’t always realistic. If only one partner has children, the other may find they feel jealous or even pushed aside. Every couple has to work at their relationship so time alone is essential whatever your situation. Scheduling date nights, spending time together once the children are in bed, and finding someone to babysit from time-to-time can help. Keeley explains that keeping the relationship fresh is the answer.

Psychologically a merged family is faced with a harder situation than most. Whereas a family who hasn’t split have history together, know one another and have grown together to reach the stage they are in, a blended family lack this growth. They can appear to be at this stage from the outside but they have missed out on the all important developmental process. This solid family image can be hard to live up to and a lot of pressure to be under. Keeley advises that the best course of action is to understand each other’s family history. “Sometimes people don’t want to know about others past but that’s their life-script and has brought them to where they are today. If you are able to understand one another’s family history, then you’ll know where they come from and what makes them who they are.”

A positive that comes with blending two families is of course the gaining of additional family members. However the obligations that come with this can cause unnecessary stress or worry. Both Amy and Natasha are in agreement that the situation can become complicated at this point. “On special occasions there are so many strands of the family to see and having the time to do that is hard”, explains Natasha. “I have a responsibility to go and see them but sometimes I don’t want to because they aren’t real family.” However gaining two half sisters for Natasha and having extended support for Amy makes the situation very rewarding.

This is one of many great advantages to being part of a blended family. Others include a great support network, more people to love and love you back, having happy parents which should in turn create a happy home environment, and gaining step-children. There are many issues that make the decision to remarry or even cohabit with your partner daunting. As a parent you will always ask yourself; “how long do you leave it before taking the next step?” But there is no easy answer and there comes a point where you have to take your own happiness into consideration too. The process will always have you asking; “is it worth it?” or, “have I done the right thing?” - but you have to try. It won’t be an easy ride but you will have someone there to share it with.

Rebecca Fordham http://www.writtenandposted.blogspot.com/

GUTSY Is as GUTSY Does!

noreply@blogger.com (The Mid Life Opportunity) — Mon, 6 Jun 2011 22:11:00 +0100

Guest Post by Sylvia Lafair

I remember when I was 46 wondering what would happen when I was 64. That old Beatles song would play over and over “Will you still love me when I’m….”

I believe it is never too late to prepare for that time when we look in the mirror and say “Who, in heaven’s name, is that peering back at me.” So, I decided before I reached the big 50 to take my life in my own hands and make vital life decisions about what really mattered.

I told my husband my plan and he tossed me a “this should be interesting” look.

You see, I am totally challenged when it comes to directions. I believe that whatever way I am facing must be north. So, to take a sleeping bag, some water and a few energy bars and head into the desert near our home in Santa Fe was, well risky business at best.

He dropped me off and pointed me in the direction of Nambe Falls. My logic was I would be able to get more water and since I like the sound of running water I would be contented for the three nights and four days I was going to stop the world and listen to my inner self.

Vision quest; just the sound of the words made me tremble. It felt so, so ancient, so connected to Mother Earth. Vision quest, what a gutsy thing for a city bred gal to do. Vision quest, I would come back with all my deep questions answered.

Off I went, going due north (which meant following my nose). Time, as the poets like to say, stood still; actually way too still. It seemed like the sun never moved and evening was a long way away. I became, not really afraid; actually my fear was of being bored. And bored I was. My fast paced city life was far behind. I had no computer, no books, and no cell phone; only the silence of the desert.

Someday I will write about what I really learned in those three loooong days. Now, I just want to talk about my reentry into the world of bathrooms, cool Margaritas, reality television, and human relationships.

I marched back into town with my orange baseball cap perched on very grungy hair. I lost my canteen somewhere toward the end of my stay and walked, ever so the conquering hero, into the Eldorado Hotel smack in the center of Santa Fe.

It was late afternoon and very quiet. I was amazed at the tile floors, the clear glass that housed the water I had requested, the flushing sound that was made in the bathroom. It was as if I had entered a foreign planet. I sat waiting for my husband to pick me up.

Two women at the next lounge table were sipping their drinks looking over at me. They would put their heads together, chuckle and then look some more. Finally one asked where I had been. With the pride of accomplishment I puffed myself up and told them about my vision quest.

When I finished there was silence. I was used to silence, it had become my friend so I just sat quietly and waited for what was next. They leaned toward me again and one woman queried “Does your mother approve of this vision quest thing.”

At that moment I knew the success of my journey; it saved me from ever needing a face lift!!!

Sylvia Lafair PhD is an author and business leadership and communications expert. www.sylvialafair.com