Meditations of an African Woman

CHANGE IS COMING

2022-02-22T17:19:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

My blog http://meditationsof.blogspot.com is going to be undergoing some changes I'm sure you will enjoy as much as I.

I've grown to have a better understanding of the sort of content I want to put out into the blogosphere, as you well know my writing is quite broad, covering a wide range of issues - you kindda never know what to expect - and has been VERY sporadic (",)

I am working on the Blog and a new vlogging concept (no, I am NOT scared to put a face to my words/feelings!) and while I do, I hope you're rubbing your hands together in excitement and anticipation because I will be coming back to SHOCK and ENTERTAIN in equal measure, consistently and on schedule lol!

CLAIM 2009 as yours folks!!!

Dx

Who Wants To Marry ... An Entrepreneur?

2009-07-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

Well? Who? ... Really?

There is a very small pool of men I could marry from. Since I started running Songhai Creative, I've become even more aware of this.

When I was much greener I felt as most youths feel, that 'love' was that butterfly feeling in your stomach that made you lose your good and common sense where this particular individual was concerned. A bit older and wiser now, I understand better what I need for me. And it is not confusion or submitting myself to the whims of another.

There is a profile for the kind of man I, as a committed entrepreneur, workaholic, spiritual, and emotional eccentric could marry. And it's probably not far from the type of man you would imagine COULD marry a female with those characteristics. Given generally accepted truths about powerful, rich women and the men who run scared from them, it would be an oversight, during my entrepreneurial journey to fail to consider the realities of my relationship options as my businesses pick up and take off.

If our choices define our lives, and the bigger the choice the bigger the imprint made by that choice, then few decisions carry more weight than what we do (career) with our lives and who we marry. These two decisions have the ability to shape what people, even history, remembers of us when we are gone - if anything at all. So as you dream of your ideal career, remember to picture the type of man who could happily share that life with you. And be realistic, if you desire both, about how to balance them out during your planning phase ... you don't want to get caught in a spiral of bad relationship choices in your 40s!

So here's my ideal husband profile. Read, enjoy and then write yours for private contemplation or to share with friends and loved ones (it might make them better equipped for a spot of matchmaking).

Davinia Douglas Edafioka's IDEAL HUSBAND PROFILE:

1) He'd be patient: As a VERY challenging, highly emotional individual, I need a man with great degrees of patience. When I'm having my little (or not so little) PMS moments, he has to be chilled. Two stressy people does not a good relationship make!

2) He'd have intuitive understanding: A purely logical person is unlikely to get the many layers from which I act and speak. My ideal man would have to really get me. We all have multiple personalities to varying degrees, I happen to know that mine are very well defined characters who swap back and forth at sometimes lightening speed. It takes intuition to get me and my mood swings.

3) He'd be an optimist: I am quite a cynical person and a massive worrier. I also take myself way too seriously. So I need a man who can hold on to his optimism in the face of all the negative "what if's" I am likely to throw at him.

4) He'd be intelligent: Intelligence makes for good conversation, and I NEED a good conversationalist. I can't feel smarter than him, I can't think he's a bit slow - because I'm not that patient myself ... And I don't fare well being in the dominant position in relationships! (It's that lack of patience thing again).

5) He'd be wise: I've had a very interesting life and I know more is to come. I need a man who has had an even MORE interesting life than me, and is ready for more. Or he will find the intense and pressurized pace of my life a complete nuisance. The sheer drama and complication of it will drive him away. I need someone who can advice and guide my decisions, not run from them.

6) He'd have good business acumen: Because of my career, I have come to recognise that I need someone who shares the same entrepreneurial passion as me. Entrepreneurs are a particular breed of people. The problems that come with that ambition are unique and it very quickly becomes evident when you're having a tough time at work, that the best person to talk to about it is someone similarly experienced. Plus, we may need to work together to see each other at all!

7) He'd be ambitious: This is a necessity because I am extremely ambitious myself. Lack of ambition is not something I can understand or tolerate.

8) He'd be spiritual: My relationship with God is central to my being. I need a private life that is centered around spiritual principles and values. I've come to learn that that controls our behaviour more than any man made law or societal pressures, because it goes deeper than the character one is 'seen' to have.

9) He'd be a family man: I have no need for a Playboy-For-Life type. I don't even live that lifestyle now. I think I did for about a year between the age of 21 to 22. I need someone who embodies family values and would be happy with a fulfilling work and family life. I don't intend to raise kids on my own or have the au pair do it!

10) He'd be a great lover: What can I say ... sex is a great stress reliever!

So that's my list ... what's on yours?

Life has purpose. And everything we do should also have purpose, from our relationships, to our work. I believe life is made up of one string of moments after another ... don't waste time ... and don't let other people waste your time for you. Know what you want, go get it, and don't settle.

Health, Wealth and Love
Davinia x

www.Songhai-Creative.com

50 Reasons To Be An Entrepreneur

2009-06-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

These aren't my words but they capture my feelings about entrepreneurship wonderfully. Luke Johnson, the 'Unrepentant Capitalist' wrote 50 of the best reasons to be an entrepreneur. Read for warm fuzzy feelings :)

Health, Wealth and Love ... Davinia x

50 Reasons To Be An Entrepreneur

I think everyone should become an entrepreneur. Here are just a handful of the reasons:

1. Because building your own company is the best fun you can have with your clothes on;

2. Because it's still the best way to get rich;

3. Because working for yourself is not just about becoming rich - it's also about making things happen and making a difference;

4. Because if you work for yourself you control your destiny;

5. Because jobs for life and final salary pension schemes don't exist any more;

6. Because if you're the boss you make the rules;

7. Because if you build a company and sell it you pay tax at just 10% on the gain;

8. Because thanks to the internet it's never been easier to set up in business;

9. Because as an entrepreneur you get the rewards for your efforts;

10. Because entrepreneurs are the main source of new jobs and growth;

11. Because being an entrepreneur can be a highly creative endeavour;

12. Because entrepreneurs are cool - just look at the success of TV shows like Dragons' Den, The Apprentice, and now Make Me a Million;

13. Because there is no hierarchy in your own firm - anything is possible;

14. Because building a team and developing talent is really satisfying;

15. Because you don't want to wake up one day when you're too old and say, "I wish I had gone for it with that idea I had;

16. Because the competition out there isn't really that good and you know you can do better;

17. Because there are more entrepreneurs in Thailand per head of population than anywhere else - if they can do it, so can you;

18. Because there are more sources of business funding - debt and equity - than ever before;

19. Because there are more start-up websites, guidebooks, advisors and other forms of help than ever before;

20. Because the worst that can happen is that you waste some time and lose some money - the world is full of nastier things than that, like illness and death;

21 Because nothing beats overcoming the sceptics and making a new venture a roaring success;

22. Because there is never a shortage of good business ideas;

23. Because economics is not a zero sum game - the more entrepreneurs there are, the wealthier society becomes;

24. Because independence and freedom makes people happy;

25. Because you can tell your boss when you walk out that one day you'll buy his or her business;

26. Because you can moonlight to begin with, and leave employment when you're ready;

27. Because you can build a business with your family and work together for a common cause;

28. Because you can explore your dreams in a way that's impossible to do as an employee;

29. Because you only live once - life is not a rehearsal;

30. Because lots of really successful entrepreneurs started with no qualifications or capital and still made it big - so why not you?

31. Because there are more management buy-out opportunities than ever before;

32. Because creating a lasting enterprise is the best form of legacy;

33. Because it means you can provide for your family;

34. Because it allows you to pursue your passion and make money at the same time;

35. Because it gives you a reason to jump out of bed on Monday mornings;

36. Because the inevitable setbacks are all part of the learning experience;

37. Because if you're a capitalist, you make the world go round - without you there would ultimately be no taxes for any public services;

38. Because creating a virtual business from your bedroom is simpler than ever before;

39. Because flexible, innovative and hungry small firms can beat the complacent big boys every time;

40. Because when you meet other entrepreneurs you'll talk to them as equals;

41. Because we speak English - the global language of commerce;

42. Because despite our system's flaws, the law works, the state is basically honest and property rights are respected;

43. Because privatisation, PFI and PPP projects, and contracting out are creating lots of new areas for entrepreneurs within the public sector;

44. Because interest rates and thus financing costs are low - and likely to remain so;

45. Because banks and other funders have more techniques to back small firms than ever before;

46. Because there are more government grants and initiatives like the Loan Guarantee Scheme than ever before;

47. Because life is not about excuses - it's about seizing the day;

48. Because it might be the only way you can create a decent enough pension to retire;

49. Because if you're an entrepreneur you'll be enjoying yourself too much to retire;

50. Because whatever happens, you'll learn more than by doing anything else.

So what the hell are you waiting for?

Business Lessons from a 20something, Black, Female Entreprenuer

2009-06-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written a note in a while, as you guys know I’ve been a bit busy building empires, leading revolutions and all that jazz… (“,)

But I was asked by a Facebook friend to write about ‘the biggest lessons learned from setting up your new venture.’ And I thought, this has been the most intense, focused, joyous, stressful and confidence boosting period of my life, I’ve learnt bag loads in weeks and months and I have to share that with you guys. So share I am.

In the course of setting up Songhai Creative you would think the biggest lessons I’ve learnt so far would be business ones, such as:

Keep costs down, and stay focused on sales & marketing.
Do not grab every opportunity to make a sale that comes your way, if you cannot handle a job it is better to let it go than have a dissatisfied customer (statistics show a dissatisfied customer is more likely to talk about their experiences than a happy one. So one unhappy customer can do more damage than three happy ones may be able to fix).
Be clear on what your sales and marketing strategy is. Monitor the steps in your sales pipeline and examine any regular point you seem to loose customers – you might need to change procedure/strategy. Measure the ROI on different sales channels.
It is vital to establish clear-cut, formalised relationships with your partners and team members, where individual responsibilities and requirements are clearly understood.
Do not give away parts of your business for the sake of incorporating friends, being fun-loving and/or ‘nice’. People should match your skills/resource needs before you engage them in the business. And remember, 50% of something is better than 100% of nothing.
Trust is important. Nothing aids trust more than uncompromising honesty and openness … supported by written and signed agreements.
Opportunity is faster than the Road Runner. You have to act quick, lose sleep, (even empty your bank account sometimes) to catch hold of her. And when you do, loose yourself in the moment and make it count.
Nothing is more important in achieving business success than having a vision. Your vision is the glue that will hold you together when things get really hard and low.

You might have thought these would be my biggest lessons, but you’d be wrong.

My greatest lessons, have been those of the heart, those of character:

The motivation to slave over your work comes easier when it’s work you love. Be passionate about your products/services, about the people you have to work with, the customers you have to serve. Life will get real hard, real fast otherwise.
Finding a great team, with complementary skills sets can mean achieving more, faster with a great business idea. But young or old, personality clashes will bring a good team crashing down faster than you can dial 911 (speaking from experience on that one!) Have clearly defined roles and responsibilities, and systems for reporting and decision-making, on paper before you begin. Most of all choose partners wisely, they should be mature, responsible, and have reasonably functional personal lives.
Emotional maturity is a key requirement for success regardless of the direction of your working life. Life comes with ups and downs, and frankly, usually more downs than ups! So you can’t be blown over every time a down hits. Even if it’s a fucking tornado. The trick – and this is one you’ll thank me for for a while – is to focus on improving your response times. Simply cut down on how long you spend off track when an obstacle knocks you off course, and soon you’ll impress yourself. Don’t focus on NOT wanting things to happen that will distract you - that will only attract them faster into your experience. You want to take strength from knowing no matter WHAT the heck happens, no matter how bad it gets, YOU [insert full name] from [insert home town] as long as you are living, WILL ARRIVE at your divine destination, and right on time too. Nothing shaking.
Business by its very nature involves and requires competition. The bigger the market you wish to compete successfully in, the more necessary a well thought out competitive strategy becomes. Here’s the rub. Competitiveness in a personal context is a negative thing, whereas in a business context, competitiveness is key for survival. The problem comes when, as most do, one decides to enter a business relationship with friends or family. Can you sack your brother if his performance is undermining the competitive position of your shared business? Can you remove a founding member whose contribution was key to the creation of a now thriving business, because his vision for the company’s future clashes with yours? Could you do it if s/he was your best friend?

Depending on your business, the economic climate, and your financial goals, you may or may not have to develop a very strong stomach for being, and being seen as, The Bad Guy. But my advice – for most businesses, every economic climate (obviously more so during a downturn), and anyone who would like to avoid bankruptcy – develop an iron strong stomach for competition. You will have to face it, whether politely, stoically, loudly, firmly, aggressively, slyly, or even hesitantly … you will have to face it. And when the success of your business, your livelihood, perhaps the livelihood of others rests on the decisions YOU make, sitting on the fence, hedging your bets or avoiding confrontation is Just Not Good Enough.

Those are my greatest lessons thus far along this journey. Thank you for praying for me and rooting for me. My success is yours, as much as yours is mine. Let us rise above mere survival and live the best lives that we can envision for ourselves, individually and as a collective.

My prayers are with you,

Davinia Douglas,
Managing Director
Songhai Creative (www.Songhai-Creative.com)

I AM A FAILURE!!! ... Just like Thomas Edison.

2009-03-18T11:49:00.001-07:00

Thomas Edison is one of the biggest failures in history. Yes that Edison, the electricity fella.

He had a vision ... electricity. And he had a couple of ideas of how to make the vision (electricity) work. To top it off, one day Thomas actually decided to put his money where his mouth was and begin the journey towards realising this dream.

Boy he must have started that first step (his first experiment) with so much excitement! Then it failed. But that was cool, it was only his first idea and he'd learned a little of what DIDN'T work. Mrs Edison still gave him support as did his friends and family.

Vision intact, he then tried his next experiment. Failed.

Next? Failed.

Next? Failed.

Next? Failed.

Next? x9,994 times .... FAILED!

At what point do you think his friends started to laugh at the idea? At what point do you think Mrs Edison started to politely nod her head as he recounted yet another idea that would take him right into the heart of his vision? If he had been a poor man, at what point might his wife have left him if he didn't quit this "electricity" malarky and go learn a trade that put food on the table?

And at what point, do you think Thomas Edison actually decided that failing was too much of a bruise to his ego to keep pursuing that light he could see ever more brightly at the end of the tunnel? As he instinctively and intuitively knew, that each failure gave him more experience, more knowledge, improved his odds, and brought him that much closer to achieving his vision.

We are all so afraid of failure. But it is a matter of perspective. With failure comes lessons, experience and the END of a journey that was not meant to be. Leaving you free to do another experiment, try another idea, make another journey ... having just brought the odds a little more in your favour!

Old Thomas didn't try the same experiment 10,000 times. He tried 10,000 DIFFERENT experiments, he went down 10,000 DIFFERENT paths. He failed and walked away, swiftly and without guilt, from 9,999 of them - with that vision shinning before him like a beacon in the dark stormy night.

And the 10,000th experiment worked.

I personally believe Thomas' Mrs had faith in him, and I think he probably had other friends or family members who did too (after all other inventors were thrown in mental asylums for daring to imagine the 'impossible', even Alexander Graham Bell kept his ideas of 'conversations through the air' mostly to himself to avoid the straight jacket!). But even if they hadn't, we'd all still hope that his vision would have kept him stubbornly failing until the RIGHT thing worked.

I am on that journey too. That 'I have a dream' journey. Stubbornly failing at everything but the right things, gathering the experience I need, and pushing up my odds as I go along. And it feels so incredibly, remarkably good!

What game are you winning at? What tests are you passing? Are they the right ones? Right for YOU that is.

Because if you have a dream, a really big 'un, one that no one has done before and no one can teach you how to do ... then your failures are nothing but a necessary part of the adventure of striving to leave your fingerprint in history. Cherish each and every one.

And dare to dream big.

MYTHS & LIES ABOUT ... SUCCESS.

2009-03-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

1. "Think positive!" and life will be wonderful. CALL ME I HAVE SOME SWAMPLAND TO SELL YOU.

2. "Be pure of heart" and good things will come to you. SO HOW COME SO MANY MEAN, NASTY, INTIMIDATING, AND MANIPULATIVE FOLKS SEEM TO DO SO WELL?

3. He's a born Salesman. REALLY? DID HE COME OUT OF THE WOMB WITH A CELL PHONE IN ONE HAND AND A BRIEFCASE IN THE OTHER?

4. You can't get anywhere these days without a college degree. EXCEPT TO THE TOP.

5. The meek shall inherit the earth. BUT NOT IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.

6. Modesty is a virtue. TELL MADONNA.

7. Mind your manners. BUT THE BARBARIANS ARE PAST THE GATE.

8. Be original. UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET VERY RICH, VERY FAST - THEN COPY LIKE CRAZY.

9. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. MAYBE NOT. PERSISTENCE ISN'T ALL IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE.

10. Keep your nose to the grindstone. AND YOU'LL HAVE A VERY SMOOTH, HARD NOSE. AND AN ACHING BACK.

11. Practice makes perfect. NOT! A BAD GOLF SWING REMAINS A BAD GOLF SWING NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU REPEAT THAT SAME SWING.

12. Winners never quit, quitters never win. QUIT! THE FIRST STEP TO GETTING OUT OF A HOLE IS TO STOP DIGGING.

13. Luck has nothing to do with success. UNLESS YOU'RE LUCKY.

14. Haste makes waste. BUT "SLOW AND STEADY" SEEMS TO BE WINNING FEWER AND FEWER RACES THESE DAYS.

15. Never mix business with pleasure. HEY, WHAT KIND OF DULL, BORING, UNPLEASANT ADVICE IS THAT?

16. In business "the customer is always right". SOME CUSTOMERS ARE DAMNED NUISANCES AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

17. You can't get rich quick. HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GET-RICH-SLOW PLAN?

18. It takes money to make money. UNLESS YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY.

19. Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.

20. Managers should treat everybody fairly. UNLESS THE MANAGER WANTS TO ACHIEVE MAXIMUM PRODUCTIVITY.

21. If it aint broke, don't fix it. AND WITH THAT THEORY, WE'D BE LIGHTING OUR HOMES AND OFFICES WITH BIGGER CANDLES.

My current reading material, and an old favourite author, Dan Kennedy's 'No Rules: 21 Giant lies about success' ... I recommend if the teaser above is to your taste.

A Valentines Day Seduction for Lovers and the Lover-less!

2009-03-03T10:28:00.001-08:00

Happy Vals day!

Remember to love and play SAFE guys (",)

Since I don't have a love muffin (yet AGAIN!) this VDay, thought I'd show some love to all in a similar position! And you guys and girls who have someone ... you can ummm enjoy the vid on the down low ;-) LOL

No 7. From my 25 Random Things: "I love to shock people. I love to tease, with fair warning though lol. I generally prefer to leave an impression."

Not trying to get laid guys (believe me I don't have to "try"!) Just enjoy the entertainment for what it is (",)

The song is Marilyn Manson's Cover of 'You Spin Me Right Round'

SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNLE @ YouTube.com/users/LadyD2k

The Gender Agenda (Pt 2): Women Fail Themselves When They Fail Men

2009-03-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

Are you an ‘Independent Woman’? Destiny’s Child interpretation of the label, that is. Are you, “Handling your business and don’t need no man”? Do you, “use men for sex”? Do you think, “Men are open wallets”? Lastly, are you still wondering, “When will men just grow the hell up?”

Well I’m here with a message. If you’re a lesbian feel free to skip ahead to another post (or my Valentines Day seduction video, it was for you too!), but for ladies interested in dating and one day marrying a man, do please read on.

I have spent the last two or so years deliberately befriending good strong men, studying them, learning from them, and asking questions about why, in their opinion, I have not enjoyed the sort of romantic relationships with men that I desired. Those of you with brothers or good male friends may already know most of the information I am about to share. Men have a ‘Code’, and they will not reveal the truth about how they view, rate and select women unless you endear yourself to them, or they are uniquely committed to leading women in the right direction (and courageous!), or it’s their job and they’re good at it (relationship experts). This is largely because of the vicious response the women who need to hear it most are generally inclined to give. So I am sharing it with you, as a fellow woman and sister, and hope you are patient and open enough to give this information good consideration.

Reports reveal that 80% of black women over the age of 30 in the United States are still single – not by choice. And this is not just a black or States-side problem. We can look at the world around us and easily count a large number of beautiful, eligible, and still single women from all races. Tyra Banks is just one of a few public figures who openly discusses her difficulty in dating and settling down with a good man. Those of us who are single and desire not to be will be familiar with the feelings of frustration and despair this situation brings.

Perhaps born out of this frustration is some very elaborate finger pointing at the many failures of men that is supposedly the root cause of this Single Female Epidemic. But every time we point a finger at someone there are four pointing back at us – in other words, I am not saying men are faultless – however I want us girls to examine those four fingers today.

FINGER NUMBER ONE

Any female who listens to and absorbs popular music these days needs to be mindful to separate entertainment from reality. Beyonce, the entertainment queen that she is, is NOT who you should turn to for relationship advice. The lyrics of almost every song she has released (big hits amongst women) recommend fickle interactions with men largely based on sex, sending men you’ve bought with ‘your ends’ “to the left, to the left” to be replaced by a man of equally low eligibility, and it rhymes, and it all sounds so fabulous and easy. You best believe that Beyonce does not follow the relationship advice she dishes out in these hits. And neither should you. Or you will become what my Nigerian people refer to as an “Ashawo” (pronounced ah-sha-woh, meaning ‘slut’), and a stupid one at that because you essentially pay men to use you for sex.

One of the biggest mistakes women make is asking other women for relationship advice (including most of the female writers at Cosmopolitan). Unless she is happily married (and likes you), nine times out of ten, you are not likely to gain anything helpful out of this endeavour. Any female friend who gives you advice that sounds like this, “Men are dogs, let him go”, “There are lots more where he came from”, or even, “Hold on to him, there are no men out here” is not helping you. Run and look for the closest male friend you have and seek his advice. Warning: If that male friend is interested in you, he’s no good either. In which case, log on to www.gurltalkktv.com and drink relationship wisdom until your thirst is quenched.

FINGER NUMBER TWO

Women find it hard to distinguish good men from bad men. We confuse good looks, charm, career achievement, popularity, money – basically ‘swagger’ – with decency and goodness. Once you get past the age of 16, you really need to be able to tell the difference. A good man calls you when he says he will. He is genuinely interested in what you are doing with your life and will support your efforts, not antagonise them. He respects you in private and in public, whether his friends are there or not. He may not be able to afford really nice things, but he will take care of you when you need it, he will treat you to thoughtful little gifts and gestures that show he’s been paying attention, he will be nice to you. This does not make him a punk, or your lap dog. It makes him a good man. It makes him the kind of man you hope your future daughter will marry, and the kind of man you hope your future son might grow into. It makes him the kind of man you should feel grateful to have interested in you, and to have in your life.

When you turn your attention away from men like this, for idiotic reasons like, “He’s too short”, “He’s not as attractive as Sally’s guy”, “He’s not paid enough” etc, you need to remember that your shelf life has a limit. And as you get older, younger, smarter girls are coming behind you to settle with whom you felt too good for. Moreover, that disingenuous attitude (and karma) just might stand in your way when you do find a man you consider to be ‘good enough’ for you.

Don’t get me wrong, it is your duty as a woman, to ensure you choose to date men who have the ability to meet your needs (not your wants, unless you are prepared to do what you need to do and accept what you need to accept for the privilege). But understand that every quality is also a liability. By all means, seek a man with ambition, but understand that his work will most likely come before you. Seek a Brad Pitt lookalike, but understand that he will most likely cheat on you when times are hard in your relationship or in his life (and quite possibly with your sister). Want that overly dominant alpha male? Then understand that you will most likely have to be really, really submissive (in any way he might need, including in the bedroom) to keep him, and keep him happy.

As much as you have standards and expectations ladies, so do the men who make up your desired target market. You better be what they want too or you will be barking up the wrong tree, and it’s slim pickings after a certain age. Are you really as hot looking as you think? Are you Ivy League educated, from a prestigious family? Are you kind, generous and an acrobat in the bedroom? Rate yourself realistically, and work on what needs work to develop the same qualities in yourself as you desire in a man. Or a couple more years of crawling into bed with a good book and Marvin Gaye on iTunes, stretch lengthily ahead of you.

FINGER NUMBER THREE

At some point during women’s liberation, the feminist movement and modern times, men and women apparently forgot their respective gender roles. Masculinity became denounced as primitive, and femininity as weakness. Ladies, men haven’t changed that much because of this external pressure. They’ve only changed the type of women they take seriously in a relationship context. Think for a minute of all the friends you have who are married, or just look at the married women around you. Did they end up with husbands because of their dominance, aggressiveness, progressive careers, or ability to prove irrelevant points by insisting on gender role reversal within their relationships? Go on and ask them. That would be a resounding N-O. Men have been, are still, and will always remain – Men. They have egos, they are hunters, protectors, providers, and if YOU wish to be all those things, then you DON’T need a man. You need a vibrator you can use and put away in your bedside drawer when you’re finished with it (in which case let me recommend Ann Summers ‘Rampant Rabbit’ 4 speed vibrator, a steal at £39.99. Click here to purchase. And be sure to buy some rechargeable batteries too, as you’re bound to need them).

Let me inject a caveat at this point, not all men are dominant alpha males. Some are naturally more submissive. The problem is that women who consider themselves ‘dominant’ usually don’t want a submissive male. They want the alpha male, but want him altered past the point of recognition. Again, this is about managing your expectations ladies. This kind of change you do not have the power to instil or maintain, and trying, will only frustrate your romantic experiences further.

As for sexual dominance, I want you to remove the idea from your mind that it is possible for you to use a man for sex. Whatever position you do the do in, you OPEN receptively, he ENTERS and deposits (condom not withstanding). He gives and you receive. Even if you only permit him to stimulate you orally (cunninglingus), you have opened yourself to him and given the only thing you have that he really, truly values. In doubt over this? What woman has ever given a man her love, money, friendship, support etc but not her sex (or even worse, has shared her sex with other men) and maintained the man’s love and respect within the boundaries of a serious relationship i.e. marriage? You got it! … Couples in open marriages. Unless this is something you desire and can handle with a consenting partner, you will have to accept that your vagina is the most valuable thing you have to offer a man. So every time you make it available for his exploration, you are giving HIM a gift. Not the other way round.

FINGER NUMBER FOUR

Sayings such as, “Behind every successful man is a good woman”, “Women are the backbone of society” etc were not conjured out of thin air. Women do have the ability to change a man. But let us tread carefully here. DIRECTLY FROM THE VAULT OF MY PAST RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCES: You cannot change a man who doesn’t love or want you, to make him do so. You cannot change a man from someone else’s husband into yours (he won’t leave her but he will keep sleeping with you if you let him). You cannot change a man who compulsively cheats on you (although you can make him better at hiding his sexual escapades from you). You cannot change a violent, abusive man (and should never try unless he’s your legal husband, and God and some very, very good counsellors are involved).

So what can we change, or more accurately, what do we have the power to exercise influence over in a man we’re romantically involved with? Bearing in mind that the premise to this is his own desire to be a better person, a woman has the ability to make her man more responsible in his working life (or with his education); to make him party less, smoke or drink less, and/or give up drugs; to make him kinder and more romantic towards her; to make him desire the comfort and security of marriage; and to make him grow closer to God (with all the goodness that comes along with that). In other words, she has the ability to influence him to grow into a stronger, softer, more mature man.

The magic wand, dear sisters, is our own virtue, the standards we maintain, and the quality of our own lives. By being patient, kind, loving, forgiving, mature, spiritual/religious/ethical, and responsible with our working lives, our friends and family members, and with the man that we love, we earn the right to hold him to those same standards. Whether he has always been an immature dog, is going through a phase, or has just never seen a good enough reason to grow up, a woman has the power to change that. So you see ladies, if your man is a dog, you should view that in part as a personal failure on your side. Either for not being wise enough to identify a good man in the first place, or for not being mature enough to work the raw material you have into something more desirable. If nothing else, this at least gives you a feeling of control over your relationships, rather than playing the role of victim.

I am not a happily married female, yet. I am still learning the lessons I’ve shared with you in this post, and decided to make 2009 my year of celibacy to take a hiatus from men, to work on certain elements of my personal development. So I can become a better type of woman, for myself, and ultimately for the type of man I would wish to settle with. It’s all about claiming personal responsibility for what you want out of life.

That’s the secret to becoming the architect of one’s destiny.

Please feel free to share by posting to your walls, bookmarking, emailing to friends, and don’t forget to subscribe via RSS (“,)

Thanks for reading.

The Gender Agenda (Pt 1): MEN DO NOT RESPECT WOMEN!

2009-03-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

No it’s not a question. It’s a statement. And a statement you need to pay close attention to. Both men and women.

MEN DO NOT FIND IT EASY TO RESPECT WOMEN

Whatever the history that led to the current reality, we now live in times when the media bombards us with images of easy, unintelligent women; times when women themselves act in a way that undermines their value, and men are walking around day and night absorbing these messages.

Most men understand intellectually that not all women fall into the negative stereotype (or “chicken head” category), but they expect “good girls” to be few and far in between. If you’re in the business of selling, you’ll know that people these days begin with an incredulous and disbelieving mindset. So when men meet YOU, who considers herself a “good girl” they will not, for the most part, accept that at face value. And over the duration that they interact with you, they will lean towards believing the actions and statements you make that permits them to put you in the category of “chicken head”. In other words, it is very hard to gain the respect of a man, and relatively easy to lose it.

Some of us may be wondering, “Why should I care about this? It’s their loss if they get it wrong.” Yes, it is their loss ladies, but it’s ours as well. Who wants to be pigeonholed as stupid or easy? And who wants to miss an opportunity because of such a label?

In the time that I’ve spent interacting with males, I’ve learnt a lot. It is true that you are much simpler than women (for the most part). It is true that you have massive, delicate egos. It is true that you have emotions but do not enjoy expressing them (for the most part). It is true that your first concern when you meet a woman is to sleep with her (for the most part). It is also true that you can be quite dumb.

Guys, if a female that is around you acts a mess, PLEASE understand this: You can take advantage of her weakness and problems and have a good laugh at her expense, like a little boy. Or you can man up and be that strong, kind, gentleman who aims to remind her of her worth.

Similarly, you can resist the urge to lump all women in the same underdeveloped basket. Yes, I understand that there is a scarcity of men in the world. And you black brothers (in particular) are all too well aware of this. I would like to suggest to you that this issue is bigger than your egos, and may be about choosing to love the expression of God (said female) that destiny chose to introduce into your path. KILL the arrogance, please. It is so small, and you are so big.

Sisters, I make a point of correcting men when any of us are called sluts, whores or bitches. I point out that a promiscuous woman is not a slut, whore or bitch, but a woman with problems, or at a certain stage of her personal development. I talk to them about brotherly compassion towards us and withholding judgement. But ladies PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE … let us try to keep our legs shut. Let us try, even harder, to keep our mouths to ourselves, away from their mouths and their penises. Let us try harder to maintain the same standards we expect of them. And PLEASE, LET US STOP INSULTING EACH OTHER IN THEIR PRESENCE.

These actions merely serve to build up into a perception of women that is parallel to how the West perceives Africa: Badly managed, intellectually weak, easy to cheat, manipulate and exploit, sexually peverse and diseased … yet, so full of potential to be Great.

Each and every one of us is on the same life journey and our struggles are common. Wouldn’t it be so much more enjoyable a journey if we shared understanding and goodwill rather than distrust and vaguely cloaked mutually sabotaging efforts? I, for one am sick and tired of the assumptions made about my person, and having self reflected I see there are things I need to change in my behaviour and character to avoid these presumptions. I own that. I am asking that we individually and communally own the situation and responsibility to improve it. Because quite frankly?

It sucks diseased chimpanzee balls.

It’s called Therapy.

2009-02-27T07:51:00.000-08:00

I can see more clearly today than in the past, that the darkest times in my life, the times most filled with pain, confusion, frustration and the real desire to give up were the times when I depended upon myself or other people for the progress or results I was looking for.

I’ve been back at university since early January, 8/9 months away from graduating, and until two days ago I was not able to look at a book, or write one word relating to my degree.

BLANK

Just nothing. Give me weed, cigarettes, alcohol, a camera … ANY distraction that is NOT related to academic work.

No date, appointment, or schedule stuck in my head. The business school lecturers and staff have been nothing short of supportive and patient, but I pulled a final trick this Wednesday when I turned up on the last presentation slide for a talk to the business school being given by a very illustrious Chairman and English gent – who also happens to be my business mentor – and who I was also supposed to be introducing.

… Yeah. I got a written warning after that one.

The counsellor I’m seeing once a week figures it’s a part of my grieving, my feelings of guilt, and my “all or nothingness”. It took 30mins into an hour long session for her to figure out that I have no middle ground, my thermostat goes hot and cold, and that’s it. (Ha! My sister’s been telling me that one for free for years.) My response to her, “Well, couldja fix it? Not to rush you or anything but we’re coming to the end of the first term, and I don’t exactly have time to be ‘blocked’ right now.” She gave me a slightly puzzled, amused look and set me my weekly task.

This week, I’m supposed to contemplate whether The Block (as it is now known) is being induced by my fear of succeeding … perhaps as much as it is being induced by my fear of failing. Chew on that one folks.

So my degree means a lot to me. If you’ve read my blogs you’ll know this is meant to be third time lucky. Not being one for the hoops one has to jump through in formal education, content is everything to me. And the content of this degree is on point. I’ve learnt a lot about business, about working with people and I’m also learning about reliability. My point? I want this degree. And today I did what I always do when things start to really get me down. I called my mommy.

She reminded me that our greatest battle (a spiritual one) is fought and won or lost in the mind. That there will be at least three voices in your head at any one time, and during the most testing times, usually more. The voice of God, the voice of the devil, and your own voice. The negative thoughts, which in my head go something like, “You’re all hype and no substance” “You’re a disappointment to your dad, your mom, your siblings and yourself” “You’re failing” “You will fail”, she said are from the devil. They are there to undermine your confidence and weaken your spirit. You must open your ears wide, hear those words and pray to God to silence these lies. She told me so many blessed people are led to self destruct by the negative voices in their minds, and that is the devil’s way of blocking or limiting the light God desires to put into the world. And it succeeds because we are cheated into believing we are working on our own.

But we’re not. We’re working on earth with spiritual forces. And the greatest spiritual force is God. “So call on Him to take control, Davinia”, she said. “He gave you your talents for a reason, He put you on this earth for a reason, and His plan for you is the only Truth. You can do this and everything else, because you are not working alone. Yes you can Davinia. Yes you can!” (Mom had to throw a little Obama in there (“,))

And I remembered the worst times of my short life so far, and saw that I did not come through them by my power. I did not pass my exams in December, in the middle of my dad’s funeral by my power, and I will not be completing this degree or any other accomplishment by my power. I am God’s child. This life of mine is His. My burdens are His and my victories are His.

So today, I am able to step back – considerably less foggy than yesterday – and say, “Jesus take the wheel … this is your party.”

And I’ll be damned if I don’t feel a twinge of excitement right now.

As for my counselling task, she was right. I have for a long time suffered from a fear of succeeding and an almost equal fear of failing. I have experienced both failure and success, repeatedly, and I can definitely state in no uncertain terms that I much prefer the taste of success. I also enjoy the learning and uplifting process of success much more than the crushing and depressing process of failure. And that’s where that third voice comes in, our own voice in our minds. It is the Free Will that God gave man, the power of choice. Our choices navigate our life’s journey. And at any moment, we can stop making choices that are leading us along a journey we no longer wish to travel.

So I’m making a firm choice today, and you, dear readers, are my witnesses:

I CHOOSE SUCCESS.

It isn’t going to be easy, but failing is even harder. I choose small steps, tiny bites, and patience with life and myself. I choose genuine, humbling effort, and I choose to make the most of each day.

Whatever your belief system is, I ask you to join me in a group prayer in your own words or borrowing mine …

Dear God. We thank You for Your love, Your blessings and Your mercy. We thank You for Your forgiveness, as we Your children are but sinners. Yet we come to You time and time again, and You renew us, You replenish us and send us back out into the world to do better, to live better and to be better ambassadors of Your Loving Kindness. Heavenly father, lend us Your strength, give us Your wisdom, and grace us with Your peace. Bless our families and friends for the care they take of us. And bless our enemies (and our haters) that they find Your light inside of them, and therefore their own happiness and purpose. Thank you Father.

Amen.

Thanks for reading.

Taalam Acey's The Perfect Poem (Live Recital)

2009-02-17T05:10:00.000-08:00

I love this poem and hope you enjoy it too!

The Commencement address at Stanford by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios

2009-02-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

This is the text of the Commencement address at Stanford by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

National Awareness Day for PPS (People Pleasing Syndrome)

2009-02-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

I was born a people pleaser. I’m sure you’re familiar with this disease that is as debilitating as it is devious in nature. But before I share my own experience with PPS (also know in some African countries as ‘Follow Follow’), let me describe the known causes of the disease, its symptoms, reasons why it is notoriously difficult to diagnose and the available cures.

CAUSES OF PPS

1. Some believe that PPS is a genetic disease that can be passed on, where even one parent is a dormant carrier (i.e. either they had a parent with PPS or were cured of the disease. Research shows there is a potential for the illness to still become active in their children, through improper understanding of the push and pull effect in childrearing). The disease is able to skip a generation and naturally not all children of a carrier will become symptomatic, but the chances are markedly increased when the gene is active in one or both parents, automatically doubling from a 2 in 5 probability to 4 out of 5, that their children will become symptomatic.

2. Another school of thought argues that PPS merely mimics congenital illnesses, but is in fact transferred as a result of nurture not nature. In other words, children who are reared under the influence of parents who have PPS, are more likely to become symptomatic themselves.

SYMPTOMS OF PPS

1. One of the most common symptoms of PPS is an inability to take action without the requirement of external validation. PPS is a graded disease. Stage 1 PPS sufferers may likely only display a difficulty, usually sporadic, in acting without external validation. Whereas Stage 5 PPS will present with little or no brain activity in the patient, making it impossible for them to act without being told what to do by someone who is perceived by patient as an authority or power figure.

2. PPS patients have a speech impediment that causes them to use phrases such as, “Everyone knows…”, “No one thinks…”, “The right way …” etc with a high degree of frequency. They will also frequently leverage the first person plural “We”, and the possessive adjective “Our” to add weight to statements or claims they are making.

3. Late stage PPS patients are generally incapable of original thought, and will obsessively refer to “official” reports, statistics, and random statements made by perceived authority figures, which they present as their own opinion. Early stage patients may exhibit lack of confidence in their ideas when challenged persistently and intensively on them, especially when the challenge is presented by an admired or respected figure.

4. Patients may suffer from lazy eye in one or both globular organs, which cause their eyes to dart around the room when speaking in search of support or validation from the nearest perceived power figure.

DIFFICULTY IN MAKING ACCURATE DIAGNOSIS

1. PPS is difficult to diagnose because of variability in the power figure that sufferers defer (and refer) to. The power figure can be a parent, a spouse, any member of a perceived stronger sex, an employer, elder, priest or pastor, and sometimes even a group of people who patient perceives to have admirable or desirable qualities. (NOTE: There is no requirement for real, evidential authority in the power figure, merely patient’s ‘perception’ of that authority.) This variability makes PPS very difficult to diagnose, compared to other illnesses such as ‘Mama’s Boy’ or ‘Teacher’s Pet’, which have a singular underlying root cause.

2. PPS is a highly transferable disease, and sufferers will often change their preferred power figure throughout their lifetime.

3. Symptoms of PPS can be very easily misrepresented or mistaken for ‘loyalty’, ‘respectfulness’, ‘niceness’, ‘quietness’, ‘piety’, etc. Unless the one seeking to make a diagnosis is careful to remain mindful of all the symptoms described above, a PPS sufferer can very easily slip under the radar.

POSSIBLE CURES

1. The first step in attempting to cure PPS is acceptance by the patient that they display symptoms of the disease. It may be apparent to the onlooker that an individual is symptomatic, but unless patient is willing to self examine or be examined by a professional, they will no doubt continue to live with this dangerous disease, and eventually pass it on to their children, who may also pass it on to theirs.

2. There is a 6 week intensive shock treatment available to PPS patients. Unfortunately Marilyn Manson is regularly on tour and may not be available to accept new patients into his care, at this time.

3. The next available option is to seek professional counselling and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to adjust the patient’s people pleasing behaviour, as caused by the disease.

4. It is possible to THINK ones way either into a lower grade of PPS or out of the illness completely. This is the most painful (also much less fun than shock treatment with Marilyn Manson) and difficult option to curing PPS. It requires a high daily dose of courage, acknowledgement of the imperfection of human beings, and a strong belief in one’s own inner power and authority, whether or not this is sanctioned by any divinity.

I am a Grade 1 PPS sufferer. And I am determined beat this disease or die trying! I inherited it from my parents at a very early age and have been making strides to live with and cure the illness via the power of THOUGHT. Every year, I observe my PPS become less of an intrusive force in my life and look forward to being completely symptom free one day. Life without PPS is the very definition of freedom. It is a dignified and contented life, in which one if free to pursue happiness as they define it.

If you think you may suffer from PPS, or know someone who appears to present with the symptoms above, please feel free to copy or forward this free informational post to them, so you and/or they may take the first steps towards claiming a life that is PPS FREE.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!

PPS is a dangerous disease that can be easily manipulated to perpetuate abuse, crime, and political injustices. Those wives who stayed silent when they knew their husbands abused their children suffered from Grade 5 PPS. The perpetrators of mass genocide on the orders of a so-called leader suffered from Stage 5 PPS. And those annoying people who inject their opinions into conversations or comment boards/forums, aiming to match the tone of the majority without being able to put forth a logical, or at least respectable argument – ALSO suffer from PPS.

For more information please contact Meditations of An African Woman, a non-profit organisation dedicated to raising awareness and ridding the world of this heinous disease, through the power of THOUGHT.

Thank you for reading, and sharing!

Davinia Douglas
CEO, Meditations of an African Woman
(Stage 1 PPS and still thinking…)

Leave Chris Brown ALONE! Rihanna will survive her beatdown!!!

2009-02-10T20:04:00.001-08:00

No ... Rihanna will probably need some counseling and a shoulder to cry on. But STILL - Leave Chris Brown Alone!

*** ETA: DUDES, I did not say the police should leave him alone.

Not everyone who perpetuates domestic violence is a criminal, yes, it's a tough thing to argue but I can argue it, from a place of experience as a once victim of domestic violence, no less.

And in case you wondered, yes I took his ass to court, and he was found guilty. That's the right thing to do! It INDICATES that there is a problem which needs to be addressed.

I felt a lot of anger towards the perpetrators of abuse, and in a lot of cases they ARE criminally minded cowards who need a thorough hose down in JAIL! But in some cases, this simply isn't true. We can't deny that abused people abuse people (esp. when they're young and are still growing out of imprinted experiences from childhood.)

I am disappointed by the disdain some have for the VICTIMS of domestic abuse. Not all of them are on a hustle for fame, or any other kind of reward. Many themselves witnessed abuse or were abused growing up.

I just hope that people will make the effort to look deeper, past the surface and not toe the easy-line in all cases of abuse.

CHRIS BROWN IS A CHILD AND IT IS A FIRST (reported) OFFENCE. Let the police and his mama do their job - that's all I'm saying.

Believe me, I personally do not believe that that was the first time he hit her (if it was Rihanna), domestic violence tends to grow in intensity and to do it in public like that ... he'd probably done it a few times before. That's from my understanding of this painful issue.

It does not negate my point about his character, his youth, his family background, and his service to the public. Thus my impassioned request that people adopt a more appropriate perspective on the matter. ***

Chris Brown history of family abuse - http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/02/09/2009-02-09_chris_brown_revealed_history_of_family_a.html

Chris Crocker, "Leave Britney Alone" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWSjUe0FyxQ

SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL - http://www.youtube.com/user/Ladyd2k

25 Random Things ...

2009-02-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

1. I am not as crazy-adventurous as most people think I am. I plan in deep detail, overthink and over analyse almost everything I do to satisfy myself that it fits in with my Big Picture. I may do it for ages or briefly, but when I finally act it is swift, unwitholding and absolute - thus the appearance of being dynamic and adventurous.

2. I HATE experimenting with food! Lol. I'll go to the same few favourite restaurants, and order the same few favourite meals. I just hate nasty food surprises.

3. I love food, sex, money and intelligence in equal measure.

4. I believe there is a difference between using and abusing drugs.

5. I am very deeply 'God-conscious'. Even though - again - my wanton behaviour will make most think otherwise.

6. I'm a sucker for love. A big pussy really for loved ones. Like, I have a tendency to submerge myself rather unhealthily in the feeling. I'm better and still working on it.

7. I love to shock people. I love to tease, with fair warning though lol. I generally prefer to leave an impression.

8. I am a hermit about 85% of the time. Maybe even 90%. I just enjoy solitude.

9. I am extremely eccentric. Much more than you think!

10. I have a goddess fantasy lol. That's all I'm saying!

11. I talk to myself - alot! I guess it comes from being on my own so much.

12. I've been accused of watching porn like people watch Eastenders - 4 times a week and then an omnibus on Sunday.

13. I'm glad we're independent from Britain.

14. I believe if the whole world were destroyed the only thing left would be a Nigerian. But that is only evidence of my typical Nigerian arrogance. Why are Nigerians arrogant when we have no great dynasty that proves our history of brilliance? Because we have no documented history. If we could travel back in time, through our many ancestors, we would find ourselves in a great African Kingdom, were we were all Kings and Queens. Thus the Nigerian arrogance.

15. I have a village girl fantasy. That's all I'm saying.

16. I do believe some people need deliverance.

17. If you check the ancient ruins of Jerusalem more closely, you will find a carving that say's "Naija wuz 're!" ... Nigerian arrogance.

18. Sometimes, I do things that are so bad, I do actually deny them lol.

19. I'm a submissive.

20. I used to have a picture of Kevin Costner in my Bible for a few years at boarding school in Nigeria.

21. I believe in the Big Bang Theory. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in the God Theory. God is the creative force, that science and art both capture so eloquently and logically.

22. Nigerians are the greatest adventurers. We've travelled the world in large numbers. You will find a Nigerian everywhere from Alaska, with his eskimo wife and kids, to the tiniest villages in China - with his village Chinese wife and kids. We traveled and learnt languages, learnt and settled, and integrated. But we received little recognition or economic benefit from it. Because unlike the western expeditions and their Columbus', we did not conquer, we didn't exploit, we did not attempt to 'civilize with our ways'. Thus Nigerians are the greatest adventurers.

23. One of my favorite TV programmes when I was in Air Force Primary School, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria was 'Speak Out' the daytime show where students from poorer schools would debate each other on TV. These kids would rip each other to shreds with the kind of skill that brought Jack Nicholson to his knees in the movie 'A Few Good Men', talking 'bout, "You can't handle the truth!" They did a remake recently ... I think it was called, 'The Great Debaters'. (Nigerian arrogance)

24. This is probably the LENGTHIEST 25 Random Things you've ever read huh? Lol. You may even be thinking this girl is soooo smart (or at least thinks she is!). But if I was that smart (or thought I was!) wouldn't I be able to say all this MUCH more briefly? Like in a haiku? ... Like, right?

"You pour yourself out
Spilling forth your entirety
All on our behalf"

25. I have sometimes left my dignity at the club house.

Dick Gregory at State of Black Union 08 Pt.1

2009-02-01T04:05:00.001-08:00

Grandpa Gregs is the bomb!

The Big Move PART 1 & 2 - Changed location recently?

2009-01-29T01:28:00.001-08:00

I've decided to start video blogging more ... and not just because I said I would! But with a more definite purpose.

The definition of that purpose is my next post topic. Do please make some suggestions on the sort of issues and topics you'd like me to vlog about.

You've read my writing, you know I keep it Oprah-esque (if you have to be put in a box!!!).

IDEAS peeps ...

Dx

Keeping It Real ...

2009-01-22T23:02:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write this, and I wanted to write it ugly. I try very much in my writing and for the most part in my communication with people, to keep it real. When you meet me, if you are around me for long enough, you see the rawness of a real human being.

Now some of you know my shit, because I like to be the one to tell my own stories. It's cheap therapy for one thing, and it helps me deal with issues because I acknowledge them by holding them up to light. I've grown, certain doubts, insecurities and issues have been dealt with (others remain) so I can handle my business in private better today than I did yesterday.

But I still like to maintain a bone baring honesty with people. I choose to present all sides of a complicated human nature because that is what human nature often is - complicated.

Over the last two or three months, I not only lost my father, but I lost almost my entire extended family and I lost quite a few friends too. I had my psychological and spiritual stability tested to breaking point - quite literally, and I was confronted with a test that I have faced twice before and couldn't break through, until this time around.

I managed, with the support of a few true family members (blood and none blood related), to get through the threat of eviction, shutting down of bank accounts, abuse from family, theft, attacks, threats and disrespect from so called "step-family members", sitting exams after missing the entire term of school (cos my dad passed away at the start of term) during the struggle to peacefully bury my dad, admist newspaper coverage of said struggle, while struggling with my own mortgages, two previous lapses into clinical depression, and the memory two previous uncompleted degrees ...

I write this because I want you to understand what it meant to be able to go out over the holidays, let my hair down and have a good time. I want you to understand what it meant to have not gone to the doctors for anti-depressant medication to carry me through the worst of this shit. I want you to understand what it meant to have passed my mother fucking exams even though I sometimes only revised the work an hour before the exam started. I want you to understand what it meant to try (and I'm still trying) to deal with the financial implications of losing my dad at the time that I did, not knowing when or how much of my inheritance I will eventually receive. And that is not the sum total of the weight I continue to smile, laugh and dance under to this very day.

I write this, for any woman or man, white, black and every shade inbetween, who might at any point in time DENY the struggle of what it is to make it as a black person in the world today. Whether you deny the struggle of others, or you deny your own struggles. Whether you judge and scrutinize others, or you denigrate and put down yourself. I write so you can put my tear-strained and smiling eyes, my weak but grateful laugh, my sprightly yet heavy steps in MOTHERFUCKING CONTEXT, ok?

I am grateful to be standing here today with the opportunity to move forward with my dreams. I know the forces that are would NOT be trying so damn hard to stop me if there wasn't something GREAT to try to stop.

But I didn't want to front for the world. I wanted you to understand and know the meaning of my smiles, and my laughter.

I am so grateful for Barack and Michelle Obama ... but believe me people racism, racial injustice and racial inequality is still out there. We do what we have to do to live in dignity but a single person cannot claim freedom whilst our own people still live widely in chains.

We must OVERCOME our struggles whatever they may be, to focus on and serve a higher calling. And be real with it! Lets be real with one another about what it takes to make it out here. It's not about acknowledging people only when you see them start to get theirs and you forget them when they struggle. It's not about losing faith in yourself or in others when times get hard. Support from a distance if need be, but we need to feel and express that love and support however we can.

I saw a video on YouTube that distressed me ... I wept within seconds of viewing this ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvdkKkxjKdY&feature=related ... both for the black on black attack, the failure of the stronger to protect the weaker, and the turning of a blind eye by the justice system ..

Life is MORE than just getting PAID for yourSELF! Life is more than just your pain and your struggles.

Rise, my people! Mobilize, my people.

Best of YouTube 2008

2009-01-21T04:09:00.001-08:00

This is dedicated to the two hottest YouTube channels of 2008! Moi giving my little shout out to Temple Christian of GurlTalkkTV and B.Scott of LoveBScott.com.

GET INTO THEM people!

At the heart, it's a message to my two YouTube lovers, telling 'em why I subscribe and support and spread the word that is their work!

**NB: This was recorded in August 2008 ... the Gayanese love muffin is no longer in the picture!

Barack Obama: American Color

2009-01-20T17:46:00.001-08:00

Temple Christian. I knew my boy would be dropping some depth on it.

What It Means ...

2009-01-20T08:12:00.000-08:00

I am sat at home watching the inauguration of Barack Obama, watching the parade of powerful individuals, listening to the analysis of their achievements as greats amongst even greater...

When Obama won the presidential election, I refused to get swept up in the wave of popular celebration. I insisted that people put his election in perspective. That they didn't popularize the man. That they didn't content themselves merely with the symbolism of his electoral victory.

As I watch the inauguration, I feel compelled to elaborate.

Obama is a man, and his wife is woman, who KNOW about pushing forward HARD in the face of disappointment, failure and challenge. And their election as America's presidential couple, the ultimate win, shows how far one can get with that action oriented mentality. BUT, what Obama has won, is really another massive test of his fortitude, compassion, morality, humility and intelligence.

I am looking at his stern yet soft features, and I wonder what is going through his mind ... now he's got what he asked for ... now the world is truly watching ...

No doubt his speech will be on point.

No doubt the visual event is mind blowing.

But what does it really mean ... ?

That if we work, we can earn the opportunity to work even harder. That if we make a small difference today, we can earn the opportunity to make an even bigger difference tomorrow. That ONE PERSON really can make a difference. That GOD DOES EXIST. And that with Him behind your cause, the sky is the limit.

I want every single individual who is aware of any "Handicap" be it race, socio economic background, sex, education, physical, age - whatever it may be - to LIFT YOUR EYES WAY UP and know IT MATTERS NOT. This world belongs to you, and you can choose the degree and extent to which you wish to serve it.

I do not wish Obama to become a popular icon, inevitable as that is, because it distances him and his journey from the you and I.

But there is no distance, there is no difference - none - between Obama, and you, and I.

My fellow Nigerians, my fellow Africans - Our TRUE liberation lies in the heated soil back home. Our true freedom, our simple dignity ... lies in raising our nation back to it's historic greatness.

See what is possible and PUSH YOURSELVES. Push harder. Push harder. So we see it in our lifetime.

It is an "African" American who just fought his way to one historical victory ...

Will we fight our way to ours...?

Richard Jeni - PMS and Red Wine

2009-01-18T05:31:00.001-08:00

Hilarious!!!

PMS BLUES by Dolly Parton

2009-01-18T05:17:00.001-08:00

If Women Ruled The World ...

2009-01-17T22:45:00.000-08:00

"If women ruled the world, once a month we would start a war. We'd be very nice about pulling the troops out 3-5 days later though ..." - Davinia Douglas

I breathed life into my latest business venture on Thursday, 15th January 2009 when Lightbulb Consulting (oh yes, I am, The Lightbulb Consultant) a business consultancy firm that specializes in developing management systems that enable businesses to run more efficiently and profitably, acquired its first client ... sans advertising tools, but with a bit of direct marketing (will let you know when the website is up).

The client is a small media company, with operations in the UK, US and Africa, owned and managed by a prolific business woman. She's a very exciting client to have onboard, and accepted my 20 page proposal for designing and implementing an operations and quality management system that will take her international business to the next level, on a 12 month retainer.

Given my need for the business and the inclusion in my portfolio, you would think that I would be brimming with excitement on the 16th & 17th, right? Wrong, dear readers! I found myself dipping into an inexplicable pool of anxiety, depression and insomnia. And oh boy did I miss my dad! Not because he would have held my hand through my two day pity party. But because he would have fiber optically shaken me out of that little bit of darkness ... Which isn't to say I would not have been vexed with him for doubting the very realness of my oh so apparent melancholy!

I wonder if Oprah gets PMS? Do you think once a month, for a few days she thinks the work she has done that day, nigh, the product of her entire life is completely unworthy of her abilities? Maybe she has some meditation technique or herbal remedy, that resolves the problem. I think I'll ask her staff directly. Hope they don't think I'm cheeky asking about Oprah's PMS when she's probably more worried about menopause!

Anyway, in 2009, health is a key element in my success model. I will be working a 60 hour week studying for the final year of my Bsc Business Enterprise at Buckingham University; running Homesearch Angels (www.homesearch-angels.org - the student relocations service) as part of my course requirements; and operating as The Lightbulb Consultant for my business clients. Like I stated on Facebook status update, "... lets not debate 2008. But give me mine in 2009!"

And 2009 is all about good health, consistency and focus for me.

... Men will have to wait! (We had fun over the holidays though right?)

Best
Davinia, The Lightbulb Consultant.

ETA: I know there are folks right now who are thinking, "WHAT sort of public image is this woman putting out?" Well let me help you understand. I am a human being. A brilliant, talented human being. But a human being none the less. I have my moments. And I have my shortcomings. Sometimes you fall apart while walking onwards, it's a renewal process. And all is in God's very capable hands.

What you ought to ask yourself is, "Who do I REALLY want on my team? An honest dreamer, who can tell the difference between real and ideal. Or a relentless perfectionist, who imposes the same standard on self and others?" ... And, "Whose input is sustainable?"

Danke für das Ablesen ("Thank you for reading" - German in honor of my cousin Daniel, who saw me through this 'period' with humor and sound logic!)

The Purpose of Education

2009-01-05T17:31:00.000-08:00

At school you are engaged not so much in acquiring knowledge as in making mental efforts under criticism. A certain amount of knowledge you can indeed with average faculties acquire so as to retain; nor need you regret the hours you spent on much that is forgotten, for the shadow of lost knowledge at least protects you from many illusions. But you go to a great school not so much for knowledge as for arts and habits; for the habit of attention, for the art of expression, for the art of assuming at a moment's notice a new intellectual position, for the art of entering quickly into another person's thoughts, for the habit of submitting to censure and refutation, for the art of indicating assent or dissent in graduated terms, for the habit of regarding minute points of accuracy, for the art of working out what is possible in a given time, for taste, for discrimination, for mental courage, and for mental soberness. Above all, you go to a great school for self-knowledge.

William Johnson Cory (1823 - 1892, born William Johnson) was a talented educator and poet, born at Torrington, and educated at Eton, where he was afterwards a renowned master, nicknamed Tute (short for "tutor") by his pupils. After Eton, he studied at Cambridge where he gained the chancellor's medal for an English poem on Plato in 1843, and the Craven Scholarship in 1844.