Me, a writer of movie scripts

You perceived it wrong!

2009-11-25T10:00:00.005+01:00

I can’t help to compare two different reactions I’ve received when I gave negative critique to two persons’ books.

The first was from Robert Hartwell Fiske when I had written some less flattering words about his book “The Dictionary of Disagreeable English”. The second was my review of “Writing Drama” of Yves Lavandier, neither this one positive.

I have no idea how Robert Hartwell Fiske found my blog, but he sent me an e-mail asking if I was interested in becoming his friend on Facebook and then receive some free classes.

Considering my negative critique, I e-mailed back, referred to what I had written and asked something like if he had given this offer to the right person.

His answer was that he had read it and I was free to feel anyway I liked about his books, but that I obviously was interested in improving my English and that was what he was offering to help me with.

Opposed to my contact at the publishing company of “Writing Drama” who told me she was disappointed with me, that I had a unique negative opinion, and even tried to prove some of my statements wrong.

Now, of course, in this last case I had been given the book for free to review it, but there had been no obligations to give a positive review.

I don’t know how Robert Hartwell Fiske felt about my plump “like it was written by a grumpy and bitter old man”-statement, but he let me have my rights to my own views; he didn’t try to tell me that I thought wrong.

And that I think is vital. For both parts.

If I tell someone that he or she perceived the wrong things, I deny that person the rights to his/hers whole personality. Because the reason that he/she perceived it the way he/she did is based on this unique persons whole life.

I also deny myself the opportunity to get some valuable feedback. Because, in the end, if someone is to blame for the “wrong” view, it is me, the writer, never the reader.

Before I start writing

2009-11-24T09:53:00.001+01:00

How do I know how much of a mindmap and a beat-sheet that is fulfilled?

I’m thinking of my progress bars to the left where I say that a certain amount of mindmapping and beatsheeting is done.

Well, I don’t.

It is an estimation. A very personal estimation. A reminder for me to hold my horses and not start writing just yet.

Probably I am closer to writing than what the progress bar says, but I want to hold back as long as possible.

I don’t want to get stuck on the third act again.

Writers work differently. I function best if I have things properly planned before I write. I need to have the time to bring up different aspects and questions, to find the glitches. And the opportunities.

I want to get to the final “the end” and have a readable script. Not perfect, but readable.

If I don’t plan, I’m likely to get stuck and don’t get to “the end” at all, like with “Sunlight”. It worked fine, until the third act, which I had not planned fully (or likely missed things throughout the story).

Grown-ups need a special magic word

2009-11-23T10:37:00.012+01:00

I was five or six years old and walked together with my mother a warm summer’s day.

We got to a lake where kids were swimming and playing. I didn’t have a swimsuit with me but my mother agreed that dipping my feet was no problem.

I kicked off my shoes and socks and walked out on a wooden pier and sat down, by myself, dangling with my feet in the cool water, while my mother sat down on a bench nearby.

It didn’t take long before a worried grown-up appeared beside me, asking if I could swim. “No,” I replied. “Well” the troubled grown-up said “the water is deep here.” And then he left.

I looked down into the black water.

Deep for me was deeeep. Not just deeper than I was tall. It was Ocean-deep.

And since I had no intention of getting into the water, and still this grown-up was so worried, then the deep water in itself must be dangerous. Like it could jump up and engulf me.

Suddenly I felt uncomfortable and walked back to my mother, telling her I wanted to continue.

Completely unaware of my fright for this lake, my parents put me in a swimming class practicing here. I was a terrible and difficult pupil who refused to be in deeper water than to my waste.

Once after class my parents tempted me with a little extra money, if I walked along the pier, in the water, until I got my shoulders wet. This, of course, with the intention that I would see that there were nothing to be afraid of after all.

I was terrified, walked a small step of the time, into deeper and deeper water, completely prepared that the bottom of the lake would suddenly disappear below my feet. At the end of the pier, my shoulders were still above the water. I bent my knees, dipped my shoulders and rushed back up.

Nothing learned. Deep water was still dangerous.

I did not learn to swim that summer.

I don’t blame my parents for any of this. I could not put words on my fright and discomfort with this lake until I was grown-up. How should they have known then?

The fright for deep waters followed me. Every year I was one of the few who didn’t pass the obligatory swimming test in school. Not because I couldn’t swim – because I finally learned that by my mother, in a shallow swimming pool – but because I refused to swim when the water got deep.

When I finally learned to handle 1.8 meter deep water, the deepest area in the pool, the tests moved to another place. A pool with jumping tower and 5 meter deep water. The one time I knew I was going to pass the test I had to do it in a deeeep pool.

When I swam my meters on my back looking up into the ceiling high above me (due to the jumping tower) and could not get out of my mind that I had just as much under me I simply freaked out.

I’ve returned to the scary, black lake to swim as a grown-up, to get rid of some ghosts.

It wasn’t Ocean-deep where I sat that time as a kid. It was probably less than the 1.8 meters I finally managed to handle.

Now, as a parent myself, I think of that kind grown-up who showed such care for me, but succeeded to make me terrified for deep water. How little I as a grown-up really can understand of what is going on in the heads of my kids. And how unlikely it is that I will ever find the magic words to cure what ever frights they will get.

But if they ever get fright for deep waters, I might have a clue.

Fashion model underwater in dolphin tank, Marineland, Florida
Toni Frissell Collection
Similar image published in Vogue, October 1939
Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division Washington, D.C. 20540 USA

Are rules in script writing for good or for evil?

2009-11-20T10:00:00.001+01:00

What types of stories am I working on now?

The late Blake Snyder claimed that there are only ten types of stories. Which of these fit my two stories?

Now, one must halt and consider: Am I writing a template script when I need to ask this question? I would say no, and yet… yes.

To say that it becomes a template script because it follows given rules is harsh. There are plenty of excellent movies out there who all fit into any of the ten types, and also match Syd Field’s ideas about structure.

But of course it is healthy to once in awhile inspect if I feel I’m limiting myself and my stories by the rules.

I do however feel that I am doing the right thing.

Let’s say I write a story about a monster eating humans. I’ve figured this story out all by myself and write it down as my new masterpiece, thinking that reading anything about this type of story would ruin my intentions.

I would not be the first writing a story about a monster eating humans. And with the attitude about not examine earlier work in the genre, I would likely miss that this type of story only works if the humans cannot leave the area. Maybe I would even miss that it is quite vital that this monster must be caused by humans, one way or another.

These rules are built from simple analysis which movies worked and which didn’t.

As long as I feel that the stories I write fit into any of the ten types Blake Snyder listed, then I will use the experiences of previous works to explore and enhance my own fabulous work.

So, where was I? Oh, yes: what types of stories am I working on now?

So, is it a man or a woman, this fellow?

2009-11-19T14:43:00.006+01:00

One thing I just love to do when I'm working with an idea is to switch the character’s sexes.

If my first impulse is to make a character a man I halt and consider “why a man?” I do the same with female characters.

If my first impulse to make “the director” a man is because male directors are more common, he turns into a she.

It is soooo easy to assume male and female parts. Men do this and women that. Why enhance this by writing scripts that embrace this illusion? See this blog entry.

Alright, I might get a woman behaving like a bulldozer – which is far less accepted than a male bulldozer – but I prefer that before having all women behaving as expected (which almost always have something to do with looks and beauty).

Directing my own stories?

2009-11-18T11:37:00.003+01:00

Why am I not interested in directing?

Comfort, laziness and fright I guess.

If I was about to direct a short movie of my own, in what situation do I put myself? I need to find money, actors, props, locations, equipment and crew.

If I had started doing my own movies with dad’s Super8-camera when I was a kid, I would probably love the idea of organizing all this by now. But in my dreams I was to become a writer, of books, novels. So it never crossed my mind to do any filming.

Besides, I’ve never been a person with a wide network of people. I enjoy my solitude. To constantly be on the run, organizing and networking is simply not me.

Animations, yes, that I would like to do. If I felt I had the time. If I have fifteen minutes here and there, I can write, just like that, but when it comes to animation it takes fifteen minutes to get it all started and recognize where I left off last time. I need hours at a time to work on an animation. And those hours simply does not exist in my life right now.

My dad filmed a lot and I was always around when he was cutting it together. Then the VHS had its big breakthrough with its accessibility, but also worse quality and close to no options of cutting and editing. That killed my father’s interest before mine had the time to get a proper start.

Now it is a completely different story. Now it is editable in a computer. And I just love working with our home videos. But it will stay with that.

I love to write. That is what I want to do.

If nobody was interested in my scripts, I had more likely changed media, than start filming on my own.

I just met eleven potential directors

2009-11-17T10:51:00.007+01:00

Last Friday night I attended a speed-dating-mingle-party for moviemakers.

The speed-dating was a way to introduce directors with other professionals within the industry. Four minutes, then I moved to the next table.

After eleven tables (eleven directors) it was time for mingle.

As this was the first try of this kind of arrangement, it quickly turned out that when it came to the “mingle” part they had something to change to the next time. Because close to everybody kept their seats. Which left me and a few others standing somewhat confused. Mingle simply does not work if not everybody are standing.

Never the less I enjoyed the evening.

Not that I dislike my ordinary colleagues, but it was great to meet people of another kind. Everybody around me plays computer games, have kids, play golf or jog. Though everybody is unique, it is a surprisingly homogenous group of people.

That Friday I meat people outside that group. People who didn’t care for computer games, didn’t talk about their kids and kept their sporting habits to themselves. I met women who wore legwarmers and colorful hairdos. There were soft guys!

As I introduced myself over and over I met different kind of reactions. Mostly I felt their amazement about the fact that I spent the last eight years writing in English. Of course I got questions about how I succeeded in finding an American producer without living there, but when I said that he found me, through my blog, it was not the expected answer.

As I’ve noted before there are not many pure scriptwriters in Sweden. As it was eight years ago when I started to write in English, it still is today: directors write their own scripts.

One director seemed to ponder what use she would have of a scriptwriter – photographer, yes; make-up, yes – but a scriptwriter?

Another one could not understand why I didn’t have the ambition to direct my own stories. She wouldn’t dream of just leaving her stories to somebody else. And, well, from a Swedish point of view at least, that is a justified question.

I can't say that I felt that this meeting will lead to any work on my home area. It was a very interesting and joyful evening anyway. And gave me few more Facebook friends.

The impassable obstacle in the third act

2009-11-13T10:00:00.003+01:00

What is it with me and third acts?

I know where the story starts. I know how it ends. I’ve figured out the Point of No Return (or as I like to think about it – the ultimate happiness moment). And the All Is Lost is there as well.

How can it them be so problematic to get something happening in the third act?

In my resting project Sunlight I also had problems with the third act. The main character had already changed. He had already proved his worthy. Not much left to tell then, is it?

Script gurus like Syd Field and the late Blake Snyder tell about the importance to have a close to impassable obstacle in the way of the character to achieve his/hers goal.

I like to think about the finale as the time the main character passes all the tests and proves his/her worthy.

Both approaches point in the same direction: If I had had a clear goal for the main character, I would not have a problem with the third act.

Photo is licensed under
Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 3.0 Germany License.

Mind mapping a movie script

2009-11-12T10:00:00.002+01:00

As I’ve mentioned I’m working with mind mapping on my two parallel projects.

The great advantages compared to my beat sheet on paper is that one, it is on a computer (which is neater than a large paper) and two, the discussions, the questions and such are kept together with the structure.

I’ve got one branch called structure where I’ve added the Blake Snyder beat sheet as a mind map tree. Then there is one branch for the characters and several branches discussing different parts of the story.

I’ve not found the ultimate form for this yet – it’s too much to ask for – but it’s likely to become a tool I will use more often.

My problem right now is that my mind maps are becoming really large.

I think it would be a good idea to split them up to several. At least when I’ve been working on an idea long enough and I’m getting down to something more than a rough sketch.

What I like with the beat sheet on physical paper is the feeling for the length of the story and also the ability to easily draw arrows and others less letterized notes.

It is just too much right now

2009-11-11T10:00:00.001+01:00

Right now there is a situation at work that affects me in a very negative way. It’s not about the mood I get into, but the annoying idea my brain has about making up quarrels.

It’s like it prepares arguments with people. Arguments that will likely not take place, since we all try to behave like decent people.

And my brain has a terrible problem with letting the current fight go.

There are so many things I would like to say to some people right now. But there are several valid reasons why I shouldn’t.

But my brain keeps processing anyway. It makes me sick-n-tired of listen to this endless, pointless rabble.

Some people probably say I should settle this conflict by taking it on. Yes, in most cases I would agree.

This is however not one of those cases. It is complicated and nothing to ventilate on this blog.

I can only do my best to move the focus of this very creative mind of mine from destructive made-up quarrels to writing before it starts eating itself.

The screenwriter's final drafts

2009-11-09T10:00:00.000+01:00

The two short scripts have been accepted.

Something I have written will be produced.

Wow!

It is an extraordinary feeling in many ways. Right now I’m amazed at the fact that my job is done.

The rest is not up to me.

I can’t say that I want to direct and produce myself, but it is definitely an odd feeling to leave the work before it’s done.

But it is done. My part of it.

This is where I let go.

I know my scripts are in good hands. It’s just that I wasn’t fully prepared for the loss. The scripts were ready, but I wasn’t.

All I can do now is watch. And enjoy.

It's.... ALIVE!!!

2009-11-06T12:53:00.003+01:00

I just love to feel my brain alive.

This may sound silly, but I’ve had a period where I’ve felt it’s been like calling into an empty cave.

Now, suddenly if I spend a thought at one of the new projects and the next second I have solved a problem or shaped a character or something else.

I remember a reflection I did as a child that it felt like my mind had layers, different levels of thinking.

I remember this very clearly because some of the layers were talking – or rather having an argument – and I (what ever I is in this case) dived into the debate from the top and the bottom layers.

Make any sense?

Not likely.

Never mind.

Anyway, I’m up and running with two new ideas and that feels great.

Two parallel projects - do they solve the problem?

2009-11-04T12:38:00.003+01:00

I’ve been brainstorming around my two new projects with the help of a program called FreeMind.

I’m amazed at how much help a good functional program gives; when it’s just to enter your ideas (in this case) without fuss. A rare experience.

Another pleasant amazement is the feeling of a brain in coma starting up and get to work and simply scream to me “oh, don’t stop now! I want more to process!”

My sweet little Swedish angel in my old version of “the Beautymaker” turns into a seductive, bitter bitch. My villain in “ERG” is suddenly an interesting surprise.

As it is now at this early stage “ERG” has more attention. I will however work with both at the same time. I want to see if it helps periods of stuckness in one project to have another project at the same stage.

You see, when I’m in my writing phase in a script, I want to write. But now when I got stuck, I had nothing else to write. And the need to write was so strong, that the pure thought to take a break and start working with another idea was repulsive.

If I have two parallel projects, maybe I won’t have that problem.

I've had some dark hours

2009-11-02T10:00:00.006+01:00

Finally I have to admit that I am stuck with my “Sunlight” script.

I’ve read it through and it is absolutely stunningly great.

But stuck in mud. Deep, heavy and sticky mud.

I’ve decided to put it in resting mode and dive into two other ideas. One new and one old.

“ERG” (the real title tells too much) and “The Beautymaker” (my third feature script – horrible).

I have to keep moving.

I know that one day “Sunlight” will lift itself out of the mud and I’ll fly on its wings, but it's not today.

Today I'll enjoy the green spring in my mind, following new, less muddy roads.

The light has returned to the dark hours

2009-10-28T11:25:00.002+01:00

I’ve received the third draft from Robert A Vollrath that I now will transform into the forth, and hopefully final draft.

We had e-mailed back and forth about the changes I had made between his first draft and my second and one thing that I had removed without real intention was the humor.

I considered the lines in question unnecessary, misplaced or simply not funny. I didn’t think about this very serious story as a story with one-line jokes. Not that I deliberately said to myself that I would take out all the funny moments, I just didn’t see that this, and this, and this, fitted the story.

When I read it now, with the humor back in place, I realize how wrong I was.

And I am surprised and almost chocked that I didn’t see the importance of the funny moments. Am I not the one who hates dark and depressive movies, despising the lack of mood lifters in the dark hours?

Me of all persons remove the so vital humor.

Jokes and fun help us surviving our dark hours. Even Schindler’s List has moments of fun.

The nude man under the table

2009-10-26T10:50:00.005+01:00

When I was a teenager I had the opportunity to be at a set where they filmed a mini-series.

I was amazed at many things. Like how that long gone barber shop became a café for a few hours. And how to hide the shadow of the boom when the sun suddenly dived out from the clouds.

But most of all I wondered how that naked man had ended up under the table.

The mini-series was called “The stairs” and was directed by Eva Bergman and included quite a few well known actors, mostly from the Backa Theatre.

One of these actors was nude and placed himself under one of the café tables on the sidewalk.

Although I didn’t see this. I was suddenly sent up the street to stop the traffic during that take.

And when I turn to take a look if the take is over and I can let the car move along, I see the back of a nude man running away.

I just had to see the miniseries when it turned up in the TV tabloids.

It turned out that the scene didn’t appear until the last episode! And I had to harden myself to make it through the previous ones, every time hoping that this would be the episode with that scene. The series was just so b-a-d.

How he ended up nude under the table?

Well, if you find yourself locked out from your apartment without any clothes on (!) would you then walk out to find your brother to get the spare key?

My turning point to act three

2009-10-23T15:16:00.002+02:00

I was researching what kind of animals live in deserts.

My main character crosses a dessert at night and I was looking for some images to use. Maybe some dangers.

And guess what I found?

A whole scene!

And not any scene for that matter.

I found my turning point to act three.

Just because I happened to came across a legend with roots in Native American culture which inspired me.

Review: Writing Drama by Yves Lavandier

2009-10-22T15:26:00.011+02:00

In August I got an inquiry from Le Clown & l’enfant, a French publishing company, wondering if I was interested in reading and reviewing Writing Drama by Yves Lavandier on my blog.

I was delighted and interested in reading a book from a European writer, since most of the literature I've came across have been from USA.

Close to three months later I've read the almost six hundred pages and am ready to write my review.

What I liked best with this book was that the writer brought up several cases of less successful situations and suggestions that would have brought out more of them. In all books I have read so far only examples that demonstrate the “right way” have been used, never examples where someone could have done a better job.

What I didn’t like and found very annoying was that the writer never succeeded in keeping me interested. It was a difficult reading. Page up and page down packed with text written in a very boring way and often with extensive footnotes.

And since this is a book about how to tell a story I find it remarkable that the writer cannot keep my interest on top though this is a subject that I am very interested in.

He also succeeds in throwing me off topic several times because he states theories and own opinions as facts, things that I do not recognize as facts. It could be everything from theories from Sigmund Freud to how to raise a child and political agendas.

It would have been better if he had used “I” instead of “we”, and therefore taking responsibility for his own opinions, instead of besmirching me with standpoints that are not mine.

Something that does not ring true in this book is that the first thing he does is praising the American success in storytelling and claiming that Europe lacks good storytellers and then uses the rest of the book to despise and sneer at the American ideas how to write a script and structure a story.

To mention some examples of this, the writer insists that a character does not need to change in the span of the script, that Syd Field’s way to structure a script is more or less ridiculous and that it is completely okay that characters’ dialog all sound the same; all three opinions strongly opposing the American gurus in storytelling.

If he had stated that he didn't like American movies, all would have been fine, but now he says they are good at storytelling. But he disapprove of some of the most fundamental rules American movies have.

The book was however not useless to me. Here and there I found a gem. The chapter about dramatic irony was especially interesting for me. Some things were interesting just because it was from another point of view than usual and that always brings out new aspects of things.

My feeling is that the writer wanted his book to contain everything useful for storytelling (and even some that isn’t, like subtitle vs dubbing).

Some areas I felt were too thin because of this, aspects that I never thought of and wanted to learn more about were way too short, while other subjects were way too lengthy.

This is a matter of taste and interest, of course, but some subjects are covered in many other books, some not. And since you can’t cover it all, maybe the book’s focus should have been more precise rather than wide spread.

Finally I find an atmosphere of pompous bitterness over the whole book. A whiny attitude where the writer tells us how wrong modern way of storytelling is and that good old Aristotle knew what he was doing.

Comments during reading you can find here.

A story about chairs

2009-10-21T15:49:00.003+02:00

Once upon a time when I and the man I didn’t then knew I was going to marry had become a couple, we visited my parents.

I somewhat feared that my mother very unstoppable would start talking about furniture and their history, which I was quite certain about would horribly bore my darling.

And as he, of course, asked them what they worked with he entered the subject and got a lecture started. And I wanted to hide somewhere.

To my surprise, he didn’t get bored. He even asked questions!

On our way home I asked him if he really had any genuine interest in chairs in their design.

“No” he said “but I had the opportunity to listen to someone very enthusiastic on a subject I knew nothing about. I’m stupid if I don’t take care of moments like that.”

As natural as anything. Just like that.

And that is something I love him for.

Endangerad Truth: Flashback

2009-10-21T15:35:00.002+02:00

At Endangerad Truth you can now find a clip from "Paralyzed in Paradise", the short script assignment I got.

This is the first thing I've written that become a real moving image!

The script is not completely finished yet. This was shot now because it is outdoors and dependent on season and weather.

The ultimate fight?

2009-10-20T13:02:00.004+02:00

I was contacted by an aspiring screenwriter from Sweden who wanted me to read and give feedback to the first half of his short script.

Have you seen old Disney shorts where a little angel and a devil pops out and have an argument? The story was based on this concept, but in serious terms.

The concept was interesting but I realized I would never have tried it myself. Not because it is a bad idea, but because I’m likely too much of a coward.

You see, an angel and a devil are two very stereotypic characters; as stereotype as they can be, really. And I would have presumed that there was not much to find.

Also there is the situation that the angel is Good and does the Right Thing, so whatever the angel says is right, is right. So, if the angel says "call the cops", we want the main character to call the cops, since it is the Right Thing to do.

I don’t know how this story ends since only the first half was written, but I do hope that he surprises me and I will find that I was wrong in my assumptions that there is nothing to explore.

Never the less, it was refreshing to read his script, just because he wasn’t wearing his condemning glasses, but actually started on an idea so easily considered doomed to fail.

Did I write more?

2009-10-16T10:00:00.003+02:00

I have made a very interesting reflection concerning my writing activity.

Some time ago I felt that I had too much on my hands and put several things aside, to have more time to write.

Did I write more?

No. Less!

Obviously, I need these other things as well.

I must stop listen to people who tells me I can't split myself and still get something with quality out of it.

Blog Action Day: Small changes will have big effect

2009-10-15T10:00:00.004+02:00

For me, it does not matter if there are any climate changes or not. Nothing gives us the rights to pollute, overuse, and waste.

In my world it is completely obvious that if we ruin the environment it will sooner or later strike back at ourselves. Earth is too small and we too many for us to hide our mistakes and move on.

When do we ruin? When do we waste?

In my opinion it is when we take without giving back; when we destroy without repairing.

Every item we produce only to use once and then throw away is a waste. If I instead can use the item five times, I have saved energy and material to produce four new items. No matter how little, it counts in the long run.

Every time we neglect to recycle an item in best possible way, we waste.

What is “best possible way” is not always easy, but I’m quite certain that dumping or burning do very rarely qualify.

I know people who roll their eyes when I question why I must have a LED display shining twenty-four hours on my microwave oven. “It is hardly any energy to talk about”. Perhaps, but does that justify the use of energy without any reason?

It's not because I'm tight on my money, it's about saving the Earth!

So, bring the light down a little on your computer screen, disconnect any transformer not currently in use and write on both sides of the paper.

Small changes from an individual counts.

The third act of the first draft

2009-10-14T15:30:00.004+02:00

I’ve almost accepted that a first draft is allowed to have a glitch or two.

When I’m writing on Sunlight (my current feature movie script project) I know where I’m heading and why, but in detail what will happen – sorry, but no.

I had planned the scenes for act one and two, but now when it comes to act three, I’m a little uncertain if it will do any good.

You see, I’m afraid that I will either get limited by the script as it is written or get back and rewrite to get a setup for something I’ve forgotten.

Of course it will turn out that setups are missing, once the whole story is in place. It’s a first draft! Even though I know what will happen on an overall level, I’m not even certain what will happen on the next page.

I’m still learning to get the best out of me.

Maybe this is a good way. Maybe it will be a horrible mess.

Since I’m not the kind of writer that can dump out an idea just like that in any readable form, maybe I should have planned the whole script? I don’t know. It didn’t feel right then. Then one act at a time felt best.

But once I started to write, I didn’t want to break and get back to planning.

I do miss my notes. They kick-started my creative flow.

Well, no matter result, this is the way I will write this script.

Rewriting a bulky line of dialog

2009-10-12T11:38:00.005+02:00

What I’m working with now is a piece of dialog in my short script “WG”.

Apart from a few grammatical errors one line of dialog is my major problem, according to my feedback.

It is too bulky.

An important line is bulky!

You don’t want to have an important line bulky.

Lines that constitute an essential emotional turning point for the main character should be understood instantly.

How to achieve this?

One way is to slow things down. Instead of deliver a long line, another character can break in with a comment or a question, which give us – the audience – time to grasp what’s going on.

But this tends to be like getting the last toothpaste out of the tube: annoying. I mean, you want that perfect “punchline”; you don’t want to squeeeeze it out.

Another way – the hard way – is to rewrite the line until it sparkles.