Masthermind

Birthday and Anniversary

2009-06-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

I don't usually talk bout the tragedy that had happened on our family this date. But now, I know I had become strong through the years, my tears no longer fall whenever the topic arises. I can declare that I had moved on, had escaped the doom world that I had blanketed me for years.

It has not become easy for me to accept the event, it happened so unexpectedly. Within 48 hours, we no longer have the person whom we call Mama. The event is still vivid in my memories even the 5 years had passed.

I had just arrived from summer school in the city in preparation for my college education. I went home to pick up my things and to have my Mom accompany me as I travel back the next day. She was so excited for me that she busied herself with the preparation. I am the first in my clan to go to this prestigious school that's why everyone has things on hand, the typical scene when someone is going somewhere. Someone is packing, preparing the delicacies, buying what I need for the 5-month stay and all. Suddenly, my Mom went inside complaining bout the back of her neck. After a few seconds, she vomitted and became unconcious. We called for help from our neighbors and carried her to the hospital. After diagnosing her, the doctor's declared that she's clinically dead (her breathing is dependent on the machines attached to her) and they can't know how to revive her because they can't perform test while she's at that condition. We haven't lose hopes. At midnight, we found ourselves inside a van, trailing the ambulance that will carry our Mom to the advanced hospital two hours away from our place. Then morning comes yet still my Mom's condition haven't changed, still in the ICU, hemorrhage in the brain. After few moments of greeting her a Happy Birthday, the doctors pulled the plug. The ward becomes cold, everybody is hysterical, and my Mom exited the hospital through the backdoor.

We are back in the van, travelling back home, classes start tomorrow, and the van reached the funeral home. We chose the coffin and prepared our ancestral house for the wake.

My Mom's 15 siblings were all present, some had arrived from abroad. As I look at her death certificate, the time of death was 8:03am, the same date that she was born only five minutes short. I was amazed to see that God had let her live at 57 years close.

I am now 22. I had finished with recognition the degree my Mom wanted me to take up. Her teachings are always with us as we deal with life. We can't never forget the good side of this event.

As you read this, please pray for her, God knows who.

Gadgets Cause Pain

2009-06-06T05:04:00.001-07:00

Unexpectedly, my Kubuntu and Ubuntu CDs arrived yesterday, after I had successfully installed windows. It was shipped last May 17 and I was expecting it at mid-July because it says 8 weeks. I had desperately wanted an OS last Thursday since I reformatted my laptop and the OS installation always fails. It turns off halfway the installation of Windows and the Ubuntu Gibbon live CD I had downloaded way back before won't boot. I discovered that I had burned some Linux such as Puppy, Freespire, Zenwalk and Gibbon but only Puppy (thanks to this tiny distro) loaded in my laptop, the others won't even give me the installation mode.

My lappy got infected by Win32 virus though I was able to remove the virus, the OS got messed up and repairing Windows won't solve the services.exe and explorer.exe errors. The problem got worse last Wednesday and it won't even load the Windows splash screen. So, I decided to reformat it and use the Puppy Linux to retrieve the files (I don't know the technical way of retrieving files from the hard disk so I used a 2GB USB to transfer the files to my sis lappy).

I had my sister working with me so that she can learn how to backup, format and install a new OS. Maybe she's a jinx that time. When I worked alone on the night, I had successfully installed the Windows.

While I am busy with the installation, she was playing NBA Live in PSP and was serious to learn the game. After hours of playing, she came to me complaining bout the unresponsive PSP. I tried to restart the thing but it's still on the same state. Then I go to the Recovery Menu and accidentally selected the format flash 1. The PSP is back to it's default setting and I can't even know if the CFW is still functioning (PSP is still unresponsive).

Now, I was able to boot up the Gibbon through Wubi and tested the two OS that I received. None had run fine with my 256 mb RAM. I need to buy a higher one. I was looking at tipidpc.com but with no success.

New Beginnings...

2009-06-04T00:08:00.000-07:00

Today, I made a tough decision for my future. I decided to accept a teaching position in a rural area far from my place. I have exchanged my comfy lifestyle to help in the development of young minds. (Naks! Parang politician).

The place is up in the mountains where the green meadows and trees are the common views for the eye. I still have my work under the Department of Education today but in a week's time I will be transferring to my High School Alma Mater. I have accepted the job since I want to experience and discover if I can be an effective teacher. As you had read my post on A View on Death, I was thinking of going into the academe but opportunities will not permit me. And now, it comes my way. But I still doubted about it when I heard the location in which I will be assigned because that means my internet usage will be shortened to weekends only (the time I have to go home), my access to the department stores and supermarkets will also be during the weekends only, I have to supply myself with bottled drinking water due to the scarcity of potable one in that campus, I will have to eat my meals in carenderia because no one will be cooking for me, I need to rent a house or live along with other boarders and of course I have to travel long hours every Friday just to be back in civilization.

I don't worry much of how I will handle a class. It's my first time and I feel that I should be thinking about the class once I get to see the students and the classroom facilities. I also have to study the lessons that I am going to teach. And of course, I need to get along with my colleagues.

During my interview, the very first question that was asked bout me is: Will you permit a teacher-student relationship or will you agree to your students if they are trying to court you?
My answer is of course NO. I don't like the picture.

Save the Nation through the Oblation
For the figure of a naked man, arms outstretched and face pointed upwards, symbolizing selfless dedication and for the service to the nation. The symbol that depicts the desire for knowledge ("clothe me with knowledge"). We'll make Mamang Oble proud!

Pray for my safety and guidance that I can surpass this challenge successful. And in the end, may I be able to decide if I will renew my contract for more teaching semesters.

Gonna Try Linux

2009-05-17T06:03:00.000-07:00

I just recently ordered a free copy of the new Ubuntu Jaunty Jackalope and Kubuntu from shipit.unbuntu.com. They said if you can go away with this OS, you have an advantage in programming so, I want to try gaining an advantage. My programming background was only in VBasic and our stat softwares. I had been applying these learning in the HTML programming on which I have no knowledge to start off. But since it's only a question of what has to follow and what are produced with the commands, I think I can have a grip of it in time.

Shipit will take at most 6 weeks for the CDs to arrive. I don't mind it as long as I can have the CD. Also, I am still learning In-Design and Flash making so, that won't be a problem. Doing the self-education is not that kind of hard if there are examples to imitate.

One problem for me is, these OS requires higher RAM and large memory space. So, I think I have to upgrade because I want to have Ubuntu in virtual drive, Linux and Windows in one laptop.

Google PIN

2009-05-17T01:12:00.000-07:00

The postman had just delivered my google PIN, wohoo! Google Adsense is really not a bogus. I requested my PIN last April 29, so it only takes 2 weeks to reach my country. Actually, I am not earning much from my blogs due to minimal traffic. Two dollars for a day is big enough for me. I won't reveal my earnings for now. But once I be able to know how to boost up my traffic to like a thousand a day, I will present an analysis of the revenues.
Help me spread my blogs by referring them to me. I am working on putting up more reviews on products. I will try that formula.

For the One Proud Mama

2009-05-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's Mother's Day!

The day to express our gratefulness to the ones who bear us in their wombs for 9 months. It's time to show them your love (if you haven't done it for sometime) and it's the day to give your Mom a break (treat her to some good restaurants or just enjoy the day with her).

To my Mom up there, Thank you. You are the reason of who I am today. My guide may have gone forever, but she had set the path I am walking right now. It's now my part to lead this path successful and learn the things that may come up along the way.

Happy Mother's Day to all our Mamas!

Til Death

2009-04-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

How do you look at death? I had seen one, I had touched a corpse. Dealing with death and the dead are the ways for doctors, forensics, nurses, embalmers or funeral homes. It had been their routine to explore the body of people who once walked this earth. Did they ever see this thing happen to them? What can be the caused of their death? They say people will all die and they differ only on the time elements. People die young and some die at old age. People cry for them for a while but given enough time, they move on. But as they keep going on with life, they do forget. The “I will never forget you, our memories will stay within me forever” is not really forever. Time changes things and our minds keep replacing memories. So, how sure are you that if you die you had touched other’s life, that you had been a part of them? How can you really be sure that all your works here on earth have at some point change the lives of the ones you had been with? When in fact, your death will alter everything you had worked for. Now that you are not with them, how can you say to them that they had to go on and never mind your going? Yes, you had touched their lives but I think they had become dependent on you and your absence made them inefficient. They had lost their hope because you had been seeing the future with them. Now, they can’t go on with the plans for Death had taken you so sudden. So what they do? They move on as what everybody had been telling them the right thing to do. For a while, they put their mind in your mind setting and later on they had to follow their own for they can’t see things the way you had seen them.

Everything will fall apart as time moves on and as the wounds are being healed. The once small part of you in them will slowly be gone. So, what’s really is our role here if things will all disappear with time? To touch other’s lives or to just pass this stage of eternity? On judgment day, we may stand next to the ones we love but I think we will recognize each other as the person from the past. What we’ll be doing that time is praising and rejoicing to eternity. All of us will be one family and we will start all over again; the loving, the caring and the happiness of being alive forever. I once think of my own eulogy then I think twice about it. Eulogies are only praises and gratefulness of people around you.

Eulogies are made to preserve and boost the image that we will mark on the mind of people we once had been with. It may be how the way we died or the way we had been as a person. Everything good for they want to thrive more on positive thoughts. People hate nightmares! And even if they don’t want negative thoughts, they can get rid of it through time. I kept on thinking that I will die young, around thirties, yet I am not taking moves on how I can change the lives of people around me. I had been a person who once was touched by someone who had changed my life and it was through death that I was able to realize that everything had been useless. I was sliding down and at the same time losing the memories of a life filled with sunshine. I had been to this stage and I proved that it isn’t our goal to inflict something good to others. Our only role here is to enjoy our stay! And enjoying life can be done in different ways and touching lives is only a part of it. But we are not to split our lives with others for life is good when we are whole. It is not about giving a part of us to others but it is about sharing the moment of laughters and tears when we are still a whole.

Drifting...

2009-04-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

I haven’t even figured out how my life will work after I finish college. Seems like people I know have very much seen me taking a new path, leading a new life while myself is still floating in nowhere. I can’t see the other side of the wall, I’m not even standing at a crossroads. I am stuck to where I am right now for I wasn’t able to see my future in the past. What I had only seen definite is I am going to finish college. My goals haven’t leaped that stage until now. Maybe because I didn’t fulfill my goal: to finish with laude standing. Instead what had become of me: a chairperson whom I never expected I am capable to do. It was only recently that I realized that I didn’t even be a chairperson before besides GSP. In the classroom, I wasn’t even given a chance to hold a position. All they know is I am someone with brains. But I lack the leadership skills. Then someone expected me to run for finance committee head in stat council and later I become the head of the stat graduating committee finance. Thank God for those people who had seen me in a different angle and for their beliefs that I do have a chance to lead them.

College days are over. I now have my life. I got the education, the experience, yet I still haven’t been able to move on. I feared the first day of work, the treatment I will get at work, the capacity of work I will have to handle. What I know is I am in search for new responsibilities. The only thing I don’t know is where. One thing I am sure, I don’t have plans. The picture is like this. I am superman who will be there wherever help is needed and I am needed. I know I can do things what others will tell me to do. It’s also the idea of a slave. What I know is I don’t own my life, someone should be driving it. I am only following orders. My life had been like that ever since. Now that I am given a chance to drive it, I feel lost, without any hint of what it’s going to be. All is black, I can’t see an open road. Maybe if I will just be strong and persuasive, some roads may make way for me.

Watching TV had given me choices. I can be a chef or a baker. I tried baking, I think I can go in there but cooking meals failed me. I even regretted for not taking home economics electives. Maybe I can establish a bakery, I can make breads and pastry. I want to be a drag racer but I can’t even get a driver's license. If only I have the looks and sing in front of people. And my mind still not absorbing the fact that people can be millionaire before 25. I want to be counted as one but I think money can’t just pop up within 4 years. I did research on how they’d done that. It seems that you have to be famous, good-looking and have some talent that stand out from the rest. So, where do I start, even the simple question of “What’s your hobby” I can’t even mouth the answer. Nothing interests me. I don’t collect things, I am not a fan of this and that, and I am not good at something. Where do I start?

I strongly believe that money is just a tool. But now I want to be rich. What had gotten into me? I fear that I might walk away from earth without leaving prints and going unnoticed. I have few friends and acquaintances. Not enough to say that I had been a part of their lives. They will only know someone whose name is Ychel or Bossing. I want to touch other people’s lives. I want to see their kind of life. I want to experience everyone’s way of life. I want to be invisible and watch how they spend their day. I am bad at emotions and socializing. So, how again can it be possible? I want to help people, be an inspiration and learn from others. But I am trapped in my own world in which I don’t even know if there is an existing key. I see that in every aspect of life, you should be good at something to achieve results. You can’t just walk in it without any knowledge or ability. It’s a give-and-take process. Everything you gain comes from something you have invested. You can’t succeed if you got nothing to start with. You start from scratch and develop your way through it. Don’t throw away anything that you gained along the way for they might be needed in the future. I need to learn my craft. And I put it to You, God, to show me some light and let me start there. Help me as I blindedly walk in it. And when I am ready please don’t let me forget where I had been.

I have Scolio!

2009-04-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

I had a chest X-ray today and it showed that I have a levoscoliosis (convexing to the left, it's called dextroscoliosis if it's going to the right). My last chest X-ray was when I applied for an exchange student and the scoliosis wasn't there before.

I had researched on what caused this. I thought it was due to my heavy backpack during my school days, I used to carry my laptop everyday, or maybe I am always slouching. But based on what I read, there had been many cases on which the caused were unknown, it's called idiopathic. Lifestyle cannot account for it. The heavy backpacks and poor posture has nothing to do with it. The other type is the functional scoliosis which were caused by other issues like uneven length of legs. Experts said that in most cases the likely caused was hereditary (congenital). Maybe I will agree with that because my sister is also a slouch (she may also have scolio). But none of our parents has scoliosis.

As for the cure, there are also no known medicine for it, no daily tablet maintenance, no therapy. Doctors will only observe if the degree of curve is increasing. If it's getting worse then, they would suggest wearing braces or operation. And the worse part is, the treatments will just stop its progress and not reverse the curve. But studies say that persons with this 'illness' still live a normal life, with or without braces. They can do any sports, perform heavy tasks as if there's nothing wrong with them.

I remember a dorm mate of mine who is always complaining of backaches due to her scoliosis. She always cry because of the pain. I thought she was just faking it because she doesn't want to attend her classes. I believed that scoliosis wouldn't produce such pain. But it proves me wrong. As for my case, it's affecting my breathing pattern. I always have to take a deep breaths to make myself comfortable but lucky for me, I am not experiencing the back pains (as for now). The progression of a curve is not predictable; it may stop sometime and continue to cover after years of dormancy. I just hope that my curve progression stops for good. There's nothing much left to do but wait and live life as usual.

Friendship is a Cycle

2009-04-27T05:26:00.000-07:00

Many people say true friends
are hard to find
But I know I'm not that kind
They come and go and
sometimes leave us behind
Like a wind that passes by

Chorus
(Cause)When you need a friend
That you can depend
You can count on me because
you're my best friend
When you're feeling down
And your heart is hurt
You can call on me and
i'll be there for you friend

Good things may come and then
bad things may go
Like a birth a long time ago
You're like the ship that's sailing
across the sea
To the waves that's so unkind
-You're My Best Friend Lyrics by Nelson Del Castillo

When I was able to read, this was the first song that I learned to sing along. I remember
performing it in front of my uncles and aunties. They insisted that I should try singing this for them. I had the lyrics on my hand and started following the voice from the stereo. This is my first known unchildren song. By that time I wasn’t aware of what the content is all about and the word bestfriend is unfamiliar to me. Years had passed and I heard the word once again from Tessa, my classmate in Grade I, yet again I don’t know what it means. She gave me a gift because when her mother asked her who her bestfriend is, she mentioned my name. It was her who showed me that you can give gifts to anybody in any reason you want; that gift-giving is not limited to close family relations only. She was the one who gave meaning to word. I didn’t know that time that someone was considering me as their friend, not just a playmate or a classmate, but someone whom they want to share stories, learn things and play games with.

At age 7, I only know the kids around me as kalaro or classmates and our connections end once the game or the class ends. It was due to her that I started changing my perspective towards others. I began to recognize people as persons who have unique characteristics. The belief that there is somebody out there whom I can trust and share moments with (besides my family) started to develop. Later on, it made me realize that behind friendship, there’s commitment, understanding and concerns. That through friendship, you are building up foundations to be part of other’s lives and let others be part of yours as well. Looking back to my gift-giving moment with Tessa, you may be convinced that the word bestfriends is inappropriate for us at our age. But I can say that she was indeed a bestfriend to me, for it was her who showed me that this world knows feelings, importance, manners and relationships. She knocked on my life and made me realize that my world does not revolve only in school or at home, there’s a lot of people around me and a bunch of them are going to be part of my life; that soon I will be accountable to the lives of others as well. But there’s one thing I failed to realize earlier, that is, in every relationship there’s a time limit, they don’t last forever. Yes, lots of people are around me but they don’t stay long on their place, they move and they are capable of change. Someday, one will find out that the people he had known no longer exist in his life. Some can leave traces that will soon be forgotten and only few marks can last a lifetime; some tracks will be lost and never be redeemed again. Whatever happened, the only connection you can have is the memories. Their names and their faces will hardly be remembered. But the good thing about this friendship cycle is that new people are always around and there lies a big chance of finding someone who is willing to fill the empty post.

Wanted: Driver

2009-04-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

In this fast-paced world, it seems that my life is having a slow-mo. I am now sliding down from my high-peaked life. It seems that I have drained my expectations for the future. With no hopes nor dreams, my life afloat. Options are not at stake, dreams are vanishing in thin air, and what is worse, my vision of tomorrow is blank. There’s no way I can say that I am in control or others are taking responsibility. I long for a driver. I am not capable of making decisions of my own. For every successful move I make, I don’t see myself; what I see is the face of those person who made those decisions for me. I can go on my own but I need some push, a remainder that there is someone else who is relying on me. I had always led my life for the benefit of others but now that I am no longer needed, I had become idle. I am born to serve and a life on my own is not what I want. So, please, my Captain out there, take charge on my life until I am ready; before I duck out of history and go unnoticed. I am missing the tensions, the social life, and most of all, the everyday changing world. I know that I am worth more than my past life, that my future will be much more different if I figure out my starting mark. Lead me Lord.

It is for Freedom

2009-04-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

We all want freedom: freedom from our parents, spouse, children, friends or our vices. We all want to feel that no one is in control of our lives. We see freedom as the greatest privilege one can have. But we all made a mistake regarding this idea. We believe that alongside freedom is free will. Free to do everything, free to express what we have in mind, free to act on our own. What we fail to realize is that freedom is not granted to us to enable us to live a life of our own. For life is walk guarded by rules and it is our misconception on freedom that blinds us of these rules. Rules are set to guide us, to make sensible decisions, and to straighten our path even if we hold the freedom ticket. The ability to do what is right and not to do what we feel right is the true meaning of the word, freedom. In every way we take, the rules serve as our assistant. So, why bother with your own feelings? The moment you set foot on this earth, you have are expected to comply with the existing rules. The rules might have changed but it is always there and it is set by the Almighty, so don’t mess them!