Right now y’all are thinking I’m in the midst of something awful — I’m not.  Life is sweet.  I’m in a wonderful place and have precious friends I adore.  Maybe this is why I can write about the plague of ‘mean’ among girls and women.

I’ve walked those dark days of mean — I’ve been the mean girl and on the receiving end of the mean.  Today I can honestly say that I’m not in that place. Praise the Lord — He is Good!

In my last post I posed the question — how do we stop the mean?  The responses were thoughtful and insightful.  I learned from each of them.

I (nor you) have the power to stop the mean.  That’s for the Lord to work out.  I think we can only love each other through the mean stuff and it’s not going to be easy.  You love her when she doesn’t love you back.

It’s my opinion (and the opinion of some of those who commented) that mean girls are mean because they are hurting.  Sometimes mean is self-protection.

Sometimes what we perceive as mean is just NOT mean.

Sometimes it’s preoccupation — she didn’t speaks and acted  like she didn’t hear you –  because she didn’t hear you.

Sometimes it’s a different communication style — she didn’t realize you expected her to respond to that email.

Sometimes it is mean  and it hurts.  Sometimes it’s lies and deceit and it hurts. Sometimes it’s manipulation and it hurts.    We cannot control how another person acts toward us, but we can only control our behavior toward her.  We can pray for her.  We can forgive her.  We can reach out across the aisle, across the street, across the neighborhood — reach out in true Christian love.

I won’t kid you, it’s not easy to reach out in love & forgiveness to someone who’s hurt you, but you will be blessed by it.  Take it from someone who’s been there — I’ve carried a grudge against a mean girl and it torn me apart.  The hurt would not go away.

I couldn’t get over the lies and deceit.  I couldn’t get over it until I stopped trying to get over it and made the choice to forgive her and move on.  I still pray for her today.  I mourn the loss of the friendship I thought I had, but the Lord has blessed me hundred fold.

If you have a mean girl in your path, choose forgiveness and love she may never reciprocate, but don’t consider your efforts in vain.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

I just love the Fall or Autumn… whichever you chose to call it. I love the cooler temperatures, the falling leaves that crunch under my feet, and I love the fall holidays… okay, mostly I just love Thanksgiving.  It has the best food.

It seems strange that November is here.  Didn’t we just get this year rolling a couple of months ago.  And on that note, we are heading into 2010.  How do you say it?

Is it  Two thousand and ten or Two thousand ten or  just Twenty-Ten?  I’m going with Twenty Ten.  I like that – short, sweet and not much to toss out.

I never did get the 0s down — like Two thousand nine or Two thousand eight.  I really have missed the nineteens these past many years.  They were easy to say – Nineteen Eighty-One.  No worries, no concerns, no alternatives.  Well, I guess you could have said One thousand nine hundred eighty-one… but that would have sounded…. well just strange.

So now that we’ve muddled through the random that is my brain.  Welcome to a tiny bit of my world and the things that perplex me.

What is your favorite part of Fall … oh, and how do you say 2010?

Girls are mean to one another and they learn the mean from mean Moms and other women.  Some girls are raised on mean and some learn it to survive in mean girl world.But girls grow up and the mean get’s less evident but it’s still there.

I’m blessed to have LOTS of women in my life.  I work with women,  mother two young women, teach women, minster and speak before groups of women.  I have lots of women in my life and they are all different.  There are some who are outgoing and boisterous, others are shy and quiet, some are my age and older and others are young women and some young Moms.   I LOVE each one of them and  I love them for their differences.

But there’s some mean among these women and it BREAKS my heart. Yes, you read that right.  Even among my Christian women there is some mean — and it’s tearing us apart.

It’s one thing to be hurt by a women who does NOT profess to be a follower of Christ, but to be hurt by someone who declares she loves the Lord and tries to live by His example — that hurts.  A lot.  I’m not talking about someone forgetting to wish you a happy birthday or rushing by you without saying hello — that’s not intentional mean (usually it’s not), that’s forgetfulness and busyness.  What I’m talking about is intentional mean — gossip, backbiting, cruel comments, and I could go on but I’m certain you know what mean looks like.

I’ve been on the receiving end and on the giving end.  I hope to never be a mean girl again and with the Lord’s help, I won’t be.  I can’t help if someone chooses to be mean to me, but I can change how I respond to the mean.  I don’t want to let that bother me.  Someone’s thoughts or comments on me do NOT change who I am in Christ.   And beyond that, I MUST continue to love her…. yes, even the mean girl.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

We girls are a powerful force for the Lord, but we have to stop focusing on our differences and look to Him for guidance.  We have to stand together in love and in support of one another.  Let’s link arms and serve the Lord together.

How do we stop the mean?

What are your suggestions?  Ideas?  Stories?

Two girls - almost 7 years apart.  I’ve been doing this girl thing for a while and I love being a girl mom, but it’s not all pretty and pink.

Girls are precious and hormonal; they are  funny and temperamental; and loving and sassy.  Girls can also be darling & lovely and mean & manipulative.   Yes, I said it — mean and manipulative.    I know this not only because I’m raising girl, but because I am one — okay, I’m using this term loosely, but you get the point.

I’ve watched my girls traverse the landmines of junior high.  I’ve cried when they were left out of the group and I’ve thought (and said) some mean things about  girls  who’ve been mean to my girls.

It’s all so competitive and there’s an attitude of  ‘if I can make her look bad, that makes me look good.’ And it doesn’t stop at junior high.  I don’t know if it ever stops.

Recently, I began wondering where girls learn this behavior.  I didn’t have to look very far — just in the mirror.  I taught my girls to be competitive, to envy and to be not-very-nice.  I like to think I’m a much different person these days and in Christ, I am, but I still struggle with all that self stuff.

As a Mom, I said all the right things — ‘we’re supposed to love our enemies’ and ‘remember girls, love one another as Christ as loved you.’ I  SAID them, but I didn’t truly live them.  My girls  watched, like all children do, and they saw me gossip about the lady down the street, they heard me make comments about people — comments that were far from kind and they listened as I announced “well, if that were me….” in a tone that lets all know I would have done it RIGHT.

I’ve labeled  people, judged people, and disliked people based solely on their appearance without ever taking the time to see their heart.

I’ve made being the BEST important, when it’s much more important to LOVE others.

I taught my girls that being RIGHT is important — sometimes it’s the most important thing.  And that’s wrong.

And I’m not alone in this defeat.

What are we teaching our girls?

What do our actions say?  Do your words line up with the way you live?

Are we loving people right where they are — even when it’s in a pit of sin?  To love a person doesn’t mean you condone the sin, it means you love the person.

Are we judging people based on the outward appearance?  on where they live?  what they drive?  how well they are educated?

What are you teaching your girls or (if you don’t have any girls) other girls?

These skies are truly a picture of how much He blessed me this past weekend.

Watching the sunrise on my way to the retreat Saturday morning.

One amazing sky . . . .

And the sun setting on my weekend.

It was an incredible weekend of worship, fellowship and time in the Word of God!  I love that the Lord put His glory in my windshield!

To Him be all Glory & Praise!

Friday night, I looked around at the 13,000 plus women (and a few brave men) who joined me at the FedEx Forum in Memphis and I was overwhelmed.  And then the worship began…. and my heart about burst right out of my chest!  Amazing time. And the teaching… well, what can I say.  God had a message for me and Beth Moore was delivering it.

Saturday was more of the same, but better — if that’s even possible.  The closing session on WHO Christ is from the book of Revelation made me want to jump on my chair and shout HALLELUJAH!  I didn’t because I figured falling out of the chair or just plain missing it on the jump up would result in the need for medical attention — and I didn’t want to miss a moment of this teaching!

It was one more amazing time.  I could write about the laughter, the tears, the hands raised high in worship, the pictures with friends, the hugs and the blessing of a Word from God, and I will, but today I want to talk about relationships.

As I think back over the past weekend, I think about women I’ve never laid eyes on before who are now in my heart; I think about  relationships that were built and others built on.  I think about the bonds of joy and fellowship that bind us one to another.  I’m honored to call these women my friends and I’m humbled that the Lord allows me such a blessing in my life.   These incredible bonds are not by mistake — they are God sent.  We didn’t just bump into each other by some cosmic accident — God put each of us in place and allowed us to connect.  We are supposed to be doing this life thing together!  How very cool is this God we serve.

Life is messy — relationships are messy.  Online friendships have the ability to miss out on some of the mess–which is a GOOD thing.  You don’t know when I’m having a total meltdown unless I share it.   You don’t know when I look bad or sad or just out of sorts because the only view you have of me is a picture that I chose to show you.   You probably won’t hear from me if I’m cranky, depressed or have a lot going on.  If I decide I don’t want to engage, I just don’t.  I can pull away from the friends I see day to day, but it’s a whole lot harder.   If I miss Bible study someone will call to find out why I didn’t show up. If I miss two or three times, I’ll  have some girlfriends knocking at my door.  These women hold me accountable and I need that in my life.

As much as I ADORE my online friends, I KNOW I must have people to do the daily life ’stuff’ with.  I need to be in Bible study with women — and while I have an online study, I also have an in-person study.  I need women to walk through this life with me. I need to connect with women who are going to hold me accountable in my daily walk.

In some ways it’s easier to be transparent with my online friends — I don’t see y’all every week or twice a week.   And it’s also much easier to create the  “me I want to be”  for y’all.    I want to be transparent, and I want to be truthful.  I just want to be me — one  mess of woman who would be nothing if not for the SAVING MERCY and GRACE of Jesus Christ.

I’m utterly amazed at the friends God has showered on my life — I headed to Memphis to join five friends and I left Memphis with another ten or so more. Right now my heart is so full it’s about to burst right out of my chest!

I love this online friend world — I do!  I just encourage everyone who loves this place to remember to keep up the other relationships.  Do Bible study in your church or community.  Connect with women in your body of fellowship or neighborhood.  However you do it,  just give it the Nike try — Just Do It! with a swoosh. God is doing some amazing things in this online world and I’m humbled to be a tee-ninsy tiny part of it. I want me to stay relationship healthy and I want all my online girls to do the same!  God is calling up some warriors in this place.  He is binding hearts and lives together.  He is placing us in fellowship for His purpose and His good glory.  I can imagine the enemy is putting his cross-hairs right over this group — stand strong sweet sisters.  Let’s commit to pray for one another, believe God for who we are, and know that we serve an Amazing God who loves us and has a plan for US!

Loving all y’all in the webby world!

How do you keep the balance between online friends and IRL (in real life) friends?

I do need a new refrigerator.  I’ve put off this purchase because I have an option that is no longer offered — a beverage tender.  This door opens down to reveal a small area perfect for milk, juices, sodas, and when it opened it creates a shelf for pouring glasses.  Wonderful. Love it.  It’s no longer around.  

I found the PERFECT replacement for my obsolete dinosaur of a frig.  It’s the FRENCH DOOR refrigerator and in the words of Don, the appliance man, no one does it better than SAMSUNG!  I fell for her. She didn’t sport the beverage tender, but she has so much more.  No longer would I need to  stand on my head to find the lost lemon or get stuck in a deep kneebend squat cleaning out the bottom shelf. 

As beautiful as she is, she just didn’t fit into our I-just-lost-half-my-salary budget.  I could have gotten a lesser refrigerator, but my heart belongs to this Samsung dream.  I held out.

And today I learn that TwitterMoms  and Samsung are hosting a blogging sweepstakes!  I could almost hear the angels singing the Hallelujah chorus.   All I need to do is offer three tips for getting dinner ready in a flash.  Well, I can do that!  And then I need to put in a link to the sweepstakes so each of you can enter too!  But if you don’t want to, that’s okay by me.  Just go buy you a Samsung French Door Refrigerator.  (Remember, I’m earning at half capacity — not that I’m trying to play the sympathy card or anything.)

Three Tips to Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash

1.Plan and prepare ahead.  Now, this isn’t something that I excel at but on the rare occasion that I do plan ahead, it makes things so much easier.  Pre-cook and freeze your hamburger meat for spaghetti, vegetable soup, lasagna, chili, etc.    When you need a fast dinner, just pull together your ingredients and add the meat.  You can have a pot of spaghetti in 20 minutes from start to serving. 

2. Have some FAST meals to fall back on.  Have a few fast dinner options in your recipe bag o’ tricks.  It can be as simple as cooking eggs & bacon for dinner.  Who says that eggs are only for breakfast.

3. Freezer meals.  If you are a true planner, you may consider the once a month cooking.  I have friends who spend two days a month cooking — two full days, but that’s it.  They plan all their meals, prep them and put them in the freezer.  I love this idea, but I never moved from the loving the concept to the making it an actuality in my life.  Still love the concept! 

I really have more tips, but I will stop here I don’t want to overwhelm anyone and not everyone buys my ‘cereal is a great dinner option’ idea.

I will keep you posted on the Samsung French Door Refrigerator Sweepstakes — it just feels like it’s meant to be.

I hated HATED, loathed getting my picture taken and for years I NEVER had a picture of me.  I think most of my 30s are picture-less.. oh well.  Life will go on.

Along with the ugly, I thought I was FAT, not heavy, overweight or fluffy (my personal favorite), but we’re talking Mama Cass size and for those who are too young to know who Mama Cass is …. go away… okay, you don’t have to go away, but think Circus  Fat Lady fat.  Yep, that’s what I thought.  And the funny thing is I wasn’t, at all.

Much has changed in the past years, I no longer think I’m ugly and I know I need to lose a few … or a more … pounds, but I don’t feel ugly.  I know who I am.  My worth does come from me, but through Him.  On my own, I’m just a big ol’ big haired mess, but with Christ I am child of God.

Today, I know who I am!

I am:

Christ’s masterpiece  - Eph 2:10

Dearly loved - Col 3:12

righteous, in Christ - 2 Corinth 5:21

Forgiven - Eph 1:7

holy  & blameless - Eph 1:4

in Christ - 1 Corinth 1:30

sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit -Eph 1:13

I have a hope - 1 Peter 1:3

I have freedom - Gal 5:1

I am seated w/ Jesus in the heavenly realm - Eph 2:6

I am COMPLETE in Christ - Col 2:9-10

And in Christ I am Fabulous because He is Fabulous, this is NOT of me, but through Him.  He has come to give us abundant life (John 10:10).  It’s His gift to us - it’s a gift He gives us in His grace.  We didn’t earn this life of fabulous, but we can walk in it.

So girls, I want to know - What do you see in mirror?  Are you Fabulous?

I love the creeks, the forest, and the amazing views of the mountains.  It’s a place where I can just see God’s handiwork.  As I looked at the forest this week, I thought about the word “wilderness.”  I think it came to mind so much because I’m studying the Israelites time in the wilderness.  They were in a barren desert without water or food.  The wilderness of the Smokey Mountains is lush, green forest full of animals, vegetation and lots of fish.  It’s anything but barren.

What about our wilderness?

I thought  about the Israelites and their desert and wondered if God ever put us in a place of total dependence on Him.   We don’t walk in a desert or

do we?

Our deserts are often filled with stuff and noise.  It looks good and fun.  It sounds wonderful and the smells are incredible.

Our deserts are often like the mountains I love so much.   The rivers look beautiful and refreshing and they can be, but they are also treacherous.  The beautiful moss covered rocks are gorgeous. The moss is like glass in some places and if you’re not careful, you’ll end up flat on your back.

The water?  It’s wonderful and refreshing (particularly when one is the throes of  a hot flash - just a little  public service announcement) — and it’s horribly dangerous.  Those refreshing waters can sweep your feet right out from under you and pull you down stream faster than you can shout NATURE lover.

The trees create a canopy that is both inviting and peaceful, but just a few steps off a trail and you find yourself horribly lost.

In our wilderness we find people who support a  self-serving ‘look out for number one’ attitude.  In our wilderness we find slippery slopes of half truths and not-quite lies, raging waters of sinful lifestyles that can suck you in and downstream before you know it.

The wilderness we walk in or near is just as treacherous as the desert beyond the Red Sea where the Israelites wandered for 40 years

Are you walking in this wilderness? Are you ready to walk on out?  Is the promise of happiness growing thin and are you willing to trust God to deliver you to the Promised Land He has for you?

Trust Him.

While I was down for the count, I thought about stuff — just random stuff. Here are some of the things that crossed my mind:

I miss the days pre-caller id.  Answering the phone was an adventure.

How did I function before I had a Blackberry (which I’ve only had for about 2 months)?  Apparently there was a time that I didn’t check my email 456 a day.  Go figure.

What did I do before DVR?  No wonder I didn’t watch much tv, it’s too hard trying to schedule it in with all my email checking.

Is big hair ever coming back?  And don’t try to show me some flat hair style with a bit of pouf and call it big hair.  No.  Big hair is BIG!  REALLY Big.  We’re talking Pink-hair lady on TBN big…. well, that’s a bit over the top, even for me.

How did 80s fashion slip back in style?  Who let that happen?  Do we REALLY want ruffle skirts again?  That was not a good look in 1984 and it’s not like wine, it has not gotten better with time. Take it from someone who once wore a ruffled skirt — don’t do it.  You will regret it.

Will the BIGBOW return with all things 80s?  Oh, how I despised the BIGBOW.  I’m just not a bow wearing kind a girl.  I loved the funky jewelry and belts of the 80s and I adored the leggings, but I said NO to the bow.  I will continue that stand.  In my opinion if you’re over 12, you don’t need a bow the size of a dinner plate on your head or your backside.

So, there you have it.  My rambling thoughts over the past week.  Hope your week was good — and may you never wear ruffled skirts or giant bows.  Unless that’s your thing and then, by all means, wear them with pride!