Girls Gone Wise

She Does Him Good (even before she meets him)

Guest Author — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 17:53:25 +0000

by Kim Davidson

A few years ago I read Carolyn McCulley’s book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye and thoroughly enjoyed it and was convicted by it. God used that book powerfully in my life and heart. These are my thoughts as I have continued to reflect on Proverbs 31.12 “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” The past few weeks these have been in the forefront of my mind and I hope to spell out very practical, yet biblical ideas that we as women can pursue while we are in a period of waiting (no matter how long we wait). I never thought I would be inching close to 34 and still be single. My Mom always thought I would be married before she was (at 27). Well, God has some great big plans that so far has not included a wedding ring for me. But – He has allowed me to follow Him through some amazing things: mission trips, seeing the world, 3 moves to three states, incredible ministry with college students, working at two great seminaries, speaking to women all over the Southeast, and now working at an amazing church in my favorite area in the country. God is incredibly gracious to me. So…are you ready?

1. Idleness.

I put this first because I think it is the one I struggle with the most. Yes, I multitask (as most women are pretty good at this), but do I multitask at what I should be multitasking? I can watch TV, wash the dishes, and read my Google Feeds at the same time – but is there something I could be doing in that time that would be more constructive. A former boss of mine said that often we do the easy things first just because we are putting off doing the hard things.
Many women in my life epitomize a lack of idleness. I watch them and find it hard to believe that have any energy at all? I want to “work with willing hands”, “rise while it is yet night”, “she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Prov 31.13, 15, 27).
Idleness is defined as not occupied, lacking worth or basis. Is this how you want your life to be defined? I am not saying you need to be out of the home 6 nights a week to not be idle. Actually, almost the opposite would be true. As single women we have such a great opportunity and time to open our home to others and participate in ministry. Let’s take advantage of that!

2. Integrity.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her.” (Prov 31.11). Well, Kim, I’m not married. This is why we are practicing these things now. The wedding band is not a magical circle that once it slips on your ring finger it makes you all of these things mentioned in Prov 31. Integrity is Psalm 101.2 says, “I will walk with integrity of heart within my house.” Are you a person of your word? Do you keep your commitments? Can people trust you? Are you the same woman in your bedroom as you are when you are at work or at church? Do you model a life of integrity to non-believers?

3. Faithfulness.

Prov 31.12: “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. Not just once we get married or find that special guy. ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. This is key to this verse. We need to intent on living now. We need to watch our relationships with men who are not our husbands, every word and act and deed and touch be seen in light of “this man is my brother in Christ”. This is probably the part of my heart that I struggle with the most in relationships: trust in men. How will I keep one man satisfied for the rest of my life? Will my husband fail me? You know, the only thing I can do about that is be obedient to my loving heavenly Father, be faithful to what He has called me, and not put my final hope and trust in Man. Psalm 20.7, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” This practicing of faithfulness, starts now. In the little things. In the big things. In every thing.

4. Trust.

We can live a life of trust now. Many women I know in marriage worry. Worry if their husband will cheat on her. Worry if they will have kids, or how many kids, or whether their kids will turn out ok, whether her husband will lose her job or not, worry…worry…worry. Scripture definitely tells us not worry. But, if we live a life of worry now – how will that change when we get married? We will probably carry those very traits into our marriage. Matthew 6 gives us clear instruction in this area: “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

5. Modesty.

Wow – this one is a big one. We often think that men will like us better if we show more skin? Hmmm….let me think through this. Two guys in my life have spoken this to me in the past ten years: “Kim, I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about what you wear. Thank you for protecting me.” “Kim, I know guys who don’t attend ____________ in the summer at church because the women don’t know how to dress and they don’t want to go there and struggle with lust, so they just do not go.” This last one breaks my heart. That women don’t care enough about their brothers in Christ to wear modest clothing. Lord – may we seek your heart on this matter, not legalism. Legalism and hem lines will never win this battle. Our heart must seek you in everything we wear. 1 Timothy says “women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.”

6. Excellent.

Do you do things haphazardly? Or do you live your life with a strive toward excellence? This goes in everything? Meals. Clothing. Cleaning. Homemaking. Work. Relationships. Ministry. Play. Prov 31.29 “Many women have done excellently but you surpass them all”. This life is not a competition, but we want to show excellence in our work, ministry, and heart for the glory of the gospel of Christ.

7. Wisdom.

“Prov 31.26: She opens her mouth with wisdom.” Man. I want this to be evidenced in my life. And nothing of wisdom comes out of this sinful mouth. All wisdom that departs these lips and from this heart are only by the grace of God and clearly rooted in Scripture. If people ask for my opinion, I TRY to offer Words of LIFE not Kim’s opinions. I purposefully attempt to take folks back to Scripture and help them to see the Words that are crucial to us living a life glorifying of the One who died for us.

8. Giving.

Prov 31.20: “She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.” This doesn’t have to mean giving money or food to the poor/homeless who stand on the street corner of seemingly most intersections these days. This may mean serving with a ministry in your city or church that helps the poor or needy. This may mean taking a dinner to a family who has been struggling, whether physically or emotionally. There is no end to what you can do to practice this verse while you are still single – and then hopefully carry those practices with you into marriage.

9. Handy.

Prov 31.19, 22: “She put her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She makes bed coverings for herself.” I started a sewing project yesterday. And why – to practice this verse. Laugh. But, I want to give it a try. And, no – you don’t have to be able to sew to obey this verse. But, why not? As a friend said to me the other day, this verse may mean you clipping coupons and going to Bed Bath & Beyond when their comforters are on sale.

10. Kindness.

Prov 31.26: “The teaching of kindness if on her tongue.” I want this to be said of me. That means, that I need the Lord to mold this in me, to burn this word in me and my actions. I am not there yet. The sanctifying work of the Spirit must keep working. Are you kind? Are you affectionate and loving? This doe not always come easy for me. I really need to enter into every conversation or social setting praying these things: Lord, how can I impart your love and grace to people who I encounter right now? How I can show this in my when people enter and stay? Daily. This is a daily, hourly process.

11. Self-Control.

1 Timothy mentions this. Clearly a mark of a woman who loves the Lord. Whether it is in our spending habits (how much debt have we accrued in our singleness), in our showiness of clothes or possessions, or how much we weigh, how much time we spend watching television or other useless activities. All these have a base in self-control. I’ve struggled with all of these. God is gracious. He turns me back to Himself to see where I have made a god out of these instead of having Him be LORD of everything in my life. Are you one of those women who think I need to get everything, eat everything, live how I want to live now because once I get married I won’t be able to do that? Or, no one is seeing me naked now so what does it matter what I look like or how much flab is on me? God is your creator and made you for HIMSELF. He loves us. That should motivate us to live a life worthy of Him out of a heart full of grace. So…what needs to change in your life in this area? Do you need to cut up credit cards. Personally – I can’t have one because I don’t deal well with that temptation. Do you need to lose weight? I do and have purposefully been working on it for 3 years. It is daily. Do you need to have someone hold you accountable for any of these areas? Find a godly woman in your church or area that will invest in your life and pour Scripture and healing words over these concerns. Live for God’s glory in this.

12. Fruitful.

“Prov 31.30: Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” To all of this we say “not to me, but to Jesus.” Have you seen fruit come from your singleness? I think back to many years ago when I was in a relationship that was heading toward marriage. I’m so grateful God saw otherwise. I would never have been able to teach college girls for 3 years, I would never have moved to Louisville to work for a great seminary and organization, I would never have traveled around the world to love on missionaries and see the hopelessness in Muslims who don’t know Him, and I would never have had the opportunity I have now in my current job. God is so gracious. I have seen fruit. But, not for my glory – but all for HIS. Are you wasting your time in your singleness or are you investing it for the kingdom?

13. Fears the Lord.

“Prov 31.25, 30: Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” If all of these (1-12) were accomplished in our lives and we skipped 13 – our lives would be in vain. No amount of good works or obedience will get us anywhere. I watched Les Miserables last night. At the end, the Inspector says “I’ve tried to live my life without breaking any law.” Such sadness is in this statement, such emptiness. Our lives are not measured by good deeds. My life is measured by a Cross. My life is meaningful because of the gospel. I can obey out of the response of past grace in light of future grace. He has taught me much about trusting in Him and His timing the past almost 4 years now. He is good. He is gracious. He is enough.

As you continue to live our your life (whether single or married) may you do so with purpose and obedience and grace and hope. We don’t obey so we may be blessed – we obey because we have grace and have been offered hope and love at the cost of His Son. May our lives reflect this love and grace and gospel so the Word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2.5)

Visit Kim’s Blog

Book Blog Conclusion: Happily Ever After

Mary Kassian — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 04:38:08 +0000

In this final episode of the Girls Gone Wise book blog, you’ll hear about a Wild Thing who discovered the alternate ending… the happily-ever-after one that we all dream about. You’ll find out how you, too, can choose that ending for your story. You’ll be challenged to do life differently, and to join the quiet counter-revolution of Christian women who dare to take God at His Word and delight in His plan for male and female. It’s a challenge you won’t want to miss!

Read the concluding chapter in Girls Gone Wise. (Pages 259-267)
Did you enjoy the video book blog? Please leave me a comment. I’d love to hear what you learned, and how the book has impacted your life!

Book Blog 20: You’re Invited to a Party!

Mary Kassian — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:56:36 +0000

You’re invited to a party! In fact, you’re invited to two. The catch is, you can’t go to both. You”ll have to make up your mind which one to attend. In this Girls Gone Wise Video Book Blog, you’ll see that the two characters in the Proverbs 7 tale chose to accept the invitation of Lady Wild. But if you’re smart, you won’t follow their lead. You’ll RSVP and claim a seat at the feast of Lady Wise.

Read the twentieth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 247-258)
Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
Post your comments on the Blog

Whose invitation sounds the most attractive to you– Lady Wise or Lady Wild? Why?

Which profile – Simple Sally, Foolish Fran, or Scoffing Sue – is most prevalent among Christians? Explain.

Why do you think Foolish Fran isn’t concerned about putting her knowledge into practice?

Were you ever a Scoffing Sue, Simple Sally, or Foolish Fran? What happened in your life to bring about change?

Wise ‘n’ Wild Wednesday 08/11

Mary Kassian — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:02:19 +0000

Wise ‘N’ Wild Wednesday

Featuring my Wise and Wild Spottings of the Week

The Good Christian Girl: A Fable of a Frustrated Single

An unmarried Christian woman voices frustration and disillusionment with the courtship dating philosophy that was popularized by such books as “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and what she identifies as all the other contradictory and misguided dating advice dished out by the church.

“Once there was a good Christian girl who dreamed of growing up, getting married, and having children. She read all the right books and did all the right things. She read about how she was a princess in God’s sight and how he wanted the very best for her. She committed herself to sexual purity, to high standards, and to waiting for the good Christian man that God was going to bring her…”

I empathize with the emotional struggle, but wish she would have ended the tale with a wise rather than wild solution.

FDA Panel Votes Down Viagra-Like Drug for Women

An FDA advisory committee has wisely advised against a proposed libido-boosting drug for women. It has decided that the makers of the investigational drug flibanserin (Girosa) — often dubbed the female Viagra — haven’t proved that the pill treats hypoactive sexual-desire disorder (HSDD) in women any better than placebo. But although the committee felt the drug isn’t ready for prime time, it agreed that HSDD — the existence of which has itself been called into question — is a legitimate medical disorder that deserves an FDA-approved treatment. Sad. We put women on the pill which carries the risk of decreased libido, and then need to invent a pill to boost their libido back up.

Another Star-Gone-Wild Says Monogamy is an outdated Concept

Earlier this month, Cameron Diaz joined the ranks of Angelina Jolie to publically declare that monogamy is an outdated concept. Both stars are now on record for saying that non-monogamous or serially-monogamous relationships are preferable to monogamous ones. The Sydney Morning Herald quoted Diaz as saying, “I don’t believe in sharing your bed with the same person your whole life.” Umm… I think that sounds like something the Wild Thing of Proverbs 7 might have said. Don’t you?

World’s Smallest Mother Risks Life For More Babies

The world’s smallest mother is testing the limits of her fragile body, giving birth to a third baby and considering another pregnancy despite doctors’ advice against ever having children. Despite significant health risks associated with pregnancy, Stacey and her husband, Wil, are open to having more kids. This openness has made Stacey and Wil, who is training to be a pastor, favorite subjects of tabloid-style media ever since their third baby was born last November. Whether or not you agree with them taking the risk, their enthusiasm for parenthood and insistence that they have faith in God’s ability to care for their family is commendable as wise.

Rationalizing “One and Done”

“One and Done,” Lauren Sandler’s Time cover story earlier this month, offers a series of reasons why many parents in the West are choosing to have only one child. The economic strain is one reason: “The U.S. Department of Agriculture reports that the average child in the U.S. costs his or her parents about $286,050 — before college,” reports Sandler. There’s also the happiness and freedom that apparently come to parents with only one child. Sandler says the vast majority of married couples understand marriage as primarily about happiness and fulfillment, rather than an institution designed to facilitate the “bearing and raising of children.”

Yup – let’s scare people with some inflated numbers about the financial hardship that children will bring, and remind them that “it’s all about me—children will cramp my ability to invest in myself, enjoy myself, and self-actualize!” WILD!

Women’s Ministry Tips

Mary Kassian — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 02:30:57 +0000

Need help in Women’s Ministry? Meet My Friend Chris…

WATCH THE LIVE WEBCAST HERE –12 Noon CST TUESDAY Aug. 10. 2010

Tuesday, I’ll be joining Chris Adams on LifeWay’s very first live webcast for women in leadership. Chris is the senior lead women’s ministry specialist in LifeWay’s church resources division. But more than that, she’s also a dear friend.

Before coming to LifeWay in 1994, Chris coordinated women’s ministry and missions education as the special ministries coordinator at Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas. I met her in 1998, when LifeWay asked me to write a Bible Study, ” In My Father’s House: Women Relating to God as Father.”

Right from the start, I admired Chris’ love for Jesus, and her commitment to training women how to lead and impact the women in their churches and communities for the Kingdom. My respect and affection for Chris has grown deeper and deeper over the years as I’ve witnessed her love and faithful service to women and the Body of Christ.

In addition to her role as an ongoing guest teacher at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary’s Women’s Certificate Program, Chris is consultant and guest editor of Journey, a 214,000-circulation women’s devotional magazine that deals with real issues women face daily.

Chris has written a great resource for leaders — Women Reaching Women: Beginning and Building a Growing Women’s Ministry and Transformed Lives: Taking Women’s Ministry to the Next Level. She’s contributed to the books Leading Women to the Heart of God and HeartCall: The Call to Prayer and has written for various other publications.

Chris and her husband, Pat, live in Hendersonville, Tennessee, and have twin daughters and four grandchildren. (I know, I know, she doesn’t look old enough to have grandbabies… but believe it or not, Chris is older than me… shhh don’t tell her I let on.) Chris has incredible capacity, energy, and enthusiasm for ministry. If I were to uphold an example of a beautiful, amazing woman for you to try to emulate, I’d point to Chris.

If you’re a leader, or want to be a leader, you’ll want to check out some of the great resources that Chris and the team at LifeWay have compiled. I’ve included a list of their frequently asked questions about women’s ministry below. Take some time to surf around. But don’t forget to come back and join us at 12 Noon CST Tuesday for the webcast. It’ll be a ton of fun! I’m looking forward to having you join us!

Click Here to Sign up for a LifeWay Email Reminder for the Event

___________________________________________

Women’s Ministry FAQs

Questions about leading the women’s ministry in your church? Check this list of frequently asked questions for some basic women’s ministry tips. If you have a question you don’t see listed, please feel free to post your question or concern in the LifeWay Community — a series of online community forums where women and women’s leaders can exchange ideas, insights and questions.

1. How do I get a catalog?
	LifeWay Women Catalog Download a free LifeWay Women catalog and see all of the great Bible studies, resources, and events available for ministry to women in your church. This is a large file in 4 parts. It will take several minutes to download. 2009 Catalog, Part 1 2009 Catalog, Part 2 2009 Catalog, Part 3 2009 Catalog, Part 4
2. How do we start a women’s ministry in our church?
Prayer is the first and most important step. You must wait on God’s timing and movement before going to the second step: sharing your vision with a staff minister. For some very practical helps, we recommend several resources by and for women’s leaders: Women Reaching Women: Beginning and Building a Growing Women’s Ministry This foundational resource contains ministry helps on a variety of topics concerning women’s ministry. This might be helpful as you move forward in your ministry with women in your church. (Also available in Spanish.) Transformed Lives: Taking Women’s Ministry to the Next Level This compilation of ministry helps will help you continue to develop a balanced ministry with women.
	Organizing Your Women’s Ministry Handout Leaders, use this helpful tool to get started in your women’s ministry. It will also give great information regarding how to build a balanced ministry with your women and lead you to helpful contacts to further develop your ministry.Download this free handout. Chris Adams, LifeWay’s Women’s Ministry Enrichment / Ministers’ Wives Specialist shares a video message of hope for the future of women’s ministry. View The Vision of Women’s Ministry.
3. How do we request leadership training in our area?
LifeWay offers a variety of leadership training opportunities. Read more Women & Beth Moore events. If you are in a Southern Baptist church, check with your associational office to see what training events are scheduled for your area. Search State Conventions and Local Associations here. Ask if there is a women’s ministry leader for your area and let her know of your interest. Find Women’s State Leaders here. If you are looking for a speaker for an event at your church, visit Women’s Ministry Authors where you will find links to their personal websites. If you are not in a Southern Baptist church or have additional questions, e-mail Chris Adams to see about setting up a training conference for your area. Webcasts Webcasts are new online training opportunities for you to gather your leadership team or let them watch from their home or office. Then get together and brainstorm ways to put the ideas to work in your church. Chris Adams hosts the webcasts with occasional guests to discuss topics related to ministering to women. Read more about Women’s Webcasts.
4. What resources do you have to help us with mentoring?
We are pleased to offer Woman to Woman Mentoring resources by speaker and author Janet Thompson. This resource is designed to help you with administrating the ministry, finding mentors, training mentors and mentees, kickoff coffees, and many other issues dealing with mentoring.
5. How do we find promotional resources for Bible studies or Events?
If you are planning a Bible study in your church we have free, downloadable promotional resources for many of our studies. Visit Bible Studies for Women where you will find a list of all of our studies. Choose a study and click on the title where you will find promotional items if they are available. For event promotion, visit Events for Women, click on the event you are interested in and you will find promotional items at the bottom of the page. All flyers are full color PDF files and can be printed on any color or black-and-white printer. You will need the latest version of Adobe Acrobat Reader™
6. How do we blend women’s enrichment ministry with already established women’s groups (such as a mission group) in our church?
Again, prayer is the key to opening the door for cooperation. Women’s ministry is not meant to do away with any already established ministry with women in your church. It is meant to involve more women in activities designed for them. To achieve a balanced ministry with women you must include three key elements: discipleship, missions, and evangelism. As we reach and disciple women, God will work in women’s lives to lead them to share their faith and to minister in His name to others, so it ideally will increase participation in already existing service ministries. Read more in Missions & Evangelism.
7. How do we approach our pastor/church staff about starting a women’s ministry?
First, pray and ask God’s direction and timing. If you continue to sense God’s leading in this area, make an appointment with the appropriate staff person to share your vision and heart for women’s ministry, along with one to two specific ideas that would help get things started. Ask your pastor or other staff leader what his vision is for the women in the church and how women’s ministry could support him in what God has called him to do at the church. Let him know you are seeking his input and response. Be submissive to the leadership of your church. The leadership provides not only the umbrella of authority, but also of protection for all the ministries in the church. The pastor and staff see the church from the bigger picture than we sometimes do as we focus on our area of ministry within the church. Wait on God’s timing if the pastor or leader who may be charged with women’s ministry is not comfortable with your proceeding at the present time. If that’s the case, continue to pray for God’s guidance.
8. How do we help women understand where they are spiritually and how God has gifted them?
Use these Spiritual Assessment Tools to guide women to understand where they are spiritually and how God has gifted them. Spiritual Growth Assessment Spiritual Gifts Survey Spiritual Gifts List Where do you feel God leading you to serve Him?
9. How do I download a digital Bible study session?
Visit Digital Download How-tos and FAQs for answers to questions about copying files, downloading tips, and copyright restrictions.
10. How do we find out about news for women from LifeWay?
LifeWay Women News & Updates is a weekly, email communication to help you stay up-to-date with ministry ideas, new resources, and life-changing events for women in your church. Sign up here www.lifeway.com/newsletters. Postal Mailing List and Information packet: You may request to be added to our postal mailing list by e-mailing Chris Adams, Women’s Ministry/Ministers’ Wives Specialist. She will send you a packet of information to help get you started.