1. Read the eighteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 227-235)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• How can you tell when someone is exerting a negative influence? What are some symptoms?
• What are some common rationalizations that women use to justify keeping the wrong company?
• Describe a time when someone had a positive influence on you. What was it about him/her that impacted you positively?
• What is the best way to exert a positive influence on others?
• What do you need to do to be more wise and less wild when it comes to the influence you accept and exert in your life?

© Mary A. Kassian

1. Read the seventeenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 217-225)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Download and complete the Conversation Peace Quiz
4. Post your comments on the Blog

• What’s the difference between a legitimate compliment and flattery?
• What’s the problem with talking excessively?
• How can using words to beguile, control and manipulate a man backfire on a woman?
• In which main area does your speech need improvement?

© Mary A. Kassian

If you’ve ever had an imaginary boyfriend, a romantic fantasy with a celebrity or a mental vacation from your husband, you have struggled in your thought-life. When it comes to inner purity, our thought-lives could be compared to a playground. One moment we climb the ladder toward victory and the next we’re nudged over the edge and can’t stop the downward spiral until we’ve fallen back where we started. The more confident we feel on the swing, the higher and higher we want to escape from keeping our feet on the ground.  The faster we spin the merry-go-round, the more distorted reality becomes.

While the struggle with lust takes a different form for women, it is far from being a male-only issue.  In the book, Sex is Not The Problem (Lust Is), Joshua Harris explains that “when a woman sees a seductive ad featuring a man, she might be tempted to fantasize about him, but odds are that this temptation will be rooted in a fantasy about a relationship with him, with physical pleasure being a subset of her craving for passionate affection and emotional intimacy.” (86) The same way that visual pornography is a distortion of God’s good design for male sexuality, fantasizing is a distortion of God’s good design for female sexuality.

Sexual desire itself is God-given and good. The difference between walking in purity and being dragged by your unfulfilled longings is not whether you have these desires, but what you do with them. “It’s not lust to have a strong desire for sex. A sexual thought that pops into your mind isn’t necessarily lust, but it can quickly become lust if it’s entertained and dwelled on,” (Harris). To lust is to stir up and dwell on a desire that cannot be righteously fulfilled. As John Piper defines it, “Lust is a sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God.

1 Peter 2:11 tells us to “abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.” Jesus said that when we have lust, we commit adultery in our hearts. (Matt. 5:28) And Paul describes those who live in the passion of lust as those who don’t know God (1 Thess. 4:5). The secret sin of lust has dire spiritual consequences. Harris rightly observes that there are few discouragements to a Christian’s walk with God like failing in the fight for purity. Like a futile attempt at satisfying hunger with cheap candy, you’re left with a rotting emptiness that deadens your appetite for holiness.

Romans 6:11-13 says, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.” When we choose to dwell on a lustful thought, we take what God created for good and present it to sin. We spiritually commandeer what God made for His glory and use it as a tool for unrighteousness.  Romans 6 goes on to ask a sobering question: “But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.” What can lust ever bring you but discontent, shame and a cyclical desire for more of what leaves you feeling empty? That’s not fulfillment. That’s enslavement.  But if you have been crucified with Christ, you are no longer a slave to sin but a slave of your merciful, soul-satisfying God, whose will for you is the wholeness of His sanctification (Rom. 6:21-22, 1 Thess. 4:4).  God intended for you to find complete fulfillment, joy and acceptance in His love.

At the core of the issue of habitual lust is probably a deeper issue of the heart. May I lovingly suggest to you that, for women, the problem with our thoughts is often a problem with our God?  Now we all struggle to submit our desires under the authority of Christ. But if retreating to a fantasy world is where you go when you’re tired, fed up and frustrated or feeling alone and unloved, what you are saying to your Creator – whether or not you consciously think this –is that He has somehow disappointed you. Your life was not ordered as you would have preferred it. You know He could have brought fulfillment in this area. But since He hasn’t you attempt to fulfill it your own way because you believe you’re entitled to more than He’s given.  You’re not only unsatisfied, you’re passively angry with your Creator. If your thought-life is consistently your battlefields, harnessing sexual desire may only be treating a symptom of the cause. The battle for our minds is as old as the Garden of Eden, where we, like Eve, believe that God is holding something back from us (Gen. 3:5). For true victory, and authentic obedience, we must repent of being angry with our Lord, acknowledge His authority over every part of our lives and rest in the knowledge that He is good to us (Psalm 119:68) and that He is for us (Psalm 56:9).

Along with that, there are some habits we can cultivate in our daily lives that help us walk in obedience to God and victory in our thought-lives. These suggestions are from a list by John Piper in an article entitled, “Strategies for Fighting Sexual Sin.”

• Believe that God is for you. (Psalm 84:11)
• Recognize that God’s laws are intended to protect something precious not deny something pleasant. (1 Thess. 4:3)
• Store up good things to think on. (Phil. 4:8)
• Meditate on the truth that Christ suffered agony for your purity. Fight image with image. (Titus 2:14, 1 Cor. 5:15)
• Realize that lust disables and weakens our capacity for higher spiritual joys with God. (1 Peter 2:11, Mark 4:19)

To simply stop the sin is an incomplete solution – we have to replace and fill our minds with a Greater Thought, a Better Meditation. We must turn from one source of contemplating, to completing the Person, the work and the character of Christ.  When we focus on who Jesus is and truly savor our Savior, the lure of lust will be starved out. Then, we have to preach to ourselves: “How can you stay here when you are dead to sin and alive to Christ?” (Rom. 6:2, 11)  “What will this temptation ever bring me but more shame?” (Rom. 6:21)  “I was set free to be free and by God’s Spirit will not be enslaved again,” (Gal. 5:1).

Other practical ways we can avoid lust is to be aware of those things that are triggers. For some women, specific times of the day are more of a temptation than others. Meditating on Scripture as you fall asleep will set your mind on what is pure and true. For others, certain music or chic-flicks frequently cause them to stumble.  If it’s constantly pulling you down, try a 30-day fast from the radio and movies. It sounds extreme but if you eliminate the distractions for a season you’re more likely to be in tune with the Spirit on what media can later be re-introduced without sending you on a downward spiral. And for many women it’s the romance novels. Maybe it’s time to put the Fabio-fable down and see what affect it has on your walk with God. Lastly, 2 Tim. 2:22 says that along with fleeing lust, we are to “pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” Are the people in your life a help or hindrance to purity? Are you surrounded by people that influence you to desire (physically or emotionally) things that God, in His sovereignty, has not given or do you have friends that stir you to love and good works (Heb. 10:24)? Pursue righteousness along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.

You’re not alone in the struggle for inner purity.  Your High Priest sympathizes with your weaknesses and just like you, was tempted in every way, but was without sin. This same Priest was the payment for every failure, every thought. Your Advocate is interceding on your behalf right now (1 John 2:1, Rom. 8:34) and He “is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,” (Jude 24).

Therefore, sisters in Christ, because of God’s mercy “present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” (Romans 12:1) May the Lord Jesus reign over the playground of our minds.

© Katie McCoy
www.unlockingfemininity.com

1. Read the sixteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 207-215)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• Describe a time when someone close to you broke a promise they made. How did you feel? How did it affect your thoughts and feelings towards that person?
• Why is it important that we are faithful in little things?
• Why is keeping our word particularly important in marriage?
• How can you be more faithful in the little things?

© Mary A. Kassian

The set-apart women I admire most all had one very important thing in common; they were passionately, ardently, fervently in love with Jesus Christ.  They put Jesus Christ above pleasure, riches, comforts, family, friends, and worldly applause.  And they put Jesus Christ far above their own agenda.

Amy Carmichael sacrificed her right to be married and chose instead to spend her life rescuing 1,000 children from being sold into temple prostitution in India.  Her romance with Jesus Christ far exceeded the most beautiful fairy tale ever written.

Sabina Wurmbrandt sacrificed her right to live “happily ever after” with the love of her life, Richard, when it came down to a choice between saving her husband and standing up for her first Love, Jesus Christ.  She inspired her husband to stand against those who were blaspheming Christ’s name, and as a result she and Richard were separated for ten long years.

Gladys Alyward spent all of her youth and beauty in a war-torn Chinese village – rather than pining after men – choosing service for the Kingdom of God over marriage, family and the comforts of this world.  And as a result, a hundred violent prisoners were subdued into quiet obedience, two hundred orphan’s lives were saved and thousands were pulled out of darkness into God’s marvelous light.

Catherine Booth laid down her right to a comfortable marriage and family life – not only allowing her husband to pour out his life for the destitute and dying, but serving right by his side as he did so.  She chose all-night prayer gatherings, long days trudging through slums, and attack from the modern church over a stable existence in a cute home with a white picket fence.

When I study these women’s lives, I am astounded and inspired by their level of commitment to Jesus Christ.  They didn’t just say He was their first love; they lived it.  Whether they gave up their right to be married in order to serve Christ, or gave up the “happily ever after” lifestyle they’d always dreamed of, nothing was more important than protecting the honor of their Lord and King.

So it must be with us.

The more I study the lives of great Christian women, the more I recognize that our American culture (even the Christian culture) so often convinces us that this life is all about us rather than being all about Jesus Christ.  It is my desire, by God’s grace, to make all of my decisions, choices and attitudes based on the question, “How can I honor and glorify my King in this moment?” It’s a deliberate choosing to ignore what my flesh (and this culture) constantly encourages me to do, which is to ask, “What is best for me right now?” or “What do I feel like doing?”

Being a mother of three has offered boundless opportunities to lay down my own agenda and serve others for the glory of God.  Tending to a crying newborn several times a night, and spending my best energies during the changing diapers, pouring juice, and kissing “owies” (instead of taking a nap or relaxing on the couch with a books) are a few small ways I am learning to die to self’s agenda and live a poured-out life for the glory of God.  However, I am convinced that these small victories are preparing for much greater opportunities to take up my cross and follow Him.  After all Christ said, “He who is faithful in little will also be faithful in much.”

I would encourage you to look at the challenging areas of your life.  Are there areas, even small areas, in which God wants to teach you how to lay down your own agenda, die to self, take up your cross and follow Him?  It may not seem like an exciting path at first, but it is the doorway into the fullness of all He has for you.  The heroic women of history past all had to begin living a poured-out life the small areas of their daily existence.  And because they were faithful in little, God entrusted with much.  Are we willing to follow in their footsteps?

© Leslie Ludy
www.setapartgirl.com