Alright cree
Mix up the yoga with the tai chi
Mix up the roots dem with the lychee
Strengthen up my back
Now ready fi whine she
When time me come the gal dem haffi cry cree…

Cree – T.O.K.

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing…

Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas

It’s gettin’
It’s gettin’
It’s gettin’ kinda hectic
Like the crack of the whip I snap attack
Front to back
in this thing called rap
Dig it like a shovel rhyme devil
On a heavenly level
Bang the bass
Turn up the treble
Radical mind day and night all the time
Seven fourteen wise divine
Maniac brainiac winning the game
I’m the lyrical Jesse James…

I’ve Got The Power – Snap

It’s the eye of the tiger
It’s the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watching us all
With the eye of the tiger

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

Hail Selassie him a di ancient monarchy
How yuh feelin? Well I’m feelin hotty
Bun babylon because dem corrupt and dem naughty
Lion a roar, pull di dog dem out deh barky barky
Yo! Pop off mi sword and now dem face get marky marky
Somebody said war, Well! mi seh fi start it
Shouldn’t rob di old woman har purse dung at di market
Shouldn’t kill innocent pedestrian pon di streets weh dem a walkin
Coulda know, question mi haffi ask it
Mi turban dun hot and mi trouble dem start it
Man nuh fling right and dem face get darty darty
Yo, hey, ok, well!
Dem get mi roti so mi go slew dem wid Karate…

Karate – Sizzla

男兒當自強 (A Man of Determination)

At this point you may be wondering, what is the rebuttal that we all needed to hear? Here it is: I am a 90lb twat who types with his pinkies in the air, and you are all developmentally disabled.

In other words, they desperately wish to change the subject.

OK. I accept the concession, and will not belabor my point any further, as that would be unsportsmanlike. But before dropping it altogether, dear disabled readers, let’s squeeze these lemons dry!

Martial Development Charity Drive

If you have enjoyed Martial Development this year, I now ask for a small token of your appreciation; not for myself, but for the less fortunate among us. Five or ten dollars is enough; give more if you can, less if you must. Here is a list of deserving charities to choose from, or you can go with Special Olympics.

(In the spirit of the season, why not make your donations in honor of “Jack Frost”?)

After doing that, I would like you to leave a comment below, with the name of the charity you have chosen, and the amount given. (Feel free to omit your full name for privacy reasons.) Let the sum of those comments serve as evidence that martial artists can make a positive difference in the world, if they are properly motivated.

Given the number of subscribers and daily visitors here, I hope for at least 50 comments! (Until that number is reached, there will be no more posts on this blog.)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

I was only twenty minutes into an outdoor routine (that is, an indoor routine stripped of any provocative elements) when I heard a group of teenage boys approaching behind me. I continued to mind my own business, but they were not content with theirs.

Did they taunt me with the standard Bruce Lee kung fu yelps? Well, of course they did; and I ignored it, just as I have ignored it three dozen times before. But unlike three dozen times before, this group did not have a few laughs and keep walking.

They dared each other to throw a rock at me, and that I could not ignore. If the first rock went unanswered, it would not be the last.

It appeared to be a no-win situation. We all knew that, if things got ugly, I would be forced to shoulder the blame. In the eyes of the public, I would be “the menacing Kung Fu expert who terrorized a group of harmless, innocent children.” Aside from the teens, there were no witnesses present to testify in my defense.

As I stood there with my back turned, the rowdy gang quieted down. Prompted by a mixture of fear and unwarranted confidence, one boy picked up his rock and took aim.

The Moment of Truth

Without breaking form, I spun around and looked that boy straight in the eye. We reached an immediate and wordless compromise: from only ten yards away, his rock would miss me by a country mile, and I would not retaliate against him. Nobody would call him a coward, and everyone would go home intact.

“I missed,” was the boy’s flat and unconvincing apology to his buddies. Now holding my obvious and menacing attention, the group decided to move on.

Yes, this is a boring story, but it is a true story, and I am quite proud of the ending. Just another boring example of the options we give ourselves, by viewing martial arts through the widest possible lens.

Calculate your child beating score, just for fun

One
Adira walked down the street, wearing a comfortable summer ensemble: tank-top, shorts, and flip-flops. Twenty yards ahead, she spotted two idle and suspicious men sitting quietly. To a Krav Maga expert of her status, they were no concern. She casually walked past them.

Suddenly, the nearest man lunged forward. Adira’s training immediately kicked in; she silently asked herself, How should I disable this attacker? In an instant, she had already struck him in the chin, kneed him in the stomach and thrown him to the ground. Having solved the problem, she continued her walk.

Then the second man attacked from behind! Adira responded with a powerful side kick, followed by two more of her infamous knee strikes. Finally realizing the danger of her circumstances, she ran away.

Fortunately, her Krav Maga was a complete success.

Two
Adira walked down the street, alone and unarmed. As a practitioner of self-defense, she would normally try to avoid this scenario altogether–but the enchanting summer afternoon had silenced her better judgment. Twenty yards ahead, she spotted two idle and suspicious men sitting quietly. Adira’s training immediately kicked in; she silently asked herself, How do I avoid fighting with any would-be attacker?

As there was no other route home, she continued forward, forgetting to tread along the far side of the path. While the additional three feet of distance would not have protected Adira, it would have given her an extra half-second to respond to any sudden lunges. A half-second is a long time in such circumstances.

And the man did lunge at her. Without sufficient time and space to get away, Adira was forced to counterattack. Using her training in Krav Maga, she subdued the man, while his obvious accomplice sat and watched from the sidelines. As Adira tried to walk away–without proper shoes, running was not an option–the second man approached. Again, she was taken by surprise, but due to the sheer incompetence of her assailants, she somehow managed to escape without injury.

Sadly, her self-defense skills were a complete failure.

Raging Phoenix

[Yesasia] [IMDB]
I would love to cite Raging Phoenix as the first awesome martial arts film with a female lead. I would love to do that. But its choreographers and writers conspire against me.

Raging Phoenix is the story of a young female rocker (played by Jeeja Yanin) who gets caught up in a ruthless kidnapping ring. Women are abducted off the streets of Thailand, drugged, and taken to a secret laboratory hidden within a Temple of Doom, which is in turn hidden within a metropolitan sewage system. Naturally, the women’s tears are harvested there, to concoct a patent medicine for eccentric billionaires.

Only one force is strong enough to thwart the kidnapper’s plans: a small group of drunken vigilantes who learned to combine Muay Thai boxing with stylish hip-hop dance moves.

Enough about the storyline, let’s talk about the action. The fight scenes in Raging Phoenix are elaborate and unique. Most are not really “fight” scenes at all, so much as opportunities to showcase a carefully planned set of breakdance-kicks against a stationary opponent. This, and not the ridiculous plot, is the movie’s unforgivable flaw: it becomes a mere sequence of tricks set to bad Thai rap music, and we’ve seen better tricks elsewhere.
My Rating: B-

Jeeja Yanin Vismistananda and friends, in Raging Phoenix

JCVD

[Amazon] [IMDB] [Netflix]
Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a washed-up, bankrupt and luckless action star, who would do almost anything to avoid making another straight-to-DVD B-movie. Is he desperate enough to commit armed robbery?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “That’s not an act!” But actually, JCVD shows the long-overlooked dramatic talents of a skilled thespian. No kidding.
My Rating: A-

The Real Shaolin

[Order] [IMDB]
In this revealing documentary, Alexander Sebastien Lee follows four trainees at the modern Shaolin Temple. Orion and Eric are two foreigners who hope to become warrior monks; Zhu and Yuan Peng are the children of poor farmers and laborers, who hope to escape poverty through martial arts stardom. Misled by popular films–and indeed by previous hagiographic “Shaolin documentaries”–none finds quite what they expected.

Traditional Shaolin Kung Fu training is perhaps rarer today than ever before, having been supplanted by theatrical Wushu and sporting Sanda. Trainers resent the lazy and clumsy tourists, few of whom can endure the austere training. Visiting laowai in turn resent the teachers, who expect them to follow the Chinese kids’ gymnastics curriculum for years, until they are deemed ready and worthy for the inner-gate secrets of the Temple.

Although Monk De Yang explains that the purpose of Chinese Kung Fu is to improve health, most of the thousands of students in and around Shaolin train in the dirt, sleep in the cold, and take little rest after their frequent injuries. In the end, the trainees are disillusioned, having experienced more bitterness then glory.
My Rating: B+–and required viewing for all would-be martial arts pilgrims

Champions (Duo Biao)

[Amazon] [IMDB]
This heartwarming story of the first Olympic Wushu demonstrations will surely arouse your patriotic spirit–if you are Chinese. If not, you can still enjoy Dicky Cheung’s humor, and the semi-authentic presentations of traditional Chinese styles: Taiji Fists, Eagle Claw Kung Fu and Mantis Boxing.
My Rating: B

Champions

Yip Man

[Amazon] [IMDB]
Donnie Yen stars in this creative retelling of a real Wing Chun Kung Fu master’s life in WWII China. Nominated for best action direction, and winner of Hong Kong’s Best Film award, its critical and commercial success has already guaranteed at least one sequel.
My Rating: A-

And many more…
There were so many kung fu movies released to theaters and DVD this year, I couldn’t possibly review them all. Here is my mostly complete list:

Against The Dark (Steven Seagal)
Blood and Bone (Michael Jai White)
The Boxer
Chocolate (Jeeja Yanin, US version)
Chandni Chowk to China
Confessions of an Action Star
Dance of the Dragon
Death Warrior
Dragonball Evolution (Chow Yun-Fat)
Driven to Kill (Steven Seagal)
Fight Night
Fighting
Fireball
Geisha Assassin
Geisha vs. Ninjas
I Was a Teenage Ninja
Ichi
Kungfu Cyborg (Wu Jing) (C-)
Legendary Assassin (Wu Jing) (B-)
Love and Honor (B-)
Onechanbara: Samurai Bikini Squad
Ong Bak 2 (Tony Jaa)
Mask of the Ninja
Mulan
Never Back Down
Never Surrender
Ninja She-Devil
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li
Twin Daggers
Wandering Ginza Butterfly
Wushu: The Young Generation
Red Cliff (Tony Leung, US version) (B+)
The Samurai Princess
The White Crane Chronicles, a.k.a. Kung Fu Killer (David Carradine)

Kungfu Cyborg

Which of these movies was your favorite? Least favorite? Which releases are you eagerly awaiting for 2010? Personally, I think the best martial arts movie of next year might well turn out to be a dance movie…

The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers

If you have to choose between seeing Ninja Assassin and Red Cliff this weekend, I recommend the latter–even if this abridged US release is not quite as good as the original 4-hour Chinese version. (Curious John Woo fans can order the longer cut of Red Cliff on DVD today.)

Fantastic tales about Ninja clans and other secret fighting societies are depressingly common in the martial arts world. These legends are used for marketing and entertainment purposes; repeated often, but rarely taken seriously.

Benjamin Fulford wants to be taken seriously. Formerly the Asia-Pacific bureau chief at Forbes Magazine, Fulford spent years reporting on the highest and lowest echelons of Japanese society, from politicians to Yakuza gangsters. While many of his native colleagues were kidnapped or killed, in retaliation for their stories on the hidden structures of government, the Canada-born Fulford managed to escape their fate.

Today, Benjamin Fulford has an incredible story to tell, grounded in personal experience, and supported by his university studies in economics and Asian history. Once threatened by a menacing ninja assassin from the shadow government, he now claims the support and protection of the Triads, in his mission to end the corrupt global plutocracy.

Truth is stranger than fiction. Find a comfortable chair, make some popcorn, and enjoy this interview by Project Camelot.

Video transcript

A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
~ Michelangelo

Goethe

Art is long, life short; judgment difficult, opportunity transient.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Many are willing to suffer for their art. Few are willing to learn to draw.
~ Simon Munnery

No artist is ahead of his time. He is his time. It is just that the others are behind the time.
~ Martha Graham

Art is what you can get away with.
~ Andy Warhol

Oscar Wilde

Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master.
~ Leonardo da Vinci

It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art.
~ Oscar Wilde

The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.
~ Adolf Hitler

The Contest

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it: choose any one of these quotes, and explain how you feel it applies to martial arts. You can write a 5-page essay, or a single paragraph, or anything in between. Post your response in the comments section below, or post it on your own blog and link back here.

All contest participants will receive a free copy of these e-books: Mind Training for Martial Artists and The Student’s Guide to Surviving a Traditional Dojo. In addition, I will randomly select one lucky winner to receive a paperback copy of Willpower: How to Achieve Self-Discipline by Jim Randel.

This contest ends on Christmas Eve 2009. Good luck!

Update: Although the contest is over, you are still welcome to share your views below.

Martial arts practice in America is entirely unregulated. There is no central body that issues standards, no set of accepted practices, no communication between different styles. State and local governments have nothing to say about who is and isn’t a martial artist. After all, consumers are free to make their own decisions.

Unfortunately, it can be very hard to tell the difference between fantasy and reality when studying an ancient, esoteric and exotic discipline. Not many people have any idea what martial arts training should consist of. There is almost no agreement within the martial arts establishment over what is effective training and what is not.

Investigation is expensive and the market is too small to attract much media attention, aside from cinematic mythmaking. The mainstream martial arts magazines have never made investigative journalism part of their repertoire. George Dillman, the mental KO king was Black Belt Magazine’s instructor of the year in 1997. There is simply no money in exposing these martial arts entrepreneurs. Some people, however, are willing to do it for free.

Bullshido.com…was set up in 2002 for just that purpose. Bullshido tries to use crowd-sourcing and citizen journalism to investigate and expose the worst of the martial arts phonies. Its founding goal was to be “a virtual meeting place and sounding board for a grass roots movement to restore ethics and realism to systems shrouded in misinformation and irrational mysticism.”

Ten moderators who review its 500 to 1,000 daily posts police this faceless mob. They seem to believe that those moderators are best who moderate least. “We don’t pre-screen our comments,” says Samuel Browning, one of the site’s attorneys. “We don’t have an intelligence test for our comments.”

I have previously described the world of commercial martial arts instruction as a market for lemons. Now, I would like to examine the limits of that analogy.

If the potential buyers of a used car are unable to immediately assess its condition, they nevertheless agree on its ideal characteristics: functioning brakes, smooth shifting, no leaking fluids, and so on. No such agreement exists across the broad spectrum of the world’s martial arts.

This conflict is not a result of fraudulent and under-qualified teachers; quite the contrary, it is driven from the demand side. The majority of martial arts consumers in the United States are irrefutably content with an art that just “doesn’t work,” by Wikipedia standards.

Instead of addressing the underlying issues—legitimate differences in training goals and values—the Bullshido mindset specializes in penny-ante skepticism of lineage credentials and historical claims. At this task, they are a success: they can tell you whether Sensei Bobby Joe really worked as a soldier of fortune in the Central American jungle, or if he truly received a teaching certificate from an unnamed Shaolin monk. (The answer is no.)

With respect to concrete martial skills, and the ability to teach them, their suspects are deemed guilty until proven innocent by YouTube—the kind of populist “reasoning” that would make any legitimate researcher blush.

The beneficiary of these investigations is less clear. Surely it is not the student who voluntarily signed up for Oriental fantasy role-play. Yes, a few of those will be shamed into departing their chosen McDojo, but their embarrassment leaves them no better equipped to search for superior alternatives. Here there is a thin line between exposing victims in the name of justice, and creating them for sport (and profit).

Through its zeal to punish wrongdoers, the Bullshido mindset holds its supposed audience—the inexperienced student—in thinly veiled contempt. Its average product reads more like taunts scribbled on a UFC bathroom stall than an issue of Consumer Reports, with a level of violent fanaticism rivaling the worst martial arts cults.

If all McDojos were somehow wiped off the face of the Earth today: Hollywood would recharter them, charlatans would restaff them, immature students would patronize them, and the equally childish Bullshido mob would ecstatically debunk them. In other words, everyone would find their satisfaction. Personally, I see no problem to be solved.

In the interest of full disclosure: I owe Chuck Norris a favor. It was by introducing his “facts” to the mainstream audience back in 2006, that I first established this blog as a premier source for martial arts humor, news, fact and opinion. As payback, he has kindly allowed me to review his latest book, “The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book.”

This, Chuck’s seventh book (!), juxtaposes 101 of his favorite and least obscene Internet-spawned “facts”, with real stories from his life as tournament fighter, actor, and speedboat racer. Total damage: three hundred and five pages.

Did you know?

It is no coincidence that “The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book” was published by Tyndale House, also responsible for the popular Rapture-porn series “Left Behind”. While Chuck owes no apologies for celebrating his Christian values here in some rather tedious and repetitive vignettes, the party ends early for the reader. To be fair, this is one jeremiad with excellent illustrations.

It is not so much the presence of religion and politics in this book, but their shallow and humorless treatment that offends. (The 2008 gas price shock is seemingly blamed on “foreigners,” with free-market capitalism offered as a solution.) Fortunately, the book is leavened with a prominent “Chuck Norris fact” on every third or fourth page, and many of the anecdotes that stay away from these two difficult topics are genuinely interesting.

Did you know?

Those who fancy themselves as conservative soldiers in America’s “Culture War” will undoubtedly love this book. Those unfamiliar with Chuck Norris facts will also like it. For everyone else, a little Christian patience may be required.

* All the facts listed on this page are true!

Maj. Gen. Albert N. Stubblebine III: The key to all of this…it has nothing to do with bending metal [spoons]…Lord Mercy, if I can do that with my mind, what else can I do? It wasn’t clear whether they thought I was nuts. In any event, the reaction that I got was, “we’re not very interested.”

But as Jon Ronson’s investigation shows, they were in fact very interested. During the last few decades, the United States military has conducted a series of experiments in psychic warfare. On the record, these attempts to create superhuman “warrior monks” for a “First Earth Battalion” were a complete failure. (Off the record, you have no need to know.)

One of the least successful experiments is parodied in the new Hollywood comedy “The Men Who Stare at Goats,” and further documented in a book of the same name. It is also covered in the British documentary “Crazy Rulers of the World”, which you may watch for free below.

It seems that Jon Ronson never asked Major General Stubblebine why he believed that, with enough training, he could walk through walls. The answer, in case you were wondering, is that a few Yogis and Qigong experts have allegedly demonstrated it. He also never questioned how Stubblebine’s coveted army of super-soldiers could possibly bring an end to all war–the most absurd claim in this entire program. (Psychic ability is almost mundane by comparison, and has been covered here previously.)

Update: The YouTube links are dead now, but you can still find the documentary online at Mojvideo.