Manners Mentor Blog : Simple. Savvy. Sincere.

"Where is Her Real Mom?" Adoption Etiquette

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:27:36 PDT

The McKee baby-making factory is out of business. I’d love to have another child, but after two babies, two miscarriages, and my youngest son’s dangerous birth and learning disabilities, Kent and I decided that if God leads us to add to our family (I hope He does!) it will be through adoption.

Thinking about adoption has me talking to adoptive parents. Today’s post is part one of a two-part post on adoption etiquette.

It’s about being sensitive to adoptive families by avoiding questions we might find simply interesting, but they find intrusive at best, and often hurtful.

In our next post, we’ll look at adoption etiquette as it relates to announcements, parties, and showers, and how adoptive parents can respond to those insensitive questions.

1. The way an adoptive child entered the family, or why a family chose to adopt a particular child, is no more open to discussion than how your birth child entered your family. Can you imagine a stranger in line behind you at Target noticing your child and then asking without hesitation, “She’s so cute! So…how did she come about? Have a fight with your husband and make up?” Or, “Get lost in the moment and forget your birth control?” I can't imagine that would ever happen, at least let's hope not.

Yet adoptive parents are bombarded with insensitive questions about how their child came to them and often in front of young children old enough to realize that strangers find their family “different” than other parents and children. “Where’s her real mom?” “How much did she cost?” “Couldn’t you have your own child?” “Why didn’t you adopt an American baby?”

We don’t live our lives on Oprah’s TV stage. Adoptive families aren't any different. They shouldn't be thought of as eager to take up residence there and tell their stories to everyone who asks. Some (probably a lot) of adoptive parents are eager ambassadors for adoption; yet, on their schedules—not at the beck and call of strangers.

2. Different families tell their children their adoption stories at different ages. In the case of people adopting children of the same race, keep in mind some children might not know they’re adopted. While you might disagree with the child not knowing, it’s the parent’s decision.

Also, sometimes younger siblings might not realize older siblings are adopted. Ask the parents privately before speaking openly to the children.

3. The adoptive mom and dad are the child’s real parents. Choose words that are sensitive to the subject, and don’t put a layer of separation between parent and child. One adoptive mom I interviewed when writing this post put it this way, “Real is not a good word. All the people in the adoption triangle are real. When someone uses that word for the birthparents, it makes the adoptive parents sound inferior. It can be especially harmful if the child or his or her siblings hear it. Use adoptive mother and birth father, etc., to distinguish individuals if there’s even a rare reason to mention everyone.”

4. Don’t share adoption horror stories with parents in the process of or who have adopted. That’s the same as telling a pregnant women about your 27 hours of hard labor. What good is done by it? Yes, sometimes children go astray as they grow up, (whether raised by their birth parents or adopted parents) and an adopted child raised in the best of homes can turn out to have the same struggles of her birth parents 20 years earlier. However, for every story like that, there’s an inspirational story of destinies changed due to adoption.

Keep in mind, as Christians we’re all adopted into Christ’s family. What if He let our possible weaknesses and those of our parents decide while we were still children if He would ever call us His own?

Join me soon for Part Two.

Until then, are you a member of our Facebook family? You’ve gotta come join the fun!

We have almost 2000 members. The nicest people you’d ever want to be with! Come on over to www.facebook.com/manners.mentor to keep in the loop and get your daily dose of our Manners Mentor Family tips, inspiration and fun!

Blessings,

Bodily Noise Etiquette….Really!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 06:25:55 PST

A whole post about bodily noise etiquette?

Really???

I know that burps and…um…“not burps” seem like odd etiquette topics.

In fact, I feel edgy writing about them. If you’ve been part of the Manners Mentor family for even a week you know “edgy” isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think, “Maralee.”

I’m as straight as 6:00!

In truth, talking about bathroom things can get foul. (Pardon the possible pun.) It’s like two kid brothers whispering and snickering in the backseat of the mini-van. I have two boys. Trust me, bathroom talk is the verbal thread of boyhood.

In regards to this post, you don’t need to cringe, or shield your children. These savvy skills will help you in your time of etiquette crisis whether you’re 6 or 46. In fact, you’ll want to share these skills with your family. Although, probably not over dinner.

Wondering why I chose this topic?

I want you to be able to count on me as the friend and mentor to share with you how to shine in ANY situation.

That’s my brand of etiquette.

Our Manners Mentor family is where the ivory towers of etiquette meet your everyday lives.

This topic is essential information for your social skill success, and for you I’ll come out of my comfort zone!

If you think about it, we’re held hostage when it comes to bodily noises. We can choose to control our words, our thoughts, our attitudes, our actions, and our beliefs.

Our intestinal tracts, well…they’re going to do what they’re going to do without seeking wise counsel from our more controlled and genteel side prior to their public outbursts.

When this happens, our dignity is left paralyzed with doubt about the right course of action to recover from our body’s betrayal.

Those around us are equally embarrassed and perplexed about how to respond, or if they should respond at all.

As your Manners Mentor (Thank you, by the way, for allowing me that honor. I’m grateful for the trust and friendship we share!), and in the interest of your dignity, below in easy bullet points, you’ll find the solution for both what to do when you’re intestinal tract has betrayed you, and when you’re the innocent bystander.

Oh, before I forget, when you’re finished reading the etiquette tips, I’d consider it a dear favor if you’d take a minute to read my personal update that follows. It’s some big news and an invitation!

Bodily Noise Etiquette

Burping

Let’s start with the lesser of the evils, shall we, and work our way up (or would that be down?)!

Everyone, I guess this would even include the Queen herself, burps. There’s no reason to be overly embarrassed. Exchange the energy you would spend on embarrassment for handling the situation with ease, confidence, and a little savvy!

When you feel a burp coming on, follow these four steps:

1. Keep your lips closed and try to be as quiet as possible.

2. Take your left hand (your right hand if you’re left-handed) and make a fist. Raise your fist to your mouth and burp into the part where your thumb and first (pointer) finger circle one another.

3. Turn your head to one shoulder or the other as you burp into your fist. Which side to turn your head? Well, if there’s no one on a particular side, choose that side. If there’s someone on both sides, you’ve got a choice to make. Who will mind the least? If your neighbor is on your right, and your husband is on your left, turn your head to your left. It’s no disrespect; it just goes with being family!

4. Say, “Pardon me!” to no one in particular but so that anyone who heard you burp will also hear your confession.

If you’re near someone who burps:

· The less said the better. Simply smile a little smile that says, “Been there, done that!” Do this well and you’re going to be a hero!

· If you feel you must say something (really, though, you don’t have to say anything), a simple, “Of course” or ”Sure” is all that’s needed.

Passing Gas

Yes, I know; I didn’t even like typing the words. This is the bodily function people dread happening to them or anyone near them. I wish there was a magic wand to make it all go away, but of course there isn’t. Here are the tips that will help you handle it as well as possible next time.

If you pass gas:

· Passing gas is called a “social unmentionable.” That means no matter what, shhh! We don’t mention it in adult company!

· If you’re at home with family or out with one or two dear friends and you feel you must say something, then simply say, “Pardon me.” But really, you don’t have to say a word! (Doesn’t that make you feel better?)

· When in a crowd or with strangers, usually never mention it. “Owning it” is not actually the best choice. Because it’s a social unmentionable, it’s really best not to draw attention to it.

If you’re with someone who passes gas:

· If the person who passes the gas says, “Excuse me.” Simply give a little smile the same as with a burp and be quick to carry on the conversation you were having prior to the incident.

· Passing gas is embarrassing for the offender and the offended. Resist the urge to say anything or to laugh at the expense of the other person.

· If the smell becomes bothersome simply say, “Excuse me” and leave the room without explanation. When you return, no explanation is needed either.

For families:

· At home with your children, you might want to establish a rule that makes them apologize quickly when around family members. Otherwise, a lengthy and giggle-filled game of “I didn’t do it; he did!” is likely to frequently erupt!

· When in public, as long as your child wasn’t doing it on purpose, whether he or she burps or passes gas, it’s just as embarrassing for little ones as it is for us. It’s kind to teach them the “adult etiquette” listed here and allow them to follow it.

Finally:

Well….there you have it, what to do if you’re the offender or the offended. Simple skills with big rewards when it comes to handling these embarrassing but inevitable situations with ease, confidence and with your dignity in tact!

Personal Update:

You are missed and I love hearing from you! Click on over to the blog and say, “Hello” so I know you’re still around. Also, if you have any friends who might enjoy the blog, this would be a great post to use to introduce them. It’s etiquette, but definitely not stuffy! Forward it on to them now!

Big news:

I haven’t blogged lately because I’m enveloped full-time-plus in creating what will be the hallmark of my career!

It’s an etiquette curriculum that you’ll soon be able to purchase to become a Manners Mentor® yourself! You’ll receive everything you need to teach children’s etiquette classes for:

To become a child’s role model and mentor
To begin or expand your ministry
To increase your sphere of influence
For personal fulfillment
To become your communities media go-to manners expert
For profit (The income is a great blessing in this tough economy!)

It’s the culmination of 19 years or prayer, faith, expectation, study, careful planning, and hard work on my part. I’m honored to be the author. About 18 months ago I partnered with an amazing development team to bring it all to life.

People who have worked with:

Disney®
American Girl®
Billy Graham Ministries®
Hermie®
….and many others are working side-by-side with me!

What we’re creating is astonishing! It’s fun, modern, meaningful, and memorable! It will be life-changing for future students and their Manners Mentors®.

I’ve been cultivating my life’s garden. Laboring in the fields of words has been hard. It’s almost harvest time. I can’t wait to share the bounty with you in the coming months!

If you have a heart for children and understand they benefit from life-impacting and life-changing etiquette skills, then join me and add being a “Manners Mentor®” to your list of life achievements.

E-mail me today at Info@MannersMentor.com. I’ll let you know as soon as the web site with all the details is up and running!

$100 Checks

Have a friend who might be interested? Tell her about it, and if she e-mails me and becomes a Manners Mentor®, I’ll send you a $100 check as a special thank you! No limit to how many $100 checks you could receive, so share the news with all your friends!

Facebook! Facebook! Facebook!

Are you part of our facebook family? I share a tip a day and we have tons of fun conversations. If you’re not part of the facebook page click over to facebook and, join now! In only seven months our little family has grown to over 1200!

You’ll find me at www.facebook.com/manners.mentor. Or just type “Maralee McKee Manners Mentor” into the facebook search box.

See you on facebook today and back here with another blog post as soon as I can!

Many blessings and great gratitude,

7 Ways to Shine as a Party Guest & an Update on My Son

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:30:01 PST

Greetings!

…and we’re off! It didn’t take long for Christmas to get into full gear this year, did it?

It seems like I just put the last of my Thanksgiving platters back in the china cabinet and already Christmas stockings are hung by the fireplace and social invitations are hung on the refrigerator door!

Between friends, family, work, school, and church you, and I are in full party mode, aren’t we?

That’s either good news or bad, depending on our outlook.

Watching TV news the other day, I discovered I had been wrong about something for years. There are more introverts than extroverts. I’d always thought it was vice-versa.

This trivial detail made me leap for joy. (Well… I didn’t actually leap, but I would have if I was a leaping sort of person.)

You see, I’m an introvert. I’ve always kind-of seen that as a bit of a flaw. Something I wish I could change about myself. Because I’m on radio and TV, and I’m comfortable talking to large audiences in public, people assume that I’m in my element at any party.

Not so!

I enjoy people. I’m naturally inclined to like you, and I’ve learned how to start and hold any conversation, but I need a lot of alone time to refuel my party engine.

Parties, well… it takes a lot of energy for me to make merry for hours. If I would let my natural instincts take over, I’d stay inside every evening this Christmas season, warm and cozy in my PJs, quietly taking in the beauty of the Christmas tree.

Etiquette has been a saving grace. I’ve learned how to interact with ease and graciousness. Knowing I’m putting myself out there in the best light has made things less stressful for me. Through purposeful effort and time, it’s replaced my natural introvert dread with, “I know how to do this. I’ll make it a great evening!”

Whether you’re like me, a member of the majority introvert party who needs a little nudging before knocking on the hostess' door, or an extrovert figuring out if you could squeeze in two parties Friday night instead of just one, this post is for you!

Here are seven tips for being a welcomed party guest. Put these into practice and what your hostess and the other guests will remember most about you is that you were one of the most gracious, warm, and welcomed parts of the party!

7 Top Tips for Being a Great Party Guest:

1. Be among the first to let your hostess know you’re coming. Did you know that 30 years ago, adding RSVP to an invitation was considered insulting? True! You see, asking you to respond to an invitation implied that maybe you weren’t going to do it on your own.

Times change; now we have to put a date for other to RSVP by, send three e-mails, and leave two voice messages, hoping to get a reply. It’s a shame that we have to track down others to see if they’re going to accept our kindness. No one likes having to do it, so don’t be one of the “nonresponders.”

First responders are always heroes. Respond to an invitation the day you receive it. Responding quickly shows you were glad to be included. Waiting sends the message, “Your event isn’t at the top of my list. I’ll get to you when I get to you.”

2. Dress the part. Every hostess sets a stage. It’s in the formalness or casualness of her invitation, the menu and music she chooses, and the guests she brings together. It’s the party -oer's job to come in "costume." If your hostess is planning a formal affair, rise to the occasion and dress the part. If she’s hosting a causal get-together, don’t overdress and make her feel like a frump at her own party.

When you don’t know what to wear, ask. Don’t worry; asking doesn’t make you seem socially unknowing; it shows you care enough to want her party to be everything she pictured.

3. Try the food. This is a biggie. A real biggie! Your hostess has spent hours deciding what to serve, lots of money buying it, and too many hours preparing it. Please taste it.

But you say, “I’m on a diet.” I know. Me too, actually. (Although I’m starting to think that my extra ten pounds have moved in with a ten-year lease.)

The last thing to say when offered food is, “I’m already full” or “No thank you. I’m cutting back.” (Unless of course you’re allergic or diabetic.)

I’m not suggesting you horde the cheesecake and devour it in one sitting--just that you take at least a small portion of one or two items and enjoy a few bites.

When someone cooks for you, they put a piece of themselves out there. Will it taste good? Will they enjoy it? Did I make the right food choices? Not partaking of the food when he or she has put thought and time into it is like being kissed by your husband and not kissing back.

The food is the hostesses gift to you. Partake of it with enthusiasm.

4. Introduce yourself to anyone you don’t know. If it’s not a large party, try introducing yourself to every guest. Even if you’re an introvert, this is easy once you do it a few times and enjoy the positive results.

Make eye-contact, stand-up, smile, extend your hand to shake, and say, “Hello, I’m (first name) (last name.)” When the other person tells you his or her name, all you need to say in response is, “It’s nice to meet you (first name).” Simple, savvy, sincere!

Next, ask how he or she knows the host or hostess. Great conversations begin with finding common ground. Obviously, you both know the host, so that’s your first connection point. Ninety-nine percent of the time, an organic conversation will evolve out of that one little question.

5. Compliment the hostess. She’s put effort into the event; let her know her work hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated. Compliment her on the food and her Christmas decorations if you can.

You don’t have to make things up. Just look carefully; there’s something you can compliment. The color of green she painted her kitchen, how cute her dog is, how beautiful a piece of art work is…you get the idea.

If her food and decorations are a hit, don’t be shy about piling on the compliments. It means you’re the type of person who takes notice and shares praise. Those are two fine traits!

6. Don’t take on the role of maid, but use a coaster and clean up after yourself. If the hostess is juggling this party all on her own and she doesn’t have a serving crew (Oh, to be able to host a catered party! Actually, I love making the food; I just would enjoy someone to help serve it and clean up when the party was done!), lend a hand so her house doesn’t look like a gang of sugar hyped-up second-graders spent an hour alone in the family room.

The hostess has her hands full talking to all the guests and seeing that food and drinks are refilled. It’s nice to take your plates, napkins, glasses, and so on to the kitchen. You can throw paper products away and leave the other items in the sink or on the counter.

7. Show your appreciation when you leave and again the next day. At the door, express what a lovely evening you had and how happy you were to be included.

If you know the hostess, call the next day, and talk to her or leave a voice mail telling her again what a great party she threw. (Send a thank-you note to all hostesses within one week of the party.)

Parties, large or small, are work. Even though they’re efforts of love, your friend will appreciate knowing that her planning and work came together to make a memorable event.

Letting her know is your gift back to her!

McKee Family Update!

What a difference a year makes!

It was one year ago now that Corbett, our youngest son, was diagnosed with two forms of profound dyslexia, one form of severe dyslexia, and eye problems that can’t be corrected through glasses or surgery. In the span of 60 short minutes, he went from being just “Corbett” to being a “special needs” child. The suddenness of it all was too much for Kent and I to inhale.

He had just come off a six-week case of severe mono that landed him in the hospital, and we we’re exhausted and self-righteously thinking we had just paid our “parental dues” for the year. This pronouncement was more than we owed.

Last year at this time I had a weekly newsletter that went out to several thousand people. (This blog just started in April.) Letters poured in--pages of love, prayer, support, and stories of your own battles with severe dyslexia and stories of your children.

Here’s a link to that article: http://www.mannersmentorblog.com/2008/12/new-diagnosis-for-corbett-new-journey.html. I got to thinking of it when I received a call last week from a lady standing right now where I stood a year ago. I could feel her pain; I understood her shock, her sorrow, her uncertainty, even her anger.

It’s hard being a mom and having to come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard we try, no matter how much money we pay, no matter how many specialists we team with, our little ones are wired differently.

Do you want to know what I’ve really, truly learned this year? Sometimes things aren’t perfect, but perfection is over rated.

I would take away my little guy's struggles in an instant if I could. But, I can’t. So, I’m doing all I can to help him, leaning on Christ for the rest, and expecting great, unexpected things for and from my precious little guy.

You see it’s easy to excel when you have an extra dose of educational talent like so many of his friends. It’s a miracle to excel when you have so much to overcome. Last year I prayed for an instant miracle. My request wasn’t denied; it was just redesigned.

This year I understand that I have my own miracle man. My request has been granted. It’s just that my miracle will unfold inch-by-inch over the next 12 years of school and beyond into college and throughout his life.

I would have preferred an instant fix, but I’ve decided to be grateful and excited for my miracle. I get to experience it new every day.

Hugs to you! Blessings, too!

Six Easy Tips for Knowing What to Wear

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:43:28 PST

Eek! What am I going to wear?

Is your initial joy in receiving an invitation quickly sucked away by that thought? Mine usually is.

We’ve all been there!

We know our clothes introduce us and speak for us from across the room before we have a chance to say our first word. We want to look good, even to stand out, as long as it’s for our good choice and not for a “What is she wearing?” whisper between two guests.

In the good ol’ days… say 15 years ago, knowing what to wear to any social event was pretty much no stress.

There were about four different categories of attire, each with easy-to-define guidelines that made getting ready for our grownup gatherings as easy as dressing our little ones in Garanimals!

Then, someone, somewhere decided that individuality and clever labels for suggested attire like “Hollywood Casual” and “Urban Chic” trumped the comfort of the predictability of mutual agreed upon norms like “Business” or “Black tie” and threw away the guidelines.

It's all too much, and since there's no public agreement on what these new labels mean, most of them are useless for helping you and me look our best.

The guests that come dressed-up to the party look at the guests wearing khakis and sweaters and say, “I’m way overdressed.”

The khaki crowd feels every synapse in their bodies twitter while they glance at their fellow guests in cocktail dresses and four-inch heels and internally mumble, “I didn’t know I was supposed to dress up for this. I look like a frump.”

Oh, for the good ol’ days of mutually known norms!

Let’s bring them back!

We’ll start with you and me. Then the rest of the world just might chose to join us once they experience how much more fun a party is when you don’t spend days trying to decide what to wear, and then the whole party wishing you had chosen something different.

Enough of that!

You know me; I’m about helping you shine while keeping it easy and gracious. With that in mind, I made a simple, savvy, keep-forever list for translating dress codes and knowing what to wear to look your best!

When different labels mean the same thing, I've listed them on the same line. They cover 99% of events and help you translate an invitation's dress code to know that you’re in tune with the host’s expectations and with what the other guests will be wearing.

Now you can relax and enjoy your party!

Six Labels Defined From Casual to Dressy

1. Casual: Most men's favorite! You can pretty much dress like you're going to the Florida vs. Georgia game! Shorts, jeans, tee-shirts, flip-flops, etc.Just keep in mind your hosts. If they tend to dress up more than down, you'll want to mirror that when you're getting dressed.

2. Semi-Casual/Business Casual: This label isn’t as causal as you think it might be. No denim for anyone. Blazers or sports coats for men are great, no shorts for men, no khakis for women, although they're fine for men.Keep in mind you don't want to wear anything you wouldn't wear to a traditional office on a day when you were going to be seeing clients or customers.3. Business: This is the most misunderstood label. Suits and ties for men, suits (either skirts or pants) for women, dress shoes, well accessorized.Depending on your field of work, this might be more formal than what you wear on a day-to-day basis. Think Donald Trump or any First Lady. Dress like you're interviewing for a six-figure job!

4. Semi-formal/Cocktail: For men: dark suits and white shirts, silk ties in more formal-looking patterns. For women: the classic little black dress or an outfit (skirt and blouse or pants and a blouse) of a silky, satin, or other light fabric, highest heels you can comfortably wear, sparkling jewelry. Usually no long dresses.

5. Formal/Black Tie: Go all out with all the sizzle you want, but keep in mind that understated usually makes the best statement. Dinner jacket (tuxedo) for men; long dress for women. Think walking the red carpet at the Oscars(R)!

6. White Tie: Something most of us will never see on our invitations. Requires men to wear a white bow tie and a white dinner jacket with tails. Ladies must wear a long dress with long white gloves. Think dining with the Queen at Buckingham Palace. Even the White House now hosts just one or two "White Tie" events each year. These evenings are usually to honor visiting dignitaries, the Pope, or the like.

A Quick McKee Family Update:

Hope you and your family are enjoying the start of the Christmas Season! I’m busy decorating the house and working hard on the curriculum and the Apple iPhone app I have coming out for you next year.

Are you on facebook? Come join our “Manners Matter” family! There are over 800 women who love spending a minute or two together each day enjoying a new tip! It’s loads of fun! You can find us at www.facebook.com/manners.mentor. Please join me! It will be more fun with you there!

I’ll be back next week with the Top Five Hostess Tips for Memory-Making Parties! See you then, and on facebook everyday!

Blessings,

Trick or Treat Manners for Kids and Grown-Ups!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:28:00 PDT

Greetings!

It’s always great connecting with you! I haven’t been around much lately, and I miss being with you! Where have I been hiding? No place exotic I’m sad to report. I’m in my home office writing a gigantic youth etiquette curriculum, adult etiquette books, a children’s book series, and even… an Apple iPhone app! Add in cooking, cleaning, and general mom duties, and well, honestly, even though I wake up and get working at 5:00 AM most days, there just isn’t a spare minute for blogging. Not that I’m complaining; I just don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten about you. That will never happen! I look forward to being back with you on a regular schedule as soon as I can!

Are you on Facebook? If so, you can connect with me daily. You’ll find me at my public page www.facebook.com/manners.mentor. There I give a super fast, super savvy, and super sincere tip of the day for interacting with ease and grace in all your encounters. It’s a fun conversation back and forth and in less than three months we have over 600 page family members. If you haven’t already, click over right now and join the fun!

Today’s post is actually a repeat from last year, but since Halloween is this week, I thought it was well worth repeating. Whether you participate in trick-or-treating or not, you'll enjoy these practical points. I've broken them into three parts:

Part One: Tips written in kid friendly-language to share with your children!

Part Two: Accompanying your children while they go door-to-door? You'll want all these tips for bringing out the best in your little ones as they stand on your neighbors' front porches!

Part Three: Staying home to give out candy to all the trick-or-treaters? These tips will help you make happy memories for all your little guests!

Candy, Costumes, and Camaraderie

The last few days have been full of pleading in the McKee home, all in anticipation of 90 minutes of candy gathering later this week. The event, of course, is Trick-or-Treat.

My six-year-old is pleading to have a "real" astronaut suit, not a costume. The eBay bid price on what my little guy considers a real suit was $52.99 and rising as quickly as a Delta Rocket.

My twelve-year-old is flustered trying to decide if he's too old to dress in costume, but just in case he decides to, he doesn't understand why I won't pay $68.99 for the latest Star Wars costume, which, by the way, looks to me, exactly like the one we bought him last year that still fits.

While we're careful in our family to steer clear of celebrating Halloween as a holiday, we do let our boys dress up and have their moment in the spotlight in front of their friends and neighbors, parading around in their costumes just like we did years ago.

This year, we'll follow the same plan as always. We'll host an early dinner at our house with some of the boys' friends, followed by an hour or so at a church Fall Festival, and back home by 7:15 PM for an hour of trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.

With input from my children, and my own mom observations, here's the Etiquette Answer that will make sure trick-or-treating is a treat for children, parents, and neighbors alike!

Part One: Trick-or-Treat Manners to Share with Your Children

(Written in child-friendly language!)

Always assume there's a one-piece limit on taking candy from the bowl.

Make a quick decision! If Mom or Dad can count to "seven" before the candy is in your bag, you're taking too long.

If you don't like the candy being offered, take a piece anyway, and say, "Thank-you!"

Don't say anything negative about the candy you're being offered, and don't ask if the people have anything else. You'll hurt their feelings.

Don't search through the candy bowl looking for "the good stuff." Take a piece from the top and move out of the way to make room for the next kids approaching the door.

Remember, no one reads your mind. Your neighbors don't know you appreciate their kindness unless you tell them. Look each person who gives you candy in the eye, smile, and say, "Thank you for the candy!"

Make sure your voice is loud enough for the person to hear you say, "Thank you."

As I told my son when he was six and "forgot" to say "Thank-you" at each house: If you're not old enough to remember to say "Thank-you" without being reminded, then maybe you're not old enough to go trick-or-treating.

If the front door light isn't on, or if the window blinds are closed, skip the house. A dark, closed house is the silent signal that the homeowner isn't going to be giving out candy this year.

Don't touch the decorations or play with anything on the front porch.

Knock or ring the doorbell once, twice at the most. After that, leave if no one comes to the door.

Even though you want to get from house to house quickly, stay on the sidewalk and driveways, and stay off people's grass, shrubs, and flowers. This is one way you show respect for others.

If you're going to go trick-or-treating, then you have to wear a costume. It's part of the tradition.

Part Two: Just for Mom and Dad

Don't carpool your children to another neighborhood unless a friend or relative lives there. People buy candy based on the amount used last year. A few minivans of unexpected children can cause the host to run out of candy in no time.

When escorting your children, keep your costume at home. It distracts from the little ones' spotlight.

The trick-or-treating hour is all too brief in the minds of our kids. It's fine to talk to the other adults walking with you, but keep chit-chat at the neighbors' doors to a minimum. Nothing is more frustrating that night to a nine-year-old than feeling he's being "slowed down" by Mom conducting a neighborhood association meeting.

Once your child is six or older and you're confident they're remembering their "Please" and "Thank-you," stay on the neighbor's driveway or the end of their sidewalk and shine your flashlight in the direction of their front door. It lets strangers know you're right there, and gives your children the illusion they're on their own. I read once that, "No one ever was scared by the Headless Horseman and his dad."

In the days leading up to candy night, role-play with your children on what to say and how to respond at the front door of neighbors' homes. They'll feel more confident on opening night if they've had several trial runs.

Once the door is opened, don't prompt your child about what to say. If they aren't quickly forthcoming with the "right" words, say something like this, "Zach's a little shy this evening. I'm sure he wants to say, 'Thank you very much for the candy.'" This reinforces for Zach the best thing to say, and the more he hears you say it and the kind responses you receive from saying it, the more verbal courage he'll gain to say it for himself.

Nothing's more awkward for the child, parent, or neighbor than a mom or dad at the front door echoing the refrain, "Brooke, what do say? Come on now we've practiced this. Brooke, I'm serious, you need to say, 'Thank you.'"

Don't take groups of more than five or six children out together. The larger the group, the louder and more rambunctious they tend to be, and the harder it is for the children to maneuver at the front doors. It's a good idea to break large groups of friends into two smaller ones, each visiting a different neighbor first, with a 90-second or so gap between the two groups.

Part Three: For Those Handing Out Candy at Home

Make it obvious that you're "Open for Business." Turn on all the lights in the front of your house, turn on the porch light, and open all your blinds.

Secure all pets in another room. You know that little Gizmo wouldn't hurt anyone, but the four-year-old at the door isn't so sure.

Don't dress in a costume yourself, especially a scary or gruesome one. Children expect the door to be opened by a friendly-looking grown-up, not a vampire.

If you don't participate in the night's festivities, that's fine. To avoid confusion, just make sure you're house is dark.

If you choose to take part in the night, do so with a smile. If it's a decision you've made, then it's not an imposition of your time or energy.

If it's OK for the children to take more than one piece of candy, tell them so. "Please take three pieces. I made sure I had plenty."

If you place the candy in the children's bags, don't just toss it in their direction.

It's hard for little ones to bend over in their masks.

Keep your front porch free of anything too spooky or easy for children to stumble over.

Don't comment negatively on a child's costume. Several years ago my son's little friend dressed as the ultimate Florida Gator's fan. At one neighbor's house, a man opened the door, and with a stern voice said, "I shouldn't give candy to someone in that horrible jersey. You need to choose the right team if you want candy from me." In shock, I held the hand of the little boy who was now scared and almost in tears. My husband then informed the man that the six-year-old was wearing a costume chosen for him, not by him, so perhaps he should take his complaint up with the boy's father. The man tossed a piece of candy into each of the boys' buckets and closed the door loudly without saying another word. As we walked down the driveway my son asked, "Mom, is that a bad man like the ones you tell us to look out for?" "Yes, sadly Sweetie, it is.” I replied.

When opening the door, pretend, at least for a moment, that you don't recognize the child. Let him or her know their costume is a great disguise. The last thing the "Darth Vader" at your front door wants to hear is, "Hi, Tyler! Tell you mom I said, 'Hello!'"

Most of all… have a great time! The years go by way too quick. Moms, before we know it, we’ll be holding our grandchildren’s hands, not our children’s anymore.

Now, if you eat any Kit-Kats, think of me, they’re my favorite candy!

Blessings,

Really Good News That's Hard to Believe!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 01:00:02 PDT

Greetings!

Hope you’re enjoying the first days of fall. Here in Orlando it doesn’t feel like the cool North Wind is ever going to blow us a kiss. For now, we remain stuck like a scratched record album repeating the same phrase over and over. Instead of lyrics, it’s hot, humid days that hang heavy in the air.

The up side is it helps us appreciate the change of seasons more. When Floridians experiences fall, we embrace it with the glee of being visited by a favorite friend or relative we don’t get to spend nearly enough time with.

What’s New Today?

I wanted to share some good news and an invitation! I also wanted to let you in on an upcoming post.

About two months ago, I started a little fan/public page on Facebook where I share a simple, savvy, sincere tip of the day. It’s a fun page to meet, chat with each other, and spend a moment together each day.

My goal was lofty. (It’s a fault I have. I never can seem to do anything on a small scale. It exasperates my poor family, and I am trying to be a little more scaled back.) I was hoping for 100 people to join the first month. I prayed hard.
The first day I started with 24 people. Who were they? My dearest friends who knew I might hunt them down to join (grin!) and my family who knew I would hunt them down to join (seriously!). 30 days later, I was so happy I was singing out loud, “Oh happy day….” I had surpassed my goal. 107 people had joined our manners family!

Then, the most amazing and wonderful thing began to happen! People from all over the nation started sharing the page with their friends. Soon, our family was growing by 100 people every two weeks or less! We’re not even three months old, and already we have almost 500 family members! For a manners anything, this has never happened!

Are you part of the family?

Come right on over and join! You don’t even need to be on Facebook to be part of the fun! In fact, we’re a large enough public page now that facebook granted us our own URL. You can always find me by typing www.facebook.com/manners.mentor.

Everyone likes their etiquette in small bites, and this daily tip is the perfect size. It’s so much fun! You’ll love the back-and-forth conversation. It’s a great page to share with your friends, family, employees, and co-workers who might enjoy and benefit from the etiquette tips but who might not have the time or desire for our longer blog posts. It’s a great introduction to the skills and benefits of etiquette!

About the blog… super fun!

Coming next week is the first of what I’m calling our “Golden Spoon” posts. Make sure to open it! Etiquette, entertaining, and cooking naturally go together. For the first time, I’m sharing one of my go-to recipes. This one is the perfect entrée for any dinner party. Make it and you’ll be the hostess with the mostess! (Although, it’s so simple and delicious I serve it for family dinners as well.)

Don’t miss today’s tip; join the manners Facebook family at www.facebook.com/manners.mentor and join me here next week for the first ever Golden Spoon Recipe.

You’re special to me!

I hope you know how much I appreciate you! I do what I do for you, and I’m honored that you carve out part of your busy day to spend time with me. It’s my prayer and desire that my posts will give you inspiration, confidence, and enthusiasm to make each day a gracious one!

It would be a joy to have you leave a comment. Each time you click over to the blog and leave a comment there or on the Facebook page, you help the blog grow and spread the message that “Manners Matter Every Day, Everywhere, with Everybody.”

Hugs and blessings,

Seven Ways to Text with Graciousness and Savvy

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:30:00 PDT

Greetings!

Texting etiquette hasn’t reached the heights of the tsunami of texts we send every day because no other technological form of communication has caught on so quickly. It’s easy to see why many have become so smitten.

Texting is the 21st century equivalent of passing a note in class!

It began with students who discovered that electronic notes are more direct and less anxiety-filled than tearing out a sheet of notebook paper, scribbling an “I’ve gotta tell you…” message, folding it securely, and hoping the teacher doesn’t catch you, or that others don’t read your note on its way around the room to your BFF four rows to your left in pre-algebra.

Usually what’s popular with tweens and teens is passé to grownups. Not this time. We might have balked at our kids at first; now we’ve joined them. Those of us over 30 didn’t vote or even hold a town hall meeting, but either through agreement or acquiescence, most of us have joined in. (Have you seen the new Verizon commerical where the teens are getting on to mom and dad for texting? I included it here for you to take a look at.)

Of course, texting in itself isn’t bad or good. It's in how we use it.

It’s kind of like a family of deer. Watching them graze leisurely in a meadow is a delight. Have them prancing full throttle through your living room equals disaster.

I text and I don’t plan to stop. Texting in a place where you’re not with anyone or bothering anyone is fine. However, texting around others or as part of multi-tasking often causes harm.

It’s in the less obvious ways than car crashes (We’re 93% more likely to crash if texting while driving.), or while walking, (a New York City area teen fell into a manhole while texting; luckily, she’s fine now) that texting hurts by depersonalizing our personal encounters.

With every text message sent or received in the presence of others around the family table, the living room sofa, the boardroom, or the grocery store check-out lane, we’re separating our focus from the person in front of us.

Our attention is a gift.

Our full attention is the foundation of every kindhearted, other-centered interaction. Texting alters the continuity, focus, and momentum of our encounters.

It produces anxiety (mild to severe) in the other person, and whether they’re telling you (or even aware of it themselves) or not, they’re attention is apt to desire to focus on someone who pays them back equally.

These are big matters.

If we’re not being careful, texting can hurt our family, our friendships, our business relationships, even our ability to govern.

A recent ruckus in the New York Senate halted agendas because one senator was angry at another for fiddling with his smart phone throughout a meeting.

A Yahoo Hot Jobs poll of 5300 people earlier this year found that 33% of associates admit to texting regularly during meetings. (If 33% admit to it, how many do you think really are doing it? Lot’s more, for sure.)

I’ll never forget, a couple of years ago I was teaching a second-grade class on car manners. When the lesson turned to riding to and from school, the children stunned me. One little guy started, “Mrs. McKee, I don’t talk to my mom on the way home from school. She talks to her friends on her phone. I just get to play my video games.” One after another, almost all 15 children shared how their moms and dads didn’t give them their focus in what should be precious one-on-one time.

The children felt their parents’ lack of attention. None of them ever told their moms it upset them. Each one simply conformed to his mom’s norm and mirrored her by turning to his own electronic gadget to fill the time.

They were alone together.

So what do we do at home, at work, and in our world at large to keep up with technology and to be purposely focused on those physically near us?

Well… first we make ourselves aware that we might be adapting to a new norm of lack of focus on others without even being aware of it.

Second, we stop.

Next, we set down new social standards (etiquettes) for ourselves, our families, and our businesses, for interacting with technology so that we use it to connect with those near us, not disconnect from them.

As I sat down and wrote my list of texting etiquette, I quick as a wink realized it was way too long for this post.

So, here I offer my top seven tips for keeping up with the Joneses while texting without becoming “the guy,” the one who lets technology get in the way of his face-to-face interactions.

Seven Golden Rules for Gracious Texting

1. Think of texts as preludes or follow-ups to conversation, not the conversation itself. Keep them short. More than 160 characters means that a phone call or e-mail is the better way to deliver your message.

2. It’s super easy for your tone to be misunderstood in a text, even more so than an in e-mail. That’s why texts are best left for mundane messages like, “I’m home safely!” or, “See you at 8:00 PM at your house.”

3. Texting while you’re with others is as rude as getting up and leaving them in mid-sentence. Just don’t do it! Also, don’t text in movies, church, meetings, class, or while at someone’s house. Even if your friends have left the area for a moment, or the movie, business meeting, or church service hasn’t started yet, be tuned in to the place you’re at as soon as you enter the area, even in the quiet moments and down time.

4. Texting is the most informal form of communicating. Usually, you don’t want to represent your business or organization or to relay important family news (unless everyone has agreed in advance) in a text message. Call or e-mail instead.

5. Don’t use text lingo and shorthand unless you’re positive (It’s really hard to be positive.) the recipient is fluent in the constantly emerging language of texting. One techno-savvy twenty-something wrongly assumed “LOL” meant “lots of love.” Poor girl, she was heartbroken and embarrassed when she found out the guy on the other end was being rude by “laughing out loud.” He wasn’t sending his love at all.

6. Don’t leave them guessing. If the recipient likely doesn’t have your cell phone number stored in their phone, make sure to let them know who you are before composing the rest of your text. For example: “Sarah (Kim’s mom from school)…”

7. Don’t send texts (or e-mails that go to smart phones) after bedtime. If the recipient forgot to turn their phone to silent before turning in for the night (like my husband has done twice in the last week!), you’ll wake people up at 3:00 AM by the beep of their phone alerting them they have a new message.

8. OK, I know, I said "7 Tips" but this one just has to be said again. Please, please, please, don't ever text, or read a text while driving! Maybe you haven't hurt yourself or anyone yet; but this just could be the time! Don't do it, ever!

Well there it is, like I said, it's just a start! Now it’s your turn!

Help write the chapter on texting etiquette. Comment back and include what you want the world to consider about keeping others first while texting. Feel free to share your texting stories. It just might help someone shine when facing the same dilemma in the midst of their everyday encounters!

A McKee Update!

You have been missed… a whole bunch! It feels good to be back. I kept busy this summer with the boys being home and with writing the giant youth etiquette curriculum that will be out in April or May! (Look for more details about how you can become a Manners Mentor® for ministry, profit, and fun in the weeks ahead!)

Now that my days are free, I’ll be back to blogging about once a week. Our next post will be something new. I’m going to share with you a favorite recipe. It’s what I call one of my collection of “Golden Spoon” go-to’s. I have a short-list of easy impressive dishes I turn to every time I entertain or need a perfect dish to bring to an event. I’m excited to share them with you in the coming months.

Also upcoming, I’ll share podcasts and video segments where I’ll sit and chat and we can learn from being together. So make yourself some coffee or tea and plan on joining me. It will be fun! Now, if I can just overcome my nervousness on the same day that my hair looks half-way decent I'll be set to go!

Are you on Facebook?

I have a new fan page where I share a super short, super savvy tip of the day! We just started and already have over 250 fans! I can hardly beleive it! Come join in the fun! In Facebook type in, “Maralee McKee Manners Mentor” to join the fan page! (You’re also welcome to friend me on my personal page.)

Right Now, come join me in the comment section!

Help write the chapter on texting etiquette for my book! What do you want the world to know?

I appreciate each of you. I hope you know that, but just in case you don’t, consider yourselves much loved!

Blessings!

Want to be Real and Polite? Here's How!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:00:03 PDT

Greetings!

You’ve been missed! I’m glad to be back!

Allow me to fill you in on all the latest in McKee Land!
(If you want to skip right to the etiquette part of this post, you’ll find the first bold blue title farther down the page.)

When I went on vacation last month, I didn’t think it would be so long until we chatted! One week, quick as a wink, turned into one month! Wow!

Summer + kids = Mommy has no time to form coherent sentences, let alone download them on the blog!

Plus, my boys have developed a strange physical condition along with their summer growth spurts: constant hunger! Take a look at my daily routine and see if you relate!

1. Wake up.

2. Let the dog outside.

3. Feed the boys.

4. Listen to my first chorus of, “Mom, I’m bored!” while I’m cleaning the breakfast dishes.

5. Get dressed, make the bed, and ask the boys to clean their room.

6. Answer e-mails and take care of a household task or two.

7. Listen to, “Mom, I’m hungry! When’s lunch?” (By the way, it’s only about 11:15 AM! How can they be so hungry already?!)

8. Fix lunch.

9. Clean up lunch while listening to the second chorus of our family anthem, “Mom, I’m bored!”

10. Say, “Mom needs to get a little work done.” Get the boys doing something constructive. OK, at least something semi-constructive! OK… I’m not above an episode or two of SpongeBob.

11. Fifteen minutes later hear, “Mom, I’m still bored. What else can I do?”

12. Give the boys chores. Boys disappear so they don’t have to do chores. This buys me 30 minutes. Yeah!

13. Boys start getting into snacks. So, I stop what I’m doing and fix them a healthy (OK, semi-healthy) alternative.

14. After their snack I ask them to stop playing video games and finish the chores I gave them earlier.

15. Get in about 45 minutes of work. (Wish they were young enough to still take naps!)

16. Hear, “Mom, I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?”

17. Look up and see that’s its 4:30 PM and time to start dinner.

18. About 5:45 PM, Kent, my husband, comes home. “Hi, Honey! That smells great, what’s for dinner? I’m hungry! By the way, did you get another chapter of your book written today?"

19. Remind myself that he’s being encouraging and simply smile and say, “Dinner’s ready! Let’s eat!”

20. Clean the kitchen, work on laundry, e-mails, and so on. Thank the Lord for a loving family, a home, healthy children and food to feed them! Go to sleep so I can do it again tomorrow!

Of course, none of that has anything to do with etiquette. It’s just that now that I’ve vented I can concentrate on more gracious matters!
I really have missed you!

Etiquette, yes! I’m back on track now!

Want to hear about something that happened to me that made me angry? Well… angry isn’t the right word. I guess I was more sad than angry.

Troy Schmidt, the fantastic screenwriter for the multi-million selling Hermie® DVDs (Note to Troy: You didn’t say it; I did, so it’s a compliment, not bragging!) and I have written a series of children’s books for ages 4-8 about a magical cat, Miss Eticat’s Guide to Purrfect Manners®! (Honestly, you have to think that’s the cutest title you’ve ever heard!)

Well… Our agent sent the first three manuscripts to a Christian publishing house. The editor liked the books! Great news!

Bottom line… she wouldn’t publish them.

Her reason, Moms, even Christian moms, she said, don’t care about manners. It’s a dead issue. Moms today don’t like authority figures. They aren’t going to want Miss Eticat showing their children how to act she explained.

Etiquette dead?!

Moms, don’t care?! Mom’s don’t teach or value kind interactions anymore?

So my fellow mom… is she right? Is that how you feel?
Has Miss Eticat lived her nine lives?

Are manners and the idea that we would purposely interact with kindness too gentle, others-centered, and archaic for our fast-paced, in-your-face, survive-or-be-thrown-off-the-island society?

It’s a sad but increasingly common belief.

Many view manners as a mask that hide impulses and ill passions. They reason that they make a show of virtues not really existing in the heart. They equate manners with hypocrisy.

Sadly, examples are easy to find. The polished family-values politician caught in an affair. The gracious used car salesman who shakes your hand and sells you what he knows is a lemon. The friendly husband and father publically extolled by church and community who privately abuses his family. All outwardly well-mannered; inwardly, all false to the core.

In that case, is being “real” even if our real selves are crude, self-centered, and cruel, better virtue than “false” manners?

Here’s the common confusion and the answer. Etiquette and manners are two different things. They tend to be lumped together. To be understood, they must be separated.

What are manners?

Manners are the language of our truest self. Their foundation is anchored in our heart. They can't be faked.

Kind manners are our regard for the feelings and comfort of others. Manners are the hidden fruit that our spirit yields. Hopefully it includes a healthy crop of kindness, gentleness, self-control, patience… the list continues.

Don’t be fooled; when expressed properly, manners never cause us to become a doormat. Instead, we’re a beacon in an unsteady world.

Those who doubt that anyone is truly kind mannered think it’s too much trouble and hard work themselves. They label it “false” or “put-on” and mock its benefits. They’re right in one way. It requires continuous effort.
It’s a virtue, and like any virtue it’s never too late to acquire it for ourselves.

How to add a virtue? First prayerfully desire it; second practice it until it becomes the rule instead of the exception in your interactions. Once grounded in your heart, it becomes an attribute and no longer a mask.

What is etiquette?

Etiquette comes from outside of us and changes by century, nation, and situation. It’s written in sand not stone. It’s never outdated because it continually evolves to meet the needs and sensibilities of the current generation. (That’s why I research and write all that I do for you and me!)

What is the value and importance of etiquette?

It’s our ticket to interacting with ease, graciousness, and confidence. It’s the vehicle that delivers the unseen fruit of our spirit (our good manners) in our interactions.

To be more than window dressing in our lives, it must be expressed in the words we say and the things we do every day, everywhere with everybody! It's not meant to be saved up to impress certain certain people or show off at special events.

Examples of incorporating etiquette in our daily interactions include writing thank you notes, saying, “Excuse me, please!” when we reach in front of someone, wishing the person on the other end of the phone a great day… and meaning it, responding promptly when someone sends you an invitation so they’re not left wondering if they should prepare for you or not, knowing when to stand and when to sit.

The list goes on and on. In fact when compiled it’s called an “Etiquette Book,” or in our case, an “Etiquette Blog!”

It’s meant to please ourselves and others. It's the outward expression of our inward kindness.

Etiquette is the "form" our manners take.

Form matters… a lot!

Ask a successful CEO, athlete, singer, or chef; they’ll agree. There’s always “best practices” and room for improvement. That’s why Tiger Woods doesn't have one golf coach… he has three!

What happened to our collective good manners?

In the last decades, through the turbulent sixties, the feel-good, me-first seventies, the Brat Pack questioning of the eighties (I saw all those movies in junior high and high school!), the lavish spending of the nineties, and now with the uncertainties and fear brought on by terrorism and economic recession of this decade, our society (Maybe not me and you so much!) have made a slow trade.

We've traded our good manners for an "edge."

The rougher, more raw and more real the edge the better. Some reason that it helps them belong to and at the same time protects them from our harsh and crude culture. What it really does is bruise us and those we encounter. It is the smoothness of manners that blunts the edges and polishes the whole of our interactions.

There were hypocrites in biblical times, there are today, there will always be. Don’t let them dismay us from cultivating the virtue of kindness in ourselves and our children, and expressing it through etiquette in every encounter with the form of an ambassador.

An ambassador for ourselves, our family, our church, and the services or organizations we represent.

Etiquette dead? No way!

Moms we don't tend to roll over and give up when the times are harsh, do we? What we need now more than ever is an extra dose of kind manners and etiquette! For ourselves, and for our children!

Will You Do Me a Favor?

I miss hearing from you!

Hop over to the blog right now and leave a comment. Let the world know you value manners and etiquette! Are good manners dead? Do moms care? Would you welcome a fun, funny, wise, and loving mentor like Miss Eticat on your child's bookshelf? (http://www.mannersmentorblog.com/)

See you soon with a post on texting. I’m using it more than I thought I would! If you are too, then you’ll enjoy this one. “Five Things You Want to Know and Do When Texting.” It’s going to be fun and informative!

I value and appreciate each of you! You're the greatest and I love connecting with you. I could sure use some more readers. We have a big etiquette message to deliver to the world. Please forward my blog to your friends and loved ones!

PS: A special thank you and a giant hug to Ms. Christy Jordan and Mr. Bill Gent—two beacons of graciousness, kindness, and encouragement in the world at large and especially in my world! I appreciate you both so very much!

Blessings,

Manners Mentor Five Sandwich Etiquette Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:43:05 PDT

Greetings!

Summer has officially blown Florida a fiery kiss. The temperature is hot, and the humidity is high. At the end of a sweltering day, I’m often not in the mood for a heavy dinner. On those evenings, a sandwich is just what I’m craving.

Two pieces of bread and a yummy filling! Seems easy enough to manage, but sometimes they can be a handful in more ways than one!

Sandwich Eating Helps to the rescue!

A dribble here and there isn’t a concern when you’re eating with your family on the back porch, but put yourself at a business lunch or a ladies luncheon and all of a sudden you think, “OK, I’m making a mess and seeming clueless.” Not a good feeling when you want to impress, or at least not seem like a sandwich is getting the best of your dining abilities.

I’ve been there with you wiping mayo and sweet pickle relish off my chin! Then I picked up a few sandwich eating how-to’s that make eating one a breeze, just like the one I hope for every hot, humid Florida evening.

Here are the five sandwich etiquette tips you’ll use all the time!

(After the etiquette tips is a bit about where my family and I will be as you read this post!)

1. Club Sandwiches: It’s nice to get your money’s worth when you order a sandwich, but when it’s too big to fit into the mouth of the Jolly Green Giant, it’s hard to manage at all, let alone gracefully.

Here’s your secret: Remove the toothpick from the first sandwich wedge. Next, remove the top piece of bread and place it on the side of your plate. If you want to use your knife to wipe some of the mayo from the piece of bread onto the sandwich filling, that’s OK. Just don’t draw attention by being at it all day! :)

Now, you’ve just turned your finger food into silverware ready food! Use your knife and fork to easily eat the sandwich. Cut and eat one bite at a time. Very classy, very savvy, very smart!

If you want, you can eat the top piece of bread with your fingers when you’ve finished your sandwich. But, unless you’re just really hungry, or really concerned with wasting, you’re better off to leave it uneaten.

2. Hamburgers: Unless you’re eating one in a fast food restaurant or it’s small, cut it in half before eating it with your hands. Sometimes you might even need to cut the sandwich into fourths, but start out by trying to manage a half. Also, you can use your fork to remove some of the tomatoes, onions, pickles, etc. that might be making the sandwich too hard to handle. Place those on the side of your plate and then eat them with your knife and fork.

3. Sub Sandwiches: It’s best to cut them in half before eating. Especially hot sub sandwiches like meatball or Philly cheese steak (Yum, on both accounts!). If they’re still a mess when you cut them in half, these can be eaten with a knife and fork.

4. Hot Open-faced Sandwiches: This one is easy. Always use a knife and fork, and cut just one bite at a time.

5. Tea Sandwiches: Even the name makes me feel restful and refined! Every lady enjoys a good tea sandwich! (Curry orange chicken is my favorite! Remind me, and I’ll share the recipe in an upcoming post. You’ll love it!) Usually, tea sandwiches, no matter how formal the gathering or setting, are finger foods. The possible exception: if the sandwich is served open-faced and there is a knife and fork at your place. Then you can use it to cut and eat the sandwich. Normally, I won’t because they just aren’t likely to make a mess.

6. One Extra Tip! I know--I said five, but I just remembered this great one and wanted you to have it! In a casual gathering, it’s fine to put your condiments straight from the container onto your sandwich or burger. At a business meal or more formal gathering, first place the condiment on the side of your plate, then use your knife to transfer it to your sandwich. Why? It shows you follow procedures (a great asset in an employee!) and you pay attention to detail (a great asset in a friend!).

Now, about my week!

Usually, when you’re reading my latest post I’m at home typing away writing my etiquette curriculum or your next post. Not today! Right now, I’m in Lawrenceville, Georgia on a quick trip around the state.

We’re visiting friends and some of my husband’s clients (they’re friends now, too!) in Macon, Athens (Go Bull Dawgs!), Lawrenceville, Stone Mountain, and hopefully Savannah! I’m looking forward to every minute of our family time together.

Well, everything except trying to get my youngest out of the hotel swimming pool every evening. (“Please, Mommy, just four more minutes!”) We don’t have a pool at our house, so going swimming is an extra special treat for him. It’s so fun that coaxing him out of the pool is our own Battle of Waterloo.

What I do look forward to is spending our time in the same car and room for 24 hours a day. (OK, about day three I reserve the right to amend that last sentence!) But you get my drift; my little ones are growing and now they’re excited about hotel swimming pools, fried peach pies from our favorite orchard stand, shopping at the mall of Georgia, fishing in a trout pond, and eating at Paula Deen’s Restaurant in Savannah.

These days are fleeting. I plan to hang on with the grip of life to every second! Even the “Mom, I don’t want to get out of the pool yet!” and the “Can I watch Madagascar Two again (for the seventh time) on the mini-van DVD?”

It sure beats the conversation that will occur on vacation in about ten years when the boys are in college.

Me, after about 15 miles of silence, to Kent, my sweet husband, “I wonder how Marc and Corbett are today? Remember when we used to come up here with them, and they ate so many fried peach pies that we thought we were going to have to pull over because Corbett was going to be sick?”

Cherish today! Despite its frustrations, the day you make the memory is sweeter than the day you remember it!

I’ll be back next week! I have a new camera and I’m going to try to take some pictures for you!

I’ll think of you as I eat my peach pies!

If this is your first visit, welcome! Join me by adding your e-mail address now in the box near the top right of the page. It will be a joy to have you as part of our great, gracious family!

Blessings,

Manners Mentor Vacation Tipping Etiquette

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:15:00 PDT

Greetings!

Planning any trips this summer? You might be surprised by the etiquette of vacation tipping. There are more people than most of us realize to show gratitude to both in word (“Thank you for carrying my bags!”) and in action (giving a tip)!

I’ve put together a simple, savvy vacation tipping etiquette guide so you’ll know who to tip and how much.

Now, this handy dandy list isn’t for you lucky world travelers. The etiquette of tipping varies nation by nation. In some parts of the world, a tip is actually considered an insult.

This is for all of us who are shorter on funds than usual this year and are loading up the mini-van or heading out on Budget Airlines R Us to enjoy a little R&R with our families in the nifty fifty states.

While the virtue of thriftiness is honorable on our part, when passed along at someone else’s expense it morphs into its ugly stepsister, “stinginess.”

The reality of our finances this year might force us to lower the star count of the hotel we choose. We might eat meals at chain restaurants instead of top picks of the Mobile® Travel Guide. These are practical steps; however, not appropriately tipping those who are providing for our comfort isn’t a budget option of the gracious and grateful.

In a time when fewer people are traveling, our tips count more than ever to those who not only serve us but also depend on our generosity for their livelihood.

Your Go-To List for Vacation Tipping Etiquette!

Airports:

• Curbside check-in: $1.00 per bag. It’s nice to tip up for the convenience of this service. If you have three bags, tip $5.00. More bags, tip up proportionally.

• Shuttle driver from the terminal to the rental car agency or offsite parking: $1.00 per person, more if he or she helped load your bags.

• Taxi: 15% of the fare, more if he’s helpful with bags. Never less than $1.00 even for short rides.

Hotels:

• Doorman: No tip required for opening the door. Tip $1.00 for hailing you a cab, more if he did so in bad weather.

• Bellman: $1.00 per bag plus extra if he brings you ice or provides you with information about your hotel or the local area.

• Concierge: No tip is required for general hotel information like, “What time is breakfast served until?” You do tip for any special service such as making outside reservations, providing printed directions, reserving a car, booking a sightseeing tour, etc. How much to tip depends widely: $2.00 for printed directions up to $20 or more for making special arrangements.

• In-room Dining: A service charge will be added to your bill, but that goes to the hotel, not usually to the person delivering your meal. Add at least 10%, not less than $3.00.

• Hotel Dining Room: The same tipping traditions apply as in any restaurant.

• Maid: This is the most overlooked and little-known tip in all of tip land! When staying for more than one night, tip at least $1.00 per day, per person. This is a perfect time to tip up! (Leave $5.00 for three people.) Place the tip each morning on the desk with a note that says, “For our Maid” so she knows it’s hers. I always write a short thank-you. Something like, “Good morning! Thank you for the joy of coming back to a clean room each day! We appreciate your work on our behalf!” I have had maids run down the hall to thank us, not to mention extra chocolates on our pillows.:) It’s a perfect way to express your gratitude to someone who works hard for little money or recognition.

Tour Guides:

• Taking a quick city tour to learn the local lore? Lucky you! Make sure to thank your guide. About $3.00 to $5.00 per person (no need to include babies and toddlers) is a good average.

Well, there’s the start of our list! Who else should we add? Comment and join the conversation! Also, share any budget-friendly and family-friendly vacation spots you know and love.

I’ll mostly be enjoying a staycation this summer. If you’re traveling, I wish you a safe and joy-filled journey!

There are a lot of new subscribers this week. Welcome! I look forward to getting to know you!

Thank you to my blog mentor, Christy Jordan of www.SouthernPlate.com, once again for spreading the word! (She has the BEST cooking blog on the planet!)

If this is your first visit and you don’t subscribe yet, please join right now! Type in your e-mail address in the box near the top right of the page and join me!

We’ll chat soon!

Blessings,

Does the Host Always Pick up the Tab?

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 20 May 2009 04:21:30 PDT

Hello!

Wow, Wednesday already! Is it really? Why is it that my Monday to-do list isn’t quite finished and it’s already mid-week? Is it just me (can’t be!), or are your to-do lists also seeming longer these days, too?

Before we jump into our Wednesday’s reader question, I want to share two updates!

Next week both my boys have end-of-year activities, and then Friday is their last day of school. I can’t have them watching TV all day while I sit type, type, typing away in my home office!

New Summer Schedule

So… for the summer, I’ll be cutting back on the blog. You’ll still receive simple, savvy, sincere tips for shining in your everyday interactions! You know I’d never leave you! I’ll drop by about once a week or so while the boys are home. I know you understand! With summertime activities on your plate and mine, we all tend to spend less time on the computer until the school bell rings again in the fall!

By the way, I’ll be on Orlando’s Positive Hits Z88.3 FM this Thursday morning from 8:00 – 9:00 AM EDT sharing everything you want to know about the ins-and-outs of graduation! Tune in and join me! You can listen live online from anywhere!

Extra Exciting News for Me and Hopefully for You, Too!

Here’s the short story! I’ve been teaching etiquette for about ten years. I first started with a curriculum program that I bought. As a mom, I quickly realized that while it was a fantastic starting point, it didn’t teach all the skills that matter the most to me as a mom, and to the other moms I talked to. It needed expanding!

With my five plus years on radio, three years on TV, and hundreds of speaking engagements, I had talked and talked and talked to thousands of people and gathered hundreds of questions. This fantastic and unique experience gave me the pulse of the skills we want our children to know so they can shine on their own!

Years ago I stopped using the initial curriculum I had bought, and I started writing and using my own. A local TV report was picked up by NBC news stations nationally and my modern manners course was called, “…The ONE class that could change your child’s life!”

I was so honored. I still am!

It was then that I knew I wanted to (have to!) professionally design and write the curriculum I had created. I want all our children to have the opportunity to learn these skills, and I want to gift other moms with the ability to expand their horizons!

How You Benefit

It took me years, and now I’ve assembled a dream team of creative, sought-after writers, artists, graphic designers, etc. to work with me in creating the best, most memory-making, extensive, fun, engaging, attractive, appealing etiquette program ever developed!

There is nothing, and will never be, anything like this!

In the months ahead I’ll be choosing a limited number of women to begin their own businesses as Manners Mentors®©!

If you’d like the potential to make excellent part-time income, expand your horizons, begin or broaden your ministry, impact the lives of your children, other children, and their families, and become the local expert in your hometown by becoming a Manners Mentor®©, then this might be the opportunity you’ve been praying for.

Become a Manners Mentor®©

Not everyone who wants to buy the program will be able to. I’ll hand choose the Manners Mentors®©. They’ll be ladies I feel will be successful with the program, represent it and me well, and who will positively impact the lives of their students as they mentor them throughout their childhood and teen years.

Because we are limiting the number of mentors (We hope you have a thriving, profitable business with waiting lists of people wanting to take your classes!) and because this is the most extensive and most reasonably priced etiquette business program available (I believe in giving you much more than you expect!), we believe this opportunity will sell out quickly!

I wanted to let you know now so this summer you can begin considering if being one of my Manners Mentors®© is something you’d like to add to your list of life achievements!

Your Next Step

In a month or so, the website will be up with all the details. I wanted you to have the first opportunity! If you want to be included, e-mail me at Maralee@MannersMentorBlog.com and I’ll add you to the list of potential mentors. I can’t answer your questions now because I’m still putting final details together.

I’ll contact you via e-mail with all the details when the time comes. (Sorry, I believe our Orlando market is already spoken for by ladies who contacted me when I briefly mentioned it in my former newsletter. However, other Florida markets and all other states are currently available.)

Just think—this time next year, you could own your own business and be earning excellent part-time income as part of a wonderful ministry. I’m excited with you and for you!

On to Etiquette…

Does a Host Always Have to Pick Up the Tab?

Can you invite people to a party and then ask them to pay their share? It’s a question I get a lot. In today’s economy, not many of us can afford to entertain the way we’d like to, so the question is a great one. With changes in budgets come changes in the way we celebrate. What doesn’t change is the standard of host as provider and guest as receiver.

Dear Maralee,

I’m planning a weekend away for my husband’s birthday next month at a resort about 60 miles from our home. On Saturday night I’d like to invite the six couples in our home group to join us for a surprise dinner party. Would I be expected to pay for everyone’s meal? If so, I can only afford to invite two of the couples. How can I invite them without hurting the feelings of the other couples?

Your weekend away sounds like you’re planning a wonderful birthday celebration for your husband! By definition of the words host and hostess, it’s your duty and privilege to provide food for each of your guests. This means you will need to pick up the tab for all six couples.

That sounds expensive, so perhaps you could alter your plans a little and still have a wonderful celebration for your sweetie!

Since the resort is 60 miles away, it might not be the best place to hold his surprise dinner. You’re staying all weekend, but you’re asking your guests to drive 120 miles round trip in just one evening. That’s a long way, and their comfort and convenience are important.

Your idea of inviting only two couples and picking up their tab is risky, and I just wouldn’t suggest it. Home groups are intimate gatherings. If word of the party got out, feelings could easily be hurt. Also, you don’t want to put the two couples you invite into the awkward position of keeping a secret; that’s never comfortable or advisable.

Why not let everyone celebrate by hosting a surprise, yet hassle-free, dessert party for your husband’s birthday one evening at home? This way everyone is included, and you can concentrate completely on each other during your weekend together at the resort!

Each year when I ask my husband what he wants for his birthday, he always gives me the same answer. (It’s a joke between us now!) Maybe your husband feels the same way about spending money on his birthday. Here’s how our conversation goes--

Me: “Hon, you know, it’s only about two more weeks ‘til your birthday! Think, what is it you want? What gift will make your birthday extra special?”

Kent: “My favorite gift of all time, of course!”

Me, in a teasing voice: “And that would be…”

Kent, in a pretend somber voice: “Our money kept out of the mall and in our bank account!”

With our new summer schedule, I won’t be with you until next week sometime. See you then! Send me an e-mail or comment so we can stay in touch!

If you’re new, please enter your e-mail address in the box at the top right of the page so you’ll get our next issue!

Be with you soon!

Blessings,

Does a Graduation Announcement or Invitation Mean a Gift is Called For? Maybe Not

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Sun, 17 May 2009 23:15:00 PDT

Greetings and Happy Monday!

A surprise arrived in my mail; it was a high school graduation announcement from a precious young lady. I remember the day she was born! I also remember her attending one of my children’s etiquette courses when she was no more than eight or nine. I held her announcement in disbelief.

I keep thinking, “It just can’t be that she grew up that quickly.” If you have a child who’s already graduated, you’ll know much better than I, but the TV commercial is right, isn’t it? “Life comes at you fast!”

In My Family

We love counting down the days until our next celebration! To help I downloaded a clock application to our computer home screen. I input the date and we (especially the boys!) enjoy seeing how many days it is until the big event. “Four more days until I turn 7, Mommy,” Corbett announced excitedly as he ran to me recently after he looked at the clock. Now that his birthday is past, we’re counting down the days until Marc’s birthday. This year he turns 13.

Today the clock reads, “77 Days until Marc Becomes a Teenager!” All the other countdowns I’ve anticipated with joy; this one I look at with an odd avoidance. Kind of the way I pass a dead bug in the house. I know it’s there, but I cringe with apprehension about having to deal with it. I can’t come to terms with the fact that his childhood is speeding to the end.

52 Hours of Labor

Marc’s birth was biblical in its intensity. It took me 52 hours of hard labor to bring that boy into the world. By hour 35 I was unable to feel anything but dread of another moment of the pain, and yet at any instant I can transport myself back to the very moment at the end of hour 52 when the doctor said, “One more push, Maralee. One more push! Try this time as hard as you can and it will be over.”

New power came from within me; I gave all I had. At that exact moment I heard his first baby gurgle. Odd, the doctor had said, “One more push and it will all be over.” She should have said, “One more push… and it will all begin.”

For the life of me, it couldn’t be… hasn’t been… almost 13 years since that instant. Now, there’s just 77 childhood days remaining. I shouldn’t cry over it; I should rejoice for this new chapter he’ll enter. I’m just not there yet. I don’t want to lose my little boy.

Commence=To Begin

If you think about it, there’s a good reason why a graduation ceremony is officially called a “commencement.” It’s the recognition of a new day full of brand new possibilities. No wonder it’s celebrated by students, their parents, and loved ones. A beginning full of possibilities needs celebrating. It helps dry the tears of the passing of the former stage.

Monday Morning Mentoring

If you have a graduate in your house, or, like me, receive an announcement, here are eleven great tips for how you can join in celebrating the new beginning with ease, sincerity, and graciousness!

1. Believe it or not, a gift isn’t required if you receive a graduation announcement. Announcements are simply the family’s way of “announcing” the news to the people in their circle.

2. While a gift isn’t required, you can certainly send one if you’d like. A card of congratulations and best wishes is always appropriate to send in reply to the announcement.

3. If your son or daughter is graduating, here’s something to keep in mind. Because so many people believe they “should” send a gift to the graduate when they receive an announcement, it’s gracious to limit sending them to relatives and those you’re in regular contact with. Here are two ways to help decide if you should send someone an announcement:

• If you send holiday cards and wouldn’t normally send one to this particular person one, then you wouldn’t send him or her a graduation announcement.

• You wouldn’t send a graduation announcement to anyone that the graduate wouldn’t recognize in person. They’re sent to most family members, but to those outside of the family, they’re only sent to people the graduate also knows, not to someone who has a relationship exclusively with the parents of the graduate.

4. If you know of someone who is graduating and you didn’t receive an announcement, you can still send a card or gift. I’m sure the graduate and his or her family will be honored and happily surprised.

5. If you attend a commencement ceremony or party, then you’ll want to bring a gift. You can bring it with you or have it delivered to the graduate’s home prior to the party.

6. Often graduates attend several parties in one night since their friends are all graduating with them. This is the one time when the guest of honor isn’t expected to spend the whole evening at his or her own party. Guests should arrive early to see the graduate before he or she leaves for the next celebration. The graduate should stay for the first 45 minutes to one hour of his or her own party to welcome all the guests.

7. Have the graduate send handwritten thank-you notes within two weeks of receiving a gift. Why handwritten? (You know your graduate is probably going to ask you why he or she can’t just e-mail or text their thanks.) It takes extra effort to choose, purchase, and wrap a gift. The little extra effort it takes to handwrite the note is giving equal honor to their gift, even if the gift was cash or a gift card.

8. Party decorations can be anything, but it’s nice when they focus on the next stage of the graduate’s life. Going off to the University of Georgia this fall? (Go Dawgs!!) Then decorate in the school colors—and don’t forget your cardboard cutouts of Uga the Bulldog!

9. Invitations to graduation parties are sent at least two weeks in advance. Invitations to the ceremony are sent up to six weeks in advance, especially to anyone who is traveling from more than 100 miles away.

10. Graduation announcements are mailed anytime between the day after and two weeks following the graduation. Why after? They’re informing your inner circle that you did graduate, not that you’re about to graduate.

11. One last tip for graduates: Do not register for gifts! Leave that for weddings and babies. As your manners mentor, I just have to tell you, it’s really tacky at this stage when Mom and Dad are still supposed to supply for your needs. When it comes to gifts, take what people give you with delight and don’t ask for things!

The most important etiquette of all: have fun and celebrate!

Now for all us moms: whether our children are graduating from kindergarten, high school, or college, as a dear friend said to me recently, "Dry your tears and be glad you’re the age you are, and your children are the age they are. In ten years, you’ll look back and do anything to be at this age and stage again!" I have some very wise friends. Thank you, Jane Horn!

I’m off to buy that graduation present this morning! I’ll see you on Wednesday for Reader Q & A. You’ll find out when your guest can chip in and help pay for a party and when you need to pay for everything!

Just a note: Summer is around the corner and I have lots of end-of-school activities for my boys and things around the house to reorganize before they’re home every day. In the next week or two you might not hear from me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Plus, we might be taking a couple of short trips this summer. I know you understand! And that you know I’ll be back quick as I can!

If you’re new, thank you so much for stopping by! Take a moment and join me by entering your e-mail address in the box at the top right of the page!

See you Wednesday!

Blessings,

Cut, Twirl, or Spoon? Fun Spaghetti Etquette!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:15:00 PDT

Greetings and Happy Friday!

I hope you have plans this weekend that will make it extra memorable for you!

My family isn’t much on vigorous entertainment. Any sweat-producing activity won’t likely appear on our weekend radars. However, passive, air-conditioned entertainment is right up our ally!

Several months ago our DVD player broke. With all the writing I’m currently doing on my books and curriculum (your blog, too!), I’m not beyond TV as babysitter doing summer break. Saying to my sons, “OK boys, why don’t you watch Madagascar 2 while mom finishes chapter 2” will sound like a great idea after they start their third chorus of “Mom, we’re bored!” on the second day of summer vacation.

I have to laugh; Kent, my husband, gets laser focused when it comes to buying new technology. With the same adrenalin rush sense of survival that drove our paternal ancestors to leave their huts and caves to hunt down food for their families, Kent seeks out our audio-video equipment—not in the great prairies and plains of old, but in the giant aisles of Costco. (Do you know anyone just like him?) Wednesday, he returned home triumphantly with the object of his hunt held tightly in his grasp. His well-hunted prey? A Blu-ray® DVD player.

“How much did it cost?” I aksed in a disbelieving voice, looking at the receipt. “I thought DVD players were about $49 these days.” Kent insists every penny spent is well worth it because the high definition TV he bought last year is “wasted” without the technological advancement of the Blu-ray®. Tonight we’re watching our first movie. “Wasted” without Blu-ray®? I’ll let you know!

Friday’s Quick Tip

The weekend makes me think of food! Spaghetti (my youngest son’s favorite) is something I serve a lot. When I teach corporate etiquette classes and dinners, the question “How do I eat spaghetti without looking like a mess?” always comes up. It’s a popular topic, so here’s your quick tip guide for eating this carb delight.

I have to admit, it’s not an easy food to handle graciously. If you’re at a need-to-impress meal, I’d pass on the spaghetti and stick with ziti or some other more undemanding cut of pasta!

Can I use a spoon to help twirl the pasta with my fork? It depends! If you’re at home, of course! If you’re at a restaurant or someone else’s home, only use a spoon if one is served on the plate with the spaghetti; don’t ask for one. Why? Do you know the comedian Jeff Foxworthy and his famous “You might be a redneck if…” jokes? In some parts of Italy spoons are fine, and in other parts of Italy, well…“You might be a redneck if you use a spoon to twirl your pasta.” It’s a whole Northern Italy vs. Southern Italy custom.

What do I do if I don’t have a spoon to help twirl the pasta? It’s hard to maneuver, but your goal is to use your fork to separate a few strands from the rest. Then, twirl those around your fork, being careful not to have any dangling spaghetti as you put the fork in your mouth.

Can I cut the spaghetti? Technically it’s not correct. Again, you wouldn’t want to do it at a need-to-impress event. At my house, absolutely, cut away! In fact, I always break mine into two before I boil it just to make it easier for my boys to eat.

What about eating the meatball? Cut just one piece of the meatball at a time for each bite; don’t cut the whole thing at once. You can use the side of your fork to cut the meatball if it’s small. For larger ones, definitely use your knife and fork. Make sure to pierce the fork well into the meatball, otherwise it’s liable to roll off the plate, and, following Murphy’s Law, it will land exactly on whatever item it will stain the most!

It’s graduation season! Have you received any invitations or announcements? If so, join me Monday. It’s all about graduation! Also, if you have any etiquette questions on any topic, you know you can always send them my way.
Keep in touch and have a fantastic weekend! See you Monday!

Blessings,

The Number One Etiquette Violation! Are You Guilty, Too?

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 13 May 2009 03:46:58 PDT

Hello!

It’s great to connect with you today. Thank you, as always, for dropping by! Of course, it’s Wednesday, so that means Reader Q & A!

Today’s question is one you and I relate to. In fact, when I meet someone and they find out what line of work I’m in, they always want to talk about this topic first! It’s something that is so easy to do, yet no one seems to do it. The lack of it frustrates us, confounds us, and even makes us mad sometimes.

Odd thing is, everyone complains about it! This means a lot of us are annoyed that people don’t do it to us, but yet we must not be showing them the love in reverse either.

Have you guessed what this violation of graciousness and consideration is? It’s failing to RSVP!

Take a quick look at our friend’s letter and see if you agree with her. I do!

Speaking of parties, I attended a lovely one last night at the home of a dear friend. Food, fun, friends, and a few (a few too many my husband said!) new kitchen gizmos. I enjoyed every minute of it! Thank you, Alana!

A Question We All Want to Know the Answer To!

Q. Dear Maralee,

People not responding to my invitations frustrate me. What is the etiquette of RSVP? Should I write on the invitation ”Regrets only,” or should people call to let me know either way? The upside to all of this is that my frustration has caused me to be much more aware of responding to the invitations I receive.

A. I’m with you! People’s insensitivity and rudeness to the efforts of someone extending hospitability to them is a top etiquette irk of mine. It’s also the number one etiquette complaint that participants share with me during my seminars and consultations.

RSVP translates loosely “Please Respond.” It means we need to let the person who invited us know if we’re attending or not.

How quickly should we respond? Within 24 hours.

Wow that’s fast, Maralee! What’s the hurry? Well, a prompt response signals that you’re excited to be included in the event. You can think of it this way. If I held up a $100 bill and asked if you wanted it or not, I doubt if you would wait two weeks (or forget completely!) to let me know if you would like to accept. Instead, you would very quickly probably say, “Thank you, Maralee! I’d love to accept!” That’s the same enthusiasm and quickness that is nice of us to show when responding to invitations.

Some invitations will list an RSVP by date as a desperate attempt to get the guest to reply. Please respond long before the date. Not doing so sends a signal that you’re waiting to make up your mind because the event doesn’t thrill you on first thought!

What if you don’t know if your schedule is going to allow you to attend? Go ahead and call the host to acknowledge his or her invitation the day you receive it. Then ask if it would be an imposition if you waited to respond until you know if you’re able to participate.

Do I have to respond to every invitation? What about for parties that aren’t really celebrations; their ultimate purpose is in hopes that I’ll buy something being sold? Yes, even these should receive your RSVP within 24 hours. Normally, sales solicitations don’t need to be responded to, but since these are being held in your friend’s home, it’s gracious to let her know if she should set out a chair, provide refreshments, and purchase paper goods just for you!

What about writing “Regrets Only” on your invitation? People are no better at telling you they’re not attending than they are at letting you know they’re planning to join you. So, you won’t get a better count asking for “Regrets Only.” “Regrets Only” is reserved for huge invitation lists (fundraisers, events hosted by large corporations, etc.) where one person would be overwhelmed by the amount of correspondence it would take to keep track of who is and isn’t coming. For events with less than 250 – 500 attendees, the standard RSVP applies.

What do I do about the people who don’t RSVP? As the date approaches and you need to know how many people to plan for, it’s fine to call your guests. Script your conversation something like this: “Debbie, I’m making the final arrangements for dinner on the 25th. I hope you and Doug received the invitation we sent you about two weeks ago, and that you’ll be able to join us.” When you say it nicely, you’ll get your reply, and the opportunity to share a subtle reminder of the social contract between a host and a guest.

Special Grace Note
When a friend RSVP’s and shares that she can’t attend, bite your tongue to avoid asking her, “Why?” There could be a million reasons, and half a million of them she might not want to share! Asking, “Why?” might seem like you’re showing concern, but by doing so, you could put her in the position of feeling like she needs to tell a white lie.

If your friend says she can’t attend and doesn’t offer an explanation, the most gracious thing to say is, “You’ll be missed!” That’s always a good place to leave it!

Now, for those of you who pick up the phone to RSVP before the invitation ever touches the kitchen counter, you earn five silver spoons!

For all the rest of us, let’s make it our goal to always call the same day! Our timely response is our outward expression of our inward consideration! Let’s just keep repeating, “Within 24 hours! Within 24 hours! Within 24 hours!”

Here’s a random question: Do you like spaghetti? If so, join me Friday! Our quick tip is all about eating this carb delight with simple ease!

Blessings,

How to Avoid the Seven Most Common Cell Phone Sins

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Mon, 11 May 2009 05:27:46 PDT

Good Monday!

Today’s post came about because of a Slurpee®! Every two weeks when we fill up the mom mobile with gasoline at the 7-11® my boys look forward to getting their special slurpable treat. Honestly, it’s not my favorite five minutes. They manage to turn selecting a drink into a process more complex than divvying up funds for the government’s financial bailout!

If you have children, see if you don’t know exactly what I mean!

First, there is the cup size dilemma. Then they go through about two lids each before they find one that fits without falling off. Then the big decisions have to be made starting with the flavor quandary. (Just one, or should two or three be mixed together to form their own special blend?) Finally, there’s the straw choice, one that they don’t enter into lightly. Purple? Yellow? Orange? Blue?

Vital decisions behind them, they head to the register, happy slurping already in progress! I’m left cleaning up what overflowed from the hole in the top of their lids onto the counter.

Last Thursday, the boys and I were in line behind a lady buying quite a few items for a quick market: bread, milk, bacon, a magazine, soda, and the like. The whole time the cashier was ringing up the items, the customer was on her cell phone. She talked on and on without one word, glance, or acknowledgement to the cashier. She swiped her debit card, picked up her bags, and left the store. All with the cell phone to her ear, her shoulder lifted to hold it in place. Not one smile or syllable used to acknowledge the human in front of her she had just interacted with. The customer had made a decision, conscious or not, but crystal clear. The person on the phone was important; the associate was nothing more than a robot. She stripped the cashier of her humanity and relegated her to an ATM machine. It was humiliating, and the effects quickly showed on face of the employee.

Sad, very sad, and it’s happening more and more. Our society is attached to its technology. Me, too! There’s nothing wrong with that per se, as long as we use it to extend our reach to real humans (connect with old friends on Facebook, make new ones on blogs and Twitter) and not to substitute it for human connections.

I’m a huge fan of my iPhone. It’s by my side during the day and recharging every night ready for tomorrow. I check e-mails and send text messages and tweets with the best of them. I have pages of apps and watch YouTube on the go. I don’t plan on stopping. I do, however, keep one thing in mind. My ability to digitally connect with those out of sight isn’t a substitute for acknowledging or connecting with those within sight—stranger or friend.

Monday Morning Mentoring

Here’s your list of 7 Cell Phone Sins to Avoid. Of course, I could have easily called this post the 77 Sins… but then it would have been too long!

When we commit these technological acts, we’re sending non-verbal, visual messages stronger to those around us at the moment than just about anything we’re possibly saying to the person on the other end of the phone.

I’m not casting stones with these seven tips! That’s not my style. Allow me to admit my guilt in the past and my conscious effort to not commit them in the future!

1. When talking to someone in person, don’t glance down at your cell phone to see who’s calling or who just sent a message or e-mail. Why? You break the “moment” with the person you’re with and you send the message, Wait… this might be something interesting, important, or needed. Maybe it is, but what does that say about the person in front of you at the moment? The gracious thing to do is say, “Please forgive my phone; that will go to voicemail.” Then continue on.

2. If you think an important call or message might come through your phone, apologize before looking. “Forgive me, Janet. I would not normally look, but Jason flew to Boston, and if this is him, he’ll need to give me info about his return flight.” Then deal with the call as quickly as possible. “Hello, Jason! Janet’s right here with me, but I wanted to make sure you’re fine.” This lets Jason know someone is in earshot of the conversation and that you’ll need to quickly get back to giving Janet your full attention.

3. Allow Janet to stay seated where she is. Your phone call is the interruption, so when possible, you would want to move out of her earshot. Hearing one-sided conversations is something that our brains haven’t evolved to deal with yet. This is a scientific fact I find incredibly interesting. Two-sided conversations have been overhead since the dawn of man. Our brains do a good job at tuning them out. Not so with one-sided conversations. Our brains put the “noise” into the same portions of our brain it stores pressing details. Overhearing one-sided conversations gives us the same stress level of having an unfinished to-do list with ten minutes left to complete it. We’re unnerved and anxious.

4. Cell phones aren’t for use in confined spaces. That means a check-out line, any waiting room (especially a doctor’s office because so often people are nervous or ill in the first place and it compounds the situation), a restaurant table, or a bathroom stall. Come on—the bathroom stall? Can’t one of the two things (the call or the bathroom visit) wait just a moment? In all these places, it’s the responsibility of the person receiving the call to excuse themselves and leave the area to take the call.

5. In any meeting, it’s savvy and gracious to keep your phone off the table and off your lap. Give your full attention to the person speaking. Having your phone visible sends the message that you’re just waiting (maybe hoping) for it to ring.

6. When going through a drive-thru, excuse yourself for a moment from the person you’re talking to on the phone, put your phone down, and give your full attention to the person assisting you at the counter.

7. When checking e-mail, tweeting, blogging, playing games, or doing anything electronic, stop for a moment and smile, make eye-contact, and say, “Hello” to anyone who enters your nearby space--even if that person is a stranger sitting down next to you in a public waiting room. Why? This one is an easy answer: God created humans as his crowning achievement. We need to acknowledge each one we encounter!

It would be a joy to hear what you have to add to the list! In the comment section, share something with me you’ve done, or seen done, and how it affected other people. What gracious and ungracious ways have you seen the intersection of technology and people handled? I’m going to include your comments in the cell phone chapter in my book, Personal Polish!

If you’re new, welcome! Thank you for reading! Drop me a line so we can meet, and enter your e-mail address in the box on this page so you’ll receive every post!

Until Wednesday, all my best!

Blessings,

Mother's Day Manners

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Sun, 17 May 2009 07:01:20 PDT

Greetings!

Welcome to a very special Friday—one that separates a lot of us by just 48 hours from breakfast in bed, perhaps a flower or present, and handmade cards crafted by little hands using equal portions of crayon, glitter, glue, and love! May I wish each of you who are moms a very happy, blessed, and memory-making Mother’s Day!

This weekend I’ll be with my mom enjoying a tradition we started ten years ago this Saturday! The day before Mother’s Day, we enjoy tea together at a favorite tea room. When we began in 1999, Marc, my oldest son, was just two years old, so the day out of town at tea was a fantastic break for me as well as a special time to share with my mom.

When Marc was five, several days before the tea, he looked up at me with his striking blue-gray eyes and asked, “Mommy, can I please come, too!” My first thought, to be honest, was not an enthusiastic, “Yes.”

It was more of a silent, internal, unapologetic, not-for-a-million-dollars-am-I-putting-you-in-the-van-and-taking-you-with-me thought. However, what I said was, “Sweetie, this is my special time to be with Nana. She’s my mom and I want to celebrate that I love her.” Marc studied me for a moment, twitched his nose upward in thought and replied, “But you’re my mom, and I want to celebrate you.”

My next words were “Let’s go to the mall tonight! A new tradition deserves a new shirt!” When Corbett turned four, he joined us. Last year, Kent, my husband, celebrated his inaugural meal. He sat right next to me, munching tiny sandwiches and scones and sipping hot peach tea. Their presence at tea is my Mother’s Day present.

What other gift could equal it? There are days when I’d give anything for a few hours of “no boys!” But then I think to myself, I’m going to get about a million of those hours once these two little guys grow up and leave home. They’ll be busy celebrating Mother’s Day with their wives, and I’ll wish for the days when my boys gave me a gift more precious than anything ever sold in any store--the gift of their love poured over me more abundantly and graciously than tea from the china pot.

Since becoming a mom, my Mother’s Days have been happy ones. For a lot of women it’s not that way. They mourn the passing of their beloved moms; they cringe at the thought of their mom because of some deep wound; they want so much to be a mom but haven’t been able to become one yet; they’re a mom feeling suffocated by the grief they feel over the loss of their sweet child. The card-giving, candy-eating, present-exchanging day makes their heads spin, not their hearts dance.

The year before Marc was born I suffered one such Mother’s Day. Just three weeks before the holiday, after years of trying to conceive, I suffered a sudden miscarriage. When I entered the sanctuary that Sunday, an usher carrying a basket of carnations greeted me. “Happy Mother’s Day, pretty lady!” He innocently beamed. “I know you must be a mom! Here’s a flower.” In a sudden daze, I accepted the flower from his hand and rushed to the bathroom, crying. Kent followed after me, and we left without attending church that morning. I wish I had known then what I know now about what that flower represented. It would have made the incident more bearable.

Today I’ve gathered for you a few Mother’s Day manners that will hopefully help your day whether it’s one you’re celebrating or avoiding.

These tips are special to me in another way. It was one year ago this week that I began my former “Monday Morning Manners” newsletter. We outgrew that quickly, didn’t we? It was these tips that started it all. It gives me great joy to celebrate my first anniversary of writing.

This week also marks our blog’s first month anniversary. Wow—look how far we’ve come in just 30 days!

You all are the very best! Thank you for being you!

Mother’s Day Manners

• Every woman 18 and older should accept a carnation if one is offered. The flower you take is in honor of your mother, not you. It doesn’t symbolize whether or not you’re a mom.

• If you have a strained, or even non-existent, relationship with your mom, you can still accept a flower out of respect for the role of mothers in society.

• Carnations are traditionally given because they were the favorite flower of Anna Reeves Jarvis, the mother of the women who campaigned for Mother’s Day to become a national holiday.

• You take a white carnation if your mother is deceased and a pink carnation if she is living.

• Many churches, for the sake of simplicity, offer just one color of carnation.

• If you find yourself the lucky recipient of a corsage (It’s sad that they’re pretty much a thing of the past!), it’s correctly worn on your left side—the side of your heart! Wear a corsage high on your shoulder with the flower pointing up and the stem pointing down.

• Mother’s Day corsages (unlike prom flowers) don’t need to match or coordinate with your outfit. Regardless of the look (just like all those macaroni necklaces!), wear them with abandon, pride, and love!

Join me Monday when we talk about Seven Cell Phone “Sins” You Want to Avoid! It’s a fun posting that points out some things we all probably do without even realizing it and how we could do it more graciously.

If you’re new, welcome! To receive simple, savvy, sincere tips each week, please join me! Just enter your e-mail address in the box at the top right of the page!

Blessings,

How You Can Shine In a Crowded Conversation

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 06 May 2009 05:38:49 PDT

Five Ways to Shine When Everyone Seems to Be Talking at Once

Greetings!

Welcome! Thank you for dropping in to visit. It’s always a joy to be with you and I hope your day will be a great one!

I always enjoy Wednesdays. I reevaluate my week’s schedule and see how far I’ve come (or not!) and where I need to get in the next 48 hours. After all, it’s just a hop, skip, and jump from today to the weekend!

You know that here on our blog Wednesday means its Reader Q & A day, and today’s question is a great one! (It’s OK that I say that. Since I didn’t write the question, it isn’t bragging, it’s complimenting!)

Today’s quandary is about handling multiple conversations at once. It’s great knowing how to handle this with skill and ease because it’s par for the course of our everyday interactions. Each time we enter a conversation and there’s more than one person in our general vicinity, we more often than not find ourselves in the middle of not one, but multiple discussions!

After reading today’s question, see if you relate to our blog family member as much as I do!

One note: There is something fun about this reader’s e-mail. It makes me want to gather up her and five or so friends and meet up at Starbucks for coffee and madelines (my favorite!). Anyone want to come along? I’m free this morning!

Your Want-to-Know Question!

Dear Maralee,

Love your blog!!!!

I have a couple of burning questions! When four of five women are in a car and one begins a conversation and another joins in, how do you handle it when a third woman begins a totally different topic and yet you’re already involved in the first conversation?

Another situation, place five, six, or more people at a table, and how do you deal with the person on one side of you talking to apparently anyone who will listen (as are some of the others)? You know the types: no real eye contact, just sweeping glances at anyone seated nearby and within hearing range. What if you’re trying to hear and converse with someone a bit down the table and you keep getting interrupted?

Please set this poor misguided soul straight!

Your Guide for How to Shine!

You’re not misguided at all! You want to make sure no one feels slighted by your lack of attention. That’s actually very gracious and others-centered. You’re also very right! It’s impossible to hold more than one conversation at a time. (Except for us moms who can talk to all our children at once. “Boys, why do I need to ask you every day to please put your shoes in your room? Marc, finish your math homework before you go outside to play. Corbett, Mommy said, ‘We’re going to eat in about ten minutes. No chips!’”)

This is fine for mom-speak, but use it on someone we didn’t give birth to and, well, we’re not going to earn any bonus points for our conversational skills. Here’s what you can say and do to handle multiple conversations with polish and help make sure no one feels left out!

These guidelines are meant more for adult meals/gatherings, not an average family dinner at home.

• At a table of four or more persons, definitely 6 or more, multiple conversations are to be expected. Focus your conversation mostly with the person directly on your left and right. In the old days, they used to do what they called “turn the table.” The hostess would turn to speak to the person on her right during the first course, then to the person on her left for the second course. Back-and-forth everyone would “turn” the conversation to focus on the person sitting on either side with each course.

• We’re not nearly as formal of a society anymore. You won’t see it put into strict practice. Personally, I think the idea is still a good one! I use it all the time! Why? People love receiving undivided attention, and that’s what this practice gifts your tablemates with.

• Forget about trying to speak to someone several seats away from you. To do so, the people between you have to bend back in their seat a little to allow you to make eye contact with the person you’re talking to. It’s awkward at best, and in order to hear each other, everyone has to raise their voices. All of a sudden your fun adult gathering shares the decibel level of a sixth-grade lunch room! Not polished!

• Rather, while dining, riding in a car, or engaging in conversation anywhere someone by you is speaking to everyone and no one in particular, stop them with kindness by inviting them to join your conversation. “Samantha, I know you were just asking if anyone saw the new Sandra Bullock movie, but Janice and I are talking about inexpensive vacations we could plan for our family this summer. Do you know of any?” Now, after your conversation about the vacation ideas runs its course, say something like, “Now, what were you saying about the Sandra Bullock movie?”

• You’ve just accomplished three great things. 1) You brought Samantha into your group. Everyone appreciates being invited in! 2) You didn’t interrupt your conversation with Janice, and 3) you had the next conversation idea (the Sandra Bullock movie) already in the pipeline!

Give these tips a try and whether you are at a table, in a car, in a boardroom, or waiting outside with all the other moms at your children’s third-grade classroom door, you’ll earn the reputation of a gracious, inviting leader!

Please join me Friday! I LOVE Friday’s post. It’s about Mother’s Day Manners. Whether you are a mom, want to be a mom, know a mom, have a good or unfortunate relationship with your mom, you’ll find value in these tips!

Before I go, here’s a bit of great news! We have a winner in our $150 American
Express Gift Card Blog Kickoff Contest! I used www.random.org to choose our
winner. She is Kimberli of Oklahoma!

A mom of six and busy blogger (with six children, I wouldn’t find time to fold laundry, much less blog!), Congratulations Kimberli! You must be a very special lady. Thank you for reading! I’m so happy you won and I hope to have the chance to meet you someday!

In fact, thanks to each of you for reading! I appreciate all of you so very much!
Please drop me a question or say, “Hello” anytime! If you’re new here, take just
a second and join our family by entering your e-mail address in the box at the
top right of this page.

See you all on Friday!

Blessings,

Etiquette, You, and the Flu: What to Do!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Mon, 04 May 2009 05:38:34 PDT

Hello!

Before we jump right into things, I want to welcome some new family members! Hello to everyone who joined us from the etiquette dinner I taught for Dr. Wang, the Dean of Burnett Honors College, Thursday evening. This was my sixth year partnering with Dr. Wang, and like always it was an honor. It was also a joy meeting each of you and greeting past friends as well! Welcome to our blog family; please always keep in touch!

Now, on to today’s feverishly hot topic!

Swine flu, swine flu, swine flu! Like me, are you being made sick by it? Hopefully, not literally—just sick of hearing about it on every news broadcast?

None of us want to play with fire. You and I understand the danger. If we become ill, at the least, we’re in for a few days of flu purgatory. At worst, if left untreated, or if we have other medical conditions that compound our flu ills, it could be life threatening, or even deadly.

However, it’s not time for panic. Trust me—I’m the grand marshal of the panic parade! It’s the factory setting on my “what if” personality.

Flu and flu deaths are nothing out of the ordinary. Before the first newscaster uttered the words “swine flu,” there was already over 300 deaths a day in the United States from common strains. This one isn’t likely to take us all down, at least for now, because we have drugs that can give the nasty swine virus a permanent knock-out punch.

My husband’s grandmother died eight years ago at the blessed age of 104. She was a young bride during the 1918 flu pandemic that killed over 40 million people. She shared stories of looking out on totally empty streets. It was eerie. Churches, stores, offices… everything was closed. The world became a ghost town, both literally and figuratively.

Like you, I don’t want my family or me to catch it, especially my children. It’s unbearably sad, isn’t it, watching them suffer through high fevers, aches, general malaise, and stomach ailments. (It’s also unpleasant to clean up after the stomach upsets! For some reason, my two boys feel they need to come find me first to tell me they’re going to throw up. 99% of the time this delay means my bedroom carpet is the unlucky recipient of their stomach contents. The Stanley Steamer people know our address by heart!)

We’re a nation of hand shakers, huggers, and even, lately, trying to keep up with our continental cousins, cheek kissers. The flu is creating a new social-distancing etiquette.

So, in the midst of this new distancing, how can you go out and about, interact graciously, and still set flu boundaries that help protect you and your family?

Here’s your Monday Morning Mentoring for just that.

Until the flu is no longer a threat, here are five need-to-know tips! Keep in mind these are temporary measures until we’re given the “all clear” signal.

Your Top Five Tips for Interacting in the Midst of the Flu

1. Once anyone in your house comes down with the swine flu, quarantine yourself and everyone in your home. It takes up to a week for symptoms to incubate. So you could already be infected and just not feel the effects yet. It’s the honorable, although inconvenient, thing to do. It’s good citizenship to help protect our communities. (Of course, I’m not a medical doctor, so if you or anyone in your family gets the flu, please consult with your doctor right away!)

2. If you’re currently uncomfortable shaking hands, greet others with your hands behind your back. The other person is more unlikely not to extend a hand to you. Just make sure you greet them with eye contact and a big smile. If someone does extend a hand to you, say, “I believe I’m fine, but I don’t want to take the chance of passing along a virus to you.” Stating it this way gifts the other person with the benefit rather than extending the courtesy for your own benefit, as would be the case if you said, “Forgive me for not shaking your hand. I don’t want to take the chance of catching a virus.”

3. Carry tissues instead of grandmom’s dainty and lovely hanky with you. Hankies will retain all the germs, and each time you go to retrieve it, your hands touch the germs.

4. It’s a great idea to carry a zip-top baggie to put each tissue in after use. When you get home, you can throw the day’s tissues away sanitarily without anyone ever accidently touching one.

5. We’ve all been told to cover our noses and mouths with our hands when we cough or sneeze, but that’s just about the worst advice we could follow. Here are three better ways to handle the situation, keeping in mind that sneezing and coughing into a tissue is always the best choice. These are emergency backup plans.

• Good: Bend you arm and cough into the inner part of your elbow. The downside of this method is that unless you’re super limber you’ll never get your nose and mouth close enough to the crook of your arm to catch all the germs. Plus, all the germs are now all over your arm—accidently bump into anyone or anything and the germs are spread.

• Better: Form your left hand (your right hand if you’re a leftie) into a fist and cough or sneeze into the ball of your fist where your thumb and first (index) finger meet. Why your left hand? It’s the one you use less often to handle items and hand things to others. Make sure to turn your head towards your shoulder, and don’t cough down on what’s in front of you—books, food, TV remote, etc. Also, pick your side! If there’s no one on your right, then turn your head to cough in the direction of your right shoulder, or vice-versa.

• Best: Cough into your shirt by holding the neckline gently over your face. This will help both keep the germs on you and prevent the droplets from being carried through the air to others. This is a great one for all of us to remember and to teach our children.

Again, remember these three measures are for when you’re caught without a tissue! When you do use a tissue, try to keep it only in your non-dominant hand for the same reasons above.

I know this post will generate lots of other illness and flu questions! Share yours in the comments and we’ll figure it all out together! My comment section is feeling a little lonely, so please come on in even just to say, “Hi.” I love hearing from you!

Today is Kent, my husband’s, birthday so I’ll close for now and go pay special attention to my sweetie!

If you’re new here, please join me each week! It will be great having you as part of our family! Add your e-mail address in the box near the top right of this page and you’re all set!

See you on Wednesday for Reader Q & A! Ever sit with a group of people who were holding about five different conversations at the same time? Sure you have! Well…I have the answer for moving in and out of conversations with grace!

Blessings,

Quick Tip! How to Talk With Food in Your Mouth

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Fri, 01 May 2009 05:24:05 PDT

Happy Friday Everyone!

Your mom probably told you since you were knee high to her that it was rude to talk with your mouth full. I remind my two boys of this sage advice…again and again. The reason I give is the same one parents for the last five hundred plus years have used: “It’s not pretty for those sitting around you.”

What if I told you there’s a little-known exception to that age-old commandment?

It’s for use all those times someone (often the server) asks you a question a nano-second after you’ve popped the delicious morsel from your fork into your mouth.

An exception to a rule we’ve been led to believe has been carved into stone—it’s hard to believe, I know!

Now dear Manners Mentor family, please gather close! Because you care deeply about manners and living your life graciously, I’m about to share this secret with you. This is definitely not Manners 101. It’s for those seeking their Master’s degree!

First, just one request!

I ask it in consideration of parents everywhere striving to teach their children how to shine in their encounters. Please promise before reading further that you will consider this information only fit for us grownups. Teach a child an etiquette skill and then tell him or her there are exceptions, and they’ll consider every occasion the exception!

Friday Quick Tip! How Do I Respond To A Question When I Have Food In My Mouth?

We all seem to handle the situation with our own unique spin. Some of us hold up our index finger signaling “wait.” Some of us point to our mouths. Some just smile for a moment. Some people (none of us of course!) just talk and let their tablemates suffer the consequences of the view. Then there are those who sip their beverages to wash the food down quickly, and those who cover their mouths with their hands as they talk and chew.

Which of the above options is the most savvy and why?

“Just smile for a moment” is the answer. Why? Quiet grace (“quiet” in this case as in no need to say anything) and patience are two of the fruits of etiquette. With that in mind, a brief smile lets the other person know you heard him or her. Don’t rush. You'll probably feel rushed (I always do!), but don’t rush to swallow. In actuality, there’s probably only a five-second gap between the time the question is asked and the time you’ve swallowed the food and are back in the conversation!

If that just isn’t working for you, then here’s plan B. Hopefully, you took a small bite! So go ahead and “place” the small bite with your tongue towards your right cheek. (If you’re left-handed, it will be easier to use your left check.) Answer the question and then swallow. No one should be able to see the food, and you’ve just gracefully talked with food in your mouth. Honest! Try it today! Just keep your bite small, and remember: mum’s the word with our little ones!

My Call from The White House

Before I go, I promised Wednesday to tell you about my phone call from the White House! Some people get giddy about celebrities. Not me, at least I don’t think I would. I’d be polite, but not excited.

Well OK… there’s one exception. I got called once to be on the “Oprah” show! They were going to do a whole segment on cell phone etiquette with me as the guest. You know TV—things change; there was something else she covered and the show idea was shelved. I was excited, but terrified to do it. I know my day will come; I just hope I can remember my own name much less etiquette skills. After all, come on, it’s OPRAH!

I digress… Back to the White House. A client of mine spoke this week before a senate judiciary committee and wanted to make sure his opening remarks followed the protocol of whose name to say first, etc. It took seven phone calls: the White House, the State Department, the United States Sergeant at Arms, the Judiciary Committee clerk. Sad thing, no one knew the answer. Well, some of them kind-of thought they knew but admitted they weren’t sure. Some said it probably didn’t matter. (That’s sad!)

Anyway, a very nice protocol officer from the White House returned my call about 4:30PM. My knees were shaking! My first thought was “Oh, I look awful today.” Then I thought, “Wait, I’m on the phone. It doesn’t matter!”

It was a lovely ten-minute conversation. She shared generously of her knowledge and was eager to set up the gentleman I was assisting for success. Don’t we all just love being around people like that?

Monday, join me for an important post: Swine Flu Etiquette.

It looks like this thing is spreading, so in case it comes to your hometown (I hope it doesn’t!), you’ll know how to keep your family safe and interact with polish in the midst of everyone else’s panic.

Blessings on your weekend!

How to Graciously Answer Nosy Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 05:23:18 PDT

Greetings Everyone!

Here’s some good news for our Wednesday: Etiquette gifts us with a way to reply to rude and nosy questions without us having to take the bumpy Low Road to one of two ungracious destinations.

The Low Road-

1. Repaying the offense with a curt response.

2. Caving in just to “be nice,” despite not wanting to, and sharing the information the other person has no right or need to know.

The High Road-

1. Realizing that repaying evil for evil (or, in this case, plain old “impolite for impolite”) always bears like fruit. Always!

2. Realizing that the foundation of etiquette is pleasant boundaries. You can set them and never again feel like the proverbial doormat for the offender to continually wipe his or her prying questions on.

Sound great?

So, what exactly do you say the next time someone puts his or her nose where you’d rather he or she didn’t?

Wednesday is Readers’ Q & A day!

Here’s a letter I received this week from one of our blog family members. Have you ever felt the same way?

Dear Maralee,

What’s the best way to answer questions such as: “How much money do you make?” Or, “How much did that cost?” Also, what do I say when I make arrangements to take off work to take care of personal business and I’m pressed for more details by a coworker being nosy. This happens to me quite a lot…maybe because I’m shy about standing my ground. Thanks so much!

Great question! We’ve all been right there with her, or in a similar place. My favorite (actually my least favorite!) is when someone presses me about why I can’t come to his or her party or event.

So, what should we say?

Before you reply, keep in mind the two points above about taking the High Road.

Next, if you know the other person, get a sense for his or her motives. Is he or she trying to bully information out of you, or is the person an extra-extrovert who will tell you anything about himself or herself? With the latter, the question was probably just his or her way of making conversation, and he or she honestly doesn’t mean to intrude at all. When you live your life “wide open,” you tend to think everyone else does as well. When you’re the close-to-your-vest type, you tend to prefer the details of your life to remain nicely arranged in a locked and closely guarded vault.

Next, humor is always a polite way of keeping things light and civil.

Using this method, if you’re asked:

• “How much are you paid?” You could say, “Half what I’m worth!”

• “How much did that cost?” You could say, “Only my hairdresser…I mean, only my accountant knows!”

• “Why are you taking the day off?” You could say, “My coworkers are driving me crazy! Do you ever feel like that?”

There are other options. A more direct, but still gracious approach is fine. In this case, your tone of voice is going to convey your message even more so than your words. If you’re a parent, you know exactly what I mean! Your child can say, “Yes, Mom,” and it’s the sweetest two words being spoken at that moment in the whole world. Or, he can say the same two words with a different tone and you think there must have been a mix-up at the hospital because surely your DNA could not have created this child!

So, using the more direct method, if you’re asked:

• “How much are you paid?” You could say, “My mom taught me never to discuss money or politics.”

• “How much did that cost?” You could say, “Not as much as it looks like.” Or, “I got a good deal.”

• “Why are you taking the day off?” You could say, “I’m taking a personal day for personal reasons, of course.”

When you use either of these two methods, the person should get the idea (nicely) that you’re finished providing information.

Another helpful (and interesting) hint!

The word because is powerful. It can act as its own complete explanation. No one is quite sure why, but social experiments have proven it true. It probably goes back to the days of our childhood when mom or dad’s answer to our question “Why?” was simply “Because.”

There was a study that involved having a young lady ask the person waiting in line to use the copier at a large public library if she could please go ahead of him or her in line. When she asked if she could cut in front and gave no explanation, only 60% of the people let her go before them.

When she added a reason to her request (“My class starts in ten minutes and I have to have these papers to complete my assignment”), more than 90% said, “Sure, go ahead.”

Here’s where it gets interesting.

When she asked to go ahead of others and gave this reason: “May I please step in front of you because I need to make some copies?”, more than 90% of the people also said, “Yes.” Her only reason was “because,” which really isn’t a reason at all.

This tidbit is useful to remember anytime we’re pressed by someone for additional information.

Take for instance a coworker asking, “No really, why are you taking next Thursday off?” You could answer, “I’m taking a personal day, because I need the day off.” Or, when asked why you’re not going to a party, you could say, “Because I’m not able to attend.” Again, just keep in mind your tone of voice.

It’s also OK to simply say, “I’d rather not say” or, “That’s private,” especially if you believe the person is trying to intimidate you with his or her question.

One last thing…

We live in a new age of “no secrets.” Whether on reality TV, Facebook, Twitter, or video sharing sites—you name it—the smallest details of everyone’s lives seem to fill every nook and cranny of our days. Still, be slow to ask personal questions. There’s a difference between what we choose to share and what we want to be asked to share.

You know me—I could go on and on, but now it’s your turn. What questions have you been asked, and how have you nicely handled them? Or, what nosy question would you like a pat answer for? E-mail me. I love hearing from you!

This is all for now. Corbett, my little one, catches every illness within ten miles of a sneeze. He’s home today with the start of a sore throat and stuffy nose. He needs my attention. I’m off to read him a story and scratch his back.

If you’re new here, welcome! Please add your e-mail in the box on the top right to get your blog posts each week.

See you on Friday for Quick Tip day. I’ll share the polite way to talk with food in your mouth! Just please don’t tell my children!

PS: I just got a return call from the White House! Honestly! I’m so excited! I’ll share on Friday. Corbett awaits!

Manners for the Three Most Common Embarrassing Situations

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:40:54 PDT

Good Monday Everyone!

What is the etiquette for common mishaps? We’ve all experienced them, so we can relate to the embarrassment of having spinach caught in our teeth, our zipper accidently undone, or a tag on our clothes sticking up.

They’re common calamities that mortify us and cause those with us to feel awkward because they don’t know what exactly to say or do, or if it’s better to pretend not to notice.

Sometimes when we bring the mishap to the attention of the other person, our kindness throws him a social life preserver!

Other times, our good intentions end up embarrassing the person to the point that her outward smile of thanks just might be covering the social noose she feels we’ve tightened around her neck.

Honestly, it’s hard to know what to do. I might always want to know; you might never want to know; your coworker or church mate might want to know some of the time, but not all the time. It’s pure personal preference.

The skills I have for you today are best practices with strangers. With others, use your sixth sense and alter them if you know the person well enough to know his or her preference.

Monday Morning Mentoring

The Three Most Common Etiquette Mishaps and Your Polished Responses!

What to do about spinach or something equally ugly stuck in your teeth?

A. If it’s in your teeth: Make one quick attempt at releasing it by moving your tongue over your teeth, followed by one attempt to swallow a sip of your drink to see if that will dislodge the offending element. If the one attempt doesn’t work, simply say, “Excuse me” to those at your table and go to the bathroom to do the rest of the dirty work. You don’t need to give an explanation to your tablemates either before you leave or when you return.

B. If it’s in the other person’s teeth: Whether or not you say anything depends on a few things. Are you alone with the other person, or are there others around? Do you know the person well, or are you basically strangers? Here are a few things you can do. First, keep in mind that people often subconsciously mirror the movements of those around them. Act as if there’s something lodged in your teeth, and your tablemate just might follow suit. If that doesn’t do the trick, if your tablemate is a new acquaintance, a client, potential client, or a high-ranking member of the business, social or church community that you don’t know very well, it’s best to act like you don’t notice. If it’s a friend or family member, you can say, “I always want to know when I have something stuck in my teeth. Do you agree?” As long as the answer is “yes,” then say, “I think you have something in yours.” Notice the way you would say, “I always want to know when…” lets the person know it’s happened to you before. The fact that you used the word think allows for some doubt, which helps alleviate his or her fear that the offending object is so large it’s going to appear on the latest Google earth images update.

What about when your zipper is unzipped?

A. If it happens to you: First, try to exit the room to zip up. If that’s not possible, try to head to the corner of the room or at least turn your back on the people you’re talking with. When you turn back around, simply say, “Excuse me. I’m terribly embarrassed. Obviously that was an accident.” Hopefully, admitting you’re embarrassed will keep others from saying anything else. Without further comment, continue on with or change the subject.

B. If it happens to someone with you: Again, it’s situational, but most people really want (even need!) to know. If you’re a woman, and the person with the downed zipper is male, try to find a man to deliver the news. “Allen, I don’t want to embarrass Ryan. His pants are unzipped and he’d probably much rather hear it from you.” If there are no men nearby and the man is about to step on stage or into a meeting or room full of people, go ahead and tell him. Again, try to put yourself into the scenario so that the embarrassment is lessened. “James, I know I want to know when something I’m wearing is unzipped. I’m sure you would too before you step on stage.” I promise the man will immediately get your meaning! You can simply say, “You’re welcome! Please excuse me.” Then step away. Why say, “You’re welcome?” Because it’s a gracious way of letting him know he doesn’t need to say, “Thank you” or mention it again.

What about if someone’s tag is sticking up out of his or her shirt?

For some reason my tags stick up more than most people’s. Strangers all too often adjust them for me! Unless you know the person well enough that you’ve previously hugged, don’t adjust the tag. Those who do the adjusting think they’re being sweet, but the fact is, no one’s dignity is damaged because their size “Medium” tag is sticking up. It’s better to not pay any attention.

Here’s one quick true story. My friend and I were trying on outfits to wear to an event. I headed out of the dressing room and was waiting for my friend to join me. A man was standing with his wife at the cash register. As his wife’s order was being rung up, all of a sudden he came from behind me, put his hand on the nape of my neck, and pushed down my tag. With a smile he said, “Now you’re properly dressed.”

I don’t think he meant any harm; however, he scared the bejeebees out of me. It took me by such surprise that I merely muttered, “Thank you” and walked to the other end of the department…fast. It was only later that I thought of what I should have said. (Don’t you hate when you think of the perfect thing to say about ten hours too late!)

Only when etiquette is perverted does it make you a doormat. You can and should be polite, but naturally implied in etiquette is restraint (which he didn’t show) and clear boundaries. I should have said nicely, and I did the next time something similar happened, “Goodness, that was more startling than helpful.”

One last tip!

Humor is almost always a great way to rebound! Once a pastor of ours noticed about five minutes into his sermon that his pants were unzipped, thanks to his best friend coming up to the front row, sitting down, and discreetly holding up a small sign that simply said, “Check Zipper.” Our pastor immediately turned his back, zipped his pants, turned back to the congregation, and said, “Transparency in the church is a vital part of its success, don’t you agree?” Everyone laughed together. The gracious members of the congregation never felt the need that day, or any day, to mention the incident to him. Fun ribbing is never the better choice over forgetting!

There are so many other common situations we could have talked about, but this column was getting rather long. So, now it’s your turn! What things have happened to you, and how did you handle them, or how do you wish you had handled them differently? Comment and share with us. I’d love to hear from you!

By the way, we’re still working with our newborn blog on finding the best add-on program that allows me to answer readers’ comments. We think we might have found a solution this weekend. Please bear with me!

If you’re new here, Welcome! Please take a moment right now and subscribe by entering your e-mail address in the box in the upper right of this page.

See you all Wednesday for Readers’ Q & A! It’s a great one! Until then…

PS: You can find out about how Corbett's first every sleep over went by reading the comment section on Friday's post about eating French Onion soup!

Blessings,

7 Etiquette Tips You Want to Know for How to Eat Soup

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 23:15:00 PDT

Greetings!

Welcome to Friday—Quick Tip Day!

Hope that you’re getting ready to enjoy a relaxing weekend and that your to-do list is shorter than your nap time!

Here’s a brief McKee family weekend update. Your tips are right below.

I’m hosting a sleepover for my youngest son tonight. It’s his first one ever He’s sooooo excited. I am as well! With his special needs, having a friend he views as an equal is a very big deal in his development!

His little friend is precious! He’s a good influence on Corbett and has the best manners! Corbett does, too, but he’s often so shy he won’t use them. I fear people must think it’s a classic case of the cobbler’s son having no shoes!

The one scary thing about this sleepover is that it’s his friend’s first one as well. Normally, no problem. If there are tears at 2:00 AM, we’d pack up the car and deliver him safely back into his mom and dad’s arms. Tonight, though, his parents are five hours away at a convention.

My plan is to make sure the boys play long and hard all afternoon, keep them up late watching movies, and then hope they’ll both sleep through the night from pure played-out exhaustion!

If I’ve underestimated the power of homesickness for a six-year-old, then I’ll be up at 2:00 AM drying tears, calming nerves, and reading stories, and if completely stuck, I’m not beyond offering a bribe. “Go back to sleep and we’ll go see 'Monsters vs. Aliens'…again!”

Wish me luck! If you have any helpful hints, please comment and share. I’d love to hear!

Today’s Quick Tip!

If you enjoy eating soup, you’ll love this post! I’ve gathered seven savvy etiquette tips for eating your soup with flair!

This came to me the other day as I watched my oldest son eat French Onion soup. He was having a hard time getting through the cheese to the broth underneath. Finally, he did what any 12-year-old would do. He pulled the baked-on cheese off the crock and ate it with his fingers. Fine, I guess, if you’re 12, and at home; not so great for the rest of us! (OK, I’ve done it too, just not in front of others!)

So here’s all you ever need to know about eating soup. Number seven is all about French Onion!

1. Spoon your soup away from you in the bowl. This seems like it’s the opposite of what you should do. Why move the soup further from you when you’re trying to bring it to your lips? Spooning it away from you allows any soup that is going to dribble off the spoon to end up back in the bowl, instead of on your shirt, blouse, or lap!

2. Eat/sip the soup from the side of your soup spoon, not the front (tapered end). Otherwise, all the soup runs down to the “point” and causes it to spill easier.

3. To get to the last drops of soup, it’s fine to tip your soup bowl or plate away from you.

4. When soup is served in a cup or round bowl with a plate under it, place your spoon on the underplate between sips and when you’re finished.

5. When soup is served in a soup plate (a very wide open bowl) with no plate under it, place your spoon in the bowl between sips and when finished, not on your bread plate or any other plate.

6. If adding crackers, add them one bite at a time. You don’t want to turn your soup into something resembling oatmeal. It’s fine to drop one or two oyster crackers or crumble one saltine at a time into your bowl. Place the remainder of your crackers on your bread plate.

7. French Onion soup is delicious but tricky! When you’re at a need-to-impress meal, I’d suggest skipping it no matter how much you’re craving it. For other times, here’s how to maneuver your way through this gooey delight. Eat the cheese first by twirling it around your spoon and “cutting” it by pressing it against the side of your soup bowl or crock. If this won’t work (It hardly ever does for me!), then go ahead and cut the cheese that’s dangling from your spoon with your knife. Once the cheese is gone, it’s easy enough to eat the bread and broth underneath. Now, about all the yummy cheese baked on the outside of the crock. Two choices: be very polished and leave it alone, or say the heck with it and enjoy! If you choose the latter, try getting the baked-on cheese off with your spoon, not your fingers. (At least while anyone is watching you!)

Bonus tip: Never blow on your soup, or any food, to cool it. It sends the signal that you’re impatient. Allow your food to cool on its own and you’ll earn the reputation of one cool tablemate. (Sorry, couldn’t resist!)

See you Monday! I don’t know what we’ll be talking about. I haven’t been inspired yet!

If you have anything you’d like me to write about, let me know. If you have a question, you know a thousand others have the same one! I’ll add it to our list and get right on it! Contact me here at Maralee@MannersMentorBlog.com.

If you’re new, thanks for visiting and please subscribe now by entering your e-mail address in the box on the top right of this page.

Until Monday everyone…

Blessings,

Savvy Manners for When You're Late! Don't We All Need This?!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Wed, 13 May 2009 10:08:46 PDT

Greetings!

It’s a joy to be with you!

If you’re a reader visiting please come in and make yourself at home! It’s great to have you drop by! I hope you’ll enjoy the site and then take a moment and subscribe. I’d be honored to have you join my blog family!

OK, onto our savvy skills for interacting with ease!

Do you ever wake up 20 minutes earlier than usual just to make sure you and your family aren’t late for an event that morning? Then, despite your great intentions, your careful preplanning, and your laser-focused clock watching, you end up at your destination about five minutes late?

It’s frustrating, but it happens. In my family it happens more than I’d like!

One child’s shoe is right where it belongs; the other can’t be found by a search party made up of Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, and Jack Bauer!

The other child is cranky about breakfast. Then the dog acts like she needs to go outside… again. So you let her out, and now she won’t come back inside.

All the while, your good intentions are being drowned out by the tick-tock of the clock.

Here’s one reader’s question. Change a few minor details, and I bet any of us could have written her e-mail!

Dear Maralee,

Love your blog! Hope you’ll find the time to answer my question! We have three small children and a teen. No matter how early we get ready for church, my husband and I seem to walk in about ten minutes late. We’re embarrassed and frustrated. Any etiquette advice you could share for entering late would really be appreciated. Thanks in advance for your help!

Your Real World Answer!

We all get a little embarrassed when we’re late. That’s probably good. Our conscious is whispering, “Yikes, this is awkward; I don’t want it to happen again!

Why? Because being on time is our practical and visual demonstration of the importance and respect we place on attending the event.

However, life happens. When our best intentions go a little askew, we need to take it in stride, plan to try again next time, and for now put Plan B into action. What is Plan B? Entering with the least amount of distraction.

While today’s reader question dealt with church, you can use these gracious, savvy tips for most public events: a concert, movie, play, school program, meeting, etc. There are tips for both the person who is running late and those already seated who want to graciously help the latecomers enter with ease.

1. If you’re the first to enter a row or pew that doesn’t butt up against a wall, take a seat in the middle of the row so people can enter from either side. If your pew or aisle butts up against the wall, take a seat at the end of the pew, against the wall. Your goal: not causing others to step over you.

2. Your purse, baby bag, or anything else you’re carrying goes under your row, seat, or pew, not the one in front of you. (That’s only on airplanes.) Otherwise, the people in the front row have no place to put their things.

3. In the movies or anywhere there isn’t enough room under your seat, place your items in your lap, not on the floor by your feet, so that others stepping into the row don't have to maneuver both by you and over the items. It’s too difficult to maneuver and too easy to trip.

4. At any live event, never enter during a song (especially a solo) or a prayer. Wait and enter quickly between songs.

5. If you’re sitting on the aisle and see people looking for a seat, it’s kind for you and your family to scoot down to let them sit on the aisle so they avoid having to step over you.

6. People with children five and under and anyone thinking they may need to leave during the event should take seats in the back 10% of the aisles closest to the exits. Heads naturally turn when there’s movement in a room of seated persons. You want to distract as few people as possible as you leave.

7. Those of us without children would be kind to sit closer to the front and not on the aisle to allow parents with children to sit in these child-friendly areas.

8. Watch your backside! When you enter a row or pew where people are already seated, make sure to turn your back to the stage as you walk past the people in your row. This keeps you making eye contact with them, instead of placing your backside right at their eye level! Say in a soft voice, “Excuse me” as you step over others, and, “I’m sorry!” if you accidentally step on someone’s toes.

9. If everyone in the row can remain seated, that’s fine. If it’s going to be a tight squeeze, then men usually stand to let others pass. Women remain seated and turn their knees in the direction the person is passing. This allows maximum room for others to make their way down the row.

Feel free to comment on something that happened when you were running late and add on to our list of gracious ways to enter!

I’ll see you Friday! You’ll learn seven savvy manners for eating soup: tipping bowls, blowing, adding crackers, where to rest your spoon, and a few others you just wouldn’t think of!

Welcome again to all my new readers! Please subscribe now at the top right of this page, and join me here Friday!

See you all then!

Blessings,

How to Be a Cool Breeze in Others' Days

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 23:15:00 PDT

Greetings!

Welcome to Monday! I hope your weekend was slow-paced enough for you to get some rest and that today won't be too "Monday-ish" for you!

After my disastrous Friday of accidently sending out 24 e-mails, instead of one, you all were incredibly kind! I'm forever grateful to each of you!

After I sent my apology letter, you sent letter after letter telling me you weren't bothered a bit! You encouraged me to relax, and even said you felt bad for me, knowing as soon as you saw them that it must be a mistake and I'd be upset. One reader said she just couldn't sleep that night and stayed up and read all of them; it gave her something to do.

Please consider yourselves hugged--each of you! You made the decision to focus on the good and to blur out the inconvenience. What great examples you are!

I was so concerned about how the mistake had impacted you, and yet not one person complained and only one person unsubscribed. After I wrote her a personal apology letter, she said, "Oh, please sign me back up. I like you're blog, I was just overwhelmed thinking I was going to get 20 every day!"

You're simply the best readers! It's not bragging to say that, because it's stating a fact! Thank you for your kindness. In this day and age, kindness goes a long way. Maybe that's the silver lining in the dreaded front page news of our day.

Our kindnesses stand out more than anything.

Here's a short example. The other day I was taking one of my two weekly trips to Starbucks. (This is good because I've cut back from going every day!) I was in the drive-thru line and just happened to notice the lady in the SUV behind me.

At first I thought she must have bad allergies because she was rubbing her eyes under her sunglasses. Then I noticed her nose was red, and thought, This poor lady is really sick with a bad cold. Then she took off her sunglasses to wipe tears. She wasn't sick, she was crying... a lot.

When I got to the window, I asked to pay for her coffee and asked the barista to let her know I would be praying for her that day.

The next week at Starbucks, the same man took my order. He said, "Remember that lady you bought the coffee for? She was stunned. She said she had just lost her job earlier that morning and that coffee was a sign that she was going to be provided for. She came back a few days later and paid for the person behind her. She said it was to celebrate that she got a new job!"

Where am I going with all of this?

Your kindness changed my Friday and my future. You kept me on the right track. I was tempted to throw away the blog. My husband, mother, and mother-in-law were cheering me on to do it because it takes me over 20 hours a week to bring it to you, and of course, I'm not paid.

They saw this blog as an opportunity for hard work, worrisome technology glitches, time away from my family and finishing my books, and not relaxing. I don't blame them; they love me. They want to protect me.

Your kindness expressed in your e-mails stopped me from ending something that I know full well I'm supposed to do with my life, and it even convinced my family that I should keep going forward.

My little act of noticing the tears of the lady behind me encouraged her that the door which closed that morning meant she would be opening a new one in the future.

Our giant good intentions do very little, if anything, in the world.

Your small kindnesses, smiles, encouraging e-mails, everyday actions like buying coffee, holding open a door for someone, smiling at the person who asks, "Do you want fries with that?", get multiplied to the tenth power. (A math metaphor--there's something I never thought I'd use!)

Etiquette (kind words and actions put into practice) have the power to change decisions, encourage actions, and strengthen faith. That's what etiquette, my brand at least, is all about.

This week may you and I continue to gain both 20/20 eyesight to see the voids around us and the urge to act on every opportunity to fill the voids with positive and powerful interactions.

In this day and age, you and I will make our own silver linings. We'll be the cool breeze and the sweet center of others' days. We might not change the world, but we'll positively impact the day of the people in our sphere. Then maybe they'll tell ten friends, then they'll tell ten friends....

Let's intentionally be kind to one another. Compliment someone who really isn't even doing a good job (waitress, cashier, teller, etc.), wish them a great day, and then step back and watch how your words change that person's countenance and bring a smile to his or her face. Then see if he or she doesn't pass it on.

It will be our own personal experiment. Get your kids to help. Have them open the doors for others and say, "Please, let me get this for you!" It's a fantastic lesson for them to see how their kind words and small actions affect others.

Some people will gush all over us and our children. Sadly, some people won't say a word of thanks. That's OK, too. It quickly shows our children how it makes others feel to have their kindnesses not noticed or appreciated. They'll be much more apt to say, "Thank you!" the next time someone does something nice for them.

Comment here about all you see and do this week. Share past stories, too. Let's make this page the starting point for a purposeful kindness groundswell. It's going to be fun to see how many cool breezes and silver linings we bring about!

Can't wait to read your comments! Let's make 20 comments our goal! So come on, share your stories with your blog family here!

Oh, and please come back Wednesday for Reader Q&A! We'll have "Seven Tips for What to Do in Church, Movies, and Other Public Events." One of the tips is about your backside...really! You'll love it!

See you in the comments section and then back here on Wednesday for great etiquette tips!

If you're new here, please take a moment and click on "Register by e-mail or RSS feed" to get free tips each week. We'll love having you as part of the family!

Blessings,

How to Eat the Very Hardest-to-Eat Food!

noreply@blogger.com (Maralee McKee) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:53:19 PDT

Greetings!

Yea! It's Friday!

Tonight my sweet husband and I are going on our first date since early December. Yes, I know; it's been much too long, and that's not good for a marriage. But for me, finding a good sitter is about as hard as securing front-row seats at a Hannah Montana concert.

Finally, we have not one but two new sitters (both college students), so I feel there are a few more date nights in my immediate future! I've been waiting months to enjoy a meal in a restaurant where no one at the table orders French fries, chicken fingers, plain pasta, or needs me to cut their meat. Kent, my husband, promised me he will do none of the above tonight, so I'm pretty much good to go!

We're going to a restaurant near our home that serves a fantastic grilled artichoke for an appetizer. It's yummy, but we've been there before with friends who refuse to order it because they don't know how to eat it.

I don't correct my friends' etiquette or share unsolicited advice, but when it comes to my favorite dish at one of my favorite restaurants, I have been known to offer my tablemates--what should we call it?--a free how-to demonstration! My offer hasn't been turned down yet!

Don't let the spiky, sophisticated veggie intimidate you! Artichokes are actually fun finger foods, complete with pulling the leaves through your teeth and disposing of the remains on your plate. It's, as one of my boys says, "fun eatin'!"

If you've not tried one, they are easy to cook in the microwave, and your kids will probably think it's fun. Give it a try one Friday night. They go great with pizza, which is a Friday night tradition in our house!

Today is Fast Facts Day! So here's your...

Fast Guide to Eating the Very Hardest-to-Eat Food: Artichokes!

I've broken it down into easy steps so you'll always artfully eat your artichoke!

Before cooking, the thorny tip of each leaf is cut off. Then the bottom steam is trimmed so that the artichoke will sit upright on your plate.
The artichoke needs to be served on a large enough plate so that there is room for the discarded leaves after each one is pulled through your teeth. If the artichoke is served on a small plate placed on top of a larger plate, then place the discarded leaves on the larger bottom plate. Sometimes an empty side plate or bowl will be brought to the table when the artichoke is served; if this is the case, dispose of the leaves in it.
Artichokes are served with sauce or melted butter. Spoon a small amount from the container onto the corner of your plate.
Pull one leaf at a time off with your hands.
Dip the leaf in butter or sauce.
Hold the leaf by the bottom and pull it through your teeth. This will scrape off the tasty edible portion. (This is what makes the kids think it's fun eatin'!)
Discard what's left of the leaf on the proper plate. Try to keep the leaves in a somewhat neat pile. Otherwise, it can begin to look like the bottom of a trash bag dropped open on your plate--not a pretty sight for your tablemates :)
The bottom of the artichoke is called the heart or fond, which is French for "bottom."
When you've eaten all the leaves, the tastiest part is about to be yours!
Cut out the fond with your knife and fork. It's easy!
Now cut the fond one bite at a time with your knife and eat it with your fork. Use your fork to dip each bite of the fond into the sauce.
Because artichokes are in part finger food, it's nice to serve warm damp towels to each guest afterwards so they can clean their fingers.

There you go! The hardest-to-eat food demystified and made easy! That's my passion: making every interaction easy for us to shine!

There are lots of recipes online, so why not look one up and serve your family this fun food? It just might be a new favorite!

Think of me tonight at 6:30 PM. If all goes according to plan, my sweetie and I will be sharing one!

Have a blessed weekend!