So… there is more poison in your smokes, and your stores have no other choice but to sell you them and only them, so what do you do?

Oh… I know…. buy mail order from another state, or buy online!!!!!

Not if your gov get’s their way…..

Effective July 28, 2009, Chapter 278, Laws of 2009, An Act Relating to internet and mail order sales of certain tobacco products makes it illegal for most tobacco products ordered or purchased by telephone, mail order, or through the Internet, to be shipped directly to consumers in Washington.

Online and Mail-Order Sales Of Tobacco Face a State Ban in NY

Effective July 1, 2008, 7 V.S.A. § 1010, An Act Relating to Internet and Mail Order Sales of Tobacco Products makes it illegal for cigarettes, roll-your-own tobacco, little cigars, or snuff, ordered or purchased by telephone, mail order, or through the Internet, to be shipped directly to consumers in Vermont.

Arizona smokes out mail-order customers.(INDUSTRY NEWS)(Brief Article)

U.S. Military Considers Complete Smoking and Tobacco Ban

And the list goes on and on

My fellow minions even if you are NOT a smoker yourself, you need to see that the average citizens rights are being stripped away day by day, make a stand, and contact your local state official and let them know that as an American in the ‘land of the free’ you will not stand for the gov. to infringe on our ‘god given rights’ let US vote whether or not to ban something, ‘we the people’ not ‘you in charge’

We elected you, we put you in power, and we shall remove you if you decide you know what’s better for us then we do.

we do not need you to decide how we should live our lives, this is after all still a country under the guise of democracy.

Contact your local news, contact your national news, start a grass roots campaign to get your rights back even if your not a smoker… cause you know what?

Once they are done with us, your next!

Until next time….

HAIL ME!

The following was taken from HERE: (The GREEN TEXT is from yours truly Lucifer Jones)

MYTH: There is no such thing as a cigarette that reduces the risk of fire.
FACT: Research by the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH), funded by the American Legacy Foundation, indicates several benefits of implementing the New York regulation. “Fire Safer” Cigarettes: The Effect of the New York State Cigarette Fire Safety Standard on Ignition Propensity, Smoke Toxicity and the Consumer Market” compared the physical properties of cigarettes sold in New York with cigarettes of the same brands sold in Massachusetts and California (before MA and CA implemented fire-safe cigarette laws). The report found that New York cigarettes were far less likely to exhibit full length burns (only 10 percent) than those of the other states (99.8 percent). The HSPH researchers found no valid reason why cigarette manufacturers should not sell lower ignition strength cigarettes nationwide. The Harvard study confirmed the 20-year-old conclusion of the Federal Technical Study Group on Cigarette and Little Cigar Fire Safety. This group, created by the Cigarette Fire Safety Act of 1984 (Public Law 98-567), concluded that it was technically feasible to develop cigarettes with a reduced propensity to ignite upholstered furniture and mattresses. As the Harvard study makes clear, the federal study was correct, and the tobacco industry can make reduced ignition strength cigarettes if it chooses to do so or is required to do so.
REALITY: BINGO! It’s A LIT OBJECT, NO MATTER WHAT IT COULD CAUSE A FIRE!

MYTH: Fire-safe cigarettes are more toxic.
FACT: There is no evidence that reduced ignition propensity cigarettes are any more harmful to health. A report by RJ Reynolds conducted in 1993 compared the tar per cigarette in prototype low-ignition propensity cigarettes. The report concludes: “Ames assay results were not higher for the prototype cigarettes than their respective controls, either on a revertant-per-mg-tar basis or a revertant-per-cigarette basis.”

The Harvard School of Public Health study also showed there were no substantial differences in toxicity when key indicators were measured for fire-safe cigarettes and their conventional counterparts. The report states, “The majority of smoke toxic compounds (14) tested were not different between New York and Massachusetts brands. Five compounds were slightly higher in New York brands. There is no evidence that these increases affect the already highly toxic nature of cigarette smoke.” The research found the majority of toxic compounds were no different between the smoke of the New York and Massachusetts brands that were tested. Five compounds were slightly higher, but no evidence exists that the small increases affect the already highly toxic nature of cigarette smoke. In addition, The New York State Office of Fire Prevention and Control (OFPC), which developed the New York State lower ignition strength cigarette regulation, consulted with the New York State Department of Health to consider whether cigarettes manufactured in accordance with the regulation may reasonably result in increased health risks to consumers. The Department of Health advised that cigarettes complying with the fire safety standards set forth in the regulation were not expected to significantly change the inherently high risks associated with cigarette smoking. (This determination was based upon the existing information available on banded cigarettes, the only technology known to OFPC at that time that could feasibly meet the performance standard).
REALITY: ALUMINUM, ETHYLENE VINYL ACETATE, AND OTHER NEW CHEMICHALS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO THESE ‘SAFE CIGS’

MYTH: People will behave carelessly with fire-safe cigarettes.
FACT: Even tobacco industry documents show that people will remain careful with the new types. A 1991 report of focus groups prepared for RJ Reynolds on consumer behavior with fire-safe cigarettes concludes, “virtually all respondents said they would not alter their current smoking behavior.” It goes against common sense to believe that people who have never before been reckless about how they smoke will suddenly become reckless because of a change in what they smoke. The millions of smokers who would like to be safer from fire should be given the tools that exist to save lives.
REALITY: THAT REALLY ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON, I FEEL THE BULK OF THE MASSES WILL LAX WITH THEIR SMOKING CAUSE THEIR GOV. SAYS IT’S ‘FIRE SAFE’

MYTH: Fire-safe cigarettes won’t save a single life.
FACT: Dr. John R. Hall, Jr., of the NFPA Fire Analysis & Research division, estimates that up to 1,000 lives could have been saved each year across the nation if lower ignition strength cigarettes had been required in every state in the mid-1980s when the federal study was released. Today, best estimates are still that most fire deaths involving lighted tobacco products would be prevented by this legislation, which would mean many hundreds of lives saved every year. According to a September 21, 2005, ABC News/ Associated Press report, fewer people have died in smoking-related fires since New York became the first state to require that tobacco companies sell self-extinguishing cigarettes.
REALITY: BINGO…. IN FACT THEY WILL CAUSE MORE DEATHS!  (RESEARCH THE NEW CHEMICALS THAT ARE IN THESE FSC SMOKES!) BYE BYE SMOKERS

MYTH: The cigarette industry doesn’t know how to make a fire-safe cigarette.
FACT: Chief John Mueller of the New York State Office of Fire Prevention and Control, who coordinated promulgation of New York’s rule, told the National Association of State Fire Marshals’ Science Advisory Committee that New York’s goal was to make cigarettes less likely to ignite upholstered furniture or mattresses. New York’s rule resulted in industry’s developing a technically and commercially practical method of designing cigarettes. This has been done, at least in some cases, by using banded paper that interrupts the burning of cigarettes when they are not being actively smoked. In addition, in October 2007, the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company announced that it will manufacture all of its cigarette brands using the “fire-safe” technology by 2009.
REALITY: PLEASE REMEMBER IT’S SMOKE… IT’S BAD… THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE SMOKE, AND IT’S ON FIRE…. THEREFORE IT’S DANGEROUS DUH!!

MYTH: There isn’t enough of the special paper to implement fire-safe cigarette laws in more than a few states.
FACT: The cigarette industry has already reworked its practices to produce the lower ignition strength cigarettes for states that have already passed fire-safe cigarette laws. Since the industry is already doing this, making the cigarettes for more states should be much easier.
REALITY: I ONLY WISH THAT WAS TRUE, IN REALITY SOMEONE WILL PRODUCE MORE, AND SELL MORE, AND THUS MAKE MORE MONEY, ALL WHILE KILLING THEIR CUSTOMERS.

MYTH: Alcohol and drug abuse are the real problems.
FACT: The mixing of drugs and alcohol with cigarette smoking increases the likelihood of a fatal fire. However, focusing only on behavioral issues and neglecting what can be done to make cigarettes less fire-prone is extremely dangerous. Personal responsibility may be an argument for the smoker who kills himself in one of these fires. But what about the innocent people – children, spouses, parents, visitors – who are killed in fires started by someone else’s careless behavior? According to NFPA, one in four victims is not the smoker whose cigarette ignited the fatal fire. They deserve to be protected, too. We cannot count on the war against drugs and alcohol to solve this problem. Changing human behavior is extremely difficult, but changing the cigarette to make it less likely to ignite a fire is something that cigarette manufacturers know how to do. Citizens in every state should be given the same opportunity to avoid being killed in a cigarette-ignited fire.
REALITY: MAYBE, BUT HALF ARE LEGAL, KILL MORE PEOPLE BUT DON’T WORRY, YOUR GOV WILL BY ADDING CYANIDE TO YOUR FAV BEER SOON JUST TO MAKE IT ‘SAFER’

MYTH: The lack of fire sprinklers is the real problem.
FACT: Fire sprinklers in every American home would definitely improve overall fire safety, and is a good way to ensure redundancy of safety measures. However, fire sprinklers extinguish fires once they occur, which means that we have failed to prevent the fire. Smoke alarms are also necessary in homes to alert people when fires do occur, but they do nothing to prevent fires, either. Also, if the cigarette falls near the head of a sleeping smoker, the smoldering fire can produce enough carbon monoxide to kill him or her before there is enough heat from the burning chair/bed to activate the sprinkler.
REALITY: UM…. NO COMMENT LOL

MYTH: An un-educated public is the real problem.
FACT: Local fire departments and other community safety officials do a very good job of informing the public about fire safety. Despite these public safety campaigns, cigarette fire deaths are still far too common. Part of the problem is that even with education, someone who is impaired by alcohol or drug use is less likely to remember a fire safety lesson. And education does not save the innocent victims who are killed in cigarette-ignited fires just because they happened to be in the same residence at the time the fire occurred.
REALITY: BINGO…. IF THE PUBLIC REALLY KNEW WHAT WAS BEING DONE UNDER THEIR NOSES THEY WOULD FIGHT TO STOP IT, BUT SADLY MOST OF YOU ARE SHEEP AND WILL GO WHEREVER YOU ARE LEAD NO QUESTIONS ASKED!

MYTH: Upholstered furniture and mattresses are the real problems.
FACT: Fire safety is about redundancy in safety measures, and cigarettes should not get a free pass. We need to try to prevent fires by addressing ignition sources and fuels, as well as human behavior, and we need to have smoke alarms and sprinklers in place in case our efforts at preventing fires fail. Upholstered furniture and mattresses have had enhanced cigarette resistance for decades, thanks to an industry standard in the first case and an early regulation of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) in the second. But it may be decades before every American household has fire-resistant furniture and mattresses. Cigarettes are purchased and used much more quickly than furniture. Lower ignition strength cigarettes can therefore have a positive effect on the fire problem much sooner.
REALITY: UMM… YEAH BLAME THAT STUPID COUCH FOR THE FIRE (ERROR ERROR ERROR)

MYTH: The push for fire-safe cigarettes is just an anti-smoking campaign.
FACT: The Coaltion for Fire-Safe Cigarettes is concerned about fire safety, and preventing deaths and injuries from cigarette-ignited fires. This is not about getting people to stop smoking or to smoke less. This is about making sure that the cigarettes that are smoked are less likely to cause fires.
REALITY: B I N G O!  IT’S ACTUALLY A GENIUS PLAN, PUT MORE DEADLY STUFF INTO THE SMOKES, KILL OFF SMOKERS,  THE ONES WHO FIND OUT WHAT’S INSIDE WILL QUIT SMOKING. THIS IS SIMPLY YET ANOTHER ATTACK ON SMOKERS IN ‘THE LAND OF THE FREE’

MYTH: The state-by-state campaign should be stopped to focus on the tobacco companies and a federal standard.
FACT: The progress of this grassroots campaign has been amazing and stunningly fast. In less than two years, 20 states have adopted the same standard to better protect their residents. States are recognizing the need to offer their residents this available protection. Having consistent laws on the books gives the states the monitoring and enforcement power they need to regulate all cigarettes being manufactured and sold within their borders. It is important to continue this effort. Of course, the tobacco companies could do this on their own even more quickly and the Coalition has urged them to do that for nearly two years. There is no guarantee that a federal standard would be consistent with laws being adopted at the state level. Any change or debate would cause unnecessary confusion and delay. Any delay means more people will die needlessly.
REALITY: WELL IT SHOULD JUST BE STOPPED AND REPEALED!

MYTH: This issue can be addressed by a federal standard.
FACT: The first national cigarette fire safety law was proposed in the 1970s. There is no basis to believe that Congress is prepared to move on cigarette fire safety legislation. Since the last Congressional study came out in 1993, some 10,000 Americans have died as a result of cigarette fires. Until a strong fire safety standard can be enacted by the U.S. Congress, we must pursue regulation at the state level.
REALITY: PLEASE SEE PRIOR RESPONSE ABOVE

MYTH: A state legislature shouldn’t act because data doesn’t show how effective the law will be.
FACT: Rigorous design and testing of the test method over two decades correlates the laboratory tests to real-world fires. ASTM, the private non-profit standards-setting organization, refined the test developed by the National Institute of Standards and Technology. The tobacco industry participated in the governmental and ASTM processes. It’s common sense: a cigarette that burns to its full length generates more heat and is more likely to cause a fire than one that self extinguishes half way down. Moreover, a January 2005 CNBC segment shown at the joint Senate committee hearing in February 2005, provides a compelling demonstration of the preventative effects of reduced-ignition cigarettes: a fire safe cigarette extinguished in about five minutes; a standard cigarette smoldered for more than two hours before the test upholstered chair burst into flames.
REALITY: UM… NO COMMENT

MYTH: Cigarette sales dropped in New York because of the law that requires fire-safe cigarettes.
FACT: The January 2005 Harvard School of Public Health study shows that no change in per capita cigarette sales occurred in New York when comparing the five months following their regulation compared with the corresponding time period the year before. The report found “New York has experienced no decline in cigarette sales or excise tax payments since the standard went into effect.” A 2.5% drop in cigarette revenue was “found not to be statistically significant when accounting for month-to-month and state-to-state variation.” In addition, because the price was not raised and many consumers have not even noticed the change, any decrease in sales would most likely be attributed to other factors, such as decreased smoking rates.
REALITY: I KNOW MYSELF AND OTHERS OF THE HELL STAFF WILL ONLY BUY NON FSC SMOKES FROM OUT OF STATE FROM NOW ON… AND WE ARE CONVERTING MORE AND MORE PEOPLE TO DO THE SAME, SO YEAH IT WILL MAKE SALES DROP

MYTH: State cigarette tax revenue will evaporate.
FACT: The Harvard School of Public Health researchers reviewed New York tax data for six months after the implementation of the new law. They found the lower ignition strength cigarettes appeared to have no effect on sales of cigarettes in New York. NASFM President and New York State Fire Administrator James A. Burns concurred with the analysis, saying the state has not lost revenue.
REALITY: SEE PRIOR RESPONSE

MYTH: The law discriminates against “mom and pop” retailers.
FACT: The fire-safe cigarette laws apply to all retail cigarette sales, so there is no discrimination on the size of the retailer.
REALITY: SEE PRIOR RESPONSE

Until next time….

HAIL ME!

FIRE SAFE CIGARETTES OR..     FIRE DEADLY CIGARETTES

^ Main Pro Site ^                 OR..          ^ Random Anti Site ^

What exactly is that you might ask?

Well if you are a smoker there is a good chance you may already be  smoking them!

Here’s a quick rundown on them:

Fire-safe cigarettes are a proven, practical, and effective way to eliminate the risk of cigarette-ignited fires. The use of cigarettes that have a reduced propensity to burn when left unattended will help prevent tens of thousands of cigarette-ignited fires each year.

Are They Safe?

Well of course not their CIGARETTES! Your lighting something on fire and sucking it into your body… granted you and I KNOW THIS and we even accept this for whatever reason, but Sadly I can’t telly you 100% if these new FSC smokes are “safer” , as there are MANY conflicting ‘reports’ regarding what has been put into the cigs to make them “fire safe”

WHERE ARE THEY BEING SOLD?

According to the official website, 99.8% of the US population is now or soon protected from cigarette fires thanks to state-passage of fire-safe cigarette legislation.

Red states = States that ARE selling (nothing but) FSC packs / cartons now

Green States = Getting ready to (and it’s outdated as Michigan started yesterday to stock shelves with the FSC smokes)

Yellow = Have Not Done  Anything Yet (Thanks Wyoming!)

SO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?

WHAT’S IN THEM TO MAKE THEM ‘SAFER’?

Here’s one of many videos that you can find on Youtube (I know not the most reputable news site lol) that explains the NEW CHEMICALS that are used to “make your smokes safer”  I have ONE huge problem with this video, and it’s due solely to the fact the maker of the video SELLS CUSTOM TOBACCO, however it does not change the fact that the gentleman displays the actual MSDS data sheet information on the actual chemicals found in the new FSC smokes.

HOW DO I KNOW MY SMOKES ARE FSC???

Each and every pack (and carton) will bear the 3 letters FSC on them, if your pack has these letters congratulations your breathing in many new and exciting toxins into your lungs such as aluminum, an active  ingredient of mothballs,  Ethylene Vinyl Acetate and more.

Your best line of defense is to throw them away and go out and buy a bag of tobacco and rolling papers (or tubes)

Then you might not get the nice new trauma that has been linked to the above named chemicals that are now being introduced to you.

WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP  THIS?

Not to be a total downer here,  but pretty much NOTHING, your ‘owners’ have made this choice FOR YOU, and I highly doubt they will reverse it, they HATE SMOKERS, for whatever reason (most of them ARE SMOKERS TOO!) And they have gone out of their way to tax the hell out of you, limit where you can smoke, how you can smoke, what you can smoke etc etc.

There is an online petition located HERE

The organizers of that petition also have a BLOG HERE

And I also will be putting up more posts about this attack on smokers rights!

Until next time…  HAIL ME!

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here….

Just stopping by to explain my absence as of late, THIS is one of my 2nd busiest times of the year, the dreaded Back To School Time!

From Aug - Sept Hell is SWAMPED with “deals” seems everyone wants to to sell their soul around this time lol

Moms and Dads so they can afford the supplies

Boys, so they can get the girl this year, or to not be bullied like last year

Girls, so they are popular, skinny, and get nailed by the football team

Teachers, for the raise in pay that will never come

Principles, so they don’t get caught drinking in the office and banging teenage girls

And the list goes on and on.

It’s times like this when I have to sit back and laugh when people think  I’m “loosing” the numbers game with god, if anything Heaven is becoming more and more empty by the day, and here in hell once again we are going to have to expand in order to accommodate the influx of new souls.

Well… I hate to cut this short but my work is never done, I will be back in full evil swing in the next week or so

Until next time…..

HAIL ME!

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here, Since most of you will be heading back to school in the next 7-14 days I thought I’d take a few moments to teach you all….

ATTENTION BOYS AND GIRLS…

Are you an outsider or do you think you stand out from the crowd? Perhaps you just could care less what people think about you and are sick of stuck up people and their pointless little cliques.

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Although there are already many cliques out there to choose from, you need one that tells people your different, special, and you walk to the beat of your own broken drum!

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Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here, Today I wanted to take a moment and introduce you to some of the  main Staff here in Hell, you can also read in more detail by clicking on HELL’S AUTHORS on the top of the page!

At any rate, from the photo, you have:

Lucifer Jones, Azrael, Bezzlebub

and now without further ado, lets meet the main staff of Hell….

Lucifer Jones:
Aka: Satan, The Devil, The Evil One

Once God’s right hand man, and one of the seven “creators”
of earth, Lucifer met his fate one night during the first (and last)
deity Poker Tourney, the game lasted 6 months, 6 days and 6 hours, till
the only two left player were God and Lucifer.

God lost and since he was such a sore looser, he first killed 3 of the
deities that were making fun of him, and then he banished Lucifer to
earth for the rest of eternity.

Awhile later Lucifer would construct
Hell, and got into a “Numbers Game” with God, where at the
end of the world, whoever had the most souls under their control would
rule over Heaven and Earth.

These days Lucifer spends his time online
trying to set the record straight about himself, and show the world
who the true bad guy is.

Greetings my fellow minions,Lucifer Jones here.

I wanted… no I NEEDED to take a lil break from “The Devil’s History” cause truth be told it really brings back a lot of bad memories for me, and well, I’ll get back to the history at a later date.

Today however, I want to take some time and look back 40 years today to one of my GREATEST FEATS EVER!

WOODSTOCK.

I know what your thinking, What the hell did the devil have to do with woodstock??

But IF you know ANYTHING about Woodstock it really is a no brainer lol.

The idea of a bunch of hippy freaks gathered together for peace and love just made me sick so my original idea was to make sure it never ever happened, so I set out to make sure that WoodStock would not happen.

First up, The concert was originally scheduled to take place in Wallkill, in the 300-acre Mills Industrial Park. I went to Wallkill and influenced the Town residents and they immediately opposed the project, they needed an iron clad “legal loophole’ to stop the concert so I spoke with the town board and gave them their loophole…

Wallkill Zoning Board of Appeals officially banned the concert on the basis that the planned portable toilets would not meet town code.

I thought that I had won, and there would not be a Woodstock at all, but little did I know, Michael Lang was not going to give up so easy!

Michael Lang met up with Elliot Tiber, who owned the 80-room El Monaco Motel on White Lake in Bethel. he offered to host the event on his 15 acres. When it was clear the site was too small, Tiber introduced the promoters to dairy farmer, Max Yasgur, initially on the premise that Yasgur’s land would rent for $50 for a festival attracting 5,000.

On July 20, 1969, Yasgur, meeting with the organizers at a White Lake restaurant called The Lighthouse, agreed to rent 600 acres for $75,000.

I leaked News of the event was leaked to local radio station WVOS even before Yasgur and the organizers left the restaurant.

I got a lot of the residents to opose the concert and they put up signs proclaiming, “Buy No Milk. Stop Max’s Hippy Music Festival,” Bethel Town Attorney Frederick W. V. Schadt and building inspector Donald Clark approved the permits, but the Bethel Town Board at my urging, refused to issue them formally. Clark was ordered to post Stop Work orders, but the promoters tore them down.

Fearing chaos as thousands began descending on the community, Bethel did not enforce its codes. Eventually as my last ditch attempt to foil the festivial, I contacted radio stations and had people discouraged from setting off to the festival and the traffic jams were described on television news programs.

So… it was clear that Woodstock was going to go off as planned, but I decided to throw yet another monkey wrench into the mix… I tore down part of the fence so people could get in for FREE (Your Welcome Minions!)

So thanks to me, what started off to be a concert to make money, turned into the world’s largest 3 day freebie lol

But I did not stop there, I had 400,000 people in one spot, so I decided to have a little fun:

I spread the rumors that the brown acid was poisoned, I pulled “Country Joe” McDonald aside and told him he should start off his set by making the crowd chant FUCK over and over (hoping it would set off a fight or two) he did, they chanted, but no fights.

All in all, the weekend was a blast, what I did to set out to destroy the concert I can honestly say is the REASONS the show went the way it did, and for that I The Real Devil MADE WOODSTOCK!

Until next time….

HAIL ME!

to recap the story:

I beat God in the first “Deity Poker Tourney” he cast me out of “heaven” and banished me to Hell and Earth, he showed up and posed a “game”

Whichever one of us could gain the most souls by the time his son (Jesus) came back to Earth (for the second time) would have total control over heaven and earth….

As I stood at what would become the Gates Of Hell, I had to create a place both big enough but also “scary” enough (as per God’s last request to me) to strike fear into the hearts and souls of all living people, now God’s idea of scary and MY idea of scary differ GREATLY lol, but at any rate, I began to construct my new underworld….

I made it 42 levels (although God instructed Dante to say there was 9 lol) each with it’s own theme to this day not ALL 42 levels are even finished, and we are constantly remodeling to make room for more and more souls, but I had the main levels finished by the earth year of 1925.

I decided to humor God (don’t ask me why) and I DID in fact construct 9 levels of Hell as Dante described in his little book of lies, But I made sure I put MY OWN spin on them, and make no mistake DANTE NEVER EVER EVER VISITED HELL!

The first nine levels of hell were:

• Level 01 Limbo
  Unlike what Dante wrote about, Limbo is exactly what a child would think it was, a HUGE demon Limbo contest, you must FIRST take part in the limbo contest before you can be placed in Hell, I know it might sound like fun and games, BUT don’t let me forget to mention, the limbo stick is ON FIRE!

• Level 02 The Lustful
  This level is just plain SICK! imagine tons and tons of the most beautiful women as far as the eye can see, glorious breasts flawless bodies, and the faces of “angels” sounds great right? now imagine your there, no mouth, arms or legs, just forced to LOOK upon all this flesh, never able to partake in it.

• Level 03 The Gluttonous
  Ahh we all want more, and in this level there’s always more, no matter what it is, you’ll never have enough, try as you might, it will never be right, day and night you’ll try to fill the void, but each time you fill it, it will empty out again.

• Level 04 The Hoarders and the Spendthrifts
  Imagine a place where no matter what you have, it is taken from you, that is what awaits the damed in this level of Hell, when you arrive you have EVERYTHING you had when you were alive, but the minute you try to touch it, it vanishes, when all is gone, it all reappears, only to repeat over and over again.

• Level 05 The River Styx - The Wrathful and the Sullen
  Believe it or not, I sort of phones this one in, it’s just an endless river, and your boat is full of holes lol

• Level 06 The City of Dis - The Heretics
  This level is a giant church where 24 hours a day for the rest of your afterlife you will be bombarded with readings from EVERY religion, known and unknown, there is no escape from this level, but there are weekend passes lol

• Level 07 The Violent
  This one is one of my personal favorites, remember the old PBS shows, Sesame Street, Mr.Rogers, Mr. Dressup and others? can you fathom an entire world like those shows? a world so full of love and happiness that it literally oozes from everywhere? that’s what’s in store for you in this level of hell!

• Level 08 Malebolge - The Fraudulent
  In this level (another phoned in level I must admit) the damned are faced to relive each and every one of their lies.

• Level 09 Cocytus - The Traitors
  This is another favorite of mine, in this level of hell the damned are forced to live the most mundane of lives, crappy job, crappy house, crappy wife and kids, everything about it is crappy, and nothing ever goes their way, it’s pretty much like not being dead at all lol

• Level 10 The Exits From Hell
  Scattered around hell are doors that lead to various places on earth, as said in the CW show “Reaper” “Pretty much anyplace on earth that feels like hell is a portal to hell” truer words were never spoken, with the proper pass, the damned are free to go back and forth from hell and earth via the various exits from hell.
  

To Be Continued Soon

Greetings My Fellow Minions, Lucifer Jones here, picking up where I left off yesterday with the TRUE story of my history…

just to recap

I beat God in the first “Deity Poker Tourney” that lasted 6 months, 6 days, and 6 hours, he pitched the biggest hissyfit ever (at that time) and decided that he would cast me (kick me) out of “heaven” and banish me to the worst place on earth for the rest of my days…

God looked down upon earth and spotted a barren area of land (which would later be named Las Vegas aka “Sin City” LOL) and he told me I would spend the rest of eternity there, I asked him if there was ANY way I could come back to Heaven and he said point blank….

“When my son returns to Earth for the second time (The Second Coming) you may come home” (Little did I know that would never ever happen lol) so I packed my stuff (surprisingly I had very little) and said goodbye to what little group of deities there were left, before I finally headed down to earth God stopped my at the gates and said….

“From this day forth your real name will be stripped from you, the world will NEVER know the truth of your nature, you will forever be known to be the cause of all pain and misery and you will be known by many many names, but none will be your true name.”

And he continued… (man this fuck can really hold a grudge!)

“You will NEVER be allowed to step foot in my kingdom again, until the day of my son’s second coming, you may reign on earth until then, and should you choose to fight me, I will raise an army upon you that will never be defeated”

And he STILL continued, but honestly I stopped listening to his holier then thou ass lol, what I did NOT know was at that time his son Jesus (half son really) was already on earth spreading lies and propaganda about me ME! and they (Jesus and his “sheep”) were working on this book (The Bible) that would pretty much be all about what a bad bad guy I was, and how God single-handedly did everything and he cast me to Hell….

So, I went to earth and wandered the deserts (again the same ones that would later be called “Las Vegas” and I started to create my army of souls.

The plan was, to round up enough people and try to take back heaven, I had already contacted a few of the deities that had left Heaven awhile back, and they were all for it, mainly cause they had also heard about this book Jesus and his sheep were working on, it pretty much said that there was ONLY ONE GOD when in reality there were HUNDREDS of gods and goddesses!

We lived in the shadows, meer shells of our formers selves, Jesus’s sheep would see us and they would yell and scream, (the lies had already gotten blown WAY out of proportion) I headed to Egypt and chatted with Rah (the sun god) and I made him a deal, if he gave me his powers I would make sure he ruled over Heaven once we got rid of God, he was more then happy to take the deal, since God and his son turned most of Rah’s people against him that same week.

So I headed back to the desert to my people, and with my new powers I created what would forever be known as Hell….

I was standing at the base of what would later become Hell, and before I could even get started creating this great new world who showed up? GOD! I was both pleased to see my old friend and PISSED OFF….

“What do you want?” I asked him

“Look, I know what your planning on doing, and I have an idea” God said

“Go on” I said kind of puzzled

“Well, you know I love games, and I so hate to loose, But here me out here” replied God

God went on to explain to me that his book was done, my fate was pretty much sealed, BUT he was willing to give me a fighting chance to take over heaven, with what he called a numbers game.

The rules were simple, NEITHER OF US COULD DIRECTLY GET INVOLVED WITH MAN (and women) Humans had “Free-Will” whoever had the most souls at the “end of the world” would be the final ruler of Heaven & Earth.

Now, I’m no dummy, I knew God would never fight fair, he never did before WHY would he start now, I asked him HOW we were supposed to get souls in this little games of his, and he explained…

Since Adam & Eve had eaten the apple, God was holding that against EVERY man woman and child for the rest of time, everyone would be born in sin because of that little act (told you he was a petty ego freak lol)

There was a list of 10 “rules” that God’s followers HAD to follow IF they wanted to make it to heaven when they died. Anyone who did NOT follow the rules would go to me, if they DID follow the rules they would go to God, in the end the one of us with the most souls would win TOTAL control of heaven and earth.

It sounded pretty easy, and I was pretty damn sure I would win this little game, we agreed to meet up every few years and see how each other was doing in the soul game, I asked God if he would continue to keep spreading the lies about me, he simply laughed and said “OF COURSE!”

He vanished and I was left alone standing at the gates of hell…

To Be Continued Tomorrow

Greetings my fellow minions,
Lucifer Jones here.

Thanks to the TONS (and I do mean TONS) of emails and Tweets I’ve gotten over the past few months I figured I should just go ahead and tell my side of the story as it were.

See, since the dawn of religious texts, I’ve been made out to be the bad-guy, the evil one, the reason for ALL the bad in the world, and that is NOT THE CASE!

I’ve decided to finally set the record straight and tell all of you what the REAL STORY of God and Me is!

So, sit back, grab a drink and or a smoke and read the REAL story of my history….

In the beginning it was dark, (you know the drill) and then “WE” created the earth, by “WE” I mean there was about 7 of us total all the names are not important at this very moment, and truth be told if they were really so worried about getting the credit that God took from them they would be out there doing as I have been doing!

Anyway so the 7 of us created the earth, well more like 6 of us and God played the role of ‘foreman’ cause he pretty much just stood around and watched us all do all the damn work! (I was responsible for most of the desert landscapes, and what would later be named “Detroit Michigan”)

Once the general topography was created, it was time to breath life to this weird new little rock, I went first and created the dinosaurs, they were a huge pain in the ass I must admit looking back, HUGE bodies, tiny tiny friggan brains!

After a while God wiped them out with a….. nah it’s not important lol, but at any rate they were wiped off the planet, and we were told to start over from scratch.

this time ALL 7 of us got in on the creating of “animals” (mine were snakes and reptiles DUH and… well, umm, ok fine… the sheep) After we had created all the various types of animals, (and plants and so forth) we pretty much just sat back and watched, (we did that allot actually) and after awhile we got pretty BORED!

So God came up with this idea, (Man) and the rest of us were like WTF??? but God stuck to his guns and created this thing he called man… later to be renamed simply “Adam” (we figured out in a VERY short time that the real reason God created this “Adam” was so that Adam would worship God lol, what a ego huh?)

So at any rate the next few years we all just sat back and watched Adam, and BOY was Adam DULL! you could not believe the shit he got himself into (these days it would have been a high rated reality TV show lmao) but God loved every minute of it, forcing Adam to “pray” and “worship” him.

God tried to get the rest of us to “play along” with Adam but no one but God was interested in the “game” in fact, the other 5 (creators) got so fed up with God and his ego that they literally just LEFT! and it ended up being JUST me and God.

meanwhile Adam was whining like a little bitch EVERY DAY to God, “God I’m Lonely, God send me a companion, God I’m BORED” I sooooo just wanted to take Adam out, but God just wouldn’t let me (fucker!) but God did give Adam what he asked for AND it turned out to be Adam’s Demise as well….. EVE

You all know how that story went, BUT it was in fact a bit twisted, allow me to set the record straight.

I CREATED EVE, NOT GOD! (Makes PERFECT SENSE HUH?) well honestly folks, YOUR WELCOME! if it was up to god “Eve” would have been a carbon copy of “Adam” and I was tired of watching one of him as it was, so, I dug down deep into my brain and created the perfect image of pure beauty, and Eve was created…. BUT of course there was a catch….

Since Adam was such a whiny little bitch, I had to put a stipulation on him getting a little playmate, I told God “Make him give up part of his body to get his wish” God scoffed at me, but I persisted until he finally gave in, so God went to Adam and told him, “Give me two ribs and you shall have your mate” Adam concurred and let God take his ribs (DUMBASS LMAO) and God brought the ribs to me and I hung them up on my wall (I still have them to this very day!)

I got to work creating Eve and then sent her down to Adam, what followed was pretty much the first “Porn” which of course God never watched, but I was all for it! ALL THEY DID for months and months was have sex, all over “gods green earth” lol I have to admit that I grew tired of it, So to make a stop to it I created my next greatest goof of all time…. Menstruation! (Sorry guys, Blame Adam lol)

so while Eve is all “Raggin” and Adam is wishing he never gave up his ribs for all of this, God decided it was time to have some fun with our creations, he set forth one and only one rule “Do Not Eat From This Tree” (you know the tree lol) well that was enough to set Eve off on a wild tear, she bitched for DAYS and DAYS about Adam being a looser, and why couldn’t they have nice things like the apples from the tree.

It was about 3 months later (I think) when Adam finally had enough, he picked an apple from the tree, handed it to Eve and she took a bite……

WHAMO God appeared in front of them and banished them from “paradise” and sent them out on their own without any more help or guidance from him (funny thing God NEVER gave them any guidance prior to that point so they really did not miss anything lol)

When he got back “home” he went on a tirade he yelled and screamed and threw a bunch of stuff around, and I was just laughing, God could just NOT STAND the fact that these “slaves” these “tools” for his own amusement would NOT submit to his will. (Looking back I think that moment might have been the first ever “Emo” moment in history lol)

God pretty much stayed in his “room” for the next hundred years or so and he didn’t speak to me at all.

(He later would twist the truth and stick ALL the blame on ME!)

So, Adam and Eve went on with their “lives” they had kids, who had kids who had kids etc etc and this went on for years and years and years, God FINALLY came out of his funk and decided to look in on his new little world “he” had “created” needless to say he was NOT HAPPY (and again who did he blame?)

I shrugged it off, and God and I just went about our normal lifes together, we really were like best friends (BFF’S as you kids would say lol) we played cards almost every night, and for shits and giggles we would fuck with the people on earth, till one night, we had called a bunch of gods over (of course there’s more then just “God” lol) and we held the first ever “Deity Poker Tourney”

The tourney lasted 6 months, 6 days, and 6 hours (666 get it???) it was down to just me and god, and I had the best hand EVER, (god was bluffing and BAD!) so I went all in, god showed his hand…. (PURE SHIT!) I showed my hand and WON! All the other deities laughed and cracked jokes at God, and God just lost his mind!

within a few mins God blew up 3 of the deities, and destroyed “Sodom” everyone ran, (I stood there) I was literally shocked! I mean I knew he had one hell of an ego but I could have NEVER predicted what was to come next……

God told me that I was to be cast from heaven and banished me to the deepest depths of “Hell” (at the time it did not even have a name)

To Be continued Tomorrow…

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here,

By now I would think that you know what’s in this entry, so I will not repeat myself again,

I just want to point out the sheer irony that this ended up taking SIX posts to fit it all in.

Does that mean something?????

Who knows lol.

All I know is that it really was not planned…..

Well maybe just a little bit

So without further ado, here we go…..

LUCIFER JONES PRESENTS: MAKE THE WORLD A MORE INTERESTING PLACE VOLUME SIX SIX SIX:

The following @therealdevil “Tweets” were written from July 20th - Aug 6th 2009

• Make The World More Interesting: Use midgets as footstools / or stick them in your carry on bags
  
• Make The World More Interesting: walk into a schoolyard screaming FUCK-Fuck-fuckety-fuck (pull the turrets card if caught)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: shrink your mom’s clothes, then ask her if she’s getting fat
  
• Make The World More Interesting: send a pork-roast to your muslim friends
  
• Make The World More Interesting: put thumb tacks all over your guest bed
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up the hospital ask for a cadaver (tell them your LONELY)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: give sponge bathes to the elderly moan with delight while you do it
  
• Make The World More Interesting: during your next first date open with this question…. what are your views on fisting?
  
• Make The World More Interesting: drench your arm in kerosene, light it and fist fuck a goat
  
• Make The World More Interesting: carry around a ventriloquist dummy and pick up chicks
  
• Make The World More Interesting: LADIES carry around a beaver in a sack, ask people if they want to see your beaver
  
• Make The World More Interesting: offer shoe-shines to amputees
  
• Make The World More Interesting: coat your ex’s vibrator with itching powder / creme
  
• Make The World More Interesting: send your ex lots of fat ppl porn links
  
• Make The World More Interesting: photoshop your neighbors faces onto pornstars, print them and hang um around town
  
• Make The World More Interesting: wet your pants on the bus, sit there crying
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to disney land, grab mickey’s crotch
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to disney land, Kick Mickey in the crotch and scream “THIS IS FOR GOOFY!”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up a chinese food place, tell them your the pound, ask if they need anything
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up random ppl, tell them you thought you were calling the suicide hotline
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go door to door preaching the gospel of soccer gollies (THEY SAVE!)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: dress up like a bull and head to a china shop
  
• Make The World More Interesting: write post-it-notes that say “Pick up genital wart cream” leave them on your friends stuff
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up a physic, keep saying “I KNEW YOU’D SAY THAT!”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up radio stations and DEMAND they play the Oscar Myer bologna song
  
• Make The World More Interesting: get a will drawn up, for your imaginary friend
  
• Make The World More Interesting: hold a funeral, for your imaginary friend
  
• Make The World More Interesting: find a fire (house, building etc) bring a stick and a bag of marshmallows
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to the park, try to buy people’s kids
  
• Make The World More Interesting: glue quarters to the floor and watch ppl try to take them
  
• Make The World More Interesting: tape a dollar bill to a string, take it to the titty bar
  
• Make The World More Interesting: walk around looking up and saying “Wow….. never saw that before”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: fondle your self in line at the bank
  
• Make The World More Interesting: wear silk stalkings to church (and nothing else)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: dress up like me and go to a revival
  
• Make The World More Interesting: buy an urn, put it next to your BBQ, ask your friend how they like the cook-out
  
• Make The World More Interesting: make love to your mrs.butterworth bottle on the subway
  
• Make Church More Interesting: run around holding your butt and cry, “I can’t believe the preacher did that”
  
• Make Church More Interesting: drink the wine and scream “WOW God Must have been like 120 proof!”
  
• Make Church More Interesting: Ask if you can bath in the holy water
  
• Make Church More Interesting: sip the holy water and then spit it out yelling “WHO PISSED IN THE HOLY WATER”
  
• Make Church More Interesting: take a few hookers with you
  
• Make Church More Interesting: dress up like a bum (see if you get tossed out)
  
• Make Church More Interesting: light up a joint
  
• Make Church More Interesting: drink a fifth
  
• Make The World More Interesting: kidnap children, give them tattoos, then send them back home
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to a taping of oprah, tape tampons under all the seats
  
• Make The World More Interesting: tell dirty jokes to nuns
  
• Make The World More Interesting: hire a midget to follow you everywhere, dress them up like an umpa loompa
  
• Make The World More Interesting: coat all the doorknobs in your friends house with butter
  
• Make The World More Interesting: get a few tards together and have a tard-o-lympics!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Replace all the kids movies at blockbuster with hard core porn!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Tape over “Books On Tape” with Readings From The Phonebook
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Glues money to the sidewalk, record ppl who try to snatch it… then YOUTUBE!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Put your dead relatives on the web
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Sign up for credit cards under your pets name
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Book a flight, tell them your bringing 4 caskets with you, but their small, ask about overhead storage
  
• Make The World More Interesting: duct tape your pets to the ceiling, then invite your neighbors over to see
  
• Make The World More Interesting: strip naked, cover yourself in glow in the dark paint, run through town at 4am
  
• Make The World More Interesting: look through the obituary’s, call the survivors and ask to talk to the deceased.
  
• Make The World More Interesting: open up a petting zoo with dead animals
  
• Make The World More Interesting: shave and then tye-dye your pets
  
• Make The World More Interesting: dress your pet up like a clown, then let it loose around town…. tape the reaction
  
• Make The World More Interesting: try to have phonesex with bill collectors
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Call Jenny Craig and order 10 pizzas, DON’T GIVE UP!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Try to enlist your pets to the military

PHEEEWWWWW

Until Next Time…….

HAIL ME!

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here

This might be tired old news to some of you BUT I was just alerted to this a few days ago, and after I finished laughing my evil ass off I figured I should share it with you the readers of Hell’s Blog…

Marriage historically was created as yet another ego stroke for God,  I remember when he first came up with the whole idea, he actually  stopped by and told me all about it, I was shocked, I mean he already had all the churches, mindless sheep followers AND he had managed to convince damn near  the entire world that I was the “big bad wolf”

At any rate, Marriage is “sacred” and the ceremony itself should be quiet and serious (according to God) and granted sometimes people stray from those “rules” but it wasn’t until two people Jill & Kevin Kheinz took it upon themselves to turn their wedding ceremony into a night club event, check it out below

Now, this is really nothing new, BUT it was the first time something like this got NATIONAL MEDIA ATTENTION and a whopping 18,000,000 + views.  A few weeks later and the ’story’ has been spread through the internet like ‘wild-fire’ and the ’story’ has made it to various national news programs.

I for one am ALL FOR WHAT THEY DID! for a number of reasons, the most important reason would have to be the fact that it goes totally against what ‘The Whiny One’ expects from such an event.

If more of you out there would follow suit, we could take marriage away from god and give it back to the people involved!

Until next time….

HAIL ME!

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here,

Well here we grow again, I honestly NEVER thought when I started this five days ago that it would really take five days to list all of these lol,

For those of you late to the party…

I’ve been posting some funny little tid bits on Twitter @therealdevil Originally they were “Make The World More Evil”

then they evolved into “Spread More Evil” & “Make The World More Interesting” and a few other wordings.

Well, just for your viewing pleasure I will attempt to copy/paste all my current tweets of “Make The World More Interesting” here.

For the record 99% of these were written by yours truly AND I write them off the top of my devilish head lol

So without further ado, here we go…..

LUCIFER JONES PRESENTS: MAKE THE WORLD A MORE INTERESTING PLACE VOLUME FIVE:

The following @therealdevil “Tweets” were written from July 17th - July 20th 2009

• Make The World More Interesting: line up snails and race them…. on the freeway

• Make The World More Interesting: walk through town holding a huge blank sign

• Make The World More Interesting: carry a boombox (remember those?) play opera music in the hood

• Make The World More Interesting: give headstones as christmas gifts

• Make The World More Interesting: write you phone number on bathroom walls, then answer it “Police Station”

• Make The World More Interesting: carry old people’s groceries…. back to your house!

• Make The World More Interesting: trick your uncle into cybersex then blackmail him later

• Make The World More Interesting: respond to singles ad’s tell them your me

• Make The World More Interesting: superglue your dinner plates to your ceiling

• Make The World More Interesting: Try selling your lunch on ebay

• Make The World More Interesting: make love to tacos on the subway

• Make The World More Interesting: order a foot long at subway ask for human meat
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up the pet shop, ask how to get cum out of your dog’s fur
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up the pet shop, ask how to get a hamster out of your friends ass
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call phone sex lines and talk about jesus
  
• Make The World More Interesting: sell baby shirts with 4 arm holes on etsy
  
• Make The World More Interesting: keep a cougar in your bathroom
  
• Make The World More Interesting: cover yourself in oatmeal and go find Willford Brimley!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: fight with your shadow in public
  
• Make The World More Interesting: paint a cardbox box to look like a car, then sit in traffic in it screaming
  
• Make The World More Interesting: paint a cardbox box to look like a car, then call a tow-truck
  
• Make The World More Interesting: paint a cardbox box to look like a car, then take it to the mechanic
  
• Make The World More Interesting: put out restraining orders on the stars of the tv shows you watch
  
• Make The World More Interesting: sell baby clothes and toys outside your local abortion clinic
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call random ppl and tell them you just won the lotto
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Call up your ex and ask them if they’ve noticed any “bumps” around their crotch
  
• Make The World More Interesting: hold random surprise parties for strangers
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a stuffed animal to the movies, make out with it half way through the movie
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a stuffed animal to a marriage counselor
  
• Make The World More Interesting:walk your dog, ask ppl how cute your cat is
  
• Make The World More Interesting: dress your cat up in bondage gear, take it to the park
  
• Make The World More Interesting: hand sharp objects to people wearing helmets
  
• Make The World More Interesting: when your kid puts a tooth under the pillow, replace it with a human hand
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a blind man to the movies, DEMAND a ticket discount
  
• Make The World More Interesting: ask midgets if the elevators smell diff to them
  
• Make The World More Interesting: join the klan, then bitch about your gay black cousin who’s dating a jew
  
• Make The World More Interesting: twist your penis into odd shapes, then show random ppl
  
• Make The World More Interesting: throw lettuce at old ladies
  
• Make The World More Interesting: bring a knife to a gun fight
  
• Make The World More Interesting: make friends with the homeless, then take them garage saling
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a blow up doll to meet your family
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a midget to a carnival, they can’t ride the rides but they can hold your stuff
  
• Make The World More Interesting: smuggle drugs in your neighbors luggage
  
• Make The World More Interesting: order hardcore gay porn, have it sent to your local church
  
• Make The World More Interesting: chat with ppl online, tell them you’ve just got out of jail and are looking for love
  
• Make The World More Interesting: adopt a 3 legged dog, then put it under you neighbors car and start screeming
  
• Make The World More Interesting: have a passion of the christ movie party, and cheer through the gory parts
  
• Make The World More Interesting: crash a funeral and dry hump the corpse
  
• Make The World More Interesting: crash a funeral and kidnap the corpse
  
• Make The World More Interesting: crash a funeral and start screaming “Daddy (or) Mommy WHY WHY WHY”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: crash a Will Reading, wait till the end then yell “That SON OF A BITCH!”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: crash a bah mitzvah bring a frying pan and ask for prime cuts

To Be Concluded Tomorrow (I hope lol)

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here with some GREAT NEWS!

Our Free Flash Games section is NOW LIVE!!!

Simply click on the link above called “Hell Games” to go check out our library of 100% Free Games!

We are starting off with 11 games right now but we will be adding new games soon, so enjoy!

The First 11 Free Flash Games Are:

1. crow in hell Hell
   An adventure game where you play a crow trying to navigate it’s way out of hell
2. House Of Ghouls
   First person shooter game, you kill zombies
   
3. Barbwire Jump Rope
   The name says it all, try your skill at jumping a barb-wire rope
   
4. Wacko Willy
   Just like the old “whack A Mole” game but this time around They use live animals!
   
5. Save Them Goldfish!
   Save the goldfish from the frying pan before it’s too late!
   
6. Stress Game
   First person Paintball shooting “Office” game
   
7. Whack Your Boss
   Title says it all, find things around your cubicle and beat up your boss with them!
   
8. Yeti Snowball
   Play as the Yeti as you pelt poor skiers with snowballs
   
9. Nut Flickers
   get as many nuts past the squirrels goal before time runs out
   
10. The Paper Cup
    This is a SWEET racing game, AMAZING graphics, fast paced game, CHECK THIS ONE OUT!
    
11. Fast Food Fiasco
    A “Bejeweled” style game using fast food items instead of “jewels”

Until Next Time……

HAIL ME!

Greetings My Fellow Minions, Lucifer Jones here with some “Breaking News”

I just wanted to take a few moments to let you all know that starting Weds Aug 12th there will be a new “series” coming to the blog.

The ’series’ will be “The Devil’s History” and in it I will FINALLY TELL MY SIDE OF THE STORY!

I know I said I’d NEVER bother to do it, but I keep getting all these emails and messages on Twitter asking me about this and that, I just said fuck it, I’ll break down and just tell you all the WHOLE STORY!

From creation , dinosaurs, Adam & Eve, The creation of Hell, all the way up to the ‘rapture’ you’ll learn the TRUTH here starting next Weds.

Until then, we have got about two more days of “Make The World More Interesting” posts to post so look for those as well.

Also you might have noticed some changes around the blog, well let us know what you think, just take a moment and leave a comment in this post!

I will also say, there’s even more stuff coming in the next few weeks so keep your eyes peeled!

Until Next Time….

HAIL ME!

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here,

What started out as one blog post has now turned into four lol, I forgot just how many of these things I did, but to recap for those of you who are late to the Hell Party, OR who like to read stuff out of order….

as most of you know,I’ve been posting some funny little tid bits on Twitter @therealdevil Originally they were “Make The World More Evil”

then they evolved into “Spread More Evil” & “Make The World More Interesting” and a few other wordings.

Well, just for your viewing pleasure I will attempt to copy/paste all my current tweets of “Make The World More Interesting” here.

For the record 99% of these were written by yours truly AND I write them off the top of my devilish head lol

So without further ado, here we go…..

LUCIFER JONES PRESENTS: MAKE THE WORLD A MORE INTERESTING PLACE VOLUME FOUR:

The following @therealdevil “Tweets” were written from July 14th - July 17th 2009

• Make The World More Interesting: sit in the middle of traffic with sidewalk chalk

• Make The World More Interesting: draw body outlines with chalk around town

• Make The World More Interesting: put up police crime scene tape at churches

• Make The World More Interesting: duct-tape your pets to the ceiling

• Make The World More Interesting: Teach monkeys to use power tools (chainsaws are FUN)

• Make The World More Interesting: take a baseball bat to the driving range

• Make The World More Interesting: go to the mall in scuba gear
  
• Make The World More Interesting: feed seagulls CHICKEN
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call up random people and ask where you mommie is
  
• Make The World More Interesting: use a midget as a footstool
  
• Make The World More Interesting: stick a human foot in your neighbors mailbox
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to the store and taunt meat
  
• Make The World More Interesting: dress up like a nun and go see a dirty movie
  
• Make The World More Interesting: MOO at fat people
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take your kids to a burned down building say “Oh no Disneyland burned down”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: have a garage sale and sell used sponges (contraceptive sponges)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: dress up like santa and go down random chimneys (No Bottoms)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Eat ham or bacon in front of Muslims, moan very loud!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to Tacobell ask if they have Lay-A-Way
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Take pennies to the dollar store
  
• Make The World More Interesting: open a lemonade stand USE VODKA
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take your PETA friends on a hunting trip
  
• Make The World More Interesting: LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE (at a fireworks booth)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: build crack houses out of legos and lincon logs
  
• Make The World More Interesting: build a house out of sheep, stay warm in the winter
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Drunk dial women you don’t know, beg them to take you back
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go shopping at all the nice stores, brag about your family money, never buy a thing
  
• Make The World More Interesting: in the middle of a world series game, streak the field wearing bunny ears and a tail
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Visit people in a burn ward, ask them if they have a light
  
• Make The World More Interesting: build a city out of mash potatoes in your hall closet
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a bath with canned peas
  
• Make The World More Interesting: play pin the tail on the donkey with a real donkey
  
• Make The World More Interesting: cover your walls with perfume samples
  
• Make The World More Interesting: save all your sweat in jars, throw them at homeless people
  
• Make The World More Interesting: go to the public restroom, cover your hand in chocolate sauce reach under the stall and ask for some TP
  
• Make The World More Interesting: steal a kids bike and pick up hitchhikers
  
• Make The World More Interesting: offer sex services to 90 year old women
  
• Make The World More Interesting: walk around the playground in a teddy bear suit (and carry a rifle)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: stay up for 5 days straight then go out driving
  
• Make The World More Interesting: torture balloon animals (In Public)
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Teach your friends parrot to say “I Smell Rotten Pussy”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Put lots of live fish in the washers at the laundromat
  
• Make The World More Interesting: draw a face on your hand and talk to it out in public
  
• Make The World More Interesting: shoot your own thanksgiving turkey AT THE SUPERMARKET!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: wear a suit of armor to a nude beach
  
• Make The World More Interesting: open a rabid animal petting zoo
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Open a heavy petting zoo
  
• Make The World More Interesting: send your Ex’s photo to the FBI, tell them to add you to their ‘most wanted list’
  
• Make The World More Interesting: send your neighbor’s photo to the FBI, tell them to add you to their ‘most wanted list’
  
• Make The World More Interesting: send your grandma’s photo to the FBI, tell them to add you to their ‘most wanted list’
  
• Make The World More Interesting: pretend your phone is tapped,. have more interesting convos!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call the make a wish foundation tell them you want to bang a celeb
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call the make a wish foundation tell them you want to kill a homeless person
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call the make a wish foundation tell them you want to be a porn star
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call the make a wish foundation tell them you want to be president for one day
  
• Make The World More Interesting: call the make a wish foundation tell them you’d like to kill someone
  
• Make the World More Interesting: adopt the philosophy that STD’s are like Pokemon “You gotta catch um all!”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: fill your neighbors pool with mac-n-cheese!
  
• Make The World More Interesting: wander around town carrying a toaster
  
• Make The World More Interesting: push a stroller around town, put a puppy in it, make ppl look at it
  
• Make The World More Interesting: push a stroller around town, put a lamb in it, make ppl look at it
  
• Make The World More Interesting: push a stroller around town, put a pile of dirty clothes in it, make ppl look at it
  
• Make The World More Interesting: throw broccoli at passing people
  
• Make The World More Interesting: take a monkey to the prom
  
• Make The World More Interesting: shit in your neighbors yard, while they check their mail
  
• Make The World More Interesting: order a penis shaped cake have it say “Happy 5th Birthday Timmy”
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Give roadkill as christmas presents
  
• Make The World More Interesting: send flowers to random people with a card that says “Sorry for the herpes”

To Be Continued Tomorrow….

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here, as most of you know,

I’ve been posting some funny little tid bits on Twitter @therealdevil Originally they were “Make The World More Evil”

then they evolved into “Spread More Evil” & “Make The World More Interesting” and a few other wordings.

Well, just for your viewing pleasure I will attempt to copy/paste all my current tweets of “Make The World More Interesting” here.

For the record 99% of these were written by yours truly AND I write them off the top of my devilish head lol

So without further ado, here we go…..

LUCIFER JONES PRESENTS: MAKE THE WORLD A MORE INTERESTING PLACE VOLUME THREE:

The following @therealdevil “Tweets” were written from July 11th - July 14th 2009

• Make The World A More Interesting Place: strip naked and run around screaming “Where’s Waldo???”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to the laundry matt (bring nothing but bunny outfits) and wash your clothes
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: ask random people if peanut butter comes in spray cans
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call up random people and ask them where “molly” is
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to the beach sit there, then ask people where the plug is
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to school in a clown outfit, walk around screaming in german, then just leave
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to victoria’s Secret, have the girl try on outfits for you, when asked who they are for say ME!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to an adult movie place and squirt hand lotion all over the row in front of you
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk around wearing a helmet, and sing showtunes
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: halfway through your flight, get up grab a parachute and stand by the EXIT DOOR!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk around in public smacking your ass and saying “Who’s yo’daddy”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Yell in a crowded Restaurant “Do I have TO Pay EXTRA For This CockRoach?”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: recreate the civil war with baked goods
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Have a puppet show with your penis
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Fart In A Jar, and give it as a christmas present
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call up your neighbors and ask them “How long should I keep the baby in the dryer?”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: wear christmas lights instead of clothes, ask ppl for extension cords
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to pooh corners, bring a gun!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: raise field mice, teach them Karate, then sic um on your enemies
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: replace braille books with a hot waffle maker
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: shrink all your wifes clothes, then wait……
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: become an organ doner, then show up with pianos
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: hold up a seashell to your ear, then scream “I can hear them sinking and screaming!!!!!!”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: start a flea circus… on your neighbors prize winning pet!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Raise cockroaches, take them to your friends house (don’t tell them)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: keep trying to learn how to fly, jump from higher places!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: tell random children “YOU’RE ADOPTDED!”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Stick tea bags in the holey water at church (They will appreciate this!)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go a few towns over, tell people you moved in, and your a sex offender, and do they need a sitter
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Walk your neighbor’s dog, bring them back a badger
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: you know those flags on your neighbors porches? SWITCH THEM OUT with the house across the street
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up in bondage gear, and go to your job interview at the day care center
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up in bondage gear and go to the nursing home
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up in bondage gear and go to church
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up in bondage gear, and go to a PTA meeting
  
• (ok no more bondage gear lol)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: make REAL pea soup, feed it to the homeless
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: confuse your cat, bark at it for hours
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: confuse your cat, stick a full size photo of a dog on the mirror, make your cat stare at itself
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: put goldfish in your neighbor’s bathtub
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: mow crop circles in your neighbors yard while they are away
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: babysit your neighbors kids, and shave their heads
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: teach your neighbors parrot to say “It’s in the closet” over and over again
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: if you get stopped by a cop, ask him “Wanna come to my house and take a bath?”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up like a lion, and hump fire hydrants
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Tattoo the phrase “Please Try CPR One Last TIme” on your chest
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: sell clothing to nudists
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Sell power tools to the amish
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: give a cow to a lactose intolerant relative
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: force feed a vegan a steak! (twice)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: light a monk’s robe on fire (see how long he’s silent then!)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk around singing the ABC song (In Yiddish)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: convince your goldfish he’s a tutle
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Convince your turtle he’s George Bush
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Pass out joints for Halloween O o
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: try to contact your (ALIVE) next door neighbor with a ouija board (See if his phone rings all day)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: try to buy the moon, then sell timeshares
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: reprogram a speak n spell to cuss out ppl when they get a word wrong
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: replace all the stickers on a rubix cube with dirty pictures
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: throw paint at live animals (Beat PETA to the punch)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: drop acid and talk to the houseplants at Wallmart
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call up the food network, ask them how long to cook your nephew
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call the numbers on the missing children posters, tell them the kid is in your basement
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call the suicide hotline, tell them if they don’t go out with you it’s OVER
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call Jenny Craig tell them you just ate a whole Bear, and your still hungry!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Call the funeral home and ask about financing, work in suicide into the conversation
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call the pound, ask if they can deliver to your Chinese food place
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: carry a giant wooden cross around town and tell ppl “I’m back”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: wander into any birthday party, and cry, and then say “I can’t believe you remembered”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk into a strangers house on Xmas morning and open the gifts
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: glue your gams dentures to her chin
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: make a new pen pal (in jail) ask them to come over, give out your Ex’s address
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: glue a carrot to your forehand and run through the park yelling HELP HELP HELP
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to a sperm bank and ask for a withdrawal slip
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk into a sperm bank with your cheeks puffed out, have a note that says “Can I have a cup”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up like a gorilla and climb a building
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: fill your waterbed with feeder fish
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: teach puppies how to fly
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call up phone sex lines and sell them Amway
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: call up random pizza places, ask for a steak, or lobster
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: name your children after Crayon colors
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: adopt a pet, then take it back, tell them he refuses to pay rent
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Sell People’s Ashes on Ebay
  
• Make The World More Interesting: Sell a shirt on Ebay, SEND a mountain lion

To Be Continued Tomorrow…..

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here, as most of you know,

I’ve been posting some funny little tid bits on Twitter @therealdevil Originally they were “Make The World More Evil”

then they evolved into “Spread More Evil” & “Make The World More Interesting” and a few other wordings.

Well, just for your viewing pleasure I will attempt to copy/paste all my current tweets of “Make The World More Interesting” here.

For the record 99% of these were written by yours truly AND I write them off the top of my devilish head lol

So without further ado, here we go…..

LUCIFER JONES PRESENTS: MAKE THE WORLD A MORE INTERESTING PLACE VOLUME TWO:

The following @therealdevil “Tweets” were written from July 11th - July 12th 2009 (Busy day lol)

• Make The World More Interesting: Call random ppl and tell them “No matter how hard you try, you just can’t unfuck a monkey!”
  
• Spread Some Evil: stick “For Sale” signs on random houses
  
• Spread Some Evil: Hand out pizza coupons at fat camps
  
• Spread Some Evil: tie blind people’s shoelaces together
  
• Spread Some Evil: tell small children Santa is not real…. go to the mall and rip their beards off
  
• Spread Some Evil: yell out the ending of movies IN LINE
  
• Spread Some Evil: drop stuffed puppies and baby dolls from freeway overpasses
  
• Spread Some Evil: goto nursing homes and convince ppl your their family, then tell them everyone hates them
  
• Spread Some Evil: send a box of pig’s blood to your Muslim neighbors
  
• Spread Some Evil: take a bath with your toaster
  
• Spread Some Evil: hand out rotten food to the homeless
  
• Spread Some Evil: send strippers to dance at a sexaholics meeting
  
• Spread Some Evil: Send strippers to dance at your neighbors 6 y/o kid birthday party
  
• Spread Some Evil: Send strippers to dance at the ICU ward of your local hospital
  
• Spread Some Evil: fill condoms with mayo, drop them from overpasses
  
• Spread Some Evil: dump buckets of your own urine into people’s swimming pools
  
• Spread Some Evil: catch your neighbors pet, shave it, then sneek it back to their yard
  
• Spread Some Evil: put ex-lax in your bake sale goodies
  
• Spread Some Evil: order gay porn, send to your grandma
  
• Spread Some Evil: find an Amish community, ask them if they have Wifi
  
• Spread Some Evil: shorten old people’s cane’s
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: adopt a child, then kick his ass out
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: cover your neighbor’s house in post-it-notes
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: cover your neighbor’s pets in peanut butter
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Put your penis on a leash and take it out for a walk
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up like a chicken and stand in front of KFC screaming MURDER MURDER MURDER
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: make a coat out of used diapers, then sit on a crowded bus
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Knock on people’s doors, ask them if they’ve seen your dog, then yell I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING DOG!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: yell at your houseplants (they like it!)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to the store, take out every carton of milk and build a fort out of it, LIVE THERE!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Call up the post office and tell them you can’t lick the George Bush Stamps…..
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Stand in front of the EGGS at the market with a sign “STOP ABORTION!”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Hold a protest with BLANK SIGNS!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up like a bear and go to the zoo, wander around crying
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: wear a giant tin-foil hat and tell people “They are coming” when asked who yell PORN-STARS
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: swear at your breakfast cereal
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go2 a gun store, buy a gun, bullets, then ask if they have any ski-masks
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: give candy-canes to diabetics
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Steal a blind man’s dog, replace it with a rock on a leash
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: put a voice activated moan on your toilet seat, scare your friends
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go to jails and LAUGH at the inmates
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: send counterfeit money to “Feed The Children” and shoes with holes!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: send 1,000 brussel sprouts to your kids school party
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: send HUGE flower bouquets to random people with a card that says “Sorry for the herpes”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk your dog in public and yell at him for failing law school
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: find a yard full of junk and put a YARD SALE sign there
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: adopt a lepper, they’ll fall to pieces over you
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: ask people if they know how to get to sesame street
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Invite a hobo to the prom
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Invite a hobo to the free clinic
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: walk into a bar with a bloody tampon, ask for a cup of hot water for TEA!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: kill yourself in public!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: sell your imaginary friend on Ebay
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Tell People that Jesus is hiding under your couch
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: Call the police, tell them you got shity service at Burger King and you want to arrest the king!
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: go on a plane, then half way through the flight jump up and start screaming “ZOMBIE JESUS!”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: light yourself on fire, and sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY (at the park)
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: have a Bar-B-Q in a crowded place, eat your food and talk about how much you miss your dog
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: adopt a highway, then move there, tell ppl “IT’S MY DAMN HIGHWAY!”
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: teewt sdrawkcab
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: give flowers to old women, and then thank them for last night
  
• Make The World A More Interesting Place: dress up like a smurf… that’s it DO IT !

To Be Continued Tomorrow

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here, as most of you know,

I’ve been posting some funny little tid bits on Twitter @therealdevil Originally they were “Make The World More Evil”

then they evolved into “Make The World More Interesting” and a few other wordings.

Well, just for your viewing pleasure I will attempt to copy/paste all my current tweets of “Make The World More Interesting” here.

For the record 99% of these were written by yours truly AND I write them off the top of my devilish head lol

So without further ado, here we go…..

LUCIFER JONES PRESENTS: MAKE THE WORLD A MORE INTERESTING PLACE VOLUME ONE:

The following @therealdevil “Tweets” were written from July 1st - July 11th 2009

• don’t forget to help make the world a more interesting place! you can do your part today! bark at your neighbors

• don’t forget to help make the world a more interesting place! you can do your part today! take a bath with your toaster!

• help make the world a more interesting place! you can do your part today! Give to Charities using counterfeit bills!

• make the world a more interesting place! you can do your part today! when out in public argue with yourself LOUDLY!

• help make the world a more interesting place: Go into a gift store and demand your gift!

• help make the world a more interesting place: run through a crowded store yelling “Billy get back here” and make ppl help find your lil bro

• help make the world a more interesting place: walk around town with a fire extinguisher…. and a trench coat

• help make the world a more interesting place: flash blind people

• help make the world a more interesting place: Scream at your reflection in mirrors at the mall

• help make the world a more interesting place: reprogram your friends TV’s menus to germen

• help make the world a more interesting place: go to the nearest kingdom hall and knock on THIER DOORS!

• help make the world a more interesting place: carry a six pack into your local AA meeting

• help make the world a more interesting place: Goto your local orphanage and go Simon cowell on them

• help make the world a more interesting place: see that guy with the helmet? tell him santa is dead

• help make the world a more interesting place: go to old folks home and visit random people, convince them your their family

• help make the world a more interesting place: drive backwards through the drive-through, hand them a bag of food and yell $7.49 PLEASE!

• help make the world a more interesting place: crabwalk down the ally at your local bowling ally, use your own “balls”

• help make the world a more interesting place: push an empty stroller down the road, and talk to it (loudly) PPL WILL LOOK!!!

• help make the world a more interesting place: post a classified ad in lost and found for your virginity

• help make the world a more interesting place: take a huge stuffed teddy bear out to dinner

• help make the world a more interesting place: drive down the road and scream “Happy Birthday” to random people

• help make the world a more interesting place: drop a doll off a freeway overpass during rush-hour

• help make the world a more interesting place: fill condoms with mayo and stick them on strange places
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: call 411 and ask where your keys are
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: toss Baby Ruth’s in random swimming pools
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: Offer haircuts to bald people
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: twit about the perfect crime, inspire others
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: adopt a monkey, they make great pets!
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: dress up like a bunny and smash eggs on the sidewalk
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: recite Shakespeare in drag at your local park
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: fondle produce and moan loudly at the market
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: stack up beer-cans in front of your local AA meeting place
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: call random people and say “Grandma died” then hang up
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: strip nude and cover yourself in peanutbutter, then run around screaming “Who’s got the jelly”
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: drop acid and learn to fly!
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: buy 25 “For Sale” signs and put them near random houses
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: send pizza’s to “Over-Eater Meetings”
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: carry around a huge foam finger everywhere you go
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: go to your local sexshop and ask for live demos of the toys
  
• help make the world a more interesting place: have a bake sale and use pot in the goods!

To Be Continued Tomorrow

Greetings my fellow minions, Lucifer Jones here.

I just wanted to take a few  moments to let you, the loyal readers of my blog, that I will be away from  the computer for about two weeks or so.

Now, Now, stop crying, you will survive I promise, I mean hell, you’ve made it this far right?

While I’m gone, if you find yourself NEEDING your daily dose of devilish prose, simply check out the archives! to date there’s like 70 or so blog posts you could re-read to tide you over till I make my return to the blog.

And remember UNLIKE those “God” and or “Jesus” when I say I Will Return I DO!

So, Until I return, remember to do your part to spread a bit more evil to the world…..

Speaking of which WHEN I return I think I shall put together ALL of the “Make The World More Interesting” Tweets I’ve posted on @therealdevil twitter page, in fact I WILL DO JUST THAT!

That will surly make up for my two week absence!

Until next time……

HAIL ME!

So today was a lazy day for me here in hell and I decided to spend the day on Twitter raising a bit of hell, somewhere during the day I got into with a #COD (Child Of God or Children Of God) and she got pissy and blocked me THEN cried to all her #COG friends about what a horrible guy I was, that I had no life etc etc.

What that escalated to was the following tweets that seem to have been “banned” from the twitter search engines (Along with all my other tweets lol)

@TheRealDevil Who REALLY calls themselves a “child of god” if your parents neglected you, left you, and never ever listened to you WOULD you claim THEM?

@TheRealDevil You children Of God (or COG) have wasted your entire lives worshiping a false idol, an absentee landlord, a sadist, a fake and a fraud

@TheRealDevil Oddly enough COG is fitting for you all, with COGS the wheel can’t turn, and without COGS there would be no god LMAO think on that sheep

@TheRealDevil #COG wake up and see the truth (if you can) there is no god in heaven, no jesus coming back to save you, ur beliefs are meant 2 control you

@TheRealDevil #COG Thou Shall Not Kill (Unless it’s in the name of god or country)

@TheRealDevil #COG Thou shall not steal (unless it’s small and would not be missed, or the cashier forgot to ring it up, or if you found it)

@TheRealDevil #COG Thou shall not have OTHER gods before me (OTHER OTHER OTHER, There’s more then one god)

@TheRealDevil #COG (children Of God) You’ve been lied to all your lives WAKE UP!

@TheRealDevil #COG God Made Adam And Eve (only them) and they spawned the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE??? Blacks, Whites, Asians, Indians, etc COME ON LMAO!

@TheRealDevil #COG Adam and Eve had TWO SONS… One killed the other to mate with mommy…. INCEST founded your world????

@TheRealDevil #COG Priests molest children and are protected by the church,moved to new churches, THIS IS PROVEN FACTS! WAKE UP!

@TheRealDevil #COG Sheep think “PRAYER” can save ANYTHING, pagans call that “Wishes” LOL

@TheRealDevil #COG God / Santa = SAME THING! When a child is too old for Santa, they are fed the God bullshit, same basis

@TheRealDevil #COG You could tell them damn near anything as long as it has to do with their faith and they will RARELY question it!

@TheRealDevil #COG almost ALL of the 10 ‘commandments’ are state and or federal laws, BUT there is a separation of church and state?

@TheRealDevil #cog almost all of the 10 ‘commandments’ are ‘control mechanisms’

@TheRealDevil #cog “Remember the sabbath and keep it holy” What is the MAIN day priest “work” ?

@TheRealDevil #cog 20% of all patients in mental hospitals claim to be Jesus Christ

@TheRealDevil #cog It was said to me by a #COG “2,000 years is like a day to jesus” guess that means ya got another 4k years to wait LMAO

@TheRealDevil #cog turn on the PTL EVERY WEEK the end times are HERE, sure takes a long time to end the world, but ONLY 7 days to create it????

@TheRealDevil Calling all my loyal minions, Tweet me your “Children Of God” gripes! like this: #cog (your gripe here)

@TheRealDevil I want to see #cog a top twitter trend!

@TheRealDevil #cog = Children Of God

@TheRealDevil #cog why is it that most of these god like ppl are more fucked up then most?

@TheRealDevil #cog I just want to know…. can you please get off the cross we need the wood to heat the house!

@TheRealDevil #cog knock knock…..who’s there…..Jesus…. Jesus who?….. EXACTLY!

@TheRealDevil #cog nothing makes me smile wider then when a sheep finally clears the wool from their eyes and can see the truth
So after 27 tweets mentioning the term #cog (Child Of God) NONE of them appeared in the Twitter Seach page (simply click on any reference to #cog above to see for yourself.

I see this as a DIRECT attack from Twitter on your Fav Devil! Because when I had OTHER PEOPLE Tweet the same stuff as I posted above VIOLA It appeared in the twitter search.

I call to you All of my loyal minons, Copy / Paste these tweets to your followers, let twitter know they might be able to keep my tweets from the masses but the mass need to see these!

Until next time…

HAIL ME!

Take a good look around you, what do you see? A world that is quickly falling apart.

What is causing this you might wonder? Well in a nutshell it’s your fault! Not just you though but the entire collective human race is the overall cause of your current conundrums.

Too many of you have decided to sit back with your hands under your asses and watch the world turn to shit, you elect AND re-elect people you know damn well could barely find Waldo in a Where’s Waldo book, BUT you still think they have the competence to run our country???

It’s not just that though, your rights are being stripped away under the guise of protecting you, and you don’t even question it, the government monitors your phone calls, your books, your spending habits and you don’t even seem to care. Why is this?

you were raised to believe that all men were created equal and that one day you could become president LMAO! What a crock of shit! None of you are equal except in the fact that you are all getting fucked in the ass by the same people you have put into power, and instead of standing up for yourselves and stopping it, you instead smile and ask for seconds as you light up a cig. Does this disturb any of you or is it just me?

you have been fighting an imaginary war for the last 6 years now, that’s fucking pathetic! Every day you loose more and more of your own people and for what?? Well lets look at what your fearless leaders told you….

On Sept 11^th 2001 you were attacked by Osama Bin Laden and because of that you went after Sadam? you sent a shit ton of your troops to the exact place Osama was NOT AT because Sadam MIGHT have weapons of mass destruction. And this has lasted over 6 years now, oh and let us not forget you STILL have not caught Osama lol, what a crock of shit.

But that brings me to one of my most puzzling problems, WHY is it ok for YOU (the USA) to have and use Weapons of mass destruction BUT not ok for any other country? What makes you so damn special? Doesn’t that make you nothing more then a bunch of bullies? Pushing your weight and beliefs upon anyone we see fit to? And if they reject you, you call them your enemies and then eventually you attack them????? WTF is that?

Here’s another fun one to ponder, you drop a bomb on Japan, and today most of your clothing, electronics and other stuff comes from where? JAPAN, you blew them up, then you helped them rebuild and now you buy all their stuff.

Why did you change your minds? If they were your enemy why have you spent the last years building them up and giving them money? Will you do the same exact thing to Iraq and others? If so why not cut out the war shit all together and just give them the money upfront lol

If this makes no sense it’s for good reason, cause in truth none of this makes any sense yet look at the world around you this is happening day in and day out and the bulk of you are just bending over farther and farther without question.

Have a happy 4th of July everyone!  Until Next time…..

HAIL ME!

Stupid people piss me off, more so people in general piss me off, but most of all stupid people piss me off the most, and you know what? I have no sympathy for stupid people!

If your stupid then it’s your own fucking fault, don’t expect me to feel sorry for you because your too fucking stupid to function in your life, it’s not my fault your stupid so why should I take on the burden to feel your pain?

Case in point, those of you living in an abusive relationship, whether it be mental, emotional or physical, if you stay and do not take the proper steps to get out then your just fucking stupid!

Now the biggest thing I wonder, is stupidity learned or inherited? I’m pretty sure that overlooking years of inbreeding and genetic mutations in the brain, most people are not actually born stupid.  However I do feel strongly that some people thrive on their stupidity and take as many steps to perfect it.

Let me pose a few questions to you all, if you put you hand into a fire and it burns and hurts you, will you keep doing it? Hopefully most of you just said something like FUCK NO! however I know for a fact that quite a few people would in fact keep sticking their hand into the fire regardless of the outcome. Each time they get burned they would cry hoping someone would show some sort of pity for them, but not me! I say fuck um!

Now as stupid as the above example may seem, make no mistake there are those that dwell in your human race that do that exact thing in one way or another, and every time they cry out for help, support, and comfort, why I have no clue but it truly sickens me to no avail.

So to those of you who fit this behavior mutation please pay close attention to my next few words…..

FUCKING STOP IT!

If you know the outcome is bad BEFORE you do it, AND you keep doing it over and over again then as far as I am concerned you have absolutely no right to cry about it!

Grow the fuck up and rise up from your self induced retardation an join the rest of  the world with an above 90 IQ, trust me it’s a lot better there then in your twisted world of “duh” “der” “dee” “dah”

Until Next Time….

HAIL ME!

Dear Media “Gods” …..

For the love of all that is sacred in this world, stop with the fucking reality television shows! I do not give one flying fuck on a rolling donut if America has talent, or what big brother is doing or if there will be a survivor. I care not if anyone thinks they can dance, sing or any other god damn thing!

I tire of watching cops chase crooks who claim to be lost, or animals attacking a stupid aussie man with a hat and a stick, or the millions upon millions of shock crock talk shows that show Clem and Martha redneck who like to dress up like clowns and butt fuck their stuffed animals on the court house lawn.

What the fuck is wrong with your society? Why must you live the train wreak mentality? You know what that is? It’s what happens when your driving down the road and you come upon an accident and you slow down and look.

And why do the networks continue to keep cranking out show after show of this mindless brain dead drivel? Why? Well it’s pretty damn simple, they do it cause you fucks lap it up like mothers milk! So before you can come to a better night of entertainment you all must stop suckling on the teat of the reality networks.

Remember when MTV used to play music? Yes its true back in the 80’s that’s all they played was music, then they created a show called Remote Control and since then it’s been a fast paced Real world Road rules Fear ride to hell while they raid your room and date your mom, I’m starting to wonder if MTV is owned by Fox.

Until Next Time…

HAIL ME!

Should I even bother telling you how damn busy I am in the summer months and that’s why I’m not as active as I would like to be here lol, no… ok… on with the entry then!

NO MORE WACKO JACKO!!!

First off, make NO MISTAKE Michael dying is THE ONLY NORMAL THING HE EVER DID!!!!

He’s been literally OFF the radar since late 2005 (you know after all his circus court dates for his ‘love of kids’) and now all the sudden your media has elevated that sicko to a god like status????

The man did things to kids, EVEN most of you brain-dead-hick-a-billies know this to be true, the children could “pick his prick out of a line-up!” THAT SAYS SOMETHING RIGHT THERE!

But, Jacko had lots of money, so just like OJ, Scott Peterson, and Joan Bennett Ramsey’s father Jacko got off thanks to his deep deep pockets, and MOST of the human race just plum forgot what a sick fuck he was.

so it was NO SHOCK to us here in Hell, that on Thurs June 25th around 7pm Est Jacko moonwalked his scary ass through the gates of hell.

Now, I’m NOT making fun of him…. why not? TO EASY, his entire life was a friggan joke if you think about it, he was born a little black child and grew into an ugly ass white women, he slept in oxygen chamber, and tried to buy the bones of the elephant man, he had land filled with exotic animals, he had his own theme park (ok that one was cool!) he had slumber parties with numerous children, both famous and not famous, he kept a blanket over his kids head and dangled it over a balcony…… the list goes on and on and on and on and… you get the point.

Now, on the other side of the proverbial coin, he mad music, good music, and videos, great videos, and he wore a glove…. one glove…. a shiny glove

So you have there both sides, and not to take away from his actual music ability which one of those listed sides is bigger lol, the man was a flat out side-show!

But now as you freaks of DNA often do, you have elevated a man who surly does not need nor deserve, to a god status, the TV stations have been non-stop 24/7 MJ-TV since Thursday night, you people care more about a dead freak then your own brothers and sisters who are dying everyday overseas in battle. you care more about a race / sex changing gremlin then you do the horrors of 9-11!

THIS is the reason that your “god” turned his back on you all, and I really can’t blame him for that!

Is wacko Jacko here in hell? you can bet your ass he is!

for now, he is just wandering around, kind of confused, we have not fully come up with his torture yet BUT rest assured it will be hell for him, I have special places here in hell for ANYONE that fucks with kids!

That’s all I have to say on the subject until next time…..

Hail Me!

The world has suffered a HUGE loss and NO I’m not talking “Wacko Jacko” or “Drug addled Farrah” I’m speaking of someone who’s passing will be a mear footnote within the media, well unless you count the tasteless jokes that will be made.

R.I.P. BILLY MAYS

One of the world’s most famous “Pitchmen” you saw him on countless TV spots, the interent as well as his show on The Discovery Channel “Pitchmen”

It was a pretty simple deal, you either Loved him or Hated him, we here in Hell LOVED Billy, and decided a long time ago that if we ever needed a pitchman for Hell there could be no other then Billy Mays.

Will Billy Mays be joining us here in Hell you might ask? well I’d love to say yes, and that he will be put in charge of Hell’s Marketing Dept. (as was the plan in my eyes) but,

I will not speak on the matter at this time, and some of you might think that is a cop-out, considering I was VERY vocal about Michael Jackson moonwalking into hell at 6pm est on Friday, and that Farah showed up asking for drugs, and even Ed showed up screaming “Wheeeeeeere’s Johnny”

But there is a huge difference, I RESPECTED Billy Mays, so I will be the bigger devil and NOT poke fun at his death, or tell you he is here in hell, out of respect to his family and friends, BUT let me also add…

Billy Mays was ALWAYS on our “Burning Soon” list for the purpose of our blogs, and other websites and storylines, so after a period of appropriate time, I’m sure we will implement that as a storyline, I just thought and wish we had many many more years before that would happen.

This is a very sad day indeed.

I will leave you, my minions with a video retrospective on the man who was hands down the best Pitchman ever!

R.I.P. Billy Mays II

and to Billy Sr., Billy III , Deborah and the rest of the family, our thoughts are with you.

Until next time…..

Hail Me!

Throughout history June 9th has been a busy day,

1667 – The first human blood transfusion is administered by Dr. Jean-Baptiste Denys.

1804 – New Hampshire approves the Twelfth Amendment to the United States Constitution, ratifying the document.

1844 – Charles Goodyear receives a patent for vulcanization, a process to strengthen rubber.

1916 – U.S. President Woodrow Wilson signs a bill incorporating the Boy Scouts of America, making them the only American youth organization with a federal charter.

Many people were born on June 15th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1843 – Edvard Grieg, Norwegian composer

1927 – Hugo Pratt, Italian comic book creator

1937 – Waylon Jennings, American singer

1943 – Xaviera Hollander, Dutch author

1949 – Simon Callow, British actor

1954 – James Belushi, American actor

1964 – Courteney Cox, American actress

1969 – Ice Cube, American rapper

1971 – Jake Busey, American actor

1973 – Neil Patrick Harris, American actor

1980 – Mary Carey, American pornographic actress

1988 – Miku Ishida, Japanese teen idol

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 15th some of which included:

1989 – Victor French, American actor

1995 – John Vincent Atanasoff, American computer pioneer

1996 – Dick Murdoch, professional wrestler

2007 – Claudia Cohen, American gossip columnist and socialite

-Beelzebub-

Throughout history June 13th has been a busy day,

1648 – Margaret Jones is hanged in Boston for witchcraft in the first such execution for the Massachusetts colony.

1789 – Whisky distilled from maize is first produced by American clergyman the Rev Elijah Craig. It is named Bourbon because Rev Craig lived in Bourbon County, Kentucky.

1937 – U. S. House of Representatives passes the 1937 Marihuana Tax Act.

1954 – U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs a bill into law that places the words “under God” into the United States’ Pledge of Allegiance.

1962 – Albert DeSalvo, better known as the Boston Strangler, murders Anna Slesers, his first victim.

1976 – The trial begins at Oxford Crown Court of Donald Neilson, the killer known as the Black Panther.

1985 – TWA Flight 847 is hijacked by Hezbollah shortly after take-off from Athens, Greece.

Many people were born on June 14th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1909 – Burl Ives, American musician

1946 – Donald Trump, American businessman and entrepreneur

1956 – King Diamond, Danish singer (King Diamond, Mercyful Fate)

1968 – Yasmine Bleeth, American actress

1969 – MC Ren, American rapper

1978 – Diablo Cody, American screenwriter

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 14th some of which included:

1920 – Max Weber, German sociologist

1991 – Dame Peggy Ashcroft, British actress

1994 – Henry Mancini, American composer

2007 – Kurt Waldheim, Austrian politician and statesman

-Beelzebub -

Yes I vanished for the week pretty much, BUT Beelzebub DID take care of the blog (as well as he could lol) while I was gone, I DID tell him to update the Twitter page, but I see that he did not, (Bubby is a bit scared of Twitter to be honest lol)

At any rate I had to take off on very short notice to go handle a crisis overseas, it seems some stupid ass mission people showed up and damn  near converted an entire country to Christianity

It took me the whole damn week to undo the damage those bastards did, and at this point I am dog tired!

I’m going to take the rest of the weekend to unwind and regain my strength (as well as catch up on all this missed mail lol) and come Hell-Day… (Monday) I will be back at the helm and all will go back to normal… Till I have to leave again I guess.

Until Next Time….

HAIL ME!

Throughout history June 13th has been a busy day,

1525 – Martin Luther marries Katharina von Bora, against the celibacy rule decreed by the Roman Catholic Church for priests and nuns.

1886 – A fire devastates much of Vancouver, British Columbia.

1977 – Convicted Martin Luther King Jr. assassin James Earl Ray is recaptured after escaping from prison three days before.

1981 – At the Trooping the Colour ceremony in London, a teenager, Marcus Sarjeant, fires six blank shots at Queen Elizabeth II.

1996 – The Montana Freemen surrender after an 81-day standoff with FBI agents.

2005 – A jury in Santa Maria, California acquits pop singer Michael Jackson of molesting 13-year-old Gavin Arvizo at his Neverland Ranch.

Many people were born on June 13th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1917 – Teddy Turner, comedian

1926 – Paul Lynde, American actor

1943 – Malcolm McDowell, English actor

1952 – Tony Bruno, American talkshow host

1953 – Tim Allen, American comedian and actor

1974 – Steve-O, American television personality

1986 – Mary-Kate Olsen, American actress

1986 – Ashley Olsen, American actress

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 13th some of which included:

1986 – Benny Goodman, American musician

1989 – Fran Allison, American, early television personality (Kukla, Fran and Ollie)

2008 – Tim Russert, American television host, NBC News Meet the Press moderator

-Beelzebub-

Throughout history June 12th has been a busy day,

1860 – The State Bank of the Russian Empire is established.

1889 – 78 are killed in the Armagh rail disaster near Armagh in what is now Northern Ireland.

1899 – New Richmond Tornado: the eighth deadliest tornado in U.S. history kills 117 peoples and injures around 200.

1943 – Holocaust: Germany liquidates the Jewish Ghetto in Berezhany, western Ukraine. 1,180 Jews are led to the city’s old Jewish graveyard and shot.

1963 – Civil rights leader Medgar Evers is murdered in front of his home in Jackson, Mississippi by Ku Klux Klan member Byron De La Beckwith.

1964 – Anti-apartheid activist and ANC leader Nelson Mandela is sentenced to life in prison for sabotage in South Africa.

1991 – Russians elect Boris Yeltsin as the president of the republic.

2004 – A 1.3 kilogram chondrite type meteorite strikes a house in Ellerslie, New Zealand causing serious damage but no injuries.

Many people were born on June 12th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1777 – Robert Clark, American politician

1915 – David Rockefeller, American banker

1924 – George H. W. Bush, 41st President of the United States

1930 – Jim Nabors, American actor

1941 – Marv Albert, American sportscaster

1974 – Jason Mewes, American actor

1977 – Kenny Wayne Shepherd, American blues-rock guitarist

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 12th some of which included:

1818 – Egwale Seyon, Emperor of Ethiopia

1957 – Jimmy Dorsey, American musician

1994 – Nicole Brown Simpson, ex-wife of O.J. Simpson

1994 – Ronald Goldman, American actor and “model”

2003 – Gregory Peck, American actor

2007 – Don Herbert aka “Mr. Wizard”, American television host

-Beelzebub-

Throughout history June 11th has been a busy day,

1805 – A fire consumes large portions of Detroit in the Michigan Territory.

1837 – The Broad Street Riot occurres in Boston, fueled by ethnic tensions between Yankees and Irish

1935 – Inventor Edwin Armstrong gives the first public demonstration of FM broadcasting in the United States, at Alpine, New Jersey.

1955 – Eighty-three are killed and at least 100 are injured after an Austin-Healey and a Mercedes-Benz collide at the 24 Hours of Le Mans.

1962 – Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin become the only prisoners to successfully escape from the prison on Alcatraz Island.

1963 – American Civil Rights Movement: Alabama Governor George Wallace stands at the door of Foster Auditorium at the University of Alabama in an attempt to block two black students,Vivian Malone and James Hood, from attending that school. Later in the day, accompanied by federalized National Guard troops, they were able to register.

1964 – World War II veteran Walter Seifert runs amok in an elementary school in Cologne, Germany, killing at least eight children and two teachers and seriously injuring several more with a home-made flamethrower and a lance.

2001 – Timothy McVeigh is executed for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.

Many people were born on June 11th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1864 – Richard Strauss, German composer and conductor

1933 – Gene Wilder, American actor

1959 – Hugh Laurie, English actor and comedian

1963 – Bruce Kimball, American diver

1978 – Joshua Jackson, Canadian actor

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 11th some of which included:

1934 – Lev Vygotsky, Russian psychologist

1941 – Daniel Carter Beard, founder of the Boy Scouts of America

1963 – Thích Qu?ng ??c, Vietnamese monk, self-immolation

1970 – William ‘Billy Batts’ Devino, American crime figure

1999 – DeForest Kelley, American actor

2001 – Timothy McVeigh, American terrorist (by execution)

2003 – David Brinkley, American television reporter

-Beelzebub-

Throughout history June 10th has been a busy day,

1190 – Third Crusade: Frederick I Barbarossa drowns in the river Saleph while leading an army to Jerusalem.

1692 – Salem witch trials: Bridget Bishop is hanged at Gallows Hill near Salem, Massachusetts, for “certaine Detestable Arts called Witchcraft & Sorceries”.

1838 – Myall Creek Massacre in Australia: 28 Aboriginal Australians are murdered.

1886 – Mount Tarawera in New Zealand erupts, killing 153 people and destroying the famous Pink and White Terraces.

1935 – Dr. Robert Smith takes his last drink, and Alcoholics Anonymous is founded in Akron, Ohio, United States, by him and Bill Wilson.

1973 – John Paul Getty III, grandson of billionaire J. Paul Getty, is kidnapped in Rome, Italy.

1977 – James Earl Ray escapes from Brushy Mountain State Prison in Petros, Tennessee, but is recaptured on June 13.

1977 – Apple Computer ships its first Apple II personal computer.

Many people were born on June 10th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1910 – Howlin’ Wolf, American musician

1922 – Judy Garland, American musical actress

1933 – F. Lee Bailey, American attorney

1941 – Mickey Jones, American musician and actor

1953 – John Edwards, American politician and lawyer

1960 – Maxi Priest, English musician

1962 – Vincent Perez, Swiss actor

1965 – Elizabeth Hurley, English model and actress

1982 – Tara Lipinski, American figure skater

1983 – Leelee Sobieski, American actress

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 9th some of which included:

323 BC – Alexander the Great, Macedonian king

1607 – John Popham, English politician

1959 – Zoltán Meskó, Hungarian Nazi

1967 – Spencer Tracy, American actor

2002 – John Gotti, American gangster

2004 – Ray Charles, American musician

-Beelzebub-

Throughout history June 9th has been a busy day,

68 – Roman Emperor Nero commits suicide, imploring his secretary Epaphroditos to slit his throat to evade a Senate-imposed death by flogging.

1856 – 500 Mormons leave Iowa City, Iowa and head west for Salt Lake City carrying all their possessions in two-wheeled handcarts.

1953 – Flint-Worcester tornado outbreak sequence: a tornado spawned from the same storm system as the Flint tornado hits in Worcester, Massachusetts killing 94.

1954 – McCarthyism: Joseph Welch, special counsel for the United States Army, lashes out at Senator Joseph McCarthy during hearings on whether Communism has infiltrated the Army – giving McCarthy the famous rebuke, “You’ve done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?”

1978 – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints opens its priesthood to “all worthy men”, ending a 148-year-old policy excluding black men.

Many people were born on June 9th, some destined for a place here in Hell once they Die, some include:

1891 – Cole Porter, American composer and lyricist

1915 – Les Paul, American guitarist

1931 – Jackie Mason, American comedian

1939 – Dick Vitale, American sportscaster

1963 – Johnny Depp, American actor

Lots of people have passed through Hell’s Gates on June 9th some of which included:

68 – Nero, Roman Emperor

1870 – Charles Dickens, English author

1981 – Allen Ludden, American game show host

1997 – Stanley Knowles, Canadian politician

2007 – Frankie Abernathy, American reality TV personality

-Beelzebub-

Throughout history June 8th has been a busy day,

793 – Vikings raid the abbey at Lindisfarne in Northumbria, commonly accepted as the beginning of the Scandinavian invasion of England.

1783 – The volcano Laki, in Iceland, begins an eight-month eruption which kills over 9,000 people and starts a seven-year famine.

1949 – Celebrities Helen Keller, Dorothy Parker, Danny Kaye, Fredric March, John Garfield, Paul Muni and Edward G. Robinson are named in an FBI report as Communist Party members.

1953 – Flint-Worcester tornado outbreak sequence: A tornado hits Flint, Michigan, and kills 115. This is the last tornado to claim more than 100 lives.

1966 – Topeka, Kansas is devastated by a tornado that registers as an “F5″ on the Fujita Scale: the first to exceed US$100 million in damages. Sixteen people are killed, hundreds more injured, and thousands of homes damaged or destroyed.

1967 – Six-Day War: The USS Liberty incident occurs, killing 34 and wounding 171.

1968 – James Earl Ray is arrested for the murder of Martin Luther King, Jr.

1984 – Homosexuality is declared legal in the Australia state of New South Wales

1995 – The first release of the PHP programming language is released by Rasmus Lerdorf.

2008 – The Akihabara massacre takes place in the Akihabara shopping quarter in Chiyoda, Tokyo, Japan. Tomohiro Kat? drives a two-ton truck into a crowded pedestrianised area before leaving the truck and attacking people with a knife, killing seven and injuring ten.

Many people were born on June 8th, here’s a few destined to join us here in Hell when they die:

1927 – Jerry Stiller, American comedian and actor

1933 – Joan Rivers, American comedian and author

1944 – Boz Scaggs, American singer and songwriter

1962 – Nick Rhodes, English musician (Duran Duran)

1977 – Kanye West, American rapper

And June 8th has brought many a soul through the gates of Hell, some of which include:

1809 – Thomas Paine, American revolutionary and writer

1969 – Robert Taylor, American actor

1970 – Abraham Maslow, American psychologist

1998 – Sani Abacha, President of Nigeria

-Beelzebub -

Don’t fret my loyal minions, I will also still be bringing you my daily thoughts as well!

We have some tweaks to do to the site here over the weekend and again I have to head to your realm for some business, so you all  have an evil weekend and we’ll see you back  here on Hellday… err I mean Monday

Until Next Time…

HAIL ME!

Following Weds blog, today I will spotlight the Plain “Barking Dogs”

This plain is reserved for you people among the living who have dogs that bark all night long and keep up your surrounding neighbors, YOU COULD HEAR THEM, and yet you did NOTHING to stop the madness!

It’s quite simple really, 24/7 for the duration of your afterlife you will be bombarded by the sound of barking dogs, not just one or two dogs, but ALL of the hell hounds here in hell.

The hell hounds range in size and breed, but the barking will never stop, HOWEVER, every hour for just about 4 minutes or less all barking will CEASE, giving you just enough time to sigh and think it is over, but only to discover that in fact the barking begins again.

Are YOU one of these people, if so it’s not too late to avoid being stuck in the Barking Dogs plain of hell, STOP your dogs now before it’s too late!

Until Next Time…

HAIL ME!

Today I just feel the need to rip apart a certain “Christian” from Twitter, as well as get input from all of you out there who still posses a brain in your heads, so without further ado @Christianrep THIS IS FOR YOU…

Last night while I was pursing on Hell’s TweetDeck I saw this message posted from @Christianrep:

“Urgent Prayer Request: 18 yr old Clayton Arrested for Rape. Ex-Girl friend on My Space as 18 - really only 12. His dad on welfare. Pls RT”

Now mind you, when engaged in Twitter your limited to 140 chars per “Tweet” BUT heres what I got from the above post:

“18 year old  named Clayton had sexual intercourse with his Ex-girlfriend who CLAIMED to be 18 on Myspace, but in reality was only 12, now he’s been arrested for rape (and with a 12 y/o a class 1 CSC charge and he has no money for legal representation  because his father is on welfare.”

Now is THAT pretty much what YOU GET from that short Tweet from @Christianrep ? or is this devil just plain stupid? Well if your anything like myself and  posses a working brain AND some common sense that is EXACTLY what you would have gotten from the condensed version that was posted on Twitter.

So,  Yours truly posted the following reply to @Christianrep:

@ChristianRep LOL cause the 1 thing that will save Clayton is NOT a team of lawyers, it’s god ROFLMFAO, this is the stuff right here folks!

Which was promptly replied to by @Christianrep as follows:

@therealdevil Thanks for the levity

Now for ANY of you out there that does NOT know the meaning of the word Levity allow me to post it here…..

lev?i?ty [lev-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.

lightness of mind, character, or behavior; lack of appropriate seriousness or earnestness.

I REALLY can NOT SEE where giving 100% Truth and COMMON SENSE could be taken or construed as levity, but then again this WAS a Christian Republican I was dealing with lol, So, being the Devil that I am I replied with the following…

@Christianrep I would really think YOUR tweets were the ones littered with levity, not mine, common sense is NOT levity

which was then promptly answered back to me with:

@therealdevil Please take your sick humor elsewhere. This young man’s life is about to ruined over a lie! He needs our prayers & support!

While I was crafting my next response to This would be scholar of life and law he Tweeted this to his 9,000+ followers…

Beware of @therealdevil. I tweeted urgent prayer request for someone needing our help & @therealdevil choses to use it for his sick “humor”

My responses to his two above Tweets were:

@ChristianRep there is NO sick humor here, what he NEEDS is an experienced legal team, PRAYERS will NOT keep him from jail! WAKE UP

@ChristianRep you want to help and support him and his family, take some of your tithes and help pay foe his defense team

@ChristianRep yeah cause calling for LEGAL HELP is “Sick Humor” oh and levity as well

Then I discovered that my new critic had blocked me from following him, and seeing his updates, the message below is what I saw, and I just HAD to share it with my followers…

@ChristianRep “You have been blocked from following this account at the request of the user.” Now THAT’S the “christian” thing to do LMAO

So, @Christianrep THAT is what being a Christian is all about huh? well, good to know, I guess I must have struck a nerve, I’m sorry (not really) that your ONLY good advice about your initial “prayer plee” came from the one entity your religion is programed to HATE, LOATH and FEAR, but I hate to break it to you, at least I posses common sense.

My entire existence I have seen this type of tomfoolery (wow thats an old word huh) everywhere, but lets just use this shining example and break it down a bit more….

A man’s life hangs in the balance, he may or may not have raped a 12 year old girl, (I’m not sure where the “LIE” comes in, her age or the sex) and the Religious zombies (no offense to my zombie fiends out there)  first thought is to pray him out of trouble, WHEN has PRAYER ALONE spared ANYTHING? can you pray a plane crash away, Aids, hunger, homelessness, job loss, rape, incest etc etc etc NO cause you know what? All these sheep are praying to their “all seeing and all knowing savior” ALL THE TIME, and yet this same stuff keeps happening.

BUT, this time will be different, this time prayer WILL save a life, (what about the poor 12 year old girl?) don’t you think maybe her and her family are praying that this kid DIES? who is better off here, WHICH will god listen to?

NEITHER!  God does not listen, you ALL know that, and those who think otherwise are too far gone in the kool-aid to think for yourselves anymore.

My comment, or suggestion was not only 100% VALID but the ONLY REAL ACTION that could be taken to SAVE this man who may or may not be guilty of 12 y/o rape. and yet instead of embracing my idea I was ridiculed by a self toting man of god…. PRICELESS

But your right @Christianrep Just keep praying for the man, and all will be fixed, in fact in court it might go a little something like this….

Judge: Clayton, your charge is sexual assault of a 12 year old girl, do you have anything to say for yourself?

Clayton: Your honor, @Christianrep had all his followers pray for me on Twitter

Judge: PRAY? Well why didn’t you say so…. NOT GUILTY!

Now, see…. THAT’S HUMOR, but according to @christianrep it’s God’s Will and it WILL happen that way IF… you all pray for a rapist (or not a rapist)

That’s it for me, although I COULD literally go on and on about this till the end of time, but I won’t bore you all anymore so until next time…

Hail Me!

(And look I made it through this entire entry without bringing up the comedy that a christian would jump up to protect someone accused of raping a child!)

Today I want to spotlight one of the 42 plains of Hell “Lust”

Now, Dante wrote in his book (The book of bullshit and lies) about “Lust” as a “Circle” and like I said before THERE ARE NO CIRCLES IN HELL, they are called PLAINS, and as I said before there are 42 of them, anyway on with the spotlight…

The Plain Of Lust:

This plain is reserved for the sexual offenders of the living, NOT for the decent wholesome horn-dogs, (you guys and gals ROCK!) A sexual offender is one that during their time among the living, they raped, or molested a non consenting partner Or ‘child molesters’

Picture this….

The ultimate collection of flesh as far as the eye can see, every age, shape, size and color laid out in front of you, you my future burner are hornier then a ten peckered owl and you have a never ending buffet of sex at your fingertips

Sounds good huh?

Well… Think again.

NONE of the flesh in front of you is anatomically correct, nor do they have ANY openings, no mouths, no vaginal or anal openings, they have hands but no fingers, feet but no toes, it is truly your worst nightmare come to life.

And for people sentenced to this plain of hell there is no escape!

Your eternity will be spent, chasing something that can never be obtained, no release for you, for your hands and feet are stripped from your body, and you will have a constant erection that you can do NOTHING about.

I know this sounds bad, and it should because it IS!

But remember, this fate of the afterlife is ONLY reserved for the worst of society.

Until Next Time…

Hail Me!

1855 – The Portland Rum Riot occurs in Portland, Maine.

1896 – Guglielmo Marconi receives a patent for his newest invention: the radio.

1990 – The Lower Ohio Valley tornado outbreak spawns 66 confirmed tornados in Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio, killing 12. Petersburg, Indiana is the hardest-hit town in the outbreak, with 6 deaths.

1997 – In Denver, Colorado, Timothy McVeigh is convicted on 15 counts of murder and conspiracy for his role in the 1995 terrorist bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

And just like any other day, June 2nd has produced some great soul catches for us here in Hell, here are a few people who took the walk through the gates of hell on June 2nd…

1754 – Ebenezer Erskine, Scottish religious dissenter

1833 – Simon Byrne, Irish bare-knuckle prize fighter

1941 – Lou Gehrig, American baseball player

1948 – Karl Brandt, personal physician of Adolf Hitler

1990 – Rex Harrison, English actor

1996 – Ray Combs, American game show host and comedian

2003 – Fred Blassie, American professional wrestler

2006 – Vince Welnick, musician, keyboardist (The Grateful Dead)

Until Next Time….

Hail Me!

As you might have noticed, The blog was silent for the last few days, I WOULD say “sorry” for that BUT I am afterall the Devil lol, I was called away from Hell to meet with some folks in the woods, ok I was SUMMONED, and MAN do I hate when that happens…

A few drunk ass teenagers get ahold of the satanic bible and decide they will summon the lord of darkness, MOST of them never even get the incantation remotely close lol, BUT when the few that DO get it right end up summoning me, most times they get all freaked out and head for the hills.

Now this WOULD be fine and dandy, however once summoned I am bound by a few simple rules… well really just one rule ‘I Can NOT leave until I am dismissed’ (and lemme tell you, I’ve ONLY met like 5 people that even know that, OR can do that right)

So, as you can guess, I got stuck on with the living for the weekend chasing down these silly ass teenagers who summoned me for who knows what

However, while I was stuck with the living, I did put in a call to one of Hell’s artists and I’m happy to report I was able to pick up some new artwork for our upcoming Hell Marketing Campaign (you know the one I keep hinting about lol) What I can tell you about the artwork is….

It features some AWESOME renditions of myself, Azrael, Beelzebub, and two other demons.

I JUST got back here to Hell, and I have some stuff to catch up on, so I will be back up and posting shortly, so stay tuned.

Until next time….

Hail Me

I was just turned on to a GREAT comic named Jim Jefferies, now he’s a self proclaimed Athiest so we all know that means he’s mine when he dies, BUT I do have to say this guy has it DEAD RIGHT!

He just did his first HBO special called “I Swear To God” and here is a lil video I snagged (sorry the audio is out of sync, the computers here in hell run pretty hot and have lots of errors lol) and uploaded to the (DRUMROLL PLEASE) Brand New Official The Real Devil YouTube Channel

Without further ado, here is the video, and once your done check out the other videos added to our playlists.

Until Next Time….

Hail Me!

While I was away on  vacation I watched a lil documentary called “Jesus Camp” I posted a quick blurb about it and as promised now I want to rip it apart like Only The Real Devil can do.

First up:  I emplore all of you loyal minions to WATCH THIS VIDEO! and then you will see as I did the true HORROR of this.

Ok, now on with the “review”

Now, I’m all for people who want to believe in whatever they choose to believe in, HOWEVER even I would NEVER resort to brainwashing CHILDREN! I at LEAST have the decentcy to wait until their teens! but this SICK SICK SICK women Becky Fischer prays upong CHILDREN some as young as 5 years old, but most (as featured in the doc) are between 9-12.

Becky and here cohorts teach these young innocent youths that

(A) Global Warming is not real

(B) Science is not real, AND NOTHING science has EVER claimed can be proven

(C) George W Bush is pretty much to be worshiped as a god

(D) The ENTIRE world was intended to be CHRISTIANS and THAT is the SOLE reason mankind left england

(E) Children SHOULD be willing to “Lay Down Their Lives to God” (IE DIE FOR GOD) JUST LIKE the Muslims do.

and more oddities that would make even a seasoned Christian blush.

Now RIGHT OFF THE BAT, Miss perfect Becky Fischer displays a WIDE variety of SINS, at the start of the video she is shown preening her hair and fishing for compliments from both the camera crew AND others of her ‘parish’ THIS IS THE SIN OF VANITY. Then not too long after that, she works in a Harry Potter reference into her talks about Sin, and WHAT she tells these children is “If you WATCH Harry Potter you will go to Hell THIS IS THE SIN OF BARING FALSE WITNESS.

She goes on to sin again and again.

She works these poor children up in these ’sermons’ and has them speaking in tongues, crying, and damn near fainting and shaking, now this might not be a bad thing per say, but in this context this is a down right CRIME (And this is coming from The Real Devil mind you lol)

This video shows what one twisted soul can do if left unchecked, and she is creating an army of neo-nazi bible thumpers who sole duty is to go out and recruit more children to her twisted cause.

The only good news I can find about this movie is that shortly after it’s release the camp was CLOSED DOWN!

However Becky Fischer  has sworn she will re-open and continue her “righteous work”

We here in Hell have reserved a special place in Hell for Becky Fischer when she dies, and  I will continue to update you all on this as I get more information.

Until next time

Hail Me!

So as you know I had to leave Hell and head up among the living last week to take care of some legal stuff for Hell’s new marketing campaign, and while I was away from the blog I turned the reigns over to one of our most coveted damned souls “Loki”

Now that I’m back at the head seat so to speak I bring the following question to my minions:

What should Loki’s fate be?

Should I give him a permanent spot on the writing staff, or NEVER allow him to speak on this blog again?

I leave this to you my loyal minions, IF you want more writings from Loki then speak up!

To voice your mind and seal Loki’s fate simply do one of the following….

(1) Leave a comment here on the blog

(2) Make a tweet saying: “Keep Loki on @therealdevil blog” OR “Kick Loki Off of the @therealdevil blog”

I’ll leave the vote open till next week and then we will then seal Loki’s fate!

Until next time

Hail Me!

1983 – A strong 7.7 magnitude earthquake strikes Japan, triggering a tsunami that kills at least 104 people, injures thousands. Many people go missing and thousands of buildings are destroyed.

1992 – Charles Geschke, co-founder of Adobe Systems, Inc. is kidnapped at gunpoint from the Adobe parking lot in Mountain View, California for $650,000 and is held hostage in a rented house in Hollister, California. The FBI rescues him four days later.

2004 – The New York Times publishes an admission of journalistic failings, claiming that its flawed reporting and lack of skeptism towards sources during the buildup to the 2003 war in Iraq helped promote the belief that Iraq possessed large stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction.

2004 – The United States Army veteran Terry Nichols is found guilty of 161 state murder charges for helping carry out the Oklahoma City bombing.

2006 – The May 2006 Java earthquake kills over 5,700 people, leaves 200,000 homeless.

And On May 26th These people entered Hell: (Not our best historic day, but still produced some winners lol)

1944 – Christian Wirth, commandant of Belzec extermination camp

1948 – Theodore Morell, Hitler’s personal physician

2005 – Eddie Albert, American actor

Until Next Time…

Hail Me!

What did you think of his posts?

Should we give him an extended spot here?

Or should we just put him out of his misery and fire his ass (out of a hell cannon that is)

Let me know via comments or Email and we’ll make our minds up promptly.

Sooo, the business trip was a success, were are even  closer now to releasing as well as announcing the new “marketing campaign” for hell, what I CAN say right now is…

Nothing

Sorry, folks, but there is STILL more stuff that needs to be cleared through our ever growing legal dept, but rest assured you all will LOVE it, and as SOON as I have the clearence I will reveal ALL!

Until Next Time….

Hail Me!

if you have been following along for the last week or so you probably think
I’m ready to lead you all off a cliff or something weird and fucked up, but no, sorry nothing sinister, remember my main goal is to provide you with the only real wake up call you’ll ever get till you figure it all out for yourselves.

no hidden agenda, no fake god to worship, just me showing you the bullshit, and scraping it till the truth is revealed.

and I have found over the years that organized religion has the most bullshit covering up the truth then almost any other thing out there in the world, so lets chip away at more bullshit and find why people believe in it in the first place.

THE QUESTION: “Why Are We Here?”

We as human beings are a very complex race, we are here yet we don’t know why, we need to know why, there has to be a reason we can’t just BE here for no reason, and over the course of history we tend to cling to just about any answer to the question no matter how assinine it may truly be.

Faith, Religion, or Higher Power are the most commen missconceptions to the answer, it’s also the easiest to buy into
God put us here, to live and to eventually die and return to him/her/it.

Simple huh?

Why am I here? God put me here.  okay, now what?

well god wants you to tell EVERYONE about him, and get them to put all their faith in god, okay sounds good, but what if  they don’t convert then what? well then their evil or lost and their doomed to hell, okay again sounds easy, good/evil right/wrong, but wait why is this all around again?

CONTROLL.

what’s the #1 best selling book of all time is? (The Bible)
who makes more money working only 1 day per week then most people? (The Clergy)
who gets to live above all of the laws? (The priests)
where most of the wars have been fought? (The holy lands)
what group of people were almost exterminated? (The Jews)
who lead that bloodbath? (The Nazi’s)
who runs the chatolic church? (The Pope)
who he was linked to in his past? (The Nazi’s)
who uses religion to impose laws and rules? (The government)
How many of the 10 comandments are state/federal laws? (7)

Whats the biggest thing holding us back? (orginized religion)

WHY? because were too quick to believe just about anything we are told.

now by now allot of you might think of me to be a godless atheist punk, but I am far from that, In
fact I consider myself to be a highly religious person, I just refuse to buy into man made bullshit propaganda that has
been spoon fed and misconstrued through the ages to instill fear and brainwash its followers, look at our most bloodiest wars.
look at our most corrupted officials, look at your tv ministers, ‘god’ has been the reasoning behind all of this, so once again lets wade through some more shit and find the real truth hiding within.

The Stories Of The Bible as translated by  Loki

In the beginning it was dark…. we pretty much all k