by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

I had the pleasure of listening to a prominent speaker discuss forgiveness recently, with examples from her own life. As she spoke, thoughts of past and present situations that seemed unfair to me started parading across my mind. Things I had forgotten about knocked on the door of my heart and caused me to reflect.

I had been the type to look at others over the top rim of my glasses – until my life situations changed and now I am the one that others are looking at in very strange ways. Having to forgive others who caused grief and pain and then realizing that I was also a source of grief and pain to others is not easy to handle from either perspective. I tend to store up my feelings and eventually hide them – which I know is not very good. As I practice sharing my heart with others via writing, I find it is now easier to express my deepest thoughts and reflections even while speaking. Vocalizing (or reading) what you have always thought is indeed a healing balm.

Jesus, I surrender my pain, my disappointments, any misunderstandings and my resentment of situations from my past (and my present) into your hands. You knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. You have purged my heart with your precious blood before; wash it clean once more. As I open my life before you and others, may souls be refreshed and may those who were once bound in spirit be loosed and set free to go forth and live out their purpose that You have preordained from the beginning of time.

Forgive me of the hurts I have caused. Allow me to let go of those who hurt me, intentionally or not. Help me to have the heart to say like Jesus did.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” Luke 23:34 (NIV)

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by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com

This weekend we experienced the inaugural Love Better Camp Retreat. God showed up and showed off at the Love Better Camp retreat. It’s funny because we initially scheduled it as a couple’s retreat and then when interested singles started inquiring we opened it up to both singles and couples. I figured women would flock to the event eager to be heard and make their points concerning relationships, but what we ended up with was a men’s only retreat—which God knew was fine by me. We had relatively wonderful weather. I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t scorching hot especially since it’s August and the sun is normally out eager to do its thing–which is to burn you to a crisp. We cooked out, we read from the book The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate, we discussed relationships and everybody had great points and most of all we prayed, prayed and prayed again and heard from the Lord.

That’s why I love having discussions about relationships. I’ve always been the girl who was privy to male conversations and this weekend was no different. The men were honest and very forthcoming and it made me think that women really better start given men credit for having some common sense and spiritual insight when it comes to relationships. We are always so quick to say that men don’t get it, but from what I experienced this weekend I know they do get it. and I also know that every man is not swayed by tight jeans, fishnet stocking with high heels or “the best sex he ever had” and to those who think that all you have to do is work it out in the bedroom to get them to make you their wife, my advice is that you please go and sit down someplace and stop crucifying Christ afresh and straddling the fence when it comes to being a Holy woman of God.

There are men who can see and experience all of the tricks women play and STILL walk away from a woman–even after the “good sex” and after they pay their rent and their car note. All I can say is that you should have been there to see what it takes to reach the heart of a REAL man, but you can always read the book or continue thinking that you don’t need it. God knows that there are two sides to every story and for so long we’ve only heard the woman’s side or women complaining about how he won’t call me, he left me for her or he led me on. My testimony is that even though I’m the author, I read the book several times as I was writing it and implemented some things and made changes in my life and now I’ve got my soul mate. One day maybe more women can say that too. I think so many of us just need to grow up and let God lead and stop manipulating people and the various situations that we’re in and then sit in a corner and pout when we don’t get the desired outcome. The outcome from the very beginning is only ever going to be what God wants it to be–now that’s fine by me, but what about you?

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things,” 1 Corinthians 13:11

by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

Pain and sorrow has overwhelmed my heart for quite sometime. It started several years ago when my family was divided because of economic reasons. My parents lived in the US while I and my sisters remained in our country of origin with our maternal grandmother for five years. I counted down the days to when we would reunite as a family, and we did: but our excitement was short-lived. Our grandmother came to the US the day after our mother showed signs of illness. Her cancer had returned – in fact, it had metastasized. We buried her seven months after we reunited. I was only 16.

As the eldest I tried to remain strong during tough times. I went to college that same year she passed away and I graduated on time, but it was an uphill battle. I remember during my final semester of college they called me into the bursar’s office and quietly told me they would have to send me home because of my school bill. I started crying right there in the office as I HAD to graduate. I made a private promise to myself and my mother, who was a former English teacher that I would make something of my life, no matter what it took. The lady offered me a private scholarship right there on the spot and I was able to graduate on time!

I eventually dated and married someone I met at various church functions. What I thought was a workable situation was very stressful, abusive and caused plenty of heartache instead. After eight years, I packed my bags with our two-year old son in tow and left my home. As I walked away from the house into which I had poured my time and money, I realized that pain had visited my life again and that this wound was deeply riveted in my soul. As I watched my son cry almost daily when he was faced with new surroundings and saw only one familiar face, I cross-questioned myself and God on several things:

Why did you allow these things to happen?
Why are we hurting so much? Don’t you even care?
Why does it feel as if we’re the ones in pain and the other party is having an easy life? (At least, so it seemed)
As time went by, I began to understand a few things:

1. Because we live in a fallen world, pain will knock on every door – regardless of socio-economic factors, race, ethnicity or personal beliefs.
2. We cannot avoid the presence of pain in our lives.
3. We must find healthy, Godly ways to handle pain.

So I have decided to work through my pain by writing about my experiences. The release of my soul cannot be described adequately; peace has overtaken feelings of injustice and anger that were raging within me. I have learned to look deeply into why things happen and why I draw my conclusions. I am thankful that God has given me the grace to work through my pain. It is nowhere 100% over, but I now understand many things that I did not before. Occasionally I may still mourn over the lost relationship with my mother and my ex, but my weeping is ending. It is now time for me to look up and live!

It is time to wipe away tears of sorrow, pain, regret and heartache. It is time to lift up my eyes unto the hills from where my help comes. It is time to smile, laugh and play again!

True joy is unmoved by what it sees. It rises to the surface and places a smile on the lips of the one who possesses it – even when the first urge is to cry or scream in agony. Joy does not deny the presence of pain; rather, it sees pain as part of life, something that helps the individual to grow while teaching valuable life lessons that can be shared with others.

I have wept much, but my joy has come!

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning,” Psalm 30: 5b (KJV)

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com

Sometimes I can tell people are waiting for me to say something horrible and insulting about an ex. I don’t do it. I won’t do it. Because of the God in me I can’t do it. That’s not who I am and it’s not who God created me to be. But I know people in similar situations who can’t wait to tell something private and embarrassing about their ex, be it ex-boy or girlfriend or ex-husband or wife. How you respond about your ex, however, says more about “you” than it does “them”. I’m not talking about people using an actual example from their relationship to illustrate a point they’re trying to make or using an example of something in their past as a testimony. I’m mean, telling mean, and vindictive private things that nobody outside of the relationship has a right to know, just so that it mars that person’s thought of the person you are talking about. What it says about you is that you are unlearned that the tongue can destroy you and put hardships in your way that didn’t need to be there–hardships that only appeared in your path because you wouldn’t close your mouth.

I was a single parent for 18 years and I can say that in all of those years although my son’s father had never given him any financial support or bought him anything besides a bag of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures one Christmas in 1988. Despite that fact, I never once went around badmouthing him to my mother, my sisters or brother or to my child. It wasn’t for me to mar my son’s image of his father. It wasn’t for me to drill it into his head that his father wasn’t a provider and wasn’t ever there when he needed him. I knew that God would allow him to find out on his own, without me constantly mumbling on and on about how “no good” I thought he was. And so I guarded my tongue and made the best of it, because if I believed Hebrews 10:30 then I had to believe that God would take care of us and handle his “non-support” of his son as well. It wasn’t for me to use my tongue in an act of vengeance. That’s not what the mouth or the tongue was created for.

People over the years often ask me how I made it through 18 years of single parenting making little over $20,000 a year working for city, going to school full time at night, getting $0 in child support and never once allowing my child to go hungry or finding a way to get my rent, utilities and other bills paid. Sure, my mom and friends helped out on occasion, but the victorious glory goes to God and God alone. I know people who receive child support from their child’s mother or father and they still can’t make ends meet and here I was not receiving a dime and God was keeping us in perfect peace. My son never went to public school, he went to schools for which I had to pay tuition for his entire life from 1st grade through 12th grade and I give the honor to God for being able to make it. I believe it was me keeping my tongue that allowed God to continue to meet my needs/our needs. We don’t understand how much damage talking too much does, but before we ever part our lips to say an ill word against anybody we really should and instead use our mouth and tongue to praise the One who has kept us from falling.

My son finally did learn on his own how his father wasn’t there for him when he graduated from high school. It was the first and only time he ever asked him for anything. He asked for money to pay for his cap, gown and yearbook and his father never got back to him. I didn’t have to teach him that lesson. I didn’t have to badmouth his father to drive home that point. He saw it himself and realized that even though I kept my opinions to myself and it appeared as if I was doing everything all on my own, I really wasn’t. He knew that God was there the entire time moving every obstacle out of our path as I used my words to glorify Him in praise and worship–the way it was intended.

“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell,” James 3:6

by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

If you have read The Plural Thing authored by Linda Dominique Grosvenor, then you must have read the Dear John chapter. I had the opportunity to meditate on that chapter a few weeks ago and I was close to tears when I finished reading it. For those who haven’t read it yet, it discusses the need to sit down and write some letters to some people who have taken up parts of your heart and somehow you cannot seem to let them go. It may be an old boyfriend, or someone you secretly admire. It may be an ex-wife or ex-husband. Without letting go of what you’re holding onto, you cannot accept what is coming.

Can you accept something in a closed fist? No. I recently came to the realization that my heart was not clear regarding friendships with men - married or not - after experiencing some disturbing situations at work. No, I haven’t committed fornication and no, I haven’t kissed anyone. But understand that the way we think about ourselves and others comes out in our actions, and our self-perceptions will magnetize us towards others who are attracted to that self-perception. So when I was in the cafeteria at work and a married man finished his conversation (quickly) that he was having with someone else because I walked by - then he came next to me and put his arms around my shoulders as if we were “together”, I was very shaken. It seemed an eternity passed before he took his arm away, and I became stiff and almost unresponsive to his chatter. We’ve worked together for years and I noticed he was friendly so I returned the friendship. But when he began stopping me in hallways and speaking with me up close (I mean you’re breathing on me, here), I started feeling VERY uncomfortable, but I did and said nothing. When my divorce was finalized he became aware of it and his overtures became more obvious. I would almost try to hide if I saw him coming. On this particular day there was nowhere to run and hide.

After that incident (at which many readers may say “That was nothing!”), I went to my desk and started instant messaging one of the ministers at my church. I told him what just took place and he told me to confront and state plainly that I was unreceptive to such behavior and it cannot happen again. I went to his office and told him what I needed to say (he’s a director). He told me he was not offended by my request and he sensed my body language and realized he should not have done that. He thought it was okay to do that because we are both from the Caribbean, but I knew what he said was just an excuse. In the Caribbean, unwanted touching can be met with a slap across the face or a slash with a blade; then again, maybe that depends on the country you are from! My minister friend said “He’s probably done this to other women. He will be testing you again. Stick to your guns and be watchful.”

Anyway, after I read the “Dear John” chapter and arrived at my destination (I was on a bus on my way to a work-related meeting), the same man came over and attempted to speak to me – again, up-close. I greeted him and turned away. After that incident, another married man who I sit close to at work kept touching my arm all of that day at the meeting. It carried over into the next day, until I said to myself “I HAVE to put a stop to this insanity.” I instant messaged him and said “Please stop touching”. He replied, “It’s only an arm, but okay I’ll stop.” So this is my “Dear John” letter:

Dear John (addressed to all married men and to the single men who are not God’s best for me)

1. Stop touching me. Your touches are implying to others that we are an item or there is more to the friendship than there is.

2. The emotional attachments you have placed in my spirit are impeding my progression toward the man of my dreams.

3. You do not own me. I am not obligated towards you in any way. Step away from me.

4. Even if you are kind to me, I am not required to return any favors.

5. I have a God to serve and my Spirit MUST be free!

6. I must have my personal space. Get out of my face.

This is tough, as I try to be nice to everyone and I hate to hurt people’s feelings, but I am realizing that my niceness is being misconstrued by many. My resolve is to be explicit in my intentions and what I desire in my contact with all men.

Oh God, help me to overcome this huge hurdle in my life as you have called me to purity of heart, mind and body. My life is a testimony to others. It must send the right message to those with whom I work, live with and worship with. Others who see me must see the Jesus in me and are not distracted by those who seem ready to derail me from the purpose you have placed in me. I am determined more than ever to keep my heart, mind and body on the altar constantly before you so I can be ready for the work you have for me to do and for the perfect mate you have waiting for me. Amen.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship,” Romans 12:1 (NIV)

by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

I have a little guy who is five years old going on 45! He is the apple of my eye. I remember when I suspected I was pregnant then it was confirmed by the doctors how I began the travail in the spirit over my baby. I prayed he would be healthy and that he would be perfectly formed. I prayed he would come to accept Jesus into his heart at a very early age. I fussed over what I ate and drank as I knew it would directly affect his development. After he was born I think I spoiled him. I tried to be within his reach all the time–now he never leaves me alone! His food intake was carefully monitored and every illness had me tied up in knots– they still do.

As I live my life before him I have made the vow to set the example and to show him unconditional love. You see, he has been betrayed by individuals who were supposed to protect him and nurture him while I went to work. When I discovered the horrible things that were done to him, I had to begin again the process of teaching him how to love and trust. That was his second experience with violation of trust, as the first instance occurred shortly after his father and I separated.

But as I love him, pray with him, reprimand him (often), hug and kiss him, play with him and watch over him, I ask God to help me to teach him love, patience, tolerance, encouragement, determination and the way of salvation.

1 Corinthians 13 vs 4 to 8 states: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

by Wanza Leftwich
www.thegospelwriter.blogspot.com

I may have said this before, but I will say it again…and again. I am determined to accomplish my goals in this season. It is my time to produce. It is my time to not only write, but to publish. I have a word for the nation and they will hear it through my published works. I am determined to accomplish my goals in this season. I will say it and do it until it is completed.

Did you know repetition is good for the soul? As you noticed, I’ve said a few things twice within a few lines. Why? Because if you speak it and repeat it, it becomes a part of you. It comes to life in your soul and spirit and soon you begin to act on what is inside of you. The Bible specifically says there is life and death in the power of the tongue. Today, I choose to speak life over my goals. I will accomplish them in this season.

Have you spoken life today or did the murmur get the best of you? I haven’t been feeling too hot in my body for a few days, but I refuse to sink into a depressive whole designed for the weary. I do whatever I have to to keep it moving. Today, do whatever you have to do to stay determined and focus. If you have to cry in a bathroom at work, type a letter to God during lunchtime or even go to bed early so you don’t argue with the hubby (I’ve been there a few times), do what you have to do. Your tongue has power - use it to your benefit.

Say it aloud with me - “I will accomplish my goals in this season. I am fruitful. I will use the talents God gave to me without fear. I am in God’s will. I am determined to do what I have to do. I am not lazy, but productive. I speak life and not death over every situation in my life.”

I am determined…and I know you are as well.

by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

“You don’t know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box.” (CeCe Winans, The Alabaster Box)

Do you know the cost of your oil?

In Biblical times, oil was considered a precious commodity and used in many facets of life. As such, in those days, one’s wealth was partially based on that individual’s capacity to produce pure oil. And so it was then, so it is today.

What value do you place on your spirit, soul and body? What is your net worth? Many see net worth only in terms of what they drive, who they know (or who knows them), where they live or where they work. What about your character? Can you be trusted if all the lights go out and no-one is around? What happens if you lose the fancy car, the luxurious house and the “friends” that came with the car and the house?

Those of us who are able to look beyond the fluff have come to realize that it isn’t what we own (or what owns us) or who we know but it is based on Who knows us. Yes, God knows us and has valued us so highly that He sent His only Son, Jesus the Christ, to live here on the earth, to walk and talk with humans, to feel hunger, pain and rejection just like any of us. Some of us are popular and can draw a crowd of adoring fans anywhere, anytime. Many of us are average people making the best of our situations. The key is our foundation. What are you depending on for inner strength? Is it able to carry you through any situation?

Then there are many of us who believe that life is as a result of an accident – the Big Bang. This thought pattern allows many of us not to care too much about how we conduct our lives on a daily basis. Even some of us who claim to know God may conduct our lives with little caution. Are you easily accessible? Does just ANYBODY sleep in your bed or get that close to you? Are you managing your diet? Exercising? (I’m guilty here.) How about your thought life? Do you see others as simply a means to an end, or do others really matter to you? Are you truly content?

I used to see myself based on what I thought others were attracted to – the “loud” people, who always had something witty to say which caused uproarious laughter, those with all the money they could ever want so “drinks were (always) on the house”. Since I did not fit into any of these categories, I felt “less than” others. But with time spent in the Word of God and after experiencing some very sensitive situations, I am healing inside and I now view my net worth as more than just monetary value or the ability to draw a crowd. I am VERY valuable to my Maker, Sustainer and Savior. My oil is worth more than anyone could ever pay for it because it was first purchased with the life and blood of a mighty, Holy God’s Son. That is something I can’t even redeem. The only thing left for me to do is to cherish what God has placed inside of me. So, because of that precious oil I dare to dream again of love that will last until one of us dies. I dare to dream of financial success regardless of what the economists and financial analysts say. I dare to dream of career fulfillment as I battle with difficult academic classes.

What is your net worth? Do you know? Does it matter to you? Remember, you were redeemed with a high price. Protect your value. Guard your wellspring. Cherish your oil.

1 Corinthians 6: 20 (KJV) “For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”