LOBNA KHAIRY

To all the morons out there...

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:55:00 +0000

In my head I won a nobel prize

In my head I’m friends with Oprah

In my head I’m a renowned writer,

One who matters

In my head I’m the world’s focus

My every word is important

My every move is worth covering

In my head I’m a bestselling author

In my head I’m better than Paulo Coelho

In my head everyone is interested to

Know me

In my head I’m the reason why the world

Is a better place

In my head my existence matter

In my head I’m named by people’s magazine

The no.1 most influential person

In my head I build an effective education system

In my head I’m the reason behind every

Great change

In my head I’m a supermom

One whose kids look up to her

In my head I’m flawless

In my head I’m the perfection of

Mankind

In my head I’m fabulous

In my head I’m the one who

Sets the standards

In my head I’m always smiling

In my head I reach satisfaction

In my head I’m a mogul

In my head I’m the source of

Power

In my head I die a noble death

In my head I leave while

Praying

In my head I live the full life

In my head the whole world

Mourns my death

In my head I die young

Never to be forgotten

In my head I’m larger than life

So please,

the next time you see me don’t just tell me I’m beautiful

LOBNA KHAIRY

Top 8 sources of POWER!

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 10:28:00 +0000

What a world we live in! One day you’re ready to take over the planet and on the next you feel like everything is worthless and every attempt is useless. It’s very easy to give up and torturous to keep going. We try to find that power we need to continue, to persevere and in rare cases to excel yet it becomes almost impossible to find optimistic people when you’re down. It becomes too dark when you need light to guide you through your already bumpy road.

To find reasons to quit, that’s easy; but where can you find that power to go the extra mile? Where can you get that fire to thrive and achieve uniqueness?

Books? Too Cliché… Internet? May be, but you have to go through a hell of personal experiences that might or might not work for you. People? Well, I don’t want to seem mean but not all people mean well, in fact sometimes they’d rather see you dead than succeed. So, it’s better, always better, to depend on oneself and exert that extra effort on soul searching to get to where you want to be. Think a little bit more, open up your eyes because not everyone is that lucky to catch their chance train, and you’ll find your torch. As for a start, I have got eight sources for you, may be one will work!

1. Faith

You won’t believe what faith can do to your life! If you have faith in your dream; if you have faith in the realization of it; if you can see yourself perfectly and comfortably fitting there, then it will happen! Have faith in your abilities; in the possibility of tomorrow; in the ever changing fate and you shall succeed.

Trust Allah and in the power of prayer; trust that He can hear you and He shall grant you nothing but the best and you’ll be blessed with the inner-peace you need to focus on nothing but your dream. Faith is a must if you ever want to become, period.

2. Love

In utopia, love should be a sufficient source of power. It should lift you up and push you to be a better person. In the real world, sometimes love kills ambition when all you care for is to be with that person you love all the while knowing that he/she will love you no matter what you become or don’t become, WRONG!

That hopeless romantic concept, I believe to be, too naive and shallow, because I’m a firm believer in constructive love, where two people hold hands to move forward; to motivate and support each other to become the best they can be.

Love is actually the most effective weapon of all, whether you choose to love yourself deeply as to see yourself worthy of nothing but the best or you choose to love and be loved by others, in the normal sense, love was never made to be destructive.

3. Loss

Yes! As much as any form of loss hurts and jabs, but it’s a real life-changer, I should know! Ever since my father’s death, I hated failures and weaknesses. I chased success in every corner as if my life depended on it. I refused people who called my vulnerable; I was trying really hard to prove them wrong. I didn’t want anyone to think that my dad left a fragile girl behind, easy to break and too heavy to move. I wanted to be his best work, I still am trying. And I pray for him every day because it’s because of him that now I know my passions, dreams and aspirations. And he’s the reason why I want to carry on my plan, to make him proud of who I shall become.

4. Acquaintances

My mom always told me that good friends bring good and bad ones bring nothing but bad. And you know what, I believe her; although if you asked me 7 years ago I would have firmly disagreed! Yet, she always pushed me to befriend the top 5 students in my class and I always wondered, why would I care what their grades are? I just want to have fun, popular friends! But she had a point, when you surround yourself with losers, in time you’ll become a loser too with a dumb attitude to prove it. But if you surround yourself with successful people, their aura will haunt you and in no time you’ll be thinking success and you’ll be acting success.

5. Experience

Your CV is your best representative! Where you’ve been and what you’ve learned can easily add up to where you are going to be. Internships, travels, readings, mixed cultures and courses will definitely boost your drive to your destination. And human relations will add years to your age. The more you meet people, the faster you’ll learn that not all people are good, not everyone is necessarily honest, but above all you’ll know that everything happens for a reason and you’re just too rushed to realize the benefits of everything you go through.

6. Time

At that point you must have at least heard of time- management, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to tell you that it’s never too late. No matter how old you are, you can still live your dream rather than just live in it. Today, the world has changed so much and I’m not trying to sound like a redundant anchor, but it’s true. Today, you can rejoin school and continue with your education. Today, you can resume where you left off and move on to a better you. It can seem ridiculous at first, but if you can open up a catering company only through facebook, I know anything is now possible. Just consider time as a variable factor, not a constant routine. It’s your right to refuse to be called a retired old man, just as much as you can reject the idea of being another tedious housewife. It’s your time and only you can decide how to spend it.

7. Jealousy

The green monster isn’t always evil; actually he can help you go somewhere. Pick someone, feel really jealous* of them, don’t envy* because that’s immoral, but just feel that burn of the I want to be like him/her and watch your life change. If they can succeed, so can you. If they can achieve, then for God’s sake, so can you. They are humans just like you, yet the only difference is that they used their full potentials and that rusty thing we usually overlook called the brain. If you can avoid crossing that fine line between jealousy and envy, everything should go in the right direction.

*jealousy: I want to be like someone

*envy: I want to be this someone and I hope he/she dies!

8. Human Nature

You want to be the better man; that is human nature. Everybody wants to be the best, and do much better than others. Everybody wants to be the center of attention. Everybody wants to be that someone who everyone points at and wish to be him/her someday. Everybody wants everything others don’t have. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, we were born to compete. We were born to try to be distinguished. Use that! Embrace your human side, we’re not angels, if God wanted us to be angels He would have created us that way. But we are not and thank God for that, because that what makes us work even harder, even if just to prove that we are better than others. Any reason, as long as it is legal, is a justifiable one.

LOBNA KHAIRY

Once Upon a Voting Day!

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:59:00 +0000

At exactly 10:30am on a sunny Monday morning, I was standing in line next to my mother ready to give my voice to someone I was in no way terrorized to vote for. This time I was going to take part in making history and witness Egypt as it blossoms into the beautiful democratic country it ought to be. Well, I was a part of making history alright, but the democracy part now seems like a blurry image of something I can’t really tell if it’s real or just mere hallucination!

Since great minds think alike, all women showed up early and I mean all women! The line was endless; it was two streets away from the Mohamed Taymour’s school door where I’m supposed to vote. It was hopeless, part of me actually considered leaving and coming back in the afternoon or may be tomorrow but the look my mum shot me when I started complaining pinned me right where I was, sinking in the muddy streets of Nasr City.

You would think the fact that it was all women would make the four hour long waiting interesting and fun, but as it appeared women didn’t talk about politics, in fact we were ordered by one bossy woman not to talk about the candidates because she considered that to be a form of advertising and influencing. So, what else women talked about? Food, yes it came down to the point that women were exchanging recipes, actually two got into an argument of whether it was better to use garlic chopped or minced when preparing molokheya! And knowing that my knowledge about cooking ends at microwaves you can guess how happy I was.

As the street got busier with cars dropping off women and the sun was growing merciless, a young woman appeared with a megaphone screaming that any woman above 60, pregnant or with children should proceed to vote directly. That’s when my mum chose to sarcastically mock me for not bringing my 20 months old baby along.

By 1:30pm my back was killing me and my feet were slowly outgrowing my boots but on the bright side the school’s door was at least visible to me. Right in front of the school, there was a Muslim brotherhood booth with lots of men wearing hats with “El horeya wal Adala” logo, they weren’t actually promoting for their candidates, not in an obvious way at least, but they were lecturing people on how to vote. Other parties sent in their youths wearing t-shirts with printed logos distributing informational flayers about their candidates. Some women refused to take those flyers because that was unethical while others took them then threw the flayers away.

Approaching the gate, we were walking a lot faster now; I had to part ways with my mother because we were in different voting committees. My battery was dead by then so we agreed on a meeting point. I headed to committee number 75 and I was devastated to find a line again. But with the scary bossy lady off the radar we were free to talk about politics, candidates, and the SCAF whichever way we liked. One woman innocently joked about the Mubarak era saying that he saved us from the elections hastiness, when another woman starting yelling “who’s saying Mubarak? Do you have any idea what he did to us? He robed us blind?!” After we soothed things out between the two and prevented what could easily turn into a catfight considering the heat and the long hours came my favorite part, the talk about the candidates and the parties. I was voting for “El Kotla Al Masreya” and “Mostafa el Naggar” out many reasons but the most important, I think, is to bring diversity to the parliament. Almost everyone I know, including my grandparents, are voting for Muslim Brotherhood and I just don’t want to repeat the farce of the NDP all over again.

Just as I wrapping up my wise political theory, three army soldiers barged into our diminishing line yelling, “Lobna Khairy! Where’s Lobna Khairy?!” I swear it was my first time to be aware of my knees’ existence, my heart just pounded as the thought of being arrested, tortured and rapped like the horror stories I hear about women’s interrogations in the Egyptian police station brought vomit to my mouth. I replied hesitantly, that my unfortunately I was she, one of the soldiers answered “your mum is waiting for you outside” Could I be any more embarrassed? My mum actually sent the “army” to look for me when I was just lecturing the women, who by the way were much older than I am, about the importance of diversity in the political scene!

It was almost 2:00pm when I was up next to vote. I was doubtful and scared; what if I marked the wrong person? What if I took too long and people started complaining like it happened before with other candidates? But the truth was the people in that small filthy, if I may add, classroom was more helpful than I could have ever imagined. They guided me through every step and successfully managed my stupidity. And I voted without messing it up. For the very first time, I wasn’t hesitant about my candidates of choice or the vision of the political party I am for. For the very first time, I actually knew what I want for my country’s future to look like and I did my part. I voted!

So as I walked outside the room my head was filled with two thoughts, first, how sorry I felt for those students who have to go to that school because it was unbearably hideous, old and smelly and second, the fact that I, ironically, waited for 4 and a half hours to vote in just 2 minutes!

LOBNA KHAIRY

Polygamy in Egypt

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 18:21:00 +0000

According to a recent statistics conducted by National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR) after only three short years of marriage, nearly 25 percent of Egyptian husbands take on a second wife when almost 70 percent of those second marriages end in divorce!

The alarming rapidity with which men remarry raised the imperative question of why Egyptian men are yet again embracing polygamy in the midst of the deteriorating economic status of the country, the obligatory military service and the exacerbated unemployment crisis. Nevertheless, the validity of polygamy in Islam was almost never really questioned here in Egypt, it was never legally banned before like in many Islamic countries including Tunisia, Turkey, Tajikistan and Indonesia, yet it was always frowned upon by women!

“Polygamy is God’s right granted for men limited to four wives with a number of conditions underlying fairness to the first wife. The problem is that women overlook the sanctity of protecting fellow Muslin sisters from the various harms in society because of selfishness and the idea that their husbands are insulting them by taking a second wife,” said, Sheikh Mohamed Gad, Head of Panorama el Shrouk Mosque, Shrouk City, Egypt.

In Egyptian society, the reasons why husbands take second wives can vary randomly. Some men remarry out of nothing but love, yet the idea of informing the first wife is too scary for many reasons, to mention a few, to avoid marital problems, to maintain a healthy peaceful environment for the children and escape the divorce demands the first wife insists on when informed about the second marriage. “There’s nothing wrong with my first wife, I love her and I still do, but I did not want to sin or do anything that will jeopardize my faith so when I met my second wife , I decided to get married. It was not an easy decision, and it requires a lot of sacrifice from my second wife to keep our marriage as discreet as possible, but in the end I am doing nothing wrong or illegal,” said, Moustafa Hussein, 36, businessman.

Others seek fatherhood, which is one of the most common reasons why Egyptian men remarry when the first wife is reproductively challenged. However, in most rural cities in Egypt, many men blessed with daughters remarry for the second and even third time until they have the heir they hope for. Despite the hail of equality messages Egyptian media adopted throughout the past seven years, well educated men still pursue the outdated desire for a son. “I have four daughters and I love my family, but I wanted a son of my own and thankfully now I have one as a result of a second marriage; I informed my first wife after having my boy because I didn’t want to create problems out of nothing if God didn’t grant me Hamza,” said, Ayman Galal, 48, anesthesiologist.

When torn between misery and family, some men try polygamy to have the billboard-like marriage they dream of instead of breaking the first one. “It was the endless fights and demands; I didn’t want to divorce my first wife and I still don’t to keep my family together, so I married another to give me the peace and patience I need to continue my life,” said, Amr Faramawy, 42, businessman

Yet, not all Egyptian women refuse the idea of polygamy; in fact some wives don’t want a full-time husband and would not mind being a part-time wife either which means sharing him with another wife. “I married my second wife 6 years ago, my first wife knew all about it from the moment I decided to get married, she was jealous and hurt at first of course but now she has the time she needs to look after the kids as she likes without having to worry about me and what I think of her,” said, Emad Antar, 42, field engineer.

Polygamy is most certainly the most controversial family system in Islam; however there are many conditions that allow the man to have more than one wife yet keep the responsibility and presence of marriage alive. “Polygamy was mainly intended for protecting widowed women with children, to give her the security and marital life she accustomed and guard her from sin,” said, Sheikh Mohamed Gad. For a husband to remarry he should be able to afford the expenses of multiple households, he should be able to give fairness in terms time and treatment to both wives, and a justifiable reason to get married like if the wife is sick or barren.

Polygamy like any system has its advantages and disadvantages. “Look at the number of Muslim women who are not married, divorced or widowed; if a man can be fair and pay for more than one home, then why shouldn’t he marry another,” said, Sheikh Mohamed. Polygamy will definitely help abolish the phenomena referred to as “spinsters”, curb men’s excessive sexual needs where one woman may not be enough, and increase population. But the problems resulting from the misuse and the misinterpretation of polygamy is the reason why most men are cautious about second marriages.

Egyptian women are fighting polygamy hard; in 2000 a new marriage contract was issued legalizing for Egyptian wives to put the conditions they want which if violated by the husband, a divorce can be easily granted by the court. Among those conditions are allowing the wife to work, number of kids or in some cases none, marrying another and travelling to work abroad.

LOBNA KHAIRY

عن الرجال فقط

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 14:42:00 +0000

إيه اللى ممكن يخلى راجل يتجوز على مراته؟ إيه اللى ممكن يخليه يبص لغيرها وينفر منها؟ إيه اللى ممكن يحكم على علاقة كانت فى يوم من الأيام ناجحة إنها تفشل؟ إحنا دايما بنسمع من الست٬ هى اللى بتشتكى وتفضفض وإحنا من الطبيعى إننا نتعاطف معاها ونشوف الراجل على إنه وحش كاسر وهى القطة البريئة المظلومة.

من فترة كده كنت كتبت كذا مقال فى محاولة لفهم الراجل.. يعنى كنت عيزة أعرف الكائن الفضائى ده بيفكر إزاى٬ بيحب إزاى٬ بيكره إزاى ويمكن كمان بيتجرح إزاى.. وفـ مرة قررت إنى أكتب السؤال صريح إيه العيوب اللى فى الست اللى بتخلى الراجل يهرب؟ مكنتش عايزة دش للعيوب ولا top 10 lists هدفى كان إنى أبين الموضوع من وجهة نظر الراجل.. أعرض المشاكل اللى هو بعتها زى ما هى والست لمرة واحدة تحط لسانها فى بقها وتفهم وتتعلم...

١"نفسى اكل من إيد مراتى"

أنا (لنفسى) : صبحنا وصبح الملك لله٬ إيه الراجل الهايف ده؟ أكل إيه ومطبخ إيه.. هو الراجل بيدور على جواز ومشاركة وإستقرار وحب ولا عاوز خدامة تغسله وتطبخله؟

مضمون الإيميل(الجزء المهم): "بقت عملالى فيها هانم كل حاجة الشغالة تعملها من الطبيخ إلى كل شؤون البيت. مبتعملش حاجة غير أصحابها ومعارفها وإهتمامها بنفسها. أنا عايز زوجة بمعنى الكلمة... عندك عروسة لية؟؟"

ردى: "إنت اللى إخترتها عروسة جميلة.. فراشة طايرة حبوبة وإجتماعية.. مخترتش واحدة تكون ست بيت بريمو عشان تعملك كل يوم سفرة شكل ليه؟ مخترتش وحدة همها البيت والمطبخ ليه؟ إنت إخترت الزوجة الغير تقليدية وهى فعلا غير تقليدية... الجواز مش طبيخ وتنظيف لكن لو هو ده اللى إنت عوزه يبقى الكلام مفروض يكون معاها هى إتكلم بصراحة قول اللى إنت عاوزه ليها وإسمع ردها وإستوعبه وبص على حياتك كلها معاها وساعتها قرر لو ده موضوع يستدعى الإنفصال بس متعملش حاجة من وراها لمجرد إنك خايف تواجهه."

٢ "العيال والبيت والمطبخ نمرة واحد"

سبحان الله٬ وله فى خلقه شؤون٬ شوفو الراجل ده بيشتكى من نفس الحاجة اللى غيره بيشتهيها! المشكلة إن فى مصر عندنا الست بتتقيم على أساس مدى نجاحها كست بيت. مش مشكلة هى تعليمها إيه ولا شغلتها إيه ولا ناجحة قد إيه كل ده حجات لزوم الوجاهة الإجتماعية. لكن لو الست فشلة فى بيتها (بمعنى خايبة مبتعرفش تطبخ ولا تنظف) تبقى فاشلة فى كل حاجة. يبقى مرات الراجل ده مش غلطانة٬ هى بتعمل كل الحجات اللى الناس وأهلها قالوهالها إنها بتسعد الراجل... إنها تكون ست بيت عظيمة وبس.

٣ "أصل الطمع وحش. الستات دول فاكرين الرجالة بريالة ممكن بضحك عليهم بكلمتين حلوين وشوية دلع. لكن والله الراجل بيعرف لو كانت الست شايفاه زكيبة فلوس برجلين وساعتها هى فنظره متستهلش اللقمة اللى بيأكلهلها"

٤ " تلجة... أنا عايش مع تلجة... مبتحسش... تمثال شمع... بردة فى تصرفتها ومشاعرها وردود أفعالها..."

٥ "إيه اللى يخلينى أبص على واحدة تانية؟ أنا بصيت خلاص وعندى حق علشان مراتى بتفكرنى بنظرة المدرسة... كل كلامها أوامر وإنتقاضات. دايما مش عاجبها وعيزة كل شىء بمواعيد وجدول..."

٦ هو: "خنقتنى... ده أمى مش مراتى"

أنا: "مش فاهمة٬ تقصد إيه؟؟؟"

هو: "من الاخر بتعاملنى على إنى إبنها مش جوزها... تاكل إيه؟ تشرب إيه؟ دفيان؟ جعان؟ تعبان؟ مصدع؟ مبسوط؟ زهقان؟ قرفت مكنت فضلت عايش مع أمى كان يبقى أرحم!!"

أنا:" الأمومة والحنية هى فطرة الست عامة وفيه ستات من كتر حبهم لأزواجهم الموضوع بيقلب معاهم بأمومة... مراتك عاملة زى الدبة اللى قتلت صاحبها عشان حبته قوى... إنت لسة مامتش بس إتخنقت إتكلم معاها وأنا متأكدة لأنها بتحبك قوى وفكرة إنها كدة بيسعدك هتصلح العيب ده"

7- “Because I’m married to the world’s leading Drama Queen. She has the power to turn everything into a crying fiesta and I have to manage and put up with her extensive emotions every time”

" لأنى أنا متجوز ملكة الدراما الأولى فى العالم. عندها القدرة إنها تحول كل شىء لنكد وأنا لازم أتعامل وأستحمل مشاعرها المرهفة"“

٨ "شغلها واخد كل وقتها"

أنا فاهمة الشغل يعنى إيه لأى واحدة... الشغل مش بس لتحقيق الذات أو للقضاء على فراغ قاتل٬ ده حماية وأمان من غدر زمن أو راجل٬ النجاح فى الشغل والإستمرارية فيه تكسير لكل القيود والمعتقدات اللى بتقول ضل راجل ولا ضل حيطة. بس زى ما أنا ضد اللى تدفن حياتها فى مطبخ ولا ورا مقشة أنا ضد اللى تخلى محور حياتها الشغل. الإعتدال فى كل شىء حلو

٩ "... مش محتاجانى فى أى حاجة. عندها إكتفاء ذاتى. بتعرف تتصرف لوحدها. تاخد القرار وتنفذ. أنا مش عارف أنا بقى لزمتى إيه؟ عمرها مطلبت منى خدمة زى أى واحد غريب ولا مشورة ولا مشاورة ولا رأى ولا فى مرة قالتلى إلحقنى. دنيتها ماشية بية أو من غيرى"

١٠ "من حقى شرعا أتجوز أربعة يبقى فاضلى تلاتة" !!!!!!!!!

١١ "سبتها لأنها كانت دايما بتهددنى إنها هتسبنى..."

أول مرة أشوف راجل حس بعدم الأمان بسبب واحدة مش أمه لأن ده مش موجود عندنا دايما الراجل هو اللى بيهدد بالإنفصال لو الست غلطت ودايما الست بتحاول ترضيه عشان ميسبهاش. عدم الأمان هو هو سواء بسبب راجل أو ست.. إحساس إن فى لحظة ممكن كل شىء يروح غير محتمل للراجل وللست بس الفرق مين بيعرف يقول لأ أنا أساهل أحسن من كدة وميقبلش الإبتزاز العاطفى على نقسه.

١٢ "المعايرة... لازم تتكلمى على المشكلة ده وعلى الزوجات اللى مستخصرين نفسهم فى أزواجهم أيا كان السبب إن تعليمهم أحسن أو مستواهم المادى والإجتماعى أحسن. لما وحدة تكون شايفة نفسها أعلى إي اللى جبرها تتنازل عن مكانتها السامية وتتجوز واحد أقل؟"

١٣واحد: "... أنا بحب مراتى جدا بس مشكلتنى معاها إنها على طول زهقانة بتكلمنى كذا مرة وانا فى الشغل علشان مش لقية حاجة تعملها.. عايزانى لما ارجع أخرجها وأقعد أتكلم معاها ولما أقولها مش قادر تقولى حرام عليك أنا طول اليوم قعدة مستنياك..."

أنا:"إنت عندك مشكلة لو إشتغلت؟"

هو:" !!... لأ ليه؟"

أنا: "شوف يا سيدى... هى عندها فراغ مجننها وقريب هيجننك إنت كمان. إنت مش شغلتك إنك تطبطب وتدادى٬ ومش معقول تبقى راجع من شغل لشغل بس طالما إنك معندكش مشكلة إنها تشتغل يبقى شجعها على الشغل ولو هى اللى رفضة أو مش حبة الإلتزام ده يبقى تلاقى حاجة تشغلها... ممكن تشتغل

Part-time

أو من البيت٬ تمارس هوايتها٬ قراية على كورسات إن شالله فى فن الطبيخ٬ عمل تطوعى فى كذا حاجة بس إنت شجعها"

١٤ "خطيبتى ملهاش رأى أقولها يلا نخرج حاضر٬ بلاش تكلمى فلانة حاضر٬ إيه رأيك فى الكنبة دى اللى تشوفه. مانكرش إن هدوئها عجبنى أصلى إتكعبلت فى بنات لمضة كتير بس مش كده... ده ملهاش شخصية خالص"

15- “When the girl has a problem trusting people, she ruins my life with doubts. She thinks I’m always cheating on her. She asks too many questions. If I cheated it’ll be because of her behavior”

" لما البنت ميكنش عندها ثقة فى الناس٬ بتبوظ حياتى بالشك. على طول فاكرة إنى بخونها. بتسأل أسئلة كتيرة. لو خنتها هيكون بسبب تصرفتها"

١٦ "... وأنا إيه اللى يجبرنى إنى أعاشر كدابة... مفيش كلمة توحد ربنا بتطلع من بقها صدق... أسعار الحاجة مضروبة فى عشرة٬ قصصها كلها وهمية... لأ والأهم إنها دايما مفضوحة... ده أثق فيها إزاى بعد كدة؟..."

لبنى خيرى

Lost in unedited thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 13:12:00 +0000

It happened before, this feeling, this fear, this fogginess and endless darkness.

The weather was exactly like today, indecisive.

Ten months ago I was at the same place I am today

Worried and confused.

I thought I will take a stance but I got scared away.

The effect was undeniable

A far fetched victory

That was all

I got to a point that shook my belief system to the core

I was active in a good way

I got a cause to live for

I adored my son even more

I had a mission now to raise him like a true Egyptian

A justice fanatic!

Here we are again,

At the same place

Today, I love my country…

Egypt; a country so vague that makes you wonder whether you love it or hate it!

Today I feel for my people

All the screams and blood.

All the lives that were shed.

They’re trying to say something but it’s too loud I can’t seem to hear them.

I got lost in the midst of all the voices trying to block out each other.

The once hated are now hailed.

The once loved are now hated.

Political parties are clashing.

Rumors of conspiracies are flying.

My country is turning into a victim.

I fear for Egypt…

Where are we going?

What are we doing?

The revolution is now cursed?

When will the dust settle?

It can take years…

I fear for my son

I fear for the future

It's all blurry again

It's all grey again

I hope Egyptians can no longer be manipulated

I wish for roads to be simpler and cleared

I wish for everyone to be honest

We are still virgins when it comes to politics

The grounds are all already shaking

I thought I understood

I thought I have changed

I thought we have gotten more aware

I thought all Egyptians are now patriots

I was wrong

There are Agenda's

There are conspiracies

There are manipulations

And the people are yet again paying the price...

Is this our country or will forever be theirs?

Egypt is cut open

And we are exposed

It's time to render

It's time to decide

Can we be a better country?

I am lost…

A mature to be

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:34:00 +0000

(Published in Magnificent- April 2011)

Back in August, 2009 I was at the AUC studying the principles of voice coaching and TV presenting. Back then radio hosting and writing were my ultimate goals; they were the dream that forced me out of bed each morning and had me cursing every sunset that came by. On the very last session, the instructor- as promised- sat us all down to give her final feedback and honest advice. We were anxiously fetching for flattery and kind remarks to complement all the hard work we’ve put to ace our challenges. Being the sincere self she’s known to be, Dr. Maha tried her best to deliver her thoughts without embarrassing or de-motivating anyone.
I was expecting her comments to be limited to voice tones, facial expressions and body language when she surprised us all with her graver remarks. She was addressing characteristics that affected the way we talked, acted and reacted. She told me that I, for some odd reason, come off as the shy girl. She told Hossam, that he needs to lighten up his seriousness. She told Heba that she doesn’t need to smile because she already has a friendly face. And then she turned to Nancy; her voice changed, she was now speaking as a mother rather than an instructor. Throughout the course, she kept on telling her that she would be an excellent TV presenter for kids, which drove Nancy crazy because she wanted to be taken seriously, yet, no matter how hard she tried she always came off childish and funny. It was then that Dr. Maha uttered a word that I never thought could affect someone that much. Maturity! Her advice for Nancy was to work a lot, to read a lot, to gain as much experience as she can to become more mature!

At that very moment, maturity was more of a sign to me than just a random remark. That was- and shockingly still is- exactly what I’m missing. I had just turned 22; I was two and a half months pregnant; I was keeping it a secret from almost everyone and I was living in denial! The pregnancy news hit me by storm; it was as if betraying my own dream; a brick wall that I cannot destroy nor cross over. And I kept saying I’m not ready to be a mother; I don’t have what it takes to be a good mother. And it’s true! I was not patient; I was not, by any means, into kids; and I had too much on my plate at that time to simply shut off or make room for what’s about to come. But the truth is I was scared, terrified actually to raise another human being while I, myself, am not done growing up.

It is such a huge transition being married with a kid; before when I was about to go to college, I never felt it was that big of a difference because I still lived with my parents, I still had to study, I still panicked during finals and I still had to wake up at 7:00am! Yet, only one factor was changed and I was never overwhelmed or horrified. But with marriage you become responsible for everything, starting with managing the house all the way to safety and cleaning, that of course and the fact that for the first time in my life I was living with a boy!
Exactly one month after coming home from what I can only call a luxurious honeymoon I found out I was pregnant, and my life started to shatter right in front of me. No more published articles, no more radio shows let alone the possibility of a TV show- because who would want to hire a bloating mum to be- and definitely no more clubs and long late-night dinners with super cool friends who have nothing to worry about. Back then, I thought of those nine months as eternity as if I would always be nothing but a pregnant blob. I just couldn’t see a life for me after having a baby and I kept on waking every night to the same nightmare of being an ugly, boring, fat, 40-year old housewife who has wasted her life doing absolutely nothing.
I was totally alone in this pregnancy; I had to rely on books, internet, my mum’s narration of her tales with what seemed to be a sillier version of me and other mums, who I can tell you now since my son is about to complete his twelfth month were lying straight to my face with the whole motherhood is a blessing story. Allow me to tell you what motherhood really is; it’s being on call 24/7, never having a fixed schedule; it’s to live your life day by day, when plans almost never fall into action. Motherhood means giving up on your wishes to meet your baby’s fierce demands. It’s not sleeping at night for weeks and in my case probably for another year. It’s to put your personal life on hold until your baby sleeps and when he does you spend it hoping his nap would last for at least an hour. It’s a constant sense of guilt and question whether you’re doing everything you can to provide a happy healthy home. It’s playing calm and patient when all you want to do is scream and run away. It’s never having a quite time let alone a quality time. Motherhood knows none of an “I” it’s always he, she or they. That is the ugly truth about motherhood, in some ways it is truly a blessing but most of the time it’s none stop work.

I learnt that the hard way and still to this day I wonder how every woman went through it and survived. I wonder how they get everything done without falling apart and yes I envy those who are still single and not looking. I envy their ability to sleep late on weekends and have a fun night out whenever they want. I’m still waiting for me to adapt, to mature and suck it up. I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of barriers I have to cross. But I can tell you this for now, being a mum is a huge life changing experience even if I’m, at the time being, still struggling, I know deep down that one day I’d wake up a new, improved and hopefully a more mature me…

LOBNA KHAIRY

Of Strikes and Perseverance

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Tue, 17 May 2011 18:31:00 +0000

(Published in Magnificent Magazine- April 2011)

It happened towards the end of a new year’s first month when resolutions were still searing with high hopes. But unlike usual resolutions, change no longer seemed far- fetched or scary. This time any change- no matter how tiring- sounded much better than our current today. With the scheming, the stealing, the poverty, and the never ending chain of injustice; it was inevitable for silence to break and for the people to roar.
On January, 25th, 2011, the Egyptian Revolution started…

It was to everyone’s surprise that the revolution kept going, for many it was just like any other riot that has happened before where water hoses and time were enough to put out. Yet, the consecutive blows did nothing to the demonstrators but keep them stronger. This time it was different. This time passiveness was no longer tolerable. This time and for the very first time in 30 years the people were truly fed up and had nothing more precious to lose than what has already been lost.

During the revolution, like many Egyptians, I was tormented by the many contradicting views, between the pros and cons, the supporters and the opponents and the rushing turns of events. Honestly speaking I had my doubts, not in a million years would I have ever thought we’d be where we are today. I never thought Mubarak would actually leave and a couple of months later we would participate in a referendum. But it happened!

During the revolution, like many Egyptian females, I was once more a prisoner of my own gender where Tahrir was considered a dangerously prohibited zone and I was banned from even thinking of going there. But I had to participate in some way and luckily I had three! First, I had my words; I wrote a lot, poured out my heart to white papers and found consolation in my laptop screen. Second, I had my voice; I talked, discussed and debated with those who were- and surprisingly still are anti- revolution. And finally, I had Amani el- Tunsi, my friend and a sincere eye-witness to what was going on in Tahrir. Amani had the guts and the power to go to Tahrir since the early days of the revolutions, I used to call her and listen live over the phone to what was being said and most of the times sung! My heart was just getting hooked to the tales of Tahrir by the minute and she was my only left hope.

After a long night of celebrations on the 11th of February, I got a chance to ask her opinion, hopes and dreams for a better Egypt. After all, she was there protesting and demanding. She witnessed the entire revolution and was firmly biased to Tahrir and did not have a chance to be brainwashed by corrupted media or hidden agendas. Her words were precise and direct, she knew exactly what she wanted to voice to the point that she wrote a book that is going to be published soon under the name “Bent men midan al- Tahrir” (A girl from Tahrir Square) where she has narrated everything, minute by minute, and day by day along with all the people she talked to and discussed with the future of Egypt.

Amani told me that during those eighteen days she felt scared and terrified of what tomorrow might bring. “I used to go there every day with the possibility that I might not see my father again”, she said. “But I was hopeful and was overwhelmed with this strange love and jealousy over my own country. For the very first time, I knew what it felt to be free, to have a voice. What being an Egyptian really means”
When I asked her about the rumors of harassments, she said: “I never felt safer in my life; the men were helpful and defending. They helped us pass by, they helped us park, enter and leave. I felt at home. It was safe and cozy. Besides, we were not at Tahrir to harass or annoy, we had a cause. Even though the reasons may differ but we had a larger mission than silly boyish games”

The glory of this Revolution is not only about its political achievements but its remarkable impact on every person whether a participant or not. The state of being a revolutionary, a free bird who has all the rights in the world to accept or refuse; to demean or encourage; to go on or simply quit. We, as Egyptians, have lost this ability a long time ago. And you can easily spot our passiveness in everything, not just politics.
A student being abused by his teacher remains silent; an employer who is denied overtime bonus does not quit because he is terrified of unemployment; a wife endures her husband’s infidelity to please a sick society that disapproves divorce; A man stays in a lifeless marriage because he cannot afford divorce; A son’s dream is murdered by his parents follow their orders helplessly; A daughter is forced into marriage to escape her family’s prison, etc...
There was a time when no was not an option, when we were forbidden to think, chose, debate or even communicate, but not anymore. The revolution knocked on every door. Everywhere I go I meet people who started to voice their opinions and enforce their rights. Women facing their husbands asking for more respect and engagement; husbands no longer afraid of their occasionally scary wives verbalizing their anguishes; sons and daughters demanding their parents to listen and spend more time getting to know them; employers protesting for their financial rights and health care; students calling for better education; graduates arguing for jobs they can honorably life off, and people fighting the farce of high prices and the scarcity of a good affordable life-quality.

The revolution smoothly relocated from Tahrir square to our homes and minds. The change has already happened. We, Egyptians, have tasted democracy and freedom and I do not think there will ever be a turning back. Whether one agrees or disagrees with the brutality of change compared to the ease of bouncing back to an accustomed life, I say it is better to suffer a year or two of massive confusion rather than tolerating a lifetime of blurry attempts.

LOBNA KHAIRY

إلى كل من قال

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 17:36:00 +0000

إلى كل من قال علينا شباب الـ فيسبوك:
WE DID IT!

إالى كل من قال إننا معندناش إنتماء: مصر جوانا
إالى كل من إستخف بينا: الإرادة بتغير أمة
إلى كل من عارض وكان متشائم: نجحنا
إلى كل من كان خايف على إستقرار مصر بما فيهم إنا: مصر ربنا حافظها فعلا

النهرده نفرح ومن بكرة شغل!
كل رجل فى ميدانه

بلاش فساد
بلاش ظلم
بلاش تدليس
بلاش ظلم
بلاش تزوير

إلى كل أم: ربى إبنك وبنتك على حب مصر
بلاش أنانية

إلى كل رئيس عمل: إتقى الله
بلاش محسوبية

إلى كل مرؤس: إتقى الله
بلاش كروتة وطلسئة

إلى كل مدرس: إتقى الله
بلاش ملعنة

إلى الجيش المصرى: إنتو رجالة

إلى شباب جبلى: أرجوك إفضل إيجابى

إالى الشهداء: دمكم مرحش هدر

إلى المتظاهرين: عندكم حق الحرية طعمها أحلى كتير من عيشة مكبوتة

الثورة نجحت
بس ده البداية

فى صفحة بيضة جديدة لنج مستنية تتكتب
بلاش نوسخها

وأخيرا
إالى عمى: رجع فلوس أبويا بالتى هى أحسن وإلا....
ميدان التحرير موجود

مبروك يا مصر

Love crimes

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 08:57:00 +0000

It started out like a fairytale
You looked at me and I looked at you
I noticed you and you noticed me
You liked what you saw
And I admired the decisiveness in your voice
You were one of a kind; a unique soul
The heat was too much to take
Oh the games we played
Yes, the games you played
One day you’re in; one day you’re out
In mornings you loved me;
By afternoons you were bored
You had me hooked
You knew that
I was destined to live by your book
Nowhere is where I went
I was here, standing, waiting for you to make up your mind
Will you give me your heart?
A year had passed before the games had stopped
You shattered me and yet I was not to give up
You said it; the three words I asked from you
Yet the manipulations did not stop…
A happy home is what I thought we would share
In your eyes I have longed to stare
But the cruel gazes you sent my way
Showed me how love has gone astray
I swore I was innocent from the sins you threw at me
For my heart never loved a man but you
My hands never touched a hand but yours
My thoughts never reached the doorstep of your home
My bad… Your prison…
You locked me in
And I surrendered willingly
People told me it’s out of love you silly
Give him your heart, your soul and body
In his bliss you’ll live long honey
But I tried and it wasn’t enough
As one day you decided to play it rough
Your hands bruised me inside out
Your curses filled me up
Have no doubt
My respect has been replaced with fear
I no longer love you
I hate you the most
And yet you left no way for me to run
You owned every breath I take
You owned every move I make
You owned my cries, my pleas; my awe
You owned it all but you lost me honey
You think I’m beautiful
Then why tare my beauty down
You think I’m attractive
Then why blow my candle out
You made me feel that every man wants me but you
You sinned my body; called me the devil
And you had to live with that too?
You said I was your biggest mistake
What does that make of me?
You said I was your weakest point?
What does that make of me?
You said I was dead to you
And what did I do?
I shot you…
I set you free
From all the crimes you had to commit to me
The manipulations…
The doubts…
The jealousy…
The controlling…
You’ve sinned the most
When you lied to me about whom you are
I loved you and you didn’t comply
And I shall regret nothing
For it’s just another crime made under the name of love…

LOBNA KHAIRY

The perfectionism faux pas

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 08:09:00 +0000

(Published in Magnificent Magazine - Addiction issue 2010)

In our quality studded double standard world, a perfectionist is a star, a unique successful person, someone who’s worthy of everyone’s attention and the perfect candidate for idolism. When you come to think of it, you’ll see how you, I and practically every breathing person roaming this earth were pushed to be perfect, starting with our parents who falsely wished to have perfectly mannered children, who achieve the perfect grades and devise the most perfect career there ever was. To commercials which succeeded to wickedly invade our soft core and stimulate the already frenzied shopping addiction using only one word perfection.
So we buy expensive cars to be perfect; we splurge on insane couture to be perfect; we take, inhale, cut and sniff God knows what to have the perfect figure; we twist, turn and bend inside out to land the perfect partner, therefore life, therefore children and we beat ourselves harshly everyday for not following the much complicated guidelines to achieve perfection. Regarding all the aforementioned truths, does perfection count as something good as we’re made to believe or is it merely a faux pas?!

Well… Sometimes, when a healthy desire for perfection exists, it turns out to be a blessing, an unstoppable engine driving people to accomplishments and sparking the necessary twist to ignite motivation. It provides the power to persevere and give much attention to minute details. Perfection also ties people down, obligates them to commit to their project, to persist, to see it through to the end and to reject failure even when it comes in the form of alluring procrastination.
But, and that’s a very unfortunate but, perfectionism spreads through most of us in its ugliest form, where it becomes an obsession, a firing craze to always be a winner, which usually ends with flat out disappointment. That’s why you see most perfectionists are either depressed or weary workaholics, it’s because they, or to be much honest, we have an eerie belief system. A perfectionist easily believes that there’s no room for error thus would relentlessly torture himself over the pettiest mistake as what he achieves means much more than any other blessing he might ever get. It’s the success; it’s the people clapping their hands until they’re sore in respect for their astonishing work; this is what that they are after, anything less can immediately walk a perfectionist through depression, disappointment and self-loathing.

What comes next is the normal expected consequences of perfectionism, where one would be very inflexible and unable to deal and cope with change. To the extent that if you want to flip a perfectionist over, just mess with his/her daily routine and you’ll know what obsession really means. And because of the failing attempts at perfection; a perfectionist is usually associated with a compulsive behavior may it be alcohol, food, drugs, shopping, sex and smoking. That of course happens with an obvious lack of belief in self and own worth and so low productivity happens.
So now, it won’t come as a shocker to you when you hear of a failure perfectionist. In fact, the majority of perfectionists happen to be marked with low productivity as they care too much about how to get things done that to actually get it done.

If you are the natural healthy perfectionist type then you are not part this schemed faux pas, but if you fell for the spell, pushed yourself too hard to please the crowd and gain acceptance through the perfectionist reputation, then I’ve got a couple of things to share with you…
1. There is no such thing as “the right way” to do things; everyone has his own approach that works for them.
2. You can’t blame others for your depression or low accomplishments just as much as no one will ever take credit for your successes.
3. There is no harm in failed attempts; it’s where you give up on things that you’ve failed.
4. Perfectionism comes from you, you’re the one who decides if things are done perfectly or not so don’t be hard on yourself.
5. We are humans after all, we’re allowed screw ups
6. Everyone has a field of expertise you can’t ace it all.
7. Some things just don’t get finished like house chores and work.
8. Like you torture yourself over failures, praise your success.
9. Keep the adventure spirit alive, dabble different approaches instead of knocking on a concealed door that will never open.
10. Perfectionism is subjective!

LOBNA KHAIRY

Mr. Tortuous... You're nothing but a lover!

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:41:00 +0000

(Published in He Said She Said Magazine - July/August issue 2010)

In mere language notion, “tortuous” means twisted and complex, but in relationship terms tortuousness stands for those who are indirect, ambiguous and unable to keep their promises.

Disclaimer: This article is not dedicated to tortuous women not because they don’t exist or out of the fact that women are better than men or that I’m justifying their reasons, but due to their scarcity. As when a woman is being indirect or vague about her intentions with a man, it usually means she’s either not that into him or picked up on the vibe that he’s aiming a long-term relationship which is not what she’s looking for at the moment.
This article is not dedicated to womanizers who use tortuousness to mess with women’s minds, hearts and hopes. However, this article IS dedicated to tortuous men who have adopted this technique unintentionally and wonder why they never pass the “firsts” phase.
Ever since I understood how men-women relationships work, I became a firm believer that women everywhere love playing the mentor role for their men. They love the challenge, the possibility of changing a dense man into a loving committed partner and curing his illness. As winning that hard to get man over is a simple yet powerful testimony of the strength of their femininity and power to embark change. But when a woman tries and chase, tries again and chases a little bit more and change is nowhere to be seen, she starts to lose faith in her man. She starts to doubt his seriousness and intentions, after all women were not made to chase men; they were made to be pursued by men. And the emotional roller coaster tortuous men, like you, put her through become too tiring as she prefers to be with someone whom she can understand and interpret. Thus, she loses interest and leaves.

So, you see Mr. Tortuous, this is how women work…
When you come off as a player, you might seem appealing to a certain very limited segment of women at first. But for those who’re looking for commitment, once they’ve got you all figured out, you’ll be dumped at the nearest exit.
When a woman is confused about the nature of your relationship, because one day you’re together and the next you’re acting like you don’t even know her, eventually she’ll give up and quit. For that way, Mr. Tortuous, she sees you’re only good for busy women who want part-time men.
When your words are vague and your promises never leave the words zone, women see you as an incompatible man. Because for women, real men are direct with their needs and wants, confident decision makers who have no problem making a promise and sticking to it. And since you’re not fitting under that category, you’re not the perfect candidate for a potential partner.
And when a woman feels she’s taken for granted, that you’re keeping her there until someone better comes along, she’ll lose her trust in you on her way to losing her self-esteem.

Accordingly, it’s very much possible for you to stand by watching the woman you love walk away because you didn’t know what exactly went wrong. You thought women love mystery, you thought they appreciated hard to get men, you thought they enjoyed being tortured for love. Well… You’re wrong. Women translate shadiness, indirectness and lost promises as:
a. Lack of interest. Hence, you’re ditching the woman but in an indirect way.
b. Commitment jitters, where you can’t handle being in steady relationship.
c. Being rushed into a promise that you can’t get out of, so you’re pushing her to breaking up with you.
d. Indifference, where you take nothing serious, nothing is important to you not even your relationship with her.
e. Hiding a secret or a hideous past you want concealed.
f. Being a loner who cherishes privacy and keeping personal distance

Therefore this article is dedicated to you Mr. Tortuous, to tell you why you can’t hold on to a relationship. To open your eyes to a blind spot you could not spot on your own. If a steady relationship is what you’re seeking, then you better speak up. If you find a woman worthy of your love and time, stay direct with your intentions. Keep her on the same page as you are, define your relationship. If you make a promise, try your best to make it happen or at least say you no longer can keep it.
Mr. Tortuous, I want you to think of the many good women you’ve lost because of your shadiness. I want you to remember every situation where you passed on the chance for settling down because you thought women were experts with picking up on signals. Women will not put words in your mouth; they’ll wait around for you to make your move.
If you failed to do so, then automatically you’re removed from the partner section to nothing but a tortuous lover…

LOBNA KHAIRY

When sex-addiction becomes a Woman's thing!

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 14:14:00 +0000

(Published in Magnificent Magazine - Addiction issue)

In a world where ownership and ruling has been forevermore men exclusive, sex was no exception. In fact, sex has been portrayed as all that men ever think about; sex is how you attract a man; sex is how you keep a man; sex is how you’re rated by man and thus the world. So, it was only natural for men consumed by such tremendous amount of sex, to get hooked. Women, on the other hand, are famous for their romance capability, their lust for intimacy and friendship, and their outstanding nurturing performance. Such delicate and loving creatures take the world by storm when they act out of order. When she turns from a dandy lover to a wild party animal, from a nurturing mother to someone who puts her career first, from a shy desire-free flower to a monster who’s ready to take everything at sight and from a caged bird to a woman who’s not afraid to speak her sexuality…
Like men, women get addicted to sex, but not under the same notion. Most sex-addicts from the pink planet don’t have pleasure on their plates; they have other reasons, other factors and other people contributing to their addiction…

1. When the father figure goes missing
Ask a girl who has lost her father at a young age about security and she’ll give you a blank face. Ask her about protection and she’ll reply with extremes. Ask her about men and she’ll tell you they are never to be trusted. A woman who has experienced what professionals call “trauma during childhood” is expected to act out. This woman is after company, not sex. She wants to have a man by her side when life becomes too scary; she wants to feel the presence of a male with a little bit of revenge mixed with need, so she puts out. And what starts as nothing but a trick to attract men, turns into a habit, a manual to attract men that never fails and so she becomes a sex addict.
2. When physical leads to numbness
As it’s the case with any addiction, pain makes the headlines. There are no restrictions when it comes to the cause of pain, anything will do. In fact, sometimes all it takes is a minor strain to turn one’s life upside down. Failure happens to be a major pain trigger. Failing to achieve, to find love, to be loved, to succeed, to enjoy and to feel good about oneself are all enough causes for a woman to resort to sex to feel the satisfaction she’s missing in the real world. Her success to please a man and make him beg for more gives her the thrill she needs to keep on living. She may not get an orgasm, she might not even know how an orgasm feels, but it’s the virtual moment she enjoys that makes her forget all about her pain, failure and distorted body frame.
3. When the need to feel desirable strikes
Make a woman feel beautiful and you’ll keep her for life. But what if she lost that feeling? What if she never knew how beautiful feels? What if she’s spent her life being casted aside and made fun of? When any person is subjected to rejection becomes either an introvert or an extrovert. Women who show sex-addiction, uses sex to prove people wrong, they want to show the world how much men desire them, how sexy and attractive men find them and accordingly, one-night stands become their thing, only for the sake of revenge, nothing more and nothing less.
4. When abused stands for used
The stereotyped image for sexually abused women is lost and so they become. I’m not generalizing here; I know there are the fighters who work hard to fit life back into customary context, but I also know those who fell down hard and sunk deep into despair. Those helpless women found acceptance in sex, the very same acceptance they wanted to find among society yet failed. They find sex as their savior and their pill to spend life without looking back at the shameful day that turned them into decent prostitutes.
5. When swallowed by loneliness
I know how loneliness treats a person, she calls him a nothing, a neglected object, an extra word that’s constantly deleted and she yells at him, put him down and makes him feel like a good for nothing. What cures loneliness is the company of another soul, it doesn’t matter if it’s pure or evil, it doesn’t matter if it’s sincere or betraying; all that matters is that it’s there. Married women experience loneliness, working women experience loneliness, mothers experience loneliness and sex becomes their toy, their source of entertainment and the most fun thing they look forward to do.
6. When self-worth = ??
How many women you know define themselves according to men, to their relationships with men? Women who don’t know who they are outside the commitment bubble, women who don’t know their capabilities and their strengths; women who feel worthless unless they’re dangling from a man’s arm. I know hundreds and I’m sure there are millions of women who can’t define their identities without the help of a man with magical arms to shape them and what better way to get that man than by some magical sex.

Call them desperate, needy or weak. Call them shadows who have been misguided. They are women who live among as, and like all earth-ian women they want love and acceptance. And along their tiring journey in search, they come across sex. They become addicted to sex, those who were once addicted to love and the rush love brings, move on to the next level and trust that sex will never fail to give them what they need, a man by their side and an effective anesthetic until life becomes all pink again.

LOBNA KHAIRY

Even God won't change the past

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 13:24:00 +0000

(Published in Euphoria Magazine - May 2010 issue)

Why would a rapped girl live as a sinner for the rest of her life when she didn’t do wrong? Why would an ex- drug-addict be treated like a fatal infection when he’s already cured? Why would a woman be punished for her right to love and choose a suitable partner when she has a mind of her own? Because people’s views will forever stay the same; once they label someone for a sinner will always be a sinner? No such thing as second chances, no such thing as a strong will to carry on. When they say you’ve wronged, you’re dead, even if God still wants you alive…

Exhibit A:

With a bitter fuming voice, my once madly in love friend started trashing all living women, calling them liars, deceivers and something about being tossed cans! It’s been exactly two months since I last saw him, I remember him being all worked up about this girl he met during a leadership course and how thankful he’s to God to have guided him to that specific place to meet the perfect girl for him. What happened? Did she cheat? Faked her identity? Had an illegitimate child? What could’ve possibly happened to turn someone on the verge of proposing to absolute hatred and anger?

Him: “I’m not her first!”

Me: “Do you mean she’s not a virgin?”

Him: “NO, no, I mean she’s been in love before”

Me: “She’s been in love before! That’s it… that’s what supposed to make her an unsuitable wife and mother for your kids. She’s a twenty something “woman”. Did you truly expect to meet a “woman” who’s been caged all those years, waiting for you?!”

Him: “She wasn’t engaged, she was very specific; I’ve been in a relationship before”

Me: “So, if she was engaged, would that make her honorable, respectful and worthy of your precious ring? You’ve been in relationships before, you’ve been in love before, but it didn’t work out. And it’s not like she’s sinned, it’s her right to love and choose who she wants to be with. Or would you prefer her to stick around in a doomed relationship just because people like you would not want to marry her afterwards? Or better yet, lie about having previous relationships so that people like you would place her under the good Egyptian girl category and would want to marry her? She’s not a woman with a past; she’s an honest woman, with nothing to be ashamed of, and a free will to choose.”

Exhibit B:

It was my first time to attend an ambiguous writers’ meeting, where no one, not even the staff had a clue about what the coming issue is about. So, for the sake of jumpstarting ideas, they asked each of us to share a life changing experience and the impact it had on our personalities, beliefs, views and everything. Thus, after a long pause free from eye contacts and some “come on-s” from the editors, a dark attractive guy saved us all and took the stage…

“Hello everyone, I’m someone someone. A year ago, I was a drug addict, heroin to be specific. Regardless of how I got there and how my parents found out, what matters is that I was placed in a hideous rehab center which I escaped a couple of times. Each time, my family would force me to go back and each time I manage to either escape or smuggle in drugs to keep me there for a few days. Until, I witnessed a friend die from overdose. He was a rich kid, with everything to live and get well for, instead he chose to escape through drugs. His death shook me to my very core because I knew him; I talked to him and shared drugs with him. Only, then I realized that death is near, especially to me, so close that I can smell the stench of its breath. And I quit drugs for good. It wasn’t the rehab that helped me, I helped myself start over and build a new life. I was so proud of myself that I saw no shame in being a recovering drug addict. I find it influential. But people don’t, they don’t want to hire me, they don’t to marry me their daughters, they don’t want their children around me because apparently I’m a bad influence. I was acceptable when people knew nothing about my addiction but now that I outspoken, they want nothing to do with me...”

Exhibit C:

Walking by a well-known children’s park in Nasr City, she was startled by a loud winded breath-like sound. Turning around in search of the source, she saw a man “getting off” at the dark corner of the fence. As she increased her pace thinking what a pervert this man must be, she felt his strong grip over her left arm and suffocating hand clasping her mouth. Her heart pounded as he dragged her to his leisure spot. She prayed hard for it all must be a nightmare. But the stronger she fought, the firmer he sealed her mouth. His rotten smell, thick hairy skin, curious hands creeping up her body were too much for her to bear… She blanked out.

Awakened by the deafening horns of a truck, she had only one thought in mind, how will she get in her home looking like this without sparking questions? She searched her purse for cash and headed to the nearest clothes store, asked the sales girl to help her for she had an accident and can’t walk the streets looking like this. Tossing her filthy old clothes away, she had to decide. Should she keep this to herself, fake her virginity and not tell a soul? Or should she speak up and share the heavy burden with her family? After weeks of torment, she decided to tell, after all she didn’t do anything wrong. Today she’s imprisoned in her own room, detained from life, love, work, friends and ironically family…

When judgments prevail it becomes almost impossible for the eyes to see different angles and for the minds to embrace an alternative truth. When we make mistakes we hope they go unnoticed, so we can easily pass for people living within the norms of acceptance. When we question fate and destiny, trying really hard to extract the rare good from the bad, we find our stronger side. When we decide to face people with our truth, it’s always rejection in the face. If God intended for us, and those who’ve had/ are still having a challenged life, to walk a certain path, for some reason we can’t fully understand within the moment of crisis, then we’ll walk it no matter how smart, careful and faithful we are. The truth is our past is exactly like our future; can’t be changed nor controlled. It’s either we accept those around us the way they are or let them be. Because if even God won’t change the past, who are we to challenge, judge and punish?!

LOBNA KHAIRY

Call me happy- go- lucky

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Mon, 10 May 2010 20:20:00 +0000

See… I changed my font; I’m not using Times New Roman anymore; I don’t even want to use it… … I’m lying; I’m dying to change my Trebuchet back to Times New Roman; I’m struggling not to think about it; I’m keeping my fingers busy from changing the font just as I’m restraining myself from calling you…
I swear I’m not trying to annoy you; I just want to show you I care… I want to love you right and give you the attention you need. I want our dates to be perfect and my gifts to be thoughtful…
I didn’t mean to bore you down with all my questions; I want to know you perfectly. I want to learn you inside out; I want to know what makes you happy and what makes you tick. I want to learn your maze and be able to go in and out smoothly. I want to spare you the tiresome of hinting. I want to do everything you want me to do without even asking.

Before you came along I had no real friends. Before you came along I felt like I’ve been used and taken for granted, everyone knows I’ll plan the perfect event, buy just the perfect gift and prepare the perfect guest list. When they ask me to do such a thing, they think that it’s more like a compliment to me, that I’ll think of it as an expression for their unconditional trust in my decisions or maybe I’ll get fooled when they call me the superstar. It’s more of an insult actually because my so-called friends know that I’ll perfect any task they hand me, they know I can’t help but to do that, so they leave me all alone, to work, to plan and to buy while they go on with their fun-filled lives, leaving all the heavy lifting to me. But I can’t help it…

At work, no one questions my decisions, no one double check my work. I’m supposed to feel flattered and motivated. But I feel neglected…
When I’m at home, I spend my time cleaning and organizing. I go by my day tidying and managing. I live my life wondering what will go wrong if I stopped perfecting every damn single think but I can’t help it…

I hear people laughing at me; I know what they think of me. It’s complicated how they admire my attitude yet abhor it. But I’m no longer impressed nor grateful… I’m bored…
I’m tired of living in a suit I’m constantly worried to wrinkle. I’m tired of being used. I’m tired of losing man I’ve ever loved because I care so much, but I can’t help it…

I can’t help it because I fear failure and hate disappointment…
I can’t help it because I don’t like being judged…
I can’t help it because I don’t want to be rejected, if that’s what people like in me so be it, I’m a perfectionist…
I can’t help it because I loathe mistakes and the silly people who make them…
I can’t help it because I fear the unknown…
I can’t help it because I want to play the idol role…
I can’t help it because I crave acceptance…
I can’t help it because I seek praise…
I can’t help it because I aim security and certainty…
I can’t help it because I love success and uniqueness…

There… I’m exposed… Yet, I don’t want perfectionist to be my thing, especially after you told me you’ll leave. Usually, in a much similar circumstance, I’d switch on my stubborn mode and be the most perfect perfectionist I’ll ever be… But I’m not after changing only for you. Like you, I’m not happy, I’m never satisfied and I’m constantly tired to please this and that and maintain an image I’m wishing to destroy…

I saw your face flushed with anger and pity. I saw you raise your hand in question why do I act that way. I feel you like the outgoing person you rarely saw in me. I feel you want to destroy my conservativity and the schedule book I never fail to leave. I feel you want me to laugh at silly jokes, take a break every once in a while and enjoy life, and so am I…

I’m 22 years old, yet I’m living the life of an 80 years old. I want to live spontaneously and act my age. I want to throw my worries behind and live if just for a while outside the perfectionism curse… I truly want that and I’ll act on it…

See… I told you I can be informal, I told you I can speak my mind without editing my thoughts, I told you I have that alter gene… I told you I can be happy-go-lucky.

LOBNA KHAIRY

Hooked on Firsts!

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sun, 02 May 2010 10:25:00 +0000

(Published in Magnificent Magazine - Mirror issue 2010)

Back in the days when lollipops meant more to me than jewelry, I believed that men who couldn’t find it in them to commit were either constantly falling for the crazy ones or flat out womanizers. I believed that the success of any relationship fell on the woman’s shoulders only. I believed that whenever a woman is dumped or divorced it’s the result of her own stupidity and flawed nature. I believed that women must marry before the age of 25 and men wed whenever they felt like it. I believed that cheating is only allowed for men. I believed that only men can marry more than once. But I also believed that eating white marshmallows on New Year’s Eve brings luck and happiness!

Time passed by crushing all my naïve theories- including that of white marshmallows- under its big feet and I saw relationships as a world on its own with its young, youths and elders. I saw hearts being crushed for no fault of their owners. I saw couples separate because they don’t want to be together anymore. I saw one-sided love. I saw women cheat, marry by the age of 35, get a divorce and re-marry. I saw men confused, defeated and weak. I saw people get married behind their parents’ backs, despite their approvals and defy traditions. I saw men who cannot commit to one woman and they’re neither womanizers nor suffering bad luck. I saw men, who despite the fact that they’re seeking a stable relationship, give up quickly and move on in search of another and I had to pause…

I thought good for women, for their growing ability to say no, to change their present, to make mistakes, choose and aim for a more convenient future; but the men?! The men who, all over the world, are stereotyped as cheaters, pigs that are only looking to satisfy their desires and partners who wouldn’t wait around for intimacy to happen.
Why would a man, aiming commitment and has no jitters whatsoever, lose the ability to commit? Why would he, if not a player, rush from one relationship to another? What makes a man leave behind a woman he really likes if he senses potential for success?

Because he’s hooked on firsts!

The story usually goes like this; a nice man meets a nice lady, sparks fly all over the place, hormones start pumping through their veins. The man meets his testosterone craze while the woman faces her estrogen, creating the ultimate physical pull. Then attraction on every other level happens because of a game our brains master through love chemicals. Dopamine, “the pleasure chemical”, is released causing the euphoric rush and endless craving towards the significant other. Followed by Norepinephrine, which has the adrenaline-like effect, creating the racy heart beats and excitement lovers get when hearing their partners’ names. Together, Dopamine and Norepinephrine, produce what relationships-terms refer to as firsts, starting with sleeplessness all the way to loss of appetite. Add obsession, because of the decreased Serotonin levels, and the lover becomes the one and only thing in mind.

So love happens because of a chemical cocktail the brain releases when the timing and conditions couldn’t be more perfect. Accordingly, there are those who may get hooked on the love chemicals. They’re referred to as love junkies, love addicts, high on love or even firsts addicts. They crave that rush, elation and obsession love chemicals produce at the early beginnings of relationships and as their bodies build up tolerance to those chemicals, they start to crave more and more of the mysterious love potion. That’s why they usually go from one relationship to the next in search of a love fix. And giving the fact that men are more visual than women, they happen to get hooked on firsts faster and more frequently than women. That doesn’t mean that it never happens for women, it does, but since almost all women cherish the effort and time they invest in relationships and the fact that most women are very emotional, it’s highly unlikely for them to call it quits out of steadiness.

That being said, the hooked- on- firsts- people end a relationship because, for them, it’s not exciting anymore, it no longer delivers that rush they desire and it’s going in the direction of utter boredom. Therefore, you can find a man who couldn’t be more thrilled about his new partner and rush-filled relationship, but then when the firsts are over and the commitment phase starts to blossom, he loses interest along with his fix, thus thinking this relationship and this partner is not for him and moves on to the next. And you can find a man who after a long pursuit to be with an extraordinary woman, the moment he gains her approval is the one when the captivating lights shut off and he finds himself stuck with nothing but an ordinary woman in a boring relationship that needs to end.

A lot of people debate over the notion of whether love is addictive or not. Science settled the case with the fact that for some people, mostly men, love do get to their heads and become their grand quest. And since the case of love junkies isn’t yet out in the open, once you sense that you or your partner are hooked on firsts, you need to know that having a long-term relationship won’t be a walk in the park. For you have to keep the flame alive, that adrenaline rush present, the hormones elevated and the chase endless. Even if you need to separate for a while, travel some place new or pick up a new hobby. As long as you’re honest about it, love will always be that thrill you desire.

Women are victims by choice

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 16:37:00 +0000

(Published in Euphoria Magazine, February 2010 issue)

I’m sick and tired of watching women degrade themselves in every way just to be with a man. I’m fed up with the helpless creatures they’ve become in the name of love and I despise the vulnerable position they always manage to get themselves into. I don’t want to hear them curse their bad luck anymore. I don’t want them blaming other people, including men, for how they ended up to be and play the victim’s role. After all everything goes according to a woman’s choice, she chose a man to be her partner, she chose to give in to obligations and pressure, she chose to mute her voice, she chose to think irrationally, she chose to live dragged behind every male figure in her life, she chose to come in last and then she comes crying in agony. Whether you agree with me or not, there are facts which can’t be denied, there are women who out of desperation, lack of self-confidence, fear, ignorance or misunderstanding contributed to the making of their own misery. My mission is to open your eyes, to help you clearly see the mistakes you’ve been making and the wrong decisions you’ve been taking under the umbrella of love and pleasing a man…
1.Leaving your passion behind
Your career, hobbies and interests add to your happiness, self-satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. When you give that upon a man’s wrestles threats then know you’re dealing with an immature, selfish kid who wants a marionette to control. And when you give him that right, you’ve handed him the key to your prison.
2. Turning into a zombie
I’ve seen it happen tens of times before, where an insecure, jealous and possessive man chooses who his woman should/ should not be friends with or if she should have friends at all. Should she contact her family or live in isolation? This is just the beginning to erasing your existence; soon you’ll be living according to his norms, thoughts and desires.
3. Doubting yourself
You can’t tell if a certain outfit makes you thin or fat, a decision is wrong or right, what you hate and what you like; what you should accept and which you should reject unless he defines them for you. It’s either you were that insecure from the start or allowed him to shake you up this hard. Find your own values, beliefs and perspectives, instead of waiting around for a man to dictate you your own identity.
4. Believing in double standards
If you believe that it’s ok for him to socialize with other women, spend most of his time with friends, have his own space, ditch you, cheat and lie but it’s not ok for you because he’s a man, then you’re living in double standard. You have the right to be respected, appreciated, listened to and supported. Being a woman doesn’t deprive you from that, and he being a man doesn’t grant him justification.
5. Being afraid of losing him all the time
Being afraid to argue his decisions, say no, go out with friends, speak your mind, work or even breathe so he’s won’t jump up and leave, this is fear at its worst cases. And sometimes the man is not even responsible, it’s out of your fragility, insecurity and underestimation of the strength of your relationship that the mere thought of him being upset, terrifies you to the very core.
6. Accepting abuse
Why would you allow a man to beat you? Talk down to you? Humiliate you? Break your happiness? Use your emotions and treat you like a stinky animal? Why would you stand around witnessing your soul degradation doing nothing? This is not a relationship, this is slavery and you’re not a victim, you’re plain out weak.
7. Sacrificing your body to keep him
Giving him sex will not keep him and giving him the right to roam your body will not keep him… If you offer your body in return of love, you’ll receive nothing but temporary sympathy. If you believe sex keeps a man or force him into marriage, go through history and you’ll find endless line of women called mistresses, prostitutes and sluts. Know that the right guy won’t blackmail you for sex or else he’ll leave, the right guy will never force you into something you’re not ready to do.
8. Rushing into relationships
Who said you should be married by 20? Who said you should settle for less? Who said being in a relationship is the only way to social acceptance? Who said you should feel incomplete without a man? Who said you don’t have the right to build a career? Who said you must accept the first suitor in case no one better comes next? Would you be happy with a divorce? Would you enjoy the sight of your children living in misery because of a wrong choice you made? Even if the whole world is pushing you to settle for anyone, you’ll be all alone when your world comes crashing down.
9. Pretending to be someone else to please him
As much as I’d love to stay proud of the fearless independent generation we’re growing up to be, yet still there’re those who’re still hiding under the “good Egyptian girl” norms. Afraid to speak their different views and opinions, burying their dreams and hopes and switching their independence for a catering service providing the needs and perspectives Egyptian men would want in good Egyptian girls to wed.
10. Living in hope of a better him that will not come
Change will never happen to a person unless he craves it. Period
Even when you give him strength, support and threats, he won’t do it. And there’s no such thing as marriage will change him. Open your eyes to his flaws; shatter that blinding love mirror before you end up in wretchedness.
11. Living just for him
It’s true that men love to feel like kings, they like to think that nothing in their women’s lives is as important as them. Still, they hate nagging women, who keep their eyes fixated only on them, who act like stalkers. Please don’t push yourself to end up with a nervous breakdown when he leaves, your man is a part of your life, don’t allow him to be your whole life.
12. Feeling ashamed of previous relationships
Being in love before is not a crime you should be punished for. Calling it quits on a doomed relationship reflects bravery and self-honesty. Don’t let a man punish you for a right he gave himself. You’re not a sinner and you certainly shouldn’t be treated like one.
13. Blaming yourself for everything that went wrong in your relationships
I can’t comprehend self-pity and I can’t tolerate weakness. It takes two to start a relationship and the same two to end it. Taking responsibility for your share of mishaps is crucial, learning from the mistakes is mandatory but feeling flawed for failing a relationship is dim.
14. Forcing yourself where you’re unwanted
It happens a lot where a woman keep chasing after a man who’s rejecting her, refusing to believe that he’s not interested and excusing his discouraging behavior as being shy to ask her out. Why would you humiliate yourself that way? Why won’t you pick up on his polite hints? And why would you force yourself where you’re clearly unwanted?!

LOBNA KHAIRY

Are you insecure or that desperate?

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 13:53:00 +0000

(Published in He Said She Said Magazine, February 2010 issue)

I’ve done it before; I allowed my insecurities to take control over my life. I played it too safe, too careful as not to cross any line. I followed the herd to avoid being the outsider. I was too afraid to be alone, to be rejected and run down. I was underestimated by me. I was taken for granted by me. And I allowed others to do me the same honor. I faked and pretended. I silenced my fears only to discover that actions do speak louder than words and that like everyone else I, too, was insecure…

What is insecurity?
Insecurity is the lack of trust in oneself and in people in general. Period

Why insecurity happens?
1. Fear:
a. Fear of commitment:
You’re afraid to be caged with the same person for the rest of your life, afraid to lose your freedom, to lose interest and passion to live. You think of commitment as a legitimate form of slavery, the only difference is that you- willingly- allow someone to control your dreams and soul.
b. Fear of intimacy:
While you may find nothing scary about commitment, about being with the same person for God knows how long, yet it’s the idea of opening up to someone that’s scary. You find it hard and threatening to share intimate details about your life, communicate your feelings and allow someone to know you inside out.
c. Fear of rejection:
“Our human nature makes us strive to show our best qualities because we’re always searching for love and approval”- Paolo Coelho
So you keep on faking, adopting views that aren’t your own, living the lifestyle you despise and all for the sake of approval. You’re afraid to show your true self because you’re not sure it fits the social code.
d. Fear of losing identity:
If ever anyone came close to changing you, you throw tantrums. If you ever got influenced, you get irritated. You’re living inside a protective bubble, trying to preserve your goals and personality. You become aggressive in defense of not being someone’s follower.
2. Low self-esteem:
When you’re not satisfied with the way you look, act and talk, it’s very much expected to feel that the whole world is ready to pick on you. When you have a weight problem that’s causing you to feel so little and incompetent, you get intimidated easily and prefer to avoid people. When you feel you’re not good enough, smart enough, interesting enough, you get this strong vibe that people will look down at you and that’s making you deeply insecure.
3. Doubt:
You’re living in the endless doubt that everyone is cheating on you, laughing behind your back, sharing your secrets and ready to jump up and leave you any minute.
4. Instability:
Whether you brought this on yourself or have been forced to go through instability, the end result is the same. You worry that money could run out or may never come, that you’ll lose your job again and live in debt or that you’re not getting enough security in your relationship because your partner is always full of threats and the chances are you may once more be left alone.
5. Past experiences:
You may have gone through stuff before that’s causing your insecurities. You may have lived through them with flawed parents. And you may have witnessed the hardships your friends had to go through. Wherever you’ve acquired your past experiences that are causing you to feel insecure, they sure have affected you intensely.

Are you insecure?
- Do you interpret your partner’s actions and words in a negative way as if they want nothing more but to hurt and insult you?
- When things go wrong in your relationships or work, do you tend to look for someone else blame?
- Are you constantly worried that your partner is lying to you or even cheating?
- Do you snoop around trying to prove that he/she’s cheating?
- Are you tormented with jealousy?
- Are you to trying to control your partner?
- Do you stick to your partner like a baby to his mother?
- Are you afraid that he/she will leave?
- Do you live in a constant state of paranoia and doubt that you have to interrogate everyone to make sure they’re telling you the truth?
- Are you always in need for someone to help you make decisions or better yet make them for you?
- Do you get sensitive towards certain topics like your weight, love life and career?
- Do you underestimate yourself and your capabilities that you always settle for less?
- Do you need attention to feel good about yourself?
- Do you need to be with someone to feel complete?
- Do you personalize everything?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, then you are insecure. You need to mark the questions you’ve agreed with, categorize what is it that you feel insecure about and go back to why insecurity happens to find your blind spot.

Fix?
1. If your insecurities have to do with the way your partner treats you then for the love of God share them before they turn into a problem, strangle your relationship and leave you living with unresolved issues.
2. If your insecurities are a result of the way you see yourself in the mirror, try to work on that with yourself first. Look around you and you’ll see far worse people, be satisfied with yourself first and aim for improvement.
3. Tip 1: Work on boosting your self-esteem by doing volunteer work, helping people and surrounding yourself with positive inspiring people.
4. Tip 2: Work on your communication skills; learn how to communicate your feelings so as to be able to speak up when something is bothering you or not working for you anymore.
5. If you’re between relationships and know that your insecurities are because of you, take time to work on them first, to really focus on setting your self-image straight before embarking on another relationship.
6. Even if you talk your insecurities with others, seek out help to forever delete them, remember that insecurities come from within. Whether you’ve acquired them or created them, no one can fix them for you, they have to be fixed inside out.

LOBNA KHAIRY

أنا مش بطة بلدى

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:35:00 +0000

مجلة إحنا - فبراير 2010
صورة البطة فى خيالى طول عمرها زى الست المتستتة فى بيت عدلها... بتصحى من النوم تفكر تفطر العيال والراجل إيه٬ وبعد لما ينزلو تفكر هتطبخلهم إيه على الغدا ولما يكلو تفكر بأة هتعشيهم إيه. وكأن الدنيا مفهاش غير أكل وكأن عيالها وجوزها دول مش هيعرفو إنها بتحبهم غير بالأكل وكأن كل دورها إنها تطبخ وتخلف. وطبعا هى مش ناسية نفسها٬ بتاكل... بتاكل كتير قوى... بتاكل زيادة عن اللزوم لحد ما بقت فعلا عملة زى البطة. الطائر الغبى اللى أنا بكرهه. مبفهمش هو عامل كدة ليه؟ يعنى ربنا كارمه ومديله ريش وجناحات عشان يطير ونادرا ما بيطير... مكسل. وسايب كل من هب ودب يمسكه من زوره وبزغطه اللى هو عوزه٬ مستسلم للظروف على طول الخط. ملهوش طموح للطيران والحرية والإستكشاف... طائر كئيب وبروطة كمان٬ عايش عشان غيره يستفيد من لحمه وبيضه وريشه وكيانه ٬ بالزمة ده بقى عايش ليه؟ ولما تبقى صورة " المدام" محفورة عندى - وعند بنات كتيرغيرى- على إنها الست القصيرة التخينة المقززة اللى معندهاش شخصية ولا رأى٬ اللى جوزها الغلبان مش طايقها وبيتمنى اليوم اللى يخلص فيه من الرغيف البايت اللى عايش معاه على رأى إحسان عبد القدوس٬ يبقى فيه مشكلة ومشكلة كبيرة كمان
من حوالى ست سنين كده وأنا فى أولى جامعة إبتدا يتكرر عندى كابوس معين٬ بيجيلى لغاية دلوقتى. الكابوس ده بشوفه كل ما أكسل أشتغل أو أفرح زيادة باللى ربنا أنعم عليا بيه. بشوف إنى بصحى يوم عيد ميلادى الأربعين الصبح ألاقى بيت وعيال وزوج بيقولو إن هما بتوعى أنا...أنا؟ يعنى البيت المكركب ده بتاعى أنا وقرطة العيال دول أنا اللى مخلفاهم والراجل اللى قاعد بالفنلة ده قال إيه جوزى أنا؟؟... أبص فى المرايا ألقانى مش عارفنى... وحدة مبهدلة وعجوزة... أسأل عن ورقى وكتابتى يقولولى مفيش٬ الراديو والإذاعة بطلتيهم من زمان... التدريس؟ بح... طيب أنا بعمل إيه؟ ولا حاجة٬ بطة بلدى... لا عندى هوايات ولا نشاطات ولا إجتماعيات ولا إهتمامات ولا طموحات ولا أى حاجة. زوجة وأم من النوع اللى مترضوهوش لحبايبكم... كسولة مستسلمة ومملة. وطبعا الفزع والخوف اللى بفوق عليهم مش محتاجين وصف. وكان من الطبيعى والمتوقع إن كابوس الأربعين يزيد كل لما ميعاد فرحى يقرب٬ لدرجة خلت الراجل (اللى هو جوزى حاليا) يخرج عن شعوره ويقولى "إنتى محسسانى إنك داخلة تايوت وإن الحياة هتقف بعد كدة!" فعلا أنا كنت حسة إن مفيش حياة لية بعد الجواز وإنى لازم أعمل كل حاجة قبل اليوم ده٬ لازم ألحقق أنجح لحسن ميتكنش فيه وقت للنجاح بعدين... لازم ألحقق أشتغل لحسن أكسل وحياة الأنتخة تاخدنى لأحضان الكنبة وعالم التسوق عبر شاشة التليفزبون. أنا مكنتش خايفة منه لأنى أنا اللى إخترته وحبيته وحسة معاه بالأمان والراحة. ولا خايفة من توقيت الجواز لأننا إخترناه مع بعض بعد ما أتخرج وأشتغل وأخد الدبلومة اللى عوزاها من الجامعة الأمريكية...وحصل بس أنا خايفة من نفسى٬ من كسلى٬ من قلة تركيزى على طموحاتى. خايفة على أحلامى وكياتى لينحصر فى كونى زوجة وأم "تعبانة" عيشة فى وهم هى الوحيدة اللى مصدقاه. يمكن عشان كده عندى فوبيا من أى حاجة ممكن تعطلنى عن شغلى٬ عشان مش عوزة أعيش عيشة أنا مش حباها بسبب إن مفيش حل غيرها. مش عوزة ألعب دور الست المقهورة الغلبانة المستهلكة. مش عوزة أطلع عيال معقدة ولا ضايعة عشان أنا نفسى ضايعة.
ولو فكرين إن أنا بس اللى كدة تبقو غلطانين. إحنا جيل كامل من البنات طلعين عندنا فوبيا البطة البلدى٬ وهى اللى خلقت الطموح والأحلام خارج حدود البيوت سواء بيت الأب ولا حتى الزوجية. فوبيا البطة البلدى خلت الجواز والخلفة فى حد ذاتهم مبقوش إنجاز لكن نجاح الجواز وتربية أولاد صالحين هو ده المهم. جيل بنات طموحة عندها وعى لأهمية الشغل٬ ولو حتى تطوعى والثقافة وملئ الفراغ وضرورية وجود كيان خاص بعيد عن الأم والأب والزوج وتقاليد المجتمع. عرفين يعنى إيه خرس زوجى وفتور علاقة وملل الزوجة وهى قعدة مبتعملش حاجة الصبح. عرفين يعنى إيه قهر وإستغلال وغدر زمان ويمكن راجل. عرفين يعنى إيه طلاق وعواقبه. يعنى إيه خيانة وسوء إختيار وتسرع. رفضين رفض تام صورة المرأة المغلوبة على أمرها... سمعو وشافو وبعضهم عاش المشاكل ده كتير وفى الاخر طلعو كارهين البطة البلدى زيى تمام.
لبنى خيرى

How to tell her you've cheated?

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:40:00 +0000

(Published in Magnificent Magazine, December/January 2010 issue)

Ever since horror stories have been told about men confessing cheating to their women and then mysteriously vanishing from the face of earth, men have been sneering over the same question; should I tell her or should I not? Even if your cheating was on the minor side, may it be a slip of the heart or technology hype, you're still faced with the two options you've been intentionally avoiding.
While not telling her may seem like the sanest and safest thing to do, it's also preferred religiously! Exactly like adultery, where you come clean and remorseful to God, ask for His forgiveness and never go back. You deserve punishment when sufficient number of witnesses hand you over. Following the same manner, wrecking a happy home under the umbrella of "the wife deserves to know" is also frowned upon. Yet deciding to tell her remains your decision and her right as well. Assuming of course you are willing to bear the consequences...
So, how to prepare and tell?!
1. Ask yourself, why do I want to tell her?!
a. For the sake of honesty? Well, that's rational and given, but I'm talking about an affair that's happened and done where you don't want to be with another woman, but suffering from the fact that you've betrayed her trust and offered your love and emotions to someone else.
b. You've been served?! Usually it takes two to tango, and if your plan was to keep that quickie dance in hiding, it doesn't necessarily mean that your partner in crime has the same thought. So, you're doing the right thing by telling her yourself as it's always best for her, your safety and the tiny probability that your relationship may still go on if she hears it from you firsthand.
c. You want to dump her? While I believe this way to be the most childish and weakest thing a man can ever do, but yes, when a woman is humiliated that bad, she'll walk away, yet you'll remain the lowest creature ever lived.
d. You need a solid barrier to keep you away from cheating? There's nothing like pleading for your woman's forgiveness and her shaky trust to keep you from falling off the wagon. But please don't be selfish, if you know that you're all for polygamy, don't torture her by giving fake promises. The worst scar a man can leave a woman with is betraying her second chance.
2. Prepare yourself for all possible Consequences
Z.M sent me his problem with cheating saying: "I've been engaged to a girl I love deeply for four months. Exactly three weeks ago, one of my old girlfriends called me in order to help her with some problems she's been having and knowing my fiancée, I didn't bother to tell her about the whole thing. I admit I lied about where I was and whom I'm with, until my fiancée accidentally walked in the same café I was at with the other girl. I admit my feelings resurfaced for my ex especially that she really needed me, but I love my fiancée very much and I never planned on leaving her or cheating on her. Now she wouldn't talk to me or even discuss it with my cousin who's also her best friend. What should I do? "
I've already emailed Z. back with the answer but here's the part you need to know to forecast the outcome of your situation…
Setting your personal flaws aside, when a woman finds out her man has enjoyed an extra-relationship fling; her reaction usually depends on three things;
1. How she found out?
2. How much she loves you?
… And her personal vision regarding cheating, which is our main concern, and accordingly women can be categorized into three classes:
a. Women who believe all men are cheaters
So she awaits the moment you do and may seem like she's forgiven you on her holly being and decided to continue in the relationship but make no mistake you're on constant probation. She'll suspect your every move, word and even smell. For her, subconsciously, you'll constantly be a perfect suspect for betrayal. Now answer me this, will you be happy spending the rest of your life trying to prove your honesty every second of every day? Will you be able to live with someone who thinks you're unworthy of her love and trust, because she'll never make you forget it? Will she be able to handle living in doubt? In the numbing fear of you walking out on her?! Well, your answer will determine whether your relationship will survive the cheating or not…
b. Women who are new to cheating
Just like anyone would be in such speechless moments, this type of woman will be shocked, hurt and more confused. As she believe in good, decent men, it's quiet difficult to predict their reaction. Maybe she'll forgive and not forget and may be she'll forget but not forgive you for the pain you caused her. In all cases, you need to give her time to digest it all in, make up her mind and react. Only then you'll be able to see if you can move on or let it die…
c. Women who can forgive and forget
Every person alive has his own definition for cheating, we have different points at which we draw a line and pause to write the "C" word. Women have that too; believe it or not, there're many women who doesn't consider flirting, casual talking or even the occasional eyeing as cheating. They may forgive and forget because you've confessed cheating the right way, with the right reasons that they empathize with you and at the perfect time.
3. Start telling
So you've talked it through with yourself, made up your mind about the reason why you want to spill the beans and kind of forseen the outcome when it comes your woman's acceptance, now is the time for you to evolve to a much moral being and tell it all…
a. Perfect your timing: Not only to choose the time when she's calm and at a better receptive mode. You need to confess your sin ASAP, because the more time that passes, the less you seem sincere and tormented with guilt in her eyes.
b. Flatter her: Tell her how kind and forgiving she is. Tell her how much her love means to you. Mention all the good things you've done and accomplished together. It's true she may not remember your gestures after you confess but when deciding what to do with you, the entire conversation will hit her back and it'll sooth things out.
c. Start telling! You must start by explaining the situation first, not the reasons why you did it, but rather how you slipped. A momentary lapse, a lack of judgment or else. But never blame her for it, because then she'll switch to defensive mode and start attacking back. Then tell it as it is, no graphic details involved nor heart beats melodies unless of course she asks you to, but even then, try to make it less intense.
d. Give her time to digest the news, cool off and make up her mind.
e. But at that time, don't disappear and don't be too near. Send her flowers, sweet messages, a letter or something to show that you care and want to be with her, only her, as some women need to feel the appreciation and most of them likes to torture their men before settling back.
f. And finally, you have to respect her decision and live with it.

LOBNA KHAIRY

Truths men will never admit to

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 09:17:00 +0000

(Published in Euphoria Magazine, January 2010 issue)

Treat people the way you want to be treated is a falsy statement. Especially when those people are of different gender, opposite gender, that agree on being different and depart on being the same. The thing is with men it is not only exclusive on ambiguity, but with the fact that they crave mysteriousness, they seek being the player no single woman will ever own. Whether they are in fact that mercury-painted creature or wannabe's, they all are addicted to the rush of it. Do men want commitment? Do they have blood in their veins? Are they capable of feeling? Why are men the way they are? Why are they rude? Insensitive? Polygamists? Why do they have all sort of excuses for sex? Angry sex, make-up sex, I'm bored sex, etc... Why does sex seem to be the only thing on their minds?
You see, women get puzzled easily, that's just the way they are, so they assume men are like them and want to be treated the same way and men hate the talking, that's also the way they are. But one way or another, men's truths got unwrapped, even if they'll never admit to...
1. Men are not multi-functional
Try talking to a man while working and list 2 things to get on the way home, he'll either not remember such conversation took place, confuse the tasks he has to do, and of course he won't ask you to repeat them again, or he'll get just one of them done.
Try chitchatting with a man while driving to reach an address, he'll miss the turn and accuse you of distracting him.
Try calling on a man once while playing video games, wait and wait and he'll never answer back.
At first those were nothing but observations women picked on and usually laughed about with girlfriends on sushi, but now they're classified as scientific facts about the male brain!
Men are not capable of multi-functioning, and they'll never admit that because women simply are. The male brain on the other hand is more specialized and organized in a way that enables men to focus on only one thing at a time. There are fewer connecting fibers between the left and the right hemispheres than there's in women and so they are named the critical- thinkers gender.
2. Men are not capable of facing tough situations
When a couple fight, it's very common to find the woman approaching the man for resolving the issue once and for all. And many women will relate to such story, and the fact that men prefer to go into hiding, disappear for a while and come up with a solution or decision on his own and not including his partner. Which of course is something women hate, they prefer talking things through and working it out together. This specific behavior confuses women because they perceive men as decisive, firm creatures who, according to women, shouldn't take much time deciding and in no way should they escape facing situations. But the truth is, men are wired to be discreet, unlike women they're more of the private gender. When men space out, they're not acting spacious, they're thinking, silently talking to themselves and planning. Try asking any man when being quite, what are you thinking of? And he'll simply answer. However, try to ask him why are you being so quite? And he'll either say no reason or I'm thinking.
3. Men are as emotional as women.
Exactly a year ago, I was researching for an article about things that bring guys to tears. I was so curious to get inside their world and find if they're actually capable of tearing up to things other than the death of a dear person. And to my surprise, they happen to be as emotional as women. Dramatic movie-endings chock them up, Dealing with a challenged child break their hearts and when a cherished relationship ends, they cry! While that holds a comforting angle women can relate to, still men hide that passionate interior with more of a cold statue exterior. They manage to keep a straight face during all times, some may consider this pure intelligence, while in fact it's out of fear. Men are afraid to seem weak, defeated and heart broken. They are brought up, not only in our eastern societies, to be strong, fearless and to some extend cold hearted.
It has even been scientifically proven that men use only three out of five voice tones, the serious tone, the laughing tone and the sleepy tone only.
So, it's hard to tell what they're actually feeling, not because men are not capable of feeling, but because they can hide it very well.
4. Men are not so good with words.
It's uncommon to find a man who love talking for the fun and sharing nature of it. Yet, it's very much common for women to confuse or misinterpret men's words. Because like my husband always says, women assume that men's words have hidden meanings, while men don't imply, they don't think of metaphorical words to use, men are direct, when I tell you I want to change the channel, it's not because I want to annoy you or grasp your attention, it's simply that I want to watch something else. And it's true, men are direct when it comes to their demands. Listen carefully to a man speaking and all you'll be hearing are short, constructed sentences with a simple opening, clear message and a conclusion. So, using their own method of talking, a woman can easily get through to any man by:
a. Asking directly if the time is right to talk. If it's not, then schedule another time. Men love specifics.
b. Telling him why you want to talk. Many women are frustrated with men who try to solve everything when women are only seeking them out to listen and share.
c. Sticking to the point. Use concise, unprovoking words.
d. Asking him direct questions. Don't use CAN or COULD because that way, you're only checking his ability to do something and of course he can. Instead use WILL or WOULD.
e. Never, ever, start a conversation with anyone, especially men, with YOU. Because that simply places everyone in the defensive mode and thus they start defending themselves rather than having a conversation.
f. Men are hearing specific, so when you use words like always, never, every time and only, men focus on that and start correcting the terms rather than addressing the issue itself.
5. Men easily confuse lust for love.
Since eve's primal attempts to decode men, it's been quite obvious that men love sex, they seek sex, evaluate women's beauty according to their sex appeal and can only express love by sex. While men are also stereotyped as commitment phobes, they so weirdly base the success or failure of a certain relationship on how much they're physically attracted to a woman. Accordingly, they confuse lust for love and emotional attraction. That's why it's men take more time to decide whether to commit or not, because they fear that their decision might not be based on true emotions rather a temporary rush of testosterone.
6. Men are polygamists by concept.
The way men view sex is completely different from a woman's point of view. To them sex is not that sacred, it's an instinct, a desire, a flame within that needs to be put out once in a while. It has nothing to do with love. They don't have to love a woman, agree with her ideas or even like her to sleep with her, they just have to be physically attracted to her. For women, sex is sacred, it's a big deal, a woman can never make love to a man she's not emotionally connected to, unless it's her job or she'd forced to do so. May be that explains a lot on why women can't easily forgive men for cheating, it's not only the physical part that's hurting them, it's the fact that her own man has been attracted emotionally to another woman. While men go crazy over the fact that women can't understand that it was just sex. Because for women, it's never just sex.

LOBNA KHAIRY

Stages of love & relationship 2, Why problems happen in your relationship? (Euphoria Dec'09)

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 09:38:00 +0000

Beginnings are said to be invigorating, filled with undefeated wills, invincible determinations and endless unexplainable joys. Then doubts arise, questioning those wills and determinations, and shattering joys into million pieces until they lose configuration. But with a little more faith and assurance, we go back to invigorations and love finds its proper way back.
So, currently you're going on exclusively steady, with no more supplementary dates because you don't need to see other options. Now you're sure you've met the one. Yet, as smooth as you wished things would continue to go, problems blossomed out of nowhere. You are confused. Did I choose wrong? Did my partner change? Have I changed? Why are we suddenly having all those problems?!
You know how people say time is capable of solving the mother of mysteries. And how mysteries signify all that is dark, can't be clearly spotted and hard to interpret?
Time is where you as a couple stand, right in the middle of commitment. And the mysteries that are being disclosed are both the human nature of you and your partner.
What happens is as you move deeply further into the relationship, both of you start to open up, talk and act completely free. There are no restrictions, no topic off the table, you no longer only share the good sides rather you share everything. Thus, problems arise as you discover each other's essences, morals and viewpoints. So, the fact that two different people are merging together alone is enough for anyone to have momentary clashes.
Other things that can cause problems between the two of you have much to do with the way you treat and get treated by your partner. Take a look…
1. Trying to change each other
The biggest mistake anyone can do is to not accept their partners the way they are. Because change cannot be enforced on people, they've to have that fire for change in them, or else it'll create constant dissatisfaction and accordingly disappointment arrives on your side as well as a firm sense of unworthiness your partner will easily detect from you. If, after you've discovered each other, you can't cope with his/her flaws, just let them be. Don't play the preacher's role and torment each other any longer.
2. Trying to control each other
While brainstorming for this point, I was astonished by how undecided I was when trying to answer who is more of a control freak, men or women? And after going through some of the problems couples sent me, I realized that it's a tie!
Women, whilst being the nurturing mothers they are, overlook the fact that men aren't their children. They can't keep on guiding them, correcting their every breath and monitoring their behavior. Men, on the other side, tend to treat women like their own private property which they've to protect and keep an eye on at all times. Both leading to the same outcome, no personal space, no room for error, no chance to be free again, thus the relationship is no use.
3. Lack of apologizing
With the male ego standing in the way, I can't even begin to tell you how many women suffer from men who can't find it in them to admit they're just wrong. The symptoms for such problem may appear with the woman feeling underappreciated, unworthy, a second-degree being and weak to the core that she has to show apologetic gestures even when it's no fault of her own. Try to picture how destructive and vulnerable a woman may feel when her own man is too arrogant, stubborn and full of himself that he can't show his remorse for anything and you'll see how this alone is enough for a relationship to end.
4. Lack of empathy
To tell you the truth, empathy takes hard concentration to happen as it's against our raw nature. Empathy, in simple terms, is to put yourself in your partner's shoes most of the time. To try to feel his pain, wellness, boredom, interest, confusion, panic, every single feeling he/she expresses on you but from their perspective and point of view. Empathy is the complete opposite of selfishness, to be able to lift the focus off yourself for a while and feel for your soul mate. To try to understand where he/she is coming from will make a hell of a difference in your relationship. Because you'll be dealing with someone who can listen, appreciate, empathize and comfort you.
5. Stubbornness
Trying to have a relationship with someone who always puts your word, action and reaction against his/hers is without a doubt harshly difficult. Trying to communicate with someone spoiled, used to having his/her needs met first thing is impossible. Trying to reach a middle ground with someone who has no other grounds but the one standing on is unreachable. And what's truly defining inflexibility is being unable to tell the difference when negotiating with a man and when talking things through with a woman. At that point the man will run away once he feels he can't win and added to that emasculated. While a woman will try to make it work once, twice and even thrice but when the pushed over puppet feeling sinks in, chances are she'll too walk away.
6. Blames
If you'd ask anyone, what's the one thing annoying about your parents? They'll automatically reply, the constant blaming. No one and I mean not even toddlers like dealing with the whys and the how could you. It's like being with the anti-sinner. We all make mistakes, some of them big that requires ear pulling and some of them are just not worth it. When he calls an hour late, big deal; when she arrives half an hour late, it's what girls do. Stop it with the constant blaming so you don't lose both your credibility and your partner.
7. Expectations
You can easily tell where relationships end by pointing out when expectations begin. Yet, the truth remains that we all have expectations on how to be loved, gestured, surprised and even comforted. But there's also such a thing as loving what you get from your partner that is self-fulfilling and satisfying. Parents- children relationships are ruined forever because of expectations. People walk through life thinking they're not good enough because of expectations. Lovers believe they don't give enough because of expectations. I can't tell you to stop expecting, but I can tell you to ask instead of assume, to see your partner through your eyes and not your heart and to love and appreciate what he/she has to offer and be.
8. Pretending
Why do people pretend to be something they're not?
a. Because they aspire to be someone else but can't afford to do that right now.
b. Because they want to be a part of a world they're fascinated by but isn't for them and they don't realize that yet
c. Because they want to escape a reality they can't change
Why do people pretend to feel something they don't?
a. Because they don't want to go through the hassles of working out their original feeling. (It's easier this way)
b. Because they're opportunists
c. Because they need extra attention.
Either ways, those people will never be trustworthy or reliable partners.
9. Money Talks
I swear I've never seen a couple with messy finances happy. I've never seen a husband happy with a money-nagging wife. And I've never seen a wife happy with a husband who is cheap. That's why I always say keep money miles away from pleasure or if you have to, keep it organized and lucid. There's nothing wrong with signing papers, committing to paying a certain amount of money even when it's less that you can give and nothing is definitely wrong with being honest about your current financial status. Trust me, it'll save you hours of fighting and preserve your image as a providing man and a humble wife.
10. Shadiness
According to John Gray, men when angry, confused or panicking, tend to hide in their caves. Leaving the world behind, especially a confused partner who, according to where they stand in the relationship, might assume he's not that into her, he's no longer interested, he fell out of love with her or the most common assumption he's cheating. Acting shady more than once will definitely place your relationship in jeopardy. Starting with a partner who is tired from trying to please you or get your attention back to the foremost mentioned scenarios. Be as opened as you can be, tell her you need space and hopefully she'll understand. Tell her that you need to figure things out regarding something other than your relationship and she'll be relieved and let you be. Just start communicating instead of evaporating…

LOBNA KHAIRY

Sadness is not the opposite of Happiness!

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 11:32:00 +0000

Terrified of my man's reckless driving, I searched my Louis Vuitton bag for a stronger distraction. My fingers crippled through tens of lip glosses, two large perfume bottles, an i-pod I desperately need to get fixed and lying under my much heavy make-up bag was a book I took along in an attempt to save it from the dusty shelves of my petite library. The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. I remember rushing into Diwan's Zamalek looking for an inspiration to snitch me out of my writer's rut, when I was puzzled by the title and the fact that I related to it the moment I read;
"I'm not running away from important things, give me an example of something important."
and she replied "Writing a book."
And I remember making a firm promise to myself to finish reading this book in two weeks. A year and a half later, I find the bookmark marking page 21 where the above mentioned conversation was stated. So, I decide to make a new patch, to finish reading the Zahir before 31.12.09
As I go by reading page after page, struggling to keep my eyes strictly focused on words and off the road, I managed to get hooked and instead of bickering with my man, the one who's trying to get us killed, I found the concept of happiness quite argument-worthy.
When Esther approached her husband to announce her leaving to be a war correspondent, the argument of are you happy? popped to bring a seperate sever traffice to my mind.

I never questioned happiness, never actually tried to set a convincing definition for the state of happiness. Because to me happiness is momentary and I can't measure things up to something fleeing, let alone my life.
A child can be made happy with a brand new toy he's forevermore craved, but shortly lose interest and the happiness is gone.
Parents can be made happy with their child's impressive performance at school yet a second later worry about getting him into college.
A mother finds joy in watching her son play and move around but is terrified of his over-activity hurting him.
A wife making love to her husband, thinking it will take his mind off work burdens, to discover she only gave him countable minutes of pleasure.
A student can be made happy with college grades but still terrified of what future may hold.
More and more people experience happiness and try to sincerely hold on to it but somehow it manages to escape and be followed by worry, panic, boredom and fear. And they know it, that's why happiness is considered a life goal worthy of respect and quest. And that's why it's never found.
　
What I believe in is satisfaction. What I can talk about, what I can relate to and what I can stamp as real is satisfaction. Not because of its surreality rather its ability to be measured.
When someone is feeling down or depressed, the first thing he's advised withis to look for the bright side, the filled portion of the cup. The things you have accomplished and managed to get right and done. Are they telling him to be happy? No, they're pointing him to the direction of satisfaction. That feeling where everything else looks minor and unworthy. Where a person can measure and enumerate his life achievements. The only true scale anyone can look at and evalute his time, efforts and life choices.

I can understand when someone says, I'm not satisfied with where I am today, I'm not satisfied with the rate I'm working at to achieve my goals, I'm not satisfied with the goals I chose for my life, I'm not satisfied with my career, I'm not satisfied with my marriage and I'm not satisfied with the person I see in the mirror.
But, I can't understand when people say I'm not happy.
You're not happy because nothing around you is bringing you satisfaction or at least closer to it.
You're not happy because nothing amusing is going on around you.
You're not happy because you're disappointed with yourself and those around you.
You're not happy because you can't grasp what you aim
You're not happy because you aren't capable of enjoying the moment you're at.
You're not happy because you can't see the beauty of yourself, your life and your companions
You're not happy because happiness is momentary.
You're not happy, not because you're sad. Happiness can't be the opposite of sadness, you can't base your spirit status and mood on facial expressions.
You're not happy because you're not satisfied.

LOBNA KHAIRY

Cold War; when two girls fight over a guy (CONVO magazine)

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 08:39:00 +0000

Do you think guys are the only ones who check girls out? Nope, girls do that to, not for the same reasons of course or I hope not but it’s in those glares girls’ exchange that hold the true meaning of rivalry. They can greet one another warmly while holding on to their despise, however it’s their willingness to change to get that something/someone they desperately desire that portrays how deep they’re willing to go. Competing with an actual predator is nothing less of a science, even though it’s fun to watch, it requires a long list of phases players have to pass successfully to proceed with a game where nothing is allowed to go wrong as the only way to the exit door is through a humiliating walk of shame!
Phase 1: Look for details to get the big picture
When a girl likes a guy, she’s sensitive to everything he says to her, to other girls and everything other girls do around him. For that, a girl is capable of seeing the simplest gestures suggesting that another one is falling for the same guy. Even though he might not be that interested, if there’s one thing you should know about girls, it’s that once they want someone, they; one; consider him private property, two; they’ll get him by whichever means and three; they’ll keep it a secret until it happens! Now it’s time for the game to start but it’s much of a silent game at this point since neither of them is willing to sacrifice her desire, then why open up a discussion that will surely force one to step back! Preferably, keep a low profile and hope for the best!
Phase 2: Keep your friends close; keep your enemies even closer.

It’s out of question that she needs to know her potential guy first, listen carefully when he brags about his ex-conquests; memorize his likes and dislikes to be his perfect match from heaven. But that other girl requires technique, for no girl is that stupid to worry about winning a guy over and fighting with another girl at the same time, that’s a distraction! She needs to have them all on the same side. So, they must be best friends, really tight best friends. She needs to know her inside out, know her strengths and most importantly her flaws which will help with kicking her out of the picture. Thus they spend day and night together lunching, shopping, jogging and the heart-heart sessions are vital for their bonding. That’s when they get to talk about everything including him! While sharing their thoughts about the new guy, she starts throwing in some funny comments about how he’s weird and all, erasing every possibility that she might be into him. After these missions have been successfully accomplished, the fierce part of the game’s about to start. Since the other girl no longer thinks of her new best friend as an opponent so she lay off, thinking it’s only a matter of time before he asks her out but it only takes one signal to get her feeling confused and left out. It goes something like this…
G1- the guy: "You’re always like that; remember that time in high school?"
G2 (:-o): "I didn’t know you two go a long way back!
G1 calmly: Oh, no it’s just a story he told me"
Done and done…
Phase 3: The weakest always survive!
Now that she’s got the other girl doubtful again, she goes acting like an innocent dove sticking to her fake best friend like glue, narrating every single detail that’s happening with her life excluding him of course, misleading her with the "you know everything" bit to keep her in the dark. But she doesn’t want that girl to divert her from her goal; hence she goes for the female most decisive weapon; her weakness. Yes, in nature the strongest survive, but in girls’ norms it is the weakest who survive!
So, it must seem like unintended, something as simple as illness, something that’s not her fault! That way she’ll get the special attention she needs along with the phone calls where he checks on her but usually turns into an all-nighter and they’ll get a lot closer. Consequently, they’ll be acting all yummy and cute since they can’t seem to stop talking about each other but it won’t be too long before the now outsider picks up on that. Feeling betrayed she’ll try to win him back but it’s too late now, he’s already hocked. And before she gets to plan her battle, she’s surprised with her soon to be ex-best friend talking to her about something she never wished to hear…
G1 (;-D): Guess what? He finally asked me out
G2 (:-o): Finally, Congrats!
G1 ;-): Thanks, I new you’d be happy for me. Go shopping today? I’ve to look good for our first date.
G2 slyly: sure. (I’m thinking something ugly!)

LOBNA KHAIRY

Surviving the winter Blues (CONVO magazine- Nov'08)

noreply@blogger.com (LOBNA KHAIRY) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:46:00 +0000

Summer seems to hold a special place in everyone’s heart; people are just more cheerful and colorful during summer months. Everyone is more alive, even when killer hot, it’s as if repulsed by their own homes, everyone's in the streets, and the city never sleeps. People just never seem to get tired- like they know they’re torturing themselves but they like it!- they’d work like crazy all morning and still manage to enjoy a late night out with friends. Every year people come to realize that it’s over much too soon and before you know it people turn grey. I guess it’s a common belief now that winter is for work and summer is for fun that once it’s autumn people split into two types; some refuse to wear heavy clothes because by that they’ll be admitting that summer is over. While others passively accept the fact and go through with the whole hibernation process even though it’s not January yet!
The Syndrome
And as the days get shorter, the cold nights get longer, announcing winter’s arrival and breaking the spirits of many. You see people walking down the streets silently depressed, hiding under their clothes, rushing to get home before it rains. For winter abolishes the sense of accomplishment in many, they feel that the day is over even before it begins, it seems like there isn’t much time to do anything thus they end up doing nothing. It’s no wonder why lots of people hate winter! It’s because of the rarely seen sun that they feel down but they’re not alone in this. For "Winter Blues" is a milder form of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) that’s a well spread syndrome affecting millions of people each year, women are more pretentious of course since men seem to be almost unaffected by anything. Though it’s not the same for everyone in terms of severity as for some people it comes in a severe depression form requiring medical care, it affects almost everyone but in milder forms. I bet you’re familiar with the "It’s too cold excuse" where we blame it all on the weather like we don’t attend early classes because it’s too cold, we can’t get out of bed because it’s too cold, can’t think because it’s too cold, gain weight because it’s too cold to exercise. But it’s weird that it’s never too cold to eat chocolates, pastas and every fattening food there is thus combining that with the no exercising policy we’ll be small cute elephants roaming the streets of Cairo!
What I won’t be telling you?!
There are many ways recommended on which you can beat up the winter blues but they’re all themed "re-live summer through winter" and I hate that! Sufferers are told to soak up as much sun as possible, listen to cheerful music, try outdoor activities, etc… It’s as if trying to teach affected people how to forget it’s winter. I don’t think that’s a solution, putting aside that I favor winter, change is the only constant thing in our lives; how on earth can we contradict that?! I understand that it’s difficult to move out of any comfort zone and that if possible we’d stay there forever. But when you accept change there’ll be a tiny possibility that you might like it, even if you didn’t summer is always around the corner which you’ll get to appreciate more now that you’ve lived through winter.
So how to enjoy winter as winter?!
Simply by accepting winter as it is because believe it or not winter has its good shinny side! You can start by picturing winter as a ladder through which you can reach whichever goal you’ve been trying to aim like loosing weight, you don’t have to wait for spring to shed the extra pounds, enjoy the fact that in winter one gets to wear coats that pretty much covers everything so get it over with before it’s summer again and if it’s still "too cold" to leave home you might as well work out there. Winter is a calm, dormant season where you can overlook your life, rejuvenate, read books, attend training sessions, grow on spiritual levels, I mean since winter is seen as a working season, you might as well benefit from that! And you can always invite friends over for a nice movie, walk in the rain and enjoy a hot cup of coffee mixed with the morning cold breeze, there’s nothing like it to take your mind off troubles.
But don’t hate winter, it’s as beautiful as summer and like the summer’s burning sun, winter has its biting cold. Enjoy winter as it is because it might not be the same next year, for no winter last forever and no spring ever skips its turn.

LOBNA KHAIRY