Continue reading »]]> Below is a condensed version of a message I preached at our Saturday night service this past weekend:

I found myself agitated and angry many times this week as I processed the events that took place in Boston and Watertown. I’m still trying to understand what would possess people to take away the freedom of complete strangers.  What was the purpose of planting terror and fear into millions of people?  The decisions of two young men created one of the most the most disruptive, dangerous, costly and impactful acts that we have seen in the history of our state.  We will never again be able to watch the marathon without remembering the bombing and subsequent manhunt that occurred in 2013.  It will not be easy to enter into large crowds without wondering, will I be safe?

During the interfaith service that was held last week, Cardinal Tom O’Malley offered some great words of encouragement.  What I appreciated about Cardinal O’Malley’s words was that he explained that the Bible, particularly in the gospels, reveals a contrast between the crowd and the community.  Cardinal O’Malley said:

“The crowd is made up of self-absorbed individuals, each one focused on his or her own interests in competition with the conflicting projects of others. A community is where people come to value each other, and find their own identity in being part of something bigger than themselves, working together for the common good.”

His point was to not let what has happened define the city as a crowd of individuals, focused on competing interests, but be part of something greater then themselves.  His urged that Boston become a community, working together for the common good.  He went on to say to say that God has tasked his people with the  job of repairing the broken the world.  He explained that it would require that people not maintain a crowd mentality, but to become a community that maintains solidarity with the belief that “love is strong than death.”

That is a great vision.  A community that is unified, loving who believes that love is stronger than death, and is committed to the process of transformation, growing individually as well as corporately in order to fulfill God’s purpose.  Sounds a lot like the Church!

How can a crowd transform into a community in the midst of tragedy, conflict and evil?

FREEDOM TO LOVE

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other…” Galatians 5:13-15

Paul says do not use our freedom for the flesh.  In the original greek, the word for flesh is Sarx, which is a distinct word that refers to our sinful state.   Flesh essentially means living outside the realm of the spirit of God.  For Paul, Flesh is associated with living “under the law”.  When someone chooses to live in their sinful nature, they are essentially governed by the law.  They choose not to live under the freedom that comes in Christ.  They are in the flesh because they are living outside of God’s will and apart from God’s guiding influence through the spirit.

We are called to be free.  Free from death, free from the bondage of sin.  In Christ there is freedom. When understand the weight we were once under because of sin, and the sacrifice that Jesus made on our behalf, there is freedom.  In that freedom of new life, Paul is saying to freely give what you have received.

FIGHTING OFF THE FLESH

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law…Galatians 5:16-18

When we walk by the spirit, we won’t desire the the flesh, because the spirit leads us away from the flesh. Flesh is weaker than the Spirit.  As we walk with God, we experience a transformation.  This transformation of life in the spirit is not simple, though; it is a battle; a battle between our sinful nature and God’s will.  In that battle we recognize that flesh and spirit are opposites.  When we live in the flesh, we are not doing what the spirit wants.  This conflict is not some out of body experience, where we are simply helpless in what is going on; what Paul is saying is that when we are not walking with the spirit, we are fighting the will of God.  We are essentially saying, “I know better”, “I’m going to live and do things my way”, or “I know my way is the right way”.  When we live like this we are not growing, or experiencing God’s transforming power, we aren’t even walking with God.  We are walking in a totally different direction.

Paul says walk by the spirit.  We have to choose to walk in the spirit, choose freedom, and choose to let the spirit put to death our sinful nature.  Paul is talking about full surrender to the spirit of God.  We stop fighting God.  We put up our hands, and we trust the spirit to lead and guide us.  Others have used the illustration of a sailboat on the sea as an illustration for our surrender to the spirit.  The power for a sailboat doesn’t come from a motor, it comes from the wind.  Once a sailor positions himself in the wind, he lets the wind take over, and the boat receives power and direction with ease.  The sailor can’t control the wind, neither can he make the wind, he must surrender to it.  That is the same way we walk in the spirit.  When we surrender and walk in the spirit, the spirit takes over and our life becomes filled with power and direction according to the will of God.

LIFE IN THE SPIRIT

Paul gives us a comparison between life in the flesh and the spirit to examine ourselves:

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other…” Galatians 5:19-26

Notice Paul makes a change in the image from “acts of the flesh” to “fruit of the spirit”, which emphasizes two key things.  First it is indicative of Jesus’ words in John 15 when he says, “I am the vine, you are the branches.  If you remain in me you will bear much fruit.  Apart from me you can do nothing.”  This strengthens the concept of the freedom we have in Christ.  In Christ our sinful nature is put to death.  Second, there is a shift from human responsibility (acts of the flesh) to something that requires divine enablement.  Last Monday I was working in my yard, and planted some new grass.  I cleared the area, leveled it with topsoil, planted seed, fertilized and watered it.  Yet, no matter what I did to create an environment for that grass to grow.  Only God can make it grow.  That is essentially what Paul’s use of fruit the fruit image indicates.  As a Christian, we are responsible to let the spirit be at work in our life; we surrender, trust, pray, make changes, but we cannot grow love, peace, joy, self-control unless God grows those fruits in us. The journey God takes us on when we are “walking with the spirit”, is the avenue in which fruit is produced.

The point in Paul’s examination is where the acts of the flesh destroys fellowship, the spirit creates it.  As we are being transformed, we aren’t just modifying behavior, we are being transformed into the likeness, the image of Jesus.  The traits of Jesus is fruit that is develop in us when we walk with the spirit.

Now we often see some or all of the fruits of the spirit all around us.  We all saw kindness and goodness extended to so many people this past week due the tragedy that we all experienced.  People rallied together to help each other out, cared for each other.  People offered food, homes, shelter.  Many risked their own safety and life in order to help and protect others.  People put their differences aside in order to serve and help for the common good.  When the crisis was over last night, there were cheers, high-fives, people celebrating in the streets with people they didn’t even know.  Without exploiting or over-spiritualizing all that happened this week, it gives us a picture of what the flesh and the spirit looks like In the midst of terror and evil, we see God’s spirit at work.

Here is the takeaway for us:  A life of freedom transforms us into people who love others.  I know of nothing more attractive to those who are hurting, grieving, seeking, and desiring to be in an part of a community that functions in the spirit.  In the aftermath of tragedy and conflict, people desire and crave to see the spirit of God at work, even if they don’t even know that is what they actually are craving. Let us go out and strive be that for church community and to the rest of the world.

Continue reading »]]> This is Ernie.  I recently met Ernie and have quickly developed a friendly rapport with him.  He is in his mid-eighties, and has been leading a Saturday Morning Men’s Breakfast for years.  Once a month Ernie gathers with a group of men for community, study and food.   Here is the incredible part of Ernie’s story.  The men who regularly attend the breakfast are former kids who were in his Youth Ministry sixty years ago.  For the last sixty years, Ernie has walked alongside those who were entrusted to his care so long ago.  He has been with them through graduations, job transitions, marriages, and children, good times and bad.  He continues to pray for them, feed them, care for them and walk with them even as they have now become grandparents themselves.  As I heard Ernie’s story, I couldn’t help but think of the legacy and commitment that Ernie has made to the group of men he still meets with.  I think it is safe to say that Ernie is one of the oldest volunteer youth workers in New England.

In Tim Witmer’s book, “The Shepherd Leader”, he gives a clear distinction between the metaphor of a father and the metaphor of a shepherd.  Witmer writes:

Children grow up and become less dependent on their earthly fathers, though the relationship continues.  Sheep, on the other hand, are always completely dependent on their shepherd.  They never outgrow their need for the shepherd to care for them, feed them, lead them and protect them.  The shepherd cares for the newborn lambs and is still there when the sheep grow old and weak.

Lately I have been thinking about what the modern-day ministry-metaphor for the shepherd would be.  At one point I came to the conclusion that parenting was probably the most accurate translation for today.  After reading Witmer’s distinction, I have come to the conclusion there really isn’t an alternative translation for our day.  Disciples need life-long care just as sheep need life-long care.  How one administers care may change, or the frequency of care may may change as well, but there is still an opportunity to be a shepherd over the course of their life.  Ernie’s example and story is a beautiful image of what life-long shepherding looks like.

For those who minister to children, students, families, or adults, whether paid or volunteer, our role as a shepherd does not cease to exist just because they move on to another grade level, graduate from a program or move away.  As a Shepherd Leader, there is a distinct opportunity to continue to care, pray, and invest in your “flock”.  Surely other pastors and shepherds will come alongside them and will be the primary shepherd in their life, but don’t miss out on the blessing of being a life-long shepherd leader.

May the inspiration and model of Ernie’s dedication and commitment to shepherding be something we strive for.

Continue reading »]]> Yesterday I attended the Global Leadership Summit by the Willow Creek Association.  160K leaders from around the world, taking two days to learn, grow, fill their leadership tanks, and become better leaders.  At our site, we had over 400 people in attendance, and the energy all day was buzzing. Each speaker was authentic, passionate, and determined to be better leaders, and they were committed to helping other leaders become better as well.

Here are my top takeaway quotes from the Global Leadership Summit:

Quotes From Bill Hybels:

Everyone wins when leaders get better.

What does your community think your church is?

Like it or not, your organization takes its seed-sowing cues from you

You are the most difficult person you will lead.

Most important asset is not time. It’s energy and ability to energize.

God didn’t make you a leader to respond to stuff all day – He made you a leader to move stuff ahead!!

God makes us leaders to move people from an undesirable reality to what a new reality could be.

Savor every day you get to lead..

 

Quotes From Condoleezza Rice

No one likes to follow a sour-puss

Today’s headlines and history’s judgement are rarely the same.

After struggle comes relief – after Friday there comes a Sunday. It is a privilege to struggle

The most important characteristic in a leader is irrepressible optimism.

If every life is worthy, every life is also capable of greatness

Friendship can be the place that let’s you have difficult conversations.

 

Quotes From Jim Collins

Why do some thrive under difficult circumstances, while some do not, in the same difficult circumstances?

Separate practices from values

Preserve the core & simulate progress

The signature of mediocrity is not unwillingness to change – it is chronic inconsistency

Every church, every leader would benefit from having a 20-mile march

My organization is not truly great if it cannot be great without me.

 

Quotes From Craig Groeschel

Life is not measured in time. It’s measured in love, contribution & grace.

Older generation – Don’t resent, fear or judge the next generation. Believe in them.

Don’t delegate tasks or you’ll just get followers. Delegate authority and you’ll get leaders.

With the younger generation, authenticity trumps cool every single time

If you’re not DEAD you’re not DONE!!!

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Continue reading »]]> Several years ago I got an Evernote account.  I remember taking a picture of a quote on the back of a Starbucks cup with my Palm Treo, and emailing it to my Evernote account, which would then be able to be found in a search database by typing in a few words of the quote that I had saved.  While I thought it was a really cool feature, I never really gained much traction with Evernote mainly because I was using Microsoft’s Onenote, and really wasn’t  excited about making the change.

Fast forward to this year, and I’m using Evernote to help keep me as organized and productive as possible.  The main reason behind the switch is that Evernote has made it so easy to be able to sync my notes with all of my devices (Desktop, iPhone, iPad, Laptop).  Wherever I am, my notes and files are with me.  The development of the platform keeps improving, and I’m finding new uses for it all the time.

Here are three ways I’m currently using Evernote:

Going Paperless:  Currently, this is the main function of Evernote for me these days.  One specific area for me is in the area of personal finances.  I always need to save receipts, and usually they end up left in my pocket (and get run through the wash), or my wallet is overstuffed with paper.  Now when I get a receipt, I snap a picture of it and send it to Evernote with a folder label in the subject line, and it’s saved!  I have also begun using my Evernote email address for financial statements and bills to be automatically emailed right to Evernote.  The beauty of this is that I don’t have tons of paper sitting around on my desk or in a box.  It’s all filed away in a few simple steps.

Project Tracking:  I can start working on a project at home, and then pick up where I left off in the office without having to carry around my laptop (A.K.A. “brick”).  Yesterday morning I was working on a schedule for our mission team’s “Just Back” report to our congregation.  I finalized the program order at my desk at home, made a few minor changes on my iPhone when I got to the room we would be presenting, added a few last minute notes I wanted to be sure to say during the presentation, and it was all synced on my desktop when I got home that afternoon.   In the past I would have multiple drafts, would have to make edits on paper, then come back and enter those edits into the original document I was working on. I also emailed the notes to someone else who would have the program order on their iPhone.  It is a game-changer!

Writing:  I am beginning to use Evernote for writing.  As I mentioned, in the past I used Onenote for this.  While it has been a great program, I’m finding it much easier to keep everything centralized in one program.  I can add blog post ideas wherever I am, I have folders for upcoming messages and teaching, and can easily add thoughts, ideas, illustrations, and links to media clips quickly.  In the past, I would walk around with a Moleskin to write things down that I wanted to remember, and would be frustrated if I left it somewhere.  Now I simply create a note in my Evernote app on my phone, and it’s saved.  When I’m looking for an idea that I have previously saved, all I need to do is typed in a few search words, and the note or file comes right up.

I’m learning new features and finding creative ways to use Evernote everyday, and would love to learn from you.  If you are an Evernote user, how are you currently using it to simplify your life?

Continue reading »]]> Last week NCAA officials handed down a punishment on the sexual abuse scandal at Penn State that has many people talking and weighing in on the decision.  Here was the official ruling:

• Four year ban from post-season bowl games.
• $60 Million dollar fine.
• All wins between 1998-2011 (111 wins) vacated.
• Scholarship reductions.
• Five year probation.

Many have called the ruling everything from unprecedented, appropriate, unfair, to not enough.  One commentator described the decision as a “dismantling of a football dynasty”.  As I have been thinking about it over the last week, I see a much bigger consequence than monetary fines, loss of games, and bowl-game bans, I see reputations and legacies destroyed:

• A Coach loses the achievement of the most-winning game record of a college football coach.
• A University essentially loses their football achievement status for the better part of 20 years.
• People who were once known as “great” and “honorable” will now go down in history as people who were shamed and dishonorable.
• Everyone who was connected to this story will be known forever as someone who covered up a sexual abuse scandal.

All because of one decision.  One decision to protect reputation over integrity.  One decision to not making the right decision instead of covering up a serious problem.  One decision of protecting an institution over protecting the safety and well-being of innocent victims.  One decision to choose talent over character.

I’m not trying to be the moral-police, or claim that I’m more pious than others.  I’m not beating up those that did wrong, or minimizing those who were victims.  I will be the first to admit that I have made bad decisions in my life.  But there is a huge leadership lesson in this very sad story, one that I’m aware of in my life and in some ways fear every day: we all stand one decision away from destroying our legacy:

• A moral failure that destroys a marriage, family or ministry that took many faithful years to build.
• A ethical decision that destroys a career, company or institution that was established by years hard work, sacrifice, and wisdom.
• A character flaw that ruins a lifelong friendship because trust was broken.
• Poor judgement that has results in us losing everything.

One decision that took a split of a second to make can unravel years of work, and our legacy.  We may not see the results immediately, but in the end, the decision is always revealed, and it will humble us.

How do we avoid making a bad decision that could destroy our legacy?  Does it just happen?  Will we know that the decision will have such a bad outcome?  I have learned that these decisions don’t just happen; they are the result of three factors that are very subtle, but dangerous to our legacy:

Shortcuts:  When we take shortcuts in life, meaning when we care more about our reputation (what others will think) rather than our character (who God has created us to be), our foundation is weakened to make difficult decisions when the time comes.

Pride:  When we think it is all about us, that we are above everyone else, that we couldn’t possibly get caught or found out, we have been deceived far beyond reality.

Lifeless gods:  When power, fame, success, fortune and achievement is our drive, and above our hope and faith in God, we are slaves to an idol.

These factors are often so subtle, so quiet in our life that we don’t even realize they are affecting us.  What typically happens is we get so swept away in them that when opportunities, problems or decisions arise, we are so entangled that we say “I have to have it, whatever it costs”, or “we can let this problem derail us, make it go away”, “no one will ever find out”, or “I’ve worked my whole life to turn back now”.   We must be diligent in self evaluation and reflection to ensure that these three factors do not secretly occupy residence in our life.

Here are some timeless truths from God’s word in which to build our legacy on:

Psalm 111:10- The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding… In other words, God must be our final authority when we make decisions.  When we realize there is more to life than just pleasing ourselves, and choose to please God in our decisions as well, our decisions will build a legacy.  We need to ask “will God be honored in this decision?”, “will he be pleased?”, “is it in line with how God instructs us to live?”.

Proverbs 3:5- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight…  In other words, trust God not your gut and what simply feels right.  Make sure your decisions align with God’s will for your life, which is 1 Thessalonians 4:2-4.

1 John 1:9- If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness…  The good news, the hope we have is that while one bad decision can destroy our legacy, one decision to turn to Jesus will give us new life.  No matter what bad decision we have made, God will give us a second chance.  We can rewrite our legacy.  It may not solve all our of problems or the mess we got ourselves into right away, but God promises to be there with us through those problems.  Don’t let your legacy be determined by what you have done, let your legacy be determined by what Jesus did.

Question: What are you doing to keep from making a decision that could destroy your legacy?

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I’m reposting my Top Ten popular posts while I’m away on vacation.  #1 is “Questions To Ask When Hiring A Youth Pastor”.  It was originally posted in 2009.

I have been helping a local church hire a their next Youth Pastor, and was asked to give them some questions to help sift through their resume’ pile.  Here are some questions I recommended they ask ask during round #1 to see if their potential finalists have a solid foundation.  Any other questions come to mind?  Leave a comment and perhaps I will pass them on.

Personal/Calling

• Tell us about yourself? Likes, dislikes, family, hobbies, etc.
• Please share your faith journey?
• How would you describe your faith journey now?
• Please explain your call to youth ministry?
• How has God affirmed your calling?  How has God blessed your calling?
• What attracted you to apply for this position?
• Is YM a life-long calling for you (as you know at this point), or do you see yourself in a different role in ministry 5/10 years from now?
• Looking at your personal gifting/passions, how would you prioritize the three typical roles a Youth Pastor: Leading, Teaching, and Shepherding?

Vision/Philosophy/Strategy

• What is your vision for a healthy YM in the local church (this should be more of the 30k foot view of YM, not what programs they want to implement.)
• What is your philosophy of YM?
• What is your philosophy of programs/programming in YM?
• What role do parents take in your vision for YM?
• What role do you see volunteer leaders play in your ministry?

Theology

• What are your theological positions on some of the major doctrines of faith? (God, Jesus Christ, Salvation, Holy Spirit, Church, Scripture, etc.)
• What authors (past and present) have shaped your theological convictions?

Experience

• Please describe some of the successes you have had in YM?
• Please describe some failures you have had in YM?
• Please describe your past church experience?
• Please describe your experience working in a team environment?

Training

• Who has been an influence for you as you have developed your ministry skills?
• What kind of counseling training have you had?
  
• What kind of adolescent development training have you had?

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I’m reposting my Top Ten popular posts while I’m away on vacation.  #2 is “Questions a Church Must Ask Before Hiring A Youth Pastor”.  It was originally posted in 2009, and is the second most “hit” post from search engines.

One of the most visited posts’ on my blog is Questions to Ask When Hiring a Youth Pastor.  Today I was thinking about questions that a Church must ask before hiring a youth pastor.  If your Church is going to invest $150k of ministry dollars over the next three years, not only is it good stewardship to ask good questions before the hire, the success of the youth ministry depends on it.  Below are some questions that I would encourage your church to ask before you even talk to a potential candidate. This is not an exhaustive list, but they will help you find the right fit for your Church:

• Why have we decided to hire a FT Youth Worker?
• What do we believe is the purpose of Youth Ministry for XX Church?
• Do we believe our youth ministry should be a service ministry to our existing families, an outreach to future families or both?Is there enough resources to do both?If not, what is the primary function of the Youth Pastor (service ministry or outreach ministry)?What will the congregation expect?
• What is our philosophy of Youth Ministry? If your does not have one, this is an important issue to address before a hire.  Otherwise, the person you hired will be expecting to build a ministry around their philosophy of YM.  
• If our Church did not have any kids, would we still be hiring a Youth Pastor?Why? Why not?
  
• What model of youth ministry do we believe will be most effective in our Church (purpose-driven, family-based, traditional, cell-group, student led, missional?)
• Does our Church embrace a relational or programmatic approach to youth ministry?
• What are the primary gifts we want in a Youth Pastor (Leader, Teacher, Shepherd, etc.)?Which should be the top gift?
• Are we hiring an architect of the Youth Ministry, or a manager of programs that already exist in our ministry?What is the job description for either option?
• In 140 characters or less, what is the job description for this position?
• What are the sacred cows in our Church?What will a potential candidate must be willing to embrace at XX Church (programs, bureaucracy, politics, etc?)
• What do we expect the Youth Pastor to accomplish in one year?Three years?Five years? Ten years?
• What metrics will be used to evaluate the performance of this position?
• How much education should the Youth Pastor have prior to coming to XX Church?Will the Church provide the time and resources for continuing education if the Church believes further education is important?
• What qualities will the Youth Pastor possess? (Personality, Passions, Leadership style, Older, Younger.
• While interviewing candidates, you discover in the first ten minutes of the interview that this person is “it”, what do you believe are the contributing factors to that discovery?
• What will a potential candidate need to succeed at XX Church?Will XX Church be able to support those needs?
• What strengths will a candidate possess that we cannot live without?
• What weaknesses will a candidate possess that we feel we can accept? What will we not accept?
• Is there someone within our Church who is a viable candidate before we begin a search?

Note:  If you find that the group answering “both” to the questions that are asking for an either or choice, then it is important to choose a primary response, or be prepared to adequately resource both.  Most youth workers champion one, and strive to bring balance with the second.

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I’m reposting my Top Ten popular posts while I’m away on vacation.  #3 is “”Pushing Our Kids to Grow In Their Faith”.  It was originally posted in 2012.

In part one of this series, I shared how I often hear some parents say that they don’t want to push their kids when it comes to faith. I shared how there were usually three reasons behind this: fear, inadequacy and challenge.

Fear is a common issue when parents are concerned that if they push their kids when it comes to faith, their kids will either push further away from them, or from faith. This fear can usually cause parents to respond in two ways:

Over-Push: Over-push can be described as making every moment, conversation, question, conflict resolution with a tie-in to faith, the Bible or spiritual things. Life is filled with Christian gatherings, Christian school, Christian friends, Christian music, Christian Movies, Christian websites…you get the idea. I’m not suggesting any of these things are bad things (except for Veggie Tales movies), and I would go so far to say that the intent of all this is honorable. The problem is we can fill up our time and schedule with so many Christian things that kids become indifferent because they have not been able to own their faith. Push too hard and kids will become resentful, and can’t wait until they are 18 and on their own, so they don’t have be in the “Christian Environment” anymore.

Self-Push: On the other end of the spectrum, Self-push can be described as leaving it up to the kids as to how much they should be pushed. This response is usually stemmed from kids arguing and reacting negatively about faith. Church and youth ministry becomes optional, faith discussions are at the discretion of the kids for fear of a negative reaction. Parents feel as though they can’t “force faith” on their kids, so they back off and let kids figure out their faith own their own, stepping in when needed or asked.

What are we talking about when we talk about “push”? One definition explains push as to “press upon or against (a thing) with force in order to move it away.” Another definition describes push as “to press or urge to some action or course.” If our understanding of “push” in the context of faith is the first definition, then pushing our kids can be perceived as negative. Here is an illustration of the first definition: At one point my daughters could not ride a bike, so I had to push them. If I over-pushed they would potentially become terrified of riding a bike. However, if I just let them self-push, then they never would have learned how to ride themselves, they would simply sit still. I had to literally push them just enough to encourage them to want to ride their bike. But once they learned to ride, my job of pushing them didn’t stop, it changed. Now when we go out on bike rides, I have to push them to keep going when they get tired and don’t want to ride anymore (when we are half-way home). If I over-push they will become resentful, but if I let them self-push, they will sit there stuck, and maybe get up some time later when they are tired of sitting there.

So, what does the Bible say about pushing our kids? Here is what we read in Proverbs:

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it…Proverbs 26:6

This passage, though not a command, is a precept found in the wisdom literature of Scripture; thoughts for wise living. To train a child in the way they should go requires some dedication, discipline and intentionality in showing them the way to go. We could say here that training requires a healthy measure of “push”. Somewhere between over-push and self-push, there is an intentional push that will help kids grow up in the faith, and not turn from it when they are older.

I will talk more tomorrow on what intentional push looks like, but for now, here are some practical things that we have implemented in our house:

1. Going to church, Kidstown/Youth Ministry is not optional. Yes, this is easier said when kids are younger, but it is imperative that the value is implemented in the younger stages of life.
2. We believe raising our kids is an art, not a science. This means that there are no silver-bullets, it’s messy, and our strategies will change over time.
3. We will not compare our kid’s faith development to our friend’s kids. The worst form of fear comes when we begin comparing our beginning to someone’s middle.
4. We submit to God. As we dedicate our kids to Him, we are fully trusting that they will be lifelong followers of Christ, no matter how messy their development becomes.

How have you “pushed” your kids to grow in their faith?  What has worked well?  What hasn’t worked as well as you would have hoped?

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I’m reposting my Top Ten popular posts while I’m away on vacation.  #4 is “”A Common Mistake Parents Make When Challenging Kids to Grow In Their Faith”.  It was originally posted in 2012.

I want to begin this series by making it very clear that my purpose is not to critique parents (I am a parent), or send a message that will be interpreted as negative.  My purpose for writing this post is to create awareness, generate dialogue, and help parents be successful in helping their kids grow in their faith.  I’m not suggesting I have all the answers, and I’m always willing to learn from parents who are doing it better than I am.  So with that, here is my observation:

I have been in youth ministry for fifteen years, and I continually hear parents say; “we don’t want to push our kids when it comes to faith.”  The underlying issue behind this comment is usually one of three reasons:

Fear:  Parents often fear that by pushing their kids to grow in their faith that they will end up pushing them further away from them, and from faith.

Inadequacy:  Parents often feel inadequate to help their kids grow in their faith:  not having sufficient answers to questions, feeling irrelevant, saying the wrong thing, or the natural response to our culture that often says leave faith development to the professional youth worker.

Challenge:  The older that kids get, the more challenging it becomes to challenge them to grow in their faith:  competing priorities, competing desires (sometimes it can take all our energy just to get our kid to come to church), busyness, or simply feeling like we have our own faith to develop.

Typically when parents tell me they don’t want to push their kids when it comes to faith, I respond by asking some questions, such as, “do you push them to go to school?”  ”Do you challenge them to get good grades?”  ”Do you insist that they brush their teeth (it’s a non-negotiable in our house)?”  The point I try to make is that we want the best for our kids, and for good reason and intention, we challenge them in many ways.  While in some ways I can understand why a parent would not want to push their kids when it comes to faith, I think there is a very important reason why parents can’t not push their kids:

Who will push them if you don’t?

Parents are the number one influence in a kid’s life.  As Reggie Joiner explains in his book, Thinking Orange, parents have about 3000 hours a year with their kids.  3000 hours!  On the other hand, the church has about 40 hours a year.  Here is an illustration to put this into perspective:

No matter how great a ministry or program might be, the truth is the church cannot (and should not) compete with the leverage of time that parents have with their kids.  God, in His infinite wisdom called you and I as parents to raise our kids, giving us a huge responsibility that has eternal implications.  Here is what we read in Deuteronomy:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates…Deuteronomy 6:5-9

This is not just babysitting for God, God has given us the privilege to raise His kids as our kids, and nurture them towards a vibrant faith.  Scary? Yes!  Feelings of inadequacy? All the time!  Challenging? Every single day!  But it is in those times of fear, inadequacy, and challenge that we learn that God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called!  Who else in this world can we give this amazing opportunity to?  We are it!

Over the course of the next week I’m going to try and help parents respond to each one of the three issues that parents often wrestle with when it comes to helping their kids grow in their faith, and equip you with some practical ways to help challenge your teenager in their faith in healthy and engaging ways.

Until tomorrow, my prayer is if you are a parent reading this that no matter how you are feeling about parenting these days, that God will renew your calling and passion to help your teenager become a lifelong follower of Christ!