Lilac&Lace

Took a while

2010-03-11T10:42:00.002+11:00

Lol, oh this blog.
Abandoned for so long.

I like to look back at this blog and hope that I am no longer such a self-absorbed, pretentious bitch and that now, I have waaayyy more respect for myself as well as others.

I like to think that I'm not the same girl sitting around and waiting for shit to happen anymore. Well, not so much at least. Finally, goodbye past! And Hello present and future!

As of such, I probably won't be blogging much anymore. Who knows. Maybe in the future.

Anyways if it so interests you, I do update my twitter much more frequently (sometimes I borderline spam with incoherent updates) : http://twitter.com/yin_c

Cheerios, Lilac&Lace! I will see you soon.

Le Voeu

2010-01-25T13:10:00.002+11:00

What happened @&#^@ forgive me I need to rant.

What happened to the bar? Have you forgotten? We were supposed to open a little bar together, and I would sing in the corner and you would sip Kahlua and we would call it ... Le Voeu... 'The Wish'... named after that one night tens of thousands of years ago it seems. And I would decorate the tables and counter tops with flowers and friends would come and unwind after work, and it would be in a quaint little town, somewhere, and I would sing for you.

And how come I never got your dagger, and I never got a folding fan, or a white sarong, or promises of a tomorrow? Only now am I going through the steps of Rage in grief, whereas you went through it a million light years ago and left me sitting here like a fool - a fool! A fool for believing in a bar in a little corner with flowers and jazz and love.

How did you go from discipline and selflessness to reclused, angry weaponry, I will never understand - and I will never understand how I went from cheerful naivety to emotional bitterness. I wonder if we did this to each other and we are now paying the price - or maybe it's just me, my mistakes for my foolishness and my foolish belief in a better tomorrow - a better tomorrow that you kept saying It will come, It will come, Someday, Someday - but it never did. Like the empty inbox and the letters that never came, the phone calls and messages that never came, the call to the airport that never came, and by the time it almost did come, it was too late and I was too tired. Your sorries were always so readily accepted until I just could not accept them anymore.

But damn do I miss you.

Whatever it was, we need to keep on striving, perhaps Le Voeu will exist in the future, a small shining flicker of light in a bleak city, and perhaps it won't be me that will be singing in the corner to you --- and then I will really have to cut a bitch.

2009-09-14T10:35:00.002+11:00

I don't get people who judge others so freely and casually. Please, do the world a favour and shut up. Who are you to judge? What right do you have to criticize the way other people live their lives?
It's frightening how quickly some people judge others without even bothering to think. Who do you think you are? And then you act like you, yourself - are the sweetest angel, the most perfect being to radiate off the face of the earth. ~You're sweet, you're confident, you're amazing, you can do anything, you love everyone!!~
Please, hypocrite, I see right through you. Let me go puke in peace.

There was an episode on the Tyra show the other day about judgemental girls. All I can say is that those who jump too quickly to judge and bitch about others are pretty much simply jealous and bitter themselves.
I feel sorry for you, you selfish, lonely human being who justifies your existence by criticizing virtually unknown strangers just to make you feel better about yourself. I feel sorry for you.

//rant

Anyways, I know this blog has been abandoned for so long.. and now I post again with a rant, lol. Oh dear, I'm terrible. I really should try to update more often.
Boring news about me, hmm, I'm still working my 9-5 office job. It's a lot more fun now we have new co-workers and it's all lads and jokes and all that, but it still takes a lot of willpower to push myself to work in the morning. I've started my training for my riding instructor's certificate and that should be coming along quite nicely. Been looking into taking some courses in animal psychology and therapy, in the future, if I have the time / money. (That's right bitch, I earn my own money. What do you do besides sitting there looking pretty and judging people? Yeah. //mini-rant)

And in other news, Yena's gotten into the London School of Fashion ahhh omg I'm so proud & happy for her! *squeezes* You go Yena Coco, four for you, Yena Coco!

Emma the Rottweiller just had a major surgery which I paid for which saw me waving foodbye to my future pony for at least another half a year (lol) but I don't mind, she's a sweetheart. We do hydrotherapy with her twice a week and I have been giving her home massages which are turning out fun for the both of us! It looks like she will have to be a permanent indoor dog from now on, but I've grown up always around animals, simply learning to pick the fur out and keep shovelling down the food, so I don't mind in the slightest.

My car was in a slight... shall we say, mishap... a few weeks ago, ha ha ha and I almost had a fit. Luckily, not much damage was done but now I think I should get my tyres checked and done - goodbye another few hundred dollars! And yes, both me and my passenger was fine - if you can call me having a heart attack and clawing out my hair fine. He he he, just kidding.

Anyway, that's it for Boring News of The Week. I'm off to watch the VMAs. Fingers crossed for Britney's win! <3

Quietly Contemplative

2009-07-23T00:19:00.000+11:00

"I almost wish we were butterflies who live but three summer days. Three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain "

-John Keats

Officially...

2009-05-13T01:25:00.008+11:00

...legal for me to terrorize the roads as from 2.05pm today!!

Yes, I passed my driving test by a hair's breadth by waiting for hell to freeze over before turning out into main roads, almost veering into an oncoming car, taking up two entire lanes on a road and hitting the brakes instead of changing lanes. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

But I passed, thank the heavens and all above, praise be to ye my Lord!!!

And for the lolz, this made me and McCool LOL until we could LOL no more and he had to retire to the toilet with tears streaming down his face, the poor dear.

This is a Rant Post

2009-05-09T00:06:00.009+11:00

So jumps racing - or more commonly known as steeplechasing - is on the verge of being banned here in Victoria and South Australia. If the ban goes ahead, it's more than likely South Australia will follow immediately.

For the non-horsey dictionary : jumps racing / steeplechasing is basically horse-racing, only it goes very fast over a series of fences in which the horse is required to jump at dangerous speeds.

I am ranting because of the ignorance of people who should just keep their big, fat mouths shut if they don't know anything, otherwise you end up looking like an idiot.

So the industry is in a fair amount of uproar over this controversy - and fair enough, I daresay. I've never been a fan of steeplechasing, in my personal opinion, I think it is foolish and stupid and reckless and dangerous, and go ahead with the ban I say - but I cannot stand people who do not know any better and all they know is to shake their heads and say, "The poor horses! Think of the poor horses!" and then cry their eyes out for "the poor poor horsies!!" And then, oh of course, the inevitable, "All sports regarding horses should be banned! The poor horses! Being enslaved by cruel humans!!!"

No, shut up. Ignorance like that drives me nuts. Yes, steeplechasing is dangerous, but so is cross country, and eventing, and endurance - and yes, even dressage. Yes, accidents happen - and the reason animal activists like to target horse racing so much is because it is so popular. You don't see crowds of millions betting thousands and thousands of dollars on cross country. You don't see the declaration of a public holiday to celebrate the National Dressage Finals or whatchamacallit.
No, horse racing is popular and human nature loves their excitement and glamour and of course, money. If an accident happens at a racecourse, millions of people will witness it straightaway and automatically a media circus is formed. Look at Barbaro, for heaven's sakes!

And yet the many deaths at Badminton, or Burghley, or other world-class equestrian events for 3 day eventing goes unnoticed. Teddy, the hero of 3-day eventing, the underdog who died before his Olympic debut - what newspaper ever reported that? Oh, but everyone knew about Barbaro! Poor Barbaro! What an outrage!! Oh poor, poor Phar Lap!! Oh, the poor horses that died in the steeplechase! The poor dears!

Ban horse riding! Ban it all! Horses are not our slaves! Oh, we are sooo cruel, to inflict them with saddles and bridles and bits and whips and spurs! So cruel! Look, making that poor horse canter a 20-meter circle in that soft sand arena, so cruel! The poor pet, the poppet! Oh, do stop torturing the creature and let me give it a carrot, pray! Let me pet it and coddle it and bring it home and it can sleep on my sofa! So cruel!

SHUT UP. Here, okay, take my horse. Take it home with you and end this cruelty. Sure, keep it in your backyard, let it eat whatever it wants! Feed it all sorts of scraps from your kitchen and spend no less than 5 hours a day cuddling it. Sure! I'll come back in 6 months and I will find my horse transformed into an overweight creature, with bloated guts and severe cases of untreated thrush and laminitis in the feet. I will find a horse turned into a brute which bites and kicks and rolls his eyes at you and rushes you for food, who bucks when you so much as put his rug on, who will not lift his feet, who will not hesitate to knock you over and send you to the hospital en route to Christopher Reeve land.

Because, my dears, that is what happens when you mollycoddle a horse. Sure, don't ride him, that's so cruel! Idiot, horses need exercise. What happens when they don't get exercise? They get all that energy pent up inside and no outlet for it. They keep eating and gorging on your good grass and your endless supply of "yummy sweet treaties for my favourite pony" and they end up overweight and underworked and develop laminitis - which the ignorant horse "saviour" will not recognize and will eventually die.
You cuddle them, ask them to pick up a foot and they refuse - you say, "Ohhh my dear, is something the matter?? Okay, okay I won't force you, let's try again tomorrow." And the horse learns, "Hmmm, okay, this human lets me do whatever I please! Yeahh!" and not tomorrow, not the day after, not ever will they let you pick up a foot again because they learn they can get away with it. If they turn to bite you, it's "Ohhh my poor baby, did I upset you??" and a shitload of petting and soothing commences.
Uh, if someone pet me everytime I bit, I sure as heck would bite a lot more! I mean, surely petting me when I bite means you're rewarding me for doing something right, right?

Idiots.

Stop and consider. Believe it or not, some horses enjoy being worked. Some horses enjoy the exercise, and going out for good hacks, some horses love jumping, and yes - some horses love racing. And think about it. If your horse was valueble, worth say, a good few thousand, would you really abuse it and starve it and whip it till it's precious, expensive coat is scarred with blood and wounds? No. An unhappy horse will not perform as well and willingly as a happy one, and any good trainer knows that.
Compared to the days of old, when horses were thought of merely as dumb beasts of burden and were forced to haul carts of coal around all day, today's world is a much better time for horses, where 90% of horses are kept for leisure purposes. It is good times.
Horses in most places are treated kindly and humanely. They get good feed, good pasture and good stables. They get good grooms who look after their every need. Rugs in winter, fly masks in summer, access to plenty of fresh water, sweet hay, supplements of every kind, vet care, plenty of attention.

There are always a few dodgy places around where horses should be better off dead, but luckily, such places are few and far between nowadays. Horses are no longer driven around in check reins, and as for docking of the tails, it has been illegal for a long time now. Ignorant horse owners are abundant, but education programs are also abundant. And almost every ignorant horse owner will have a good horsey neighbour who will be able to come over and say, "Okay, this is how you muck out a stable, or your horse will get thrush."

And as for the ban on steeplechasing, I know it could be a good thing and lots of (ignorant) people are thinking gladly of the horses who will be "saved from the cruelty." No. This isn't Black Beauty with the happy ending. More than likely, if the ban goes ahead, most of the horses will be shot.
No, this isn't your Neverland where all the horses simply retire and spend the rest of their days happily grazing beside the Fountain of Eternity with fairies dancing in the trees above.

A ban on jumps racing is pretty much destroying the livelihood of many, many people - and I know some people who are jumps jockeys whose careers are now at stake for this - and therefore, money will suddenly be scarce. It is basically robbing someone of their living. They will not afford to send their horses away to retirement farms, and it is likely not many people will want to buy these horses. Money will need to be spent on retraining and rehabilitating them, and who can pay for that?
No, they will be shot, or sent off to the auctions , the knackers or the glue factory, so if you think those poor creatures are finally "rescued", think again.

As for the jerkface trainer on the news who threathened to shoot his horses, cut off their heads and send them to government officers, I hope you rot in hell. Immediately after making his threat, he followed up with, "I love my horses, I do."
No shit, you don't. If you really did love your horses, you wouldn't brag about shooting them on national television, much less lopping off their heads. If you really really loved your horses, you would give them away as pasture companions, if not to be sold as riding horses - as opposed to shooting them. I feel sorry for you, who understands not compassion or empathy. I hope somebody threathens to shoot you and lop off your head, and let's see what you have to say about that.

Unfortunately, that is the way the equine industry works, and sometimes the mass culling of horses is inevitable. There are too many good horses and too little homes. And what do these ignorant self-proclaimed "horse lovers" intend to do about it? Oh, the poor creatures, let them run free! Sure, if we let them run free, where? It is too naive to think that no animal should ever be killed and they can all live happily ever after in nature. Yeah, sure, let's see how that works. We get a mass overpopulation of wild horses, they spill out into the cities and a mass culling by helicopter is forced to take place. Or somehow you miraculously find an endless supply of green pastures and never ending funds to look after all the horses till the end of their lives. Great, just great. Let me know how that goes.

What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that a horse is a commitment. It requires patience, time and a whole lot of money. Whoever says horses are cheap can kiss my tucchus. Your horse will always have some need for funds, be it food, vet bills, tack, shredded rugs, and the amazing ability to get into all sorts of injuries and maladies. Whoever tells me they will have a property where they will rescue all the horses in the world and simply let them sit in the backyard and eat away a long and prosperous life, sure, if you have the fortune of Bill Gates, go ahead, all the more power to you and God bless you. But if you live in a corner block with a 4 acre backyard and work a regular old Joe job daily, then, all the more power to you and God bless you, but those horses will probably be a lot better off in their comfortable stables by the expensive steeplechase race tracks, eating their quality grain and getting their daily exercise, with a vet on 24 hours standby with X-rays, MRI scans and personal nutritionists than with you.

As for me, personally I am all for the ban on steeplechasing. It is a foolish sport and many a good man and horse have been lost for the reckless abandonment of taking horrendous fences at horrendoes speeds. It should not have existed altogether.
I just feel for the hundreds of horses that will probably be needlessly killed as a result, and the hundreds of people who will lose their living.
And for all you ignorant people out there who think that it is better for the horses, do everyone a favour and THINK before you speak. Sometimes, it really isn't.

Nostalgia

2009-04-26T00:31:00.012+11:00

I was simply sitting around today when I was suddenly hit with an immense feeling of nostalgia. McCool was playing videogames when some strange urge overcame me to tell him about burying my childhood dog, Gina - which in turn prompted me to go back and look at old photos of my childhood. Now I'm homesick!

I must say, I think I was quite an adorable little girl! I had this brilliantly red birthmark right in the middle of the forehead - fortunately, I didn't get teased about it too much, thanks to the Sailormoon craze when I was a kid! All the other kids believed I was a real-life Sailor warrior... I claimed myself to be Sailor Mercury (she's my favourite) and in our eyes, we could all somehow see the Sailor Mercury symbol on my forehead, in my birthmark. Therefore, I was cool!!

Anyway, I stumbled upon some old photos when I was revisiting my childhood.

Aww, me and my dear brother when we were teeny kids. He used to take Tae Kwan Do lessons after school and I always wanted to myself - I was a real tomboy! But mum never let me. She claims I was too rough and would hurt the other kids! Instead, she enrolled me for ballet and piano lessons - which I loathed and quit a few weeks after. .... ... Geez, I looked like such a monkey, didn't I!

Translation : I love grandpa and grandma and gina

My passion for art also started at a very young age. Unfortunately, my skills were less than remarkable. My dad took great pains to teach me to draw once he discovered my interest, and I showed my appreciation my drawing him with a head the size of a mutant watermelon.

Translation : I love all the family ♥

On holiday in Barwon Heads, Australia. UGH my brother and I were so cute I want to kidnap us and take us home. Just look at me with that snowman! I wish I could be as photogenic now! I remember sweet old ladies always offering us candy on the bus. Our cuteness was irresistable!

It's always nice to take a trip down Memory Lane. I wish I could be a child again, careless and free.

Uh, since this post was originally about my dogs - who are my family and bestest friends in the world, here's to their memory. RIP, my loves and I'll see you in heaven soon! <3

Darling Gina ♥

My BFF Romario. ♥

Oh, to be 17 Again...

2009-04-20T23:58:00.001+11:00

So probably none of you have noticed that I added these new buttons to the bottom of every post which allows you to share the post on Twitter, RSS feeds, Google reader, Yahoo... just about any internet platform your heart desires. Also to the left, I have added a new feature which enables you to get my updates right in your email! Yay!

...or not, because who on earth wants to be spammed with my posts in your inbox, or feel the urge to talk about my non-existent personal life on Twitter? No no, it just helps me feel slightly better about my blog and also shows that I can do nifty things like 'keep up with the times, my homies!' Did I say that right? I'm getting old.

Anyhoo, I passed my Hazard Perception Test today! For those of you scratching your heads and going, "Hurhh?", the Hazard Perception Test is a requirement in Victoria for people who want to get their driver's license. Basically it's a test where you sit in front of a computer, watch a driving simulation and click the mouse whenever you should slow down, or overtake, or make a turn. It's not as simple as it seems, the video is deceivingly pixelated, which means a pedestrian choosing to dash across the road at the last second looks simply very much like a pixelated insect flying by. I ended the test near tears, convinced I had failed because I chose to overtake a car straight into the oncoming path of a HEAVY DUTY TRAILER TRUCK but the attendant looked at my miserable face and decided to torture me even more by silently stamping those stamp things very loudly and aggresively on my marking sheet. I was horrified and gasped desperately, "Did I fail?? Oh, don't tell me the bad news..." and he tortured me even more by inserting a very long pause, before informing me I did very well indeed.
I have never been more relieved other than the time I finally got my period after it being mysteriously absent for six months, but that is too much information.

Yes, in a few week's time, it will be legal for me to terrorize the streets and legally putting lives of little old ladies in danger!
...please watch out if you see my car hurtling towards you at breakneck speed, because I really do not have homocidal tendencies, I swear.

Also, today is my dear daddy's birthday, and tomorrow is my birthday - I will be turning 22 [applause, please] and am certainly getting on in my years. It is so depressing. I have crashed headlong into a quarter life crisis which feels strangely a lot like a mid-life crisis, and cannot help but feel that the peak of my youth, my vigour, my exuberance and sexuality - are passing me by, blowing kisses and laughing mockingly while it breezes past in a Series 5 BMW convertible.

I call it my Britney years - my early twenties - when legs are long and hair is soft and hips are meant to be gyrated. Of course, after they pass you turn psycho and start attacking cars with umbrellas. Can you blame me for being terrified?!
I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman has never related more to me than now. Just the other night I was singing it pensively to myself, while sitting in a corner weeping. McCool entered the room, saw me, stopped and the look on his face was one of a young parish witnessing his first demon execution. He stood there, as still as a statue for a whole of ten seconds before slowly backing out of the room. Later that night, we were laying in bed to go to sleep when he mustered up enough courage to turn to me and ask, "What's wrong?"
I replied, "I'm turning into a woman."
He paused for a second, then said, "Is this some kind of Britney reference? Are you turning into Britney?"

No, in a few hours I will no longer be 21, I will be 22 - and that is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. Soon, I will be 23, and then 24, and I'll be OLD!! My tummy will no longer be flat, my skin will no longer be perky, my boobs will discover the floor, my hips will lose the ability to swivel...

...I guess I should make it also clear that my skin is crap anyway, and what boobs??

OH GOD I WILL END UP LIKE SUSAN BOYLE!!! Except the singing part. I can't even sing! Cruel, so cruel!

Happy Birthday to me! [sobs]

Case of the Ex

2009-04-15T12:56:00.006+11:00

If there is one thing about the future that I dread to even think about, it would be meeting my ex-boyfriend(s) new girlfriend(s). It's just such a dreadful thought, and I feel sorry for these poor girls if by some uncanny smite from God himself, paths cross and I find myself in the unfortunate position of bumping into an ex and his new girlfriend.

I don't think I would even want to know if an ex-boyfriend is dating someone else. My high school sweetheart is probably still single (this I know from a little thing called Facebook) and for good reason, because he really was a tool - douche - jackass - whatever you call it. And if unfortunately I ever run into him with a new squeeze, I will take great pity on that girl and perhaps tell her to RUN RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!
Then again, it's always weird to be the 'ex-girlfriend', isn't it? I would hate for any of these newer, younger chicks to think of me as "that crazy ex-girlfriend". Ugh. C'mon, if a guy ever refers to his ex as crazy, oh maybe, just maybe that guy was a little kooky himself, eh? For example, the tool I dated for that short period in high school - I have no doubt in my mind that if he dates someone new, he will refer to me as the tyrant, mad, insane ex who never even let him sit down to watch a game of football.

In reality, he always rang me when his football game was on, and when I would ask him why wasn't he watching it, he always said, "Oh, nah! I'd much rather be talking to you on the phone, babe!" And then the next day he'd blow up in my face in front of all our friends yelling that I never let him do stuff he wanted like watching football. And I would just look at him like, "You've got to be kidding me."

He would then proceed to check out his hair in the window reflection and whip out that little comb he carries around with him everywhere.

I do, however, sincerely dread the thought of meeting say, McCool's new girlfriend or even Jin's, if they ever do have a new lady in their life. See, people like Jin and McCool, they don't stay single for long. They never do. They always get snapped up quicker than a hobo spying a penny on the ground. Young, handsome, rich - and charming enough to talk the hind leg off a donkey - they are the kind of men that most girls are relentlessly on the hunt for. And I, for one, would not like to know if they ever move on and date some hot German supermodel with the legs of Heidi Klum. No no, I don't want to know, not listening, la-la-la-la-la. I would probably stare bloody daggers at their new girlfriends and prick pins into voodoo dolls with a vengeance so fierce Zeus would appear at my doorstep to recruit me into his army.

If only God would have mercy on me and never put me through the traumatic ordeal of meeting new girlfriends. Which is why staying friends with an ex who was very dear to you on Facebook is never a good idea.

I only hope they will have good things to say about me to their new girls, preferably, "You girls have got a lot to live up to!"

Yeah!

and just like that

2009-04-14T01:15:00.004+11:00

In all the vast animal kingdom, if one ever had to ask what the cutest animal feet are, I would have to say bunnies. And not just because it's Easter, but seriously, just LOOK AT BUNNY FEET!

I have an irrational phobia of feet, this is not a lie, but bunny feet are the only feet in the world that I would not mind putting into my mouth and nomming away. I mean, did you watch Bambi? Those bastards can ice-skate on those feet! Are they not the most awesome feet ever? You go to an ice-skating rink and the attendant asks you what size feet you are, as if you want to wear feet that some tinia-infected person has worn before - and all you have to do is waggle your little bunny toes and hey presto! Instant skis! No fungi toes for me! I would love feet that multi-task like that. And the toes! The little toes!

Check out these adorable bunny feet from Cuteoverload.com

Of course, buying shoes would be a nightmare, but did you ever see any bunny donning Converse Hi-tops?! Those cute bastards wouldn't even be able to get as far as DFO Spencer Street without at least 20 random strangers asking to suck on their toes. Problem solved.

We were watching the Montreal Comedy Festival on TV a while ago and Joan Rivers comes on - she is a well-known female comedian whom I had never heard of up till this point - and she turns the audience into hysterics by talking about how vaginas drop when you grow old. Now - and this was the whole punchline of her skit - most women don't know that their vaginas will drop when you age. She says, our mothers don't tell us this fact. And I, sad to say, am no exception. I sat up, wide-eyed and snorting in astonishment at her skit whilst McCool was rolling on the floor in laughter (apparently vaginas are very funny things to men) and could not believe my ears!

What's this?! What do you mean they drop?? How is it possible to drop?? I know men's balls drop, bless them, but how is it possible it happens to women too?! I am utterly terrified. I do not wish, in 50 years time, to be walking out of Starbucks and bump into a neighbour, who looks down at my feet - and I will have to say, "Oh, I was born with an extra toe...."
And he will look at me with horror, perhaps the question running through his mind would be, "Do you mean Camel Toe???"

God forbid!! This makes me even more averse to old age. I think I will simply freeze myself when I turn 43.

We were on the bus to the mall when a group of young boys boarded - it is school holidays - and they were all dressed in black despite it being a warm 27 degrees outside. They all had long hair, likely to rival Miranda Kerr's luscious locks, and were bleached all colours imaginable. It seems to be lately, and tell me if you've noticed this too, that most guys nowadays look like complete freaks. They do, they do! Long, emo-ish hair, holes in places there should never be holes, clothes that my great-grandmother would buy for me if she were still alive... good god, fuck me, I will never find a decent man to spend the rest of my life with because they are all clearly completely mad!!!

A guy bought himself a full length mirror from Target or Kmart or whatever, it's all the same anyway - and he spend the entire bus journey staring at his reflection in the newly-purchased mirror, which was still wrapped in plastic, mind you - and adjusting his hair!! The bus journey must have lasted a good 45 minutes at least and not once did his eyes avert from his reflection or his fingers from teasing his fringe to fall just right.

Our future lies in the hands of these people, are you not proud and eager to see what the next decade holds. Yay!

Happy Easter, darlings.

Institutionalized

2009-04-06T10:42:00.003+11:00

As I rode on the bus to work this morning, I peered out through the foggy windows and sniffed at the rain-sodden air of a frosty cold morning. On the bus, every day, were commuters just like myself - groggy eyed and bitter about going to work, trying to steal an extra minute's worth of sleep on the ride.

And maybe because it was a Monday morning, just like the hundred and one other Monday mornings before this, or maybe it was because I sat down and watched Shawshank Redemption last night - that I somehow realized we don't really need to be in prison to be prisoners.

After all, it is uncannily similar. We all wake up at the same time, every day - we report to our bosses, we spend a day's work in hard labor - we eat when we are told to, we take our breaks when they are allocated, we go to bed at set times and we have to submit applications for days off. Unless you are your own boss and life is relatively easy for you, masses of other people who live the life of a drone, day in and day out - prison is a term best used loosely.

We are not really truly free. We are always prisoners to society, conforming and adapting to the standards and expectations of what the community wants. Perhaps we are not free until we live like a bird, doing just what we love, whenever and however we want to. Me, I feel free in a sense when I am cantering off on horseback, or when I am simply strolling along the sidewalk hand-in-hand with the person I love - when I am doing something I thoroughly enjoy and choose to do out of choice, and not because I have to pay the bills.

What would we do without our imprisonment? What would we do if left stranded all alone on a completely deserted island - no need to work, play or hunt for food - what would we do? Perhaps most of us would feel lost, maybe even desperate.

I want to break free - I want to do things I want to do, recklessly abandoning all consequences, I want to go far far away with someone I love, I want to wake up whenever I want and I want to work hard because I choose to enjoy the work. Reality is harsh, they say - but so is prison. And escaping from prison is no mean feat - and trying might kill me.

As we all shuffle into work at the same time, dressed in drab tones of grey and black, like a pack of penguins, like clones from Star Wars, perhaps, in a way, we are all already institutionalized.

This guy are sick

2009-04-02T09:29:00.002+11:00

So what is with this new Lady GaGa song? I'm sure you know which one I'm talking about - it's all over the radio airwaves. Something about a disco stick of some sort. It's unbelievable catchy, although I really am not a fan of Lady GaGa.

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

The damned tune has been on repeat in my head all day long and it's driving me nuts! The radio DJ said it was a pogo stick, and not a disco stick - which does make a bit more sense, because well, don't you kinda bounce on a pogo stick? What the heck is a disco stick anyway? Oh Lady GaGa, I see what you did there!
But when I first heard this song, the line that made my ears really go WHAT was :

Don't think too much
Just bust that dick

Excuse me, WHAT? Did I hear that right??? I almost died laughing. I probably misheard, but that is exactly what it sounds like to me! Omg, isn't that a bit too much to be playing at 9 in the morning?! They go to such great lengths to censor If-You-Seek-Amy, but not for busting that dick? Oh dear.

Yes, I realize that was a little pointless. I'm simply fighting the warriors of boredom at work, so that excuses me for everything.

Shameless Plug : ClickClockCulture

2009-03-29T23:26:00.008+11:00

I finally had a nice, relaxing weekend - after a long week of mind-numbing (and ass-numbing) work. It came as a little bit of dismay when Elly came up and asked me to work on a photoshoot on our joint blog - ClickClockCulture - and the catch was that she wanted to be ready to go in the wee hours of the morning.

So I bid a tearful farewell to my sleep-in Saturday and we traipsed our way tot he the Royal Botanic Gardens for a themed fashion photoshoot.

If you like what you see and would like to see more photos of the very stylish Elly, do head on over to ClickClockCulture and add it to your bookmarks! =)

In other news, I am completely dreading the thought of going back to work tomorrow morning - really, really need to get my clothing label - Midnight Ink - up and running soon so I can quit this humdrum job! I need some motivation! Tell me guys, would you buy some cool animal-print design t-shirts to wear? I really hope this business venture will work out in my favour. =[

Using the toilet at work

2009-03-26T23:18:00.003+11:00

Because there comes a point in time during everyone's life, where you just have to use the bathroom at work. There are no 'laters', no 'buts', no 'not me!' about it. I once knew a co-worker who would refuse to drink and hold in her pee for the entire day, simply because she didn't want to use the office toilet. I have been known to call in late to work in order to sort out my affairs at home beforehand, if you get what I mean. Office toilets are a nightmare. All the judgmental eyes following you as you get out of your seat and stride down the aisle leading to the WC... all of them thinking if you are going to do a No. 1 or No. 2, if you are going to flush properly, if you are going to scrunch or fold... let alone what horrors may await you in the dreaded bowl itself.

There was a period of time where the office toilets broke down, and our bosses resorted to calling in a couple of Porta-Loos to be placed in the car park for us to use. What happened was that they discovered the sewer lines had never been attached in the first place, so there was about half a year's worth of fecal matter brewing underground.. and one day, after one (or more) particularly large dumps of crap, the load gave way.

What ensued was nothing short of a M. Night Shyamalan horror movie, only this time it wasn't killer trees, it was killer poop. Or rather, killer stench.

I do not even want to relive the memories of the days where I had to endure torturous minutes in those Porta-loos - let me just say that I HAVE SEEN THINGS IN THERE THAT NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO SEE. EVER.

So it was nothing short of a celebration when, after several ardous months, the sewer line was fixed and the normal, indoor office toilets were reopened once again. Now, I no longer cared if the whole building knew I was going to the toilets, by god, I WILL use these toilets and I will embrace them, especially after the horrors of months past.

Anyway, just the other day I strolled happily into the ladies' room - it's usually empty and I was surprised to bump into a colleague who had just gone it seconds before I had. I don't know about you, but I always find this awkward. What kind of small talk to you have to make in the toilet?! Especially if the both of you are standing at the sink at the same time. What do you say? "Had a good pee? Mine was a bit yellow, but it didn't smell... how bout yours?"

Unfortunately, I could not devise a strategy to avoid this meeting fast enough - and I had to enter the cubicle the same time she did. The walls are thin - and I am paranoid about people hearing me whizz away, for lack of better word. So there I was, by myself in the little cubicle, panicking as I heard her unzipping her pants in the cubicle next door.
"Oh god," I thought. "If I stay too quiet, she will wonder why I'm not peeing!"
So I remained an idiot and started desperately ripping at toilet paper, messing with the seat, fiddling with my belt - as loudly as I can - and it didn't help that I was absolutely BURSTING to go. But of course, I didn't want her to hear me pee - I just wanted to make some sort of noise so she wouldn't think I'm a toilet freak! In fact, I have a weird hang-up where I don't want anyone to hear any sort of bodily noise from me at all - ever.

Anyways, she started unloading in blissful waterfalls and I became more desperate as my kidneys started threathening to form stones. Finally, I decided that I would pee quietly. How I ever came to that idea, I never knew. There is one thing though - I am a bit of a ninja in the toilet when I need to be... the art is to control your muscles and release ever so gently into a small trickle down the SIDE of the bowl - this is very important people, if it hits the water straight on, it is bound to splash and make a noise. Therefore you have to hit the walls and let it trickle down quietly.

Quite zen, really. My mother would be so proud.

After obtaining some relief, I could not delay any longer - she was still going (good lord, she must've drank like a liter of Gatorade or something) and I had to exit the cubicle. I washed my hands as quickly as hygienely possible and immediately rushed to the hand dryer. See, to avoid making small talk at the sinks, you stand at the hand dryer so that the noise eliminates all possibility of conversation.

Of course, I thought I was doing brilliantly and was feeling quite pleased with myself, until she came out of the cubicle, looked at me, and I accidentally farted.

FML.

(oh, and because the gorgeous Elly over at ClickClockCulture introduced this to me...)

Follow my blog with bloglovin´

Don't say you wanna, don't say you were gonna~

2009-03-22T16:48:00.005+11:00

Time to move away from my monotonous life lately with a little bit of entertainment blogging! And no, I shall not blog about Britney, because God knows I tweet about her way too much already. Crap, I think I'm obsessed. Just the other day I went to the record store and picked up a copy of 2001's Britney Spears Live in Las Vegas DVD and had to smuggle it under my jacket while waiting in line to pay - my friend wouldn't even line up beside me for fear of exile! When I went to the counter to hand over my cash, I was praying that the cashier wouldn't look at me like I was a slutty social outcast and say something cleverly snarky like, "Nice day for herpes!"

Luckily, she didn't - actually I think the cashier is a closet Britney fan as well, judging from the way she nodded slightly in approval as she scanned in my purchase! In actuality, I think a LOT of us are closet Britney fans. That co-worker of yours tapping her heels in time to her headphones as she's typing up a proposal? Yep, Brit fan. That middle-aged man reading the gossip section of the newspaper on the train? Brit fan. That quiet bespectacled girl in the corner that nobody ever notices? Brit fan. That homeless man on the street begging for change? Brit fan. Your gay best friend? Need I say it? BRIT FAN.
I am personally of the opinion that Britney fans get more flak for being her fan than any other celebrity! I have copped more insults, laughs and eye-rolling than your average transsexual for being a Britney fan than for any other reason! And I have had enough!! It's time to embrace my Brit-sexuality!

Also, I'm not sure how this turned into another Britney post when I said it wouldn't! !!!! !!111!! exclamation mark !! ! !!!

Anyways, to move away from all things Spear-related, I have been also somewhat following BoA's and Utada Hikaru's efforts to try and break into the mainstream American market - and falling somewhat short. Oh, it's not that they're no good - in fact they're pretty good - it's just that I think they are trying too hard. I managed to sample both BoA's and Utada's debut American album (well-- in Utada's case, second attempt album) and it is sad to say - even though I am not American (although I follow mainstream pop American music like a cult) and I am 100% Asian (I have seen the Edison Chen sex scandal photos, go me!) - I still find that both albums fall short. Which is sad, because I would really like to see an Asian celebrity make it big states-wise, for a change.

BoA's album - aptly titled 'BoA' (I had to lol at myself for that one) is a compendium of highly charged dance tracks which would not seem out of place at a nightclub. However, tune after tune of highly synthesized dance beats and edited vocals soon gets old real quick. Halfway through, I think I needed a break and was craving a nice, juicy ballad. Once I listened to the first few tracks, everything else started to sound strangely similar. Also, her accent really bothers me. To give her credit, BoA only just recently started learning English, but oh geez, my pet peeve is the fobby english accent and even though she did a fantastic job of concealing it - there are moments when I just wanted to scream, "Make it stop!"

Nevertheless, it is a decent attempt and there are a few catchy tunes which are annoying enough to stay in your head all day long - like the annoying 'Did Ya', the somewhat annoying "I-I-I-I did it - did it - did it -did it - did it - for love", and the even more annoying 'Dress Off'. The english version of 'Girls on Top' quickly became my new jam. Everything else, I press 'Skip' when it comes on my iPod.
Favourite songs : Did Ya, Girls on Top

As for Utada - I am so sad to say that even though it was a decent R&B, mainstream pop album - nothing really jumped out at me. The release single, 'Come back to me' was good, but forgettable. The only track that I loved (and am guilty of having on 'Repeat') is the addictive 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI', with little lilts of piano and strings, somewhat reminiscent of her better Japanese material. Every other track sounded exactly the same as any other mainstream R&B / pop album out there and I forgot them all as soon as I heard it. Also, her lyrics are somewhat cringe-worthy. A good album, but not likely to stand out in the crowd.
Favourite songs : Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI

Overall, I have to say I preferred BoA's album. Perhaps I'm being a little over-critical, and let me say first and foremost that this is just my opinion - but I really wish they would have not tried so hard to be mainstream and just stuck to the kind of music that made them so popular in the East. Utada's songs have always had a unique flavour to them - like Sakura Drops (my personal fav), Sanctuary and Deep River. BoA has always had catchy beats and sweet ballads crossed with killer dance moves - I loved Atlantis Princess, Eien and Lose Your Mind - so really, if it ain't broke, why fix it? Americans do know how to appreciate good tracks, and screaming I I I I did it did it did it for love love love love isn't exactly record-breaking material now.

Although, it did work for Rihanna and her Umbrella ella ella ella eh eh eh eh, so I digress.

Too Much for a Monday

2009-03-16T15:45:00.002+11:00

Growing up and having friends who are mostly boys means that I have become very much desensitized to the countless (and sometimes tasteless) sexual jokes and remarks - I'm shocked that I'm not shocked at the amount of vulgarity I have been exposed to throughout my adolescent years!

However, my ultimately pervert co-worker seems to raise the bar to a whole new level sometimes, especially given that we are in a workplace. A daily ritual of exchanging filthy jokes is routine between us on every single working day, but to wake up on an early Monday morning to this following exchange?

Co-worker : My thighs are sore.

Me : WHAT FROM.

Co-worker : A long, sweaty, satisfying session of s--

Co-worker : Get your mind out of the gutter!

Co-worker : Soccer.

Co-worker : And btw, her thighs are usually sore, not mine.

Me : Omg I so did not need to know that.

Me : My wisdom teeth are bothering me.

Co-worker : Oh no, you need to get them removed.

Me : Shit, what if it impairs my awesome ability to blow---

Me : ---bubbles.

Co-worker : Oh, good one!

Sometimes... I really really wonder about my workplace.

My wallet, I cry with you...

2009-03-16T00:41:00.002+11:00

Now is the time I raise my finger at the economy and yell obscenely obscene language at it. Why, why must it make the US dollar so much stronger than the Australian dollar at such a time?! Whyyy, dammit??

I came across this gorgeous vintage jacket for sale online which I absolutely fell in love with - and at a price tag of $82, really, it's not that bad.

Of course, that is before I take the recession into account.

After happily adding it into my Paypal shopping cart and recalculating the currency exchange, the total almost doubles! Ugh ugh ugh recession, you are crippling my ability to stimulate the economy with some much-wanted retail therapy! At 1am on a Sunday night I am reduced to spending hours in front of the computer screen holding long, thought-out debates with myself on whether or not a simply stunning brown Velveteen bolero is really worth it! This is important, you guys! Do I really need to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a jacket that I probably will only wear once (or twice) and possibly don't even need??? My brain tells me No, but my body tells me Yes Yes Yesss!!!

Dear God, save my soul for I am succumbing to the evil clenches of consumer commercialization. When in doubt, ask yourself, What Would Naruto Do?! (not the Dalai Lama, because he would tell me not to spend on frivolous purchases - but I must wonder at the exact definition of 'frivolous'... is it frivolous when you strut down High Street feeling like a million bucks in your $AUD140 vintage bolero?? IS IT??)

And I can't even wear it horse riding. AHHH FML.

In the end, I can't resist you, my gorgeous vintage bolero.

and cats go Meow

2009-03-11T11:37:00.003+11:00

My co-worker forwarded me this message exchange between him and an IT personnel at work today.

Sometimes... I wonder about my workplace.

hell yeahh britney to tour australia in september!!!

2009-03-04T21:54:00.002+11:00

"In like 20 years when people ask me what the greatest day of my life was I'm not going to say the birth of my kids, the wedding to the love of my life or buying my first home - I'm going to say : The Circus ft Britney Spears."

"It's the second coming of Jesus." --McCool

Yeeeaaaaaahhhhh~!!!!

images from Ohnotheydidnt

Things that make my heart skip a beat [Image Heavy]

2009-02-17T23:46:00.018+11:00

Exciting New Blogs

Pretty Fashion Shoots

Stunning Photography
Breathtakingly Beautiful Horses

Flowers

Great Lighting in Photos

Eye-popping Dance Moves

The Morning After

Beautiful Art

Handsome Men

Good Sex

Mouth-watering Food

New Music
Sweet Kisses

of war and heroines

2009-02-11T23:31:00.007+11:00

When I sit and think about all the women I admire and respect, I realize that they are all strong, independant women with will-power, determination and courage even in the face of adversity. I find that they may have their occasional moments of vulnerability, fear, even loneliness - but they do not waver and they keep ploughing on.

When I meet new people and I suss out who would I most like to be friends with, I find that they are the girls who are strong and know what they want in life, and have a mind and spine of their own. And yet I find that they are also human, and kind and generous and down-to-earth yet amazingly free-spirited.

I remember wanting to be free-spirited, I remember people telling me to stay free-spirited.

Somewhere, I lost sight of these amazing women and reduced myself to the weepy, weak characters I used to loathe.

Somewhere in between that and this, now, I think I remember who I wanted to be, who I should be, and who I will become. I think I understand that every strong woman has her dark days, but the difference between heroines and non-heroines is that the heroines who are truly remembered are the ones that take initiative and keep fighting on - and not wait around for the hero.

I think I used to be strong-willed. I think I used to be impulsive, and stubborn, and refused to wait around for change. I think I used to fight for what was right, and I think I used to look forward, straight ahead. I think you don't have to be a cold, ice-queen to be a strong heroine, I think you can be sweet and kind and gentle and yet possess this amazing inner strength and mentality which simply radiates off you - which makes people look at you and think, "She's a heroine."

I think your hero shouldn't complete you, you should complement each other.

I think I remember what it used to be like to want to be a heroine. I think I can try to be one again.

I think I just will be.

Black Saturday : Plea For Help

2009-02-10T22:16:00.004+11:00

Official death toll is over 200 now and still rising. Over 5000 people are now homeless with over 800 homes destroyed. Fires are still burning and other towns are still in danger. Please help however you can, no matter how small.

Donate to the Bushfire Appeal through the Australian Red Cross or Salvation Army, either by phone or online. You don't have to live in Australia to donate, international aid is more than welcome.

Also, don't forget the animals, donate to Wildlife Victoria and RSPCA Victoria as well as Animal Aid who are working endlessly around the clock to save the millions of pets, stock and wildlife that are now seriously injured and homeless from the devastating fires. Also consider the hundreds of horses which are now homeless or horribly burnt and injured, if you have any means of donating feed or offering agistment - or even any sort of veterinary skills, etc, consider registering to assist or make a financial donation to TripleR Equine Welfare. They have set up a temporary relief shelter at Bendigo Showgrounds, so if you are in the area, Ascot Saddlery in Flemington is also accepting donation of all kinds, from tack to feed to just about whatever you can spare and it will all go towards the horses.

If you are in Australia, perhaps consider donating blood which is desperately needed for hundreds of injured people. Or if there is a Salvos or St Vincents in your local area, drop by with whatever you can spare, from toiletries to underwear to sanitary pads and tampons to pet food... every little bit counts and is greatly appreciated.

For a million other ways to help, click here to see how you can lend a hand during this time of tragedy for Australia.
Ways To Help
and
More Ways To Help

All the flags have been flying at half-mast. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I haven't been able to contact my previous employer, who took me to Gippsland to ride and drive his gorgeous Clydesdale horses. I can only hope that those dear animals are safe and made it through the fires.
God bless you all.

Black Saturday

2009-02-09T00:19:00.003+11:00

My thoughts and condolences go out to all the Victorians who were affected by yesterday's deadly bushfires... it was horrendous, simply horrendous, a real day from hell. I feel for your loss and have you all in my prayers.

How heartbreaking - it has been running on the news all day long for two days now. I turned on the news yesterday only to have my heart completely stop for a whole two seconds and my blood turn completely cold as the newsreader said, "Fire in Keysborough..." and I could barely hear the rest, my stomach was coming up to my throat. Keysborough!! But that's where Blinkbonnie Equestrian Center is! That's where my dear Midnight and Cosmo and Prince and Shrimpy and all the rest of my equine family live! That's where I was supposed to be working, if the hot weather hadn't meant that it would be closed for the day! I could barely even fathom the thought of a deadly fire so close to my babies.

But after a couple of phone calls and manic searching on all the news sites, it seemed Blinkbonnie was safe. The fire wasn't in their surrounding area. Thank goodness.

And then I thought of a good friend of mine who works out in the country where the main fires are burning, and messaged her immediately. Thankfully, she too is out of harm's way.

The whole tragedy is just... incomprehensible. There's over 100+ dead so far and the death toll is still rising. Whole towns have been completely destroyed. The fires are still burning and damned-to-hell arsonists are relighting fires that have been extinguished. I want to vomit when I think about that. More than two towns have been completely razed to the ground and countless charred bodies have been found trapped in cars as they try to escape. A bride lost her husband just two weeks after their marriage. Victoria's dearly beloved newscaster and his family are dead - burnt to the ground. So many homes and families have been lost.
I watch the news and see the blazes burning and I think of the countless horses that have died - it is so heartbreaking. There is footage of farmers walking out over their paddocks, euthanizing their horses and cattle that didn't survive the fire. It's horrifying.

The nearest fire to me was Yarra Glen - which really isn't that far at all - and my entire area was covered in a foreboding, restless fog all day long which had me quite worried. It was so hot and dry and just... a fidgety feeling was in the air all day long. I constantly kept my dog wet and cool, with plenty of ice cubes and kept my eye on the dark smoke surrounding the area. It was very scary.

It's heartbreaking, but please keep all those who have sufferend in your prayers. Help with what you can. Here is a great post with all the ways in which you can help, donations are very much needed right now.
Ways to Help

And to make things worse, my brother rang my at 3am while I was sleeping - to inform me that my grandmother had been rushed to hospital. The doctors are on holiday (imagine that!) so they won't know what is wrong till Tuesday at least. I'm very worried, so if you can, please spare a prayer for my dear grandmother too.

What a day of tragedy. :(

Keep putting one foot in front of the other

2009-02-05T22:52:00.005+11:00

How awesome is this :

When I hear the words 'National Geographic', I immediately think of the gorgeous blonde boy who caught my eye on the bus a few months ago... because he was simple and un-douchey-like, and as he got on the bus, he pulled out a copy of National Geographic and was completely engrossed in it. No boy reads National Geographic anymore. As I left the bus never to see him ever again, I think I loved him then.

When I hear the word 'princess', I immediately think of how I was once a princess - someone's princess. Now I am something like Cinderella, minus the mice and the magic.

When I read the word 'legend', I immediately think of Britney Spears. Let's face it, in 20 years from now your kids will still be bopping along to 'Baby One More Time'. What a queen.

When I see 'roses', I immediately think of the large bouquet I once received on Valentine's Day many, many years ago, from possibly the only boy who ever really truly wanted to try to love me. (I called him crazy and he never spoke to me again.)

When I shed a tear, I immediately think of the first time I ever consciously cried in front of someone else - my mother, in high school, when I lied to her and said my boyfriend dumped me. (It was the other way round.)

When I hear the words' unaldurated happiness' and 'freedom', I immediately think of galloping across a never-ending pasture, with the wind in my hair, on the back of a horse.

I am not a witty writer, nor can I conjure up amazing jokes to put stitches in your side, and my little space doesn't have a hundred pretty photos, nor do I have an interesting daily life to share with the world - but I like to think that what I write is real, and felt from the heart - and perhaps that might be good enough in it's own way. I do not need a million hits or a hundred comments, just knowing that what I write is real at this point in time, that is enough.

And yes, I am also aware that I use too many commas.

post : random

2009-01-29T23:44:00.004+11:00

I love when something really constructive happens and catches you completely by surprise : for example say you tell someone about something that really really bothers you, and you would like some changes to be made - and said person completely ignores you, leaving you dissapointed and wondering if they even heard in the first place.

And then voila, all the changes start happening and you find yourself being treated with more respect. And the moment you realize that your words actually were taken into account - and put into effect - the moment that catches you completely off-guard. That's gold, right there. :) It's funny how sometimes putting your foot down and taking a stand for yourself actually does work! *gaspshockhorror*

Little moments like these make me realize; there is hope yet! :)

gif from Ohnotheydidn't