If you want to know where I’m coming from calling family worship a “royal waste of time,” then check out ‘The Joy of Family Worship‘ by R.C. Sproul Jr.  It completely changed my perspective of family worship.

And yes, we do worship together as a family…as an end, not a means.  :)

(This is not an affiliate link, I’m not getting paid and no one asked me to post this, I just want you to hear it.)

…here is what they might say:

My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make my bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball.  My legs are short; please slow down so I can keep up with you.

My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely.  Don’t restrict me unnecessarily.

Housework will always be there.  I’m only little for a short time-please take time to explain things to me abou tthis wonderful world, and do so willingly.

My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs.  Don’t nag me all day long…treat me as you would like to be treated.

I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, by holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.

I need your encouragment to grow.  Please go easy on the criticism; remember you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself.  Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes.  Then someday I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

Please don’t do things over for me.  Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations.  I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together.  Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids.  Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marraige is very special.

-Unknown

I trust today’s post in the hands of my very talented and wise friend Kristi. Kristi has been married to her best friend for seven years. She is on a quest to love Christ more as she makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, kisses boo-boos, irons mountains of shirts, and cleans cheerios out of the vents. She loves to study and teach God’s Word and writes daily at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky. You can also find her on twitter.

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If this is why I was created, why then is it so hard to fulfill? Why is it so hard to love my husband?

Sometimes I wonder what Adam and Eve’s relationship was like for that brief span of time before they rebelled against God. They were literally made for each other. Both of them awoke into consciousness in the presence of their Creator. They lived in a glorious world, in a beautiful garden designed for them by God. They had no sin, no selfishness, no baggage from their past. Perfect trust, perfect intimacy, perfect unity.

One choice to rebel against God shattered it all.

Shame. “…they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.” Genesis 3:7
Broken intimacy. “…the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God…” Genesis 3:8
Blame. “The man said, ‘The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.’” Genesis 3:12

Sin came crashing into the deepest recesses of their hearts. Sin came crashing into paradise.

Genesis 3:14-19 contains what is known as the curse – God’s judgments on the creation He loved in response to their rebellion. The curse brought physical death which mirrored the spiritual death Adam and Eve had already experienced. It brought thorns and thistles – frustration and futility in man’s God-given work. The woman would suffer increased pain in childbearing. Most pertinent to our discussion, though, is the second half of Genesis 3:16.

“Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you.”

That word “desire” is very interesting. The word in the Hebrew means “stretching out after, a yearning, a longing, a desire.” It is used only three times in the Old Testament- once in Song of Solomon, once here in Genesis 3:16, and once in Genesis 4:7. When we flip over to Genesis 4:7, we find this word used in the account of Cain killing his brother Abel. God tells him that “sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” “Desire” here carries the idea of control - sin wants to control you, but you have to master it.

With that deeper understanding of “desire,” this verse becomes vivid to me. Because of the curse, I do not want to be my husband’s loving helper. I want to be my husband’s ruler. Women are constantly struggling to control their husbands, and history has played out the fact that men have responded many times by becoming oppressively dominant or weak and  passive.

Because of that painful history behind us, many of us struggle with the thought of being a loving helper. We struggle with it because we live in a broken world and we battle with our human nature that is bent toward sin. Because of the curse, we constantly find ourselves struggling to dominate. In addition, so many of us have been wounded by perversions of male headship – men who have fought back in the battle for domination and have done so by suppressing, abusing, or neglecting women.

Men are broken and sinful, too.

There is good news, though! God did not abandon us in our sin and brokenness.

One of the most commonly referred to passages regarding the topic of Biblical marriage is Ephesians 5:22-33. If you are familiar with this passage, you know that wives are told to submit to their husbands, and husbands are told to love their wives.

But that’s not all.

I love Ephesians 5:25-27.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

Christ gave Himself up for us.
In order to sanctify us.
He cleanses us with the Word.
He is preparing us to be His holy and blameless bride.

Are you struggling to love your husband? Are you dealing with sin, shame, broken intimacy, and blame? Do you battle with your own desire to control your husband and resistance to the idea of being his helper?

Being sanctified and cleansed is a process. It is a process that necessitates that we sit in the presence of Jesus, that we let Him cleanse us with the pure water of His Word. Be real with Him. You aren’t able to do this alone.

Lord, cause me to love my husband.
Teach me what it looks like to submit to him out of reverence for You.
I struggle with fear, teach me to trust You.
I feel ashamed – cover me with your righteousness and cleanse me from my sin.
I am in the habit of blaming him – show me where I need to take responsibility, and teach me to forgive him.

I am broken and sinful – and so is my husband.

I have found that when I wrestle with my own deep fears, sin, and desire to control, that God grants me eyes of compassion for my husband. For when I am honest about my own failures, I am more likely to pray for him than to blame him. When I entrust my fears to God, I can be freed to love and help my husband rather than control him.

We still live in a broken world. We still wrestle with our sinful nature. But Jesus will wash away the guilt and shame, and we no longer need to cast blame. He can free us to love.

A new day dawns and offers a freshness…a candid beginning…a simple rejoice.

The blessings given therein are beautiful and abundant.  There eyes aglow, there laughter tickling, there little feet stomping down the hallway.  Life is good for them, and I am heart-filled to be the one in which they find their care.  My children – my family, they are a gift.

But sometimes, I forget…sometimes I have to remind myself to stop my self-flesh from craving more of the me that interferes with the them.  When I remember, I get the good more; more simple, more joy, more rest, more peace, more present.

Read the rest of this article at (in)courage today…

“…train the young women to love their husbands…” Titus 2:4

Marriage is hard, because being a sinner and loving a sinner is hard.  Writing this post is hard because I know that I fail and fall way short when it comes to loving my husband.

But it is the first command in Titus 2:4…it is listed before loving my children, so I know it is important, and therefore I must persevere.

Loving my husband.

So how can I love my husband well?

I looked up love in relation to this passage, and you know what I found?  This is the type of love (Philos) that is a friendly love – a companionship love.

I am to be my husband’s companion…his beloved companion.

It is why I was created.

“But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him…And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man…”  Genesis 2:20,22

I am my husband’s helper-completer.

He was not made for me, I was made for him.  So there it is, my first clue in loving him well – actively being his helper and companion, seeking and supporting his vision as I complete him as a person and in his work.

As his beloved companion, I am committed to giving myself, heart, mind, and body, to him and no other man.  “…your husband is the one to whom your exclusive, intimate fellowship and sexual responses belong.”  Barbara Mouser, Five Aspects of Woman

If this is why I was created, why then is it so hard to fulfill?  Why is it so hard to love my husband?

Friday…the curse.

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Now, I need your advice/thoughts…

I am thinking about joining a new ad network, but I want your thoughts as my readers.  The ad would be one of those big long ones on the sidebar – it would be the first thing you see…the welcome would go below it.

I am having a hard time deciding.  I like the idea of some extra bucks, plus the ad network is going to be very exclusive, which does give my blog more credibility when it comes to leveraging more opportunities.  Those are the upsides…the downsides are that it is a big ad that takes away some of the pretty on my blog.  Big ads can also be kind of obnoxious looking.

Even though I would still write whether I had a significant readership or not, I know I wouldn’t have the ability to make any money on ads if it weren’t for your continued support, so your thoughts matter to me.

Yay or nay on the ad network?

(More Titus tomorrow)

I was going to write today on loving our husbands, but there is something in Titus 2:4 that needs to be examined closer…

“…so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands…”(NASB)

“Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands…” (NIV)

“So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands…” (AMP)

The Greek verb here translated “train” means “to make sane or sober of mind, to moderate, to discipline.” – Marvin Vincent, Word Studies in the New Testament

A little word, easily overlooked, but with abundant meaning.  Train.

Are you disciplined?

Are you of a sober mind?

Are you trainable?

“Now then, my sons, listen to me;
blessed are those who keep my ways.

Listen to my instruction and be wise;
do not ignore it.

Blessed is the man who listens to me,
watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway.

For whoever finds me finds life
and receives favor from the LORD.

But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
all who hate me love death.”  Proverbs 8:32-36

I fear going further in this study because I know that once the Lord lifts the veil from our eyes we can never return it.  Once our eyes are opened life gets seemingly more complicated, because we have to then make choices, hard choices.  Conviction will take hold, or perhaps we will run, either way, we must respond.  Because ultimately it comes down to this: dying…to ourselves.

Think about this today, about what it means to be trainable, what it means to lay down our own lives and pick up counter worldly ones.  A Jesus life.

It is a hard, blessed path.  Don’t take it lightly.

Are you prepared to die?

Titus 2: 3-5, Uncovering the Beauty – An Outline

Uncovering the Beauty – The Titus 2 Older Woman

Photo Credit: The Parable of The Wise and Foolish Virgins

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Why do you worship?

So often when we see “weaknesses” in our children we say to our spouse, “she gets that from you!”  We smile, or roll our eyes, but I’m wondering…

How often do we point out a strength and say,

“she gets that from you.”

Find that strength today…and give your spouse a great big dose of blessing in it.

Before I sat down to officially enjoy my lunch in the quiet of the day (that is, when all the babes are napping), I snatched a chip and chomped it down.  You know what occurred to me in that moment.

Shame.

Read the rest over at (in)courage today…

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