Life's Sweet Passions

A Mark and a Legacy

2011-01-03T14:14:00.001-07:00

I’ve often heard about people who can’t wait to leave their mark on the world. I read about these people in books, watch them in movies, and occasionally meet a very passionate one, in person. They dream about doing great things, building landmarks, or making a difference in the world somehow; they want to leave a legacy behind, and they have big plans of how to do it.

I never understood that passion, until today.

My dad’s profession is as a mason. Stone, brick, marble, tile; you name it, and he can make something out of it. When he was still well enough to work, he had quite the demand for his skill, and he would have to juggle jobs in order to have enough time for each one; being the man he is, he couldn’t turn a job down. And BOY, did those jobs come! There never was a time that I remember when he was struggling for work. He was just that good.

His skill was passed down to all four of my brothers--including my brother-in-law--who each had their fair share of time working by his side, learning the trade. I remember many arguments over the years, either with other construction workers (over space, time, respect, theft of my dad’s costly materials), or with my brothers (when they got older it was about who knew the best/fastest way to finish the job). Hard labor can get rough sometimes, and the construction business is no exception.

Whatever the situation, my dad always pulled through, not only finishing the job, but putting up some of the best masonry work around. I haven’t ever thought much about what he did for a living. To me, it was just a job my dad did that earned money. He went to work, got all dirty, and came home. End of story. But I wasn’t thinking about the big picture.

He drove us to Mason’s radiation appointment today, up in Salt Lake. When it was done we drove through the Avenues, while he pointed out various houses that he had worked on. They were older houses, and the work most likely done before any of my brothers were old enough to help. This was purely my dad’s work. Later, as we drove past downtown Salt Lake, he would point out random buildings, walls, and planters that he had built, each with its own story.

I began to remember times in my past when he had done the same thing. Times when, as we were driving, out of nowhere he would pick out a house, building, wall, mailbox, and tell us the story of how he had built it, and anything interesting that had happened during construction. And I remembered what I always forget: the many places I pass each day, that he helped build; the beautiful fireplace in the entrance of the hotel in my hometown; the walls and businesses I see in Salt Lake every morning.

Thoughts began to enter my head, feelings of proudness for the work my dad has done his whole life; the knowledge that these buildings and structures he built can be found from here, to California, and all the way to Hawaii.

Whether he knows it or not, whether he ever felt a passion to do so, he has left his mark on the world, in the shape of warmth and comfort; in the shape of homes.

And not only that, but he has taught his sons the trade. And even though they have moved on to different professions, they will always have that skill to fall back on because it is not one that you forget. He has left a legacy behind, one that I never realized before. One that I am proud of.

All I can think now is that I want to leave my mark on the world, too, and that I want to leave behind a legacy of my own!!

This is Not a New Year's Post

2010-12-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't read much of what I wrote in those early days in the hospital back in November. I didn't want to think back to those days, when the future was bleak, and I could barely imagine what would be possible past the next day. Even though I was witness to two amazing miracles given my son during his two surgeries, and even more blessings given by family members, I somehow chose to ignore those happy parts. Yes, I talked about them, but at that time it was all I could do to breathe, and take care of Mason in his fragile state.

It's hard to describe what I felt; being so thankful for things, big and small, yet unable to make myself function to give proper thanks. Yet I still feel like that, unable to let myself do anything other than take Mason to doctor appointments, and come home. Anything past that is hard, therefore anything past that is unnecessary. I've closed myself off to the world, and chosen to only focus on things as they come. I've let a lot of things slip lately, and it's hard to know where to pick them back up. I'm not sure I even want to.

This week, I began letting myself read those things I wrote in the very beginning...and I can't believe it was me that wrote some of that stuff! It was hard to read what Mason and I have gone through, told in my own startlingly personal words. I felt my heart breaking all over again as I relived that morning before his first surgery, and had to remind myself to take deep breaths. Some of it still seems like it happened to some other mom; some other boy. Surely my sweet little boy didn't have to go through all that...right?

But in the end I know it's true, and he has gone through many hard things in just two months. It seems so long ago that we were in the hospital. It seemed like we were in there for months, yet I was honestly surprised to realize that it had only been two weeks. Two life-changing weeks.

Mason has been such a strong little boy these two months, and I am glad...but for selfish reasons. Because if he wasn't so strong, I'm not sure I would be able to help him at all. Like I said, I've closed myself off to the world, and sometimes that includes Mason. I feel terrible, but I know it's a survival instinct; one I am very good at bringing out.

Less feelings=less heartache. Survival 101.

I know this is all just a stage I'm going through; I've read everything there is to read about caregiver burnout, and I realize this morning that that's what this is. It doesn't happen when Mason needs something like going to an appointment, or needing a drink thickened. It's when he is perfectly happy and content, that it comes on, and I shut myself out. But someday I'll be able to feel again without being afraid of the next heartache, or the next medical scare.

I don't know where I was going with this, exactly. It started as a post about what I'm grateful for, and took a turn for the worst. Sometimes my hands take over and type what's truly in my mind. Sometimes I just need to type it all out and I feel better. We'll see.

Up, Up, and Away

2010-12-13T01:16:00.000-07:00

I've always identified with art in very personal ways. First it was music that I identified with, singing my soul out to the likes of Mariah Carey, Lauren Hill, and--for a time--the Backstreet Boys. Later, poetry and acting got the best of me, though I would have died before I admitted it to anyone but my mom. It wasn't "cool," but I enjoyed it well enough. I even wrote a few poems of my own, which are horrible, and will never be unearthed.

After high school, my taste in music and performances became more refined, and I now have very specific preferences for each. For instance: I love ballet, but not the opera. Riveting, I know.

When Mason was born, I began to develop an eye for the art of photography. I never understood it before. I was so taken by it that I am now a photographer. My favorite things is when someone (myself, especially) can clearly capture emotions and relationships on camera. It makes my heart skip a beat when I come across pictures like that, even if I'm not the one who took the picture.

And that has opened the door to something that I never thought I would like: paintings. Maybe it was just because of a bad experience in art class, but I have never much liked paintings. I never liked anything by Van Goh or Da Vinci, and even the famous Mona Lisa wasn't anything special in my eyes.

But lately, I have begun to see the beauty in painting. I am amazed when I see a painting that can capture feelings, and emotions, and relationships, and I sometimes feel my heart skip a beat, too.

Three paintings have done this to me because of specific emotions they brought out at the different stages of my life that I came across them. They are all by the same artist: Katie M. Berggren, and--not surprisingly--they all have a mother and her child. :)

The first was this, titled A Light In The Dark:

And oh, if anything could capture the love and joy my son brought when he was born, it is this. I found this painting and this artist years after Mason was born, but this brought back that entire first year, and the feeling of finding my calling in life.

Next was Spirit Soaring:

First seen last year, it always reminds me of the purely happy days I have had with my son, constantly on an adventure, soaring towards the future.

And now there is this, tittled Up, Up, and Away:

I find it ironic that I first saw it just before Mason was diagnosed with cancer. Also ironic, is the fact that Mason will soon be bald, like the child in this painting. But I loved it then, and I love it even more now. For me, the emotions of love, protectiveness, and peace, all make an appearance. I see a boy who is at peace in his mom's lap, who feels safe and comfortable. And I see a mom who loves her son, and wants to protect him from the trials he will face, as they go up, up, and away.

I am truly awe-struck by these paintings, and they will always remind me of these times in my life. What a talent to have, to be able to paint these emotions on a blank canvas! What a talent to be able to paint something that others can identify with!

Simply beautiful.

See Katie M. Berggren's website, or buy her artwork on Etsy.

Lessons Learned

2010-12-02T15:26:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to post today, especially since I already posted on Mason's tumor blog. I don't want to suddenly overwhelm everyone with posts. Especially another one like this. But after this happened, I had to blog about it and get my feelings out...it was too long for a short FB update.

As Mason and I were getting ready to go to the library today, I was going through the usual pre-library lecture:

We aren't loud in libraries.
You can get books, but you have to pick them one at a time.
If you come to the library, you can't get bored immediately after you have all you books. You have to wait until I have my books too.
And if you get tired again, I am not holding you. You're too heavy to carry around the entire libra--

That's where I stopped. That's where the past five months of library visits clicked, and I realized my mistake.

Mason wouldn't be tired this time. He would be able to walk from the car to the front doors without asking me to hold him. He may even make it all the way down the stairs without begging and pleading for me to pick him up and carry him everywhere.

Why?

Because his tumor is no longer holding all his major nerves captive, or putting constant pressure against his brain.

After this summer, I hated taking Mason to the library. I dreaded it. Avoided it whenever possible. He would beg to come with me, and then get tired after five minutes of being there. He would pick ten of the heaviest children's books they carry, hand them to me, and beg and plead for me to carry him and his books around. Because he was tired. Because he was bored. Because he had a headache.

After a few times, I wouldn't hold him anymore.

Next, I told him he couldn't come to the library if he couldn't walk like a big boy.

And eventually, I wouldn't even take him with me.

And all that time, his little body was struggling to win a fight against cancer, with no help, no medicines; no one to tell him it was okay to be tired all the time.

What a terrible mother I've been.

I know I can't change the past, but I wish there was nothing for me to want to change. I wish I had been more understanding, and then this lecture I had been giving him wouldn't seem so terrible. The words themselves fell like a poison I've been telling him for the past five months.

I feel so bad for this poor boy.

We're on our way to the library right now. And if he wants to be loud, or to leave, or even to be held the whole time...well, I've learned my lesson once. That's all it takes.

I Heart Faces: Scenic B&W

2010-11-30T11:43:00.000-07:00

This week's theme over at I Heart Faces is Scenic B&W. I wasn't going to enter, due to everything that's goin on right now, but I saw the theme, and this picture immediately came to my mind:

I picked it because I LOVE the place it was taken at, and I love this kid! It was taken at a family get together there this past summer, on a hill at my grandpa's ranch. My nephew and his dog were just having the best time walking through the tall grass, not paying attention to anyone else. They were doing their own thing, out in the great outdoors with more hills behind them, and just seemed right there in their element. I had to take the picture.

Good luck to the other entrants! Don't forget to go see more of the awesome entries at I heart Faces!

Gratitude

2010-11-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

I usually don't take part in the traditional gratitude blog post. I'm not sure why, but I never really feel like I can add anything else to what others have already said. But this year, there is no way I can go without one. I have so many things to be grateful for! But I warn you, that due to certain recent events, this gets pretty personal. Feel free to stop reading at any time. You have my permission.

I am grateful for God and his goodness. I am grateful for his love and direction in my life. I am grateful for his plan, which--I see now--is infinite in its nature...he's been planning my life since long before I was born!

I am grateful for blessings and miracles.

I am grateful for every breath my son still takes.

I am grateful for medicine, science, and education, and research, that allows my son to be given the most up-to-date care available.

I am grateful for my family, immediate and extended. I am grateful for their love, support, understanding, and friendship. I am grateful for being sent into the BEST family possible!

I am grateful for mothers--my own, myself, and others.

I am grateful for fathers--my own, and others.

I am grateful for family gatherings, and the welcoming of my aunt and uncle into their home.

I am grateful for the priesthood, and those who hold it, blessing the lives of those around them.

I am grateful for being able to live in this day and age, with so many comforts and needs readily available.

I am grateful for my grandpa, and his constant presence on my life.

And yes, I am grateful for my trials--even now--which allow me to grow and be blessed in ways I never thought possible.

My prayers have been answered, although in a way I never expected. And I am grateful.

P.S. You can read updates about Mason HERE.

Perception, And People in Hallways

2010-11-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

I used to walk down the hallways of hospitals, and see mothers or fathers pushing their child in a wheelchair, and pulling an IV rack behind them. I would always smile at the child, noticing first the the many cords and tubes connecting them to the IV rack, and then their gender or hair color. As I passed by, I would feel a sadness in my heart for that child, who had obviously been dealing with whatever condition they had for their whole life.

After all, things that limiting didn't just happen anytime. They happened at birth, and were dealt with and accepted by early childhood. The parents always knew they would be the ones pulling an IV rack behind them. The child always knew he/she would be confined to a bed and connected to a machine. They always knew what lay ahead for their child. It was the norm for them. They always knew.

Oh, how could I be so wrong?

I walk down the halls of the hospital now, and wonder how long it has been since this or that person has found out something terrible about their child. I see parents standing at bedsides and wonder how soon before that moment, their world came crashing down. How much warning did they have that something was wrong? Was it enough to prepare themselves? Is it ever enough?

I sit and think about what their future will look like. Will their child recover? Will he/she lose simple, basic, body functions, like the ability to swallow? What toll will this have on their child?

I wonder these things, because I don't know them for myself.

Mason is recovering quickly, yes...but there are still many things that can go wrong. At the moment, he is having a hard time swallowing food, and may have to have a feeding tube inserted. If his body can't regulate the extra fluid in his brain, he will have to have a permanent shunt...among other things.

Life in the hospital is hard for him. His characteristic strong will has been broken, and he has resorted to outright begging and pleading when anyone comes near with a needle, or something that looks like it may hurt. He has nightmares about being poked with a needle, or being held (stuck in bed). He's losing trust in my comforting since it is never "alright," as I say it will be.

And after all this; after all this scary pain and discomfort, there is still the Chemo and Radiation therapy to get through. And after that, there is the chance that it may return...or that it may not completely go away.

And the hardest part is that this was not expected. This was not planned for, or made known ahead of time. This has not been going on since birth. This was sudden; so sudden, that I had no idea of the enormous amount of things I should have prepared him for as I said goodbye in the surgery area; all the pain he should expect, and the changes in body regulation; that he would have to wear a diaper, even though he is a "big boy."

I am now that mother pushing my son in a wheelchair, pulling an IV rack behind as we walk down the hallway. I never knew. I have been so naive.

Thank goodness he is resilient. I hope it's enough.

Update!

2010-11-05T10:17:00.001-06:00

Mason has been out of surgery since last night, and is doing very well! I have been thinking over and over of how to put all that we have experienced into a post, but kept coming up with nothing. There is no way it would all fit. There is no way I can even express it all. There is just too much, and a lot of it is very dear and personal.

In a nutshell: the fact is that we have received a miracle.

The neurosurgeon told us before the surgery, that he was almost certain he wouldn't get all of the tumor out. He wasn't really sure they would even get enough of it out to call it successful. But he would keep going for as long as it took. Chances looked grim, and I felt my world closing in around me as I prepared myself for the worst news I could possibly hear.

At the time of the surgery, I felt a peace come over me. I did not worry (which is completely out of character), and allowed myself to hope for good news. But the news I heard was more than I could even imagine. The tumor--I am told--grew in such a way that it pushed his brain open and created a pathway for the surgeon to get deeper into his brain than they normally would have. They were able to remove what they believe to be about 95% of the tumor! And although he probably won't receive his hearing back, the surgeon was successful in uncovering the many delicate nerves and veins that the tumor had held captive, except for one (which is the other 5%). They are calling it a success.

I know it is a miracle.

The road ahead will be long and arduous, but I have little fears about what lies ahead. Mason is a trooper, and is already recovering remarkably fast. Even in his pain, he keeps his sweet disposition; asking politely for things he wants, and being lulled to sleep by nothing other than Thomas the Train, played continually all night.

This boy is blessed, and I am even more blessed to be his mommy!

November 4th, 2010

2010-11-04T06:51:00.000-06:00

This morning finds me sitting in a rolling chair, amidst cords, machines, and monotonous beeping. The walls are made of glass, with curtains used as coverings. The room next door is playing lullabies, and I've been watching the light show on the ceiling off-and-on since yesterday. I'm tired, drained, and exhausted. But this post isn't about me.

It's about Mason.

He's only just gone to sleep a few hours ago, fighting it in every way humanly possible. First, there were the innocent requests to play games; generously brought to him by his thoughtful cousins, there was no shortage of possible activities. Next, it was the requests for movies; of which he would change his mind many times, on what he wanted to watch before the opening act was through. Then came the crying.

He wanted to go home.

He missed his family.

He missed his grandma.

He wanted his grandma to come take him home.

Hospitals are not fun.

It wasn't long after the crying that he fell asleep. And I couldn't help myself. I crawled into the hospital bed with him and fell asleep. It may be the last time I sleep with my son. It may not. I won't know until the 6-12+ hour surgery is over. Oh, the possibilities of outcomes I could come up with in just 6 hours. I haven't been letting myself think of anything close to that. It wouldn't be good.

He's awake, now, and is very thirsty. And hungry. But he can't eat or drink anything because he's having surgery at 10:00. Even though he's tired, grouchy, and angry for waking up still in the hospital, he is still my sweet Mason, telling the nurse in a sweet voice: "It's okay," when she says sorry for having to wake him up early. His breathing had been consistently shallow.

And now he sits, not quite content, but pacified (for now) at the prospect of watching Mickey Mouse on the TV. And I can't help but think of how different my life will be from this point on...how different his life will be from this point on. I feel selfish, taking the time to write this while he's obviously awake. But I need something to do besides cry, because that's the mood I am in this morning.

You see, my son; my sweet, playful son, has a brain tumor the size of (or bigger than) a golf ball...and it's growing fast, expanding and stretching its reckless self in every cavity, and through every vein and nerve it can. It's starting to make its way down his neck, blocking fluid, and expanding his vertebrae in the process. This thing is ugly. And it picked my son.

I don't know the name of the tumor. In his wisdom, the neurosurgeon withheld that information from all of us, saying he knew we would just drive ourselves crazy researching it on the internet. Funny how he knew that; he said the words as I was thinking of the search terms I would type, in my head. He isn't too sure if he knows what it is anyway. It could be malignant or benign; they have no idea. They just know it's aggressive. So, our information is limited to what I have typed above, until after the 6+ hour surgery. By then, a decision will have been made in the operating room, and I will have had no part in it. I can only trust that my son is in good hands.

I may post more when the surgery is done. But in all honesty, that depends entirely on the outcome.

3 Steps to Journaling {for the rest of us}

2010-10-31T17:05:00.000-06:00

I've gotten a lot of comments on my blog and in person about my last post and my 5 journals, and how I keep them all. I now feel the need to come clean. I don't really "keep" them, at all. The truth is, I have never been the kind of person who could remember to write in a journal every night. This is evidenced by this blog, which has been neglected for months.

When I decided that I really wanted to make an effort to keep a journal, I knew some things had to change. Because I knew I would never write every single day, I made a way for me to be able to write less, but end up with more.

So here is the system I came up with, and it works perfectly...for me, at least.

1.) Have a different journal for every category you write about.

This mostly has to do with me being obsessive compulsive about my journals. I hated having one page written about how angry I was at something, and then the next page being about what cute thing my son had just done. Things kept clashing like that, and it really bothered me.

I also felt that if I was writing about something, then I had to write about everything. If I just wanted to write about something cute my son did, then I would have to write about that whole day, and everything that I missed writing about in between entries. This made me less likely to write at all.

So I divided my journaling into 5 categories, and bought a journal for each one:

1: Personal

This is basically my journal for keeping up to date on things that happen in my life, any plans I want to make, and rants and raves.

2: Spiritual

My favorite, and most used journal. It's really helped with me staying focused on what's really important.

3: Mason

Anything I want him to know or remember about his youth; anything I don't want to forget. When I write in this one, I write to him in the future, because I plan to give it to him when he's older.

4: Books

A huge list of all the books I have ever read, the dates I finished them, and if I liked them or not. I also mark which ones are my absolute favorites.

5: Computer

I have a journaling software on my computer, and it is amazing! I basically use this one for writing in whenever I am too tired to pick up a pen and write. I also use it to keep my dream journal, when I have a cool dream, just because I always forget them soon after I wake up, and I can type faster than I can write.

Your categories could be anything. Just make sure they fit your life. :)

2.) Set a day aside each week that is just for writing in journals, and write in at least one.

Pick a day to write, and keep it consistent. If you always know what day you are going to write on, it is easier to set aside time to do it.

I made Sunday my journal day, because it is always the day that I am the most free, and I am guaranteed time to write. But I don't write in them all. Sometimes I have nothing to say. But I always write in at least one of them.

3.) Write when you feel like it.

Once you are writing on that one day each week, you don't have to write in your journals any more than that. But things will come up every once-in-a-while that you'll want to write about. Go ahead and do it. Pick the journal it applies to, and write about it. But since the journal has a specific theme, you won't have to write about everything else, too...unless you want to.

Now, start journaling!!

Memories

2010-10-17T16:44:00.001-06:00

GASP! I know, I'm posting. Shocker, right? This has been on my mind lately, and I needed to post it:

Photography has opened my eyes up to a lot of things. One of the most prevalent, is that of memories. I like memories.

I crave memories.

When I was a little girl, I couldn't fathom how I would ever be able to forget the events of each day. Each day had such a strong importance in my life, that I just knew I would remember every moment.

As an adult, I can't fathom how I would ever be able to remember the events of each day. Each day still has such a strong importance in my life, that I just know I would never remember every moment...and I cherish each moment; each smile that comes from my son's face, and each time he tells me why I am "the best mommy in the whole world." I am busy, forgetful, and worst of all, selfish to the point of micro-focusing on my own needs. These memories slip by quickly. I hate that.

But things are changing. Photography is changing them. There's something about capturing the way a person's laugh lights up their face that makes me tremendously happy. There's something about capturing my family on camera, that makes me want to capture it in every way possible. That's where the memory craves come in; old and new. I want to always remember the days "back then," and I never want to forget today.

This year, although I haven't been blogging much lately, I have still been preserving memories by way of journals (which I currently have 5 that I keep), photography, my parent's life stories, a family blog dedicated to newsletters my grandma wrote, and collecting memories of my grandfather for something special.

This is not for me alone. I do this so I can show my children (current and future) how I see the world through my lens, and to tell them that they're not alone in their struggles through my journals. I want them to know how amazing their ancestors were, and what their sacrifices have given all of us.

When I started each one they seemed like huge, time-consuming endeavors. I wasn't sure I would keep up with any of them. But somehow, I have found time for each one. They're important to me, and (I hope) will one day be important to my children.

And so to everyone who has helped, is helping, or will help, in making, collecting, and keeping memories: thank you. I love you. You're in my memories!

Today I am 22

2010-07-29T01:41:00.000-06:00

Today I am 22. Years old.

It isn't the year I graduate from college.
It isn't the year I serve a mission.
It isn't the year I move to a different state.
This is not the year I get married for the first time.
Nor is this the year I get drafted into the WNBA.

I have not traveled the world.
I have never left this country.
I haven't been on a cruise.
There was no graduate celebration road trip.
I do not have my own car.
Or house.
Or boat.

I am not rich.
Not even close.

In this 22nd year of my life, I am forced to realize that absolutely none of my childhood dreams have come true. Not. a. single. one.

My life isn't what it was supposed to be. But somehow it is better. Let's look at this again:

This is the year I received a four-year degree in motherhood.
This is the year I became my own personal mission.
This is the year I fell in love with my state.
And learned the true meaning of marriage (for future reference).
And was drafted as a photographer.

Books are now the world.
...and I have been to many countries.
Cruises are not important.
30 miles is a road trip.
I have a car when I need it.
My family is my house.
My faith is my boat.

I have money for the things I need.
I am close to my Heavenly Father.

Today I am 22. And I see that perspective is a funny thing.

The S'more files (+ the Salmon Bake)

2010-07-08T13:59:00.000-06:00

I am SOOOO behind on posts, photos, and just about everything else! I swear, these past two weeks have been the busiest of my life, and yet I have never had so much free time! Ugh. I think I'm making more work for myself than I need to. But even though they're unforgivably late, here are my photos from this weekend!

This weekend was the annual Salmon Bake, put on by the boy scouts of Malad, Idaho. Those involved cook salmon over hot coals at the city park, and serve dinner for the community. My grandpa has been in charge of this ever since it started a few (3? 4?) years ago, and we go up every year for some good old fashioned fun. And it gets better and better every year.

But the best part is yet to come. Tradition is that after the salmon bake, the hot coals (which sit in a trough, on a trailer, connected to my grandpa's truck) are brought back to the house for marshmallow roasting and S'more eating.

Unsure how to make a S'more? First, let me gasp!
Okay, now allow me to enlighten you...our style:

First, you need a trough full of hot coals. Got it? Okay, now you need a marshmallow and a roasting stick.

Put the three together and roast it.

It usually tastes the best after it's been rolled around in the coals a bit. ;)

Grab a piece of chocolate, and put both on a graham cracker.

Smoosh it. ♥

This is a S'more.

Enjoy.

...and you're welcome.

(Here is a demonstration of the S'more+Creamie effect)

Thanks, grandpa!! We had the best weekend!

Review: The Iron Daughter by Julie Kagawa

2010-07-06T23:01:00.001-06:00

The Iron Daughter, by Julie Kagawa
To be released August 1st, 2010

From Amazon:
Half Summer faery princess, half human, Meghan has never fit in anywhere. Deserted by the Winter prince she thought loved her, she is prisoner to the Winter faery queen. As war looms between Summer and Winter, Meghan knows that the real danger comes from the Iron fey—ironbound faeries that only she and her absent prince have seen. But no one believes her.
Worse, Meghan's own fey powers have been cut off. She's stuck in Faery with only her wits for help. Trusting anyone would be foolish. Trusting a seeming traitor could be deadly. But even as she grows a backbone of iron, Meghan can't help but hear the whispers of longing in her all-too-human heart.

*I know I haven't review the book that comes before this one (The Iron King), but stick with me and I will review it. If you haven't read the Iron King, there may be possible spoilers in this review!

My Summary:
Picking up where the last book left off, Meghan goes with Ash back to the Winter court, as promised. Once they get there, however, Ash makes it clear to her that he wants nothing to do with her. Now alone, and as Queen Mab's captive, she's heartbroken. Until she finds out the truth...about everybody.

Ash, Meghan, and Puck make a reluctant team in search of a valuable item that was stolen from the Winter court. With the Summer court blamed for the item's disappearance, they must find it before both courts go to war.

My Thoughts:
This book picks up where the last one left off: Meghan goes with Ash back to the Winter court, as promised. And yes, you read the synopsis right...she's deserted! But do read on, because it only gets better.

This book was definitely better than the first book, The Iron King. In the first book, Ash's attraction to Meghan seems to come from nowhere. In this book, however, his actions are all true to character and the drama unfolds as he once again becomes the icy prince we all know. Seeing him in his natural element was definitely interesting, and helped to build his character.

Meghan also grew as a character in this book, and I think Julie Kagawa definitely brought out some major characterization skills with her. She seemed to grow a little more mature, and able to handle things.

So, was it good? Overall, this was definitely a great read. Although I liked the first book, I honestly loved this one. There are less swear words, more characterization, more drama, more adventure, and a good ending.They make unlikely alliances, and find out a good share of dirty little secrets. My kind of book. :)

~~These two books could stand on their own, but I'd LOVE to see if there will be a third book coming out.~~

*Edit: Yes, there will be a third! It is set to be released Feb. 2011! Also, if you want something to read in between now, and August, Julie Kagawa has a free downloadable novella on her website, called Winter's Passage. It's a short novella about what happens on the trip to the Winter court, and it's available until July 31st! I just read it, and it's good stuff! Download it here.

Oh, and in case you're wondering.....TEAM ASH!!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.

Thanks Netgalley, and Harlequin Teen, for the opportunity to read The Iron Daughter.

A Visit From the Jungle Boys

2010-06-29T16:26:00.000-06:00

My nephew slept over.

My dad and brother took him and Mason fishing. They were gone most of the day.

When my mom and I pulled into the driveway later, we were greeted by what I like to call: the jungle boys:

Our first sight was of the oldest (you can probably call him the "influence"), painted with mud.

Next came the nephew (we'll call him the "howler"), excitement apparent on his face, teeth ready to chew through human flesh.

And last came the littlest (let's just call him the "naked one"), displaying his mud-designs with honor, on his naked jungle canvas. He didn't like it too much when he was made to put on a pull-up.

From then on out, it was nothing but displays of ferocity, and manhood.

In Retrospect, I Should Have Just Relaxed a Little

2010-06-27T19:22:00.000-06:00

I have been (and still am) without a laptop for the past 24 hours. I left it at my grandpa's house, in Idaho when we went up to visit. And until now, I never realized how fully dependent I am upon my laptop! For a while, I had no way to view, edit, or post, the hundreds of pictures I took this weekend, no way to check my email, no way to Google the answers to the many questions I have during the day, or to find the number of a local shop, no way to find out if my son's rash was due to the heat, or some other illness, and most annoying: no way to blog, Facebook, or Tweet my frustration about this!!

I was basically born into the digital age, since I can remember playing Bricks, and Oregon Trail on computers as early as the third grade...maybe even the second grade, but I can't be too sure we had the computer lab that year. Either way, it is definitely a new age, and access to information that once took hours to find, is now neatly organized on a search engine's database. Connections are made every day by people worlds apart. Families are updated almost instantly on the status of their members, although it has become less formal, and more abrupt. It is a sweet age, but bitter at the same time.

The lure of the internet is strong. So strong, that I think I might have died if my mom hadn't let me borrow her laptop for a while. My excuse to myself, was that I had very important information that I needed. And I needed it right then. It couldn't wait just one day, when I would then have my laptop back. No. The fact that I didn't have access, made the need to get access seem even more important.

When all was said and done, and I got the "very important information," it dawned on me that I had just had a very good excuse to be free of the fast-paced digital connections for a day.

And I didn't even use it.

BBQ Utensil Set Winner!

2010-06-24T10:39:00.001-06:00

Thank you to everyone who entered! Random.org has picked the winner:

Congratulations to comment #2, Rachel Crisman!

Look for an email in your inbox! :)

Don't You Wish You Knew my Little Brother, Too?

2010-06-21T00:59:00.000-06:00

My sweet little brother--who at the age of 14, still kisses our mother goodbye, regardless of whether his friends are watching or not--decided to make something for his sisters and mother. While on a hike last week, he gathered flowers in each of our favorite colors, and brought them home. Here, he pressed them, and then laminated them into bookmarks for each of us.

Purple for my mother, Red for my oldest sister, yellow for my other sister, and for me, tiny purple and white flowers, since my favorite color is green.

I have realized that I don't talk about my little brother very much. For the longest time, we didn't get along at all. I remember a time when he was younger, and followed me around a lot. He talked to me and we played together. Then I went to high school and was too cool to play with a little kid. I think he hated me for that. We didn't get along much after that. In fact, it wasn't until just this past year, that we could even be in the same room together without arguing. Mature of me, I know. But old habits die hard.

Now, I am constantly amazed at this boy, who is as cool and "in" as any other boy his age, yet he is thoughtful, caring, and perceptive towards those he knows and loves. He is attuned to everything that goes on in our family, and he actually cares, and tries to help whenever he can. I'm pretty sure I didn't care about a thing other than myself when I was 14. But he does.

Having grown up in our family, this boy is a mixture of old and new. He likes all things old and vintage, and all things new and shiny. He watches and enjoys old westerns, old classics, and new movies, too. He LOVES the History channel. He will sit and listen to stories of our ancestors, and then go home and talk about how amazing the stories were. He carries an iPod just about everywhere, along with his ukulele. He taught himself how to play in less than a month.

He dresses to his own liking, wearing big shirts, long athletic shorts, and long socks that come up to his knees. But he doesn't care how he dresses; only how clean he is. He showers a couple times a day, and will only wear clothes if he's sure they have been washed.

Despite this, he loves the outdoors. He still explores outside whenever he can. He loves to go hiking. He loves anything that will get him outdoors...meaning he also loves sports. He is currently conditioning with the football team he wants to play for next year, and has plans to wrestle, too. But as soon as he finds a team for boys his age, he really wants to play rugby.

...and he still isn't too cool to play with his niece and nephews.

*sigh.* This started out as a post to show off the bookmarks he made, and now I'm talking too much. But I can't just write about one side of my little brother. I have write about it all.

I love this kid!

P.S. We get along just fine, now. In fact, he even hugged me goodbye the other day. Apparently, he's not too cool to hug his sister, either. :)

Let's Pretend I'm a College Student For a Moment

2010-06-17T15:04:00.000-06:00

In this scenario, I pick up my friend Mandy, and head to the grocery store. We buy toppings for pizza, and ice cream and raspberries for desert.

We head over to our friend Melissa's house to make the pizza. She's made a delicious crust, and we add our toppings before cooking.

After we eat, Mandy makes a sauce from fresh raspberries, and we put it over the ice cream. Not to self: make this EVERY NIGHT!

Also included in this scenario: having a good time.

Later, we'll go watch Letters to Juliet...because we're impulsive like that. Yah.

We'll shed some tears, and then come out of the theater bursting with uncontrollable laughter. It will be way too late for sanity to kick in.

Eventually, the laughter will wear off, and we'll each head home.

When I get home, laundry will wait piled in the corner, my to-do list waiting on the desk, items to be crossed off....

Scenario over.

Thanks for a great time yesterday, Melissa and Mandy!

The Secret's Out! Plus, Orem Summerfest Pics. 2010

2010-06-14T14:21:00.001-06:00

I made a mistake last week on my photography blog. I typed my son's real name in the post, and posted it for all to see. Gasp! I know. I didn't realize my mistake until the next day, after people had already seen it, commented, etc..
I hyperventilated for a couple minutes, and then I thought: "what the heck?"The secret's out, and it's not such a big deal after all. I've gone back and forth for the past year, deciding if I was going to start calling him by his real name on my blog, or not. I've read just about everything out there about the pros and cons. And now, with the help of own mistake, my decision is made.

My son's name is Mason, y'all. And I've made the switch. :)

Now that that's over, here are some pics. from this weekend. Mason and I (I love that I can say that now) went to the Orem Summerfest both days it was on, and stayed through the rain showers and freezing weather. Gotta love this Utah weather.

Mason loved the rides, and went on them over, and over, and over. We did rides in the first few hours of opening on both days, so luckily there were barely any lines.

He got to sit in a firetruck, and a helicopter. He was so scared and so shy, it took a few tries to get him to go in either of them. But he did end up liking the firetruck. The helicopter? Not so much.

He also got golf lessons from a police officer.

Later that evening, we went to the parade. Mase has been talking about parades since January, but we haven't been able to go to any before this. He was super excited, but so shy that anytime someone came near to give him free stuff, he ran back to me. Poor kid.

His favorite part was the dog walkers, who went past with about 20 dogs (which I didn't get a picture of). My favorite was the Pirate Pizza float, with "Jack Sparrow" as the caption (which I did get pictures of).

It was a fun weekend! We also went to my sister's rugby game, and ended up getting soaked by the freak rain shower! Mase, of course, LOVED it!

CLOSED CSN Giveaway: Mr. Bar-B-Q 18 Piece Rubber Grip Wood Handle Set

2010-06-13T18:21:00.003-06:00

*This giveaway is now closed. See the winner HERE.*

This giveaway is offered by CSN Stores; a Boston-based company that works to bring over 200 stores to the web, offering everything from platform beds, to pet products (and just about everything in between).

CSN Stores is generously offering one of my readers a Mr. Bar-B-Q 18 Piece Rubber Grip Wood Handle Set:

The set includes: "4-In-1" spatula, tongs, fork, knife, basting brush, grill brush, 8 corn holders and 4 large stainless steel steak knives.

This is perfect for summer barbecues! :)

*Giveaway is now closed*
Want to win the 18 Piece Set?

Just visit one of the 200+ CSN Stores, and leave a link here to the product page of an item you like.

Extra Entries:
Please leave each entry in a separate comment.

1 entry: What is your favorite summer barbecue item? You don't need to include the recipe, just the name...although I would LOVE a recipe, too! :)

1 entry: Follow my blog through email, rss feed, or Google friend connect.

2 entries: Tweet about this giveaway, and leave a link to your tweet. This can be done once per day. Don't forget to comment twice for each tweet!

This giveaway is open to residents of the US and Canada.

Please include an email address in your first entry, or have one visible somewhere on your blog.

*Giveaway Closed*

~~This giveaway closes Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010 at 11:59 pm MST.~~
~~The winner will be picked using random.org, and will be announced on June 24th.~~
Item will be packaged and shipped to the winner by CSN. To be fair to all participants, the winner will have three days (72 hours) to respond, or another winner will be chosen.

Good luck!

"T" Parties, and the Impossible

2010-06-10T22:48:00.005-06:00

In which I did the impossible:

I got Monkey to let me take pictures of him!

And they're good.

And all it took was me going on a walk with him. We walked around our neighborhood and stopped at interesting places to take photos...and he let me take them. A walk is all it took. Who would have known?

Want to know the best part? We had SO much fun!

On our walk, we ended up at a business close to our house. My friends and I used to go there when we were little to get sodas from their machine. I had forgotten all about it! When we got close to the shop, Monkey's eyes lit up, and he ran around the corner to the machine; he had been taken there last year with his uncle, and remembered it. It's funny how such a seemingly small thing can be so cool to little eyes!

I still can't believe the thing works! It's been there for at least 12 years! Ahh, the memories it brings back. :)

We both got orange sodas, and continued our walk. I took Monkey on paths that I usually don't take him. He was a little explorer, discovering our neighborhood all over again. Afterward, we went home to find pizza waiting for us. Yum!

In which we go to a "T" party:

Earlier today, we went to the library for the Mad Hatter's "T" Party that they hosted. It was pretty cool! I brought my camera, so I could practice taking pictures indoors on manual mode without a flash, so I got some pictures...but they are pretty bad as far as light and composition goes. But that's not what you're looking at them for, right? :)

This was Monkey's favorite part: The looking glass.

They had The Balloon Guy, who made giant mushrooms, characters, a tea set, and even a house out of balloons, which were stationed around the library wing. During the program, the Mad Hatter came around with a teapot and handed out "T". So cute!

The Mad Hatter, and "little Alice."

Tweedledee & Tweedledum.

The program was entertaining and pretty funny. Monkey had fun for about 3/4 of it, and then was ready to go...I'm still struggling with getting him to just. sit. still! We'll see how he does at the pirate-themed party next week...

Thanks for reading! Keep looking back in the next few days; the Orem Summerfest starts tomorrow, and you can bet I'll be blogging about that!

*You can see more pictures from today's walk on my photo blog, HERE.

Emma Pillsbury Goes to the Beach

2010-06-09T16:07:00.001-06:00

Okay, so lately I have been ~~crazily~~ just a little obsessed with the blog: What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear (WWEPW). It's no small secret that I am a huge fan of Glee, and Emma is probably one of my favorite characters. I love the way she dresses. Her cardigans and statement jewelery? So awesome!

Anyways, WWEPW held a fashion challenge recently, and the theme was Funky Swimsuits. The idea was to come up with an outfit and accessories for Emma, if she were to spend a day at the beach. You can see all of the entries here, but below is my favorite:

Braving the Sand & Sea by bowsandbeaux featuring Hoss Intropia bags

I'm loving that swimsuit. And those shorts! The bow is definitely Emma-worthy.

I didn't see the challenge until just today, when the post was already up...but I went ahead and made a few of my own outfits, anyway:

Emma Pillsbury Goes to the Beach by PenelopeL featuring Vitamin A swimwear

Emma Pillsbury Goes to the Beach by PenelopeL featuring Juicy Couture

Emma Pillsbury Goes to the Beach by PenelopeL featuring Lilly Pulitzer tops

I spent the last hour playing around in Polyvore (which, by the way, I never knew existed). I think I have found a new toy. Thanks for the fun idea, WWEPW!

*Check out the photos I took while on the I Heart Faces Photo Walk Across America! Click here.

Review: The Mermaid's Mirror by L.K. Madigan

2010-05-28T22:30:00.001-06:00

From the Cover:

Lena has lived her whole life near the beach – walking for miles up and down the shore and breathing the salty air, swimming in the cold water, and watching the surfers rule the waves – the problem is, she’s spent her whole life just watching.
As her sixteenth birthday approaches, Lena vows she will no longer watch from the sand: she will learn to surf. But her father – a former surfer himself – refuses to allow her to take lessons. After a near drowning in his past, he can’t bear to let Lena take up the risky sport. Yet something lures Lena to the water … an ancient, powerful magic. One morning Lena catches sight of this magic: a beautiful woman – with a silvery tail. Nothing will keep Lena from seeking the mermaid, not even the dangerous waves at Magic Crescent Cove. And soon … what she sees in the mermaid’s mirror will change her life.

My Thoughts:

I am SO glad I was able to review this book! If you plan to spend a day at the beach reading, this is the book you want to take. And if, like me, you're in the middle of cold weather, it will bring a fresh sea breeze to your mind. It's chock full of beaches, surfing, underwater scenery, mystery, and of course mermaids.

I think Madigan did a wonderful job writing this book. I liked that she sometimes used texts and IMs as a form of communication, which really brought it into today's world. The songs and poems were interesting, and added value to the story. And the mermaids! Well, you'll just have to read it for yourself to find out about them. :)

I liked the main character, and loved following along as she tried to solve the mystery behind her father's surfing accident. I didn't care too much for her boyfriend, though. Sometimes he seemed a little too perky, and at other times, a little too pressing on the "let's be alone together" begging. I'm all for hot, tempting guys, but a few of his lines made him sound like a bit of a jerk to me.

Aside from that this was a fun adventure, and although the book can stand on it's own, I find myself hoping for a sequel (please, L.K. Madigan?!).

The book releases later this year, so check it out! I recommend it if you're looking for a fun read, like the sea, and believe in mermaids!

Content: A few suggestive phrases, and some kissing.

My Rating: 4 stars

I was able to review this book thanks to netGalley, and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Memories, Courtesy of my Cell Phone

2010-05-21T00:03:00.000-06:00

Okay, it's been a while since I've updated my blog. I wanted to do an update post, but then I got caught up looking through old pictures from my phone's camera, and decided to post some of them here.

This is a recipe card (obviously). Monkey decorated it all on his own one night, and gave it to me to use while cooking. He colored it, and then attached the "special ingredients" (beads) to the sticky part at the top. I sat it on my nightstand, because I loved looking at it. Well, it lasted about a week before my pillow knocked it over, and the beads scattered everywhere. When Monkey saw it, he said he couldn't fix the same recipe twice, and crumpled it up.

Poor guy. I loved it, too.

This is Monkey's version of solitaire. He spent weeks last winter, studying my dad play solitaire, and then started playing it himself.

(Click to enlarge)

I forgot that I had taken a picture of this. It's a shirt I saw at Walmart one day, and I cracked up laughing. I love the "50 inch rims."

Hungry yet? This is my brother and sister, when we went to eat at Buca di Bepo's. We each ordered our own deserts that night, and got a huge surprise when these giant things came. Apparently "family-size portions" for the food, also translates into the same-sized portions for the desert....

I cracked up when I saw this again. I forgot about this day! My uncle and I took my little brother shopping for a snowboarding jacket (his Christmas present from me). We wandered into this store and he started trying on a bunch of hats.

This one was a surprise, because I didn't take this picture. It makes my heart race just looking at it, because that little boy is my son, and that huge expanse of white snow he's standing on--I'm pretty sure it's the lake. I don't remember him going there with anyone this winter, and when I asked my brother (who I think took the picture) if he was walking on the ice, his response was a smirk. What I don't know can't kill me, right?

The ice-walker, himself, taken just yesterday.

My friend and I, playing around last November, just before our midnight showing of New Moon started.

Oh, and I took this picture a few months ago when I got glasses. They're just for reading. But do they make me look smart? :)

I'm a true bookworm, now...reading glasses and all.

Last, but not least: my sister, my son, and I, sometime last fall. :)