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Ed Negron's Daily Motivation 2-28-2012

2012-02-28T05:57:00.001-06:00

Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Today's Gift

The weariest night, the longest day, sooner or later must perforce come to an end. —Baroness Orczy

The difficult spells in our lives come to an end. And no matter the depth of our disturbance, we will survive. We forget that the depths teach us how to better appreciate the heights.

Sorrow heightens joy. Depression heightens laughter. We wouldn't know the joys and laughter were it not for the sorrows. In them we learn to be patient, waiting for the wisdom which will light our way. In them we learn to listen for the guidance that beckons us forth.

We must reflect on the troubling experiences we've passed through of late. They made us wiser; they gave us strength. They changed us, moving us ever closer to the person, whole and happy, we desire to be.

Difficulties often precede enlightenment. They pull us inward, perhaps push us to search for our connectedness to our Higher Power, a connectedness that is at home in our hearts. The paradox is that these painful periods strengthen our oneness with the Spirit.

If the day looks bleak, I will accept it as a hand reaching toward me, to pull me forward, to secure my place in the spiritual family.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey©

Read more Daily Motivations at http://thework-in.blogspot.com/

Porn Flicks or Virtual Coliseum?

2012-02-27T16:00:00.004-06:00

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by John-Manuel Andriote

Pornographers are aroused and growling over a new Los Angeles law that will require adult film actors to wear condoms in sex acts well known to be high-risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

The filmmakers call the new law "government overreach."

They argue that monthly HIV tests should be sufficient to prevent the virus from slipping into the mix of fluids splashing about the set and unwittingly infecting an actor while on the job.

The Los Angeles Times reported that companies are threatening to move out of the city, taking with them as many as 20,000 jobs for actors, makeup artists, camera crews, caterers, and the abundance of talent and services that makes L.A. a magnet for movie makers of all sorts.

The Los Angeles City Council passed the law, which takes effect March 5, after reports of actors becoming infected with HIV while pursuing their line of work.

Former adult film actor Derrick Burts, who tested HIV-positive in 2010 and was told he was infected by a fellow performer, was quoted in the Times as saying, "It's a broken system that they have in place. What performer wouldn't want to feel more safe on a work set?" Burts backs mandatory condoms.

Filmmakers argue that requiring actors to use condoms will hurt their sales. "The viewers out there don't want to see movies with condoms," Steven A. Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment told the newspaper.

Since the early AIDS years, HIV-prevention educators have argued that porn can play an important role in modeling and eroticizing safer sex -- or, to the contrary, reinforcing the idea that only "bare" sex is real sex.

The Times quoted Michael Weinstein, president of Los-Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation, as saying, "The fact that porn sends out a message that the only type of sex that's hot is unsafe ... we think that's detrimental."

AHF has lobbied the city since 2010 to require condoms in the adult movies made there.

The L.A. public health department in 2010 estimated that condoms and other protection are used in fewer than 20 percent of hardcore heterosexual pornography.

The department also reported that adult film workers are 10 times more likely to be infected with an STD than a non-adult-film worker.

"Unlike Hollywood films where there is sex or violence that is simulated," Weinstein said in an email, "in porn, real actors are being infected with real STDs, and the audience knows it.

Therefore, they are thinking that the hottest guys do it raw and only geeks use condoms."

In the early years of AIDS, gay pornographers who wanted to sell movies understood the influence that their products can have in shaping not only the sexual fantasies but the actual behavior of gay men.

The late Chuck Holmes, founder and president of industry giant Falcon Studios, told me in a 1995 interview, "No responsible gay erotica producers would ever make a decision [not to use condoms].

They'd be drummed out of the business because the models wouldn't talk to them, the distributors wouldn't touch it."

Times have changed. By the middle of the past decade, an increasing number of gay erotica producers were not only making "bareback" movies, but they felt no responsibility whatsoever to their actors -- or their audience.

Read the rest

Old Is the New Black; BDSM, the New Gay

2012-02-27T14:00:00.002-06:00

via HuffPost Gay Voice, by Eric Schaeffer

Being human is sublime. The ability to reason and feel emotion definitely blows my skirt up and makes me grateful The Great Spirits chose to birth my breath into this particular animal form.

Sadly, though, there is a serious downside to this intellect-emotion body: ego. The notion of separateness. And the ego seems passionately devoted to pounding that delusion of separateness into our hearts and minds so that we hate anyone who is not like us because we fear their difference will be our downfall, when, in fact, the opposite is true.

Other people's wonderfully unique nuances are our soul's education and light source. They are our uprising, not our undoing.

But the hate bully born from the fearful voices of our friends, parents, schools, media, and spiritual teachers, who are terrified of not being accepted for who they are and what they feel, has historically body and mind-snatched our higher internal judgment and convinced us there are a right people and a wrong people. A people to love and a people to hate.

It needs to end once and for all, because as of now, we are merely transferring the baton from one ridiculed group to the next every so often, absolving ourselves of inaction by doing so, and claiming evolution of equality and tolerance when, in fact, that is a lie and we are comfortably dying from the cancer at the source which remains untreated and more ferocious than ever.

PAST CHAMPIONS

As if black people and homosexuals had not been mistreated enough by the bigoted fascists of our country over the past 200 years, recently they had to endure the penultimate blow.

No longer being the number one most hated peoples. (Non-criminal, of course.)

For blacks, this crushing blow was memorialized in the autumn of 2008. When polled, a vast majority of Americans said they would rather vote for, as president of our country, the most powerful person in the world, a young black man (who was even accused of being a Muslim sympathizer, and in our world accused means guilty, especially with young black men) than an old white man, who happened to also be an established, well-liked war hero.

That signified the changing of the hate guard in the most absolute terms.

At that moment, the major news organizations, the truth makers, had announced loud and clear; old is the new black.

I remember it well. I was on a sit-down bike at the gym and the sadness was palpable. It was as if the hum of the workout machines was replaced by the sound of tears being shed by the nation's black people, devastated they were no longer at the top of the sociopath's "most reviled" heap.

But wait, what was that noise that seemed to be supplanting the ocean of black sadness? Gay cheers? Gay people all over the country were wildly expressing their joy at the promise of soon taking over the number one spot of hatred by America's ignorant.

Old people, while valiant in their attempt to retain their new crown, would be too weak to fight off the tidal wave of support for the new impending kings of the lowest: homosexuals.

And so it came to pass. As quickly as the white-hairs rose to power was as quickly as they retreated back to their bingo games, replaced by the gays.

But, alas, the past three years has been good to the gays -- which has made their tenure fragile, and ripe for hostile takeover. Ever more acceptance by the mainstream, evidenced by the passage of gay marriage, integration of openly gay co-workers, family members, friends, entertainment stars, and gay-themed TV and movie successes have all conspired to put the gays one solid far-right-cross away from a TKO.

And, sadly, the weight of the gay successes has been too much to bear and while they have fought bravely, they have finally succumbed.

Homosexuals are no longer the anti-Christs. That prestigious honor now resides with a new rising star that has seemingly come out of nowhere: BDSM.

Read the rest

Egg, Banana, and Coconut: Are Gays More Racist?

2012-02-27T12:06:00.000-06:00

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Marten Weber

Anyone following the hype over U.S. basketball star Jeremy Lin will have observed the thick layer of racism lying ponderously over the media.

One not-so-witty journalist rightly lost his job over the headline "Chink in the Armor," after Jeremy's recent setback, but the public statements of some athletes and the reactions in the press showed that race still matters, and racism is yet a fact of life.

As a hopeless (or hopeful?) sentimentalist, I like to think that there exists a global community of gay men and women who, in the face of discrimination and prejudice, all love and respect each other regardless of skin color, a worldwide brother- and sisterhood with common interests, similar outlooks on life, and shared values. Yeah, right!

How deluded this idea is was brought home to me during last year's visits to several American and European cities.

Almost every major metropolis with a gay scene has separate bars for Asians, and even for Asian-lovers, both of which have to endure a plethora of derogatory denominations, from "rice queen" to "potato queen" and a whole lot of edibles in between. (Do you know what a banana is? How about an egg or yolk? Or a coconut? Don't ask!)

A look at online profiles will bring the same disheartening revelation: the gay world is full of narrow-minded, bigoted racists.

Prowlers proudly pin their racism and prejudices on their profiles: the favorite "no fems, no chubs, no Asians!" reminds me of the old "no dogs or Chinese" store signs of pre-war Shanghai, and I shudder.

On my U.K. book tour in the lovely city of Manchester, we listened to natives explaining why Poles were good for a hot one-night stand (no pun there, I was assured), but not really boyfriend material; why one should always avoid Arabs and Turks ("they smell and lie"), and that Asians -- no offense to my husband, or indeed to me -- were only suitable for old queens or really ugly guys. "They are only after your money anyway."

The amount of racial affinity is staggering. Even in big metropolises like Madrid and Milan, we counted far more profiles of young men looking for men who were "alike" in age, looks, and muscle development than we found explicit interest in otherness and delight in racial difference.

The more subtle date-seekers qualify their predilections with the moronic "no offense, it's just my taste."

The author Andrew Holleran described the gay world as a social melting pot, the gay disco that most democratic of institutions, where construction workers meet lawyers on equal terms.

Apparently they do mingle, as long as the both share approximately the same genetic makeup. No Moroccan construction workers for that Danish lawyer, please.

As a biracial couple, we are especially attuned to such attitudes. My Asian husband tends to like or dislike cities by the number of friends we make on social apps -- thus Boston is better than Los Angeles, and Berlin better than London.

We made a test and changed his app picture to show only his torso. His dedication to healthy cuisine was rewarded by a whopping 143 Hi!s in half an hour!

Of those, 140 disappeared or blocked him when shown his -- and you must believe me here -- absolutely gorgeous Asian face. I won't tell you which city, but we ain't gonna visit there again, I tell you.

Go through any magazine in a Western bookstore or your local porn shop and you can count the number of ethnic cover boys on one hand. "Ethnic" is of course itself a Caucasian-centric term.

The fact that it, along with "Interracial," is a category on many websites is a sign of how far away we are from an equitable, accepting society in which the color of one's skin does not matter.

That Jeremy Lin has to be an Asian-American athlete rather than just an American basketball player is simply ludicrous.

To compare notes, we interviewed the owners of two straight dating website for this article, who told us that Asian men did not have a big following, whereas Asian women were fairly easy to match with desirous Caucasian husbands.

In general, the straight bars and pubs we surveyed had a higher percentage of racial diversity than any of the gay venues. In Asia, of course, Caucasian are invariably in high demand and are often treated better than their arrogance deserves. Perhaps because there are so few to go around? So is it racism or just a matter of supply and demand?

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Ed Negron's Daily Motivation 2-27-2012

2012-02-27T06:01:00.000-06:00

Monday, February 27, 2012

Today's Gift

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. —Walter Bagehot

Everyone knew Jacob was a bitter old hermit who hated people. He lived by himself in a cabin in the woods. He never came to town, never talked to anyone, and never put up a mailbox or put in a phone. But he had one thing the townsfolk wanted -- the very first Bible brought by a preacher when the town was first settled. They wanted it for their centennial celebration.

Little Tom listened as the townsfolk complained daily about how much they wanted the old book to put on display. One day, he walked on out to the little cabin and just asked the old man if he could borrow the book, just for a week. Imagine the surprise on the faces of the people when the boy wandered back to town with the old dusty book in hand.

Are we like the townspeople sometimes? Do we assume things won't work out without even trying? Sometimes help is there, just waiting to be asked. What have we got to lose?

What can I request today that I have been afraid to ask for?

From Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©

Read more Daily Motivations at http://thework-in.blogspot.com/

Ed Negron's Daily Motivation 2-24-2012

2012-02-24T06:12:00.000-06:00

Friday, February 24, 2011

Today's Gift

It doesn't happen all at once.... You become. It takes a long time. —Margery Williams

Our spiritual awakening is partly a process of becoming real. We're moving from the external controls of image and others' opinions to the internal controls of honesty, listening to our inner voice, and having true relationships. We are shedding the games that maintained our old style of life - "macho" or "hero" or "poor me."

In place of the old phony surface, we are developing a real relationship with ourselves. We are becoming more aware - of emotions, of need for rest, of violations of our values. Sometimes change comes in a flash of insight or a moment of sudden, piercing awareness, but more often it comes a little bit at a time. As we work the on ourselves, as we are true to our inner voice, as we keep returning to conscious contact with our Higher Power, as we get closer to our friends, we become more real to ourselves.

As I grow, I see that I was always real. I was just looking at the outside.

From Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men©

Read more Daily Motivations at http://thework-in.blogspot.com/

The Problem with the Gay Press

2012-02-23T16:00:00.002-06:00

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Logan Lynn

As individuals in a marginalized group, we are often all placed together into a single pot by society. In this case, I am referring to the queer pot (but this happens around race, gender, age, religion, class -- you name it).

All of us, as members of the LGBT community, with all our differences, have this one thing in common: we are the minority.

There is something about all of us that is unlike much of the rest of the world, and much of the rest of the world's reaction to that difference can be painful, isolating, and dangerous.

Frequently, members of the greater community become fixated on our sexuality or gender expression, and they try to lump us together, assign us roles within our designated letter of the acronym, and dehumanize us in the process.

One would hope this outer pressure would be enough to bring us together as LGBT people, that we would unite and become stronger in numbers and build a community so organized and powerful that our being a minority no longer mattered.

Sadly, this has not been my experience as a man-loving man, nor in my work with gay organizations, nor as an out artist in the entertainment industry.

Being a public figure in the queer community is tough. You have to have pretty thick skin to tolerate the external homophobia that comes at you as a result of increased visibility, but I think I was raised to expect this, so it's never a big shock when it happens.

I know the world wants to see me dead on some level, or at least see me stop being such a "goddamn fag," so it doesn't surprise me when that pressure arrives.

I recognize it coming a mile away and have learned methods of processing the external hate in such a way that it no longer hurts me. I have not, however, found or been able to develop a way of moving through the crab mentality of my own community without injury.

For those of you who have not heard this saying before, "crab mentality" (also known as "crabs in the barrel," or "crabs in the bucket") refers to the metaphor of a pot of live crabs about to be killed.

Individually, the crabs could escape from the pot without any trouble, but when they are all in the pot together, they grab at each other in a pointless domination game that prevents any of them from escaping, thus ensuring their collective demise.

When related to human behavior in social movements, the term is most commonly used in association with a short-sighted, non-constructive approach instead of a unified, long-term, productive mentality. As an openly gay musician, I have experienced this problem mostly via the gay press.

Certainly, I've received my fair share of nasty emails and messages from people online and in person over the 10-plus years I've been doing this, as well, but there's a distinctive sting that comes from someone in the queer media pulling me and my people back into the pot, and I believe that action trickles down into our culture and leaks out into our community consciousness from there.

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Why We Lie About Our Age

2012-02-23T14:00:00.000-06:00

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Robert Levithan

"If people knew my real age, I'd never work again." I have heard this plaint more than once. The last time was the day before yesterday, when talking about age with a vivacious, successful Brazilian friend. She doesn't dare tell the truth about her age.

Why do most people lie about their age? Because they think they have to. Our culture at large -- and our gay male culture, specifically -- embody ageism.

Young is good. Older is less good.

On Facebook few people put their year of birth. For online dating sites, not to mention hookup sites, there is such pressure to lie that those of us who tell the truth are odd men out.

When I post my age as 60, men think I'm somewhere between 64 and 75. Again, why do we lie about our age?

Ageism, yes. Internalized ageism, as well. Internalized prejudice is when we operate out of a learned prejudice about something we are: I have been exploring my own internalized homophobia, anti-Semitism, and AIDS-phobia, however subtle or overt, for years.

I lead workshops where we have looked at our internalized prejudice, such as racism, classism, and genderism.

How do we know when we are operating from internalized prejudice? When we try to "pass" without cause.

When we are living in the belief that what we are is less than what other people are; when we have bought into other people's prejudices (which do exist) and perceive danger even when it doesn't exist.

There are situations where honesty about my sexual orientation, my HIV status, or my religious heritage could get me killed.

I would lie or hide if my life were at stake. However, often I observe "passing" behavior when there is no danger.

Most of us will not suffer harm if we are honest about our sexuality or our age. We do, however, suffer psychically, from constant denial of the truth about who or what we.

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