Someone once told me that when you have two guitars nearby, and you pluck the E string on one guitar, it will resonate the same string on the other completely separate guitar. When i heard this, i thought it was like a perfect analogy for empathy. If someone pours out their emotions in a song, I can really feel it mirror in myself  like as though my heart-strings are vibrating to theirs. That is why something I appreciate more than most things in life is hearing people make music.

I’m careful not to use the word ‘perform’ because I think the best music are among new friends, spontaneous, wild, and they capture moments in life perfectly. It doesn’t even matter if you’re a good musician on not. Hearing someone musically express is a very humbling and honourable feeling because music is really, a powerful and underrated tool for sharing empathy. It’s just like the movie happy feet! Everyone has a song, they just need to discover theirs.

So I wanted to share some of the beautiful sounds on my adventures from last summer. Filming these moments is a really fun hobby of mine because of all the beautiful musicians that I’ve met along the way, and I carry little pieces of them everyone i go.

These are the kind of moments I love to collect.

love,

Fahmii.

I am admittedly confused with life but thats fine because i think it takes a confused person to find out some amazing truths. I’m excited to meet my university friends in the future after they’ve had the rug pull from under their feet because i think that is when they will realise their full potential!

Last summer was a confusing period for me. My mind had enough with all the unnecessary stresses that comes with being a student so i was full bent on this notion of ‘being  completely present’. I disliked how noisy life can be. Theres just a bombardment of stimulus in day to day life that it can be hard to completely engage with whats really in front of you. It’s one of the big reasons why I stopped blogging or carrying a phone.

I honestly think being completely present is the most addicting feeling in the world but talking about being present always presents itself as a subjective matter. A lot of people don’t  understand what it means to be completely present because maybe because they don’t know it any other way, or maybe they forgot how it felt. If i had to put it to words, i’d say It’s like looking through the eyes of a child.

I think this post is long enough so the next post will be about some of the overarching experiences i’ve had last summer. Watch this space.

love,

Fahmii.

On the winter on 2014, I started having this urge to go someplace cold, isolated and in a way, difficult. I felt like that was an experience that i needed to overcome for my own sense of growth so i decided that i must, go to Iceland that December. In hindsight, i think i what i really wanted was for the experience to mirror what i was experiencing in my mind. Maybe i was subconsciously manifesting my thoughts into real life?

One step forward, two steps back, every step of the way

Well, i had this optimistic idea of me and Lee hitchhiking around Iceland, seeing the northern lights, and experiencing the real harshness of winter. For someone who grew up on the equator and is generally quite new with this whole winter thing, it didn’t take long after we landed for me to realise how much i underestimated the things that the local people have to go through with everyday.

Proud moment teaching Lee how to dumpster dive!

There was a lot times when it felt like we were the only things alive. When we tried to find forested areas to camp, i realised that seeing a standing tree is usually more of a privilege than a fact of life, and when the temperatures drops to below -15c, you could feel parts of your body start to turn to ice as your body tries to keep your core warm.

Thank you candle for the false sense of security!

But we persevered anyway, sleeping in abandoned vans and gas stations and i realise that the number one reason for our survival was not my own abilities and strength, but rather it was from the kindness and hospitality of everyone we met along the way. Every single time when it just seems like too much, a helping hand always extends and helps up along the way on our journey. Every single time. And i can’t discount how much easier the whole thing was because i had Lee with me.

Through ice, snow and blizzard, we made it to the north of Iceland

And so we managed to beat the blizzard and found ourselves on an island called Hrisey.

On a frozen island, off the coast of northern Iceland, was a little town with a population of about 100, you would think that this would be a miserable place right? Well, i actually felt like the whole community warmed up my heart and in a cliché way, taught me the meaning of christmas.

The sense of community was such a juxtaposition to how barren and cold the place really is. We lived in the only restaurant on the island which was also a its only grocery store, as well as being the post office and a bed and breakfast! They offered us a home, treated us like family and expected very little in return. Everyone on the island was this nice that it’s something i usually think about when i wonder how little i need to be happy.

I have enough sunset pictures for a lifetime of #throwbackthursdays

So after the whole trip, and some time to think about it. I realised that my dream of completely removing myself from civilisation by living as a hermit would not only get me killed eventually, but I don’t think that’s a life worth living.

I love people too much and I love the exchange of love. When I pluck an apple off a tree and eat it i always get that feeling that mother nature will always take care of me but this love might just be an illusion of circumstance. This tropical boy only has always seen the earth as a provider, not a taker. Now I realise that the earth doesn’t directly care if i am alive or not. I am no special than the ant on the floor but that’s fine. I still believe that if we live in balance with our surrounding, then nature will give you all you need and take what you don’t. And plus now, I realised that a lot of my misplaced trust should actually be directed to humanity and the strength i get from people.

In total, we managed to hitchhike a total of at least 920km this trip. Special thanks to the wonderfully hospitable people living in iceland(they are not cold people at all!) anda giant thank you to my girlfriend Lee for going through hell and back with me.

love,

Fahmii.

Last year when i came back i told myself that i wanted to take the year off from travelling, to relax, collect my thoughts and simply be someplace peaceful where i can reflect and process all the amazing things that has happened.

house squad

So for the past year i’ve been sort of indulging in a lot of meditation! Being the scatterbrain that i am, Its a bit of a challenge to untangle my thoughts. It’s sort of like trying to follow a single shoelace among a ball of tangled shoes. It’s really noisy in there to be honest. But I’m learning a lot so it’s kind of fun.

For example, i used to think that i really sucked at art in general. I don’t know how to put ideas into paper so whenever i draw, its always a far cry to all the ideas in my head and its always a discouraging fact. So i tried to clear my mind and figure out why. Well eventually the more i got to know my my mind works, the more i realise that it’s because i’m doing art all wrong.

Give me a white piece of paper and i wont make a scratch. I become overwhelmed by the potential, but then i realise that if i work backwards, start with a noisy piece and start reducing it, i can actually start to form ideas that becomes more concrete as i go on. So in a way, as i start to reduce the creative potential, an underlying idea grows. It’s kind of hard to explain really, but i’ve been doing a lot of carving lately and i think it really compliments my thought process.

Writing is also another way for me to follow an idea to completion. I think it’s been about a year now since i stopped carrying a phone, and started carrying a pocket notebook. It helps me reduce my thoughts instead of grow them.

Anyway, I’ll end it here before i go off on a tangent. I realise that even writing this post i had to alway remind myself what i was talking about. haha. I’ll try to write a few posts about my reflection period before the i start the summer, and completely get lost in the throws of life.

love,

Fahmii.

From there we drove to france and i hitchhiked up to Calais where i hung out with a few refugees before catching a ride to london. I thought that going back to Bruhall meant back to this brunei mental isolation but no, i realise that that little isolation only happens if you believe it does. After i checked in i came across two people in the middle of the night, Dara and Fauzan who i connect very well with instantly and we went out the following evening and had really deep talks about life in general and we have a very intense circle of trust now. I realise that even i stereotype people and that is something i need to quit doing because there are amazing people literally everywhere. All you have to do is be compassionate.

From here on out i will start university so i’ll probably post even less frequent until i start travelling again. Cheers beautiful people. I love you all. Thank you.

Regards,

Fahmii

My first rainbow gathering was in Italy  so it was a welcome back home for me and i instantly fell in love with the high voltage energy of the people. Lots of shouting and hugging and drama and love. Felt very Italian haha. And since it was a smaller gathering with about less than a hundred people for most of the timeafter thefull moon party, it was literally like we were all a family.

I had some intense psychedelic experiences at the place i was staying which we called the ‘mountain of dreams’ and we had a few tarp and structures built and our camp/chai house was termed the shaman hut because it was sort of a place where you can watch the sunrise and reflect on the world at the end of a long night.
I had so many amazing experiences which has connected me with nature in italy. Feeling the hum of the earth, the heat of the sun, the songs of the trees and the incredible clouds for a few weeks have really made me humble about my position in this world.
I had this whole experience of seeing everything as energy and forces. The forces of nature and the universe, and more interestingly, the energies of every human being. Seeing the conflicts and interactions between our group of people, i realise that everyones personality is simply an external manifestation of their inner energies. Anger, helpfulness, timidity, loud, attention seeking. These are qualities that are caused by something in the past and when i had heart to heart conversations with these people, its easier to understand why and its allowed me to somehow become more empathetic and compassionate to everyone regardless of how they behave. As so eone who is very bad at picking up on body language for most of my life, learning to empathise to someones energy is really a big step for me personally.

There is still so much more about life that im confused with and that just means more adventures in the future in hopes of finding out.

Regards,

fahmii

Gemma asked them why they stopped in the first place and they said they were worried we were going to sneak into russia which was 40km away apparently. 

“We wanted to make sure youre not an illegal alien going into Russia to work”

Umm.. I had to process that at first. Its a bit insulting to be called an illegal immigrant but supposedly im an alien now. I can handle my kryptonite well thank you very much. 

We ended up getting to Riga a day after and it was kind of difficult because i wanted to be as present as i can but the girls loved to find wifi and zone out for an hour or two and it got a bit lonely sometimes even when we were camped at the beach of Latvia for a couple of nights.

After that we hitched back to Vilnius and stayed with one of my favorite travelling companions- Dalius. It was so refreshing to be with him and funny enough i was living at the rainbow with him for three weeks but his mindspace was somewhere else at the time. This time he was willing to talk and communicate and be my friend again. Our relationship is quite special for me because we dont really talk but we communicate through music.Imagine the intimate feeling of knowing someone very well after sex but you in this case we don’t connect through touch, but with resonating our feelings and energies into our voices and playing with different sounds. Its an odd concept to explain and ive tried to have this ‘music sex’ with other musicians but i havent managed to yet.

So after Vilnius i caught a ride from a rainbow sister, Adrienn to hungary and it was a challenging game of empathy and self reflection. Her, trying to be a being of empathy and me trying to be a tool of self reflection. It was difficult because she has a strong energy but she was stubborn and evangelistic whereas i am maleable and i simply just dont care. I wrote a page of adrienn quotes and at the end of the journey when we got to Budapest, i read them to her and observed her reaction. I love this feeling of being able to mirror a person and watching them reflect and grow from it.

Anyway, to end this post, Today i hitched near to the hungarian border of slovenia, and croatia and hopefully i can make it to Italy tomorrow before 4pm so i can catch a ride with sofia to the italian rainbow. Cheers beautiful people. Lots of love to my readers.

Regards,

Fahmii

I have recently left the rainbow and me and some sisters hitchhiked to latvia for no apparent reason. The destination was supposedly to go as far north as Tallin in Estonia but im deciding to maybe head back down to lithuania and then make my way to berlin and then Italy to catch a bit of the italian rainbow gathering there. Hopefully after i’ll make myself at home at Sofias house before hitching back to the UK. Nothing is set in stone yet though.

Regards,

Fahmii

I am in vilnius, lithuania right now staying at a rainbow sisters house. This is my first time being online since i was in berlin and its been a hectic week. I arrived at rainbow and it has been a very interesting period. This rainbow i’ve been learning a lot about connections and friendship but it has also been a very introvertive time. I’ve been immersing myself in the experience but my headspace is always in mars. 

Its also really nice to walk around the rainbow barefoot, covered in mud and naked.
Regards,
Fahmii

I couchsurfed at my old host on the first night and met up with Adin which was great. Seeing Adin made me realise how much we’ve changed in the past year. We wear different colors and clothes, we have new priorities and principles and we’ve acquired lots of new toys and skills.

Its super cool knowing i can still count on him after all this time. It means tavelling friendships does not have to be temporary.

After that, i met Jake, Ia and fluge who were heading to the rainbow as well so we joined up and formed a little unit. We got caught riding the train with no ticket and we peacefully protested by holding hands and just walking away even when they told us not to go haha. Then we met up with some other rainbow travellers until suddenly we had a group of 12 crammed into a three person tent in the rain. But i told jake “its always easier to find a rainbow when it rains” and half an hour later, a man on a bicycle came and jammed with us in our tent? He said of course he knew we were rainbow because no one else would be camped out in the park in the center of berlin playing music in the rain. He then invited us to stay at his apartment and it quickly turned into a rainbow house before you knew it and we had food circles and we spent our days chilling at parks and busking for money. We had stringed instruments, wind instruments, so many different types of percussions as well as jugglers, devil sticks, staff weilders, bowling pins, hula hoops and so many many more toys haha. We ended up with an open performance circus under the berlin tower and that was such an amazing experience to be a part of. I think it was a special time for all of us but alas, nothing lasts forever. The rainbow has already begun in lithuania and i am at a service station waiting patiently for a ride to go to Poland.

Regards,

Fahmii