Life is Kak Funny

The Bassist Theory

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:01:00 +0000

Alas, I reveal to you, The Bassist Theory.

Many of fallen for the bassist. We all have. I have more times than I would like to admit. It is not any of our faults. It is the bassist to blame.

My theory about bassists is generalized yet also based on fact and research. I don't care if I offend any bassists in this post as I feel this is valuable information to others who may be victim to whatever spell bassists cast on the naive.

- Bassists are (generally) assholes.
- They are the jocks of the bands.
- SOMETIMES, the resident stoner. (I added "sometimes" because I was recently proved otherwise)
- They have charm.
- They have rhythm...
- Their fingers...wow. *blush*
- They are players or flirts. (Usually in long term relationships but enjoys the attention on the side)
- Fun to be with but this won't last forever.
- Extremely passionate. Loves just as much as hates. Don't get on their bad side. Will get ugly.
- They are users. Especially the young bassists... Since their band is still trying to get somewhere, they usually don't have any cash. And uses yours.
- They are incredibly hot or has an underrated beauty, which is over-shadowed by the lead singer.
- WILL break your heart.

There is a word that comes to mind, "douche". But I won't say it...

You have been warned.

Why Nia feels like a cult.

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:59:00 +0000

In my pathetic attempt to find a new form of exercise, I decided to give Nia a shot.

I wish I did not. But happy I did none-the-less. It was absolutely the silliest thing I have ever done. A former friend told me that I will enjoy it because I like yoga. Another friend, told me it is hippie dancing.

Wrong and wrong. It is the amalgamation of praise worship, dancing like an idiot while making sex noises and shaking your hips like a raggedy bitch. Their philosophy is that you engage with your body blah blah blah.

Another off-putting factor is that the instructor uses a microphone. Makes screaming/chanting, "YES!" soooooo lame.

I must admit I did feel a little toned but still felt that that hour was a complete waste of my time.
Although I am quite spiritual by believing in energy and all that shit, I feel that Nia goes a bit far. Felt like I was in the Pray part of Eat.Pray.Love.

Namaste. Whatever.

Ps. I have thus reverted back to practicing yoga. Bitch.

Friday the 13th

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:42:00 +0000

Friday the 13th only means one thing to me... TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!

I am incredibly excited for a change. Going to be an epic week.

The day I fell of the bus, literally.

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:18:00 +0000

The devil's stead

So finally I have the balls to publicly announce one of the most kak day of my life (so far).

A few months ago, perhaps around August, I was lecturing at UCT. I was forced to take the Jammie Shuttle in order to get to my car, which was parked somewhere on Main Road.

Kids to understand my actions, I have to rewind to the morning Jammie trip...

I was forced to stand! What.. Yes, stand. Oh, the humiliation. Furthermore, I felt extremely claustrophobic and slightly dizzy. The cute jocks were obviously not studying chivary101 (probably BComm students).

The trip back I will NOT stand. Sigh, thank you Shakespeare for inspiring dramatically irony into my life.

For, on the return, I found my self... standing, right in the middle of the devil's stead. Only one thought went through my head, "Hells no! I need to get off this bus."

So, I did. Oh, I did.

Bull dozed my way through to the back of the bus. Tried to clear the steps, so that I can exit in the most lady-like fashion. But no...fresher girls do not understand what it means when someone screams "move!" Stupid raggedy, bitches. I carried on bulldozing, until I found myself on the pavement. *plop
The really sad thing about this incident, is that no-one offered help. I manage to get on a very empty bus 30minutes later and drive home.

Today, my ankle is still sore. And I am convinced it is because no-one brought me ice.

The difference between dirty and sexy lingerie

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 11:27:00 +0000

I honestly never knew the difference until yesterday when @kasmeer mentioned to my rather naive brain that there is in fact a difference between dirty and sexy lingerie.

I use to think 'dirty' is anything with lace and rather revealing. How wrong was I...

'Dirty' is apparently very S&M. In other words, Rihanna's entire lingerie collection.

In pictures,
SEXY LINGERIE

DIRTY LINGERIE

Skinny guys don't do it for me

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 07:58:00 +0000

I am sure I am not alone on this, skinny guys are just gross. Since when anorexic indie guys became sexy?

Mama needs something more to love than a bag of bones. MEAT.

When Googling an appropriate pic to accompany this inappropriate post, I stumbled upon this 9GAG sentiments to my thoughts (exactly).

NYE resolutions suck.

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 06:34:00 +0000

I honestly do not believe in New Year Resolutions. There is a greater chance of my believing in Narnia than stupid resolutions.

Let's start with people who make resolutions...oh fss. Let's judge for a moment, shall we?

People who make resolutions (that they never subconsciously follow through) regret their actions of previous years. How stupid is that! Life is already too short, and you get these idiots who go around regretting. Grow a pair, and get on with it.

I enjoy change just as much as the next person, but dude, if you want to change something about yourself that is kinda shitty then do it when it is appropriate- not during the festive season. We have enough bs going around.

I am no longer a lady when I am...

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 11:43:00 +0000

...playing Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit.

Profanity aka swear words aka bad words are generally not in my vocab. BUT when it comes to xbox racing, that is a whole other story. I become the Tony Montana of racers, "you #*¥€ with me, you #*¥€ with the best".

It appears that I have the worst road range- there is nothing more frustrating that a stupid Z4 cock-blocking your top speed and position. WTF! (calm down, Sana)

I hooked up with Al Pacino

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:14:00 +0000

Unfortunately this was only a dream. Can you blame me? There's something about the way he moves and aura around him that makes him so irresistible. I honestly only discovered this celebrity crush of mine when I woke up this morning.

The dream was amazing! One of the best nights ever! I used my magic powers to make him fall hopelessly in love with me. If only it was THAT easy.

This has been my second dream this month, where I hooked up with a guy over the age of 60. Friends are getting concerned. I wonder why.

I told my bro (a huge Scarface fan) vaguely about the dream. His only comment:

"Bitches love dangerous men. - true story"

And on that bomb shell...

Sweet dreams!

Every Pinky must be in need of a Brain

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 20:53:00 +0000

Ah, the classic 1993 animated series. Some things never changed. And since most of our philosophies are based on childhood memories, so is this one: every Pinky must be in need of a Brain.

To be perfectly honest, Brain wouldn't be anything without Pinky, really. Perhaps it is comparable measurement? Brain won't appear as clever without being able to be compared to the obvious stupidity component.

In Pinky's defense, I don't think he is stupid at all. His 'intelligence' is generally misconceived and over-shadowed by his counterpart. He is also very cute and useful for comic relief.

Back to the point, in any duo there is a Pinky and the Brain. Which one are you?

I'm Brain, obviously.

Wanted: A wing man

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:35:00 +0000

I am in need of a (new) wing man. If only Barney Stinson lived in Cape Town.

Applications are now opened.

Requirements:
- Must be awesome
- Must be familiar with The Bro Code
- Fanatic of The Big Bang theory, How I met you mother, Rugby and Star Wars.

I know.

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 20:30:00 +0000

So...one of the most epic moments in modern day cinema, is the moment when Han Solo says "I know". Please don't look at me like that, you are also a nerd. Anyways, here's a little convo I had with my friend, Ben a few minutes ago. (Bare in mind that I never seen him in weeks and currently injured- but that's for another blog).

Afsana: I wish u could come visit.. Hang out etc
Ben: I know.:)
Afsana: Lol
Afsana: You worst than Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back
Ben: Why
Afsana: Leia tells Han "I love you." He replies "I know"
Afsana: Such arrogance :P
Ben: Hahahaha thats me :)
Afsana: I know.

Ard Matthews is the new Ras - Video

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 20:04:00 +0000

This is beyond embarrassing. I do not know whether to laugh or cry- honestly, tearing slightly. Ard Matthews (Just Jinjer) pulled a Ras Dumisane earlier this evening at the Springbok Squad announcement.

Watch for yourself and let us know if this is KAK or KAK FUNNY or somewhere in between.

Where's the poop?

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 21:12:00 +0000

If are you not familiar with that term, I seriously recommend that you do your civil duty and watch season 6 of How I met you mother.

Def: "Where's the poop' refers to conversations where friends try to play match maker but omit the poop.

He/she's a great guy BUT...

I recently found myself at a table in Trenchtown trying to sell off an ex to a new friend. All she said was "where's the poop?"

I lol'd.

He's a sweet, caring guy BUT...
(He is too clingy)
But
(He is boring)
But
(He is not sociable)
But
(He is stuck in a dead end job)
But
(He drives a VW)
But
(He knows nothing about sport, music or tv)
But
(He is sweet and caring)

Okay, last one was not a 'but' but it may as well should be.
So...where's the poop?

CTRL + F5

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 15:25:00 +0000

'CTRL + F5' is my new catch phrase (thanks to my brother). When anything needs to me deleted and refreshed... CTRL + F5.

For those of you who are less than nerd, CTRL + F5 is the pc shortcut for a browser window to clear cache and refresh aka force refresh.

This also applies to relationships. Making that clean-cut break, CTRL (freaking) + F5. Best way when clicking 'refresh' just doesn't cut it.

Life however has no shortcuts but doesn't mean we can't try. When you need to start over (even a new little black book), simply, CTRL + F5.

Getting rid of the clutter

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 18:01:00 +0000

Saturday night. Me, in my office, organising...

I know, super fun. The thing is, I have been so busy that my desk slowly became a paper heap and I just couldn't take it anymore. I think my desk needs a 'safe word'- it can get quite rough here.

I am currently on my second movie whilst sorting out kak. 1st, Kill Bill 2 and 2nd, Dead Poets Society, which is one of my favourites.

Ahhh, seize the freaking day and remove the clutter.

Better flow. Like this.

Please Sir, don't spam me.

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 19:23:00 +0000

I am so over being spammed on bbm. Silly broadcast messages really does irritate me. It's rude to intrude a person's workday with information that is not important nor adds value to my life. That being sad, I do not intend any disrespect, simply honesty to allow a smoother lifestyle.

To all my spammers, please note my BBM terms and conditions:

Being part of my BBM list is a privilege, do not abuse it.

Do not chat to me when I have the 'do not disturb'. I am busy.

If you do spam me via a broadcast message, you will receive a strike. 3 strikes, you out.

Business chats is permissible, but emails are preferred. I like saying "Kind Regards".

Only contacts who are in regular conversation with me will be added. Self explanatory.

Do not tell me that my profile picture or status should be changed. If I wanted censorship, I would join CNN.

Sign here, here and here.

Happy chatting.

Kind Regards
Afsana

Is Mona Lisa gay?

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 13:07:00 +0000

Majority of the modern world's population often ponder whether Mona Lisa is smiling or not. However, there is one who ponders a more technical conundrum. His name is Ben and wants to know if Mona Lisa is gay "cos she kinda looks like a lesbian to me, to be honest."

Besides the stereotype of how a lesbian looks, he does have a point or rather a lack of a point because we don't have the faintness idea how we got to this subject topic.

We don't see the bottom half of Ms. Lisa. She could have been a transvestite, we would never know...

Some say that Leonardo Da Vinci was painting himself (in female form). Maybe he was like our Benjamin... He saw beauty in the mirror and consequentially wanted to "turn gay so he can do himself."

Workaholics Anonymous

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 20:54:00 +0000

Hi, I'm Afsana and I'm a workaholic.

It is not an excuse but who I am. It is not something or some ideal that I need to run away from. So, consequently, I embrace it like a fat girl at post-Easter Lindt bunnies sale.

Every 'after hours' hour I work, I gain one hypertheorical kilogram. And for every hour I sleep, I minus one kilogram (sometimes even a half).

Half glass full.

Sometime between sleeping and walking up, I work. Ever since I learnt HTML in the dungeons of UCT, I code in my sleep. When I told Dr Leah that I was coding, she exclaimed, 'WHAT?! You were dying?' Oops..forgot, med student. *rolls eyes* I may as well have been medically coding, except...I don't suppose dying is nearly as fun.

I love my job or rather, jobs. What do I do again? I have made a list.

- Entrepreneur (whatever that means)
- Creative Director
- Multimedia Designer
- Social Networking (for business reasons! Honest..)
- Blogger
- Band manager (I know, right!)
- Lecturer
- Sharks supporter

Everything I love. That's how it should be. The main reason I'm a workaholic, is because I love the work I'm doing.

I try to also live a balanced life. Making time to see friends, spending time with the family, garden, go fishing, watching Star Wars...

I read something quite profound at the Slow Lounge's wall at uShaka Airport, "Time wasted was time worth wasting".

One of my greatest fears is that I will someday turn into a Christmas movie, where the ghost of Christmas past/future comes to visit me, only to tell me that I am a doos. Hopefully my 'balanced lifestyle' bs will keep me sane.

Fingers crossed.

Breaking up on Facebook. The how to guide...

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 18:50:00 +0000

Breaking up with someone in real life is a daunting erm... 'Process'. To do it on Facebook (post-real life) break up probably worse than in the real world.

Our personal tabloid and documentary of our lives, Facebook is the portal for outside world. If you want avoid the whole debacle, I can show you how. No more 'oh no, what happened' bs under your 'blah is no longer in a relationship cos he/she got dumped like a bitch'.

Step 1: Hide your relationship status from the outside world.
Step 2: Go and edit your relationship status.
Step 3: Remove it from your news feed.

No condescending broken Facebook hearts.

Congratulations, you are digitally single.

2011 J&B Met

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 20:02:00 +0000

Theme: Larger than Life
Vibe: 6.5 out of 10

A week later, and the day still brings back bad memories and a whole lot of mixed emotions.

Note to self: Always go to these kind of events with a big group. Atleast 10 people, mostly friends.

I enjoy the buzz of a day at the races. Horses, heels, hats. The best kind of H's. Hosiery...interesting.

Somehow found myself submerged in it all. And believing that the Durban July was more...magical.

Besides the inevitable anti-climax, the most annoying thing of Kenilworth Race Course was the architectural omission of a freaking subway. So much of my life was wasted, on the 'wrong' side of the track. No pun intended.

Both my horses came out in the top 3 for the main race. If only I had taken the swinger.

At the end of the day, my dress/outfit kicked ass and that's all that matters.

Review - Evita the musical

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 22:04:00 +0000

Last Sunday, I went to watch Evita at Theatre on the Bay. The show was spectacularly directed by Pieter Toerien - who was sitting in the same row as us, just by the way.

I loved the stage direction. Mainly due to the revolving stage floor which I never seen before. But at times the stage seemed too busy. Although this may have been influenced by the typical Andrew Lloyd Webber rock n roll edge.

All the songs were beautifully executed. 'High Flying Adored' is and will always be my firm favourite in the soundtrack.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't too thrilled with the choice of the title role. I felt she had more bitch than girl next door attributes. 'Evita' suppose to be a mixture of both.

I guess Madonna raised the bar on that one.

For some reason, during the production I felt the urge to rush to Look&Listen to buy the movie Evita and watch it. Don't get me wrong, I love live musicals but this left me craving more. Perhaps that's a good thing.

This was my first time at Theatre on the Bay. Must say, it is a rather quaint little venue.

What is your favourite production or theatre? Evita has to be up there

The difference between love and hate.

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 22:33:00 +0000

Something. Anything. Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 22:21:00 +0000

Perhaps you can add that to the list of words with suffixes (sp?) that don't gel as well as Organics putty gel with me.

It could be something.
But if it's anything, it's probably a nothing.

-things is that illusive moment well after the first, fifth or tenth date. But hey, who's counting? Besides hearts and kisses, -things are the things that make us want and continuously analyse our lives.

Is it really worth it? Who knows. Sometimes I feel that -things are completely irrelevant and only designed to make you go Manson-crazy. Relax, let go and have some fun.

Floorless Heallip

noreply@blogger.com (Afsana Khan) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 21:40:00 +0000

Wtf? I know, right.
That's what I say every time I see this kakness which is 'SPAMBLOCK'.

I love how condescending some websites are and re-title it to 'The Human Test'.

Come here and I'll show you my 'human test'.

How do you cope with this? I need therapy.