Life Coach Mark

For Love & Money

2012-03-11T14:18:00.005-07:00

Know the Score
Many relationships are facing intense stress and anxiety over money issues. It seems that love and money have an important connection with couples. Perhaps your current relationship is feeling the impact of this connection now. How would you rate your relationship on a 1-10 love & money scale, where the first number is how loving and passionate your connection is and the second number is the degree to which you have mastered money concerns? For instance: a 10/10 would be the best of everything: you’re in intimate love and ecstatic passion with one another and you feel absolute financial certainty & freedom (where you don’t ever have to work, unless you want to, and you never have to worry about your bills being paid, since the steady returns from your secure and growing investments easily cover any expenses you could have).

Wouldn’t you guess that few of us could score such a 10/10 nirvana experience? This article is for the rest of us. Relationship is almost everything in life, since all of life is made up of relationship: with oneself, others, and one’s Source. Yet, money represents life force and investment of time and energy. In many ways we trade our life energy for money. So, we need to respect what goes in to making, protecting, and enjoying money and what it can do for others and us in the way of convenience, creativity, and contribution. So, what if I told you there are ways to improve in both love & money simultaneously?

Close the Gap
What makes us happy? Pleasure! Right (at least over the short-term)? Progress is what really makes us feel happy over the long term. In the love & money game of life, we have both practical and emotionally driven needs that must be met at high levels in order for us to feel like we are joyfully winning in a satisfying way. So, we shall look at both. To achieve progress in finances and relationship you must honestly know where you are, getting clear about where you want to be, and closing the gap between the two step-by-step. The gap gets reduced by removing what’s in the way, designing a workable plan, and taking proven action to hit your target. So, let’s take a look at what could be obstructing your passion and pocketbook, how to remove it, and how to use proven strategies that can realign your relationship with satisfying love and financial progress.

Give What They Need
Everyone has the emotional need for certainty, but one person in relationship may be more predominantly driven by it than another. How much of what you do, don’t do, or get anxious about, stems from your need to feel comfortable or stable (which are other ways to describe feeling certain)? Your need for certainty may be why you don’t change jobs, why you eat unhealthy “comfort” food, procrastinate, or watch way too much TV, none of which may be helping your bank account most effectively.

Each of us has different vehicles through which we meet our need for certainty. One may feel comfort from having a savings or retirement account; another may need to feel safe by having a particular level of income or type of job stability. Knowing what you and your partner need to feel comfortable is vital, because when you don’t feel certain enough, fear can dominate you and your passion will go out the window. Fear can bring difficulty to your communication, create disconnection, and threaten the very stability of your relationship. You may think, “The jerk doesn’t know how to communicate”, when in fact it may just be that he’s afraid. Understanding this can empower you to respond from compassion instead of reacting un-resourcefully. Then, together you will be in a better position to receive ideas, change perceptions, and take necessary or inspired action. As you do, watch how obstructing fears subside, passion increases, and creative ideas to improve your finances get acted on.

Each of us also has a need for loving connection, yet one partner could need this even more than their partner needs certainty. “We could be broke, but if I know we still love each other, I’ll be fine.” Sounds good on paper, but if the partner who has a dominant need for certainty feels out of control economically and thus withdraws affections, and the other partner primarily needs to feel loving connection but doesn’t, the relationship could become stressed to a breaking point over time.

One key to navigating such a love/money challenge is to seek to unselfishly give your partner what they most need, and to do it in a way that they resonate with. For example, provide the certainty they need by telling your mate that you will always be there for them and that you believe they have what it takes to work through their financial trials. In the other case, you might offer love & connection to your intimate other by getting out of your self-concern and giving them words of kindness, physical affection, thoughtful care and supportive actions. While this may not seem like it has much to do with money, consider the fact that studies have shown that sharing a passionate kiss with one’s honey before leaving for work has a considerable positive impact on the annual income of that household.

Having first sought to understand and meet your partner’s needs, it is also important to openly communicate what you need most, and it may be appropriate to ask for the help from both your partner and others. Partners that work together well can overcome huge things financially. In fact, abundance is ever-present. We just need to access it through positive expectation, willingness to bring unexpected & enthusiastic value to others (in ways that make them want more) and massive action using feedback along the way. You can read more about abundance, love, and money in my book, Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love., available on Barnes and Noble and www.BeingLove.net

Top-Selling Relationship Book Gives New Possibilities for Valentine's Day

2012-02-08T05:19:00.000-08:00

Top-Selling Relationship Book Gives New Possibilities for Valentine's Day

Check out the above link to see the article that went to 30,000 journalists, and to preview chapters from Being Love!

Trust: The Key to a Successful Relationship

2012-01-25T06:01:00.000-08:00

Joy and success in relationships are built on trust. Without trust, what’s really left? Certainly not fulfilling sex! Who and what you trust will have a great impact on the results of your intimate relationship and life. You can look at the quality of trust in your life from four different perspectives: How well you trust in your divine Source, how well you trust yourself, how well others trust you, and how well and wisely you trust others.

Trust the Supreme
Do you trust that a loving Power is caring for you and guiding you in every detail of your life? No doubt there is something beyond your mortal self and what you can see and touch—a divine Power that created everything and presently gives life to all things. You are included in the totality of this animating field of energy. The immensity of this Power and Presence ultimately governs the existence and movement of all things, including you. With this awareness, you have several choices each day. You can refuse to accept divine Love’s presence in your life, ignore or forget about it, or choose to progressively relax into it and be moved and blessed by it.

For a fresh approach, instead of thinking of God as an entity, it may be helpful for you to think in terms of qualities such as constancy, omnipotence, reliable Truth, comforting Love, all-knowing Mind, and eternal Life. Trust in such attributes is developed by seeking to understand, witness, and align with them.

Being able to actually trust the Presence is an amazing and wonderful feeling that stays with us always. One time I was saved while surfing in Hawaii during a severe storm by trusting in God’s care and protection for me. The powerful inter-island current shifted, and instead of being carried out to sea hundreds of miles, I was brought to land. Every time we shift from anxiety back into trust, our faith-capacity increases.

No matter what your intimate relationship looks like, you have the opportunity to know that you’re part of a much greater plan. Look for the bigger picture and seek to be part of the orchestration that is moving everyone involved, including you and your loved ones. In this way, you won’t have to make your problems and responsibilities bigger than Life itself, because they actually aren’t. Much like the mighty ocean currents, there is a divine flow that we can adjust to.

What we focus on, especially with emotional intensity, will tend to expand in our lives. By focusing on God’s infinitely powerful, tender nature and activity and living in alignment with principles of humility, truth, and love, we’ll tend to have less fear and doubt parading in front of us. We strengthen our trust in the Presence by making It our focus and priority. It is our spiritual design to trust Spirit, and it is the most natural thing to do when the ego- or fear-dominated obstructions to this trust are reduced or removed.

Divinity’s nature includes gentle kindness, tender compassion, powerful strength, constant discipline, perfect timing, abundant care, infinite goodness, spontaneous creativity, and so much more. Appreciate and embody these qualities and thereby overcome fear and confusion, while you expand the certainty of your trust in the Supreme.

Trust Yourself
Do you really trust yourself to follow through and keep promises with yourself? Do you stick to your values? Do you believe in your own empowered word to declare something and have it occur? You strengthen trust in yourself when you keep your word, have good motives, and live honestly. Say what you mean, do what you say, and then watch self-doubt subside and self-confidence rise. Having pure motives will also foster an untainted heart—the kind of heart that feels easy to trust.

Your inner voice will become clearer when it is not obstructed with motives, words, and actions that try to deceive others. We can fool some of the people some of the time, but we can never really fool ourselves in the long run. We know at a core level whether we’re practicing integrity. If there is any doubt, ask such questions as, “Was there a more honest way to say that?” “Was my motive unselfish?” or “Will I be glad I did this a year from now or at the end of my life?” Life is like an onion skin—there are a lot more layers of honesty than we think before we get to the pearl (progressive freedom and joy).

By everything you think, feel, say, or do, you’re contributing to either an atmosphere of trust or mistrust. When you know what to do and then do something else, you’ll likely feel weaker mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually.

Principles of integrity and self-trust apply equally to every area of life—spiritual practices, eating habits, exercise, education, workplace, and relationships. Ask yourself if your desired quality of relationship is worth enough for you to strengthen your self-trust. If yes, then go for it!

Do Others Trust You?
President Abraham Lincoln once rejected a man named as a potential cabinet member. When an aide asked why, Lincoln simply replied that he did not like the way the man looked. Being shocked, the aide stated that a man is not responsible for his appearance. Lincoln corrected him by saying that every man over the age of forty is responsible for the way he looks. Perhaps Lincoln sensed that a man’s face reflects his trustworthiness after years of motives, choices, and actions. Do you possess the qualities, motives, and actions that others can rely on? Are you loyal and believable? Does the way your face looks and the energy you broadcast create confidence in others? Do they move people toward love or fear?

The fact is that in the minds of others, you’re either trustworthy or not. There is no “kind of trustworthy.” If you’re up for the challenge, ask three people you know best how trustworthy they think you are on a scale of one to ten. Then, if you really feel bold, ask a couple of people who don’t like you very much or who aren’t close to you. Also ask why they feel the way they do and what you’d need to do differently to make your score a ten. The answers these people give you could be radically revealing. Others watch how you walk your talk and how you live your core values. They see if you do the hard or unselfish thing when you could take an easy way out. They (including children) even see you when you think they’re not watching. Is your life an example or a warning? No matter what you’ve done up until now, what will you do with the time you have left?

Your character is broadcasting a particular frequency level of trust. Ultimately, you are the one who creates the experience of trust that others give you by the quality of character you have, the motives you entertain, the states of being you display, and the choices you make. Who you have become is what others trust or mistrust. Hopefully this is encouraging to you. George Washington, the first one to be entrusted with the highest office in America, considered the most enviable of titles to be that of an “honest man.” What do you consider to be most worth going for in your life?

Trusting Others
Do others easily take advantage of you, or do you even know what makes them trustworthy or not? We don’t always see things as they are; we tend to see things as we are. Everyone sees life from her own perspective. The drug dealer thinks most people are into drugs or are criminals. The college professor believes that most people are or should be motivated by learning. The soccer mom believes that parents should actively support their kids’ interests. People who are trustworthy tend to believe that most others are too. People who are not trustworthy tend to believe that most others aren’t. Each perspective comes with benefits and costs, because not everyone we think is trustworthy actually is. But, to assume that nobody can be trusted would make for a very limited experience.

Inner wisdom will let you know whom you should not trust, if you give heed to the warning signs rather than ignore them. Think about painful relationship experiences in your past. Didn’t you receive caution flags before the emotionally climatic events? Right now you probably have new signals about with whom you should be in a relationship and from whom you need to separate. The important question is this: are you willing to separate from those you should, regardless of how invested you are with them? If a man tells you about some real estate business deals where he has stretched the line to make extra money, why should you trust his interactions with you? Given similar circumstances where he thinks he can secretly gain something at your expense, he might try the same type of thing with you!

You know people by their energy, motives, actions, communication, relationships with others, priorities, contributions, and experiences with you. Do they help build up and heal others, or do they impact them negatively? Do they find value and meaning in the same things you do? Do they support the best within you, or do they tear you down passively or aggressively? If you are a sovereign adult, you’re the one who gets to decide who to have relationships with, including your own relatives. Trust your pure insights; they can lead and protect you much more than you may realize.

Sometimes a limiting belief or untrue concept may keep you from trusting others, and this may have a hidden cost. Thoughts of past relationships may hold you back from exploring new opportunities. If you believe that all men cheat or that all women are needy, then you will operate your life on something that is simply not true. There are millions of men who don’t cheat and millions of women who are beautifully selfless givers. With your limiting beliefs, you will get to have your own private world where the beliefs are true for you. The question is: do such beliefs truly serve you and others? Do they allow you to live an abundant life filled with unlimited possibilities and amazing experiences?

There are times when we’re called by Spirit to trust others more. You may have someone in your life that, seen in the correct light, now deserves your trust. If you are looking for closer relationships, you’ll need to develop a deeper sense of trust and allow others to step into their greatness around you. This may include your willingness to open up and not be so afraid of getting hurt. Because we each operate based on our own values and rules, occasionally we let people down, and they let us down. Perhaps we need to get over it, revise our rules, and give others another opportunity to shine. Ask for their confidence, and give them yours one wise step at a time. Then check in honestly with the new results.

In my new book, Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love (available on Amazon or www.LifeCoachMark.com, you can read more about how day presents you with growth opportunities to trust Divinity, trust yourself, wisely trust others, and expand trustworthiness in your progressive pathway to personal freedom and infinite Love.

Listening For Intimacy

2011-11-15T04:23:00.000-08:00

Several years ago a woman called me to get some help on her marriage. After a couple of sessions her husband agreed to come for couples coaching. On the calls it seemed like neither partner practiced listening to the other one effectively. Because of this, neither one felt understood, so conflict seemed to be the way they showed each other that their needs were going unmet. I asked them questions, such as: “Do you know what makes him feel disrespected? Did you ever ask her what she most wants or needs from you? Do you know why it’s important for her to talk about her work?” These questions allowed the couple to access their own inner wisdom, and they realized how much better they could listen to and understand one another. Over a period of several weeks they began to hear and feel one another again, and this simple shift was enough to save their marriage.

Deep listening is an amazing gift to give, and it carries with it a powerful benefit—heartfelt connection. The root of communication means to commune, to be at one with another. One of the most satisfying things about being in a conscious relationship is that we can both speak and feel understood.

In conversation, do you perceive another’s pain, desires, needs, and values? Do you regularly hold a space for others to express their thoughts and emotions or help them discover their truth and inner guidance? If you do, you are likely supporting them toward a greater sense of meaning, love, and healing. People who feel listened to are more willing to be vulnerable, which invites deeper levels of honesty, sharing, and intimacy.

How would you rate the mastery of your listening ability on a scale from one to ten? Have you recently brought tears of love to another just because you made them feel understood? If not, let’s look at a few aspects that can support your listening skills and quality of relationships.

Listen with Presence
To be an outstanding listener, we must give the other person our full attention and interest as if nothing else but him or her matters at that moment. If you would rather be somewhere else or with someone else, the other person will energetically feel it at some level and in that degree disconnect from you. Distracted listening fosters frustration, disrespect, and confusion. Your loving consideration can make that person feel significant, help him to get clear, allow him to connect to his emotions, and discover what he truly believes, values, desires, and fears. Such awareness can allow him to make more workable choices.
Do others feel your love when you are listening? If not, try listening with every cell in your body and not just with your ears. Don’t just hear the words but feel them with your heart or better yet with your entire body as if it was a sponge soaking up the expressions of another.

Listen for Essence
Although it’s extremely important to accurately hear the content of what someone says to us, it is often significantly more important to receive the essence of what’s being said. Essence includes, but is not limited to, the silence between the words; tone of voice, inflection, and genuineness; repeated or emphasized ideas; emotions; why something is being said; and what’s being left out. Essence is around, underneath, and inside the energy of the words.

When your heart is open, you’ll perceive what is being expressed at the heart of another’s words. Seek to understand the feelings, beliefs, needs, fears, pain, and yearnings of the ones you care about. When you perceive that someone is trying to communicate more than he is saying, if appropriate, be willing to ask questions that help to clarify your knowingness. “What I sense you are getting at is …” or “What else do you feel about that?” Then allow the other person the space to discover and reveal deeper levels of his heart and mind. How many times in relationship have you argued with someone about one thing, and when you stopped and truly listened, you realized that it wasn’t even the real issue? Instead of making assumptions as if you already know what the other person is thinking and what their motives and needs are, simply ask.

It will also help you to be aware of the context surrounding another’s words. His context includes the location and conditions from where he is speaking (airport, bedroom, car, with company, etc.) as well as what has gone on or is going on in his life (he started a new relationship, is moving or switching jobs, or has an ill mother). Context and emotion greatly impact what’s actually being shared and why. If you get people’s context and motivation, they’ll feel moved by the way you pay attention.

Ask Powerful Questions
Here are some questions to ask in order to more fully understand the heart of your child, partner, friend, relative, or coworker:

1. What is most important to him right now?
2. What does she yearn for or dream about?
3. What inspires or energizes him, and what takes his energy away?
4. What is her greatest fear, pain, or wound?
5. Why is he experiencing the emotions he is?
6. What allows her to feel safe, and what causes her to close down?
7. What is his pattern when he is scared, tired, or overwhelmed?
8. What restores her, makes her feel easier, or brings her peace?
9. What is his communication style (i.e., visual, auditory, and/or kinesthetic)?
10. What makes her feel most loved (words of appreciation, gifts, quality time given to them, touch, understanding)?

Finally, have fun listening! The quality of your energy is the most important thing you give in communication. You can read about other aspects of listening in my new book: Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

5 Ways to Find More Certainty

2011-07-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

Things are changing faster than anytime in history, and the world seems filled with uncertainty. Perhaps you've recently had moments of unease, anxiety, or tension. There are five ways to feel more in control of your life and destiny.

1) Stack past references: you've had times where you've mastered something difficult, took a courageous step and gained confidence, or gotten a victory over a fear. Emotionally connect with those positive times and stack them together to empower your level of certainty that you can face whatever is in front of you now.
2) Get information: uncertainty is largely based on the unknown, and by getting more information you reduce or eliminate the unknowns. There are millions of ways to find out more, including asking others.
3) Model success: many of the most successful people modeled resourceful patterns of other successful people. You can save yourself a lifetime of trial and error just by doing this.
4) See/feel/pre-live it: Visualize it, feel how you would be as if the positive event or way of being has already happened for you. The discipline is to live in this great feeling space until the fruition comes. The point is that you're always living in some space, so which one will give you the best results?
5) Take direct action: First you must move your thought in a new way, then move your body by doing what is directly required to be/do/have what's in your heart. This is one of the best ways to eliminate fear, gain a powerful sense of identity, and discover what's possible.

Life is short, play with all you have and enjoy the ride!

Questions to Change Your Life

2011-04-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

In response to several requests from clients and friends, here are daily questions you can ask yourself or better yet briefly journal about to bring more meaning, progress, and fulfillment to your life:

1. What do I intend for today?
2. What guidance am I grateful for today?
3. How have I contributed and connected today?
4. What experience or achievement today has blessed others or me?
5. What have I learned today?
6. What worked today? What didn’t and what could I do better next time?
7. What did I enjoy most today?
8. Powerful Question: ask something that you want the answer to, something that makes you feel better just by asking it. E.g.: “What is the best way to resolve the way I’m feeling about my boss?”
Remember, what gets measured and recorded gets attention and progress. May these questions be supportive to you and those you love! Feel free to email the positive results you feel.

5 Tips to Keeping Your New Year’s Resolution

2011-01-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

Clarify a Compelling Vision:
• What do you most want to experience or achieve? This is your target and clarity will help you focus, whether your resolution has to do with your physical body, relationships & family, career, finances, emotions, or spiritual pathway.
• Get specific & emotionally connect with your desired result. Bring it into the present by visualizing & feeling it as if it has already happened.
• Who would you be and how would you relate to others when you’ve achieved what you’re going for? Start being this.
• When is your celebration date, and how will you reward yourself?

Feel your Purpose:
• This is your fuel, and what will allow you to overcome obstacles & distractions, keep going and feel passion while making progress. Most people quit because they don’t have powerful enough reasons? When reasons are greater than obstacles, you’ll get it done no matter what.
• Why do you really want this goal?
• What would it do for you and others?
• Is there a higher purpose for it? Walt Disney wanted to build a place for his girls to enjoy.
• What would make it a must for you or make you unstoppable?

Write a Winnable Action Plan:
• What steps could you take to hit your target or create experience that’s in your heart?
• What ideas, resources, people and environment are available to support your progress?
• Who could you model that’s already done it?
• What’s helped you succeed in the past, and how could you employ those patterns again?
• What’s the biggest thing standing in your way and what could you do differently this time?

Take Consistent Action:
• After writing your plan immediately, do something towards achieving it to build momentum.
• Taking action in the direction of your dreams expands your capacities, improves your confidence & certainty, opens doors, and makes it easier to take action again.
• Schedule your resolution time and it will more likely happen. This is what will replace your wishbone with some backbone.
• Understand your priorities: 20% of your efforts tend to give you 80% of your results. Do 20%’ers first and watch how fulfilled you become.

Measure your Results & Celebrate:
• What gets measured gets attention; what gets attention gets results. The more often something gets measured the better the results tend to be. The feedback you’re getting will allow you to adjust either of both of two things: your perceptions or strategy.
• Accountability works: with a Coach, spreadsheet, or reliable friend. The real question is: what could you put in place that will support you taking action consistently?
• Celebrate your progress! Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the ride, and reward yourself for your efforts. By doing so, you’ll have a positive association for them.

© 2010 by LifeCoachMark.com & Mark J. Petroff, LLC

Goals & Results

2010-11-01T09:59:00.001-07:00

Most people who set goals do not achieve the results they had intended. There are many elements in setting goals, but here are a few reminders to get you back on track:
1. First, get clear about where you are to know where you would rather be. Clarity is power, and it’s also about honesty! Then write your goal down. Using your physiology will help make it more real to you.
2. Be specific about your goal. If you want a new car, pick out the year, make, model, and features. You could even test drive the car so you’re sure about your vision.
3. Emotionally connect with and list the reasons why you want this goal, and what it would cost you not to have it. This is your purpose, your fuel, for this goal, and without a purpose you will likely lose energy when you face obstacles and distractions.
4. Design an action plan. You can always adjust this with the feedback you’ll receive along the way, so start with what you know about whom and what can support your goal.
5. Measure your progress. If you want to exercise four times a week, mark on your calendar which days you actually did exercise. What gets measured gets better results, and the more often you measure, the more often you’ll get better results (all other things being equal). If you want to fire up your progress, find an accountability partner: someone who believes in you and your dreams, and won’t sell your short regarding your commitments to yourself. Examples of a partner could be a friend, family member, coach, or mentor.
6. Make sure your goal is attainable and realistic, so you actually believe it will happen. If you want to be a concert pianist in 30 days, but have never struck an ivory key, your mind will flag your fantasy and set you up for a failure.
7. Put a time stamp on it, and call it your celebration date. Picking a date (or even time on that date) will kick butt over phrases like “someday” or “soon”. If you know your target, you can chunk it down into bit size steps to get there.
8. Review your goals regularly, such as daily or weekly. When you do, get in the space where you feel like you would feel if the goal was already achieved. How would you feel, who would you have become, who else could you benefit, and what else would be possible for you? The feeling presence practice is powerful, and actually aligns you with possibilities, resources, ideas, and people that can help you get there.
9. Keep stretching yourself and celebrate your victories. Meaning in life comes from growing and giving!
I’m here to serve you, and wish you much success and fulfillment!
Coach Mark

Compassion and Acceptance

2010-09-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps all of us have had family members or others in our life that have said or done things to us which frankly seem unforgivable! Can you remember a circumstance where you spoke hurtful or hateful words, and later recognized that you did not really mean them? The context of your life affected the content of what you said. You were tired, afraid, angry, stressed, or feeling hurt. In that moment you just had to defend yourself, get some space, work through anxiety, or vent some frustration. If someone had understood how you were feeling emotionally, mentally, and/or physically at the time, they could have more easily forgiven you, right? Likewise, if we understood more about the one who offended us, we could more easily forgive them. Picture that person before you right now, and ask them to tell you what the context of their life was like at the time. Listen. What you hear may radically heal you.

When we go to the theater and watch a feature length period piece we may make some judgments about it. The leading actor did a decent job, but the cinematography was lousy, and the movie was a let down. We believe our perceptions are well informed and accurate. We’re always right about how things look to us, aren’t we? We think our truth is The Truth, and that is where the problem lies. If we watched only two minutes of the film instead of the whole feature, we would obviously be less informed. In judging others, we often base our perceptions and reactions on a very short piece of their ‘life movie’—the limited and interpreted part that affected us! So, our judgments may not be as wise as we believe they are. We don’t know every thought and fear they’ve entertained, every decision they made, and how much they were influenced by various people and environments. There is so much we really don’t know about the movie of another’s life. Perhaps that is why the great beings taught that true judgment belongs only to God.

We can come to the place of understanding that, based on the person’s spiritual level of consciousness at the time, how they were feeling, the programming of their DNA and culture, the many choices they had made before that point in time, and what they believed to be true about themselves and the world, it is likely they could not have done it any other way than the way they did, at that moment in time. It is possible that if we had lived their life for them, we may have done it just as they did!

Gautama Buddha taught that the only sin is ignorance. Most people are simply unaware of just how unloving they have been. Understanding this gives us perspective. It is easier to find forgiveness when we connect with what Jesus spoke: “…forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34—LAM). For someone, this may be translated, “The man has no clue.” For someone else, “I see she did not have the awareness and capacity to do it another way.” As we awaken, we perceive a fuller impact of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Only with heightened awareness can we make higher choices.

If we not only watched an entire movie, but learned about the making of the film, the screenwriter’s background and intent, and the history of the era in which the movie takes place, our perceptions would shift and our understanding of context would expand. We would naturally have more insight and compassion. The same principle applies to understanding another person! Being compassionate with others is the key to opening the door of our heart to forgive.

When we closely examine some of our own repeated poor choices, mistakes, and verbal offenses, we can be just as gentle with ourselves. We did the best we could, until we progressively learned to do it better. Awareness and compassion lead us to acceptance of what was, and what is, without resentment. It is like our heart says, “Of course it happened that way, now I understand.” With this higher wisdom we no longer have to fight the past. We can be at ease with it. Coming to this realization may not be easy; it may be challenging and require much of us in the way of radical humility. It just happens to be easier than continuing to live with the heavy weights of hurt, anger, and resistance—which keep us stuck and deplete our life energy.

Stay open for Divine grace to soften your heart and heal your emotions. A burden can be removed from the other person and you. Forgiveness always has multiple blessings.

New Year’s Resolution

2010-01-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

Clarify a Compelling Vision:• What do you most want to experience or achieve? This is your target and clarity will help you focus, whether your resolution has to do with your physical body, relationships & family, career, finances, emotions, or spiritual pathway.
• Get specific & emotionally connect with your desired result. Bring it into the present by visualizing & feeling it as if it has already happened.
• Who would you be and how would you relate to others when you’ve achieved what you’re going for? Start being this.
• When is your celebration date, and how will you reward yourself?

Feel your Purpose:
• This is your fuel, and what will allow you to overcome obstacles & distractions, keep going and feel passion while making progress. Most people quit because they don’t have powerful enough reasons? When reasons are greater than obstacles, you’ll get it done no matter what.
• Why do you really want this goal?
• What would it do for you and others?
• Is there a higher purpose for it? Walt Disney wanted to build a place for his girls to enjoy, and now he's touched hundreds of millions of people with his vision.
• What would make it a must for you or make you unstoppable?

Write a Winnable Action Plan:
• What steps could you take to hit your target or create experience that’s in your heart?
• What ideas, resources, people and environment are available to support your progress?
• Who could you model that’s already done it?
• What’s helped you succeed in the past, and how could you employ those patterns again?
• What’s the biggest thing standing in your way and what could you do differently this time?

Take Consistent Action:
• After writing your plan immediately, do something towards achieving it to build momentum. There is no substitute for action.
• Taking action in the direction of your dreams expands your capacities, improves your confidence & certainty, opens doors, and makes it easier to take action again.
• Schedule your resolution time and it will more likely happen. This is what will replace your wishbone with backbone.
• Understand your priorities: 20% of your efforts tend to give you 80% of your results. Do your 20%’ers first and watch how fulfilled you become.

Measure your Results & Celebrate:
• What gets measured gets attention; what gets attention gets results. The more often something gets measured the better the results tend to be. The feedback you’re getting will allow you to adjust either of both of two things: your perceptions or strategy.
• Accountability works: with a Coach, spreadsheet, or reliable friend. The real question is: What could you put in place that will support you taking action consistently?
• Celebrate your progress! Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the ride, and reward yourself for your efforts. By doing so, you’ll have a positive association for them.

© 2010 by LifeCoachMark.com & Mark J. Petroff, LLC

Love is Empowering

2009-06-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

The Lord says, “I will make my people strong with power from me! They will go wherever they wish, and wherever they go, they will be under my personal care.” (Zech. 10:12—TLB)

Powerful Source
Imagine what it would be like to truly know that there is an Almighty power on your side in every situation: As you enter a business meeting, speak to your spouse about something you have been afraid to discuss, travel to a foreign country, learn a difficult computer skill, or stand for what is right in the face of opposition. The ancient Israelites truly did know they had a divine power on their side. That is what gave them the ability to defeat armies, against which they were vastly outnumbered, find abundant supply when there was famine, overcome fear, conceive children beyond child bearing years, break out of bondage, receive healings of every nature, and even overcome the clutches of death. How mighty was their God? He was all-powerful, and ever-present. Is this the same Divine Being from whom we claim power and take action? Accepting that Divinity is timeless and within us, imagine how empowered we would feel and begin to act, if we really stood on having a power-based relationship with our Source. Step by step we can learn to be more empowered, through a growing awareness of how the supreme nature of Divinity expresses itself in and around us.

Weakness Made Empowered
Raised by Egyptian royalty, Moses was connected to a human sense of power. But he felt torn from his true Jewish heritage, and had yet to discover power based on relationship with the Divine. When he witnessed a Jewish slave being abused, Moses murdered the aggressor, and then fled in fear to the land of Midian where he hid out for the next forty years. In addition to being gripped by fear, Moses was also a man who was ‘slow of speech,’ hardly a motivating characteristic for a revolutionary leader-to-be. Still, in Moses’ pathway to becoming spiritually empowered, he experienced hearing God’s voice, witnessed a bush burn without being consumed, a stick change into a moving serpent, and he saw and felt his own leprous condition instantaneously healed.

All these demonstrations taught Moses to feel the nature of infinite Power and Presence, which were always with him. They also prepared him for receiving even greater demonstrations in the future. Through these experiences, Moses grew confident in spiritual authority and Spirit’s ultimate care for him and his people. Eventually he realized that God was directing his every action, and gained the trust that he needed to face down the Pharaoh of Egypt—the pinnacle of human power at the time. How do we act when we need to face the most powerful person in our workplace, family, or social circle? Perhaps we can learn the way to be empowered from Moses.

With a show of force Pharaoh sent his army and hundreds of chariots to destroy Moses and the Israelites as they ran toward the banks of the Red Sea. It appeared that the Israelites were trapped and doomed. Yet, Moses trusted what he already knew and had seen of the power of divine guidance. He told his fear filled people: “Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today” (Ex. 14:13). Do we find our spiritual center, our powerful stillness, when the outward circumstances of our life appear fearful—when we feel walled in by some situation? While Moses was facing potential death at the Red Sea, verbal tradition has it that Moses declared out loud: “We are in a helpless place, but the sea, if thou commandest it, will become dry land. Nay, we might escape by a flight through the air, if thou should’st determine that we should have that way of salvation.” (REF.)

Amazingly, Moses didn’t plead for God to help, nor tell Him how to do it. He just confidently stood on the spiritual fact that the powerful nature of Divinity would definitely bring salvation for them, no matter what way it came—and of course God did!How can we more fully embrace what we already know of Divinity’s power and protection for us? How can we begin acting as if we know that infinite Truth and Love are fully on our side, ready to show us what to say and do, ready to provide us strength, resources, opportunities, and a way for us to accomplish what we need to? We are weak on our own, but powerful together with the Supreme Presence within us.

It’s been said that one with spiritual reality is a majority. We all have the innate design to express divine Power in what is honest, kind, just, safe, wise, and bountiful. We have been given spiritual ability to exercise these qualities in every day circumstances of our lives. As we act, we will feel even more empowered. If we fail to act, we will feel weaker.

Empowered vs. Victim
Empowered individuals take responsibility for creating their own experience. We cannot control every detail of what happens to us. But, we can choose how we respond to what happens to us. To think otherwise is to forfeit one’s power, and play the victim of circumstance. The disempowered person believes that their experience is in someone else’s hands. When looking at how their life has turned out, they blame the government, their parents, siblings, boss, teacher, racial prejudice, the weather, and just about everything else—rather than looking within themselves and how they have chosen to respond to their circumstances.

There is no doubt that difficult conditions, faulty governments, less than perfect parents, and racial prejudice do exist. Yet, empowered people use these difficulties to evolve, while the disempowered feel defeated or stuck in hurt or resentment. An amazing example of one who overcame extreme difficulties without resentment is Nelson Mandela and all that he endured during Apartheid, including twenty-seven years of unjust imprisonment, before victoriously becoming the first black president of South Africa. An empowered person realizes that they alone are in charge of how they experience life; they choose their own attitudes, actions, and happiness. In a sense they realize they are largely creating their own heaven or hell by their responses to life.

The disempowered live a life of limited or no possibilities, since they believe that something external is responsible for their experience. Their false perspective makes them feel weak, since they believe they must wait for their circumstances to change before they can. Sometimes their circumstances never do. The disempowered person focuses on the past for the reason why their future will bring more of the same. Empowered people live life with a sense of fresh possibility, and refuse to limit their experience because of what happened in the past. They focus on the present in order to build a brighter future. They realize that when they change for the better, so must their life.

Purpose, Power, and Energy
The empowered man, woman, or child lives with purpose and meaning, and an ever-more clear sense of self-identity. They are resolute about their intentions and values, and they decisively ask for what they want. They have the priority of standing for what they value and believe in, versus just trying to look good and be socially acceptable. Energetically, the empowered are spontaneous, lively, motivated, and vibrantly animated. They do not obstruct the flow of Life energy, and so they move with enthusiasm, passion, and a great sense of internal freedom.

Empowered people have challenges like anyone else, but they know that there is a solution. They trust the unlimited and caring Universe to supply what they need, and they trust their own process of learning. They consider the larger perspective of events in the context of the greater good for all concerned, and they understand that all things ultimately work together for good. They live in abundance, move in divine rhythm, and flow in harmony with divine will. Self-empowerment enables them to synergistically receive blessings, resources, opportunities, and ways to contribute. They willingly share support and encouragement with others.

Disempowered people live in confusion, resentment, criticism, and lack. They stay stuck because of fear, social conditioning, false beliefs, or having been hurt. They give off an energy which is repetitive, flat, disconnected, and full of resistance. Disempowered people have problems instead of challenges, and often try to convince themselves and others just how impossible their problems are, rather than really wanting their life to improve. The disempowered fear the process of change, and ignore the assistance that Spirit is constantly offering. Their life seems filled with scarcity, and focused on short-term limitations instead of on the unlimited potential which lies dormant within them. Which kind of person are you?

Perhaps in moments, or in certain areas of our lives, we have all felt disempowered or like a victim. So, we can be compassionate with ourselves and others going through such a state. With awareness of how we are currently being and acting, we can always choose again to embody Divine power, and live a life of purpose, freedom, and full self-expression. The Self as love is the power within us—the grace which motivates humility, compassion, giving, deeper levels of self honesty, and unlimited feelings of strength, resources, and possibilities. With love and honesty as our intention, we are provided the opportunity and ability to feel and experience Divine Love’s power.

Make the Shift
If we are feeling weak-kneed or disempowered, how can we change? The first step is to align our heart with the infinite Presence that is right where we are filling all space. We can rest in the awareness that Divinity is radiating within us and animating our potential. Understand that we are powerful because the Allness of Divinity is powerful. Its infinite field of energy includes us, regardless of what we have or haven’t done. Leverage can make a difference too. It can be helpful to realize how feeling disempowered has been costing us in terms of health, mental ease, quality of relationships, and productivity. Once we are aware of the price we have been paying, desire can motivate us to regain our power and to take positive action. It takes courage to operate in a new way— to seek the change from within, instead of waiting for circumstances to change outside of us.

Humility is also a key, since it leads us to take responsibility for our own experience. This creates an opening for us to feel divine Power filling us. We can perceive that there is no separation between the nature of God-power and how Divinity is expressing itself—the Self as us. It is easier to take action from this heightened state of awareness. It is important for us to be kind, gentle and patient with ourselves during the times we need to make a shift. When we do make the shift, we will have more wisdom, strength, and momentum to do it again whenever we need to.

Intention & Devotion
Forward steps to a more empowered experience come from intention and devotion, just like they do in every other area of life. When we declare a pure desire, and are committed to having it, Divinity will provide us the way to fulfill that desire, as we are promised: “Whatsover ye ask in my name, I will do it for you…” (John 14:13—LAM) By clearly stating what it is that you will unselfishly be, do, or have, and then taking each step that Spirit reveals to you, power awakens within you. You may declare that you will get a job promotion, learn how to meditate, or find your ideal partner or home. Understand your source of power, set your honest intention, take consistent action toward it, and feel yourself receiving what you need along the way.

There are times we can empower ourselves by asking for help: “I will find someone to help me, to heal me, to show me how to be unafraid.” In my twenties I had a strong desire to find a spiritual teacher so that I could learn more deeply about humility. I was living in St. Louis at the time, and the same week I set an intention to find such a teacher, I suddenly felt impelled to book a trip to Boston. While in Boston I was standing in a cafeteria line when I met my spiritual teacher. This mentor faithfully taught me for the next twelve years, and I am still learning from what I was taught. What pure desire do you have? Are you committed to having it, no matter what? Then let Spirit provide the way for you.

Vocal Power
Divinity gives us both a voice and the wisdom when to use it. It is up to us to use it for what is honest, just, and good. Joseph Joubert wrote that “Justice is truth in action.” There is a time to speak up and to be heard. With wisdom we will know when that time is. When will we stop putting up with things we have been tolerating? Is there vocal action you should be taking now? In what way do you need to speak up and demonstrate more responsibility for your experience and those you care about? Your voice will strengthen as you use it with honesty and love. If you don’t speak your truth, you will remain disempowered, or even feel weaker.

Earlier in my life I worked in a warehouse. During my first day on the job I noticed many pornographic pictures that workers had posted on the wall above the shipping station. At first I was cautious; then I felt impelled to take action. I began taking the images down, one each day. After several days, a three hundred and fifty pound co-worker challenged me about the missing ‘Donna, Michelle, and Victoria’ posters. I spoke up about what I felt happens to many women in the porn industry, including the abuse and drug addiction they go through. I also shared my feelings about how women should be appreciated and respected, not thought of and used as sex objects. A fight nearly broke out, and several weeks of tension followed.

The word spread throughout the company about what had happened and eventually got back to management. When they questioned me about it I didn’t back down. The workers had a right to view pornography, on their own time and place, and I had a right not to. Within a very short time a ‘Non-sexual Harassment Policy’ was defined and put into place by the company, including the edict that no pornographic images were to be displayed anywhere on company premises. Following my stand for true womanhood a female Chief Financial Officer was soon hired. She was the first female to ever be hired in upper management in that company’s history. As I look back on these events, the real point was not whether I was right or wrong in my stance (because no doubt I had positionalities about it), but that I followed my own sense of integrity in the best way I knew how at the time.

Empowering Steps
There exists a higher consciousness—the true Self—within each of us, which is constantly impelling us to live an empowered life, by giving us guidance and making us aware of resources and capabilities available to us. Through awareness of and response to this field, our inner experience with the power of Divinity strengthens us, just like it did with Moses. We shift towards power any time we feel, think, speak, and act with honesty, clarity, truth, excellence, and love. What steps can you take, and what are you willing to let go of, in order to become the empowered person you were born to be? Just who could you be? Divine power is always available to us to be identified with, yielded to, and embodied.

Practicing Love is Empowering
1) Be Divinely Empowered: Meditate on qualities which are empowering. For example: self-honesty, courage, unselfishness, or willingness. As you meditate, focus on what it would feel like for you to fully embody these qualities in daily life. Just as Divinity initiated Moses, it is constantly guiding us to live an empowered life. From the things you have been shown intuitively, what action steps can you take today? The next step will unfold as you take the first one. Strength is revealed in action impelled by Spirit. Power that is experienced stays with us as a resource.
2) Develop Awareness: Identify two areas of your life where you are thinking, speaking, feeling, or acting disempowered. Write down the thoughts, feelings, or belief systems which may be blocking you from feeling empowered (i.e., fear, resentment, confusion, or a limiting belief that “Nobody will listen to me” or “I have never acted that way before”). Just by exposing what has been weakening us, we may use this honest awareness to make decisive changes.
3) Fuel Desire: Now write down and declare three ways in which you want to live as an empowered being of the Divine. For example, “I will speak my truth,” “I will live my values,” “I will set clear boundaries with my parents,” or “I will find work that nurtures me.”
4) Take Action: Are there circumstances and behaviors you should no longer be tolerating? Pick one area in your life in which you want to be more empowered, and go for it! Maybe it is to having the courage to stop tolerating things that don’t work for you, the discipline to stop procrastinating, or the humility to ask for forgiveness so that you can let go of guilt. When we take responsibility for our own experience, we can live from a place of empowerment to create the life that we really want. Step by step, it will become our naturally expanding way of being.

Experience is not what happens, but what we do with what happens. (Aldous Huxley)

To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. (Robert Louis Stevenson)

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. (Seneca)

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Phil. 4:13)

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manor of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)For more information, visit: www.LifeCoachMark.com or email them: CSTChar@earthink.net LifeCoachMark@earthlink.net

Relationship Seminar

2009-05-25T14:21:00.000-07:00
Being Love™ Seminars
Our next event is:

Saturday June 20, 2009 @ 9 am-6pm
Location: Hampton Inn, Altamonte Springs, FL
Participation Fee: $99 All credit cards accepted. Limited seating, so register today!

The majority of people in relationship feel unfulfilled. Plus, there are a growing number of singles who may be wonderful but can't seem to find a great partner. Wonder what it takes to have a fulfilling relationship: To find one, or make the one you’re in not just better, but amazing? Come and experience an all day life-changing relationship event with certified Life Coaches Charlene McLachlan & Mark Petroff. Designed for singles and couples.

Learn how to:
• Deepen your heart presence: as a gift to you and your partner
• Create your ultimate relationship vision
• Meet your and your partner's needs at a level 10
• Enhance polarity and passion between the masculine & feminine
• Master the vital relationship skills
• Experience fun and transforming processes!

Registration: Call Being Love Seminars today @ (407) 429-4390 or
Email your request for seats today to BeingLove@earthlink.net, or
Visit www.LifeCoachMark.com/workshops.html
For more information, visit: www.LifeCoachMark.com or email them: CSTChar@earthink.net LifeCoachMark@earthlink.net

Life's Important Questions

2009-05-01T12:00:00.000-07:00
If you found yourself awaking in a car on the side of a road with amnesia, you would likely want to find the answers to several crucial questions:

1. Who are you?
2. Where are you now?
3. What are you here to do?
4. Where do you want to go?
5. What will it take to get there?

As the amnesia disappears perhaps you realize that you are a dedicated family-oriented partner, and you are on a safe road next to Hwy. 70 in the middle of Kansas at noon. You are en-route to Denver for a family celebration which starts at 7 pm. You surmise that it will take another 5 hours and a fresh tank of gas to get you there. With this clarity, you easily find a place to fill up, finish your journey, and arrive to experience a wonderful time. Clarity sure makes life easier, doesn’t it? Whenever you find yourself pressured, dazed, or confused by what life has thrown you, try coaching yourself with the above questions. The answers to these questions will help you find your way again.

Who are you? In order to solve your challenges and to journey well, you may need to be in better touch with the core nature of who you are. Positive changes always start with awareness. So who are you? Not what do you do or have, but what is your essence? What is so meaningful to you that you don’t want to compromise it? What ignites your joy and passion? What values make you feel like you are honoring yourself? By clarifying your values you can re-align with who you are. What do you value: beauty, honesty, or love? The qualities you deem most important act as your steering wheel when you are making decisions that affect the course of your life. Without defining them, you may be easily swayed off course or stalled by distractions or challenges on the road of life.

Where are you now? In order to improve the quality of your life, you will benefit by getting totally honest about where you are now. Most people have a vague sense of where they are. “My money situation is not good,” gives clues, but is still fuzzy. Clarity would be defining the details of your income, expenses, debt, assets, resources, and options available to you. “My love life sucks” is also vague. A more honest assessment might be: “I’ve been seeing a disinterested unemployed ‘friend with benefits’ for 6 months, I feel unfulfilled and out of integrity, and need to learn more about solid relationships.” Knowing where you are, including the environment you are surrounded by, gives you a huge advantage in moving toward where you’d rather be.

What are you here to do? Your purpose for going to the mall may be to shop for dress pants or to see the new movie. Most people know why they are headed to the mall much more than they know why they are going through life. My guess is that maybe one in ten people can clearly state what their life purpose is. “I want to be happy” sounds good on the surface, but isn’t that a result or a pleasurable state of being rather than a reason why one is here? Your purpose is what makes you come alive, fulfills your soul-yearning, and what makes you feel like the Universe is on your side. Purpose is what gives you motivation and the ability to focus your energy to overcome obstacles you will face in reaching for your goals.

What are you here to do? Your purpose goes with you everywhere. Even if you become unconscious of it, you can quickly shift back into alignment with it, once you know what it is and have written it down. Without clearly knowing what your purpose is, you may work endlessly to achieve a goal only to find out that it doesn’t satisfy you or that it was not in alignment with what you are really about. From our road trip example above, if you didn’t know why you were traveling, you could have just as easily stayed in the car (i.e, stuck, going nowhere), headed the wrong way (i.e., had a destination or goal that truly doesn’t serve you), or never have gone to Denver (i.e., not fulfilled your heart desires). Your purpose is vital for you to achieve lasting results and experience a fulfilling quality of life—one that is energized by motivation and soulfulness. There are times when it may be helpful to receive feedback from a friend, partner, counselor, or life coach, so you can re-align with your purpose and inner truth.

Where do you want to go? Knowing that your destination is a green two-story house on 21 Elm St. in Denver makes it a lot easier to get there than if you just knew you were headed to a house somewhere in North America, or a building where fun parties take place. Sure there may be interesting or enticing detours that are offered to us, but pain, suffering, and loss tend to come from ‘places’ that do not resonate with who we are, our purpose for being here, and where our heart really wants us to be. Spontaneity can be wonderful. You can still have spontaneity and not have to be in conflict with your values, purpose, and vision. No matter what happens you stand a much better chance of winding up where you want to go if you know where you’re headed. Without a vision people tend to wander through life aimlessly or remain fenced in by undesirable boundaries. As you clarify your vision, you may find that it is different than where you or others think you should go. Whatever you come up with, know that your heart-desires and vision will lead you towards freedom.

What will it take to get there? The better strategy and route you have put in place, the more likely you will succeed in your destination or vision. Granted, you could hitchhike to Denver, have a fun time along the way, and still make it to the celebration by 7:00. But, you might not get a ride, suffer heat exhaustion, go hungry, and miss the party entirely, which still can give you ‘valuable lessons’—if you truly want those kinds of experiences and lessons. The point is that along your journey you will have needs and face obstacles. If you have a clear idea of what your needs will be ahead of time, you will more gracefully achieve your vision. Journaling can be a good way to help expose how you operate and what may be in your way. Your obstacle could be a person, place, or thing. It may be an attitude, perception, habit, or belief system. Exposing these allows you to design strategies to better navigate them. Your natural excellence will tend to emerge when what’s in the way is modified or removed. Then you can successfully wind up where your heart originally wanted to take you.

There is a way to move through life with a more awakened heart. Asking and listening for the answers to these five important questions can be a beneficial way to journey. Peace and blessings to you.
For more information, visit: www.LifeCoachMark.com or email them: CSTChar@earthink.net LifeCoachMark@earthlink.net

Love is Appreciating

2009-04-22T12:18:00.000-07:00
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. (William James)

Decisions Determine Destiny
A woman, wanting to show love to her husband, prepared a delicious gourmet meal with great effort. While racing to finish setting the table she forgot to wipe up some spilled hollandaise sauce on the kitchen counter. When her husband came home and walked into the kitchen he set down some important papers right on top of the sauce. There relationships is about to change.

Circumstances like this have happen to most of us. Yet, what we do next greatly impacts our relationships. The husband may respond by quietly cleaning his papers while commenting on his wife’s generosity and wonderful culinary preparations. His comments will bring her joy by knowing that she has pleased him and that her efforts were deeply valued. Their intimate bond will be thereby strengthened. An opposite reaction would be that he angrily asks how she couldn’t have noticed the sticky glob on the counter she thoughtlessly left behind. This one self-concerned decision to ignore an opportunity to appreciate her (and instead criticize her) may lead to a night of conflict or disconnection, and perhaps words they both will later wish they had never said. Our moment to moment decisions really do determine the direction and ultimate destiny of our relationships. The heartfelt practice of consistent appreciation is a primary way to put our relationships back on a connecting course.

Costs and Benefits
Is your relationship losing energy and connection because of lack of appreciation? When a partner doesn’t feel valued they begin thinking, “What’s the point?” Living things such as plants cannot survive without nutrients. Likewise relationships cannot thrive without meaning and value which is expressed through the life-supporting nutrient of appreciation. If we miss opportunities and decide not to give gratitude for another, no one may notice. Yet, over the long term there may be a price to pay in the quality of our life and relationships. People around us may begin to feel overworked and undervalued. They will not want to go the extra mile for us. Whether they vocalize it or not, they will sense that they ‘can’t do it good enough’ for us. Closeness and connection will fade. Some of those around us may give up, close down, disconnect, get angry, or look elsewhere for recognition.

Don’t we all want to know we count, that we are valued, that our contributions are meaningful in our home, office, and with our extended family and friends? Certainly it is a basic human need to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Yet, how many of us actually do? And, on a scale of 1 to 10, how effectively do we consistently communicate appreciation to those around us? The quality of our relationships may reveal a gap between how we think we are doing and how we really are. Daily appreciation provides nourishment to a growing relationship that could otherwise become depleted.
People who appreciate us give us inspiration and motivation. They make life more enjoyable, and remind us that we are worthwhile. Our relationship with them is nurtured and strengthened by their attitude and actions. They have an uncanny ability to acknowledge us for who we are instead of who they think we should be. They express positive energy, grace, and an ability to focus on what is valuable in us. They benefit themselves by embodying such loving vibrations. Think of the people you know who embody appreciation as a way of being. What qualities do they express in their words and actions towards you? What kind of difference does this make in your life? What can you learn from their examples? Is there someone in your life that could similarly benefit from your appreciative speech and deeds today?

One of the core human fears is that we may not be enough for others. Smart enough, successful enough, talented enough, good-looking or emotionally fit enough. We believe if we are not enough, we may be rejected and left unloved, and this may feel like I very survival is threatened at some level. When we communicate to others that they are enough, we heal such fears, and we tend to experience ‘enough-ness’ ourselves. Our own heart is expanded with powerful and loving security. Love heals and replaces fear. Connection, giving, openness, awareness, intuition, inspired ideas, and abundant supply flow more freely through a grateful heart. Awareness of the good at hand tends to increase our capacity to recognize and receive more of it. Appreciation can also motivate others to show up for us in ways that may positively surprise us. How simple it is to acknowledge another for who they are to us and how they contribute to us and others!

If you think about it, the ones who call you a friend will likely be the ones whom you appreciate. At any moment in relating to others, we are either drawing them closer to us or pushing them away. Honoring another is an attractive way to validate another’s significance and draw them closer to us. Appreciation can support partners to feel enough meaning and strength to transcend fears and obstacles when life seems difficult, and by working through challenges as true partners the depth of the relationship is more fully empowered. A couple can generate a momentum of giving, since appreciation comes from a giving spirit. How will you be the love which is appreciating today?

Practicing Appreciation
Awareness of Blessings: When we focus on the goodness in our life, we tend to experience more of it. Pick a time each day to reflect on all the blessings you have experienced throughout your day. It might have been the friend who called unexpectedly to watch your children, the customer service representative who went the extra mile to solve your problem, or your partner who made your home more relaxing or beautiful to be in.
Appreciate Yourself: It is difficult to give appreciation to others when we are constantly criticizing ourselves. St. Augustine recognized the human need of feeling special when wrote that God, “…loves each of us, as if there were only one of us.” This week focus on how wonderful you are. On an index card write a list of five of your most significant or beautiful qualities, and recognize how you express them in your own unique way. This list may include your humor, persistence, creativity, or the way that you show care for others. Post this card at home or work or carry it in your purse or wallet, where you can see it regularly to help remind you to appreciate yourself and the divine gifts expressed through and as you.
Show Appreciation: This week pick two people in your life who may not be feeling your love as much as they could be. Write down some creative ways you could show them more appreciation and be pro-active. You might want to acknowledge the uniqueness of their spiritual pathway and essence, listen to what is important to them, or acknowledge their emotional needs and if appropriate act to meet them. Then notice the positive impact your words or actions have on those same relationships.
The above article is excerpted from Being Love (© 2007 by Mark Petroff & Charlene McLachlan). Mark & Charlene are Certified Life Coaches residing in Orlando. They offer one-on-one and relationship coaching through their Being Love Seminars.

For more information, visit: www.LifeCoachMark.com or email them: CSTChar@earthink.net &LifeCoachMark@earthlink.net
For more information, visit: www.LifeCoachMark.com or email them: CSTChar@earthink.net LifeCoachMark@earthlink.net