Life at 7000 ft

Happiness vs. Money

2012-03-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal..... we could use a little extra money. I don't make very much money as a part time elementary school librarian.

I have seen two jobs in the last week that are advertising jobs in the $50-80k range for an architect that I fully qualify for.

Should I keep the low paying job that I love that lets me spend time with books, kids, and my own kids? I can spend days reading picture books, come home and spend 30 minutes on the treadmill, finish my MLIS, make dinner, finish 8 loads of laundry in two days time, read and write to my hearts content, have all the same days off and holidays as my children, and generally be a happy fulfilled poor person.

Or do I apply for an architecture job with the City of Flagstaff or NAU? The hours would be long, the summer vacations gone, the dropping off and picking up of my children from school non-existent but I would have full health benefits, vacation and sick pay, an opportunity to pay off my credit cards and student loans, the ability to give my husband a break from being the major breadwinner for the family, and a retirement package.

It's a difficult decision. Sure I can apply for the jobs and see what happens. If I am passed over it is a sure indication that I should stay where I am. But what if? What if I get one of those jobs and hate it and wish I could go back to the days of picture books, tying shoes, and recommending chapter books to fresh faced 10 year olds? Then what? And what about my Master's Degree in Library Science?

It could be years before I have a $60,000/year library job. What to do?

Why do we always have to seem to choose between money and happiness?

2012 Status Update

2012-02-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've gotta little time on my hands this week so I figure I could maybe start writing again. Things are under control. I'm only taking one class this semester and I've managed to finagle working only 3 days a week at the library. I know.... pretty cool huh?
The bills are paid, the taxes are submitted, the kids are at school, and I'm home alone. Which is rare nowadays.
So to take advantage of this new found time to myself I'll try and update this thing more often.
I love writing and I miss it. I feel guilty when I don't write, so I will do my best to write more.

So to re-introduce myself to you my 5 loyal readers here is a list of 10 things you may not know about me:

1.Reading is an absolute addiction to me. I cannot be sitting without a book in my hand.

2. It's been almost 2 years since I've been on meds for my OCD and I am a new gal because of it.

3. I have no medical insurance currently. (See above mention of me only working 3 days a week...not enough hours to qualify)

4. I can never say no to a chocolate chip cookie.

5. We have regular Saturday night dance parties at my house.

6. My children are allowed to listen to ANY type of music regardless of the lyrical content.

7. I am allergic to dogs and we currently have 6 cats in the house.

8. I am addicted to Clorox wipes. I'll wipe anything with them as long as it's dirty.

9. My boobs have miraculously grown larger as I've gotten older. Just bought a bra that is a 34G. Yes, I did say G!!!

10. I'm listening to Portishead right this very minute.

I know not to much new and interesting. My meds keep me fairly mellow nowadays. I'm trying to bring the crazy back within legal limits.

Where have I been?

2011-01-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

Damn! I am such a good writer.

It's really a shame it's been so long. I love to go back and read the old stuff. It's like going back in a time machine and reading my thoughts.

Updates:

I got a job! Way back in October. I work in an elementary school library as a library aide.

I got into grad school! I'm in Tucson right now taking a class.

Things are great. I'm having such a great time I'm not even missing my family as much as I thought I was going to. School is so much fun. I'm even glad there was a one week residency to start the program. If I hadn't come down here I wouldn't really feel like I was back in school. I'm on campus, meeting the professors, meeting the other people in my classes and walking around a quad and going to the bookstore. It's fun to have adult conversations with other people who love books and are interested in the same things that I am. There are some young kids, but most are 2nd career people who are my age or older. I didn't have too many preconceived notions on what this whole process was going to be like, but this is fun.

Missing for a Month?

2010-09-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap it's been a while.

I have been honestly busy. Not crazy busy, but just busy enough that I don't have time to kill on the internet.
I'm volunteering at the public library on Tues and Thurs, and now at the kids school library on Wednesdays.

It is so much fun I am amazed I didn't do this years ago. I probably would have been happier if I had.

I'm still waiting to hear back about graduate school. I guess I'll find out by Halloween, but even if they don't let me in this time I know I can kill it for the Feb application deadline now that I will have two seperate library contacts to write me letters of recommendation.

That's it really. I really don't feel the need to come here and complain anymore. Things are going so well, and I am happy and busy and having fun.

I cannot recommend enough that evreyone go out and see The Other Guys with Will Farrel and Mark Wahlberg. It was the funniest movie I've seen in a long time. Carl and I are still quoting lines to each other from the movie 3 days later.

I'm still reading a lot and watching my sugar. I'm eating it everyday, but not like I used to.

On one hand I don't like really being on medication, but on the other hand if I hadn't had a break down I don't think everything would be as clear as it is now for me. I don't know that I would have figured out what to do with my life. I don't think I would have started volunteering.

Everything happens for a reason.

I Need A New Drug

2010-08-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

It's been five months now that I have been medicated. I would like to think this is now my even keel attitude.
I'm a little hesitant to want to stay on drugs my entire life. I know I could. I'm just crazy enough to need full time medication,but there are certain things that I miss about being so emotional and anxiety ridden.

I miss music. It used to just get me right down to my volcanic core. A song could save me or condemn me in the middle of the day or at night as I fell to sleep. I could be carried away by almost any classical song, Dolly Parton, the Deftones, almost anything from the 80's or 90's and I miss that. I don't get that feeling under my skin anymore when I listen to music. Now music just feels like background. It no longer sets the tone of my day or can whip my attitude around in a heartbeat. It's probably good that it no longer does this to me, but still I miss all the emotion tied into music.

I do love the moods I have now when dealing with my children. They can drive me crazy and then a half hour later I'm laughing and joking with them as usual. I don't take their fueds and endless banter as personally. I now realize that they are just kids. They will not behave like adults no matter how much I want them to. I see the patterns in their behavior better and can shrug off the sugar induced and sleep deprived tantrums, knowing it's not really them at that moment, but just a sugar fiend or an overtired child. So overall that is an awesome improvment over myself from 6 months ago.

I'm still feeling generally numb as far as overwhelming emotions go. I would like to feel more, but know that I can't handle more. It's a horrible catch-22. I can either feel everything and be miserable, or just feel the edges of feelings and be a fully functional member of society. I have a clarity and a distance that I didn't have before. I used to feel like I was floundering and overwhelmed by everything, but now everything feels managable. I don't know that I would have figured out my desire to work with books as a librarian if I had stayed unmedicated. My mind was too muddled to figure it out. So that is an amazing outcome of taking medication.

My counting is under control and I don't overthink everything like I used to. I will never be footloose and talkative and outgoing, but at least now I can function like a regular introvert.

Overall the good things outweigh the negative, but I do miss the way I could write for 2 hours getting all the crap out of my head and onto paper. I miss being cranky and pissed off at everyone. I miss flipping off any bad driver who crossed my path. I miss crying while listening to music. I miss so many things, but I know I'm better off this way. It just takes some getting used to. Now that I don't remember as vividly how sick I really was back in March, it's easier for me to think that I wasn't really that bad. But I know this is just me transitioning from that person to a better person and missing her and still looking forward to this new better behaved person.

The Ipad as E-reader

2010-08-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading my first ever book in it's entirety on an e-reader.

I've been trying to do this ever since I bought my ipad. It's actually filled with books. I've got not only the E-books ap, but the Kindle ap and a couple of other no name apps with free classic books.

I chose to read Mansfield Park. It's the only Jane Austen book I haven't read and it seemed the quickest of all the classics I have downloaded.

Overall the reading went great. My only issue was not being able to constantly see how far along I am. There are no page numbers. If you tap the bottom of the screen it will give you some strange numbers and a percentage of completion, but no page numbers. This frustrated me to no end. I like to put the book mark in the book and see my progress. This is not totally possible with the Kindle ap. The Ibook ap does not have this problem. There are page numbers on every page. As for the ipad in general as an e-reader, the pages were easy to read, the lighting and font were great. The size of the pages was even similar to a real book. It was easier to read while eating vs. a real book and my hand didn't get cramped like it sometimes does when reading huge books like Atlas Shrugged or Anna Karenina.

The reason why I have never used to ipad as an e-reader is because I have to fight to get my turn with it. The kids love to play games on it. My husband surfs the Internet constantly with it and it seemed like whenever I had it in my lap to read, it would remind everyone else of what the wanted to do on the ipad. I always felt rushed to finish a chapter so that someone else could have a turn. No one ever bothers me when I have a real book in my hand. Short of actually buying another couple ipads or shelling out for a Kindle I don't think I will read too many books on the ipad. If was just my ipad, then sure I'd read more often, but with 3 kids and a husband who loves gadgets and web surfing I don't think I'll ever be able to convince them to let me use it as a book again.

I love my books. I love to see them arranged on my bookshelves. I love the colors and the shapes and the smell of the paper. I love the portability. I love not having to charge them up at the end of the day. I like not worrying about battery power. Sure it's convenient to be able to have a book wirelessly delivered, but I still have a hard time paying money for a computer file to read. If I'm going to pay money, then I want a book in my hand and not a file that could possibly be obsolete in a few years. I want a book that I can take and sell back to a book store and trade in for another book. That isn't an option yet with e-books.

I can say I've given it the old college try, but I am not a convert. I'm not saying I'll never read another e-book, but for a while at least physical books are still going to be what I love and what I read and collect.

Eat, Pray, Love vs. Hot Tub Time Machine

2010-08-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am very far from a movie critic, but I'm going to add my two cents on some movies I saw this weekend.

Hot Tub Time Machine: I loved this movie. It was silly, funny and visually entertaining. It made me laugh out loud, but it doesn't take much for me. I love John Cusack and I loved the ridiculousness of being able to travel back in time in a hot tub with a guide like Chevy Chase. It's a great movie.

Eat Pray Love: I loved this movie too. I'm not a huge Julia Roberts fan, but I thought she did well in this movie and Javier Bardem was awesome as usual. It was a beautiful movie. I love travel movies so this one was a no brainer for me to like. The only scene that really bothered me was when Liz was supposed to seem so crazy and out of control by eating pasta. I think that was just ridiculous. Maybe people in Hollywood don't know that most of us eat pasta all the time and it is not the least bit sinful. I myself eat it at least 2-3 times a week and (this is so crazy) I'm not fat. That was an insulting scene to me, but maybe I'm not like most people. The critics kind of slammed this movie, but I hate critics. They see so many movies they don't even know what is entertaining anymore. I loved it. Go see it.

Kick Ass: This movie rocked too. I'm not into all the violence so my eyes were covered frequently, but all it all it was really cool. The 11 year old as a bad-ass was awesome. The teenager as a wanna-be superhero was cool too. See this one too.

I''ll see pretty much anything that looks remotely entertaining. But I'm getting really pissed off reading critics reviews for movies. I was so excited to go see Dinner For Schmucks, but then I heard so many bad reviews that I have not seen it yet. Why would I listen to them. I know I'll love it. It has Paul Rudd and Steve Carell in it. How could it be bad? My version of bad is so much different than a critics. I didn't really like Inception. Critics loved it. The last bad movie I saw was Kristen Bell in When in Rome. That really sucked, but I still enjoyed the scenery and the clothes. I loved Date Night. It's hit and miss with every single person. That is why I have decided to never judge a movie by what a critic says. If it looks good to me I will see it.

Here I come Dinner for Schmucks!

To Be A Librarian

2010-08-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm working on my application to U of A and trying to get all the letters of recommendation, and essays and transcripts pulled together. It's hard. They should let you in just for completing all the myriad tasks they require for application. You almost need a personal secretary to get it done.

I'm only applying to one school now. U of A has strange start times for their Library and Information Science program. I apply by Sept 1, and then school would start Jan 3. If I can't make that deadline, or don't get in, I'll hopefully get into a volunteer program at the public library or at my kid's school library and get a better letter of recommendation from an actual librarian and apply again to U of A, the U of I, and then Syracuse University for a fall of 2011 start.

The idea is to either get in at the In-State-Tuition school, or apply to my Alma-mater, or at the Premiere Librarian school in NY. I'll have to take the GRE to apply for fall admission. That is a little daunting, but I'm pretty good at standardized tests.

I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed for U of A in January though.

I just can't imagine that someone won't let me in. I am the very picture of a librarian. Most of the time I wear my hair in a bun. My entire house is covered in books. I mean literally in every room (except the kitchen and bathrooms) I have multiple bookshelves. I have 4 cats. I never leave the house without a book and usually while in the house I am either reading a book or within an arm's reach of a book. I even know the shelves at Barnes and Noble better then the employees as I often help patrons find exactly the book they are looking for and sometimes even suggest a comparable substitute. I need to go to school to get this degree. I just need to be able to convince admissions people of that.

Would it be allowable to send in the admissions people photos of my bookshelves and links to this blog?

Home Sweet Home with Rice Crispies

2010-08-09T16:01:00.000-07:00

So we've been out of town for a while. First we were in Lake Las Vegas and then in San Diego. I'll be the first to admit I am not a great traveller, but I love to travel. I've already admitted my mad love for Rick Steves and anything else involving new strange different places, but I also have OCD which can make for a very difficult time when traveling.

I need my Rice Crispies, my chocolate milk with dinner, I need an Embassy Suites (preferably), and I need my HGTV to fall asleep to at night. If there is any interruption in my very detailed night time and day time rituals I get a little antsy and irritated. I can't handle not having my regular foods. I can't handle not having what I need when I need it.

So I can wish and hope and plan my European travels all I want, but when I think back to the two weeks I spent in France in 1993 all I can remember is how uncomfortable I was. I didn't think I would ever make it home. I lived on french bread and ice cream from street vendors. The hotels sucked and I hated the thought of all the weird creepy people in the streets who smelled. It was very traumatic in a way.

I'm torn. I would love to see the world, but I just don't know how well I could handle myself. I had a hard time at my sister's place last week. She was missing a few basic kitchen implements and a trash can in the bathroom and it was hurting my brain to think how she could live without those things. It just seemed unfathomable to me. It's weird little things like that that make my brain freak out.

Sure I keep it to myself and it makes it seem less strange, and yes it will be easier for me to travel when I'm older and not toting around small children, but for now I'll stick to planned vacations at Embassy Suites where I know the room layout and I know they have all the Rice Crispies I need right downstairs in the free breakfast buffet.

Adding to the Family

2010-08-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am now officially an aunt. I mean I've been an aunt, but not to a blood relative, just to my husband's half-brother's kids. It's not the same as being an aunt to your own sister's kid. It's like if something would happen to my sister and her husband (you know in a Charles Dickens kind of way) I would have to take the little orphan in to live with me. That is so cool.

I can now say, "My neice." Which I've never been able to say before. She can come spend her summers here when she's older to get out of the city and spend some time at her Auntie Em's country house. That's kind of catchy don't ya think? Auntie Em.

If only they had named her Dorothy.

Graduate School Personal Statement

2010-07-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Oh the agony of trying to fit all the reasons why I want to be a librarian into only 750-1000 words.

There are so many stories to tell, so many books to quote, so many heart felt pleadings I want to include.

I'm not sure if my first attempt at graduate school application will work, but I almost want to put in somewhere that if they don't let me in on the first time around, I will apply each and every year 3 times until they see fit to see my enthusiasm for information and library science.

In reading almost all of the required textbooks for the first 4 classes I have learned that most applicants are just like me.... late to the game. Apparently being a librarian is not something people think of right off the bat after graduating from college. They meander around, raise a few kids up to kindergarten age and then figure out that what they love most is books. I should have that to my advantage in getting in.

Again I can't say how excited I am to have finally found what I want to be when I grow up. It seems so obvious after all those years of searching and checking out hundreds of library books and buying hundreds from Amazon that what I loved most was the search for the information the books that could lead me to a career and there all the time were the very books that I loved. There was the information that I craved. It was the book all along, not the writing, not the careers I was investigating, but the book itself.

Now I know I've had revelations like this in the past and thought I knew for sure what I was talking about when I found my new "career" ideas, but this sums it up perfectly........

"Books are the immortality of the race, the father and mother of most that is worth while cherishing in our hearts. To spread good books about, to sow them on fertile minds, to propagate understanding and a carefulness of life and beauty, isn't that high enough mission for a man?" From The Haunted Bookshop by Christopher Morley.

When does school start?

2010-07-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am plodding through the summer and we've still got 4 weeks until school starts and not much planned to keep the children entertained.

Every year I say I will pay for summer camp no matter what the cost, and every year here we are sitting around and watching SpongeBob while baking and making weird art projects.

Monsoon season has set it and it's too wet to play outside, not to mention the frequent lightning strikes starting fires left and right. It's a little too dangerous for children to be running around unattended.

I'm flagging on the blog posts. I'm just not feeling the writing right now. The children are sucking all the energy out of me. I miss the gym, I miss the big empty quietness of the house during the day that inspires me to write. I miss long leasurely hours at the book store and the library waiting to pick the kids up from school. I miss folding laundry at lunch time and looking at the mountain out the big picture window in the dining room while listening to whatever music I want a loud as I want.

4 Weeks! 4 Weeks! and hopefully my life will return to normal again.

Sugar and coyotes

2010-07-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

This is Sugar.

Yes I know we already have so many cats, but we are now officially down 2 from 5. You all know Rupert died of liver failure earlier this year, well a couple of weeks ago we lost another one.

I woke up in the middle of the night to what I thought was a cat fight. I got up went downstairs, turned on the floodlights and saw and heard nothing. The next day we were missing Sammy, one of the two kittens we took in from a friend last November. He wasn't small for an almost a year old cat, and he looked bigger because of his fluffy long hair, but not big enough to fight off a coyote.

I told the kids he must have run away and found a new family, but I know what I heard that night was a coyote running off with our cat. He must have put up a hell of a fight, but it didn't turn out good for him. We're upset, but he wasn't a favorite and obviously replaceable. I think we just have to know living here in the mountains that if you let your pets outside at night they can get eaten.

So anyway. I took the kids to the pound supposedly to look to see if someone had turned in Sammy and we fell in love with Sugar. I've never had an orange cat so he jumped out right away.

So far he's doing okay and helping to console Sammy's lonely brother PeeWee by fighting with him constantly.

Obviously nothing else spectacular is going on in our lives since I'm writing about my cats. I am a cat lady and always will be. If there is nothing else to talk about I can always gush about my animals. Entertaining? Not really? I know.

Feelin Fine

2010-07-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

Things are finally feeling setteled this week, even though it's only Monday.

I think I have figured things out. I more or less know what kind of a career I want for the rest of my life and I have a plan to get there. It's kind of exciting and it's kind of a relief.

I've written so many times about how hard it is to not be an architect after all the time I've invested to become one. That was a heavy weight on my shoulders. But now that I've decided that I want to work in a library the path seems laid out neatly in front of me.

It's a clear path with very definite white gravel to follow. It's not a muddy trail through the woods.

Loan Mod Results

2010-07-08T15:31:00.001-07:00

Final installment of my loan modification story.....

We got docs! The low down on the low payment is that it is interest only. It's not what I really wanted, but it's the best offer we could possibly get. Payments start at an amazing $1600 and then go up incrementally over the next 5 years from 3% interest up to 5% interest. After that we have no idea what our payment will be, but the interest rate will still be 5%, but then the principle will start to be added in with what remains, so payments could go huge after that. We are encouraged to pay more than the minimum interest only so that we are still paying down the principle. We will pay more, I just have to run the numbers and see what we want to add and what we can afford while things are still tight (me not working as an architect).

We are still waiting to see what CitiMortgage says. I'm still waiting on the "packet" to get things started. Apparently the packet can take 3 months to arrive. I'm not holding my breath.

Damn it's hot today. That never happens here, but I honestly think it's over 90 degrees.

Flagstaff Fourth of July Parade

2010-07-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

Dang it's been like a whole week.

It must be because Fourth of July is my absolute favorite holiday. There are no expectations, no family obligations, just pure summer fun with sunburns, parades, ice cream, corn on the cob, and grilled meat.
So I've been keeping to myself, too busy to come here and bitch and complain.

This year in the annual Flagstaff Fourth of July parade the stars where the firemen, the Hot Shots, as they are called around here. They dress in yellow shirts, carry axes and chain saws and wear either brown or Forest Service green pants. They got the standing ovation this year and it just sent shivers down my spine. Theses are no ordinary firemen. They are the guys who get sent into the forest to try and create fire breaks in the forest fires. They cart miles and miles of hose deep into the forest to dry and soak portions of the forest that are threatened. They had just finished putting out one of the biggest fires I can remember and some of them even had singed pants as they walked thru the street of downtown with their axes on their shoulders. It was amazing.
That is what the Fourth of July is for. It's when we all come together to celebrate what it means to be an American. There may be numerous religions and political agendas paraded too, but the ones that always get me, and everyone else, are the local heroes that we can all get behind and just feel like plain old Americans.... not Catholic or Jewish or gay or straight or Libertarian or Republican, but just members of the United States, the State of Arizona, and the City of Flagstaff.

2010-06-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

I know it's a cheap tactic, but it got your attention right?

I think I'm getting pretty serious about this whole going back to school thing. It seems entirely possible, affordable (thank to our loan mod), and exciting. I went so far today as to search Monster for what kinds of jobs are open to librarians. There are some really cool jobs out there. I was impressed. They all sounded like fun, except for the law and medical library jobs. There were even a few for architecture and interior design firms. Jackpot!

So on that note things seem to be looking up.

I would even go so far as to say that it has given me something to look forward to. I think a big part of my spring breakdown was me just being anxious over what to do with the rest of my life. It's a huge thing to go through school, 7 years of internship, 9 grueling exams, to be an architect and then just plain change my mind. It was altering. Being an architect is more than just a job. It really does define who you are and when I can't answer what I do for a living with something as impressive as, "I'm an architect", I think I lost a little bit of my identity. It sucks to not have a real job. I mean I enjoy working for our family businesses and I get paid a little for it, but it's not like it's my calling in life. I don't really get too excited about quarterly tax filings and payroll. It's fun, but it's not what I want to do forever.

I want to DO something myself. Sure I write and I have my rugs and my kids to keep me occupied, but I need more. Being a librarian seems like just the right thing to do. I would be surrounded by books or maps or drawings all day, putting them in to order. There is nothing boldly creative about it, but I can honestly say that I never get tired of books. I've gotten tired of writing, tired of my rugs, tired of drawing and most definitely tired of city building departments and contractors, but never tired of books.

More Loan Mod Tirade

2010-06-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm still trying to find out the terms of our loan mod that comes with a $1630 payment. No word back yet from my negotiator who lost my docs back in April.

I've been calling all over this morning trying to find out what's going on so that I can make the July 1 payment.

I sent off one last frantic e-mail to the negotiator while I was on hold with some asinine department deep in the bowels of Bank of America, asking him to please get back in touch with me regarding my documents.

This is the response that I got back,

"I had to redo the docs and there were some things missing so your payment won’t be due till 9/01/2010."

WTF to the millionth degree.

So now I'm freaking out because in the computer system at B of A is says I have a July payment due. I'm sure my negotiator will eventually update the computer system, but in the meantime what are the drones at B of A going to do after I've not paid for the last 4 months.

I'm also freaking out because the last time we had to go back and redo the docs my new modified payments went from $2700 to $1630 and I sure as hell don't want that fabulous $1600 payment to get away.

I put all of this back into a response to my negotiator's response of not having a payment until Sept, but we shall see if he responds.

Loan Mod and Career Update

2010-06-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I finally got a call from our new negotiator.
He claimed he sent me docs back at the end of April.
I was like WTF.... havent' you been getting my weekly e-mails asking what's going on, what's my new payment and when's it due?
He apologized profusely and said he would call be back once he found out what happened to my docs and could get new copies mailed to me.
He was about to hand up and I was like," Whoa, Whoa, hold on there a minute. While I've got you on the phone I need more info!"
He claimed that our new payment is indeed $1630.00!!!!!!!!!!! and due July 1.
I still don't know the math behind that and I won't until he sends me the freakin docs.
So I guess that's good news and I'm still waiting for a callback.

In other news.......

New possible career track: Library and Information Science.

I've been researching it at the library for the past couple of weeks and then this week I looked up some masters degree programs that can be taken online or with just a week or two of residency. It looks really cool and like something I would like. I would love to work at the public library or at a school library, but even more fun would be to work at an architecture library or for a large architecture firm taking care of all of their drawing and material libraries. That just gets me all a tingle. Of course those fancy architectural librarian jobs would not be located in Flagstaff. We would have to relocate, but in the meantime while the kids are in school I would love to work at NAU.

What's that going to cost?
I could go to my Alma mater, the University of Illinois, for full online degree and it would cost around $36K.
Or I could go to the University of Arizona in Tuscon for around $10K.

Hmmmm that's a tough one. I'll have to keep investigating.

Flagstaff Fires

2010-06-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

I know I'm slacking off this week. We are finally getting into the groove of swimming lessons and dance lessons and summer movies and it's sucking up most of my internet time. That and I really am trying to finish my rug in the next few weeks.

Also we've got these raging fires going on. This was the view Sunday afternoon from our back deck, the day the big fire started. It doesn't look quite so menacing today, but it is still burning. It has reached the inner basin of the mountain. That means that: our mountain used to be a volcano, then a huge part blew off, and there is a big hole in the middle called the inner basin, that is where the fire is now.

There are helicopters all over the place watching the fire, but it seems like they are just letting most of it burn. The area where it is now is very difficult to reach with vehicles, so they are fighting the fires on the front where it could threaten homes and letting it burn in the wilderness. Luckily the wind has died down and it is blowing all that smoke away from our house and sending it east towards the Painted Desert.

The kids were a little freaked out on Sunday and Monday. We tried to reassure them that there is nothing that we wouldn't be able to replace if our house burned down, we would have plenty of time to evacuate, our house is made of solid rock and cement, and fires are much easier to prepare for than hurricanes, tornadoes, or earthquakes.

Loan Modification Update

2010-06-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while.....

This isn't so much of an update as it is a tirade.

I'm not going to write a lot, but just say that I am currently on hold and waiting for someone anyone to tell me what is going on with my B of A loan mod. I'm getting so many different stories about what is taking so long, what payment is due when that it is driving me crazy.

Now I've been told that there is a hold up because I have not sent in my most recent paystubs and bank statements. Well who was going to tell me that I was supposed to send those in? A B of A fairy? I freaking call in every week and now I'm told there has been a hold since May?

Charles Kerry...... have some respect for those you are negotiating for. Call and contact and reassure and tell us what the fuck is going on.

Photos of Mom

2010-06-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

I often find that pictures of me are few and far between. I would love to have a few glossy photos of myself when I am looking my best, but as a mother that never seems to happen.

I am always the one taking the pictures or if and when my dear husband is taking them he seems to focus on the children or try and take weird artsy photos of me from WAY too close up. (See my photo on this page). Either that or he seems to get an odd angle of my ass or my boobs that make them look disproportionally large compared to the rest of my body (FYI my tits are in fact huge but my ass is not)

Everytime we have tried to have a "professional" photograph taken it looks horrible, although I'm not sure Sears or JCPenney counts as "professional".

I wonder how much it would cost to have a real photographer follow me around for a day or a week and take photos of me at my best. I need someone with a good eye and a knowledge of how to capture those awsome shots that catch the essence of who you are. I want someone to take pictures of me reading and baking and writing or laughing at something one of the kids has said or done. I just want a whole day of honest black and white photos of me as a mom. Sounds simple enough...... just a document of an ordinary summer day as a mom. The good the bad and the ugly.

The Excitement of June 15th

2010-06-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

1. Payroll tax deposit are due.

2. I will bake something today... probably some banana chocolate chip muffins or some blond brownies.

3. Dance class starts this afternoon for my 4 year old.

4. I need to call State Farm to use our $500 deductible to get our $1200 Land Rover windshield replaced.

5. I have yet to write my 1000 words for the day.

6. I have a large shipment coming from Amazon today including many beautiful picture books of New Orleans and the new Live at the Fillmore Chris Isaak CD.

7. If I have time after all of the above I will return to my studio and do another ring on my rug. Yes I spent several hours in there yesterday which is why I did not post to this my awesome blog.

I have noticed recently that both my blog posts and my Facebook status updates have suffered due to my intake of mind controlling drugs. My crazy seems to have slipped away and sometimes I miss it. I was flying high before on my uncontrollable mind and now I am regrettably significantly less crazy. While on one hand I am grateful, on the other hand I miss my violent mood swings and the strange places my mind used to wander. On this side of the fence life is slightly less interesting, but much more endurable.

My Birthday

2010-06-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

Today is my, big sigh, 35th birthday.

I am now officially in my mid-thirties, not my early-thirties and I don't like it one bit. I don't mind the age so much, but I don't particularly like the number. I would much rather by 36. It sounds so much cooler than 35.

I am contemplating what to do today. I really don't want to spend the day refereeing the children around the house, reading, doing laundry and applying band-aids. We need to get out and do something, but the most exciting thing I can think of involves shopping at Target, still not something I think is quite right for spending my 35th birthday.

Tonight we will go out to my favorite restaurant, have one of those delicious pizza-cookies with vanilla bean ice cream on top and my dear husband will present me with some carefully selected presents he chose from my Amazon shopping cart. That is a perfect way to spend the night, but what about the day?

Bowling, the movies, the park, a hike, the creek, Barnes and Noble? It's hard to step out of the box of habits and see what else this town has to offer. Maybe we will cruise on down to Sedona, throw some rocks in the creek, hit up a rock shop and call it a day. Maybe I'm making too big a deal of it and we should just stay home and go with the flow.

Birthdays can be so stressful just trying to decide what you really want to do with a day that is supposedly "yours".

New Orleans is calling my Name

2010-06-09T12:56:00.001-07:00

I have had this wicked obsession lately with New Orleans, Anne Rice, and specifically the Garden District.
I have never been to New Orleans, but it has been calling my name for a very long time. It's one of those southern cities that I dream about like Charleston and Savannah, places where there are so many beautiful houses I'm afraid I might pass out from the overwhelming beauty.

I called both Bank of America and Citi Mortgage this morning and there is still no news. If they still can't get their crap together and we still don't have to make mortgage payments for July 1, I think I'm going to have to buy a plane ticket to New Orleans and give in to my overwhelming desire to walk through the streets of the Garden District.

I almost feel as if I am in a city I don't belong in here in Flagstaff since we have nothing that could be called decent historical housing. We have one house, the Riordan Mansion, that while interesting for the area, is nothing like the houses I grew up in in Illinois. I have such a need to walk in and see and feel old houses, that I am purposely depriving myself of one of my one true loves by living in a city that prides itself on it's western heritage and abundance of log cabins and railroad depots.

I can pore over my Dover Victorian house plan books, and check out every architectural picture book at the library, but it's not the same as walking into a huge historical home with light fixtures, door hardware, and woodwork that smells of history and well-crafted housing. Oh it's giving me the shivers just thinking about it....metal push button light switches, butler pantries, back staircases, leaded glass windows, banisters and railing that seem to go on for miles, libraries, the front hall, hexagon tile floors, and built in dressers, creaking wooden floors, worn carpets, deep verandas and sun rooms and sleeping porches.

Oh I need to see an old house before I melt into a puddle on the floor.