Letters from Texas

Well that settles that.

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:13:00 +0000

Remember the dust-up resulting from the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission raiding a gay bar in Fort Worth, which ended with injuries, not to mention serious questions regarding harassment?

Well, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has been cleared of all serious wrong-doing by...the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission.

I'm glad they could clear that up. Now, where's the next shiny object?

Austin News Briefs

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:33:00 +0000

Public weighs in on Austin's "texting while driving" ban

The Austin City Council's recent move banning motorists from text messaging while driving has resulted in many Austinites congratulating councilmembers through the very social media outlets the council regulated.

"Congrats on passing the anti-texting ordinance," one Austinite text messaged to Councilmember Mike Martinez, the primary author of the measure. "What R U wearing, big boy?" the citizen added moments later.

"I'm glad the city raised my awareness about the dangers of texting while driving," said one Austin woman via Facebook. "What with all the text messages I used to send from IH-35 every morning, I barely had time to read the newspaper, smoke a cigarette, put on my make-up, eat my Mickey D's sausage biscuit with egg, and finish the New York Times crossword on my way to work," she added.

Responding to our text message seeking comment, Martinez replied, "I was pleased to sponsor this important measure, and proud of my fellow councilmembers for agreeing with me." According to a subsequent police accident report, no one was injured when moments later Martinez reportedly plowed into the back of a Toyota Tercel while giving his scalp its morning shave.

Democrats applaud Hank Gilbert's proposals on gay, bisexual, and transgendered Texans

At a press conference yesterday, Austin Democrats applauded new gay rights policy proposals rolled out by Democratic gubernatorial candidate Hank Gilbert. Gilbert's plan includes the state recognizing same-sex unions, making it easier to change the gender on a birth certificate, and requiring universities to recognize same-sex domestic partnerships.

By any valid civil rights measure, the proposals are the right thing to do. Out-of-touch Austinites who have some delusional view that a few scattered Texans may not completely embrace Gilbert's proposals were quickly shouted down.

"Finally - a candidate for governor with the courage to commit political suicide before the filing period even opens. This is the one I've been waiting for," said one activist.

"I'm so tired of candidates for public office not speaking out and doing the right thing on an issue, just because to do so would mean it's a sure bet that they won't win the election, take office, and accomplish a single thing for Texas. This is a big step forward," said another.

In 2005, the most recent time Texas voters have weighed in on a gay rights measure, of the 254 counties in Texas, 253 of them voted to reject the notion of gay marriage. Democratic political analysts all agreed that the time is ripe for the Gilbert campaign to win Democratic hearts and minds with his bold proposals, and that the move puts him in a great position to launch a massive issues education effort with all the extra contributions which have been pouring into his campaign. They agreed that the move sets up Gilbert to become the prohibitive frontrunner in Clarksville, parts of Travis Heights, one neighborhood in Houston, and at former State Representative Glen Maxey's house.

Contacted for reaction to the Gilbert plan, Tom Schieffer said something unintelligible, then added that people know him in Fort Worth. Kinky Friedman, for his part, had no particular reaction to reporters' questions on the matter, instead continuing to bogart a doobie and eat dinner directly from the Doritos bag.

Ultra-conservative Republican Gubernatorial candidate to air Spanish-language ads

Debra Medina, the Republican running for Governor who is so conservative she thinks Rick Perry is a wuss, announced yesterday she will air Spanish-language TV ads in her Republican primary election.

Medina, whose last name was acquired through marriage and who is reportedly of German and Bohemian heritage, characterized herself in an Austin American-Statesman interview only as a "wife and mother, a nurse and a patriot." She did not, however, mention anything about being "a wackadoodle."

Media consultants specializing in Latino communications applauded the ad, and said that the "go home - I hate you all" subliminal message was barely noticable to the untrained eye.

T-Squared opens shop

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:11:00 +0000

This morning the staff of the Texas Tribune flipped the switch and went live with their much-anticipated new Texas political news portal. It is, at first glance, everything the Trib's Evan Smith has said all along it would be, and more.

I can practically smell the innovation. I can practically hear Smith and Ross Ramsey (the other Trib boss) preaching to the staff that "we're not going to do it like everybody else does it," and preaching it in words fired so quickly that only the caffeine-addicted can keep up. One can practically hear the "oh crap!'s" of major daily newspaper editors and publishers as they sit down at their computers with their coffee this morning, seeing the massive amount of news and information running circles around the products of their own papers' newsrooms, in many cases produced by the same journalists who months ago were under-valued writers at those newspapers.

Months ago, political Texans were all asking each other, "what do you think about this Tribune thing?" I said from the start that I thought the start-up would be a good thing, which would not only aggregate some of the best Texas political writers' work and give them the freedom to do more of it, but also force everybody else in traditional media to step up their game. And every time I said it with great confidence, I wondered if it was true.

Now that I see the site live, I know it is. There's more useful news and information on today's front page alone, on the opening day, than one would get from the sum total of every political newsclip from every major daily newspaper in Texas for a week or two. And, oh yeah, the Trib also has all those major dailys' newsclips on their site too.

There are, no doubt, challenges ahead for the Trib. Foremost among them is the lingering worry that, once the dust settles and the "newness" wears off, the business model might not work. Equally challenging is how they'll keep up the pace of producing a massive amount of content day-after-day. Afterall, writing and delivering the news isn't a sprint - it's a long distance run.

Also challenging, and instructive, will be how they handle the task of picking themselves up and brushing themselves off, following the inevitable mistakes and snafus to which startup companies always seem prone. I already see one possible pitfall - they've managed to contract with a polling outfit many find questionable. I might be mistaken, but isn't this the same outfit which contracted with newspapers for years not because they were good, but because they were cheap - and even so, one-by-one newspapers abandoned the arrangements because of quality issues? I guess time will tell whether the polls are worthy of the Trib, but on this front they'll have to prove it to me.

I also wonder some of the same things they may not yet know at the Trib, because they probably haven't re-invented it yet - like how a publication which isn't a "newspaper of record" will cover urgent breaking news. Like how they'll make things right when they get it wrong. Like how they'll avoid blurring the lines between news and analysis such that they don't draw excessive fire, while at the same time not being afraid to present solid analysis.

What I'm not skeptical about is the Tribune's ability to adjust, improve, and evolve such that the product is high quality, the interest remains high, and folks are armed with more news and information than they have been for years. I know the people involved, and if the Trib leadership can avoid burning them out (sometimes a big trick among start-ups), they'll keep producing and innovating.

Texas politics is the greatest full contact sport in America. The Tribune's roll-out appears at first glance to be a product worthy of the sport. And remind me I said that, after the first time they totally burn somebody I like.

We interrupt our regularly-scheduled broadcast...

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:53:00 +0000

...to bring you this very important breaking news update.

This has been a Letters From Texas breaking news update. We now return you to your regular-scheduled programming.

First Alberto Gonzales, now Dick Cheney!

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:58:00 +0000

Oh, the inhumanity! Isn't there anybody who can stop the scourge of this terrible dementia robbing prominent Republicans of their memories?

This invention will not only save lives...

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:49:00 +0000

...but it will also vastly improve morale during times of crisis.

Too big to fail

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:50:00 +0000

In a recent trip to the massive Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters warehouse, international shipping center, and outlet store the other day to review the archives, and also to mull over heartlessly laying off everybody and outsourcing all of it to India, I was somewhat surprised at the frequency with which I have poked fun at Texas Monthly magazine.

I have done so at least to some extent here, here, here, here, and oh-my-God-so-most-especially here. To their credit, the private reactions from those lampooned have been very good humored.

But it's time to give the publication the credit it deserves. In fact, it's about five weeks overdue.

Five weeks ago, I walked into a little diner in the Big Bend region for lunch, and after eating a cheeseburger, commented to the waitress how great the burger was. With significant bitterness and no hesitation, she replied, "well I think so too, but apparently those asses at Texas Monthly don't have any taste, because the Gage Hotel [just down the road] made the list of best burgers in Texas, for their damn buffalo burger, but they didn't even try ours and we didn't make the list."

Well fair enough, I thought, I'll test the theory. On the same trip I went over to the Gage and ordered their buffalo burger (which, notably, was on sale all month, in honor of the TM award). TM was right - it was better.

But, so what if Texas Monthly hadn't been right? Because the diner waitress' remark had been so grumpy, it stuck in my mind, which is probably why I noticed over the following weeks that one can step into countless restaurants in any region of Texas and frequently see, nicely framed and proudly displayed near the front door, Texas Monthly issues from years past in which the restaurant was mentioned. Those establishments know that a mention in TM indicates at least credibility, and at most, superior quality.

It's the same on the TM political front. Setting aside how challenging it must be for Patti Hart and Paul Burka to cover what is fundamentally breaking news in a monthly publication, whether you love it or hate it, it's obvious that their coverage has serious impact. Every political utterance from TM's direction is instantly followed by standing ovations from the beneficiaries, and a great gnashing of teeth from the victims.

There's a prevailing theory in science that mere observation changes that which is being observed. An anthropology team cannot expect to parachute into the tribal village in the Amazon jungle with video cameras rolling, and expect the natives to go about their business as if nothing different is happening. The mere observation becomes a game-changer.

Love 'em or hate 'em, that's what Texas Monthly is to Texas. What is said about politics in Texas Monthly becomes the point from which the political debate continues. If the magazine says your burgers are better, more people are going to buy your burgers, whether they're actually better or not. We can wish that the coverage was different, but we can't accurately argue that it doesn't make a difference.

It really has shockingly little to do with whether we think they're right or wrong - it has to do with their institutional and cultural credibility. And on the political front, a culture in which both the left and the right continually lament the growing lack of political journalism, longstanding impact is a pretty good deal. We can argue all we want that the coverage should be better, and we often do, but the mere fact that we bother to argue about it proves the point that the publication has an impact that matters.

So, Texas Monthly, keep firing curveballs over home plate. Because as long as you're doing what you do, we - politicos and waitresses alike - will at least have something to swing at.

Ironic Statesman.com moment of the day so far

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:50:00 +0000

Gosh, I sure hope those drought conditions ease, what with all these heavy rains and flash floods today.

[click the photo to enlarge]

Quit your whining, El Paso

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:59:00 +0000

No need to thank God for Mississippi on this measure, El Paso, because you're number 1.

Houston: don't gloat - you're number 8.

Looking for an American hero?

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Meet Mr. Spooner, an 86-year-old combat veteran who testified earlier this year in a public hearing in Maine, on a marriage equality bill. I don't think they make "lifetime Republicans" in Texas like this one.

Legislative Process 101: How a bill becomes a flaw

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:12:00 +0000

I get calls all the time from folks who think they want to work for various legislators in the state Capitol, who want me to tell them what they might expect. They usually don't know much about it, but they know they want to make a difference. For that I applaud them.

But to save time in the future, here's what one can expect, working in the capitol while the legislature is in session: impossible working conditions, complicated by impossible bosses making impossible demands on impossible timelines. You will sometimes be in the office before sunrise, and you'll still be there long after sunset. By the time the session is over, your significant other will have left you, and in the event they haven't already starved to death, your pets won't recognize you and out of desperation will likely gnaw off your foot in your sleep. Your already-acknowledged drinking problem will have evolved into full-fledged alcoholism. And those are the benefits. You'll love it.

As for what to expect during the interim, when the legislature's not in session, here's a typical Capitol staff hard at work on a special project while the boss is back home in the district.

A little funditry to start off the week

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:15:00 +0000

There is little doubt that you, the crap-reading public, have been patiently waiting with bated breath for my amazingly insightful opinion on how the statewide Democratic ticket is likely to shape up. You and your breath need not wait any longer - let's get to it:

The U.S. Senate race, if there is one, will feature either Bill White or John Sharp. Let's pick Sharp, for discussion purposes.

The governor's race may evolve such that Tom Schieffer steps aside, dominated by hair care tycoon Farouk Shami's millions. So let's assume it'll be Shami, by a hair.

Meanwhile, with that massive fire burning in his belly for public service, Schieffer won't just take his marbles and go home, so let's assume he'll move into the Lt. Governor's race.

As for Attorney General, Senator Eliot Shapleigh didn't just announce on Friday that he wasn't running for re-election to the Texas Senate so he could stay home and knit, and he's a hell of a lawyer. A.G. could be his ultimate play.

I look for an unexpected dark horse to jump in and run statewide, since one usually does, and can think of no one better than former State Representative Sue Schechter (D-Houston) to jump back into the ring. Sue's been making moves toward running for countywide office anyway, so if you're going to dream, why not dream big? Harris County is a huge base from which to run statewide. Comptroller? Land Commissioner? It could happen.

There you have it: a Sharp-Shami-Schieffer-Shapleigh-Schechter ticket.

Sho, ashuming I'm right, surely Democratsh in the lone shtar shtate will shine. And if the shtatewide candidatesh do well, Democratsh in the shtate Housh of Represhentativesh will shtymie the Republicansh' effortsh, which shuck.

Our motto: "you can tell us from shinola."

There's really only one political consultant who could handle this job. Call George Shipley.

Note to Florence Shapiro: I told you that you should have switched parties. Too late now - train's left the station.

This has been your Letters From Texas funditry moment.

It was almost like a thong, but it was much too thad to write

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 02:12:00 +0000

I've been carefully following the updates on Leslie Cochran's injury and subsequent hospitalization. I'm very happy that the original grim predictions have moved to being cautiously optimistic. But still, word is that Leslie may never get back to the point where he's out on the streets of Austin, where his sister says he wants to be, entertaining us, and being such a key part of the local social fabric.

I share a couple of important attitudes with my fellow curmudgeonly Austinites:

1. Austin was exactly the right size the day after I got here; and

2. Change is bad.

In keeping with the spirit of both, I'm sad that Leslie Cochran isn't up to his old tricks these days.

For readers not as familiar with Austin, Leslie is a local icon. He's reportedly homeless most of the time. He's a cross-dresser who prefers to identify as a male. He ran for public office several times, and got a lot of votes. They sell refrigerator magnets of Leslie in stores here, complete with mix-and-match outfits, which I proudly own (the magnet, not the outfits - puleeze). He used to frequently protest against the local police, who harassed him incessantly before they finally realized he'd won the P.R. war. He serves as city-wide comic relief, but also as frequent reminder of our societal shortcomings, all in one package. A deliberately-outrageous and somewhat slinky package, complete with both stiletto heels and scruffy beard. His public shtick may well provide him some respite from dark personal calamities for all we know. But for the most part, the people of Austin laugh with him, not at him.

Around Austin, one sees Leslie often and everywhere. His main headquarters is near the corner of 6th Street and Congress, and his modus operandi is to wear the smallest amount of clothing possible, in the most outrageous way. Every spring, the Leslie thong collection re-appears, modeled by him live and in living color on Congress Avenue. In fact, on at least two occasions I can remember, I was driving South on Congress, approaching Leslie as he faced away from me a couple of blocks down the street, and after a startled glance I would think to myself, "wow, who is that woman with the fine ass wearing nothing but a thon....oh DAMN IT LESLIE YOU DID IT TO ME AGAIN!"

One of the first pieces ever written on this blog was about Leslie, after I spotted him at the Pecan Street festival wearing a high school cheerleader outfit (on him, not me - STOP THAT). I snapped a picture and wrote a story around it. What I didn't write is that I had to wait several minutes until I could take the picture, because of the crush of the crowd already taking pictures and getting his autograph. It's like that all the time for Leslie. Everybody wants to say hello, get a picture, or buy him a drink (he prefers high end single malt scotch), so they can tell all their friends they met Leslie Cochran. Sandra Bullock and Lance Armstrong are out and about in Austin all the time and most people don't bother them, but Leslie always gets mobbed. In fact, at some point I bet he's been mobbed by Sandra Bullock or Lance Armstrong (who may well have been mobbing above his station. But I digress).

Austin always seems like it's getting less Austiny. And now with Leslie in the hospital, followed by a lengthy rehab, it's going to be even less Austiny around here for a while. His absence is our loss.

I hope he thinks he's had a pretty good ride so far, all things considered. It's not just anybody who gets to be famous merely for being the person they are. Leslie has always been easy for the Austin community to embrace.That he lives so outrageously and with such good humor certainly makes him impossible to ignore, like other homeless people usually are. We might want to stop and think about that a bit.

So Leslie please get well soon, and get back to the antics we've grown to fondly depend on. Meanwhile, if you're bored in rehab and reading this, I will leave you this thought, which is one you might personally value highly:

Leslie, I don't care what anybody says -- at least from a distance...that's one great ass.

[Contribute to the ARCH/Frontsteps]

[photo credit: Shawn McHorse]
[H/T to Whiskeydent, whose rantings inspired the headline]

FUBAR-Cam Update, and Random Friday Mind-Crossings

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:31:00 +0000

1. Is it just me, or did the thought cross your mind yesterday that somewhere on earth, a minority kid is pretending to be trapped in a runaway balloon, while actually hiding in a cardboard box in the attic, and the media is completely ignoring it?

2. Also crossing my mind yesterday while watching the flying jiffy pop for 3 hours: as a result, we're now 3 hours behind on CNN failing to tell us how our various wars are going, how health care reform is proceeding, or how the economy's faring. More in line with CNN's realities, we're also 3 hours behind CNN giving us the latest useless, yet breathless, update on Michael Jackson, who is reportedly still dead.

3. Yesterday after work I went to the dogcanyon.org party at the Broken Spoke. I haven't been to the Spoke since Speakers Night under the Gib Lewis administration, immediately after the earth's crust cooled. It hasn't changed a bit - it still looks like it's about to cave in, and still smells like 72 years worth of walks of shame. In other words, it's perfect.

The first thing I noticed was that driving to South Austin during rush hour takes about as long as it would to drive to the actual Dog Canyon in Big Bend. The second thing I noticed is that once I got all the way down there, I discovered that, as it turns out, all the people who would show up to a dogcanyon.org party are the same people who show up at all the other parties.

One highlight was DC.org founder Glenn Smith persuading a not-very-hesitant Elliott ~~Naishtar~~ Naishtat to reenact his mountain lion impersonation from years ago. Actually, that's a lie - it wasn't a highlight. That impersonation couldn't hold a crowd when Naishtat first did it a decade ago in Marathon, Texas, but here's a real highlight: Glenn Smith on guitar and his very talented daughter Katie Smith on fiddle, joining the Sunset Valley Boys for a couple of songs.

[photo by Barbara Schlief, whose i-phone totally trumps my blackberry. Go see Barbara's real photos here and hire her for your next gig, or the terrorists win]

William Wayne Justice, 1920-2009

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:01:00 +0000

Judge William Wayne Justice passed away yesterday, which probably marks the end of an era in Federal jurisprudence in Texas.

To most Americans, the judicial branch has always been the murkiest and most unfamiliar of the 3 branches of government, mainly because the lack of elections lessens the drama, and therefore lessens the amount of news and information.

But if you live in Texas, your world is very different because of Judge Justice's work. Because of his rulings, Texas' public education system is more educational. Texas' criminal justice system is more just. Texas' public health care delivery systems deliver more health care to more Texans in need. Besides transportation, those are the 3 big-ticket items state governments are supposed to do for its citizens, affecting the lives of more human beings than any other functions of government. So as bad as you may think it is, it would be far worse without the tireless work of William Wayne Justice.

He treated the law as a weapon on behalf of those short of any other ammunition, and he delivered most of his landmark decisions from a courthouse in conservative East Texas, where his neighbors reacted to Justice's actions with scorn and death threats, all of which he happily ignored.

If you ever read about him in the newspaper, it was probably in the context of conservatives using him as their poster child as they scream "activist judges!," when those same conservative Republicans don't mind judicial activism when it furthers their own conservative causes.

I only met Judge Justice twice. The first time was in East Texas, where he and my then-boss John Hannah (who was Texas' Secretary of State at the time, but who would soon join Justice on the Federal bench), met for coffee in Tyler, and I got to tag along. Others in the coffee shop were polite, and some even stopped by the table to say hello, but the glares and murmurings at the other tables at the coffee shop weren't lost on me. Justice was doing his best to dismantle an unjust and longstanding way of life on several fronts. Hannah, earlier as a Federal prosecutor, had put scores of corrupt, and highly popular, East Texas county officials in prison. It crossed my mind at the time that we probably needed a food taster for the table.

The interesting thing about the times, and those men, was that as much as conservative East Texans deplored what Justice and Hannah were doing in dragging Texas out of the 19th century, it was also clear that the East Texans had deep personal respect for both men. I bet if either of the two had become candidates for electoral office, they would have had the overwhelming support of most East Texas voters anyway. In fact, Hannah once ran for state Attorney General, and did indeed get East Texans' support.

William Wayne Justice positively changed the course of history every chance he got, over the course of decades, and never worried how people might react. While true that structurally, only Federal judges fully have that luxury (by design, thank goodness), one always got the impression after talking with the Judge that he would have done it anyway, and if they didn't like it, the hell with 'em.

Maybe his fate was locked in when he was born into a family named "Justice." But for whatever reason, his legacy is a proud one.

May this mighty warrior rest in peace.

They've got it all in D-FW this weekend

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:04:00 +0000

The good news:
Great football - UT versus OU. The Texas State Fair. The Fort Worth Stockyards. A gay "kiss-in" at the Fort Worth Stockyards.

The bad news:
The gay kiss-in in Fort Worth is the same day as the football game in Dallas, so some of you football fans are going to have to choose.

My advice:
You Oklahoma fans might as well scoot on over to Fort Worth, since you're likely to get all puckered up either place this Saturday.

Key quote: "Manners are manners,” he said. “If they don't act right among cowboys, maybe they need to get a good whipping."

...and speaking of friendly contests

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:47:00 +0000

It's "that week" again. Put your best guess in the comments section on what's happened to this kid since this picture appeared on national TV.

Let's have us a friendly little contest...

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 03:04:00 +0000

...to see how long you can stomach watching this video clip of our very own Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-idiculous), who started out speaking in opposition to a sexual orientation provision in a hate crimes bill, but quickly ricocheted off into crazytown with discussions on bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, the tried-and-true "I'm not a racist because I once voted for a black man too," and wraps it up with "the little guy with the mustache" in Germany from the 1940's.

Yep, all this from a sexual orientation provision in a hate crimes bill. (key quote: "some say 'that sounds like fun'...")

I think I gave up at a minute forty-five. Beat that score.

Dear Lt. Governor Dewhurst:

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:00:00 +0000

I think this could totally work for a special session of the Texas Senate, don't you think? Maybe for Perry's next state-of-the-state address? I bet they wouldn't call him "goodhair" after that, huh? Don't say no right off, just give it a thought. Thanks in advance.

I now pronounce you husband, wife, and Commander-In-Chief

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:26:00 +0000

Ah, weddings. There's nothing like 'em. The feel of change, promise, and better things yet to come is in the air. The best weddings reflect that feeling well, and this slide show created for one couple's wedding is certainly no exception.

(H/T: KXAN)

Tom DeLay finally confesses!

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:18:00 +0000

He finally came clean:
"I'm insane or stupid, I can't figure out which."

Tom DeLay's dancing: the early years

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:42:00 +0000

Can't you see the resemblance?

I wonder what could have tipped off the cops?

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:03:00 +0000

Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters will not under any circumstances stoop to making fun of the name of the first suspect in this prostitution arrest.

Texas. It's like a whole other country.

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:41:00 +0000

A country, incidentally, in which the cops can take your stuff, then sell it to pay for the legal defense for taking your stuff.

Dear Representative Warren Chisum:

noreply@blogger.com (FUBAR) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:44:00 +0000

I am sure you noted with interest, as I did, the report in the Dallas Morning News regarding the Dallas judge who has ruled, in the course of two gay guys trying to divorce, that the state Constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage is unconstitutional. Thus, the judge has ruled, this gay couple can proceed with their divorce.

While I am not your constituent, I write pleading for your help today because you have long been the keeper of the flame, so to speak.

Representative Chisum, I urge you in the strongest possible terms to stop this dangerous movement in its tracks. Any God-fearing Texan knows that the intense hatred involved in divorce should stay, as the good Lord intended, between one man and one woman. I believe, and I'm sure you agree, that to give homosexuals equal footing to hate each other alongside good Christian couples, who have grown to want each other dead, would mean the destruction of the traditional family!

Thanks in advance for your prompt legislative attention to this important matter.

Help Tom DeLay figure out which he is:
	Tom DeLay is insane
	Tom DeLay is stupid

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