Let the Nations Be Glad

Getting ready

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:28:00 +0000

(Go to the beginning of our adoption story)

Part 13

Getting ready and waiting for Talitha sent my mind in happy directions.

Driving past a playground that would have been "invisible" earlier: "I'll be sitting there again, watching."

Seeing a mother with her small child on a wrist leash: "I don't think I'll do that . . . but maybe."

Noticing a glider rocker at a store, I pictured it in the baby's room.

At a mall, I passed a mother followed by her daughter. They look so much alike, I thought. In 5 years I'll be the one with her daughter. No one will say how much we look alike, though. But maybe if people spend more time with us and see us in action, they might notice ways we're alike.

As eager as her new brothers were, there were some challenging moments for them. Twelve-year-old Barnabas was making room for his new sister by moving into the room with almost-15-year-old Abraham. He'd reminded me several times that we needed to patch the plaster and touch up the paint where poster putty had done some damage.

But when it came time to actually remove the cool life-sized athletes from the wall, the tears came. “Abraham won’t want my posters up in his room. There’s not enough room in there anyway. There’s nowhere for me to put my posters.”

“Never mind," I said, "we don’t have to do it right now." I put my arm around his shoulder and told him how much I appreciated his and Abraham's willingness to make changes for their new sister. I knew it wasn’t easy, but we’d try to make it work out happily.

So, Talitha's first decor was sports themed. Well, babies like big pictures of people, right? And there they were soaring over her crib.

Veterans Day

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:31:00 +0000

It is Veterans Day. It's hard to fathom the number of people who have served our country in military-related positions--people who have, under God, preserved the way of life we enjoy.

Abraham asked at his blog for suggestions of appropriate music for the day. I responded:

I can’t imagine a more stunning combination of battlefield and music than the scene at the end of the battle of Agincourt in Henry V.

“Let there be sung Non Nobis and Te Deum"--To God be all the Glory.

I give thanks to and for all who are serving and all who have served--and to God be all the Glory.

What does she look like?

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:52:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday inspired me to think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 12

When we agreed together that adopting was the way God was leading us, four things happened.

1. We called the friend who had "knocked on our door" on behalf of Talitha Ruth and said YES.

2. We began the mad rush to fulfill all the legal adoption requirements--home study, criminal record checks from all the places we've lived, and paperwork for both the state where she was born and for Minnesota, where we live. "Rush" because our daughter was waiting.

3. We told our children and the close friends who had been praying, but no one else yet. Not until the adoption was officially approved. (Although apparently Johnny taped a copy of the photo on his office door at church, creating a fair amount of curiosity.)

4. We received our first picture of Talitha.

Now, it really seemed real. SHE really seemed real. Every day I was more impatient to get my hands on her. Now that we'd said yes, but still had to wait on the legal wheels to turn, I felt as if I were missing out on a huge chunk of her life.

Memorable comment from our too-cool 14-year-old Abraham: "She'd be cute if she didn't have that thing on her head."

(to be continued)

Part 13

Qiu Ying & Wen Qing

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:10:00 +0000

(Part 3a of our adoption story)

Here's a little serendipity. I've been writing about digging out of chaos to make a new study for myself. And I've been telling the story of our adoption, which includes the story of Qiu Ying and Wen Qing.

Today in the process of putting boxes of photos into their new places in the new study, I found a photo of the 2 little Chinese girls.

I don't know any more where they are or how they are doing. But that doesn't keep us from praying for them, because God does know.

Qiu Ying (in blue), Wen Qing (in pink)

(part 4)

She is Talitha Ruth

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:59:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday inspired me to think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 11

Talitha Ruth -- You saw her name in the first sentence of my husband's sweet letter agreeing to adoption. We had already named our daughter even before we knew she would be ours.

As we'd waited for the births of our other children, we'd spent months considering names, thinking about meanings, about admirable people whose names we might use, about the sound of the names together. We wanted a child's name to have significance and to sound good when spoken.

As we thought and prayed together about whether to adopt, Johnny said one day, "If we were to adopt, what would we name her?" Pretty wise question to be asking, considering that we hadn't decided our last child's name until he was actually born--we'd needed every possible minute, and still were almost late.

He went on, "We still have four perfectly good girls' names we've never been able to use. Should we start by thinking of those?"

But this time, against custom, I said, "I think I already know her name." I wasn't sure what he'd think about a unilateral decision on such an important thing as a name.

For a couple of years, I'd often been going to sleep praying, maybe with tears, for a particular little girl that I hadn't met and maybe never would. I prayed that God would protect her, that he'd save her life. I prayed that maybe, perhaps, someday, he might let me know her.

At some point, I thought of the story of Jesus raising a little girl from the dead. He called her "Talitha." Mark 5:41 interprets the name as "little girl." In Aramaic, the language Jesus spoke, the word means "little she-lamb," and so it was a tender nickname for a little girl. "Little girl." That seemed like the right name to call the unknown child I was praying for.

Then later, I thought, "This little girl, this little Talitha," may be almost alone in the world. She needs to know the anchor of a family. Ruth was my mother-in-law, who had died in 1974. She is "Oma" to my children. In my prayers, "Ruth" was added to the little girl's name, honoring my mother-in-law whom I so much missed, and through her, honoring her son, my husband.

And so I said, "I think I already know her name, if it's okay with you. I've been praying for Talitha Ruth for a long time. If we decide together to adopt her, I think this is Talitha Ruth."

(to be continued)

Part 12

One of my favorite singers is in town

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:37:00 +0000

Marty Goetz

in concert at

Christ Presbyterian Church

Edina, Minnesota

free admission--love offering

Thursday, November 12

7:00 pm

Our friend, Paul Arneberg, does a great job of introducing Marty Goetz, in case you're not familiar with him already:

I first met my all-time favorite singer, Marty Goetz, in May 1993 when he was a guest and I was a performer on the SUNDAY NITE national radio variety show through Northwestern College Radio. I immediately loved his rich baritone voice, his fidelity to the Scriptures in his original music & lyrics, and his self-effacing, humble, and God-centered approach to commentary between songs. While backstage during that radio appearance by Marty in '93, one of my vocal performance mentors (Tim Sawyer) took note of Marty's ability to hold out long notes with perfect tone and said to me, "I have larynx envy."

Marty has a background in musical theatre, but his early "claim to fame" as an artist is that he was the accompanist for Debby Boone early in his walk with Christ.

Of most important significance to Marty's testimony and ministry, he is a Messianic Jew--a man raised in a thoroughly Jewish home in Cleveland, OH, but received Yeshua (Jesus) as Meschiach (Messiah) when he was a young adult. Due to Marty's love of the entire Scriptures (he often sings in Hebrew) with many Psalms set to music (and lots of emphasis on fulfilled Messianic prophecies), he has been described as "a modern-day psalmist" and "a modern-day David." He's even sung to thousands of Jews at a Christian evangelistic rally in Russia, personally witnessing more Jews receive Yeshua at one time anywhere in the world since the Book of Acts.

I organized two concerts for Marty at Bethlehem Baptist Church in 1994 & 1995, the latter time of which we had dinner together with John & Noel Piper.

This is short notice, but if any of you are free this Thursday, you will be blessed to see Marty in concert and be (re)introduced to his music! The concert is free, as Marty operates almost exclusively on a "love offering" basis.

The double-draw of this night is that the event is being sponsored by Good News For Israel, the oldest evangelical outreach to the Jewish people in North America. I listen to their radio show, "Faith Roots," nearly every day at 10:30 a.m. on AM 980 KKMS.

Glad to be grafted into the vine of Israel,
Paul Arneberg

The post you've been waiting for: Saying Yes to Adoption

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:24:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday inspired me to think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 10

Finally, I had to wait no longer. Johnny said yes, and wrote me a letter full of his thoughts on the matter. It is long, but you too have waited to hear this.

Dear Noël,

With confidence in the all-sufficient future grace of God, I am ready to move ahead with the adoption of Talitha Ruth. I want to thank you that during these years, when your heart has yearned to adopt a daughter, you have not badgered me or coerced me. You have been wonderfully patient. You have modeled faith in the sufficiency of prayer. You have always expressed support of me and my ministry even if we should never adopt. You have been reasonable in all our discussions and have come forth with your extensive rationale only when asked. You have honored my misgivings as worthy of serious consideration.

I realize more than ever that “the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” I am persuaded that this decision to adopt honors God more than not adopting. To my perspective it seems to be the path that will “spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples.” I believe it is the path of the greatest love. And therefore I have confidence that God is pleased with it.

I choose it not under constraint or with any reservation of commitment. I relinquish every thought that, because you initiated this idea, you will bear blame for the pain it brings. As with our choice to have children in the first place and with our choice to go to Germany and our choice to leave Bethel and enter the pastorate there is a common and united commitment to all that God will be for us in this path, including any “frowning providence” that he plans to sanctify to us. I believe our eyes are open, though we have learned that the toothache expected and the toothache experienced are not the same. We have come through enough to believe that God’s future grace will be sufficient. His mercies are new every morning and there will be mercies for every weight and wonder on this new path of our lives.

I thank God for you. I enter with you gladly on this path. Whether we live to see our daughter grown or not, we will have done well to take her in. Life is very short, whether 12 hours, like Ashley Hope, or 50 years like me, or 76 years like my father, or 94 years like Crystal Anderson. What matters is not that we do all we might have done or all we dreamed of doing, but that while we live, we live by faith in future grace and walk in the path of love. The times are in God’s hands, not ours.

With this common conviction we will, God willing, embrace our new daughter and give ourselves, with all the might that God inspires in us, to love her into the kingdom. May the Lord establish the plans of our hearts, and bring Talitha Ruth, and her future husband, into deep and lasting fellowship with Christ. May she be an ebony brooch of beauty around your aging neck, and a crown of purity and joy on your graying head.

* * *

Here are the final factors as I saw them and how a I weighed them as I wrote to myself in my journal.

1. Most importantly, and without which I would not be considering this matter seriously, is Noël’s heart’s desire. She has expressed it as the closest thing to a calling that she has ever experienced. She expresses openness to not doing it, and I believe means it, though I know it would be a great loss and a kind of death that would be grieved over for some time. In fact, as I compare the death that I must die and the death that Noël must die if we go one way or the other, it seems to me that my death is 1) not as sure as her death; that is, it is not certain that I would be less productive in writing, nor that the pain of this choice would be disadvantageous to the ministry and the glory of the Lord; and 2) even if my death came to pass, it is not as deep as her death would be. This is the main issue for me -- how shall I love my wife. If I say yes to adoption, it is mainly a yes to my wife’s longings and her sense of calling -- a yes that I may never turn against her in any form of blame, but rather a yes that becomes my yes, since we are one flesh.

2. Another way to say this is that adopting a daughter would give Noël the same privilege I have enjoyed, namely, the privilege of raising a person in her own female likeness. It is a precious thing to bring up a child with a view to building your God-given vision of manhood or womanhood into the child. Noël has not been able to build all of herself into our sons, because they are growing up to be men and not women. There are dimensions of human personhood that are unique to womanhood which I believe Noël will flourish in nurturing in a daughter.

3. Adopting would be a way of pouring our lives -- our vision of God and life -- into a child in the hope and prayer that she would grow up to make a great contribution to the advancement of the kingdom of Christ -- to spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples. One of our reasons for having children back in the days when many were saying that world population did not warrant more than one or two kids, was that we would bring them up such that they would not be a drain on the world, but a blessing to the world. So it would be my prayer and effort in this case.

4. Adopting would model for the church and the world sacrificial risks of love, and faith in future grace. It would affirm and embrace sacrificial love above comfort and ease. It would declare that the latter years of life are not for coasting and ease.

5. It would actually cast us onto future grace in a way that would compel us to lay hold on God for more of himself that we would have otherwise known. There are other ways to do this. We could become missionaries to some hard place, for example, and thus cast ourselves on God more fully that way. But this is the way God seems to be leading Noël; and to know more of God’s sufficiency is a precious thing.

6. Adopting in this case would affirm and embrace racial reconciliation as an issue to be lived with and struggled with for the rest of our lives. It would write -- with blood, as it were -- the issue of racial reconciliation high on our life’s agenda.

7. In adopting a black child we would embrace and affirm the value of personhood in God’s image above racial distinctives. This is a crucial message for our day of cultural pride that may tend to minimize the utter uniqueness of humanity over against all other beings with a value as created in God’s image that is infinitely more important than any racial or cultural trait. We would be saying that being a human person is so indescribably important that it should take priority over race and culture in governing what is good for a child.

8. Adopting a child who has been painfully given up by her parents would be one clear way of obeying the Biblical call to care for the orphan: “This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world” (James 1:27). Job’s example is inspiring and compelling: “If I have kept the poor from their desire, or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail, or have eaten my morsel alone, and the orphan has not shared it (But from my youth he [the orphan] grew up with me as with a father, and from infancy I guided her [the widow]) . . . (Job 31:16-18). We are not all required to adopt those who have no parents, or who are cut off from their parents, but as a church body we are to take up this challenge. That means that in the body of Christ, God must be able and willing to burden members of the body with this specific way of doing what the Bible says is needed.

9. By adopting this child we would embrace and affirm the preciousness of life over against the death-dealing industry of abortion. Talitha’s birth mother chose against abortion. We choose to affirm that choice. By this we put our money and our time and our lives where our mouth is. There are other ways to be real and serious about fighting abortion. But here is one that is necessary and therefore some families must do it. To do it is a good and powerful thing.

10. We would grow in our understanding of human personhood in the image of God by rearing a female person and not just male persons. There are experiences of becoming a woman that are different from becoming a man. We will be the richer and wiser for experiencing these things first hand. My voice in the world of manhood/womanhood relationships will be more insightful, I think, if we raise a girl for the glory of God.

11. We would grow in our understanding of God’s adopting love, that draws the very different into his family. I am the beneficiary of adoption. It was a precious and merciful thing the Father has done for me, taking me into his family. It is the sort of thing he delights in. Surely the ancient Jewish Midrash on Esther 2:5 is right in saying, “Who is he then who at any time shows mercy? Say: it is he who brings up an orphan in his house” (TDNT, Vol. 5, p. 488).

12. I am hopeful that my longing for being more fruitful in evangelism would be fulfilled in part by this adoption, in that it would open conversations with unbelievers, and would perhaps give us a voice of authenticity in circles of unbelievers that we would not otherwise have dealings with.

13. Noël’s ministry of writing and speaking would be enriched by this adoption because, as with mine, there would be a radical edge to it that mere, ordinary middle-aging would not have. Addressing issues of parenting, racial reconciliation, abortion, etc. would have a cutting edge quality and authenticity.

On the other side of the coin there are concerns:

1. I will probably not have as much freedom for study and writing and speaking and other forms of ministry, if we commit ourselves to parenting the young for the next 20 years.

2. There will be more emotional strain in our lives and greater burdens because love brings pain with every new person loved deeply, as each struggles with sickness and sin and Satan and danger -- both parent and child. This would be compounded by the fact that a black child will face unusual crises of self-identity, and in her crucial years our energy may be less as we move through our sixties than it is now .

3. There will be more stress and strain in the attitudes of other people that we would have to deal with because the child is black. Family and others may be disapproving and withdrawn.

4. There will be more financial stress.

Conclusion:

As I look at these two lists I cannot escape the conclusion that the potential for good in the “pro” list far outweighs the potential for ill in the “con” list. The cons are all pain and pressure issues, not issues of negative moral effects or sin. But the pros are mainly potentials of moral and spiritual good.

That my ministry of writing and study could be impeded could be seen as the hindrance of a morally and spiritually good thing. But that is very iffy. Jonathan Edwards had eleven children. His last seven years in the woods of Connecticut were his most productive, and he had children at that point in his life who were very small, not to mention that fact that when he was 47 he was removed from his pastorate and accepted a ministry among the Indians in a remote forest village.

Manifestly, productivity hangs far more on the wonderful and inscrutable providences of God and on the energizing work of the Holy Spirit and the pointedness of vision, than it does on our family circumstances. The Lord could end my productivity without children in one flick of his finger. And with adopted children, he could double it. May the Lord do what seems good to him.

(NOW the adoption story begins: to be continued)

Part 11

Orphan Sunday: How will life be better if we adopt?

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:58:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday has inspired me to think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 9

Johnny writes papers when he wants to explain his view or make a point. So during the days we were deciding whether to adopt, I tried to speak to him in his own language. I wrote what I hoped would be a persuasive paper.

Johnny,

I want to assure you that, in no way, do I think our ministry will be crippled if we go on as we are. It is rich. But I do believe that by adopting a daugher, God will add richness and depth and understanding and credibility in many areas of our personal and public lives.

Random Thoughts

In general, I expect that having 1 child at home will seem very easy after all our years of 1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, etc.
Having a young aunt here will be extra fun for the grandchildren that will start to visit, maybe before many years.
Having a child again at this stage in our life will keep us from moving as quickly into older stages. It will shove us back a generation.

Pro-Life Ministry

The very act of adopting is a renewal and revitalization of our efforts against abortion and for life -- in a very new and powerful way.
Adopting would add tremendous credibility, and confirm our seriousness in the effort for life.
A person who is as vocal and visible as you about life will be very visible as a supporter of mothers, as a protector of children who would otherwise be unwanted and perhaps in danger, as living out the implications and responsibilities that follow in the wake of stopping an abortion.
You have a powerful voice. Even if your writing/speaking isn’t directly about Life and adoption, it will be there, because what’s happening in your life IS there in your writing. And you will be an influence to many for the good of children who need homes.

Racial Reconciliation

Our efforts toward racial reconciliation would have tangible credibility.
We would have personal experience with family-level racial diversity.
We would open ourselves to personal experience of how an African-American person and a mixed-race family is treated differently from the way to which we are accustomed.

Biblical Masculinity and Femininity

You will gain new understanding and clarity when your Biblical understanding is applied to the life of a daughter. I expect you to have strong confirmation of what you’ve understood and taught all along.
It will be a good thing for your promotion of these Biblical truths to actually experience and learn how to raise a girl to be a godly woman in a society that expects something else.
Maybe there are practicalities that you haven’t even thought of, that you would see when raising a daughter, and these things would expand your understanding and teaching.
Your speaking and writing and persuasion in this area will have new credibility, when you have a daughter.

Evangelism and Missions

To add another child to our family becomes the most personal kind of evangelism toward adding members to the Kingdom.
And considering our attitude toward missions, it may also be mission recruitment for the sake of the Kingdom!

Your Writing and Speaking Ministry

Your public ministry will be deeper and richer because we know that everything God puts into our lives comes through into your writing and speaking as a clearer, more pointed explanation of God and his ways.
We know there are angles of God’s face and aspects of his personality to be discovered in new situations he puts us into. We will experience more of God as we live with a daughter. And that deeper experience of God will make your public ministry so much richer.
For instance, if we adopted a child, and raised her, we would understand God’s adoption in a much fuller way -- what it means to adopt a person who is not part of your family and make that person fully a partaker and inheritor of your own life and family.

Being Radical and Taking Risks

I think it would not be fair to quote yourself to you to try to make a point. But I must say that very often over the years you have made statements about taking risks and trusting God and doing unexpected and radical things -- and I often hear those statements in the light of the radical thing I want to do, and therefore want you to do with me.
To adopt -- at our age and when it would certainly not be expected of us and when it is not financially easy and when it might make other ministries more difficult -- would be more than a token. It would say that you are serious about radical faith.

(to be continued)

Orphan Sunday: Ways every Christian can care

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:12:00 +0000

Hope for Orphans is a ministry of FamilyLife, "serving every church to reach every orphan."

Their website may be the best place to visit if you:

wonder what the problem is anyway
wonder how to help
wonder whether your family should adopt
wonder how to get started toward adoption

They have provided a gold mine of information for the person or church that wants to care, at whatever level, for orphans. Please spend some time exploring the site and having your heart and mind opened.

There's even a section for kids where they can hear stories about what it's like not having parents, and where they can get ideas how they can care for orphans and waiting children.

This flyer is being handed out to worshipers at Bethlehem Baptist this weekend: 10 Ways Every Christian can Care for the Orphan and Waiting Child.

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: What if he says no

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:45:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 8

I mentioned earlier the phone call asking if we'd consider adopting a little baby girl. And I said that soon brought me face to face with a capital-C Challenge.

In the process of our decision-making that might affect our future fathering and mothering, God caused me to experience something that would affect my future life as a wife. Looking back this seems doubly appropriate, because my being a mother is so intricately woven with being a wife and because if we adopted, it would be this particular little girl, who might someday become a wife. And, Lord willing, I'd be a mentor to her along the way.

For 2 weeks, we talked about pros and cons and about how life would be different if we adopted. We tried to imagine what affect adopting an African-American child would have on us, on our other children, on our extended family, on our church.

I'd understood for a long time that if you want to know whether a couple are trying to live together in a biblical way, sometimes the best way to tell is by observing how they handle a decision that they've discussed well but still haven't been able to come to agreement on.

I don't think there had been any significant decisions like that for us. Just smaller things where it was relatively easy for me finally to say, "Well, we've listened well to each other, so you know what I think, but I'm fine with whatever you decide."

Now, here was a decision that I really cared about. It was a decision that we had to agree on. We couldn't adopt if I was the only who thought we should do it.

But for 2 weeks, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't tell which direction Johnny was leaning, and his answer is what the final decision waited for. It's hard to imagine, but I truly didn't know whether to prepare for yes or for no.

Of course, I'd be ecstatic if he said Yes. But what if he said No? What would happen then?

God used those 2 weeks to get me ready for a possible No, which also meant teaching me much more deeply and personally what it means to be a biblically-oriented wife. If Johnny said we shouldn't adopt, I knew I would be bitterly disappointed. I knew there would be tears. But I also knew that if he said no, it meant that God had other, better plans for us; I would turn my eyes toward that better future and away from adoption.

And so, I was ready--as ready as I could be--for the possibility of No. And whatever the decision, God had made me ready to be a better wife of Johnny and mother of our 4 -- or 5?-- children.

(to be continued)

Part 9

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: Exhibitors at Bethlehem Baptist

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:32:00 +0000

Religion that is pure and undefiled

before God, the Father, is this:

to visit orphans and widows

in their affliction . . .

(James 1:27)

This is the weekend of Orphan Sunday. The exhibitors at Bethlehem this weekend represent an array of ways to "visit" orphans.

I hope you'll look through these and pray for God's guidance how you might be involved at some level in one of these opportunities for true religion.

Summit VI, Conference sponsored by Christian Alliance for Orphans

Safe Families for Children, equipping the church to offer biblical hospitality to children in crisis. Karl & Gerrilyn Kanowitz, MN

MN Adopt, dedicated to finding permanence for Minnesota children who need families.

The Micah Fund, saying yes to minority adoption.

Casa Hogar Alfa, creating a family for orphans in Oaxaca, Mexico.

Loving Shepherd Ministries, helping the church care for abandoned, orphaned, and at-risk children around the world.

Hope in View, sponsor a child affected by AIDS.

Life Coaches for Kids at Bethlehem Baptist, supportive mentoring of a fatherless child.

Better Future Adoption Services, focusing on adoptions from Ethiopia.

Africa Renewal Ministries, ministering to orphans in Gaba, Uganda, & sponsoring Mwangaza Children's Choir.

Bethany Christian Services, range of adoption and foster care services.

We interrupt this series to bring you . . . an update

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:32:00 +0000

It's the week before Orphan Sunday, and I'm not finished telling our adoption story. But I need to interrupt with an imporant update.

Early in October I showed you before and after pictures of my walk-in junk drawer--what it looked like before and after I emptied it totally.

I also listed lies I'd been discovering as I dug out of chaos.

Lest you think that was the end and maybe things just fizzled back to chaotic normal, here's an update--a preview of more to come, Lord willing.

Tonight Talitha and Johnny were helping me finish assembling my new work table and getting everything plugged in. Just compare the corner to any of the "before" photos.

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: You came to the wrong place.

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:34:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

I skipped ahead yesterday, so you could honor my mother with me on her birthday.

Part 7

When we were asked to consider adopting a particular little girl, we talked and prayed first--a lot--just the two of us.

After a couple of days, we walked across the street to visit with our friends who had adopted transracially. We bombarded them with questions. We tried to make it as hard as possible, because we didn't want to make a decision that was bad for the child. Nor did we want to go into this wearing rose-colored glasses.

After a couple of hours, the husband said, smiling, "Listen, if you're looking for someone to tell you adoption is a bad idea for you, you came to the wrong place."

Then we talked with our 4 sons. IF we decided to adopt, the baby would be their sister forever. The 2 still at home--ages 12 and 15--had no hesitations: "Yes! Let's do it!" The 2 who were out of state were slightly more hesitant, but within moments said something like, "Yes. You should go ahead, however God leads you."

My interpretation of their hesitation was this: When a young person leaves home, he assumes everything will remain the same, which it never does really. But we were thinking about making a huge and sudden change, nothing gradual about it.

An added part of the hesitation came from the son who was living in Georgia. He had a hard time imagining a white family with a black daughter there, as it would be when we'd be down visiting Mother and my extended family. And we didn't know yet what the reaction would be from my very large Southern family.

We searched out studies of transracial adoption and stories of adoptees.

We confided in a handful of close friends, so they could be praying as we considered and moved toward a decision.

And we ourselves prayed, prayed, prayed.

(to be continued)

Part 8

Happy Birthday, Mother!

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:08:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 6 (preview!)

Today is my mother's 88th birthday.

You already know the end of our adoption story, don't you? We adopted. So it won't be a spoiler if I skip ahead a couple of episodes so I can recount how Mother responded when we told her we were hoping to adopt . . . a girl . . . a little African-American baby.

Here are excerpts from the email I sent her:

I have some news that you probably never thought you’d hear again from us. We think we’re going to have a baby. An adopted one this time. A girl this time. You’re expecting another grandchild!

I was inspired by having a mother who had her last baby at only about a year younger than I am now. (I thought that since menopause hasn’t hit yet, God also thought that I wasn’t too old for a baby. A friend said, “Oh great! So John gets to adapt to a new baby and menopause at the same time!)

Her birth parents are African American. We have given much thought to this, and probably have thought a lot about most of the same questions that come to your mind. Let’s talk about it whenever you want to. This is a child whose birth mother has chosen against abortion. I have longed for years to be pro-life in this way. Now a beautiful little girl needs a home and a family, and to have a grandmother who loves and enjoys her will be an immeasurable gift for her.

I’m so excited I’m hardly good for anything, and it’s only getting greater! Barnabas and Abraham are really eager, even thought it means moving into the same bedroom.

Please pray for the little girl that we hope will be our daughter. And please pray for us. It’s an amazing, mind-boggling thing to decide to be parents to a baby now when we are an age more likely to be grandparents. We’ll need booster talks from you along the way, I expect!

If you have any thoughts or questions that you want to talk about, or just want to think out loud, please call us.

I love you,
Noel

I emailed instead of calling to give her time to process the unexpected information before we talked. I wasn't sure how she'd respond to the idea of transracial adoption. But the email had hardly had time to land in her inbox before my phone was ringing.

"What's all this 'let's talk about it' business? This is wonderful news. I can't wait to run down the hill and tell Pamela. A new granddaughter! I can't wait!"

I love you, Mother. Thank you for welcoming with love every one of the grandchildren God has given you.

(to be continued)

Part 7

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: Squirming and kicking

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:22:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 5

"Would you consider adopting her?" I can't think of a question that could have made me happier. But the timing was a challenge for me--challenge with a small c, though, I do have to admit.

It was the beginning of a weekend. Weekends are the busiest part of the week for a pastor. And this particular weekend was loaded with extras for Johnny. I can't remember any more what they were, but probably things like a Saturday morning seminar or a wedding rehearsal and wedding. Anyway, he had more preparation and speaking than usual to pack into the hours of each day of that weekend.

So I knew I shouldn't even try to bring up the topic of adoption yet. Especially when there was no way this conversation could be theoretical like all the previous ones. This time we had to come to a conclusion--yes or no--not just stop talking about it until next time.

And I knew it wouldn't be fair to him if I told anyone else about it in the meantime. This had to be between just him and me until we were ready to draw others into the conversation.

So I held the knowledge inside me, squirming and kicking, all of Friday . . . Saturday . . . Sunday, until we could talk on Monday. And no, believe it or not, I can't remember what Monday was like!

What I do know is that this was the beginning of a couple of weeks of long talks, lots of prayer, and conversations with our children and close friends.

I would have said YES! right away on the phone. But this couldn't be a unilateral decision. We had to come to a unified yes or no.

And that led me face to face with a capital-C kind of Challenge. What if it was going to be No?

(to be continued)

Part 6

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: Knock, knock. Who's there?

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:43:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 4

Although we didn't realize it immediately, the very next day after I arrived home from Asia was going to change our lives forever.

Wen Qing and Qiu Ying were much on my mind, and therefore adoption was on my mind--mainly thoughts and feelings of sadness and frustration that the two little girls were out of my reach, probably forever.

That's the emotional atmosphere within which the phone rang a few days later. It was the director of an out-of-state adoption agency. She and I had become friends during the many times she'd flown to Minnesota, bringing babies to their new homes.

"A little girl was born about a week ago. I've been praying about what home she should go to, and your family keeps coming to my mind. Would you consider adopting her?"

For a long time it had looked as if we were a family with only sons. I'd say, "Looks like the way we're going to get daughters is by marrying them." And then, jokingly, I'd add, "or by a little girl knocking on our door and saying, 'Will you be my mother?'"

And now here it was. No joke. This phone call out of the blue was as if someone were knocking on my door on behalf of a little girl, saying, "Will you be her mother?"

The little girl had been born the day after I returned from Asia. Her birth mother must have been in labor as I was flying away from Wen Qing and Qiu Ying, the little girls who reopened in my heart the yearning to adopt.

(to be continued)

Part 5

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: What good will it do?

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:24:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story, which begins here.)

Part 3

In October 1995 I visited friends in Asia. Later, I wrote about an one afternoon with them.

In the crib room of a government home, I see babies and toddlers who can’t toddle. One is hydrocephalic and can’t raise his head. One has frequent convulsions. A newborn is so frail, she probably won’t be here next week. Most lie lethargic. One child shrieks piercingly at intervals, and the others, hearing him, whimper.

I walk from crib to crib and lay a hand on one child and then another. I reach for bare skin – my palm resting on stiffened hair, with fingers caressing forehead or ear or nape of the neck. Tears fall from my eyes, and I pray. For peace for this moment and for God to give this little one happiness she can understand. Each falls silent as I touch her and pray. The room becomes peaceful.

In the midst of them is Wen Qing, a solemn old lady of a toddler, standing on the bare oilcloth of her crib, watching silently. She’s the size of a 9-month-old, but she’s probably 2 or 3. An older child gently lifts her over the crib rail and stands her on the floor.

Holding my finger, Wen Qing wobbles around on stiff, straight, unpracticed legs.

Why is she here? Because she’s a girl? The older child looks up at us, “This is a case to pity, isn’t it?” Wen Qing will remain in this crib room until she dies or is able to walk out and join the children in the next-older house.

The older girl is Qiu Ying – Autumn Hero.“What a handsome name! Were you born in the autumn?” She gives a one-sided smile,exasperated, sad smile:“How should I know?”

She's 13, but looks 10, and walks bent forward because of a growth at the end of her spine. No one is sure what it is. Even if they did know, what could they do about it?

Qiu Ying shows us around the compound, which is neat and fairly well cared-for. Everyone here, from newborns to the very elderly, shares the same surname – Dang – which means “The Party”, telling the world that they have no mothers or fathers to give them a name, and so are wards of the state.

With Qiu Ying and Wen Qing lodging themselves in my heart, I think about adoption. “What good will it do in the midst of the orphan tragedy in this nation,” my American friend asks, “to remove just one or two children? And besides, the children in this small provincial institution are not registered for adoption, and maybe won’t ever be.”

We put Wen Qing back into her crib and Qiu Ying holds our hands as we walk toward the front gate. Just then, the porter runs past us, cradling a cardboard box found at the train station. A newborn lies swaddled inside.

“Will you be back?” Qui Ying asks.

I can’t bear to think or say no, and so I say, “I don’t know.”

In English she says what she must have heard from other visitors, “See – you – tomorrow.”

I have prayed and wept for Wen Qing and Qiu Ying, whom I may never again see on earth. My friends who live near the girls wrote me later. They had accompanied a surgeon when he visited, but Qiu Ying was too scared to let herself be examined. And they didn’t see Wen Qing in her crib. Perhaps she had walked to the next-older house. Perhaps.

I'll try to explain next time how this story is somehow part of our adoption story.

(to be continued)
(Picture of the 2 little girls)
Part 4

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: Lord, change one heart, and let it be HIS.

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:06:00 +0000

(Orphan Sunday, 11/8, makes me think of our adoption story.)

Part 1: Being pro-life led me toward adoption.

Part 2

Before we were married, we had our family all planned out--2 boys, 2 girls--2 born to us and 2 adopted. Then we married, time passed, and reality happened. One after another our 4 blond, round boys were born--the cookie cutter kids, Johnny called them.

And anyway, as we understood it, adoption wasn't really possible, and so therefore probably wasn't needed. All we heard about were the long waiting times to adopt. And so adoption faded from our minds. What we didn't realize was that those facts were true only about white, healthy infants.

Our assumptions were shaken when our friends adopted Micah and began to tell us and anyone who'd listen about the need for adoptive families for minority children. My dreams of adopting came alive again.

Over the next few years, periodically I'd bring up the topic to let Johnny know I was thinking about adoption. The conversations helped each of us to know the heart of the other, but in the end each talk drifted off without a decision.

Our conversations went many directions as we explored the what-ifs. One seeming obstacle was this: Johnny was concerned about our age. He imagined us white-haired and near retirement as we guided another child through the teens. How would he or she feel about such old parents, and would we have the energy for the adolescent years again? Besides, weren't we on the verge of a new chapter of life and ministry now, free from the afternoons of being soccer dad and carpool mom?

But to me, our age never seemed an issue. Yes, we'd be older and probably less energetic. But perhaps in our years of parenting so far we'd gained some wisdom that might help. Besides at the time of these talks, I was still younger than my mother had been when she bore her last child, and I had not yet passed out of the years of childbearing possibility.

During the months between those conversations, I prayed that God would change the mind of one of us, the heart of one, so we could come together to a definite yes or no. Of course, to be honest, that wasn't all I asked. I wanted the change of heart to be Johnny's.

(to be continued)

Part 3

Orphan Sunday, 11/8: Something that involves my life

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 03:28:00 +0000

Orphan Sunday is coming up on November 8. Thinking about this sent me into my memories of adopting Talitha.

Our family was heavily involved in the pro-life movement through the years when rescues were a main public way of protesting abortion. Johnny spent one weekend in the county workhouse after being arrested while sitting in front of an abortion clinic. Another time we had to pick up our son, Benjamin, from the police department and go to court with him. He and some friends had been hauled in for chaining themselves to a clinic door to block it. Our younger children and I had spent many hours walking silently and praying.

As important as those things were, I began to dream of doing something pro-life that involved more of my life. When friends with teenagers adopted a baby boy, that spoke to my heart.

One day that adoptive father told me about a baby boy who was waiting for placement. I told Johnny about it right away, sure that he would feel just as strongly as I did that we should bring that baby into our home. He didn't.

I didn't take into account that I'd been thinking about this a lot, but it was a new idea to him.

(to be continued)

Part 2

We'd never do that

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:53:00 +0000

"We'd never do something like that at my regular Curves." I was looking at the "Prayer Requests" white board on the wall at the Curves I visited in Georgia this summer.

The Curves employee was astounded. "Why not?" Standing there in small-town Bible Belt America, I found it hard to explain Minneapolis political/spiritual correctness.

Today, though, I had two reasons to rethink my certainty that "we would never do something like that."

1. When I arrived at Curves this morning, I was the only one there so far to workout. When the attendant saw me coming, she changed the music (which is never offensive anyway) to worship music with a beat.

2. After I'd finished my workout and was getting ready to leave, she asked if I could wait 30 seconds. She copied a page from a book, highlighted a couple of lines and handed it to me.

The book was the Bible, and the lines were: "I am the Lord your God, and there is no other. My people will never be ashamed again." (Joel 2:27)

Dad, be the Lead Failure in your family

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:08:00 +0000

Bob and Mary Horning and their family have become friends of mine since they came to our church quite a few years ago. Bob has been the leader extraordinaire of both of the wheelchair missions to Cameroon.

A few days ago there was a gathering of fathers of children with disabilities. Bob encouraged the men by recognizing that he and all of them are failures. So is every member of their families. So the men should be the lead failures for their wives and children.

John Knight was one of those fathers, and he has posted links at his blog to the audio and video of that message by Bob Horning.

Talitha's birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:04:00 +0000

Here's a video of Talitha's birthday that spread into 2 weeks, 3 countries, and 4 cities.

Once upon a time . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:39:00 +0000

I'm sitting again in my own kitchen. Saturday--just yesterday!--seems like another world, another time. May be just jet lag. Saturday was in Germany, Sunday night is in Minneapolis.

But part of the reason may be that yesterday we were at Neuschwanstein, which was born in the mind of Ludwig II, King of Bavaria. His name is usually paired with the word mad, as in Mad King Ludwig--though one tour guide tried to persuade us he was just eccentric.

To top it off, we went during what turned out to be the first snowfall of the season in the Bavarian Alps. We thought the trip would be memorable for colorful fall leaves, but they were all white. You can see a few pictures, if you'd like.

This castle seems like a representation of so much of Ecclesiastes--vanity of vanities. Years of labor and Bavaria's coffers drained in order for Ludwig to have this fairy tale dream built as his own personal hideaway, just for him alone. He lived in it only 170 days before he died.

Being young, not acting young

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 05:00:00 +0000

When we were at Dachau, there were several busloads of school groups--teenagers. Throughout our visit, the most obvious students were the ones who were moving as a herd and acting normal--laughing, making jokes, talking about clothes and football.

They were obvious because Dachau is not a normal place. It is a place where everyday emotions and conversations are engulfed with the memories of grief and loss that fill the air.

I prayed that these young people would visit again in a few years, or simply remember, and that God would grant them the eyes and heart to feel with those who lived and died in the camp at Dachau.

This made me all the more grateful for Grace's response to my Dachau post:

hey. my name is Grace. thank you for your thoughts. They meant so much. I am a junior in high school living over seas. I studied the Holocaust last year, and i cannot shake it out of my memories. There are things that i cannot even smell anymore because i was around them during the study I did. So, the Holocaust is a very hard topic for me. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Tomorrow -- Ready or not

noreply@blogger.com (Noel) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:14:00 +0000

Usually when I'm traveling for a couple of weeks, I throw myself into the activities and ministry for most of the time. Then during the last day or two, my mind turns toward home and I'm ready to return.

This time I feel ready to return, but also wish I could stay longer. I think it's largely because I can understand so much of what's being spoken around me. Also, more and more I can speak understandably again in German. That makes me want to have more time to hear and speak better.

But tonight, at the end of a long day of travel to and from Neuschwanstein, we ate at Pizza Hut. So I guess we have indeed turned our faces toward home.