This is the first in a series of four articles that will give a quick run-down of the distinctions between the Myers-Briggs type dimensions.  Today we’ll be looking at the difference between introverts and extraverts.  As you may have guessed by some comments I’ve made previously on this blog, I’m fairly heavily in the “introvert” camp on this dimension.

At the risk of generalizing too much, extraverts like to act, and introverts like to think.  Extraverts will often act, and then consider the results of that action in order to determine what they should do next.  Introverts, on the other hand, will think first, and then act.

As I mentioned before, extraverts are not necessarily extroverted.  However, in practice, I’ve found that they usually are.  Extraverts seem to enjoy meeting new people and having a breadth of new experiences.  Introverts, on the other had, due to their tendency to think through everything, aren’t nearly as outgoing.  They may be just as friendly, but they don’t often come off that way.

Either one of these traits can be good or bad, depending on how the trait is expressed.  For instance, an extravert and their “Ready, Fire, Aim” approach can get into trouble if they act too hastily in a given circumstance.  However, because they are willing to act without considering every last option to the nth degree, they can often jump on opportunities that introverts may miss due to their unwillingness to act without substantial amounts of time invested in consideration.  From my seat as an introvert, I see the extravert strategy as best exemplified by the statement “Go Big or Go Home”.  You may achieve great successes this way, but you also open yourself up to failures, as well.

As I mentioned in the prior article in this series, regardless of what your personal preference is, it’s helpful to be able to “speak the language” or the other type.  Not only can you understand other people better that way, you may get some practice in co-opting some of the good characteristics of the other type.

So, if you’re an extravert:

• Slow down. Take time to make a conscious decision once in a while.  Don’t always wait to see the results of your actions; make an effort to think about what may happen in the first place.  You’re really not going to miss much if you take a little bit of time.

If you’re an introvert:

• Come out of your shell. I personally have this problem.  I experience anxiety when meeting new people.  So, I tend to let them make the first move, or remove myself from the situation before that ever comes up.  If I’m really honest about it, it makes me seem aloof and cold (at best)  I have to make a consicious effort to be more outgoing than I normally would be.  It will not kill you to stick out your hand and initiate a conversation with someone you don’t know.  If you don’t know how to do that, take a look at my previous post on people skills, or just go read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

For everyone, there is one over-arching theme to understand the other style (and this applies to all four of the dichotomies, not just I vs E): don’t operate from an assumption that the way you do things is best.  Introverts, don’t assume that an extravert is automatically superficial simply because he or she enjoys meeting a bunch of new people.  Likewise, extraverts, don’t think we introverts are jerks who think we’re better than everyone else.  We’re just trying to decide what to say before we say it.

What other ways can you think of making yourself better able to understand the other group?  Let us know in the comments…

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1. Introduction to Personality Typing
2. What Really Matters
3. Developing People Skills

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I’ve always been fascinated with psychology.  The human mind is an amazing entity that no one truly understands.  I don’t even know why I do the things I do sometimes, so it’s no surprise to me that there are plenty of mysteries still left to discover about how we think, what we feel, and why we act the way we do in certain situations.

One of the tools I was familiarized with in college that has given me great insight into how I view the world, interact with other people, and why I prefer certain situations over others is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI for short).  Wikipedia has a great write-up on this topic if you’ve got quite a bit of time to kill.  If you’ve heard of it but never taken the test, feel free to hop on over here for a 70 question form that shouldn’t take too long to fill out.

Essentially, the MBTI evaluates your personal preferences in four different categories along a sliding scale:

1.  Extraversion/Introversion: This dimension is often refered to as one’s “attitude”.  It’s how you relate to the world around you.  If you tend to draw energy from action, and understand more external expressions of behavior, people, and things, you’re most likely an extravert.  Conversely, if you’re more drawn to the world of ideas and reflection, you’re probably an introvert.

Note that it DOES NOT NECESSARILY FOLLOW that you have an extroverted (loud, boisterous, life-of-the party) personality if you are classified an extravert, and vice-versa.  One usually follows the other, but not always.

2.  Sensing/Intuition: These two paradigms exemplify how you prefer to gather information about the world around you.  A preference for Sensing means that a person prefers to glean understanding from things that are concrete, in the here and now, and can be understood with one or more of the five senses.  Intuitives, on the other hand, trust data that is more abstract and theoretical, that just seems to “make sense” without necessarily being backed up by easily demonstrable evidence  These are the people that “follow their guts” and trust to hunches more often than not.

3.  Thinking/Feeling: These traits quantify how we tend to make decisions.  Once you’ve perceived information information in the prior dichotomy, you need to make a decision based on that information.  Thinkers are more hands-off (some would say detached, remote, or even cold) and prefer to make decisions based solely on the facts of the situation, removing feelings entirely.  Feelers, on the other hand, are just the opposite.  How they feel about a situation has great baring on the decision that’s made, perhaps even to the point of outweighing the facts.

Basically, this boils down to weather you’re a softie or a hardcase.

4.  Judgment/Perception:  I’ll be honest: I get what these types are, but the names have never made sense to me.  Those with a “judgment” bias tend to be structured, enjoy routine, and want all their ducks in a row.  A “perception” bias means a person loves surprises, are willing to go with the flow, and are very flexible in their lives.

The MBTI asks a series of questions and finds out, based on your answers, where on the spectrum between the two extremes you are for each of the four groups.  There are rarely people who score to one extreme or the other, and even if they do, no one really functions as (for instance) 100% introverted or extraverted.

So, why is this important to personal development and leadership?  Well, two reasons that I can see.

First, if you understand your own personality type, you’ll begin to understand why some situations make you uneasy, while others cause you to feel right at home.  You can engineer your surroundings and work to your strengths in order to give yourself the best chance to succeed in whatever you happen to be attempting.

For example, let’s say that you have a preference for judgment.  You’re going to have difficulty work for/with individuals who tend to fly by the seat of their pants.  You’re either going to need to re-evaluate who you work with, or make quite a few allowances for their tendencies.

This segues right into the second benefit.  If you understand the tendencies of those around you, you can begin to better understand why it is they do the things they do.  You can make allowances for their actions, and begin to use some “style switching” in order to better communicate with them.

Think of it this way:  someone with an opposite preference from you is essentially speaking a different language.  In order to communicate, you can either point and grunt a lot, get frustrated and have a 50/50 shot of actually getting something accomplished.  Or, you can go about learning how they communicate and work on speaking to them in ways they understand.  It’s more work on your part, but the results are almost surely better than what you’d achieve otherwise.

Over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to look at each of the four pairings a little bit more closely, and throw out some thoughts on how you can work on your style switching.  So, if you’re not too familiar with the test and want to follow along with what we’ll be talking about, hit the link above before next Monday.

Any thoughts/prior experiences with MBTI, or other personality tools in general?  I know that they’re certainly not a panacea, so if you’ve got any other thoughts about how to learn more about yourself, feel free to leave them in the comments…

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1. Personality Typing – Introvert vs Extravert
2. Those Who Can, Teach
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I’m hoping I haven’t offended anyone (too much) by that headline.  Does anyone self-identify as a “hippie” anymore, anyway?  We’ve all got a picture in our head, though, right?

What I’m thinking of are people that are a little bit out there:  they might play a little too much hacky sack or burn a little bit too much patchouli incense, maybe they’ve participated in a drum-circle once or twice.  And they’re always going on and on about how it’s so great to take time out to meditate and “expand [their] consciousness, man”.  Does that ring a bell?  Maybe I hung out with too many stoners in high school or something…

The way I understand meditation to work is that a person essentially concentrates all their effort on not concentrating on anything at all (except for their own breathing, or a mantra or something).  The mind is to be emptied so as to allow some great revelation of wisdom to occur.

This never made a lot of sense to me.  I’m not much in agreement with the concept that’s implied here:  if you wait long enough without doing anything, something great is going to happen to you through no effort of your own.  That’s complete and utter nonsense, in my opinion and experience.

Change is what is required for personal, emotional, or spiritual development.  Without change, there is no improvement.  It requires work on your part.

That being said, I’ve recently begun doing some meditation of my own.  It’s quite a bit different from what I’ve already described, though.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to “Meditation for Non-Hippies”:

1.  Find a quiet place. This isn’t any different from what you would do in “normal” meditation.  You don’t have to turn off the lights unless you want to, you don’t have to light any candles or incense unless you want to, you don’t need any Enya playing in the background unless you want to.  The one thing you do need, however, is to remove distractions.  That’s why I said it needs to be quiet.

Now, my 18 year-old self would have said “I’m fine with music playing in my headphones while I do my homework; it’s not distracting”.  My 33 year-old self knows better, though.  If you need it quiet and dark, then make it quiet and dark.  Don’t sabotage yourself on this step.

2.  Lie down. I know some folks like to sit up, and are concerned that if they lie down they’re going to fall asleep.  If that’s you, go ahead and sit up.  Personally, I like to lie down on the floor in my office.  My floor supports my weight evenly without being comfortable enough to cause me to drift off to sleep.  When I sit up, I find that I have a little part of my mind that pays attention to the way my body is positioned.  It’s distracting.

If you really want to get into the lotus position, I guess that’s your prerogative.  Just don’t ask me to join you; I’ve never been able to bend like that.

3.  Think about something that’s truly important to you. Here’s where we turn meditation on its head.  Rather than focusing on “Om Shanti Om” or on the rhythm of your breathing, you need to focus on your most pressing challenge.  Notice I didn’t say “WORRY about your most pressing challenge”.  You need to approach the situation head-on, with the confidence that you can come up with a solution.  Allow your thoughts to go where they will, as long as they remain focused on the issue at hand.  If you start thinking about the laundry you need to do, gently push your thoughts back to where they belong.

What you’re doing here is allowing your subconscious mind to work on the challenge, as well.  This is when truly creative problem solving occurs.  I know that so many times when I’ve tried to “distract myself” into creativity by doing something else, I’ve never gotten back to the issue I was concerned with in the first place.

What if you don’t have anything really pressing at the current time?  Well, then this is the time for you to get ahead of the game by filling your thoughts with positivity.  For some (like myself), meditation is a time to focus on finding out what God would have that person do with his or her life (Joshua 1.8).  For others, you may want to focus on your daily affirmations, what you want your future to look like, or just on whatever is most important to you.

Look, I’m not trying to pick on people who sincerely believe in the type of meditation I’m opposed to.  I think you’re wrong, and I’ll be willing to discuss it (civilly) and attempt to convince you of your error if you’d like, but I don’t hate on you.  I know you think I’m wrong too, but I’m hoping that we can all agree to disagree and still focus on what we do have in common.

However, I do get a little tired of the “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual” crap that I hear a lot of today, and I think other folks do, as well.  It comes off as insincere and trite, as well as demonstrating that the person who said it doesn’t have a basic grasp of the English language.  If you believe in and revere a set of beliefs about some reality that can’t be quantified or demonstrated, you have a religion (or a “faith”, if you will).

For those of you in that boat with me, I hope that you’ll consider that meditation as I’ve described it above is a great tool for use in your personal development, as well as in your problem solving.

You know what to do.  Some may rip me to shreds, and others might back me up with the first group.  Just keep it respectful, folks, and steer clear of Godwin’s Law, shall we? Let the comments begin…

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Here we are at the end of October.  I have to say that this is probably my favorite time of year.  I love that the weather’s getting colder and the days are shorter.  Does that mean I’m emo?

Anyway, here’s what we covered this month on Start Being Your Best:

Develop Your Reputation: Wrote this as a piece or two of advice to some of my readers who may be a little younger than I.  There are certainly plenty of things I need to work on in my own life, so I hate to come off as condescending or anything.  I just have noticed that a lot of folks in the younger generation make some mistakes, and this was my attempt to point them out.

What’s the Problem with Goals?: I’m getting more and more frustrated with people who say that “goals cause us too much stress, so don’t even bother”.  Honestly, I think it’s a cop out.  Keep setting goals.  You need them to succeed.

How to Be Rich and Happy: A book review for a book that I was provided by Tim Brownson.  I really enjoyed it and will be reading it again soon.  I encourage you, if you haven’t already, to hit the ad over on the right sidebar and download the free chapters that Tim is offering.  I honestly believe it’ll be worth your time.

Reader Spotlight: Standstrong.tv: This is a project that one of our readers here is getting started, and it’s going to be AWESOME.  Some really good stuff lined up there for launch (including a short conversation with your’s truly).  Make sure to subscribe to the site so you’ll hear when it launches.  Oh, and if you know of a project that SBYB should shine a light on (or if you have one yourself), let me know about it, will you?

5 Reasons to Learn a Foreign Language: I’m in the process of trying to get my proficiency back up to snuff in Mandarin, which is what inspired this post.  I believe that one of the best things you can do from a personal development standpoint is to learn a new language.  If you haven’t in the past, give it a shot.

Obligation:  How much do we really owe to people around us?  How far does our obligation to our fellow human beings?  I’m still trying to figure out exactly how altruistic I need to be, and I’m sure that it’s somewhat different for everyone.  I’d be curious to hear your responses.

4 Ways to Make Your Own Luck: I read a really interesting article that inspired this post.  I’d always had a feeling that luck comes down to more than.. well, luck.  Finally someone’s studied exactly what lucky people do differently from unlucky ones.

Taking a Sagmeister: Sabbaticals are an interesting topic that’s becoming more and more popular to discuss in our current economic client.  Not everyone is in a position to take a lot of time off, but everyone needs to pay attention to their level of burnout.  It’s important to recognize when our creativity starts to wane, and to take steps to counteract this.

I’m heading out on another trip this month; for work this time.  I’ll be gone in Asia, so I might not respond as promptly to email and comments as I normally would.  Keep leaving them, though.  Thanks again for all you do around here!

Photo courtesy: foxtongue

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Here’s another TED video I’d like you to take a look at.  In it, we get to hear the consequences of allowing your life to become monotonous, and one very unique way to deal with that issue.

Stefan Sagmeister owns a design studio in New York that’s garnered a lot of commercial and critical praise and success, and he has a rather unorthodox approach to work/life balance that he credits with keeping his work fresh and unique.

First, Stefan discusses the fact that our employment falls into one of three categories:

1.  Job:  Trading time for money.  It’s a 9-5 (or, more likely, 7:30-6:30) commitment, but without much (if any) positive emotional investment on our part.  A person in this scenario needs a hobby on the weekend to balance things out, because what they’re doing isn’t really what they’d like to be doing.

The challenge comes when you’re so exhausted from your job that you have no emotional energy to do anything when you get home.  You collapse on the couch and channel surf until you go to bed so you can wake up and do it tomorrow.

2.  Career:  It’s still a job, but you’re doing it for advancement and promotion.  You see where you’re at currently as a stepping-stone to something better.  It’s a means to an end, whether that end is a better position within the same field, or gaining experience to be able to go out on your own.

This is a little bit better, but only if you can constantly remind yourself of your long-range goals and how your current position is going to help you do what you want to do.  Speaking from personal experience, this is pretty tough to do all the time, so you may end up a little frustrated in this area, as well.

3.  Calling:  This is the proverbial “I love it so much, I’d do it for free” position.  Those folks who have these types of positions are constantly envied by the rest of us because they seem so lucky.  They arrive home excited about what they were able to accomplish during the day, and they can’t wait to get back out the door tomorrow to do the same thing.

The interesting comment that Stefan makes is that, with enough time, even the most powerful “calling” will turn into merely a “job”.  He would get bored and repetitive in what he was doing, even though he loved being a designer.

His solution was to begin to take sabbaticals every 7 years.  He would close his design studio in New York for an entire year and go do something different.  No clients, no sneaking in a project here and there.  He quit doing what he was doing and focused entirely on something else.

Did it work?  According to Stefan, the answers is a resounding “Yes!”

1.  His job became a calling again. The old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” certainly seems to be the truth in this case.  Because he spent the entire year away from doing the kind of design the was accustomed to, he began to miss it.  His creativity was sparked again.

2.  He had fun. Who wouldn’t have fun taking an entire year off to spend in Bali?  I think this one speaks for itself.  There’s nothing wrong with enjoying yourself.

3.  Over the long term, the idea was a financial success. Because of being refreshed, he found that his ideas and design concepts were being received even more positively than before.  He was able to raise his rates as a result.

4.  Everything his studio designed during the following 7 years had roots in something that occurred or was experienced during that sabbatical year. This demonstrates what, in my mind, is the key take-away.  This “creative pause” in his life produced such a well-spring of refreshing thoughts and unique experiences that he was able to sustain it for 7 years after (coincidentally enough, right up to the time he was supposed to take his next break).

Sure, it’s fine for the self-employed to do something like this, but what about those of us who work in big, soulless corporations?  Well, companies like 3M and Google have long embraced the idea that employees work better when they have the option to work on projects they enjoy.  Employees at 3M invented Scotch Tape and Post-It notes on the 15% of their time that’s to be allocated to personal projects.  Gmail came out of some Google employees’ 1 personal day a week.

Plenty of other companies allow their employees to take sabbaticals (I’ve got a friend at Intel that just took three months off to travel around Europe).  Whether those are paid or not are another story, of course.  My point is, it’s not unheard of to find a position with a company that understands that it’s in their best interest to allow their talent to do something that they enjoy.

What kinds of benefits could you see accruing to you if you took some time away from your work?  How would you spend that time?  Have you ever had the opportunity to do something like this?  How did it go?  Let us know in the comments…

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Had an interesting article emailed to me by reader Marty.  It was called “Be Lucky – It’s An Easy Skill To Learn“, and it was great.

The premise, as you might expect from the title, is that being lucky (or unlucky) is something that you control.  Sure, random events occur in everyone’s life, but you can create good luck for yourself if you concentrate on doing so.  I’ve touched on the idea of creating good luck in a previous post.

What are the keys to becoming lucky?

1.  Create and notice chance opportunities. “Unlucky” folks don’t realize when opportunities are available to take advantage of.  The reason for this is that most of them are concentrating on what they want to have happen at any given time.  They feel that they know what should occur in a given situation, and they concentrate only on seeing that result.  Even if it does happen, they may have missed out on something even better.

2.  Listen to intuition. Your gut gives you clues all the time in situations you encounter.  People who make their own luck listen to it.  Rather than being rational and looking only at the facts, allow your intuition to factor in to your decision-making process.

3.  Allow positive expectations to create self-fulfilling prophecies. By looking for the best, we will instruct our sub-conscious mind to recognize good opportunities when they present themselves.  Conversely, we notice only the things that go wrong when we expect the worst.  There are some great examples of experiments that prove this out in the article itself.

4.  Adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good. The classic “make lemonades out of lemons” situation.  It’s okay to acknowledge that your present circumstances aren’t the most pleasant or beneficial, but you have to truly believe that better things are coming.  Take a critical look at what’s really going on in your life (not an emotional one that only notices the bad points and skips over the good) and find out how to use the skills and resources available to you to profit from your current situation.

What’s the real problem here?  As I see it, many people who read this article, my site, and others like it, will dismiss the advice as too optimistic/starry-eyed/Pollyanna-ish for real life.  These folks (and I have been one myself at times, don’t get me wrong) pride themselves on being “realists”, not allowing anyone to put rose-colored glasses in front of their eyes.

The problem is that these folks have just as unrealistic a view of life as do those who see life being a constant stream of puppies and ice cream.  Real life isn’t perfect, but it’s certainly not out to get you, either.  You need to make honest evaluations of the good and the bad in your situations, while always maintaining the four characteristics listed above.

I’m reminded of the boy who got a pile of horse crap for Christmas.  He started digging through it with gusto as his father asked him what in the world he was doing.  The boy’s response?  “With this much horse poop, I know there’s gotta be a pony in here somewhere!”

The truth is that nothing happens until we take action.  Circumstances change, but the only thing we can control is our response to them.  If we have a positive outlook, things will begin to turn around for us.

What about you?  How do you make your own luck?  What tips do you have for maintaining a positive attitude in the face of negative circumstances?  Let us know in the comments….

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As I’ve mentioned previously, when I started this blog, it wasn’t really to garner a huge following.  Oh, sure:  in my crazy dreams I’d think about being a full-time blogger once in a while.  But, realistically, I started just as an outlet for some pent-up creativity.  I was using this platform to get some stuff off my chest and to work out issues I was struggling with.

When some people began reading the blog, I was very gratified.  I started writing consistently twice a week back in March of this year, so it’s been going for about 7 months now.  Start Being Your Best currently has a little over 400 subscribers.  I don’t talk about subscriber numbers much here because I don’t think it’s really relevant to what I’m doing.  I’m not looking to build a huge following/tribe/whatever right now.  I’m still looking at this as a location where I can write about things that I think about and are important to me.  The only thing that’s changed is that now I can get some feedback, suggestions and discussion that provokes more consideration on my part.

I want to THANK you all for that.  Your comments and discussion has been invaluable to me.

What’s struck me recently is that I’ve used the attention that I’ve garnered as something of a motivator to keep going.  I’ve created an obligation to you, my readers, that I will consistently post on the topics of self-improvement and leadership.

That’s a good thing.  I often need to feel like I’m accountable to someone in order to keep from slacking off.  I’m sure many of you feel the same way about things in your life, and are happy to have someone “check up on you” from time to time.

Here’s my question: how far do we take this “obligation situation”?  When you create an artificial sense of accountability (as opposed to, say, a parent’s duty to care for their children), how far do you go in order to keep that?

Let’s do a thought experiment, shall we?

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re writing a blog that a certain person relies on for their sole source of support and encouragement (This is PURELY HYPOTHETICAL.  I am unaware of anyone who views this particular blog in this manner).  Then let’s further assume that, for some reason, you decide it’s time for you to hang up your keyboard.  What you’re writing about (let’s keep it easy and say it was a personal development blog) is still relevant and helpful to you, but you’re just not interested in posting your thoughts any more in a public manner.

You quit posting, and in a couple of weeks, you start receiving some form of communication (emails, comments on old posts, whatever) from this one individual that indicates that your decision to stop blogging is negatively impacting their well-being.  Take that however you’d like.  They could be really bummed out about it, all the way down to emotionally distraught and perhaps a danger to themselves.

This person tells you that the fact that you’ve stopped blogging is what drove them to this state.  Furthermore, they assure you that things will get better if you just start writing again.

What’s your obligation here?

As people who are trying to become better, our obligation to our fellow humans is quite large.  I believe that we’re put here on this earth to show concern for others.  But what does that really mean?  Do we need to sacrifice every shred of our own desires in service to our fellow human beings, or are we only obligated to help others if it coincides with our own self-interest?  Or is the answer somewhere in between?

These types of commitments could obviously apply to a lot of situations (someone starts a business that has employees who would be adversely affected if that person sells the business, for instance).  But what do you think?  Are these “social contracts” that we create all the time by implication (you never promised to blog or own that business forever and ever, did you?) actual obligations?  I’d be interested to hear all of your comments here.

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Back in 2001, I joined the Army.  I did this because of 9/11.  However, I knew I wasn’t going to just take any old job they wanted me to take.  I specifically wanted to be a linguist.

I had always heard that the US military had one of the best language schools in the world, providing “full immersion” training (language instruction in the native language, for those who aren’t familiar with the term “immersion”).  It’s as close as you can get to learning in a foreign country without actually being there.

So, after 16 months of 7 hours a day training, I graduated as a qualified Chinese Mandarin linguist, having passed the Defense Language Proficiency Test.

Learning a second language is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.  But it’s been absolutely wonderful for my personal development, even though there were many times when I wasn’t too happy about the choice I’d made to do it.  Here are 5 reasons why I would suggest EVERYONE attempt to learn a language other than your native one.

1. Another tool in your toolbox. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re the entrepreneurial sort, or someone who draws a paycheck.  Knowing a foreign language makes you more attractive to potential employers/clients.  It opens up new opportunities for you to assist in ways that you simply couldn’t without being multi-lingual.

But, it’s first and foremost another way to serve others.  Because I speak another language, I’ve had the opportunity to communicate with people that I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.  It’s allowed me to help them get to where they needed to go.  Would they have figured it out on their own?  Yeah, probably.  Was it nice for them to get to speak to someone in their own language (albeit stuttering ol’ me) in a foreign country that seemed to be confusing to them?  You bet it was.  You should have seen their faces light up when they heard a white guy speak Mandarin.  Priceless.

2. Develop discipline. Language learning requires effort every single day.  It’s not something you can pick up with two lessons a week.  Understanding how to develop a habit of consistency, and why it’s so important, is the single greatest lesson I discovered as I was going through language school.  I can say honestly that the only reason I got any discipline at all from the military was because I went to language school.

3. Expanded horizons, for you and others. Learning a new language requires you to learn something about another culture.  Some cultures are more foreign than others, but every single one does at least one thing differently than what you’re used to.  By taking the time and effort to understand a certain idiom or mannerism necessary to communicate effectively in a new language, you open your eyes to new experiences.

Additionally, you’re going to meet people that don’t think the same way you do.  The process of learning a language allows you to ask all kinds of questions that may be taboo in another culture, or simply not often questioned.  The exchange of ideas, and the necessity to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, provides a growth opportunity for both parties.  Is this going to solve world hunger, or the nuclear weapons problem?  Not hardly.  But it can make a big difference in your life, and in the life of the person you’re speaking with.

4. Gain confidence. Speaking to someone new has always been difficult for me.  Speaking with someone new in a new language, well… that’s exponentially harder. I’m still much better at understanding spoken Mandarin than I am at speaking it myself.

But speaking up in a foreign language, especially when you’re still learning, forces you to become okay with failure.  Not that you accept it as the final end state, but that you realize it’s not going to kill you.  I can’t tell you how many times my teachers, let alone people on the street in China, cracked up at me when I tried to say something.  But, every single time, even the people who weren’t being paid to instruct me taught me how to say something properly.  I thanked them for their help and went on my way, perhaps having learned a new phrase.

I found out that people weren’t looking to pounce on me when I screwed up.  Sure, I got laughed at, but it wasn’t mean-spirited.  It was simply funny (sometimes really funny, depending on how badly I mangled a phrase).  We had a good chuckle, and then moved on.  I learned that you’re never going to be perfect, so why worry about it?  Just do what you’re going to do, and fix it as you go along.

5. Do something difficult. Sometimes, it’s worth doing something hard simply for the sake of doing something hard.  As my dad used to say, “It builds character”.  And, “You’ll thank me for this one day”.  And, “It’ll be over before you’re married”.  I especially hated that last one, and it wasn’t even true in the case of language school.

But, looking back, he was right.  Doing stuff that’s not a lot of fun simply because it’s the right thing to do is sometimes a good enough reason.  Because it’s difficult, you have to look for long-term benefits, rather than short-term gratifications.  Sublimating your desires is a key component in personal development, whether we want to admit it or not.

Now, doing what I did to learn a language isn’t exactly the most traditional path.  I’m not suggesting someone join the military for solely this purpose.  In fact, I think that’s a really BAD idea.

However, if you want to learn a language, and you want to do something great for someone else at the same time, here are two ways to do it:

1.  Join the Peace Corps (or some other similar organization). If you’re a member of an evangelical religion, you can volunteer to do a long-term mission trip with one of countless organizations that offer language instruction as part of their training programs.  For those of you who aren’t, the Peace Corps does a lot of good things for the poorest of the poor.  From my understanding, you don’t have much of a choice in where you end up, but if you just want to do something that will truly impact people on a personal level, I can’t think of a better way to do it than through volunteer (or very low-paid) aid work.

2.  Trade English lessons for other lessons. My wife heads up a language program with refugees, where volunteers take time to practice English conversation skills with those folks who’ve recently arrived in our country.  I’m not aware of anyone taking the next logical step from these programs and offering tutoring in English in exchange for foreign language tutoring.

However, if you’re interested in helping out folks who need a helping hand, this would work on a couple of levels.  First of all, you’re providing a valuable skill to a refugee (or anyone in this country who doesn’t know the language well) simply by doing something you already do well: talk.

Secondly, you’re allowing these folks the opportunity to serve, as well.  I’ve had the opportunity to speak with some refugees who feel as though they’re not contributing to society, and due to visa/Social Security/other issues, aren’t even allowed to do so.  Learning from them can give a feeling of pride to someone who may desperately need one.

So, if you don’t speak more than one language, I’d encourage you to pick one up.  If you’re already multi-lingual, I’d encourage you to learn another.  In our increasingly small world, you’ll be glad you did.

What are some unique methods or experiences you’ve encountered that have allowed you to learn new skills?  Are there any other ways you can think of to simultaneously learn a skill and improve other’s lives?  Share them with us in the comments…

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I want to start a new periodic series here on Start Being Your Best called “Reader Spotlight”.  We’ve got  a fair amount of people who read this blog regularly, and I’ve had a chance to correspond with some of them that are making a commitment to being their best.  If these folks are doing something that I think may be of interest to the rest of the community, I thought it would be a good idea to share it.

Today’s inaugural entry in the series is Filip Matous’ soon-to-be-launched site, Standstrong.tv.  According to Filip, Standstrong.tv will be:

…the number one philosophy video show on the internet that allows people  to see how different walks of life are all similar in their needs. We all need purpose, we all need love and there is so much out there that tries to separate people, why not put something out there that unifies?

In the interest of full disclosure, Filip approached me about doing a video interview to be included when the site launches.  Since I thought the idea was really awesome (and because I love to hear myself talk ), I was honored to be asked and quickly accepted.  He and I began to correspond a little bit about the concept prior to the interview and I asked him what the unifying thread between all the guests would be, and what we’d be talking about.  He said:

The main question I’ll be asking is this: What is the main thing you want to be known for, long after you are gone? Life really goes quick, if there is that one thing you want to be known for – what are you doing to achieve that dream?

Some people leave awesome children, some a piece of art, some a legacy, a business, a movement, and some seem to just fade away, nothing immortal from their life is left behind. I find that sad, and I see that people who really go after something usually feel happier and fulfilled then those who coast through life never trying to achieve something unique to leave their own little mark. To feel insignificant is terrifying to me.

I’ve been fascinated with the responses I’ve heard so far because I find that question directs a lot of what people do with their life. Even more scary are the ones that have no answer.

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1. Do Something Awesome
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Ed. Note – There are affiliate links in this post.  That means I will get paid a commission on any sales that come from you clicking through a link and purchasing a book.  So help a brother out, huh?

I don’t think it’s much of a secret that I’m a fan of personal development books.  So, when I heard that Life Coach Tim Brownson (who I’ve featured on this blog previously) was co-authoring a book called How To Be Rich and Happy, I was excited to read and review it.  I don’t always agree with Tim, but that’s okay.  I respect the fact that he’s honest about who he is, and, on the whole he’s a pretty awesome dude.

I was even more excited when Tim offered me a free copy to review on this site.  I’m a sucker for free stuff.  If you click through this link, you can get the first three sections of the book as a free download, as well.

The thing is, I’m pretty picky about the books that I read, and I’m even more picky about the books that I recommend.  John Maxwell’s book Developing The Leader Within You is one of, if not the, most recently published personal development books that I own.  It was published in 1993.  Other books that I often recommend are:

• Enthusiasm Makes The Difference, by Norman Vincent Peale (published 1967)
• The Richest Man In Babylon, by George S. Clason (1926)
• How I Raised Myself From Failure to Success In Selling, by Frank Bettger (1947)
• Hung By The Tongue, by Francis P. Martin (1979)
• The Magic of Thinking Big, by David J. Schwartz (1959)
• The Go-Getter, by Peter B. Kyne (1921)
• How To Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie (1936)

With the exception of Hung By The Tongue, all of these books are older than I am (a couple are older than my grandparents, for cryin’ out loud).  Personally, I think that’s an advantage.  If you can still find a book that, in the case of The Richest Man In Babylon, has been around for 83 years and is still in print, there’s probably something there you should pay attention to.

Truth stands the test of time.  Hype fades.

Which brings me back to How To Be Rich and Happy.  What Tim and his co-author John Strelecky have written is nothing earth-shattering.

In my mind, that’s a HUGE compliment.

With so many so-called gurus and lifestyle designers out there today, it’s refreshing to read a book by contemporary authors that emphasize time-tested personal development theories.  Topics such as:

• Aligning your goals and values
• The power of positive self-talk and daily, verbal affirmations
• Greeting life’s challenges with enthusiasm, rather than trying to do everything possible to side-step them
• And more…

Of course, they put these ideas into their own words and provide timely examples to drive the concepts home.  They’re simply updating timeless truths for a new generation of people who haven’t yet been introduced to them.

As I read through the book, every single chapter had me thinking, “This is the one I’ll feature.  This is the one that the rest of the book hinges on.  This is the one that will be most helpful to my readers”.  Then I’d read one chapter further and change my mind.  There are so many great points made that it’s impossible to pick just one or two to single out.

I don’t know about you, but there have been many times in my life where I’ve heard a piece of advice that I’d heard many times previously, yet all of a sudden it finally clicks.  Many of the things that Tim and John wrote about in this book are issues that I addressed in my Life Design Series on this very blog.

Even though the content of the message wasn’t different, the way they said it, and the examples they used to support it, somehow shed a whole new light on many of these concepts.  For me, that’s great.  I can never hear positive lessons too many times, because so often I lose sight of them.

Having read through the book in two days, I really feel as though I’ve had the opportunity to have some one-on-one time with the authors, asking them questions and getting their opinions on how to address some of the challenges I face.  And I’m certain that when I read through it again (which I will very soon), I’ll pick up on many things that I missed the first time.

Are there areas where I would have written something a little differently, or chosen a different example?  Sure there are.  But that’s the great thing about this book.  What I’ve said in the past may have planted a seed that will be watered and come to fruition through reading How To Be Rich and Happy. Each one of us can’t reach everyone, but we can all reach someone that no one else can.

I can’t recommend this book highly enough, which is why I’m happy to say that it’s the first product that I’ve been willing to feature on this blog and carry an ad for (which you can find on the right hand side of your screen).  Give it a read.  You won’t be disappointed.

Have you read How To Be Rich and Happy?  What did you think?  Let the rest of us know in the comments…

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