…. is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

A Story.

Ever hear the story about the single girl in her mid 20′s who decided she was ready to settle down?

“She was that particular kind of girl. You know the kind I’m talking about. She had her act together, knew herself well, was admired by many, would be greenly envied if she weren’t so darn giving and lovable, with potential to accomplish anything and everything she set her mind to. By the age of 25 she was highly educated with a career that could set her up comfortably while leaving plenty of time for living and cultivating interests outside of work.

The only thing left was to find that special someone.

Fast forward several years. She was now 32. Life, fantastic. Work, great. She had many friends and interests. The only problem was she still hadn’t found a companion and she could hear the clock ticking louder and louder with each baby shower she attended.

She went to a counselor to find out “what was wrong with her”, “what she was doing wrong” that kept her single. After getting to know the girl, the counselor could not come up with any unrealistic expectation, baggage or shut door.

The counselor had the young woman describe her home and her schedule in detail. When she was done, the counselor gave her an exercise to try for several months. She sent the young woman home to clear physical space in her home and time in her schedule that she expected a mate would fill, live with it for a while and then come back to see her.”

Alternative Endings.

I’ve heard this story with several different endings. Then each ending has several possible alternative ‘moral to the story’ usually depending on the state of mind/relationship of the teller or matching the agenda point trying to be made.

I wanted to tell you this story again, not because I wanted to leave you hanging, but because it kept coming to my mind repeatedly since starting this project. AND all of the possible morals fit what I was feeling. AND all of the questions those morals brought up kept prickling at me.

So is it “Fake it ’til you make it” or “Try it to see if it works for you”? “Don’t doubt yourself so much”?

What do you do if the you find the attempt doesn’t fit you? Do you fall back to the familiar or try something completely different? What if it DOES work? Is it because this perfect girl altered many things of herself? Is that really what we should be trying to do? Was it because her Faith was rewarded? What does that say about the Faith of the rest of us who don’t get a happy regardless-of-the-outcome ending?

…

More and more questions and lost footsteps.

Just before the new year began, I wrote to all of you that we were coming out of one of the worst times of our lives and I realized we were ready to begin moving forward again.

With shaky legs, I jumped back into re-establishing the life we had before our latest roller coaster took life as we knew it through the mega 360, intending to write as I went.

Well before the end of January, I already knew I wasn’t on the right path by returning to updated versions of the familiar.  I kept fighting it anyway. Early February, I realized for some reason in spite of all my busy efforts, I was not only off course, but headed more and more in the opposite direction. I kept fighting it anyway.

By mid February I’d filled four pages of specific things I wanted to write in detail describing the productive things we were doing but hadn’t had time to write about. Yet whenever I did have the time…. I felt like too much of a hypocrite.

One Giant Step

Questions kept pelting. Frustration kept stealing motivation.

Can we go back to the way things were before? Should we try?

I quit writing.

Then the most marvelous thing happened!

I quit pushing in real life, too.

I just. let. go.

Welcome to the Laurel Plum Online Clutter Scavenger Hunt.

The clutter monster I want you to go after today is unfinished projects.

An unfinished project is anything you have started, left in various states of progress, but have not completed. Do not look to all of the things you’ve been meaning to do. Those do not count. Yet. Focus on things you have already begun.

If you can, gather them all in one location. If you can’t get them together, at least make a single list of all of them.

Once you’ve gotten them together or have your list, take a second look.

• How many do you really have to finish? Can you let some go for good?
• Would it be better to have someone else finish it even of you have to hire them?
• How many are you no longer interested in completing?
• Is there one or more you could finish right now?
• Can you sort them out by approximate time needed to complete, then begin with the quickest to build momentum?
• Is there one in particular you are dreading doing? If you just can’t get yourself to dive in right now, set a specific date and keep it. Can you imagine how amazing it will feel to accomplish it and put the burden behind you?!

Donate or get rid of any that you are ready to let go. Then get a game plan for the rest and knock all of these unfinished projects out. You don’t have to do them all in one sitting. Just make an earnest effort to consistently work on them until they are all done.

While you are working, give some thought to why the project wasn’t finished the first time around.

• Did you lose interest?
• Did you get burn out?
• Was it something you wanted for a particular holiday or event, but missed the deadline?
• Do you have a problem keeping too many irons in the fire?

If you can find some patterns, it will help more unfinished projects from piling up in the future.

Your Story

Just for fun, for each challenge let me know what is the weirdest thing you find. As always, I would love to hear when any challenge makes a difference for you big or small.

Before you start, grab a camera. Take before and after pictures. Keeping a pictorial journal for your decluttering accomplishments can be a big boost later on those days when you feel you are not making a difference.

I’m having one of those days. I got up this morning to see something that set me off into a mood.

It was like a starting gun fired except instead of the reverberating “KA-POW” being heard, it was a very silent, “Let the pouting begin.” As the morning carried on, I worked my way into wanting to throw a full fledged temper tantrum. I’m talking bucket tears, flailing limbs, holding my breath until I turn blue tantrum. I wanted to rebel. Completely. Lash out. Run away. Poor me. Under appreciated, unnoticed, gettin’ no respect… would anyone ever miss me anyway?…..

Now, the sane, intellectual part of me recognizes the fact that I am being an irrational brat. It keeps trying to regain composure. Comes up with excuses to force this childish spirit into oblivion – PMS, low blood sugar, too much spicy food last night… anything to dilute the existence of my inner two year old. Mostly unsuccessfully. Inside my head this little rebel sparred on and on with the person I’ve come to believe I’ve grown to be.

Ever have crazy bratty moments like that? Come on. Someone else admit to it!

Are you wondering what could possibly set me into such a mood? You’ve got to promise not to laugh. The reason is {mumble mumble} Hubby left his empty hangers laying out. One on a side table, the other on the floor.

You’re laughing, aren’t you. No? Then stop rolling your eyes. Yes. I am very aware this is actually nothing to stress about. Well, the grown up part of me knows.

I could excuse  my attitude away by trying to explain that this said area is the room where I focused my efforts last week. That I saw not the hangers but a red flag planted firmly into the land of a realm where my efforts are not only disrespected, but in fact unnoticed. In reality, I was stuck being a self-centered little brat that was not able to grasp  any other explanation for his actions.

Now, I know Hubster fairly well after 15 plus years together. He was gone before I woke this morning.  He may have been running late and haphazardly hurried out the door. He may not have slept well and been groggier than normal this morning, going messily through the motions as he got dressed.  Regardless of what the actual reason is, I’m sure it had nothing to do with me nor his attitude toward me or our home.

As for the downward spiral into full fledged tantrum, I intellectually know that is nothing  more than a few misplaced negative thoughts that snowballed as other things were remembered or noticed throughout the morning. The snowball and my mind racing faster and faster as the negative thoughts accumulated. Making the snowball larger and larger still. Again finding thoughtlessness in my husband and kids that (hopefully) is not really there.

So what’s a girl to do when in spite of rational thought you can’t shake off this defeating mood?

First,  acknowledge there is a part of each of us that IS a brat. Then make it work FOR us.

It will actually help a lot around the house.  AND with your relationships.

One of the first books that really got through to me the idea that I was using systems in the home vs. keeping up with lots of random tips was  Sidetracked Home Executives(TM): From Pigpen to Paradise(aff.) by Pam and Peggy Young. I was introduced to their theory that each of us has an inner brat. A child that has never grown up and demands attention a bit from time to time. They even recommended that we name them. Mine is ‘Lil Rebel’.

I forget about that theory until moments like these, but it helped me recognize and solve a lot of things that kept me a mess, literally and figuratively, in my twenties.

When I used to do laundry, I would go to the machines and would always have cold wrinkled clothes in the dryer and a getting-stinky-moldy quick load in the washer.

Now, when you are trying to make a home for the first time, you are fairly likely to come across numerous examples like this all around your house. It can convince you that you are incapable, incompetent, dysfunctional, abnormal, insert other self degrading adjective here… BUT! When you acknowledge an inner brat, you can declare it an inexplicable situation and work it.

Every time I walked by the laundry room, I knew it was there needing to be done, and just. kept. walking. Later. Procrastinate. Procrastinate. Finally get to a point when I was out of underwear or something and dealt with it only to find the clothes and machines as described and commence to beat myself up emotionally. Then a laundry marathon would begin until I’d get too tired to deal with the last loads and the cycle would begin again.

Once  I discovered the brat theory, I determined my inner brat saw all of that as too much work. It wasn’t any failing of MINE, it was my inner brat throwing a fit. Giving my twenty something self the gift of that excuse was VERY freeing. I didn’t need to psychoanalyze myself to come up with a cause. I didn’t have to blame my parents for not teaching my any better. I didn’t have to settle for the idea that this was as good as I was going to get. I didn’t give up.

I began doing laundry sprints instead of marathons. I did a bit of laundry every day. My inner brat could handle that. She had the stamina and attention span.

The moral of the story.

The whole thing sounds schizophrenic, doesn’t it. At first I guess this kind of thinking feels a little  schizophrenic. All I know is that once I’d heard about the theory, whenever a negative thought about myself would come to mind, I would suddenly stop and try to figure out what it was my brat was unable to handle. Once I’d started paying attention to her, she and the negative thoughts became quiet. Both the emotional and physical messes started disappearing.

Maybe you don’t buy the idea of a tantrum throwing kiddo running around your brain causing you grief.  I still have a story that may help you understand why this theory works anyway.

An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there’s a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth. The grandson thought about it and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” — Cherokee folktale

Next time, I want to talk about how getting to know Lil’ Rebel made a huge difference in my relationships. Until then, chew on the Brat Theory a bit and see if you discover one in your house, too.

Welcome to the Laurel Plum Online Clutter Scavenger Hunt.

Take your arms and spread them wide. Stretch every muscle all the way to your finger tips.  Now, take  10 to 15 minutes right now to tackle all of the spaces your fingertips could reach.

This mission is one to rinse and repeat.

There are a few places in our lives where we spend a majority of our time. Our favorite chair, our desks at home or at work, our kitchen table, our bedside table, where we put our make-up on (unless we’ve given up on that luxury), our car…  The rest of the time is mostly spent in motion or transition between those places. You are probably sitting in the middle of one of the big ones for you right this minute.

These spots can get piled up. Often. We sometimes don’t even notice until something or someone calls it to our intention. Until something can’t be found. Until something causes an overflow into the floor.

We play a big part in the damage, but others add to the piles, too. They expect us to be in those places. This is where they come looking for us. They leave notes or things they want us to see even when we are not there.

Co-workers help. Spouses help. Kids come with a lot of stuff that invades our spaces. Children especially are great for ganging up on you with stuff when you are flat unable to give them the attention they deserve. Multi-task? I can not tell you how many times I’ve been cooking or on the phone, even in the ‘powder room’ when one of the kids has brought something for me to see. At least 10 times a day I tell them to go put said widget on my desk for me to look at after I get done with the task at hand.

We really need to be more diligent with keeping these frequent places as peaceful, neat and pretty as possible. Not because it is expected. Not because we are suppose to be super women. We need to because these spaces have such a continuous impact on us.   We deserve it. We owe it to ourselves to at least try.

So today, take a few minutes to make a difference on the area immediately around you wherever you are reading this. Do not go out and buy a bunch of things to tame and contain all the stuff around you yet. Just keep taking 5 minutes here and there cleaning things up. Keep at it until you feel you can start from the best case scenario with what is already in front of you. Start at one end and work your way all the way around.

• Toss out all of the trash.
• Sort like with like including a pile of anything that belongs somewhere else.
• Put away as many things as possible.

The Next Step.

Once you feel you are starting from scratch, THEN start paying attention to the specific things that begin to pile up and the possible reasons they do. One by one, look for a solution to stop it, store it, or otherwise strategize it from becoming a problem again.

• If you find you have a bunch of mail that keeps piling up, work out a strategy to reduce or even eliminate it from your space. You can eliminate a lot of it from even hitting your mailbox then work out a daily routine to deal with the rest very quickly.
• If you find you have odd pieces of garbage, could you eliminate it by putting a trash can closer? Is the one that is close smaller than needed? Simply keeping temporary disposable grocery bags in my car has done wonders!
• Could you set up a system for all of the kids items nearby? A box for little toys? An ‘In’ box for all of their papers? Maybe one for each child and anyone else in the house? (Consider using vertical space. You can dress up inexpensive acrylic wall file boxes (aff.) at a height accessible to each person with stylish file folders or scrapbook paper glued to the inside.) Do their papers even have to infiltrate your space? You may be able to set up an in/out location near your launch pad instead. Just make sure to check it every day.
• Are there a bunch of pens laying around because you don’t take the time to put them away? Or a bunch of papers laying around because you can’t find a pen when you need it?  When I’m at my desk working, I have to push back to get to the pencil drawer. Now I know it is just a few movements. It’s not that I’m lazy, I’m just usually in a flow. I know that when I adjust myself physically to retrieve or put away a pen, it takes some time to adjust back to focusing on what I was doing. Call it ADD or Mom-nesia, either way having a place for pens within reach, using as few movements as possible to get to, keeps the pens put away and some of those papers at bay, not to mention those “What was I doing?” moments from deepening the furrow in my brow as often.

This part of the process will probably take several work sessions over a period of time. Start with the biggest inconvenience or the things taking up the most space first then work your way down to the next until you find yourself with an area that takes only a moment to reset.

Try to work with what you have on hand. You may have to try a few different approaches before you find what will work for you long term. When you get to a point when you feel efficient in your space, then you can spend some money to dress up your solutions.

Work this mission on each of the areas you spend the most time. When you’re done, you’ll have great insight to your/your families habits and how to work WITH those habits (in-spite of those habits?) to carry into organizing any part of your home.

Your Story

Just for fun, for each challenge let me know what is the weirdest thing you find.  As always, I would love to hear when any challenge makes a difference for you big or small.

Before you start, grab a camera. Take before and after pictures. Keeping a pictorial journal for your decluttering accomplishments can be a big boost later on those days when you feel you are not making a difference.

By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. Proverbs 24:3-4

You are here.

Before I start on any project, I try to remember to take before and after photos. Sometimes several in between. You can see where you are starting, the encouraging progress, and how far you’ve traveled overall.  This project isn’t any different.

For our house it is easy. I went around with the camera taking pictures of everything. Room by room I opened cabinets, closets, and drawers. I grabbed my favorite scarf, bundled up and took a stroll outside taking pictures of the exterior and the yard.  I saved all of the pictures in a folder on my desktop labeled ‘Before’.

With all of the other categories,  I couldn’t take actual pictures, but I could figure out a way to get a snapshot of the way things stood at this particular moment. First, I added 5 sections to my home management notebook. One for each category.

I spent all of my spare time last week documenting beforehand or baselines in each one.

Finances. Getting a snapshot of our finances took several small chunks of time over a couple of days. I used to be extremely diligent with our money and tracking it. When life brings on a bunch of rapid changes, being aware of the money is often one of the first things to slip through the cracks. If a lot of time passes, or if they get really out of control, the first step back can be pretty scary to face. Until you do face it, get that snapshot, the situation will never improve. Baby steps.

I pulled out all of our bills for last year. I separated them into fixed bills such as car payment, mortgage  and insurance, semi-fixed such as utility bills, and the variable items including grocery, our credit cards and any other household expenses I could track down. I used a spreadsheet to come up with an average monthly payment for each item, listed the interest rates of each loan or credit line,  and the minimum payment if it was different from the average payment. I printed the page out and placed it in the notebook. I also printed out a current statement of our checking and savings account.

Once you have this information in front of you, it seems you either get so wrapped up in trying to fix everything in one sitting or close your eyes and never look again. I had to keep remembering that I was just getting all the information I had available together to see a snapshot of the current big picture. I used up two full pages in the mind dump notebook writing down the things I had an urge to do next. Now that a few days have passed, I’ll take another look and move some of those things over to the master to-do list.

Health. We have all had fairly recent physicals, with the next set already scheduled. Apparently everything there was within range.

Other than doctor visits and trips to the drugstore for over the counter treatments, we really have taken our health for granted for quite awhile. There are a lot of numbers you could look at to determine if a person is healthy. There are also a lot that people pick that don’t really tell the whole story. Which do you choose? How many do you try to track? For them to work for our family, I had to choose things that would work for each of us individually and as a whole.  I chose a few specific things I could fairly easily quantify over time for all of us that would tell a well rounded picture – weight, body measurements, and approximate daily hours of good energy levels.

Family and Friends. This one was sort of tricky. How do you get a baseline on the people in your life? How do you judge the health of your relationships?

I took inspiration from one of the teenager’s computer games. The Sims. I’m not a big fan of the game, but the general character relationship aspect is interesting and fairly true to life. In the game, the way I understand it, each relationship has its own heath meter. The health of the relationship is determined by how much interaction you have with each character and whether the interaction is is deemed appropriate based on how close every two characters are to one another.

If a Sim talks or hugs another Sim that it is close to, the relationship meter increases. The relationship is strengthened. If any two Sims interact fairly regularly, the relationship meter stays reasonably strong. If there is not any interaction for longer periods of time, two Sims will become estranged as the meter decreases on its own over time. If a Sim tries to hug another Sim it does not know or has become estranged with, the interaction is deemed negative (awkward) and causes the meter to decrease. Also, one Sim can seem to get a positive experience from an interaction while the other perceives it as neutral or negatively.

With those thoughts I sat down and just sort of jotted down the most recent date of a memory I had of spending time with each person in my circle including people I thought highly of but don’t really get the opportunity to see. If it was a positive experience, I had the approximate date and a plus sign, if it was a negative experience, I had the date and a minus sign.

Now I’m not so superficial to come back to this page each time I interact with someone I know. But I did get enough out of the experience to revisit the exercise once a year.

I was really surprised how many of what I consider close friends I could not come up with a date to write down. I was also surprised of the number of people I thought of that I would like to get to know better that came to mind yet I barely said more than “Hello, how are you?” whenever I happened to run into them.

It seems as we’ve gotten older, we spend more time one on one with individuals or with the same one or two couples. I miss intermingling with friends of friends and introducing my friends to each other. At the bottom of the list, I added some various groups.  Immediate family, extended family, coworkers, etc. and tried the same for group activities instead of individual interactions. Pitiful. In no time at all I was easily able to come up with 15 actual or possible groups and only had three dates, two of which were far in the rear view mirror.

Spirit. Here is another area where writing out the starting point made me a bit angry with myself. The other day, I said that spirit referred to not only renewing a relationship with God, which is important to me, but also anything that refreshes or strengthens one’s self. Could include things like getting more sleep, waking earlier to guarantee quiet time, self-pampering, hobbies, education in new things or formal education, career goals…

This baseline was short and sour. I started making a list of all of the things I was currently actively doing to strengthen myself only to realize I’d been neglecting – maybe I should just say I’d been neglected.

How is it that we wish others to treat us with love, friendship, affection, attention… but so quickly forget to treat ourselves with the same regard?

Are you taking a look at where you are? Setting starting lines? What kind of things are surprising you?