Laughing Bananas

Maureen Dowd, You Lie, Bee-atch!

2009-09-16T15:54:00.004-05:00

Freakazoid writer M. Dowd penned quite an article last week. In her column she wrote...

The normally nonchalant Barack Obama looked nonplussed, as Nancy Pelosi glowered behind.

Surrounded by middle-aged white guys - a sepia snapshot of the days when such pols ran Washington like their own men's club - Joe Wilson yelled "You lie!" at a president who didn't.

But, fair or not, what I heard was an unspoken word in the air: You lie, boy!

Gosh! Maureen's got hearing problems! I never heard the word , boy. Never even had that thought. Kinda weird how O'Dowdie thought such a thing. Maybe M Dowd is a bit racist herself. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Try using some Q-Tips Dowd. Because what you heard is a lie, bee-atch!

Jimmy Carter - You Lie!

2009-09-16T14:19:00.005-05:00

Ex-President Jimmy Carter, known to many as the worst president ever, knows you better than you know yourself. It seems like there is a growing theme these days. If you're against any liberal idea or a democrat then you must be a racist.

That's right America, you nasty little racists have been discovered. You're not against higher taxes, you're not against smaller government, you're not against a take over of health care, you're a scared of a BLACK man!! Yep, damn racists.

Here's what the old democratic zombie had to say...

"I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a black man, that he's African American," Carter said. "I live in the South, and I've seen the South come a long way and I've seen the rest of the country that shared the South's attitude toward minority groups at that time ... and I think it's bubbled up to the surface, because of a belief among many white people, not just in the South but around the country, that African-Americans are not qualified to lead this great country."

We're not sure who elected Obama though, seeing as there are more whites than blacks in this country. Oh well. Jimmy Carter is an idiot.

Hello Older, White Malcontents!

2009-08-13T14:00:00.007-05:00

That's right, you stupid folks that are a very small band of organized right wing nuts, you have now been classified. The grass roots uprising going on against this health care plan is not coming from the majority, rather a very loud minority of right wingers.

Here's how Maureen Dowd compared the grass roots groups that got Obama elected to the grass roots groups trying to stop the death panel bill...

Instead of a multicultural tableau of beaming young idealists on screen, we see ugly scenes of mostly older and white malcontents, disrupting forums where others have come to actually learn something. Instead of hope, we get swastikas, death threats and T-shirts proclaiming "Proud Member of the Mob."

Yep, the people exercising their right to free speech are now malcontents. Bastards! You should be ashamed.

Who's Maureen the Queen? Who cares? I believe she's some left wing nut that works for the world headquarters of Obama Land, otherwise known as the New York Times.

Thanks for the editorial Dowd. She states that people have come to the forums to learn. Only problem is, the politicians do nothing but lie. Yeah, lie. Big ass liars! There I said it. The proof is in the pudding. Compare these two statements:

Obama then: I happen to be a proponent of a single payer universal health care program. I see no reason why the United States of America, the wealthiest country in the history of the world, spending 14 percent of its Gross National Product on health care cannot provide basic health insurance to everybody. And that's what Jim is talking about when he says everybody in, nobody out. A single payer health care plan, a universal health care plan. And that's what I'd like to see. But as all of you know, we may not get there immediately. Because first we have to take back the White House, we have to take back the Senate, and we have to take back the House.

Obama now: I have not said that I was a single payer supporter....

Okay America, you be the judge. Why are people yelling and screaming? Because they are being lied to and they are tired of it. Come on old, white malcontents, get over yourselves! This administration is going to be different. Right.

Fancy Nancy Says You Are Un-American

2009-08-11T15:48:00.004-05:00

Dimwitted Nancy has taken her arrogance to a new level. Pelosi and Stinky Hoyer, charged that an "ugly campaign" is afoot to misrepresent the health care legislation by organized protesters. Not American citizens, organized zombies is basically what they are saying.

"Let the facts be heard," they wrote. "These disruptions are occurring because opponents are afraid not just of differing views -- but of the facts themselves. Drowning out opposing views is simply un-American. Drowning out the facts is how we failed at this task for decades."

The "un-American" dig was a sign the debate is heating up. The Liberal Left cannot wrap their small minds around the fact that free thinking individuals might actually believe the government is full of shit and they are fed up with it. These people, on their own, are showing up to speak out. The Left is flabbergasted that they are not able to push their crap down our throats.

Old Nance reportedly called the GOP budget in 2006 "unpatriotic" because it drove up the national debt. What! Drove up the debt! What in the hell are you doing now Fancy Nancy?? My God, help us all!

Last week, with the health care debate growing more heated, she invoked Nazi Germany, accusing protesters of "carrying swastikas and symbols like that" to meetings. A spokesman for Pelosi later said the speaker was referencing a photo taken at a town hall meeting hosted by Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., which showed a protester holding a sign of a swastika crossed out over President Obama's name and a question mark.

Talk about trying to scare people. Nancy, you're pathetic. And the people that elected you should get everything they deserve.

Wake up America!!! Before it's to late my friends...

Could We Please Waterboard Perez Hilton?

2009-04-20T15:38:00.003-05:00

Man boob master, Perez Hilton (a.k.a. Mario Lavandeira), was asked to be a judge during the Miss USA pageant. We know he's a flaming queen but asking him to be a judge should make us all consider ever watching another pageant again.

Fat boy Perez decided it was his calling to further the HollyWEIRD liberal agenda. His earth shattering question to Miss California was, "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?"

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, basically said that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Mr. man boobs was so upset with her answer that he almost peed his pants. Because he did not agree with her answer he concluded that it was a good thing that she lost the crown. He was all a twitter that his question had brought her down.

Mario stated that, "She gave the worst answer in pageant history. She got booed. I think that was the first time in Miss USA EVER that a contestant has been booed."

She was booed a bit but the overwhelming noise heard was the crowd applauding which Mario never pointed out.

He also continued with this great LEFT WING comment, "She lost not because she doesn't believe in gay marriage. Miss California lost because she's a dumb bitch."

So, in conclusion, don't plan on becoming Miss USA unless you agree with the Liberal Left. I say we should waterboard Mario and find out how he grew such nice man boobs.

Janeane Garofalo Has A Big Mouth Yet No Brains

2009-04-18T13:03:00.006-05:00

Can you believe it? Janeane Garofalo opened her BIG FAT mouth and more crap fell out. You've got to wonder where the crap comes from when she's only got a pea sized brain. One of the true leaders of the HollyWEIRD wacko left, Janeane Garofalo let it be known that she has no understanding of what the recent tea parties stood for. She does however understand how to cram two testicles into her mouth which is what she seemed to want to talk about.

Here's just a bit of what Jack-Ass Jan had to say, "Let's be very honest about what this is about," she said. "It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. That is nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks."

Thank God this butt-ugly broad is a leader of the wacko left. I did think of a great four letter word that describes everything Jan has to say, "Yawn!"

Well tea party people, you can sit around and let the left make fun of you or you can get off your asses again in two years and vote EVERY stinkin' left wing wacko out of office. It's your choice not theirs.

Janeane Garofalo Girl Janeanius

2009-02-13T17:40:00.006-06:00

Here's some super duper intelligent thoughts from liberal wacko, kook burger Janeane Garofalo...

"The reason a person is a conservative republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that's science - that's neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. It's counter-intuitive. And they revel in their anti-intellectualism. They revel in their cruelty. I don't know if you heard me talking to Jenny a while ago, but I was saying that first you have to be an asshole and then comes the conservatism. You gotta be a dick to cleave onto their ideology..."

Yep, another liberal DEMOCRAT making us proud. Can this be real? Does she have brain damage? Hey big J, you are a little left of liberal and that makes you very strange. About .0004% of the country agrees or even understands what you say half of the time. You're weird! Take a look at America, you are on the outside. The only place that even remotely knows what the hell you are talking about is Hollyweird.

Ooops! I guess that was cruel.

Sen. Charles Schumer the Schmuck

2009-02-13T17:34:00.005-06:00

DEMOCRAT Sen. Charles Schumer said this...

"Let me say this to all of the chattering class that so much focuses on those little, tiny, yes, porky amendments: the American people really don't care," Schumer said. "The American people care far more that there's a proposal in the bill, this one I pushed, that gives kids a $2,500 credit to families who pay tuition to put their kids through college," he said.

What an idiot!!! Schumer is a schmuck and anyone that put pork in this bill will go down in a ball of fire. Idiots!!

What The 2008 Election Is Really About

2008-09-23T18:27:00.005-05:00

The presidential election of 2008 has changed. It is no longer a race about left against right, republicans versus democrats or conservatives and liberals. It has become an election of the elite versus the everyday.

On one side you now have the elite media like the New York Times, NBC and the View, the Hollywood elite like Barbra Streisand, Matt Damon and Alec Baldwin, the elite musicians like P Diddy and Ludacris and finally the elite politicians like Obama, Pelosi and Franken. This crowd populates the west coast and the east coast.

On the other side you have the every day crowd. The folks that watch Fox and Friends, listen to country music and support politicians like Palin and Huckabee. This crowd populates the entire south and middle of the country.

The Obama elite are using their influence and big money to throw parties, buy advertising and run smear campaigns against Sarah Palin. The anger and rage towards Palin can be seen oozing from their pores. They feel they should control the power in this country and that they know more about spending your money than you do.

This rage and blatant outpouring of hatred has unified the everyday middle class crowd. The everyday crowd is beginning to see the elitist crowd for what they are. They think they are smarter than everyone and they believe they are experts on everything from global warming to stem cell research.

It is now a battle between the elite and the everyday. Choose your side wisely, the next four years will decide whether we have a President that snubs his nose at us or whether we'll have a Vice President that invites us all on a moose hunt.

Sandra Bernhard - The Ugliest B#%@h Alive

2008-09-19T14:40:00.003-05:00

The washed up and washed out comic wanna be Sandra Bernhard doesn't like Sarah Palin. Imagine that. A very unattractive wretch like Bernhard cannot stand the fact that a very attractive woman like Palin can be smart, conservative and popular.

Just like in high school Sandra, you're sitting on the sideline while everyone else is dancing. The ugly chicks always grow up angry. Here's a bit of what Bernhard had to spew about Palin.

"Don't you touch my Old Testament, you b%#@h! Because we have left it open for interpre-ta-tion! It is no longer taken literally! You whore in your f%#kin' cheap New Vision cheap ass plastic glasses and your hair up. A Tina Fey, Megan Mullally, broke down bulls#%t moment."

Yep. Another Liberal Democrat. You guys are smooth. Ever wonder why you keep losing elections?

Joe Biden - Kiss Our Asses!

2008-09-19T09:37:00.005-05:00

Numb skull Senator Joseph Biden opened up and more stupidity fell out of his mouth this week. Let's get right to it...

"John McCain's making fun of the fact that I said paying taxes is patriotic," Biden said. "What I said was when a woman asked me, what do I tell people making over $250,000 a year that their taxes are going to go back to where they were with Reagan, which is a lot lower - lower than they were at Reagan, what do I tell them? I said tell them it's time to be patriotic."

There are two major flaws with this idiotic statement. First, I don't earn $250,000 a year... yet. Should the people that work harder and smarter than me pay more in taxes than I do? Should the lazy ass that won't learn a skill and doesn't mind working for minimum wage his whole life pay less? Hell no!

It's not unpatriotic to not want to throw our money away to the government that buys $1000 hammers and builds bridges to nowhere. The more money we give these Bozo's the more they waste. It's a fact! Why should I work harder so you can give MY money to the yahoo that is sitting on his ass collecting unemployment? Not gonna happen.

Secondly, do you now see how the democrats call a tax hike, a tax cut? They think that if they RAISE taxes less than they once were somewhere in time, that it amounts to a tax cut. WHAT? Does everyone understand that? Just because a few peoples taxes will be lower than they were under Reagan, you are supposed to believe Super Obama is giving tax cuts. Wake up America! Stop being zombies and quit drinking the Kool-aid being poured by the Hollywierd liberal left.

Why Democarts Hate Sarah Palin

2008-09-16T21:03:00.005-05:00

Why the hate for Sarah Palin from the Left? Simple. For as long as they can remember the Democrats have always been the champion for women. They've always had the top women candidates and feel like it is their God given right to have the first woman in the Oval Office.

With one fell swoop, John McCain has erased their hopes, their dreams and their platform. The Republicans now have the top woman on their side and it's driving the Feminists crazy. All of the sudden the Republicans are no longer the party of rich, old white guys. They are now the party of middle class, hard working men AND women!

Sarah Palin has come along and stolen the Hillary show. How the dems can vote for Obama after his gaff of not picking Hillary I'll never know.

The other reason the Left is in a tizzy? America likes Sarah Palin. Normally the Presidential election is about electing the lesser of two evils. This year it is not. The Democarts have realized very quickly that America now has a candidate that they wouldn't mind voting for and their hopes are fading fast.

If you are a Democrat you should be very afraid. If a Democrat was ever going to win the White House this would be the year. The U.S. is in a bit of a financial pickle, we still have troops in Iraq, a very unpopular Republican President has been in office for 8 years, the media is fawning over Obama, the left leaning Hollywood elite are pulling for Barrack, and yet McCain is not only not behind, he's leading in many polls.

Palin, Palin, Palin.

Barbra Streisand - Suffering With The Middle Class

2008-09-16T15:29:00.005-05:00

The liberal elite and Hollywierd left want you to know the economy is in the tank and the middle class is barely hanging on. They want you to believe that they care and they will do everything they can to help the poor. The stock market has tanked so it's time for the Dem's to throw a party in your honor.

They care so much about the suffering middle class and high gas prices that they are getting together to show how much they are suffering themselves. Left wing wack-o Barbra Streisand will be chirping out a few tunes and the very caring liberal left will be dining on a meal that I'm sure would pay a middle class families heating bill for a year or two.

As a matter of fact, the two-step evening with a reception and dinner will cost $28,500 a person followed by a later event featuring Streisand at $2,500 a ticket.

Humm. Economy in the dumps? I wonder if that $28,500-per-person could help pay to save a middle class mortgage? Ah, who cares! Let's let the lib's have a grand old time while the middle class hangs on by their finger tips.

Here's a very serious quote from Babsy, "I believe John McCain chose Gov. Palin because he truly believes that women who supported Hillary - an experienced, brilliant, lifelong public servant - would vote for him because his vice president has two X chromosomes." She also stated, "McCain's selection of Gov. Palin is a transparent and irresponsible decision all in the name of trying to win this election."

Can you believe it! A candidate chose a VP on the assumption that they would help win the election! The humanity of it all. This is just, just unheard of! Gosh Bab's, you shur or smart.

Perez Hilton - Man Boobs Are The Rage

2008-09-10T18:02:00.002-05:00

Celebrity wanna be Perez Hilton, real name - Mario Lavandeira, displayed an altered photo of Sarah Palin on his weasel blog today. The photo was altered with a pig nose and the word oink! Funny thing is, she still looked great.

This photo of Mario shows him walking his man boobs. Nice set Mario, could we interest you in a bra?

The liberal left continues its mission to take down Palin. Keep it up boobs, I mean goobs. I think the country is beginning to see the true liberal wack-o's for what they are. Amen.

Matt Damon - Hollywierd Political Expert

2008-09-10T16:36:00.007-05:00

Hollyweird political expert Matthew Damon has seen the future and it looks like certain death for John McCain. It doesn't look good for the 72 year olds out there. According to Damon, you should... "do the actuary tables and there's a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn't survive his first term..." Sorry old folks. Might as well sell the farm and pick out your coffin.

In an interview with the AP, Matty chimed in on McCain's decision to nominate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for Vice President. All the while completely forgetting that the Governor has more experience than his ordained Democratic presidential candidate! Huh?

"I think there's a really good chance Sarah Palin could become president, and I think that's a really scary thing..." said Damon. All the while completely forgetting that the Governor has more experience than his ordained Democratic presidential candidate!

If such a "nightmare" should arise, Damon believes that Palin would not be ready to handle the responsibility that comes with being commander-in-chief. All the while completely forgetting that the Governor has more experience than his ordained Democratic presidential candidate!

"And it's like she's facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It's absurd. It's totally absurd. And I don't understand why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is. It's a really terrifying possibility. The fact that we've gotten this far and we're that close to this being a reality is crazy, crazy." he added. All the while completely forgetting that the Governor has more experience than his ordained Democratic presidential candidate!

Matthew then went a little Hollywierd on us by stating, "I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago, that's an important...I want to know that. I really do. Because she's going to have the nuclear codes. I want to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago. Or if she banned books or tried to ban books. We can't have that." Um, okay.

Come on Matt, just between you and I, don't you think it is a little bit crazy, crazy to give the nuclear codes to a junior Senator that has been campaigning for most of his career and before that, was no more than a community organizer in Chicago? Come on man, THAT's CRAZY!

Michael Moore - The Fat Boy Giveth

2008-09-08T01:21:00.002-05:00

Mikey Moore wants to give you something for free! Well, not really. He wants young voters to vote for B.O. His lame attempt to rock the vote in 2004 failed so he's at it again.

Moores newest home movie, "Slacker Uprising," follows his 62-city tour during the 2004 election to rally young voters. It will be available for three weeks as a free download to North American residents, beginning Nov. 5.

Moore said he considered releasing "Slacker Uprising" theatrically as "Michael Moore's big election year movie" as he did with 2004's "Fahrenheit 9/11," which was highly critical of President Bush. But since that failed he's trying something new this year.

Moore prays "Slacker Uprising" will help trick young people into voting democratic this November. Moore readily acknowledges this a film for Democrat slackers.

"This film, really isn't for anybody other than the choir," said Moore. "But that's because I believe the choir needs a song to sing every now and then."

Amen Mikey! Keep leading the troops. We can only hope you're as successful this year as you were in 2004.

Russell Brand - Who, No... Who Cares

2008-09-08T00:11:00.007-05:00

If you're like 99.9% of America you must be asking yourself who is Russell Brand and why is he even being mentioned on such an important blog as this. Well, we don't know who he is either but we do know, luckily, he's not an American and he is blatantly unintelligent. He's being mentioned on our blog because he's a true putz.

It seems this British boob is a small time comedian that hosted the very socially relevant MTV video music awards. Are those still on? On a station that no longer plays videos? Weird.

Anyhoo, this rat haired bloke brought his lame comedy act to the States and it went something like this... live on the MTV video music awards... really...

"Now, as a representative of the global community and a visitor from abroad, I don't want to come across a little bit biased, but could I please ask of you people of America, to PLEASE ELECT BARACK OBAMA. Please! On behalf of the world. Some people, I think they're called racists, say that America is not ready for a black president. But I know America to be a forward-thinking country, right. Because, otherwise, you know, would you have let that retarded cowboy fellow be president for eight years?

We were very impressed. It was nice of you to let him have a go. Because in England, George Bush wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors.

I am obliged by broadcasting law to show some balance in this situation, which means, uh, the Republicans might be alright. Sarah Palin. She's a VILF! A vice president I'd like to... fumble, fondle, I dunno. I do feel a little bit sorry for her daughter, getting pregnant, poor kid. Is it a boy? Is it a girl? It's a P.R. stunt. Come on. Be honest.

And I feel most sorry for that poor teenaged father. Boy. One minute, he's just a teenaged lad in Alaska having joyful, unprotected sex. And the next minute: Get to the Republican convention. I think that is the best safe sex message of all time. Use a condom or become Republican! That boy will spend the rest of his life masturbating while wearing a condom...

...New music, new president, and brand new America. And you people deserve it after eight years of Bush. I promise you, you deserve it..."

Um.. okay. Hey Sir Brand, that was so funny, gosh, now I'm really going to run out and vote for B.O. because you said so and you're just so... so... Britishish.

And thanks MTV!! Wow you guys rule. Nice choice of hosts. Was P Diddy too busy investing if there are blacks in Alaska? Was Rosie too busy hanging upsde down like a bat? Was Michael Moore too busy filming a documentary on why Hollywood is soo much smarter than the rest of America?

P Diddy Combs - Thank God He's A Democrat

2008-09-04T17:55:00.004-05:00

When the democrats need someone to help get out the young vote who they gonna call? How bout that intellectual, educated, clear talking, wonder rapper P Diddy Doodle All The Day Combs! Here's a prime example of the nut jobs that infest the liberal left. Yo, Yo lithen to dribble, lithen to my drabble...

WUT?? If you understand what this kook is talking about more power to you. And you let this guy sell his crap to your kids?

Nancy Pelosi - Two Heart Beats Away

2008-09-04T10:16:00.004-05:00

In all of the excitement over Sarah Palin and the thought of her being a heartbeat away from the presidency, I think most of the country is in the dark over a little remembered secret. The leader of the "Do Nothing Congress", with the lowest approval rating in history, is only two heartbeats away from the presidency!!

Let's say George and Dick are in the basement making some pottery and there is an unfortunate kiln explosion. Who do you think would be leading our country?

Nancy Pelosi, the eighth richest member of the House and a screeching Liberal, is Speaker of the House and in third position to take over the White House. That means Pelosi would be in charge of the countries energy policy. Here are her thoughts on energy...

"I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels," she says. Natural gas "is cheap, abundant and clean compared to fossil fuels," she has also stated. Problem is Nancy Poo, natural gas IS a fossil fuel. Snort!

When House Speaker Pelosi took over the current Congress she promised the nation a 5 day work week for Congress. And it lasted until the very first week of the new session when Rep. Steny Hoyer announced that the House of Representatives would be taking a break because of a football game.

In February, the House of Representatives was in session for 9 days and three of those days the session lasted for 20 minutes.

As we now know Pelosi and her democratic posse have accomplished almost NOTHING during their reign in Congress. And to think, this could be the next president of the United States, but Sarah Palin just isn't up to par. Puuleeze.

Don Fowler - Mister Chucklehead

2008-09-02T19:49:00.009-05:00

Don Fowler, the ex-Charmain stiff of the Democratic National Committee from 1995-1997, opened his stale old mouth and these words crawled out. He was speaking about the deadly hurricane heading for the coast of the United States that had the potential of delaying the Republican Convention...

"The hurricane's going to hit New Orleans about the time they start. [Chuckle] The timing is - at least it appears now that it'll be there Monday. That just demonstrates that God's on our side. [Laughter] Everything's cool."

Well, well Mister Fowler, aren't you cool. Again, is God on the Democrats side? Funny thing, even with God, you're still a loser.

Andrea Mitchell - Working Class Women, Not So Educated

2008-09-02T13:32:00.002-05:00

Left wing, dingbat Andrea Mitchell, a so-called reporter with MSNBC had some interesting comments about women voters. Here is what she had to say about women voters voting for Sarah Palin...

"She is not appealing to the same women who were really voting or supporting Hillary Clinton on ideological issues but they think that they can peel off some of these working class women, not college educated, who, the blue collar women who were voting for Hillary Clinton and may be more conservative on social causes."

Okay women, if you weren't "really" supporting Hillary and the Dem's ideological issues you are just working class, uneducated, blue collar voters. Andrea believes blue collar women are not smart enough to support the democratic ideological issues and must therefore be conservative on social issues. Isn't she just a hoot!

Michael Moore - God is a Democrat

2008-09-01T22:38:00.006-05:00

Lame documentary producer Michael Moore opened his fat mouth and "moore" stupidity fell out. The much overweight Moore showed his delight to see a natural disaster possibly interfere with the Republican convention.

Moore was on "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" and gleefully stated, "I was just thinking, this Gustav is proof that there is a God in heaven."

Nice. For those in the path of the storm, Moore did hope you didn't get hurt. I guess the folks in the path of the storm need to be good soldiers and take one for the democratic team.