The San Antonio superfan had the image of the Spurs center preparing to launch a 3-pointer shaved into the back of his head, an act that while noble and  unique may land him in trouble with school officials because Gonzalez’s “Bonner Cut” has been deemed a distraction.  Officials for Judson I.S.D. have said on record that if Gonzalez comes to school on Thursday with his awesome haircut in tact he may be in line for an in-school suspension.

That haircut is distracting though…and by distracting I mean totally boss.  Look, it’s on the back of his head, so the only people that are going to see it are those lucky kids seated behind Gonzalez, and answer me this—when given the option of learning fractions or Shakespeare or something educational versus gazing longingly at a hair masterpiece of Spurs forward Matt Bonner, which option do you think most middle school kids would choose?

From Fox San Antonio…

Gonzalez (Patrick’s mother) says she came to the front office to ask permission. School leaders say she mentioned the haircut, but they never gave her the OK. “There was no permission that was given if the parent thought that then it was a miscommunication,” said Aubrey Chancellor, Judson I.S.D. District officials say the haircut is a distraction. “Whether it’s the spurs or whether it’s the cowboys anything people obviously support, it doesn’t matter.”

Give ‘em hell Aubrey Chancellor!  This blatant disregard for the rules regarding distracting haircuts that support professional teams currently in the playoffs must come to an end!  Or, and hear me out school officials at Judson I.S.D., maybe, just maybe you could let the kid’s haircut slide because the Spurs are rolling in the NBA playoffs and really, how offensive or distracting could a Matt Bonner haircut be?

About as offensive or distracting as Matt Bonner in real life, and that ain’t squat.

Who cares if they’re fake?  At $130 below face value they’re a steal!

If any person actually fell for these obviously fraudulent ducats, then I applaud you, for your stupidity knows no bounds.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch the Phoenix Coyotes play the LA Clippers in the Western Conference finals, thanks to this sweet deal I got on playoff tickets from a guy in a non-descript, windowless van.

[@Lock via Deadspin]

Well something is better than nothing, I guess.

From Tuesday’s Angels-A’s game comes this simplistic, yet hilarious, screenshot, whereby the Angels broadcast team offers some unique perspective to L.A.’s “Key to the Game,” which in this case is nothing more than something (Ed. note: may or may have not been written by Tim McCarver).

Hey, they ended up winning 4-0, so who are we to argue with success.

[Reddit]

Unfortunately it’s not the entire home run derby that will take place on the flight deck of the Yorktown on June 18th, but only the opening round, with the final round taking place before the league’s All-Star game the following day at Riley Park.  Still, I doubt a better, more patriotic venue the brain trust of the Class A South Atlantic League could not have come up with.

From The Post and Courier…

The home run derby will take place June 18 at 11 a.m. with the championship round being staged the following day beginning at 5:15 p.m. at Riley Park, where the All-Star Game will be played at 7 p.m.

The 10 home run derby competitors — five from the Northern Division and five from the Southern Division — will take their 10 swings on the flight deck. A total of four players will make the final round.

The RiverDogs have hired kayakers and personnel on jet skis to retrieve the balls hit into Charleston Harbor. The U.S. Coast Guard will assess and note the longest homers to determine the finalists and will radio the results to officials stationed on the Yorktown.

This isn’t the first time a sporting event has taken place on the deck of a Naval aircraft carrier, and here’s hoping it won’t be the last.

And just such a play happened earlier this month during a high school game between the Lick-Wilmerding Tigers and the University Red Devils.  It wasn’t a straight steal of home but more of a delayed steal after a pitch in the dirt, and the runner, Tigers 2nd baseman Drew Forrest, exhibited some questionable, albeit crafty baserunning to plate the winning run in the bottom of the 8th, but the ump’s call stood and the wild play will live on for eternity.

Enjoy it now because it may be decades before you see another walk-off steal of home, if ever…

Forrest’s sliding technique may lack for style points, but despite the protestations of the University players, it got the job done.

[H/T to TPS]

Pictured here is footballer Rogier Meijer moments after his De Graafschap team was relegated from the Eredivisie, the highest football league in the Netherlands, following a 1-1 draw with FC Den Bosch.  As you can tell the Dutch midfielder is absolutely devastated over what has transpired with his soccer club, and he sits on the pitch looking as forlorn as a person can be.

Enter Saar, his young daughter, clad in a custom De Graafschap jersey with her dad’s number and her name on the back.  The precocious little cutie rushes out to console her father in a scene that will melt even the most hardened of hearts.  Honestly, it’s so adorable that the normal adjectives for such a moment won’t do it justice…it can only be described as adoracute.

Here’s the clip…

Meijer was too downtrodden at the time to fully appreciate what little Saar was doing when she came out to offer her support, but when the Dutch soccer player looks back on that moment, he’ll realize that relegation or not, he’s one of the luckiest people in the world.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled snark and mockery.

[H/T to Off the Bench]

Who’s Chris Dvorak you ask?  He’s the rather athletic gentleman who has donned the costume of Jaxson de Ville, the Jags mascot, since 1996.  Did I mention Dvorak has a 2 handicap?  Yeah, there’s that too.

During Wednesday’s practice round Dvorak caddied for Jim Furyk on the back nine, and when their group reached the 17th, Dvorak was given a challenge by Andres Romero’s caddie that he couldn’t’ hit the island green dressed as Jaxson de Ville.  As the daredevil kids say these days, challenge accepted.

From Devil Ball Golf…

As the group approached the 17th hole, Dvorak was challenged by Andres Romero’s caddie, Adrian Monteros, to hit a shot to the island green in full-on costume. Taking a little less club, Dvorak stood over the ball and laced a perfect 8-iron onto the green, drawing a cheer from the crowd.

Here’s video of de Ville and his triumphant tee shot…

Sadly, Dvorak’s swing in that cumbersome mascot costume is still about a million times better than the best golf swing I’ve ever attempted in my life. I’m going to go flush my clubs down the toilet now.

What I want to know is, how’d they score such killer seats?

Spotted at the Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati during last week’s Reds/Nationals series were two heavyweights from the animal kingdom, a horse and a giraffe, casually chatting it up behind home plate.  This would be kind of cool if it weren’t so terrifying.

Animals taking in baseball games like regular people—isn’t this how George Orwell’s Animal Farm began?  If so the human race is doomed to sitting in inferior seats at sporting events.

[Buzzfeed]

That’s some stat line you got going on there Mr. Richards.

The Rangers opened the Eastern Conference finals with a 3-0 win over the New Jersey Devils, and while Henrik Lundqvist was the obvious hero for the Rangers by pitching a 21-save shutout, it was the grittiness and determination of center Brad Richards that really gave New York the boost it needed. Two sh*ts in one game is almost of unheard of in today’s NHL.

If the Rangers go on to win the Stanley Cup then Richards’ bowels deserve serious consideration for the Conn Smythe Trophy.

[via @TheBigLead]

With the most gloriously insane strikeout call in Little League history.

OK, that may be a bit of hyperbole, but this guy’s patented punch out is equal parts hilarity and hot-dogging.  Is it a tad over the top? Perhaps, but you have to admire the showmanship, because that’s what it’s all about when you’re calling out a 10-year-old kid on a called third strike…showmanship.

Ring him up, you umpiring fiend…

Sure he’s probably crushed thousands of kid’s spirits with his outrageous strikeout call, but I don’t care because he is absolutely outstanding.

[H/T to Reading Between the Seams]