If you’re gonna stereotype why be subtle about it? That’s the idea behind blaxploitation films and Black Dynamite is the best since I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. Set in the 70s and it uses Grindhouse-esque editing inconsistencies to further mimic films of the period.

When Black Dynamite’s brother is killed during a drug sting, he vows to clean up the streets one ass whoopin’ at a time. But the real dope on the street is Anaconda, “the only malt liquor to be approved by the United States Government.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this government approved malt liquor is yet another insidious scheme by whitey to keep the black man down, however the deductive reasoning Black Dynamite’s crew uses to uncover operation “Code Kansas” would put Sherlock Holmes to shame. While brainstorming about over waffles that melt in your mouth, they realize M&M’s also melt in your mouth. And who makes M&M’s? Mars, the Roman equivalent of the Greek god Ares, which eventually leads Black Dynamite to ask “And as we all know zodiacal astronomy was created by the Greeks in?” In unison they all yell “785 B.C.” The area code of Topeka, Kansas! (Who says inner city schools ain’t no good?)

It’s all the funnier because most of the time they’re spouting cliches and repeating themselves like broken records. When one of Black Dynamite’s bitches asks him what he’s going to do about the drug dealers, he tells her “I’m gonna fight the only way I know how. Ever since I was a boy all I knew was how to fight. Fight, fight, fight. And when I got tired, I would fight some more.” And later while recounting his time in Vietnam, Black Dynamite grieves over a Chinese child who got his little “little Chinese” legs blown off and was charred down to his “little Chinese” knees. He looked up at him with his “little Chinese” eyes and said something in “Chinese.” But he didn’t have to speak “Chinese” to know what that boy was saying… “Why Black Dynamite? Why?” Michael Jai White deserves an Oscar if for no other reason than his ability to deliver such cheesy lines with a straight face. The outtakes alone would make the DVD worth buying.

Black Dynamite makes Shaft look like Urkel.

This pimp/CIA agent has an actual “license to kill” and he not just coming for the bad guys (can you dig it?). Black Dynamite goes through bitches like bullets but that changes when he meets a very righteous community activist named Gloria (Salli Richardson-Whitfield). Although Whitfield’s sex scene is animated that somehow makes it all the raunchier. And just to keep the exploitation aspect authentic, there are topless appearances by real-life porn stars: Charmane Star, Charlotte Stokely, Justine Jolie, Erika Vution, and Stacey Adams (see semi-SFW trailer right).

But the real money shot is the final showdown at the Honky House (White House). It feels like an episode of MADtv, complete with Nicole Sullivan as First Lady Patricia Nixon. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s like you’re suddenly watching a different movie, especially when Black Dynamite gets some impromptu backup courtesy of Abraham Lincoln’s ghost fu!

Happy Days gave us “jumping the shark.” Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull gave us “nuking the fridge.” Now Black Dynamite gives us “spooking the president.”

Jokes aren't the only thing getting cracked.

Supernatural always has a fair amount of humor to it but last night’s episode “Changing Channels” was non-stop laughs. While attempting to enlist the help of a trickster demon, Sam & Dean Winchester get trapped inside the TV. To survive they must play their assigned “roles” in a sitcom version of Supernatural, a hospital soap opera, a Japanese game show, a cop show, and a parody of Knight Rider… WITH DEAN’S ‘67 IMPALA AS KITT!

You don’t need to be a regular watcher to enjoy the jokes as they’re more about the shows they’re knocking. Check out this Full House inspired Supernatural theme.

The apocalyptic movie 2012 isn’t even out yet but Director Roland Emmerich is already working on a sequel for the small screen.

“It is about the resettling of Earth. That is very, very fascinating. (2012 writer/producer) Harald Kloser and I came up with the idea and we have the luxury of having a producer on the film who is a big TV producer, Mark Gordon. We said to Mark, ‘Why don’t you do a TV show that picks up where the movie leaves off and call it 2013? I think it will focus on a group of people who survived but not on the boats … maybe they were on a piece of land that was spared or one that became an island in the process of the crust moving.” explains Emmerich.

Sounds like the short lived series Earth 2 except without the aliens. So what scary things will 2012 survivors encounter?

Muslims!

That “piece of land that was spared” is apparently Mecca because while the movie abounds  with the destruction of  both secular structures such as the White House & Eiffel Tower and nonsecular ones like the Sistine Chapel & a Tibetan temple, you won’t see any Muslim holy places destroyed. When Emmerich even suggested it, co-writer Harald Kloser quickly shot down the idea saying “I do not want to have a fatwa on my head because of a movie!”

Spoiler Alert! Heroes‘ Nathan Petrelli’s days are numbered. Shocking considering he died LAST SEASON and has appeared only occasionally as a fading multiple personality of the shapeshifting Sylar.

Everyone knew it was only a matter of time before Sylar regained control of his body. Well everyone but Adrian Pasdar, who apparently discovered he had been fired while reading a script! A source confirmed “I know Adrian is getting killed off and was pissed about it because they didn’t tell him.”

Just in time for Halloween there’s a brand new L7 World webcomic: American Dad – Halloween Special. At least I hope it’ll be done in time. What started as a 3 panel short on Klaus has turned into 10 spooktacular (yeah I said it) panels. Now I “just” have to scan them, do the line art, and color them (flash). So don’t expect any updates till that’s done.

Oh and just to tease your imaginations, everyone will be dressed up for a costume party!

UPDATE:

Wow this took forever, but it’s finally done! And I gotta say it was totally worth it. Hell, I get a kick out of reading it and I wrote the damn thing. I’ve already thought of another storyline for American Dad, but that won’t be for a while (if at all). And now that I’ve done an American Dad & Family Guy webcomic, I almost feel obligated to do one for The Cleveland Show.

Anyways (belated) Happy Halloween!

Do these genes make me look fat?

Women are getting shorter and fatter (and not just American women).

Contrary to popular opinion, humans are still evolving says Professor Stephen Stearns, an evolutionary biologist at Yale University. Stearns headed a 60-year study of more than 2,000 women and found that shorter, fatter women who reproduce younger and enter menopause later have more children and pass on those traits. He predicts that by 2409 the average woman will be about an inch shorter, 2 pounds heavier, have her first child 5 months earlier, and enter menopause 10 months later.

However it’s not so much survival of the fattest as it is survival of the most fertile. “You have to realise what we are comparing them to. It’s not as though we’re talking about women who might in any sense be obese. All we’re talking about is the fact that a woman will not ovulate and menstruate unless she has about 20 per cent body fat so that she will have enough fat reserves so that she can nourish her children with enough milk,” explains Stearns.

Bros. before hoes.

It seems Mario has become so frustrated with constantly having to save her royal highness that he’s decided to cheat with Luigi!

New Super Mario Bros. Wii promises to be one of the most difficult games yet according to Designer Shigeru Miyamoto. But Miyamoto doesn’t want to alienate casual gamers so he’s created an innovative help mode called “Super Guide” that lets players cheat by having a computer controlled-Luigi beat the game for you. This feature appears automatically when the player dies 8 times during a level. The computer isn’t perfect though. When Kotaku previewed a pre-release version of the game “Super Guide Luigi died halfway through the level.” And don’t expect the computer to unlock all the secrets or collect all the coins for you. Think of it as an autopilot that just gets you from point A to point B. At any point the player can retake control.

If only this had been around back when Dragon’s Lair & Space Ace came out. Oh the quarters I would’ve saved!

This November the caped crusader trades in his utility belt for a gun belt in Batman/Doc Savage Special, a prologue to a 6-issue “pulp-influenced” miniseries by Brian Azzarello.

This won’t be the first time Batman has packed heat but that was before his mythos was fully established so it’ll be interesting to see how Azzarello squares a gun toting hero with the gunning down of his own parents.

And Batman’s gun won’t be the only thing cocked. In a 5-page preview available in… well,  just about every comic out this week, a very roguish-looking Batman is seen SMILING! (at a girl even)

Better late than never.

After half a dozen Saw movies, torture porn finally gets interactive with Saw: The Videogame. And there’s no need to worry about any possible spoilers though as it takes place during the very first movie and both of the game’s 2 endings are non-canonical.

“Want to play a game?”

Too bad, you don’t have a choice. The serial killer known as Jigsaw has kidnapped you (Detective Tapp) and intends to teach you the futility of trying to stop him. You awaken in the infamous bathroom, complete with a sawed off foot in the bathtub, and find you’re head trapped inside the jawbreaker helmet. Unfortunately, unlike the characters in the movies you won’t be making any moralistic choices such as hurting yourself or others in order to facilitate your escape, instead you’ll solve the same handful of repetitive puzzles ad nauseum, such as lining up pipes, circuits, and gears. With 6 movies worth of source material you’d think they could come up with better traps & puzzles.

The one exception is Amanda, who you find strapped to chair being injected with poison. To free Amanda you must strap yourself down next to her and alternate the poison & antidote between the two of you. Although your life is never in jeopardy when freeing the remaining 6 prisoners, it’s still game over if fail to save any of them, which makes absolutely no sense since none of them help you in anyway and they all quickly wonder off to get killed.

The atmosphere is truly terrifying, and not just because you’ve got the whole dark abandoned building thing going on. Traps are hiding behind every corner and he only way to spot them is either by creeping along or experience them firsthand (read: getting your head blown off). To make it even more difficult you can only carry one lighting device at a time, either a lighter that illuminates the entire room but is dim and goes out periodically, a flashlight that makes seeing where you’re going easy but has a narrow focus, or a camera that flashes for only a instant and gives you a distorted view (yeah whatever you do, don’t pick up the camera).

Traps aren’t your only concern though. Jigsaw has pit the other prisoners against you by surgically implanting a key inside of you. You can slug it out with them or get creative and make your own traps, but you’re limited to defensive traps like tripwires. After all, there’s only one Jigsaw.

Despite the game’s repetitiveness, it’s still a must have for fans of the series as you’ll get more insight into Jigsaw’s mind by reading psychological interviews scattered throughout the building. And while there’s only about 10 hours worth of scares, flashback allows you to replay any of 7 levels, even better you can continue from any of your last five checkpoints just in case you missed something helpful.

A new CNN poll shows 56% of Americans disapprove of the Norwegian Nobel Committee’s decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama.

Committee chairman, Thorbjorn Jagland, defends the decision saying “He got the prize for what he has done,” which at the time of Obama’s unanimous nomination (Feb 1) was diddly. But while the world may not be safer, it is “less tense” according to Jagland.

Righttt…

Exactly which part of the world is less tense: Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Korea, Pakistan, Darfur? Maybe the committee is just less anxious about America’s kinder, gentler commander-in-chief.