UGH… nothing like having a geriatric dog. I have a couple of them. And some days they just can’t control themselves. Usually though it’s my bigger dog and as many know, bigger dogs make bigger messes. It was all over the floor by the front door and it was gross. I just love picking that stuff up and mopping at 5 in the morning. Thanks, dog…

I don’t have a bottomless pit of money. And exercise shoes are expensive – many over $100 a pair. I didn’t want to spend that. Besides I had already plunked down that much for the Shape Ups. So, I narrowed it down to a few kinds of shoes and took off for the shoe store armed with several key words to look for in the description of the shoes. I tried on about 6 different pair and narrowed it down to 2 brands – Nike and New Balance. I tried each pair on 3 times! I even had one brand on one foot while I had to there a different brand on the other. They both felt the same. I honestly could not choose. So when in doubt with shoes, I go for the cutest. The New Balance were NOT cute. At least the Nike had some pink in them. So I ventured home with my $50 shoes and yesterday was my first day trying them out. Did my feet lean out? NO. But I was already gun shy and already injured from the previous day. The cramps returned but I grit through them anyway and finished my 2 miles. Luckily the cramps subsided by the last 2 laps but the frustration had already set in. I had spent the past month walking super fast with little to no pain. I was happy with my progress and yet, here I am getting lapped by the geriatrics that also cruise the mall in the wee hours of the morning.

This morning, I thought I would take a little bit of extra time stretching and at my sister’s urging I took a Naproxen. Same deal. About 2.5 laps my sister took off in a quick walk and soon was out of my site. It was a struggle to keep going. My legs felt like lead and the thoughts in my mind kept telling me to just throw in the towel. I must have told those thoughts to stick it because I kept going and by the time I ran up the stairs after my 4th lap to complete the last two, I had had enough. I took off running again and managed to catch up with my sister who was a good lap and half ahead of me. Running, yet again, took the cramps away but I felt like my lungs would burst. What is the deal?!

So, do I keep on with these new shoes or go back to the Shape Ups? I am not sure. I think I may try out the Shape Ups again tomorrow. If I have to have pain in my leg I would rather it be in my right leg which was the reason for the shoe switch in the first place. Since I changed shoes, my right leg is totally fine. Figures. Pain in my left is debilitating. So frustrating…but I won’t give up.

On a side note… I weighed myself this morning and was pleased to see it was .6 lb lower. YAY! So, I downed half of bottle of water and jumped in the shower. While I was in there I thought maybe I should weigh myself again when I get out but this time use my personal setting on the scale so I could record the loss (I didn’t use it as I was just checking for curiosity’s sake before). So I got out, dried off, pulled up my profile on the scale and stepped on. In the 10 minutes since I last weighed myself, I was back up .8lb! WTH!?!! So did drinking 8oz of water really make that happen? I wanted to take that scale and smash it to pieces after that.

Aaron Kelly sings “Here Comes Goodbye” by Rascal Flatts - I am not sure it is wise to do a ballad the first time out on stage in front of 30+ million people. Unless you can really knock it out of the park, I wouldn’t do it. Ellen eluded to it sounding completely different vs watching it at home and I couldn’t agree more. Half the time I wonder what the heck the judges are hearing when they compliment a person and all I can think about is how much the performance sucked. Aaron’s performance didn’t suck. But it wasn’t great either. Just based on body language it did look like he was pretty nervous and I can sympathize. I couldn’t do what those guys are doing. However, if you want to be a star, you should be able to handle the pressure. Sure a few of them are a little green but well, they were picked over how many people? It was OK. The performance won’t win him any prizes – yet – but it will be enough to keep him around a little longer because there was definitely worse suckage coming from other people tonight.

Alex Lambert sings “Wonderful World” – Since I don’t recall much of any of his auditions it was great to hear Alex sing. What an interesting voice. BUT… yuck on the stage presence! I wasn’t that impressed… but it’s early…he could redeem himself. I didn’t get the song. I don’t recognize it at all and so it was pretty dull for me.

Andrew Garcia sings “Sugar We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy – Like Simon, this was the performance of the night that I was looking forward to the most. I am showing my age because I don’t know Fall Out Boy’s music. So I didn’t think the rendition of the song was as bad as what the judges made it out to be. I didn’t think the song itself was spectacular but I thought how he performed it was good. He’ll be fine and I believe he’ll make the top 10 but, he’ll have to do something that is more widely known otherwise he could risk getting lost in the mediocrity of it all.

Casey James sings “Heaven” by Bryan Adams – I thought this was the best performance of the night and it could have very nearly been a disaster not of his doing if it weren’t for the 3 stooges sitting at the judges table. Kara inappropriately had Casey strip at his audition (although, I will say that it was pretty desperate for him to do so…I’ll forgive him because he’s cute) and she fawned over him almost like a dog in heat during Hollywood week and then tonight she was making goo-goo eyes at him while he sang. It was shameless. And it was all he could do to not burst out laughing. I think if it hadn’t been so ridiculous it could have been really insulting. He had every right to stop the song and tell them to knock it off. It totally put it at a disadvantage for him. BUT… he pulled it out. He managed to recover before it became a total mess and he sounded really great. It was the perfect song for him to sing and he looked great too.. the whole package..

Jermaine Sellers sings “Get Here” by Oleta Adams – Blech. This was just really bad. The song choice was sucky to begin with…of all Top 40 songs on the planet earth to sing and he chose this one? ARUGH! And then he made it suck worse than the original. It was screechy and painful to listen to. What is he doing in the top 24?

Joe Munoz sings “You and I Both” by Jason Mraz – NOT the Jason Mraz song I thought he’d sing… although, I only know ONE song from Jason Mraz..seriously, didn’t know the guy had more than one song… but whatever. This was the first time I heard Joe. He has a voice… but it wasn’t good during this song. And I don’t think he’s done enough to save himself this week let alone make the top 6 guys. I really think he’s done for this week or next.

John Park sings “God Bless The Child” – John has a rich baritone-ish voice which is not how I imagined him sounding. And he wasted it on this song…this crappy song. Mikaela Gordan sang this song several seasons ago…she was terrible and now look at her….in 3 years he’ll have his eyebrows raised and get a boobjob if he’s not careful. Pick a better song!!!!

Lee Dewyze sings “Chasing Cars” by SnowPatrol – Randy was totally wrong in his assessment. This was totally the RIGHT song for Lee to sing and he did well for most of it. I think the hook part of the song was a little off but over all, this performance and the sound of his voice makes him stand out. I am not sure he could win this as only time will tell if he can get stronger. But he’s good. Top 10 for sure.

Michael Lynche sings “This Love” by Maroon 5 - This was really not a bad performance. I agree with the judges in that he’ll make it through because he is likable and not your typical looking singer. I am a little put off by his build though…he looks rather strange standing up there holding a guitar and do his little jig. It’s just awkward. But if you close your eyes, you’ll hear that his voice is strong and there is definitely possibilities there.

Tim Urban sings Apologize by One Republic – A big deal was made over how Tim was brought in last minute to fill the slot that was once held by the disqualified and shamefully ignorant Chris Golightly. I am glad he was brought back. BUT…the song was too big for him. It wasn’t a good performance at all and he could have very well blew his chance. If not this week, he will probably not make it in the next 2 unless he can get the girls to vote for him. He is cute…but so far, he’s not strong enough vocally to carry a solo act.

Todrick Hall sings “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson – Those judges are so fickle. They moan and complain about making a song your own and when someone actually tries to do it, they give him grief. Granted, it was a crappy re-mix of a rock song but still… at least give him credit for trying to mix it up. Yeah, this wasn’t too good. This was a huge hit for the original Idol, Kelly Clarkson and he butchered it. That may not go over too well with Idol purists and he could be in trouble.

Tyler Grady sings “American Woman” – The winner for the creepy Idol award goes to Tyler. He really weirds me out. I can’t look at him and when I am not looking at him, I am having to listen to him and when I do that my ears…OH may ears… I think they bleed! His schtick is getting OLD. FAST. I am not sure he’s capable of singing anything other than 70s rock and to some people that is a real turn off. He doesn’t have a really strong voice to begin with and he’s relying too heavily on his swagger (which is gross, btw) to get him through. Yeah.. I didn’t like this at all.

Going home this week??? Well.. let’s see… I’ll just cut to the chase because it doesn’t matter who goes home this week because whoever doesn’t go this week, will go next week and the week after. What matters is the Top 10 and my predictions are….

Boys: Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia, Casey James, Michael Lynche,  Lee Dewyze and John Park (it’s actually a toss up between John, Todrick and icky Tyler for the last spot)

Girls: Crystal Bowersox, Katelyn Epperly, Katie Stevens, Michelle Delamor, Page Miles and a toss up between Siobhan Magnus, Lacey Brown and Didi Benami.

Who will persevere? I think we can count on Andrew, Casey, Lee, Cyrstal, and Katie to round out the top 5. Of course things can change as the weeks go on but as what I’ve seen right now, these are the top 5 to beat.

Ashley Rodriguez sings “Happy” by Leona Lewis – This performance didn’t make me happy. I found the song dull. I can’t compare it to the original because I have never heard it. So based on how Ashley sang it, I would say it sucked. It wasn’t good at all. I just didn’t like it. Maybe it was the song. She’ll probably be back next week because there were others that sucked more.

Crystal Bowersox sings “Hand in My Pocket” by Alanis Morissette – Randy said this wouldn’t be a song he’d pick for her. Really, dawg? This is exactly the type of song that I would expect someone like her to sing. I wasn’t surprised by it at all. I think she sang it quite well. I was impressed that she could not only play the guitar and sing but also blow on the harmonica and then recover so quickly to go back to singing  in the same breath. No it wasn’t a knock your socks off kind of performance but it was enough that she should be back next week. I’d call her a diamond in the rough because her talent is raw. But can she change up a song and make it her own? I would say that she has the musical ability to do that. Some of the others just seem to skate on the sound of their voice. The difference between her and them is that she can sing but she’s got musical ability that extends beyond her voice.

Didi Benami sings “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson –  I thought Didi did fine….for the type of song she sang. The problem that I have with someone like her how has a voice like that is that the warbly folksy stuff is going to get old. And it doesn’t scream out star…I don’t see her name in big lights and selling out stadiums. It’s just not going to happen… on a stage at Woodstock or in a coffee house? Yeah, probably. Yawn.

Haeley Vaughn sings “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles – I gotta say that when Ryan announced she’d be singing this song, I was worried. I thought what a stupid song to sing. I mean..why not Hey Jude or some other Beatles song? But… I was surprised by how she arranged it. I know the judges said it sucked balls but aside from her lisp which she totally has to do something about, I didn’t think it was as horrible as they said it was.

Janell Wheeler sings “What About Love” by Heart – I will hand it to Janell…she knew that it would take a big song to make her stand out. The problem is that she doesn’t have the vocal range to pull off a song by Heart. This was a mess and truly awful.

Katelyn Epperly sings “Oh Darlin” from 1969 – I wasn’t impressed by Katelyn based on past performances so I wasn’t expecting much. While I tend to agree that her costuming was a little weird, I thought her performance of the song was lovely. She was leaps and bounds over some of the other girls performance wise so she will probably be back around next week.

Katie Stevens sings “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble – So, it’s no secret that Idol really likes this girl. She is kinda like a female David Archuleta…super young, cute and with a voice that quite unbelievable. But, this song stunk. It wasn’t a great one to end the show. The judges said that it wasn’t relevant to her and was too old. I agree. This was really a snoozer.

Lacey Brown sings “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac – Before Lacey began to sing I told my Mom that I really liked her. The words were barely out of my mouth and hovering over my head when I started to regret saying that. Yeesh. This rendition was warbly and yeah, well…the song is slow to begin with so you really couldn’t make it more exciting. So this was the wrong song to sing. Period. And her voice sounds like it’s under water. It wasn’t good.

Lilly Scott sings Fixing a Hole by the Beatles – This girl is 20 years old and looks 50. I know the hair color is deliberate and someone has to jump on that girl and wrestle the peroxide away from her. The look is bad… really bad. The style isn’t good either. It’s not doing her any favors. There is a way to stand out without looking like a grandma. The singing wasn’t all that great either. I honestly can’t even recall what it sounded like other than remembering that I was glad it was over when she finished.

Michelle Delamor sings “Fallin” by Alicia Keys – The vocal chops are there. She can sing. But the song stunk. I didn’t like it one bit. She just needs to pick better songs. If she sticks around…

Paige Miles sings “It’s All Right Now” by Free – Poor girl had the misfortune of being denied adequate airtime so we had no idea who she was before tonight. And then she gets stuck with the crappiest position on opening night – singing the first of 12. The likelihood of people remembering her by the end of the show is pretty small. So 2 strikes against her already. Then she sings a group song solo. Ugh. The thing is that during the song we got a brief glimpse of who she is and got to hear something that resembled a voice and what I heard I liked very much. The problem is I am not sure she’ll be around next week to redeem herself in the song choice department so we can really hear what she can do. She did herself absolutely no favors tonight picking that song. I, for one, hope she gets another chance.

Siobhan Magnus sings “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaac – I had said that this girl weirds me out before…she is just kinda strange. But maybe she’ll grow on me. Tonight’s song was unexpected. So, that is GOOD. And she sang it pretty OK! And that is good! Over all, I didn’t think it was horrible one bit. I actually enjoyed it despite it being a really slow painful song to sometimes listen to. BUT… I actually like the song and to hear a girl sing it was refreshing. I actually think she deserves to stick around longer to see what else she can do.

I was up last night watching the Olympics. Apollo was racing and that is always fun to watch. He likes to hang back in last place when he races and then in the last couple of laps he’ll make his move. I was particularly stressed out last night watching him race. My stomach was in knots and frankly, I just don’t trust those Koreans. Those shady guys skate dirty. I don’t know what it is…something about ‘em gets under my skin. Don’t worry.. I am not usually this way but when the Olympics come around everyone is a commie when they compete against our athletes. I know. Weird. But here I was waiting for the final to start – totally freaked out. Apollo was up against 2 Koreans and 2 Canadians. I couldn’t take it! I reached for my cellphone and looked up the results of the race (since it’s tape delayed here). Apollo nearly lost but ended up pulling it out at the last minute to take bronze. Whew. I can sleep now. And no need to watch the race. It wasn’t a healthy place to be.

So my night didn’t start off too restful. But I was at least grateful that the butterflies in my stomach went to sleep and for the most part I slept ok until my eyes flew open at 4:50. The mind wandered. For some reason, I was taken back 17 years ago to the night when a co-worker and I went to the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco and sat outside one of the ballrooms during a benefit gathering waiting for a moment when I could meet Kevin Costner. I know! But that’s what I did then…I was befuddled by fame. He had just made Dances with Wolves a year or two prior. I had graduated high school with this delusion that maybe I could make movies, too. I was just about to start at San Francisco State as a film major and it was the eve of my Chicken Pox outbreak (unbeknownst to me but it later explained why I behaved the way I did when my moment with Kevin came around). I had heard that there was going to be a big benefit banquet – I can’t remember what it was benefitting but lots of stars would be there, including my hero of the moment, Kevin Costner. I asked a co-worker of mine to accompany me and off we went. I remember trying to dress somewhat nice. I didn’t want to appear as just any ol’ fan. I brought no pen and paper for autographs and for that matter I can’t recall if I even brought a camera. I just wanted to meet him. We stood outside the ballroom for several hours talking with security and a few of the people who came seeking autographs. There really weren’t that many of us there considering the star power that was in that room. I figured my chances were pretty good. Every once in a while the security guy would go in and then report back to us what was going on – Kevin was drinking. A LOT. That is, at least, what he told us.

Time was crawling. I was getting very tired sitting there. My feet hurt and so did my head. I figured it was fatigue but I honestly started to feel quite strange – almost feverish, a bit heavy and certainly tired. But then the doors flew open and out walked many celebrities – Danny Glover… George Lucas… and Kevin Costner. Kevin was, at the time filming The Bodyguard. He had that stupid hair cut. His tux was a bit ruffled up and his eyes were a little red and glassy. But I made my move. I made my way up next to him and with my hand outstretched, I addressed him as “Mr. Costner”. Another guy pushed forward thrusting a Sharpie pen towards Kevin. Kevin walked faster turned and looked at me and told me he wasn’t going to give any autographs and with a wave of his hand he pretty much brushed me off. I stood there for a moment stunned. I was empty handed and instantly insulted that he would insinuate that I wanted anything more from him than a handshake. As he stood there waiting for the elevator, it fell out of my face…at the top of my lungs I cried, “FINE! BE THAT WAY! I DIDN’T WANT YOUR STINKIN’ AUTOGRAPH ANYWAY!” He looked up at me and I admit, I saw a tinge of fear in his eyes as if it were saying, “Oh, crap! What is she going to do next?” My friend who had been sitting in the seats by the elevator was startled by the noise, looked up to see Kevin Costner in front of her and following his gaze towards me, her jaw dropped when she discovered that outburst had come from me. If you know me, you know that I can glare and I was glaring at Kevin Costner who hours ago was my film making hero and now was this drunken idiot who didn’t have the time, fortitude or humility to greet a lowly peasant like me. Robin Hood, he was not. If it hadn’t been for the fact that the elevator arrived and he rushed right on to it, I would have not only told him to P*ss Off but that also he sucked and his future movies would too! His career kinda tanked after that night. Coincidence? I think not.

The next evening, what I thought was scorching case of acne ended up being a scorching case of Chicken Pox. I was massively ill. I almost missed my first day of school at SF State. The school wouldn’t let me miss it. I had to go despite my outbreak. I should have seen it as a sign that my time there wouldn’t be fruitful. When I finally recovered and returned to work (at the Disney Store), my Kevin Costner encounter had grown to legendary proportions. My co-worker had told everyone what I had done and I was greeted with laughter and surprise that a quiet girl like me told off one of the biggest stars of that time. If I had thought of it, I should have trademarked the phrase, “Fine! Be that way!” because that is what I heard a lot from my friends at the Disney Store back then. Good times.

So, yeah…my morning started with this. And I don’t know why. I contemplated my other “brushes with greatness”. I have met many celebrities come to think of it. When I was a teenager it was pretty limited to soap opera stars which I must admit, I still wouldn’t mind meeting a few of those even now. But they were pretty accessible. It wasn’t too hard to meet them. As time went on, I eventually moved to Nashville. Country music singers are pretty accessible too. I had for a time a job on Music Row. I saw someone nearly every day. JoDee Messina? She laughs really loud. Her voice carries big time. Donna Summer? She invented the word Diva. David Lee Murphy? Down to earth and REAL. I liked him lots. It could be because he once came into my office and asked to sleep on my couch. I’ll never forget the frantic emails I sent to my friends back home that day. “OH. MY. GOSH! David Lee is sleeping in my office RIGHT NOW.” Clint Black? Ugh. He’s the reason why I left that job. I am not sure you could call it much of a job, to be honest. My task one day was to hunt down a pizza for Clint and get it to the RCA Building at a certain time. It was not just any ordinary pizza. It had to be a particular pizza with particular ingredients. It was a pain. But hey, it was Clint Black. I was so there. I got the pizza and made my way over to RCA. I stood there waiting in the hall like a dork holding this stupid pizza when my boss finally emerged from the conference room and much like how Kevin Costner had dismissed me a few years prior, she shrugged and told me that they decided to just order Pizza Hut. Seriously? Clint Black, you suck! His career after that? Not that great. Coincidence? I think not. I almost hit him with my car once after that… that was fate just playing with me though. Still…the guy shouldn’t jay walk…I’m just sayin’…

Is this the longest post in history? If you’re still here, then let’s move on…you are reaping the rewards of my overworking brain. So I contemplated further… who else have I met? I had many opportunities while I was in Nashville. I got to be there on the field celebrating the Titans big year in 1998-99. I remember meeting Jeff Fisher and thinking how he was going to lead them to the Super Bowl that year. I neglected to tell him that they wouldn’t win, though. Oops. Good game, however! I met Garth Brooks once…. it took about 14 hours of waiting in line in 90+ degree heat and 1000% humidity. But he was sticking it out and I figured I could too. That was unbelievable. I couldn’t believe that (1) he would endure 24 hours non-stop autographing and picture taking and (2) he’d do it in such heat. But he did. It was a marathon meet and greet that I am sure made Fan Fair history. I realized it then. And there was no way I was going to give up my spot in line. And it was worth it. Mike and I finally got face to face with this legend and he had already been standing there 14 hours. And he greeted us with a huge smile, hugs and interest in who we were and where were from. Garth “retired” not too many years after that. I am fortunate that I got to see him perform live before he left. But because he’s who he is and how he treats others, I think people would pay to just watch him breathe, let alone sing. Kevin Costner could learn a thing or two from him.

Moving on…Nowadays, we have things like Twitter that can bring us closer to celebrities. In fact, we can not only get frequent updates from celebrities, we can also say things to them and some will actually respond. It’s a phenomenon really. I never imagined 20 years ago that you could have such access to these people. Yet daily my desktop is baraged with Tweets from these people. I had to block @Scott Baio because he tweets way too much! And he always tweets stupid pictures. And he gets into fights with people online who get mad at him for making fun of Michelle Obama. Hey, I am right there with ya, Chachi if you want to take on liberals but even I get tired of  your constant Tweeting. @Kelsey Grammar tweets a lot too. Constantly. You always know that he is playing catch up because when he tweets he will do it 30-40 at a time. Nice guy but I sense a future Tweet Block on him, too.

The latest Twitter-gate scandal is coming from director @Kevin Smith. He was recently kicked off a Southwest flight for what he claims as being “too fat”. I don’t follow his tweets but I have been following this story. As a frequent flier of SWA and wife to a former employee of SWA, I have heard about and seen enough customer angst to know that there is more to this story than Kevin Smith is owning up to. He is irreverent, rude and just not a nice guy. And I can base this opinion solely on what he says. I don’t need to meet him to know that he could be a (insert your own four letter word here). But picture with me for a moment sitting on a plane that is totally full. You are eager to go. Time is running late. The pilot needs to push back from the gate. But then you have a guy who decides that he doesn’t want to fly on his originally booked flight. He wants to fly on this one. The airline accommodates his request and puts him in their last open seat. There is an eagerness to get him seated. It’s not happening in a timely manner. The flight crew has to make a judgement call. It is, after all, their job to get the plane turned around quickly and get people to their destination safely and on time. But there is this one guy holding things up. We weren’t there. We don’t know what was said. But if he can be this vocal now how vocal was he on that plane? When we fly we entrust a small group of people to board us on to essentially 20 tons of metal and jet fuel, fly us 35,000 feet up into the air and land us 100s or 1000s of miles away not only on time but with us still breathing and our luggage still in tact, if even on the same plane. Our lives are in their hands. We pay them money, yes. But it is a privilege to fly – not a right. So if you are going to take your own sweet time boarding a flight or if you’re going to change your plans last minute and you’re not going to care that you are inconveniencing 136 other people who just want to get to where they’re going, don’t be too freaking surprised when you get booted off the plane. I don’t care how famous you are or how much your crappy movies suck. He probably deserved it.

So, there you have it…the rantings of a brain out of control and what woke up me up out of a sound sleep at 4:50 in the morning. Thank you Kevin Costner, Clint Black and Kevin Smith.

I kinda wish I had been meticulous with the record keeping since the beginning. I declared my diet on January 5th but didn’t really start in earnest until at least 10-14 days later when I started my daily exercise. The competitor in me is wanting to try to pass my sister up…but she’s at an advantage. She was at least 15 pounds lighter than me to start with. Don’t get me wrong, I want her to succeed because it will keep her motivated and in turn, that will keep me motivated. Maybe competing is a good thing? Regardless, I shouldn’t poo-poo (I love to use that term) my progress. I am about 18 pounds lighter than when I started a little over a month ago. That’s nothing to sneeze at. I should be happy about that. But then again, patience is NOT one of my virtues. It’s not one of my sister’s either. She and I bemoaned the fact that it’s taking a long time. It’s not really. If you think about it, it’s not like we spend our day working out like they do on the Biggest Loser. If what I am reading is correct, then my reduced caloric intake alone should help me drop the weight. But then I get that visual of me being a balloon again and with a butt as wide as Texas. Not gonna go there. It’s bad enough that it’s as wide as Kansas as it is!

So, here I am… the weight is shifting. My pants still are the same size  yet I can find my feet again. TRIUMPH! I do have motivating factors now. I have a party to prepare for this summer and next Spring a wedding to participate in. My dad says he can see a difference. That’s good. But he’s dad. Let’s just say that when I finally get to stand face to face with Mike again, I want him to say “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” I would love that.

Have I mentioned lately (I am going to blather on, folks….it’s Saturday night and I am desperately B.O.R.E.D.), that I have been experiencing leg cramps while I walk? I am not sure why that is. It’s been a month and you’d think I was used to it by now. But to be honest, here I am more sore now than I was 3 weeks ago. I thought maybe it’s because I am not stretching before I walk. So I made sure today to stretch out my legs – in particular, the calf muscles and then like a fool, started jumping up and down. Hey, I see football players do it…figured I’d give it a try. I thought maybe it worked but again, my right leg stiffened right up about mid-way through my walk. It’s quite painful. I am wondering if perhaps I am walking differently now and my shoes could be causing me issues. I love new shoes…but they cost moola of which I shouldn’t spend on just anything. I do have future trips to Disneyland to think of, you know. So, anyway…the legs hurt now. I run the stairs anyway and work out the kinks and when I really need the motivation, I try to picture Mike standing there in front of me. And before I know it, I am walking taller and faster. Whatever works, ya know?

This year brings another “the most talented group of kids we’ve ever seen” or so the judges tell us. Um, really? I’m not so sure. I agree for the most part with who they put in despite the limited view we had of most of them. It is true that they seem to give more airtime to certain performers. It’s pretty annoying. There are at least 2 that are in the Top 24 that I have absolutely NO recollection having heard sing. However, I’ll run down them individually. Please keep in mind that these opinions are based on the limited viewing of these guys – some I don’t recall AT ALL so I can’t really forge too much of an opinion. But for now, here they are…

Aaron Kelly – Reportedly this kid won at Walt Disney World’s American Idol Experience. I got to see this (not his particular performance but I attended this attraction) and it was really fun. It does a good job of making you feel like you are part of a live AI crowd. So good for him for trying it out and succeeding. I wasn’t sure if someone would actually win there and actually make it to the front of the line to not only audition for the judges and get very far. He did. So cool. However, I’m not that impressed. Yeah. He’s young. Inexperienced (I think..who really knows these days) and he could probably be the next big Disney “thing” but any more than that? Not feeling it.

Alex Lambert – I don’t remember him. Well, I sorta do. But what I remember is that things were all messed up for him on Group Day and he got yelled at by that obnoxious chick. I *think* he’s gotten more air time than that but I honestly don’t remember him. He doesn’t stick out.

Andrew Garcia – This guy is cool. He has genuine talent with singing and making songs his own. I love his rendition of Paula Abdul’s Straight Up. It was way beyond words better than hers ever could be. It was really good and he will be in the top 10.

Ashley Rodriguez – Everyone I have read is singing her praises. Really? Not memorable. Is she good? Did we hear her sing? I dunno.

Casey James – He’s CUTE. Seriously. He would have the Ace vote this year just because he makes looking at the TV something very easy to do. The difference between him and Ace though is that he can SING!! And he can play guitar. So, that is enough right there. His voice and style of singing is not what I expected. I honestly expected country music out of him. He probably could sing it. But he’s blues all the way. Top 10 material if anything to get him on the tour so all the girls out there can totally freak out when they see him.

Crystal Bowersox – This girl is very talented. It’s raw and uncensored. So are her teeth. Just kidding….she’s going to move forward enough that “her people” will fix that one flaw…She is quite good. Top 10.

Didi Benami – She will probably make Top 10 but honestly, the only thing I can remember about her is her crying.

Haeley Vaughn – Haeley is cute. I like her. I love the idea of a female black country singer. We need more of those. I am not sure how well she’ll stand up to the pressure of certain genres though. Her speech impediment kinda brings her down. Usually you don’t hear an impediment like that when someone sings. Even the tourettes guy could get through a song and you’d never know. She really needs to work on her annunciation. She won’t win but she could possible make Top 10 because she’s likeable.

Janell Wheeler – I honestly don’t know why she’s in the top 24. Cute maybe? We heard many other better singers in my opinion. What we heard from her from Hollywood Week fell flat in my opinion. She wasn’t that good.

Jermaine Sellers - I don’t remember him. So I don’t know!

John Park – I only remember his initial audition and it was good. And he sounded different than I pictured him sounding but it was a good different. I would like to see him make Top 10 if only because it would give diversity to the group.

Katelyn Epperly – Not to rain on her lil’ sob story parade but who cares? I dunno. That’s really mean. I am sure that it’s not her fault that AI thought that focusing in on her little story about her parents getting divorced would make the rest of us believe that she has a voice that kills. I don’t see it. Her voice is mediocre at best and not anything new. Her review so far? Meh.

Katie Stevens – No doubt about it. She can sing. Her voice is very mature. I wish I could sing like her. It’s really good. She’ll make Top 10 even if all the Alzheimers Homes in America vote for her and then forget about it. I know…I stink…

Lacey Brown - Good ol’ Lacey.. She so deserves to be in the Top 24 if only because she was totally screwed over last year when AI chose that warbling what’s her name over her. Lacey shows poise and maturity and above all else a great voice. I hope she sticks around a while.

Lee Dewyze - I have no idea why he’s in the Top 24 other than to give it some versatility. He’s a’ight.. I suppose but unless he can show some David Cook cajones then I don’t see him getting far much less the Top 10.

Lilly Scott – Our female Taylor Hicks, ladies and gentlemen…with out the weird tick, of course. She is ok. I dunno. She doesn’t scream star to me…another MEH.

Michael Lynche – Good ol’ Michael…HUGE ol’ Michael. Who cares. He’s got himself a good voice. I read that he almost got himself disqualified because his dad blabbed about him being in the top 24 before it was officially known. That would have sucked. He deserves to be there and despite his papa’s big mouth, the public would have found out anyway…that’s just how it is now..

Michelle Delamor – Who? Yeah…nuff said. She’ll have lots to overcome to make top 10…such as making sure she sings her butt off and stays in front of the camera..nobody will know who she is, remember her or care.

Paige Miles - See Michelle’s comment. I have absolutely NO idea about this person. I can’t even remember the sight of her. How fair is that?

Siobhan Magnus – She annoys me… I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the nose ring. I don’t know. Maybe it’s how she spells her name (yeah, I know it’s Irish). Randy says a girl will win this year. I am not so sure about that, dawg.

Tim Urban - Another, WHO? I feel sorry for some of these guys. I really don’t know how they could even dream of making the Top 10 unless they get equal air time.

Todrick Hall - Here’s the difference between Todrick and Tim Urban..I know absolutely NOTHING about Tim Urban  but I know that Todrick is a dancer who thought he’d giving singing a try and was in The Color Purple with Fantasia. How do I know this? They show him on TV all the time!! Is he good enough to win? NO! But he’ll get his face out there for sure. He’ll maybe get a lead on Broadway and not a bit player role. Maybe we should just cut to the chase and go with the top 3 – Andrew, Katie and Crystal…yeah…I’m saying it right here. Now.

Tyler Grady – Can we say ew? He weirds me out. Jim Morrison weirded me out too and that’s who they compare him to…him and Mick Jagger…another winner in the creepy rock singer category. He’ll probably make Top 10 just despite me and I’ll probably have to vote him as my bathroom break guy when they go on tour.

Then yesterday it hit me…

Debbie and I were taking our daily 2 mile walk yesterday morning. When we walk, we close off everything around us. We don’t even talk to each other. Each of us plug our iPods in and get lost in the music and count our laps around the mall. I had the music turned up loud when this song started. It was “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain. The lyrics are as follows:

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You’re my survival, you’re my living proof.
My love is alive — not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I’ve dropped out, I’ve burned up, I’ve fought my way back from the dead.
I’ve tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your…
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
…greatest fan of your life.

As the words of this song were sung a memory came to me from 14 years ago this week. It was Mike’s first time on an airplane. He was 24 years old… traveling alone from rural Pennsylvania via Chicago O’Hare to San Francisco to meet me face to face for the first time and spend 9 days with me. We went everywhere that week and a half. I wanted to show him as much of California as I could because I didn’t know when or if he’d ever get to go back there and let’s be honest, I wanted to impress him. During that week he got to see San Francisco, Monterrey, most of central California as we made our way south to spend a few days in the Los Angeles area. I got to take him to see the Pacific Ocean for the first time. He got to eat shark for his first time with me. His first visit to Disneyland was with me. We shared a dance in the parking lot at Universal Studios. George Strait’s “I Cross My Heart” blared over the stereo of my car as he held me close. It was in a word, magical.

We had gotten to know each other fairly well over the previous 3 months – as well as two cyber-pen pals could. It was difficult to have a relationship that way. It didn’t take long for chat to get old. Our phone bills reflected that in a big way. We needed this time in person. Would the spark still be there? There is a lot to be said about chemistry and whether or not it could be replicated. And it was. It was a glorious 9 days.

Then the day came when he had to leave and go back home to Pennsylvania. It was Valentines Day 1996. They let you walk people to the gate at the airport back then. He was to fly back home from LAX. It would be a long 4+ hour flight for him and a long days drive back home to Northern California for me. Saying goodbye was difficult. We didn’t want to say goodbye. We both cried. It was that moment when we both just knew for certain. It was wonderful and painful all at the same time.

And it was a moment that I hadn’t thought of in a very long time. Why now? Then this song started to play…

Well the world just lost two lonely people
The world just lost two broken hearts
The odds were against it but baby here we are
In our own little place in our own little corner
This old cold world just got a little warmer
For the rest of my life I’m gonna hold you in my arms

Chorus:
And when they carve my stone all they’ll need to write on it
Is once lived a man who got all he ever wanted
Tell me something who could ask for more
Then to be living in a moment you would die for

If I never get rich on what money can buy
It don’t matter to me and I’ll tell you why
I’ve got it all when I’m holding you this way
I’ll live to love you I’d die to keep you
Safe inside these arms that need you
I’ll be loving you with the very last breath I take

Chorus

Bridge:
Ashes to ashes dust into dust
I’ll lay beside you forever in love

Last Chorus:
And when they carve my stone all they’ll need to write on it
Is once lived a man who got all he ever wanted
Tell me something who could ask for more
Then to be living in a moment
Loving every minute
Tell me something who could ask for more
Then to be living in a moment you would die for

Living in a moment
I would die for

(Living in a Moment by Ty Herndon)

I think Mike wanted me to remember this. I think it was his way of telling me that maybe there is more to this day than meets the eye. I think he’s telling me that we’ve just gone back to that time 14 years ago. Separated by distance but not by love. ‘Til we meet again, my darling… Happy Valentines Day.

I love you.

*** WARNING — This is a RANT ***

I enjoy movies. I like getting lost for a couple hours from the reality of life. I don’t need to nor desire to be preached to or indoctrinated into a certain point of view. I don’t appreciate films that do this. It defeats the purpose of entertainment. It is just in my opinion – NOT FUN. There are some films that make no bones about it. Take for example, Michael Moore films. They are as they are advertised to be – Michael Moore’s version of reality. I call it twisted rhetoric edited and molded into a bunch of drivel… crap, if you will… BUT…He is at least honest in what he’s selling. You watch one of his movies and you know what you’re going to get. What bothers me most are the films that are meant to entertain and still like to put a dig in at people like me, like the show Big Love. No, I am not a polygamist but I am Mormon. And the Mormon representation in this show is so distorted and so beyond what is real, it’s not even funny. It amazes me how sucked in people have become by this show. Not only is the story telling bad but the acting is terrible. Never mind that EVERYTHING in the show that represents my church or beliefs is a bunch of garbage. Stereotypes are for cowards who don’t use their minds to know what’s real.It’s like a bully…they do things and say things that cut other people down because it makes them feel big. It may give them the illusion that they are better than everyone else but in the end all they end up being is a bully.

Now, why would I jump on this soapbox with a picture of Meryl Streep dressed like Julia Child holding dead chicken? Well, the picture is hilarious on one hand. And on the other hand it’s almost like a metaphor… am I the dead chicken and is she laughing at me?? In all seriousness, I watched this week, the movie Julie and Julia. It is a good story and well acted. I was entertained for about 99% of the time. But it didn’t take long for me to get a bad taste in my mouth. Twice during the film the dialogue called for one of the characters to make a generalization about Republicans. It was a jab at how heartless and cruel Republicans are. There is nothing redeeming about a Republican. The comment was off-handed and easily dismissed which I suppose most people would do. But it left me cold. I was like SAY WHAT? Is this guy trying to say that in order to be compassionate, we’d have to be liberal? There’s a difference between liberal and conservative mindsets… liberals will give a man a fish and feed him for a day but a conservative will teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Cliche, yes. To a liberal, you can’t teach a man to fish because once you do that he’s not beholden to you any more and how powerful can you be if you don’t have minions taking your hand outs. Hey…I’m all about liberty and freedom and being self-sufficient. But, I digress…. So this stupid movie insinuated I am not compassionate simply because I check the “R” on my voter registration. I know it’s a lot to read from a tiny scene in this movie but it’s not the only movie out there that is doing crap like this. It’s on TV too. Just little comments, insults, innuendos that are fed into our minds on a daily basis. No wonder there is a divide in this country. Nobody has anything nice to say about anyone!! It’s so irritating!

Today I went to see Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. The movie? It was not Oscar material. I didn’t expect it to be. It suspended my reality for 2 hours so I guess that is ok. And for the most part the movie was alright even though the most entertaining part was hearing all the little 12 year old girls in the audience scream when the lead character first came on the screen. But again….there was that one line that stuck out. This time it wasn’t an insult about Republicans or conservatives. In this particular scene, Percy Jackson had just learned he was the offspring of a mythical Greek God and a human mother. He was taken to a special “camp” for demi-gods (children of Gods and humans). He is being told that there are hundreds of other people just like him – even famous people. Not just any famous people… like WHITE HOUSE famous people. Um…. okaaaaaaay? So, Obama is a demi-God. Great. as if the worship wasn’t disgusting enough when the guy was elected. Now they are not so subtly saying that Obama is God-like. Seriously, Hollyweird? You think so? Give me a break.  You see, in the film, with the exception of a bad guy named Luke, the demi-gods could do no wrong. They were the perfect combination of gods and Humans… They have the power and strength of a god but the compassion of a human. Er…make that a liberal human…

So, anyway… this is my rant. I was just annoyed. All I wanted was to see a couple movies and lose myself for a while. Is that too much to ask?

They were big. They were soft. They were swimming in pink frosting and red heart candies. They were begging to be eaten. And after all, the cute lil’ scouts worked so hard on them. I declared it a cheat night and went for a cookie. Oh. My. Gosh. I think in a matter of about 2 minutes, I gained back all 16 pounds I had lost in the past 2 and half weeks. The cookie was sweet. VERY sweet. And I can honestly say that I have no desire for another one.

Guilt…. it’s a powerful diet tool.