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Since beginning this work in 1982, I have noticed a cultural pattern that disturbs me greatly, and one that I think is having a profoundly negative impact at the conscious and unconscious level. I have noticed that it’s much more acceptable to have a problem or many problems, or to be depressed than it is to be excited, joyful, delighted, and glowing with beauty and health.

There are so many signs, subtle and blatant, that signify this preference. People who are needy, see themselves as taken advantage of by someone more powerful than they, or victimized get lots of attention, sympathy, and supportive conversation. People who are enthusiastic and self-reliant, who can take care of themselves, get very little. As a matter of fact, very often someone who is excited and filled with joy is blatantly judged as being phony or trying “to pull the wool over our eyes.” Suspicion, doubt, and the fear of “being taken for a ride” often follow someone who feels good and looks happy!

What happened to joy? Why this apprehension or taking down a notch of happy people? I could give you a couple hundred historical reasons, but so what. All that would create is an understanding of why we are messed up in our priorities. And we are! We live in the midst of a world that is both good and bad, perfect and imperfect, and everything in between. We live in a country that is one of the richest in the world with freedom of choice, and yet we seem to be in a constant grieving process for what we don’t have!

In my travels to Nepal, Bhutan, and Thailand over the years, I have seen some of the deepest economic poverty imaginable. In 1989, when I first traveled from the airport in Kathmandu to our hotel, I was in tears seeing children with distended stomachs, flies circling their eyes, and filth in the street. My heart was breaking. It took me two days to see that those same children were smiling and laughing, holding each other’s hands, and taking care of each other. They were strong and healthy in body, and with so little they were rich in spirit and love.

Joy is the feeling of great pleasure and delight, elation! Enthusiasm means to be filled with God, inspired. Both are signs of the light and life energy within each one of us. You may have noticed, the more you focus on what you don’t want, the more you create it and all the feelings that go with it—anger, resentment, frustration…poverty. Our world will always be filled with paradox and things we do not understand or agree with, even things we hate. Does that mean that we cannot be joyful? No.

Our most important question is not, “Why do I deny my joy?” It is, “How do I deny my joy?” How do I miss the things in my life that are filled with joy? By not looking for them! Dr. Martin Seligman said, “Careful research shows that people with pessimistic habits of thinking can transform mere setbacks into disasters.” We spend so much time looking for what’s missing, what’s wrong, that we forget to be grateful for what is present! We are surrounded by beauty in every moment, nature, the human spirit, and many times all we see is the stain on the carpet at our feet.

We have good reason to choose joy. It’s healthy, it feels good, and it’s contagious! Laugh and your immune system is strengthened. Dance and your body is washed with endorphins. Play and you feel like a child, resourceful, creative, and spunky. There is research data that now suggests that happy people, in general, live longer, more meaningful lives.

The first step to joy is appreciation, seeing value in the smallest things and even the most difficult things. The second step is gratitude, being thankful for the experiences life offers us. The third step is the decision to use everything in life as a tool for learning and expanding consciousness. Each step is a powerful shift in perspective from scarcity to abundance.

When we open to the positive, more and more keeps rolling in! What happened to joy? Nothing. Maybe it’s time to remember it, to look with new eyes at all there is to be grateful for and to allow joy to fill your being.

Reflections:

1. What happens for you when you listen to someone tell their story of being mis- treated or taken advantage of at work, at home, and in relationships?

2. Have you ever thought you were being judged for expressing your joy and playfulness? What did you do in response?

3. How do you deny yourself joy? What thoughts, feelings, and behaviors?

4. How are you going to use steps 1–3 to bring more joy into your life?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

Have you got a crystal clear vision of what success means to you?

Have you ever looked at others that have hit the mark you want to hit and wondered what they know that you don’t?

Have you experienced the degree of success you desire?
Would you like to more consistently hit the mark??

Let’s take your success out of the “secret” category and get moving to create success in every aspect of your life.

I hope you enjoy watching “the Secret of Your Success.” Let me know what you think.

With love and gratitude,
Kris

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Download audio file (Taking%20Care%20of%20Yourself%20vs.%20Taking%20Good%20Care%20of%20Yourself.mp3)

April 1993

Over the past year, I have been dealing with a number of major life situations, like realizing that my business partner and I wanted different and conflicting things and collaborating on ending our business relationship in a way that we both felt respected and loved; deciding if it is time to go into new markets; having my teenage son drop out of school; being financially stretched and stressed; taking on full responsibility for fulfilling my own dreams; and to top it all off, realizing that I’m almost a third of the way through life! I say a third because I want to live to be at least 157 (the year 2100—I want to see what it’s like), and on May 9, I will turn 50. (Yes, please, I know I’m loved when I receive birthday cards!)

During all this time, I thought I was taking good care of myself, doing what I needed to do to stay not only sane but healthy too. Well, one of my favorite quotes is, “An unexamined life is not worth living” (Socrates), and as I started to examine this past year, I had a major insight that I would like to share with you.

Yes, every single one of the life situations that I’ve worked with this year has been resolved in a way that aligns with my deepest values, and I am proud of the results I have created with the help of all those involved. However, one of the side effects is that I’ve gained ten pounds!

As I look back, I realize that I used food to soften the edges of my fear and stress, to feel peaceful for a while. I used food to comfort and reward myself for all my hard work, telling myself that I deserved the extra indulgence. I used food to deny feeling out of control, not knowing how things would turn out. I had been taking care of myself by eating to stay calm and grounded. I didn’t plan it or think about it, I just did it unconsciously and now I realize it has been a pattern all my life.

So was I really taking good care of my “self ”? As I stayed with the question, not judging or thrashing myself, just open to information, this is what I learned.

My unconscious found a way to slow me down while my conscious mind was deeply focused on survival during change and going a million miles an hour. There were times when what and how I was eating came into my consciousness, I noticed it, and because my other demands were so strong, I dismissed the awareness. Besides eating unconsciously, I stopped taking the time to walk each day. Other things seemed more important.

As I look back, I wonder what would have happened if instead of taking care of my “self” unconsciously, I had done it consciously. And what I see is, I would have taken good care of myself. If I had made my health and well-being as high a priority as the other things that were happening, I would have eaten more consciously and found other ways to slow down and ground myself. I would have taken the time to go walking each morning to move my body and clear the cobwebs out of my brain. The only judgment I have of myself in all of this, is wondering when I’m going to remember that my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being are as important as finishing a task on time, and that one need not suffer because of the other. If my intention is to create healthy balance in my life, I will.

Now that I’ve had my time to reflect and realize, I can move from unconscious ways to care for myself to healthy, conscious ways to take good care of myself. What a miracle awareness is!

Asking ourselves the right questions and listening to our answers without judgment is taking good care of ourselves too.

So when will I remember that my well-being is actually more important than the task at hand? Definitely now.
How about you?

Reflections:

1. Looking back over past events, in times of stress, what have you done to take care of yourself that has had negative consequences?

2. When you realized what you were doing to yourself, how did you feel? And what did you do?

3. What are some new behaviors you can do consciously that will take good care of yourself?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Pass%20It%20On.mp3)

Have you ever had such a great experience that you were just bursting to share it with someone, overflowing with excitement and enthusiasm, wanting everyone you know to have the same experience? Perhaps an exceptional meal in a little-known restaurant, a trip to a foreign country, watching a must-see film, a breathtaking adventure in nature, reading a new author’s work, a spiritual insight that leaves you tingling, discovering a political candidate you can finally believe in—so many possibilities.

What do you want to do in those moments? Perhaps silently savor your experience to its fullest, gleaning every morsel of meaning and nuance, or maybe jump up and down with sheer delight wanting to shout out your joy, “Amazing!” What a wide range we all have to express our deepest feelings. At some point in time, I think we want to share the impact of those moments with the people we care most about.

Throughout my life, whenever I discovered something that I thought was exceptional, or had an experience that opened doors in my heart and mind, I would pass on the information to whomever I thought would benefit from it. It seemed only natural to do this. I thought that if everyone was doing this, being a free economy and a free society, soon the level of excellence and meaning all around the world would go up, because people would be supporting goods, services, and experiences of the highest quality.

My enthusiasm for quality was my guide. My desire to have everyone experiencing the best life has to offer was my motivation.

I didn’t know until 1982, when I did the Personal Effectiveness Seminar, that what I was doing was called advocacy. I just did it because I wanted to. Advocacy means to speak or write in favor of something publicly or to support something you value.

It has been easy for me to advocate when it has been about goods and services, because I knew people would probably like what I advocated for; I am a good judge of quality. Where it got tough was when I thought the other person would not agree with me. I would talk about what was “safe,” where I would not experience any resistance. I realized in some areas of my life, I was a “sunshine advocate.” I’d advocate only for the things I knew people would agree with me on.

This insight was deeply disturbing and uncomfortable. The people I most admire are the ones who have had the courage to advocate for things that are deeply important to them even when others do not agree. People who stood and said basically, “There’s an elephant in the living room!” I was playing it safe to be accepted, afraid to rock the boat and stand up for things that I thought were exceptional. This affected every part of my life, the way I parented, participated at work, even the smallest things like which movies I would talk about! My self-judgment was, “gutless!” And I didn’t like it one bit.

So I started exploring how I could stand up for what I believe in no matter what the circumstances. Even if my heart is pounding out of my chest, my mouth dry as the desert, and sweat is running down my sides, I want to express my message in a way that others can hear and understand. Not only my truth, but also my passion, my humanity, and my vision of what’s possible.

I started in a small way at home with my husband and my children and was amazed at how much
easier it was than I anticipated. After building my self trust through practice at home, I started advocating honestly and authentically with my friends. I was encouraged by how the quality of my relationships grew and deepened.

Over time I discovered three important things. When I am:
1. being authentic and honest about what I am advocating for,
2. sharing information clearly and enthusiastically,
3. respectful of the person I am talking with, which means my intention is to create the
highest good,

IT WORKS!
What do you care about passionately that you are ready to pass on?

Reflections:

1. Looking back over time, what are things that you have cared about deeply and not told anyone about?

2. What were your reasons for keeping them private?

3. What do you think about people who respectfully reveal what they care about and think is important? How do you feel in their presence?

4. What do you care enough about to risk advocating, passing it on?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

This is an excerpt from “The Power to Say YES!” a Special Evening hosted at Wings Seminars on January 31st, 2012.

Listen to Jennifer Hoffman’s interview of Kris King:
Download audio file (Kris%20King%20-%20January%202012%20Rest%20and%20Nourish.mp3)

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Download audio file (Choosing%20Service.mp3)

Growing up in the forties, fifties, and sixties, I mostly learned about service through osmosis by watching my parents, the people in my neighborhood and at church, and watching Victory at Sea on television. I had Lutheran, community, and military ideas about what it was. The way I interpreted these messages was that it was very important to relieve the suffering of others and it could come at a big price—your life.

My biggest heroes at the time, Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and JFK, were visionaries wanting to create a better world, and they were all assassinated. Would that happen to me too if I had a dream and helped make the world a better place? You may think this silly, even ridiculous, and yet it made perfect sense to me.

I also saw another aspect of service that was upsetting to me. I would overhear the ladies at church, my Grandma Inga, the elders of my church, and my teachers at school expressing resentment, frustration, and even anger if they were not appreciated the way they thought they should be. Adding these two things together, I became suspicious of people’s motivations and the value of being in service.

All of this changed when I started participating in this work and then choosing it as my life’s work. I began to see and experience the beauty and generosity of choosing service and what the words “unconditional giving” mean.

As I talk with you about service now, it is very important to understand a distinction I draw. The historical definition of service is focused outward and has to do with being helpful, dutiful, and tirelessly providing for others, even to the extent of personal loss or suffering. Now, that sounds extreme, and yet to some people that is what service is about: sacrifice. When we talk about service at Wings, it is a balance of in focus and out focus. Sharing yourself unconditionally with others, your talents, capabilities, and heart, being an instrument of kindness and caring, all the while taking care of yourself.

Wings’ mission is to inspire and support positive change, creating an abundant, loving, and respectful world community. And one of the main ways we do that is by being dedicated to service. Every day at Wings, we create an environment that is rich in respect, compassion, creativity, honesty, playfulness, acceptance, risk-taking, and community. In many ways, we have created family in the healthiest form. This does not just happen! It is not an accident. My staff and I hold our day-to-day working and living environment as crucial to the integrity of our vision for Wings.

Service is an invitation to celebrate what you have to contribute and who you are! Giving to others is a way that touches the world gently with love and respect.

Choosing service is an acknowledgement that we have something of value to share—our energy, love, expertise, time, and sometimes simply our calm presence—listening to and holding the person we are with as valuable and important.

Service is choosing to be fully present in each moment using what we have been given for the highest good for ourselves and others.

Do you want to share your love, capabilities, and enthusiasm? How would you, your family, your workplace, your community, your place of worship, the children of the world benefit by you stepping into an even higher level of being in service in your life? The world community is thirsty for the calm presence of service, for the very gifts and talents you have to share in abundance.

There is a very dedicated and tireless group of individuals that I watch transform their lives through service over a period of a year: the Wings Leadership interns. They give of themselves joyfully and patiently, with tremendous enthusiasm and playfulness. As I work with them as a group and as individuals, I am awed by their incredible commitment to living life as whole, happy, contributing people while helping others. Believe it or not, since I started in the first intern group in 1983, there have been hundreds of interns!

Each day I feel deeply honored and thankful that I “get to be” involved with so many people who support Wings’ vision, doing simple things with great love, presence, and service. Thinking about creating a better world is one thing; taking action to create it is another, because action takes commitment and courage.

I am thankful for every person on this earth who chooses service now.

Reflections:

1. How did you learn about being in service?

2. What were the strong, healthy aspects of service and what were the negative ones?

3. What is your definition of service now?

4. Who is someone who models your definition? How do you feel when you are with them?

5. If you could do one thing for the world, what would it be?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Love%20Letters%20Straight%20from%20the%20Heart.mp3)

It’s that time of year when we start thinking of gift giving to those closest and dearest to us, of feasts and celebrations, Hanukkah, Christmas, and the celebration of winter solstice. It’s a time of gathering those we love the most, of laughing with them, of noticing the very best in them (sometimes difficult to do at a family gathering!), and of celebrating ancient spiritual and religious traditions and the great abundance we all share by exchanging gifts and preparing sumptuous meals. Sounds great, and yet… Is there something missing? During this season of celebration, do you feel filled up or perhaps empty? There sure is a lot of emphasis on the spirit of the season. Where does the spirit come from, and when does it arrive?

In case you are in doubt, I love the trappings and history of Christmas, the traditions that have arisen since approximately 336 AD when Christmas was first celebrated. I deeply respect the Jewish celebration of the victory of the Maccabees over Antiochus IV Epiphanes in 165 BC—Hanukkah. Winter solstice is an ancient celebration of being happy and thankful to be alive as the days become longer and of sharing stored abundance. All are long-established and meaningful celebrations of spiritual freedom and hope for humanity. The spirit of these traditional holy days is laden with joy, love, pride, acceptance, shared abundance, reverence for life, and peace. How do we bring the spirit back if we do not feel it?

So often as I walk through shops and grocery stores looking at the faces of people as they prepare for the holidays, I feel sad that I see so little joy and very little of the glow that I associate with peace. As I walk, I wonder what each person’s life is like and if there is any way I can brighten their day. A smile, a nod, and I am gone. What else?

What would happen if that father of three toddlers or that teenage beauty were to go back to their car and find a letter on the windshield addressed simply “To you.” They may be impatient as they open it, maybe wondering what kind of come-on this is, and then they read the words in my handwriting.

“You are no different than any person on this earth, and you are…you are light and truth and humor and love and beauty. You are endless and timeless. I do not know you, and yet I do. I love you in this precious moment of this thing we call time. We are travelling through time together, even though you do not know me. I honor how you are caring for those you love, especially yourself. I feel your pain and separation, and I delight in your joy. My life is enriched knowing there are people like you in our world. The greatest gift you have to offer is you.

Thank you for being simply you. With love, all things are possible.”

Any number of things could happen. Hopefully, one of them being the person would know that someone cared and wished to send a message of love and acknowledgment, a love letter straight from the heart.

Imagine going into an airport, opening the phone book, choosing a name, or several names, and writing a love letter straight from the heart, mailing it, and hopping on your plane. Imagine choosing a distant family member, or even one who is close, and sharing your thoughtful words. Imagine sending your words of peace and love out into the world, your own words, words that speak to your soul. Unconditional caring and giving—isn’t that what we all want to experience? And yet so often we wait for another to initiate, to come find us. Please stop waiting and start loving.

I think I have just created a new tradition for myself that takes me back to the spirit of our ancient traditions. It brings back the feeling of holy days into my everyday life.

Will you join me, at least once? When we look for ways to love and acknowledge, that’s usually what we find. And when we share them with the world, our world is rich with meaning.

How would you feel if you received a love letter straight from the heart? Write it and give it away now.

Reflections:

1. What traditions do you practice to celebrate the abundance in your life (e.g., Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, other)?

2. How are the things you do fulfilling and meaningful for you? How are they stressful, perhaps draining?

3. Painting a new picture of how you want to celebrate, what will you do differently?

4. Who do you think would want to receive a love letter straight from the heart from you?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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With love and gratitude,
Kris

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Download audio file (Breaking%20Out%20of%20the%20Box.mp3)

The Wings logo is very significant to me and our organization. It signifies leaving the confines of established limitations and exploring new territory. In other words, breaking out of the box.
On October 1, James and I signed an agreement that ends our seven-year partnership in Wings, an agreement that assists both of us to move beyond the confines of our established limits and to explore new territory. Something valued, cherished, and known is ending: our partnership. As I write, I am filled with paradoxical emotions like sadness, worry, fear, and my old friend self-doubt. On the other hand, I am feeling exhilaration, excitement, amazement at my own courage, pride, gratitude, curiosity, freedom—in other words, expansiveness!

How did all of this come about? This spring when I was travelling to Hong Kong, I had time to look at Wings from a different perspective, what we call fresh eyes. I realized that in our partnership, both James and I were holding ourselves back from our true potential. We had fallen into patterns that worked well and yet limited us both (does this sound familiar?). I decided to give this realization some time, being the cautious creature I am. I also began exploring what I really want in life, what my dreams are—in other words, my own personal vision.

In August, the pieces fell into place. I became crystal clear about what I want. It was time to talk
with James. Even though I was crystal clear, it took every ounce of courage I had to say what I knew to be true. I was afraid of all sorts of things—hurting James, being selfish, not being right, etc.—but mainly I was afraid of two things. First was breaking up the established order. And secondly, taking ownership 100 percent of what I want.

I did it anyway. As I spoke, heart pounding, perspiration gathering, throat dry, I noticed that James was not responding the way I had anticipated (upset, taken aback, hurt, angry); he was nodding his head in agreement! Amazement! All this anxiety, and he’s in agreement with me. Wow!

We had a great conversation about our dreams, what we want for Wings and for each other. We both realized it was time for positive change and exploration of new territory. As our agreement grew, we decided to create a context for the transformation we and Wings would be going through.
We agreed that practicing what we teach was essential in everything we did:

1. Win-win. Wings as a corporation, our participants, our staff, Kris, and James would all benefit by whatever we decided
2. We would be completely honest with each other
3. Our love for each other would be nourished throughout the process

Guess what? We did it!

Wings Seminars goes on, offering you and your family and friends the very best seminars in the Northwest, perhaps the entire country. I am free in Wings to implement changes that are so important to me, and James is free to explore new territory. It took some time to work it all out, and we did it!

I am so proud of James; his heart and commitment have been so apparent through this whole time (and his playfulness is back!). I am so thankful to Jesse Reeder for her selfless wisdom and assistance. I am so blessed to have a staff that holds this work and Wings in such high esteem that they consistently give their best and tell the truth.

And I am proud of me too!

What I have learned, once again, is that it may be scary to dream, to change direction, to tell the truth, to stand up for what you believe in, to end things. And it is essential if you want to find out more about who you are. Breaking out of the box right now is the most exciting thing Wings has done in quite a while!

I thank you for the support you have given Wings in the past and hope that you will allow us to provide you with the best seminars available in the future. That’s what we are here for. What box are you ready to break out of?

Reflections:

1. Before making a change in something important to you, what fears arise?

2. When you are fearful, how do you handle it? What behaviors do you do, what thoughts run through your mind?

3. Where are the places in your life that you most want to create positive change?

4. Write down specifically the outcomes you want to create and your first action steps to get you started.

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King