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Growing up in the forties, fifties, and sixties, I mostly learned about service through osmosis by watching my parents, the people in my neighborhood and at church, and watching Victory at Sea on television. I had Lutheran, community, and military ideas about what it was. The way I interpreted these messages was that it was very important to relieve the suffering of others and it could come at a big price—your life.

My biggest heroes at the time, Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and JFK, were visionaries wanting to create a better world, and they were all assassinated. Would that happen to me too if I had a dream and helped make the world a better place? You may think this silly, even ridiculous, and yet it made perfect sense to me.

I also saw another aspect of service that was upsetting to me. I would overhear the ladies at church, my Grandma Inga, the elders of my church, and my teachers at school expressing resentment, frustration, and even anger if they were not appreciated the way they thought they should be. Adding these two things together, I became suspicious of people’s motivations and the value of being in service.

All of this changed when I started participating in this work and then choosing it as my life’s work. I began to see and experience the beauty and generosity of choosing service and what the words “unconditional giving” mean.

As I talk with you about service now, it is very important to understand a distinction I draw. The historical definition of service is focused outward and has to do with being helpful, dutiful, and tirelessly providing for others, even to the extent of personal loss or suffering. Now, that sounds extreme, and yet to some people that is what service is about: sacrifice. When we talk about service at Wings, it is a balance of in focus and out focus. Sharing yourself unconditionally with others, your talents, capabilities, and heart, being an instrument of kindness and caring, all the while taking care of yourself.

Wings’ mission is to inspire and support positive change, creating an abundant, loving, and respectful world community. And one of the main ways we do that is by being dedicated to service. Every day at Wings, we create an environment that is rich in respect, compassion, creativity, honesty, playfulness, acceptance, risk-taking, and community. In many ways, we have created family in the healthiest form. This does not just happen! It is not an accident. My staff and I hold our day-to-day working and living environment as crucial to the integrity of our vision for Wings.

Service is an invitation to celebrate what you have to contribute and who you are! Giving to others is a way that touches the world gently with love and respect.

Choosing service is an acknowledgement that we have something of value to share—our energy, love, expertise, time, and sometimes simply our calm presence—listening to and holding the person we are with as valuable and important.

Service is choosing to be fully present in each moment using what we have been given for the highest good for ourselves and others.

Do you want to share your love, capabilities, and enthusiasm? How would you, your family, your workplace, your community, your place of worship, the children of the world benefit by you stepping into an even higher level of being in service in your life? The world community is thirsty for the calm presence of service, for the very gifts and talents you have to share in abundance.

There is a very dedicated and tireless group of individuals that I watch transform their lives through service over a period of a year: the Wings Leadership interns. They give of themselves joyfully and patiently, with tremendous enthusiasm and playfulness. As I work with them as a group and as individuals, I am awed by their incredible commitment to living life as whole, happy, contributing people while helping others. Believe it or not, since I started in the first intern group in 1983, there have been hundreds of interns!

Each day I feel deeply honored and thankful that I “get to be” involved with so many people who support Wings’ vision, doing simple things with great love, presence, and service. Thinking about creating a better world is one thing; taking action to create it is another, because action takes commitment and courage.

I am thankful for every person on this earth who chooses service now.

Reflections:

1. How did you learn about being in service?

2. What were the strong, healthy aspects of service and what were the negative ones?

3. What is your definition of service now?

4. Who is someone who models your definition? How do you feel when you are with them?

5. If you could do one thing for the world, what would it be?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Love%20Letters%20Straight%20from%20the%20Heart.mp3)

It’s that time of year when we start thinking of gift giving to those closest and dearest to us, of feasts and celebrations, Hanukkah, Christmas, and the celebration of winter solstice. It’s a time of gathering those we love the most, of laughing with them, of noticing the very best in them (sometimes difficult to do at a family gathering!), and of celebrating ancient spiritual and religious traditions and the great abundance we all share by exchanging gifts and preparing sumptuous meals. Sounds great, and yet… Is there something missing? During this season of celebration, do you feel filled up or perhaps empty? There sure is a lot of emphasis on the spirit of the season. Where does the spirit come from, and when does it arrive?

In case you are in doubt, I love the trappings and history of Christmas, the traditions that have arisen since approximately 336 AD when Christmas was first celebrated. I deeply respect the Jewish celebration of the victory of the Maccabees over Antiochus IV Epiphanes in 165 BC—Hanukkah. Winter solstice is an ancient celebration of being happy and thankful to be alive as the days become longer and of sharing stored abundance. All are long-established and meaningful celebrations of spiritual freedom and hope for humanity. The spirit of these traditional holy days is laden with joy, love, pride, acceptance, shared abundance, reverence for life, and peace. How do we bring the spirit back if we do not feel it?

So often as I walk through shops and grocery stores looking at the faces of people as they prepare for the holidays, I feel sad that I see so little joy and very little of the glow that I associate with peace. As I walk, I wonder what each person’s life is like and if there is any way I can brighten their day. A smile, a nod, and I am gone. What else?

What would happen if that father of three toddlers or that teenage beauty were to go back to their car and find a letter on the windshield addressed simply “To you.” They may be impatient as they open it, maybe wondering what kind of come-on this is, and then they read the words in my handwriting.

“You are no different than any person on this earth, and you are…you are light and truth and humor and love and beauty. You are endless and timeless. I do not know you, and yet I do. I love you in this precious moment of this thing we call time. We are travelling through time together, even though you do not know me. I honor how you are caring for those you love, especially yourself. I feel your pain and separation, and I delight in your joy. My life is enriched knowing there are people like you in our world. The greatest gift you have to offer is you.

Thank you for being simply you. With love, all things are possible.”

Any number of things could happen. Hopefully, one of them being the person would know that someone cared and wished to send a message of love and acknowledgment, a love letter straight from the heart.

Imagine going into an airport, opening the phone book, choosing a name, or several names, and writing a love letter straight from the heart, mailing it, and hopping on your plane. Imagine choosing a distant family member, or even one who is close, and sharing your thoughtful words. Imagine sending your words of peace and love out into the world, your own words, words that speak to your soul. Unconditional caring and giving—isn’t that what we all want to experience? And yet so often we wait for another to initiate, to come find us. Please stop waiting and start loving.

I think I have just created a new tradition for myself that takes me back to the spirit of our ancient traditions. It brings back the feeling of holy days into my everyday life.

Will you join me, at least once? When we look for ways to love and acknowledge, that’s usually what we find. And when we share them with the world, our world is rich with meaning.

How would you feel if you received a love letter straight from the heart? Write it and give it away now.

Reflections:

1. What traditions do you practice to celebrate the abundance in your life (e.g., Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, other)?

2. How are the things you do fulfilling and meaningful for you? How are they stressful, perhaps draining?

3. Painting a new picture of how you want to celebrate, what will you do differently?

4. Who do you think would want to receive a love letter straight from the heart from you?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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With love and gratitude,
Kris

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Download audio file (Breaking%20Out%20of%20the%20Box.mp3)

The Wings logo is very significant to me and our organization. It signifies leaving the confines of established limitations and exploring new territory. In other words, breaking out of the box.
On October 1, James and I signed an agreement that ends our seven-year partnership in Wings, an agreement that assists both of us to move beyond the confines of our established limits and to explore new territory. Something valued, cherished, and known is ending: our partnership. As I write, I am filled with paradoxical emotions like sadness, worry, fear, and my old friend self-doubt. On the other hand, I am feeling exhilaration, excitement, amazement at my own courage, pride, gratitude, curiosity, freedom—in other words, expansiveness!

How did all of this come about? This spring when I was travelling to Hong Kong, I had time to look at Wings from a different perspective, what we call fresh eyes. I realized that in our partnership, both James and I were holding ourselves back from our true potential. We had fallen into patterns that worked well and yet limited us both (does this sound familiar?). I decided to give this realization some time, being the cautious creature I am. I also began exploring what I really want in life, what my dreams are—in other words, my own personal vision.

In August, the pieces fell into place. I became crystal clear about what I want. It was time to talk
with James. Even though I was crystal clear, it took every ounce of courage I had to say what I knew to be true. I was afraid of all sorts of things—hurting James, being selfish, not being right, etc.—but mainly I was afraid of two things. First was breaking up the established order. And secondly, taking ownership 100 percent of what I want.

I did it anyway. As I spoke, heart pounding, perspiration gathering, throat dry, I noticed that James was not responding the way I had anticipated (upset, taken aback, hurt, angry); he was nodding his head in agreement! Amazement! All this anxiety, and he’s in agreement with me. Wow!

We had a great conversation about our dreams, what we want for Wings and for each other. We both realized it was time for positive change and exploration of new territory. As our agreement grew, we decided to create a context for the transformation we and Wings would be going through.
We agreed that practicing what we teach was essential in everything we did:

1. Win-win. Wings as a corporation, our participants, our staff, Kris, and James would all benefit by whatever we decided
2. We would be completely honest with each other
3. Our love for each other would be nourished throughout the process

Guess what? We did it!

Wings Seminars goes on, offering you and your family and friends the very best seminars in the Northwest, perhaps the entire country. I am free in Wings to implement changes that are so important to me, and James is free to explore new territory. It took some time to work it all out, and we did it!

I am so proud of James; his heart and commitment have been so apparent through this whole time (and his playfulness is back!). I am so thankful to Jesse Reeder for her selfless wisdom and assistance. I am so blessed to have a staff that holds this work and Wings in such high esteem that they consistently give their best and tell the truth.

And I am proud of me too!

What I have learned, once again, is that it may be scary to dream, to change direction, to tell the truth, to stand up for what you believe in, to end things. And it is essential if you want to find out more about who you are. Breaking out of the box right now is the most exciting thing Wings has done in quite a while!

I thank you for the support you have given Wings in the past and hope that you will allow us to provide you with the best seminars available in the future. That’s what we are here for. What box are you ready to break out of?

Reflections:

1. Before making a change in something important to you, what fears arise?

2. When you are fearful, how do you handle it? What behaviors do you do, what thoughts run through your mind?

3. Where are the places in your life that you most want to create positive change?

4. Write down specifically the outcomes you want to create and your first action steps to get you started.

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Being%20Your%20Own%20Best%20Friend.mp3)

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to have a very best friend? If you could magically create one, what would they be like? Someone who listened to you attentively, respected your opinions, told you the truth in such a way that you loved to hear it? Someone who loved you so much they wanted only the best for you, laughed with you, and shared themselves delightfully? Someone you could be quiet with and yet connected to? If you could have anything you want, what qualities would you choose and value most in your best friend?

If this person were to suddenly walk into your life today, now, what would happen, how would things change? How would you feel? What kinds of things would you want to do together? How would your life expand?

You know, we do seem to hope a lot for someone else to come along and make us feel good, don’t we? And when they don’t do it right, we get pretty upset. It’s taken me a long time to realize that the quality of the relationship I have with myself determines not only the quality of my relationships with others but the quality of my life itself.

When I was growing up, I had no idea that I could possibly be my own best friend. If I had talked like that or even felt like that, my friends would have laughed at me and thought me extremely weird. I wish I had known being my own best friend was possible back then. I would have had a lot less heartache than I did. I remember looking out the window with longing as a kid, seeing my friends together outside and thinking, “Why aren’t I with them?” I wasn’t with them because I was waiting for them to come find me, a strange kind of hide-and-seek that they didn’t know I was playing.

Do you remember ever thinking your were left out and feeling lonely? How did you manage those thoughts and feelings? I remember saying to myself, “I don’t care!” even though I cared very much. I also pretended that I was very involved with something much more important than my friends so they wouldn’t see my hurt. Time went by, and my ways of compensating became the norm; now I held people away, thinking I was independent. And I was so lonely inside.

Then I took the Personal Effectiveness Seminar and realized that being my own best friend is actually my job, my responsibility. The ball is in my court. How I feel inside is my own creation. I am so fortunate I learned this at Wings. I am more than fortunate, I am ecstatic, because Wings is a place where people of all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, etc., are learning to be their own best friend. Wings is here to assist you, to support you in being your own best friend and knowing how to create fulfilling and rewarding relationships in all aspects of your life!!

Learning to be your own best friend takes commitment in the deepest, purest sense to yourself…to living your life and valuing it as a unique creation. I share this poem with you to help you remember to be your own best friend.

mighty guest of merely me traveler from eternity;
in a single wish, receive
all i am and dream and have.
Be thou gay by dark and day;
gay as only truth is gay (nothing’s false, in earth in air
in water and in fire, but fear— mind’s a coward; lies are laws) laugh, and make each no thy yes: love; and give because the why —gracious wanderer, be thou gay

—E. E. Cummings

Reflections:

1. Do you remember ever thinking you were left out as a kid and feeling lonely? Whose attention did you want?

2. How did you manage those thoughts and feelings? What did you do?

3. If you could have anything you want, what qualities would you choose and value most in your best friend?

4. What is it going to take for you to be those things to yourself, to be your own best friend?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011
Time: 7 – 9 p.m. Doors Open at 6:45 p.m.
Cost: Suggested Donation of $10 for the True Colors scholarship fund.
Location: WINGS Seminar Building, Eugene, Oregon
Registration Information: Wings-Seminars.com

Take a moment and remember the times when you have felt most resourceful, capable, clear, happy, confident and peaceful. Pretty wonderful feelings, aren’t they?

Wouldn’t it be great to feel that way all the time!

Come share an evening with Kris King and learn 5 strategies to assist you to do just that—Personal Power… Personal Peace.

Imagine.

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Download audio file (Taking%20Tea%20with%20Adversity.mp3)

Oh, the world is full of wondrous lessons that keep us on our toes. Oftentimes we have no idea that what’s happening is an opportunity to learn, because many of these lessons are ushered into our lives by resistance or adversity!

For example: an event takes place, we look at it, interpret the event as adversity, a misfortune, or a setback, and then we decide it is worthy of a negative response. So we resist, defend, or fight. Now, mind you, all of this happens in the twinkling of an eye. This is not a conscious response, it is a reactive, unconscious response based on our belief system and past experiences.

While we are resisting, we are gathering all pertinent information to back up the rightness of our decision to resist. We are culling the archives of our past experiences, so we can justify ourselves to others if they question our behavior when we denounce or fight back. We may even try to get others to join us in the resistance, allies to bolster the strength of our defense. Does this sound familiar to you? It is the age-old pattern of reactivity, defense, and thinking we are right, which means they are wrong.

Much harm has come to the world through this pattern of reacting to perceived adversity: bigotry, abuse, broken relationships, misuse of power, polarized communities, and in the extreme, war. Some good has come from it too: high ideals represented, just causes becoming recognized. Yet when people standing up for “just causes” make the “other side” sound mindless, evil, stupid, you name it, it only causes more polarization, a breakdown of communication, and diminishes the possibility of common ground or community. In my mind, the harm done far outweighs the good.

Is it natural to resist, to be afraid of the unknown, the different, and the foreign? Sure. It is a defense mechanism to keep us safe and whole, heralding back to the time of the woolly mammoth and survival. But just because we have the feeling of adversity or resistance doesn’t mean we “have to” attack or defend ourselves. Am I saying to stand back and do nothing? Absolutely not! Having the truth be known is vital to our growth as human beings. So what to do, especially when you care?

At approximately 4:00 p.m. each day, the British take tea. A long-standing tradition, teatime is an oasis in the day, a time to sit and relax, to refresh themselves after the industrious part of the day is done, and to enjoy friendship and gracious conversation. It is a peaceful time-out.

When a lesson comes waltzing into our lives with resistance as its partner, or an event occurs and we feel the desire to resist or defend, what would it be like if we took a nice deep breath, paused until we felt calm, and then said,

“Pull up a chair, let us take tea together. Let us take some time to explore and be curious, being respectful of each other while being responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Let’s have a peaceful time-out.”

Instead of reacting, we get curious about the other person and their intentions as well as our own. We open our mind and heart instead of having our hackles come up and our lips turn into a sneer, looking for the jugular and wanting to prove that we are right. Some of my greatest learning has come from checking out my assumptions about the truth, by asking instead of telling, and discovering that my assumptions were not true at all.

So often it seems we forget the things that are most important to us. We want to feel peaceful, and yet we don’t. Choosing peace is a skill, a discipline, and a delight! And choosing peace is our gift to ourselves and the world.

Take tea with adversity; listen, learn, and then choose peace.

Reflections:

1. What are the things about yourself that you react to most strongly (e.g., needing to be right when your thoughts are challenged, feeling hurt if you don’t get what you want)?

2. What are your patterns of reactivity (e.g., the silent treatment, arguing, isolating, addictions)?

3. What is the impact in your relationships and on you?

4. What is one new behavior you will do that will give you healthier results?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King