I went back to a Chinese New Years event held at the Martial Arts School I used to attend. In my teenage years I was highly involved, a highly social participant and my fellow classmates were like extended family. Family with drama of course, but family none the less. Fast forward to today, and half of those relationships have survived in somewhat truncated and somewhat expanded forms.

The boy I once had the most unrequited love for is now a grown gay man. Apparently I was the catalyst to that admission. (If he couldn’t love me, than he could love no woman, how’s that for flattery?) We are quite close now. The woman who was my senior (and who used to give me terrible advice, btw) and aggressively required more male attention than any woman I have ever met, has retired from the school since she found her  SO there. The man who let me ocassionally have my adolescent hormonal way with him remains an indelible friend of mine. The teachers who used to admonish me for my frequent lack of studiousness now hit on me.

And I still feel like I’m 17 years old. It’s a weird feeling to see how others view you change sometimes. I suppose I am grateful that I am now considered an adult standing on my own two feet. When I was 17, I desired that acknowledgment, but at the same time I was glad that I could fade into the background when the drama ensuing my 20 something friends unfurled. Now that I’m the 20 something it is weird, I’d rather not have the attention. At least then I knew my friendships were based upon my personality and merits, why the sudden interest in me now? It’s like I was a tadpole and grew legs and lost the tail. Funny thing is, I think it’s just the age that makes me “hot.” I was full grown and in much better shape physically then.

And although I feel like I’m still 17, I know I am young and am actually waiting with anticipation to meet my thirties. I am surrendering to the intensity of my twenties finally: the knowing and not knowing what I want or need in life. I have to commit the next few years to living without compromise to find out what I want in life and not be lazy, or stay too close to my comfort zone to make my personal discoveries. I look at the next decades as hopefully a time of peace and reconciliation of hopefully knowing what I want and going out to get them. I feel like now, at 24, being young, I have to make a series of possible mistakes to discover all of this, and it is scary.

So, those of you out there reading this who are older, maybe wiser, does this make you want to be younger again and go through this? Did you skip this portion of the pie or are you going through it again. Sigh, I just wonder, because although I feel like time is running out, I still feel inexorably young, and a bit clumsy. Just a thought.

Seattle at Night

I have no idea why I named this post I am a Monster, but I think that’s how I feel right now. And it feels good.
It’s been a few days since anything has been posted and there is a definite reason for that. I am on vacation! I have officially finished my degree and have decided to take a much needed trip home for a few weeks to catch up on some R&R, visit family and friends, and soak up some much loved mild weather.
And Seattle is beautiful. It changes every time I visit and seems so new to me. That’s one of my favorite things about visiting here is just how fresh the world becomes to me again. Anyway, I had planned to spend more time on this site while I was here, but I also forgot (or maybe I was in denial) about the whirlwind of things to do, engagements to make, places to go while I’m here, so I am no where near a typing device most of the time.
Let’s see, I’ve caught a bit of a cold, but I think it’s the anxiety and stress rushing out of my body from being done with school. It has not been easy, but soon I will feel the relief of it full force (maybe when the sickness is over). Then it’s on to planning the next steps and paying off those loans! Well, I’m still on vacation, so no dwelling on that for the moment. I’ve come up with a few things I’d like to do now that I’m not in school. One of them is developing this site and another is writing some erotica. I fantasize enough to share with other people, and it’d be a great way to get this site out there more. I’m looking forward to it. If I finish a good draught by the submission deadline, I may submit it to Best Women’s Erotica 2010. So we’ll see.
I definitely look forward to sharing that process here. Thus far I’ve outlined the basic plot and sequencing of the story. Next will be detailing some explicit sex and making sure there’s enough juice in there to make it the steamiest 2500 to 4500 words I’ve written in a long time.

Violet Blue of tinynibbles.com

Kicking off the Krush column is an inaugural Valentine to the lovely Miss Violet Blue of tinynibbles.com. This woman does it all: she’s a sex columnist and educator, author and editor, podcaster, robotics expert, porn reviewer and blogger extraordinaire. She’s been at it for over a decade, published several books, made many a media appearance and is a success story I dream of emulating. Well, maybe not emulate, but follow in her footsteps.

I am fairly new to her and her work, but what I’ve seen so far of it has impressed me and inspired me. I hope to develop my own voice in the midst of this blogging experience and further the mission of it with various forms of media stemming beyond the “classic” written blog post entry. I really enjoy her blog. It is fun, critical, exposing and diverse. (Essentially, this is a plug for you to go there and familiarize yourself with its awesomeness.)

Open Source Sex, her podcast includes erotica, interviews and insight. And her voice is sexy. OK, damn it, she’s just plain sexy: confident, informed, articulate, humorous and red pouted sexy. I have hours of listening to do to catch up to the current episodes and I’m saving them up to enjoy during my upcoming vacation.

This Valentine’s Day I’d like to thank Violet Blue for her contributions to the dissemination of kink positive sexual education and for inspiring me and Kink It Yourself.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14TH, 2009
AGAINST THE WALL PRESENTS:
FUCK LOVE, LET’S FUCK QUEER/TRANS* PARTY
An adult-themed anti-valentine’s day party for queer and trans folk of all genders

The party is at Eastern Bloc (7240 rue Clark, just above Jean Talon).
18+, ID required (we will be looking at the birthdate only, sex marker will be ignored completely). 10$
The party runs from 9pm until 3am. No entries after 3am

Schedule:
9:00pm - workshop on consent and trans-inclusion/trans-positivity
10:30pm - performance art and spoken word by trish salah, Kate L, Jordan Leoppky-Kolesnik, Ms. Mandrew Flowerthorne & Laurence Laurence Laurence, and Sarah Fuchs & Coral Short
11:30pm - cruising, playing, spin the bottle, porn screenings, and dance party with djs riotghost, faggotron, dirtyboots, noisy nora + more

We will not be selling alcohol. Please bring your own and keep substance use to a minimum. A non-alcoholic bar will be available for snacks, juice, and so on.
Safer sex supplies (gloves, condoms, lube, alcohol pads) will be provided all night. Active Listeners will be on site all night for people to talk to if they feel triggered/just need to chat. Monitors will also be on site all night to ensure safe play is happening.

We regret that the space is not wheelchair accessible. We are currently searching for an accessible venue for our play parties, and would appreciate any leads you might have. please get in touch if you know of anything!

Now before you jump in, get familiar with our rules and ethics that are listed below. You will be asked to read them again before being allowed into the space.

The Against The Wall code of conduct:

Do not assume people’s genders.
This is a queer and trans*-positive space, free of corporal oppression. Please check your shit at the door.
Clean up after your scene and respect the space. Be respectful of other people’s spaces, too.
No cameras allowed.
Clean up after your scene and be respectful of the space.
Keep substance use to a minimum.
Respect the no-sex areas (cuddle room, exterior chillout space).
Practice safe/r sex.
Smoking outside only.
Negociate safewords before your scenes, put them to use when you feel the need to.
If you’re a voyeur, stand at a respectable distance and watch, quietly.

If you feel triggered and/or need to talk, go see the active listening person (pink bandana on arm).
If you need help or have any questions, find the organizer (white bandana on arm).

We reserve to right to kick out (or ban) any participant who is deemed disruptive, offensive, or verbally/sexually abusive.

*The anti-valentine’s day party is open to queer and trans folk of all genders*

Also, to reflect the changes our collective has made recently, here is the updated version of our mandate:

We are a Montreal based feminist collective of queer and trans-identified folks. We feel that in a city dominated by straight swinger clubs and homonormative, gay male-only sex spaces, there is a need for women and queer/trans friendly spaces to express our sexualities. We are a sex and kink positive collective that is committed to anti-oppression and harm reduction based politics. We seek to create events where queer and trans people of all genders can play together in a consensual environment. In addition to this, we embrace honest dialogue about sexuality, consent, race, abuse, gender, queer issues, and fighting back against oppression in our own communities. And, ultimately, we are committed to getting (you) off!

If you have any questions, concerns, or queeries, please feel free to contact us at montrealsexparty@gmail.com

Kinky Kisses,
The Against the Wall Collective

I learned about the whole fiasco in a Gizmodo article that some friends hipped me to. Go there to watch the clip, or to the website for the guy  in Tuscon who recorded the video. Sorry, I couldn’t figure out how to embed the video

I received an invite to volunteer at the upcoming “Everything To Do With Sex Show,” or Sexpo as I like to call it. I believe it is officially called the Salon de l’Amour et de la Séduction and goes down this weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) at the Olympic Stadium (Metro Pie-IX). For those of you who are in Montréal, check it out. Cost of admission is $15 dollars per day. There are seminars, demos and even a dungeon. I’ll be manning the FetLife booth as a meet and greet volunteer in the morning to early afternoon in the dungeon.

I’ve only been to the Sexpo once before and had a good time. The toys and equipment out there were fun, but I’m glad to hear that there will be a dungeon dedicated to the spicier variety of sexual interests. I do love a good latex show. If you plan to attend or want to become my friend on FetLife e-mail me at jessicalee {at} kinkityourself {dot} com.