Recently I sat in on the Parent Equipping class for 3 year olds. My children are currently 7 and 10; I was there simply to support my friend as she led the class. The topic of the class was  How to move beyond behavior modification to Godly Discipline. As the class began I realized I had become a little neglectful in the type of discipline I give my children. I was in need of a refresher in using God’s word and being consistent with discipline.

During the class the concept of The Circle of Blessing from the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart was shared. This concept comes from   Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV):

Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother –which is the first commandment—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth.

The Circle of Blessing is the idea that while obeying and honoring one’s parents, the child remains in the circle. The circle represents a place of safety and protection. However, if one steps out of the circle of blessing and chooses to disobey, the child is no longer in the safety of the circle.

This concept is not new for me. I have attended a couple Shepherding a Child’s Heart seminars, have read the book several times, and the first Bible verse my kids memorized was Ephesians 6:1. I realized during this class that as my children have gotten older I have stepped away from using this concept.  Discipline with my older son (age 10) has started taking on a different look; however, my younger son (age 7) can be a handful and I decided to reintroduce the Circle of Blessing into our family discipline strategy.

We talked about the Circle of Blessing as a family at dinner; I explained what it meant and even drew a picture, but my 7 year old just didn’t get it. So, I used the example of an umbrella. I asked him, “Why do we use an umbrella?” He replied with an eye roll, “So we don’t get wet in the rain.”  Then I asked, “What happens if we step out from under the umbrella?” He replied with another eye roll, “We get wet.” I then explained to him that the Circle of Blessing is like the umbrella: as long as we are under the umbrella (or inside the circle) we stay protected. The umbrella protects us from the rain while the Circle of Blessing protects us from the dangers of disobeying. Finally, he got it.

We have gotten back into the practice of reminding our children of the Circle of Blessing. I will often ask them this question: “Where do you want to be standing–in the rain or under God’s umbrella?” Discipline keeps our children safe and teaches them life lessons. The Circle of Blessing and living under God’s umbrella can help us teach our children the importance of obeying.

Parenting Resources:   Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp  Wise Words for Moms, by Ginger Plowman

Parenting Tip: With the coming of spring, use Crissy’s illustration as a family object lesson. Get a little wet together to bring home the idea as choosing to be under God’s umbrella.

Why would a couple of teen girls want to hang with an almost 40 year old? Food helped, I’m sure, but we also attend the same church. I have introduced myself to these girls, asked them about their lives and received countless hugs from them. In short, we value each other enough to pursue a relationship. We may not be of the same generation, but we share a common faith community. We can share how God is moving in each others’ lives.

Kati and Molli gave me a lot of good instruction that night on how to be a better parent when my kids get their age. They reminded me of thoughts, feelings and fears in that stage of life. They loved me like a sister and encouraged me; I hope they feel the same.  I am trusting that God honored our love for one another and am believing the best.

Kids Community just started a recruiting drive that presses families to open their circle by encouraging multi-generational friendships. Families who recruit five multi-generational friends to work with their kids once a quarter can win a free family dinner and a subscription to Thriving Family magazine.  The drive is about valuing each other and pursuing Godly relationships across generations.

The trick to not forgetting is to act intentionally. It is important to model in the Christian community. Inclusion and inviting can be risky. Rejection is a fear that satan uses. Are we intentionally looking for, praying for and pursuing multi-generational relationships as a leading from the Holy Spirit?

The Amplified Bible quotes 1 Peter 4:9 this way: “Practice hospitality to one another – be hospitable, be a lover of strangers, with brotherly affection for the unknown quests, the foreigners, the poor and all others who come your way who are of Christ’s body”

Parenting Tip: Make a prayer chart with the following divisions: middle schooler, high schooler, college student, young professional, new married, new parents, single professional 30-50, empty nester, 50-70 year old, and  elderly friend. As a family look for one name in your neighborhood, work, school or church to fit into each area. Pray for these people together as a family and encourage one another brainstorm ways to pursue relationships with them this year. Ideas could be cards, phone calls, dinner invite, service project, event invite, hug, sit next to them at church.

Family Service Project: Make cards and take them to the local nursing home. Did you know that extended care facilities offer an easily assessable mission field in every city. Think of it as the crossroads of real life and the need for comfort.  It also is a great place to practice manners with young children and teens – handshake, saying their name, looking into someone’s eyes, responding appropriately, and practicing thank you.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.  ”If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:27-36

We read these verses and discussed what Jesus was telling us to do; Michael could not understand why we should be nice to someone who has been mean to us. Tried as I might’ I could not explain well enough for him to understand. We ended the devotion with a prayer asking God to help us learn to love those who are mean. I felt like I had failed as a mom to teach the lesson of these verses to my son.

I continued to pray that God would reveal the meaning of these words to Michael. This morning on our way to school God did just that. Michael shared with me about a friend (we will call him Joe) in his class who has been lying (ie. My dad owns a race car, my grandma has a million dollars—the typical exaggerated lies children tell).  Michael shared that he gets angry when Joe lies to him, and that some of the other boys will not play with Joe anymore. He also shared that he felt bad that no one wanted to be Joe’s friend. I reminded Michael of the verses in Luke 6 and asked him if he thought God might be telling him to love Joe in spite of his lying.

As I watched Michael think this over I could see the understanding show on his face. Finally, he said with a big smile, “I can love him by being his friend even though I don’t like his lying!” He got it! We continued to talk about how we can pray for Joe and show Jesus’ love to him by being his friend. We said a quick prayer for Joe as we pulled up to the school, and Michael was ready to be Joe’s friend and pray for him all day long.

Even though Michael did not understand the meaning of these verses right away, I had not failed to relay the lesson. God gave Michael a greater understanding through this situation with his friend Joe and made the lesson real. I realized that the simple act of reading these verses with my children plants the lessons in their hearts even if I do not see the fruit right away; God is faithful and His word does not return void. (Isaiah 55:11)

When my grandson Conner was young, he came to stay with us for several days while his parents were on vacation. My wife told me that bedtime was going to be a little challenging because Conner did not have a schedule — he was allowed to stay up as long as he wanted and was put to bed only after he fell asleep. Obviously, that wasn’t going to work for us.

On the first evening when 8:30 pm rolled around, we got Amanda (our youngest daughter) and Conner ready for bed — pajamas on and teeth brushed. Then I read them a story. “Okay, lights out, sleep well, see you in the morning,” I said as I kissed each one good night. Conner said: “But Grandpa I’m not ready to go to sleep.” I said: “Remember what I told you? The rules at Grandma and Grandpa’s house are a little different than Mommy and Daddy’s. At our house kids go to bed at 8:30. See you in the morning.” Conner obediently nodded: “Okay Grandpa.”

By the time my son and daughter-in-law picked up Conner after their trip, they were shocked to see he was not only going to bed at 8:30, but also eating what we ate at mealtime. My son asked: “How did you get him to do it?” My answer: “I just told him what the rules were — we all eat what Grandma makes (this isn’t a restaurant), and bedtime is at 8:30. It wasn’t very difficult because he’s a really great kid. You guys have done a wonderful job with him — just make sure he knows his boundaries and parenting will be a lot more enjoyable.”

Let me ask you this question in the context of our passage today: Did Conner know he was breaking a rule at his own house if he didn’t go to bed at 8:30, or  if he ate only peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly)? Of course not; where there is no law, there can be no trespass. Conner didn’t know there were rules, so he couldn’t be held accountable for breaking any. He thought bedtime was when he felt tired and he should eat only what tasted good.

In our passage today, Paul explains this same concept applied to man before the Law was given:  ”…sin is not taken into account when there is no law.” In other words, you can’t be punished for breaking a rule that doesn’t exist.

Parenting Tip: Play a game that is familiar to your child but drop all the rules. The player can do whatever he or she wants, whenever they want and for whatever reason. Discuss how the lack of rules equals chaos and that the rules are designed to make the game more fun for everyone. It is the same when playing the game of life. God designed us, knows what is best for us, and gives us a rulebook – the Bible. It is in our best interest to obey and live by His plan. (Durbin Parenting with Scripture p. 155)

Recently this young woman hosted a sleepover for some of the girls who adore her. The purpose was two-fold; she desired the girls to have fun, but there was more to it than that.

Her first objective was to turn their adoration of her into adoration for Jesus. When they looked at her, she wanted to point them to Him by inviting them into her life; this meant sharing her home, her time and her story. She took the time to listen to them, play games with them and study God’s word with them.

Secondly, she wanted to model to another young woman and three high school girls how to invest in the lives of others. She built into their lives and wanted to encourage them to turn around looking for younger girls to influence. Afterward, they were amazed at how their time, gifts and talents had so much impact. “Sisters in Christ” was the phrase being celebrated.

This was not a Vista event. It was not something I planned or initiated as the Kids Community Director. This young woman prayed about her influence and how she could turn it for Jesus with Vista girls. Lives and perspectives were changed by young women and girls living out Titus 2. I am hoping this example sparks more of us to pray and consider who is building into us and who we are building into. Wouldn’t it be great if more of these building moments took place in our homes, our church, our schools and neighborhoods?

Parenting Tip: We have asked two families in the church who did not have children to be “special friends” with our different children. They spend time together a few times a year. The idea is to put safe Christian adults in their lives that show Christ to them in a way we cannot as parents. Erin Bradshaw is Elisabeth’s special friend. Because of Erin’s building into Elisabeth’s life, Elisabeth now considers Erin’s daughter Kaitlyn to be her special friend. That’s the Titus 2 principle.

One of our holiday traditions includes sending Christmas cards to friends and family. Recently I ran into a friend who had received this year’s card. She thanked me for the card, and then said, “I smiled reading your note; you sound so happy.”

I thanked her and then rambled on, “I have my moments, but the kids help me appreciate the simple pleasures in life.” She then added, “Reading your note, I thought, she’s so happy and I’m so not. I wonder what her secret is.” I gave her an awkward smile, and then I bombed. This friend, a fellow parent and someone who is not saved, had given me the perfect opportunity to share the Gospel with her.

In my head, I silently shared, Jesus! Jesus is my secret. But I bombed. I don’t remember what exactly I said to her, but it wasn’t the Gospel. Shame on me.

Later that I day I was beating myself up, disappointed that I didn’t share Jesus with her, and that I didn’t trust I Corinthians 2:4 “my message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.” Why did I not rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to share the Gospel?

But God is merciful. And He was quick to remind me of the details of that card and note. In the note, I spoke of how God has blessed my family. I wished blessings upon her family, and I even included a personal invitation to our church’s Christmas program. No, I did not share the Gospel that day, but I shared my life with her. With a kind note and a gracious attitude, I lived to show Jesus in my heart. Only God knows my friend’s fate. I have been praying like crazy for her and her family. After all, her words, though few, said so much: she is so happy, and I am so not.

I pray that next time when I am given the opportunity to share Jesus, I trust the Holy Spirit, remembering that it is His power that delivers the message. Until then, I will continue to rely on God to help me through the daily battles of parenting, and to allow me to find happiness in simple earthly pleasures. I also pray that I live in such a way that other parents can see my secret . . . Jesus.

Gospel Tip: Write out a one page personal mission statement for 2010. Not so much a list of resolutions but a testimony to where God has brought you and how you plan to follow Him in 2010. It will make it easier to verbalize when you are in the situation described above.

This past Sunday, Tim Eisel and Scott Travis taught the parent equipping class for parents of 11-year-olds. They shared the Biblical perspective on money and some practical tips to help parents discuss money in their home. Did you know that 2,350 verses in the Bible talk about money? Clearly it is important to God how we talk to and teach our children about money.

It becomes a matter of simply being aware of how we talk and process thoughts about money: Is it ours or Gods? Do we have good limits and habits when spending, saving or giving money? Do we see our finances as a way to honor God and do His will on this earth?  Do we bow our needs and wants to His will for us? Are we willing to process these questions out loud in front of our children? If we do not, how will we ever expect them to believe they can trust Him with everything, including money?

Parenting Tip:

Younger children: Use the word choice to talk about money. Children are more apt to see money as a responsibility and a choice if we use those words. “We are choosing not to buy toys today, we are choosing to put our change in the red kettle for the Salvation Army because they help people; we choose not to pay for renting a movie when we have movies at home” etc. This is more helpful for them than “I’m not buying that” or “you can’t have that.”

Older children: Set up three jars labeled giving, saving and spending; kids like to see their progress in each area. Have them first put a portion away in giving and allow them to decide how to give to church and to God’s kingdom around the world. Talk about the blessings we get from giving, saving and spending according to the Bible.

Parenting Resource: Money Matters for Kids by Larry Burkett and K. Christie Bowler

Priorities by Mary Southerland of Girlfriends for God

Learn to leave the “lesser” things undone. This lesson is especially hard for me because I actually believe I can do it all. The key to Godly discipline and right priorities is learning what my “all” is and doing all of that; my trusty “Superwoman” cape is never far away.  Admittedly, it is a constant battle for me to ignore the presence of that cape, choosing to embrace and employ God’s priorities – not mine.  But it is definitely a battle worth fighting.  Families, marriages and souls are on the line.

A right perspective is the direct result of Godly discipline. In order to have right priorities, we must have right perspectives. Godly discipline brings a holy scrutiny to priorities and perspective: Does it really matter? Is it eternal? Will it impact lives for God?

Over the last few years, my husband and I have experienced the Lord transforming us by His word. Around the 7th year of marriage, we hit an all-time low, and neither of us could see how we were going to recover from such a dark place. Through a lot of hard work, prayer and encouragement of others, we slowly started walking out of the darkness. One thing we both began to do was turn to God and take Him at His word, despite how we were feeling and thinking.

As we began to replace our fears, anxieties, frustrations, lies etc. with the word of God, we began seeing our lives and marriage transform. We watched hope, peace, comfort, confidence, power and victory rise up in our hearts; we continue to press on. As a wife and mother, I’m thankful that we have the word of God to lean on to shape our family. I truly don’t know where we would be without the hope God brings through His Spirit and written word.

Lately, we have been praying Psalm 91 as a family as we combat the fears all around us. I encourage you to place your family’s name in this Psalm and begin praying/speaking this truth over your family daily. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!

Psalm 91:

_________ who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. _______will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely He will save _____ from the snare and from pestilence. He will cover _____ with His feathers, and under His wings will _____ find refuge; His faithfulness will be _____ shield and rampart. _____ will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 1000 may fall by _____ side, 10,000 at ______ right hand, but it will not come near _______…If ____ makes the Most High their dwelling – even the Lord, who is _____ refuge then no harm will befall ______, no disaster will come near. For He will command His angels concerning ______ to guard in all ways; they will lift _____ up in their hands, so that _____ will not strike a foot against a stone…”Because ____ love me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue _____; I will protect _____ for the acknowledgment of my name. _____ will call upon me, and I will answer _____; I will be with ______ in trouble, I will deliver _____ with honor. With long life will I satisfy ______ and show _____my salvation.

I remember being so excited as the day of my first son’s arrival came. The anticipation of having a little bundle to love and care for was almost overwhelming. However, I know now, that I was not completely prepared for all that motherhood entailed.

Within the first week of being home with my new baby, I quickly felt like I had no idea what I was doing.  During the late night feedings, a million diaper changes, and sleep deprivation I found myself wondering why the hospital neglected to give me the owner’s manual for this child. This is a question that I still find myself asking at times. (My boys are now 10 and 7.) Every time I think I have my boys figured out and I am getting this parenting thing down…we enter a new stage.

I have spent a lot of time reading parenting books in order to understand the job that I hold as a parent. I still have not found any book that offers a complete overview. However, in my search I have come to the realization that God has given me all the insight I need through His word. Although, the Bible does not tell me what to do if my little one throws a fit in the grocery store, or how many minutes a time out should be, the bible does give me Godly wisdom, encouragement, and the peace I need in those situations. I have learned to lean on this verse from James 1:5 (NIV)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,

who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I have prayed more times than I can remember (Honestly, this is a daily prayer for me) for God to give me wisdom regarding parenting. I will continue to read parenting books, and gain insight from others more experienced than myself. However, I know that I will not find the wisdom I need in any manual…I will find it in God’s word!