1. Understand that supporting your mate’s passions gives you the opportunity to build your partner up.  If you are having trouble doing this, perhaps it’s because you don’t have a passion of your own.  Do you?
2. Embracing your mate’s passions makes the relationship or marriage more interesting, well-rounded, and 3-dimensional.  When you are alone together, it widens the topics of conversation.
3. Supporting your partner’s passions enriches his or her self-esteem.  A relationship is only as strong at the self-esteem of the two people in it.
4. Remember this:  Sometimes your mate’s job or career doesn’t make his or her soul sing, but the passion/interest does.  Everyone deserves to have his or her soul sing.
5. If you’re married and you don’t support your partner’s passions, he or she will still pursue them, putting you both at risk of becoming married singles.

• Having said all this, it is important to support your mate in his or her passion, unless the passion becomes so  all-consuming that it puts the relationship at risk.  Balance is the key!  If you and your mate want to share in a joint passion, click here.

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Do:

1. Be kind.  If you know your mate has a weakness for ice cream or some other fatty food, make sure it’s out of the house, except for an occasional indulgence.
2. Pay attention to your partner’s efforts at weight loss and be his/her cheerleader, even if there is an occasional slip.  Notice what he or she is doing right rather than wrong.
3. Encourage exercising together or going to the gym at the same time.  It shows support.
4. If your mate is busy and tends to eat fast food, put the effort into making his or her lunch.
5. Make your partner’s health be your desire for weight loss rather than appearance.  As your mate drops the pounds, notice his or her appearance, but emphasize the health benefits.

Don’t:

1. Don’t sabotage your mate’s efforts by using tempting language, such as “Come on.  It’s just one piece.”
2. Don’t insist that junk food be kept in the house jut because you can eat it without weight gain.
3. Don’t be a “helicopter partner” and hover over your mate while he/she is on the scale.  Back off and give the person space.

To learn more concrete ideas on how to support your partner in weight loss, click here.

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1. If your mouth is moving, you can’t really be listening.  To truly listen to another person, you must stop talking.
2. Listen with your mind, as well as your ears.  Your mind has an agenda it wants you to stick with, but to really listen to someone, you have to set your agenda aside.  Don’t worry, you won’t forget what you want to say.  Be in the moment with the other person, and you can pick up your agenda when it’s your turn to talk.
3. Listen with your heart. Ninety-three percent of communication is nonverbal.  People are sending you messages all the time with their face, posture, tone, and energy field around them.  Feel all of these messages with your heart rather than your mind.
4. Nodding your head does not prove you are listening!  You’ve got to prove you are listening by giving the person, in your own words, a little bit of what you hear them saying.  ”So, are you saying …,” “It sounds like …” are wonderful phrases to use to let the person know you are “getting” him or her.
5. Do not give a solution without being asked for one!  You can ask, “Would you like advice?” but most of the time you’ll hear the person say, “No, I just need to vent” or “I just need to talk.”  Take your “fix-it” hat off and just follow the person’s train of thought and feeling.  Letting him or her know you’re along for the ride is often good enough.

To learn more about how to communicate in an optimal way, click here.

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1. Everyone’s body temperature is different.  Some like the bedroom hot; some like it cold.  If you or your mate is a freeze baby, consider bringing a hot water bottle to bed with you.  Slip it under the covers 5 minutes before going to bed and you or your mate will be toasty warm when first getting to bed.  Keep the hot water bottle within 3 inches of one of you, and it won’t matter if the windows are wide open.  Both you and your mate will feel comfortable.
2. Not everyone’s back is constructed alike.  Some like a hard mattress; some like a soft mattress. Investing in a good mattress that meets both your and your mate’s needs is so worth the money.  This is one area where you don’t want to skimp!
3. Space is so, so important in the horizontal life of a couple.  The size of a bed is something on which you and your mate must compromise.  Play it safe and go bigger than smaller.  If you both have ample stretching and flailing space, all will be well.  A king-sized bed may be the way to go.
4. We all have “pre-sleep” routines.  Agreeing on them is important.  If your routine is to watch TV, or work on your laptop or ipad, I recommend you unplug technology at least two nights per week.  The goal, in my opinion, is to add a techno-free night every month, until you go to bed without technology more than you go to bed with technology.
5. How you wake up can affect the beginning of your day.  You and your mate may not like to wake up the same way.  If one of you is averse to the sound of a loud alarm, you may want to look into getting a sunrise alarm.  This alarm simulates the rising of the sun by increasing light in your bedroom minutes at a time.  Although there is no audio, the visual affect is sure to awaken even the soundest of sleepers.

Whatever compromises you and your mate agree to, know that your investment in your horizontal life will pay off in a big way for your vertical life.  For more ideas on how to make your bedtime routine harmonious, click here.

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1. Do an inventory of other couples with whom you and your mate spend time.  I’m not saying you have to dump all your friends, but if you’ve been hanging with partners who tear each other down rather than build each other up, it’s time to re-evaluate your social circle. Toxic couples out, partners who like each other – and show it – in!
2. Make at least two nights a week “techno-free,” where for a couple of hours, you and your mate unplug yourselves from the iphone, ipod, ipad, laptop, tv, etc. and spend time doing something together.
3. Commit to having a “mini-moon” once a quarter.  This means every 3 months, you and your mate get away for 1 or 2 nights.  You need to get out of your daily environment once in awhile.
4. Go to bed together at the same time at least 3 nights per week.  Getting under the covers together at least 3 nights a week increases emotional intimacy.
5. Have a professional in the wings for when you have a problem that’s bigger than the both of you can handle.  Interview and hire a professional when you are getting along, so that when a problem occurs, that person is already in place.

For more great ideas on how to improve your marriage or relationship in the new year, click here.

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1. Be proactive!  Set the tone for the holidays by sending a card or e-mail ahead of the holiday saying how much you are looking forward to spending time with them.
2. Toast your in-laws at the holiday dinner.  Another option is to toast your mate and say how grateful you are for how your in-laws have raised him or her.
3. Incorporate one of your in-law’s holiday traditions into the celebration.
4. Ask for a holiday recipe from your mother-in-law and make it for the holiday dinner.
5. A general rule for the holidays or afterwards is to refrain from calling your in-laws only when you need them for something, like babysitting.  Sometimes call just to say, “Hi” or to invite them over.

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1. No matter your mood, you greet your pet in a positive, animated way.
2. You practice forgiveness with your pet. No matter whether your pet pees or poops in the house or tears up a favorite shoe, you are quick to forgive rather than hold a grudge.
3. You are free with physical affection toward your pet.  Your pet gets hugs, kisses, rubs, and sometimes full-body massages!

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Once the partners get on the same page, it’s time to talk to the kids.  Using a family meeting to discuss the adjustments facing the family is a wonderful way to introduce the tradition of consistent family meetings.  Kids may balk at first, but they will come to look forward to these family gatherings.  An important ground rule for the family meeting is to make sure there is something fun to talk about on the agenda.  If the family meeting becomes a venue for only problems, kids won’t buy into it.

One of the best things for parents to communicate to stepchildren is that their new stepdad or mom is not a replacement for their other biological parent.   Assigning the stepparent as the “adult in charge” in the absence of his or her mate, is a great way to let stepchildren know there are still family rules without the stepparent taking on a parental role.

To learn more valuable tips on how to integrate a stepparent into a family and a marriage, click here.

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1. Let go of perfection! No family is like the Brady Bunch or the Waltons.  Rather than perfect mashed potatoes or a moist turkey, focus on being grateful.
2.  Be proactive with your mate.  Talk about what you need help with a week before the holiday rather than the morning of it.  The flip side to that is to ask, “What can I help you with?” the week before rather than that morning.
3. Set time limits.  If you have family that tends to overstay their welcome, put time parameters around the holiday before the guests arrive.  If that doesn’t work, plan to see a movie – it clears the house every time.
4. Give a heads-up! If you want to stay for a limited time at a relative’s home, let your relative know ahead of time that you need to leave at a certain hour.
5. Know your limits.  If you can only bring one side dish to the meal, speak up, rather than agreeing to make 3 side dishes.
6. Avoid family gossip.  Leave the room if it starts.
7. Express gratitude for your spouse/partner.  If you’re saying a public prayer of thanksgiving, include your spouse in that prayer!

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So that you can prevent this from happening in your relationship, here are 6 warning signs of a troubled marriage:

1. If you and your mate’s conversations are largely about the logistics of living, pay attention!  Your marriage may be suffering.  You didn’t get married to talk only about who is picking up the kids, what’s on the grocery list, or who does laundry this week.
2. If you and our mate rarely laugh together, that’s a sign your life and perhaps your relationship, is getting too serious.
3. Are you and your mate spending less and less quality time together?  Are you busy doing your “own thing” most of the time.  It could be a sign!
4. Have you and your mate contracted “skin hunger?”  Are you not touching each other, except for an accidental bump here and there?
5. Are you and your partner going to bed at different times night after night?  Going to bed at different times on a regular basis is a warning sign that your marriage may be under stress.
6. Do you no longer like how you feel about yourself when you are with your mate?  This is the most damaging warning sign of all.  If this is the case, wake up!  Your relationship most likely needs help.  To learn other red flags in a relationship, click here

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