Kathy Dawson Relationship Coach

When You Can’t Afford to Get Divorced

Kathy Dawson — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:18:19 +0000

It can make a bad situation worse, or just maybe it can make it better. Can you imagine wanting to get divorced, but not being able to because you simply can’t afford it? This was the topic discussed during my appearance on WKYC Channel 3′s Good Company show last week. Between the cost of attorney fees, obtaining a new residence, the move, and the likelihood that you won’t make any money from the sale of your house, getting divorce could bankrupt you! So what to do? Below is a list of strategies to maintain your sanity and, in some cases, your safety:

If you are in an abusive situation, regardless of the financial strain, you need to seek safety. Most cities have organizations to help battered spouses and children. In Cleveland, The Domestic Violence Center and Women Safe are two such organizations. They have a 24/7 help hotline.
If safety isn’t a concern, work to minimize conflicts while under the same roof with your mate by identify each other’s hot buttons and avoiding them. For example, if your mate is not a morning person, avoid approaching him or her at that time of day. Assess when are the optimum times to interact.
Learn to let go of things that in the big scheme of things are not worth arguing about. For example, if your mate is neat and you’re not, you may need to let go of every thing being in its place.
If you have children, for the sake of their peace and sanity, keep your schedules as consistent as possible. It’s tough, but it will go a long way in reducing stress for everyone. Make your main goal to be civil to one another. Take the high road as often as possible.
If you are unemployed, this living situation will be a major motivator to find work. Keep up with your networking and resume building.

This situation is not forever, so show up as a grown up while you’re under the same roof. Through it all, you just might realize divorce may not need to be an option after all.

Technorati Tags: divorce, marriage, stress of divorce

Personalized Wedding Is Memorable

Kathy Dawson — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 20:19:11 +0000

My husband and I attended a very unusual family wedding this summer that we’ll always remember because of how the couple incorporated their values into their special day.

The ceremony was held on the groom’s parents’ property, which was once a 300-acre farm in upstate NY. This couple was married outside upon a hill that overlooked Vermont. Rose petals marked the grassy aisle the bride walked down to meet her soon-to-be husband, beyond which was a trellis that framed them as they exchanged their vows.

After a short, but memorable ceremony, all went behind the 19th century home and celebrated by dancing, drinking, and eating specialty pizza made from organic ingredients and baked in a brick oven the size of a large SUV.

As the sun set, candles were lit and guests sat on the hillside and listened to the sounds of a rock band. Stars began to shine as tents popped up on the property. It was truly Woodstockesque. May this couple continue to put their unique stamp on all that they do, as individuals and as a couple.

Technorati Tags: happy marriage, marriage, memorable wedding

Drama – Free Vacations!

Kathy Dawson — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:04:37 +0000

Is it possible to have a drama-free summer vacation? I answered that question during an appearance on Channel 3′s Good Company Show this morning. I made several suggestions to help you and your mate (with or without kids) reduce drama during your trip.

Meet as a couple or as a family at least one week before your vacation to make sure you are on the same page in the following areas:
Be clear on your vacation “theme.” Is the theme of your vacation relaxation or activity? If it’s a mix of both, be sure to understand how much relaxation and activity each person wants.
Talk about your food expectations. How much fine dining do you want to do? Do you want to cook on vacation? Would you rather dine casually the entire time?
Will this be a techno-free vacation or will you be bringing your laptop or Blackberry?
Have an exit plan. Make sure you exit your home to leave for your vacation in as calm and orderly way as possible. How you leave your home sets the tone for traveling.
If you are driving, avoid arguing while your motor vehicle is in motion! If you feel an argument coming on, pull over.
Have had a discussion with your mate in advance as to what your budget is for the trip. What you agree to spend on the vacation may help determine the trip’s theme and dining decisions.

BON VOYAGE!

Technorati Tags: couples on vacation, happy marriage, make marriage work

Right On, Terry Pluto!

Kathy Dawson — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:07:23 +0000

I can’t let anymore time go by without acknowledging the on-the-mark points Terry Pluto made in his Plain Dealer column this past Sunday. The title of his column is “Guidelines for Keeping Your Marriage on Solid Ground.” Here is a condensed version of some of the points he makes:

1. Build your marital house on rock, so when trouble comes it can’t be washed away.

2. If communication breaks down, a relationship can easily be reduced to exchanges about daily “stuff,” or it can collapse completely.

3. Is money spent on things you don’t need, only to impress people you don’t even know?

4. Talk/pray about any major financial decision before acting on it, even if you have to wait 24 hours before the purchase.

5. Look to yourself and to God to help you find happiness, rather than depending on your mate to create it for you.

6. Stop scorekeeping. Rather than complaining about what your spouse isn’t doing to help you, think about what you can do to help your spouse.

7. Criticize the action rather than the person. Phrases like, “It was a bad idea when you were late and didn’t call me,” work much better than, “You’re always late,” or “You never call.”

8. To the men, make eye contact with your wife when listening to her. To do otherwise shows you’re not listening.

9. To the women, give your husband time to decompress at the end of the day before telling him what needs to be done.

10. Find a service/ministry you and your mate can provide for others.

Technorati Tags: communication in relationship, happy marriage

Gores No More?

Kathy Dawson — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 19:30:15 +0000

Just heard the breaking news that Tipper and Al Gore are separated. They have 4 grown children and 40 years of marriage behind them and they are splitting. Granted, this may be a separation rather than a divorce. Still it’s a shocker.

I can remember Al planting what would have been a 10-second kiss on Tipper, had she let him. She pulled away before the second hand made it that far. Could there have been a sign way back then that trouble was brewing?

Can’t help but see the irony in that the Clintons, who were dragged through the mud for years with the Monica Lewinsky affair, are still together, and yet the Gores are the ones apparently having serious enough troubles that may lead to a permanent break.

The Gores strike me as people who wouldn’t make a quick, rash decision, so my guess is they have or will see a professional along the way. I’m sure we’ll hear about it.

Technorati Tags: divorce, long marriage in trouble

Long Distance Dining

Kathy Dawson — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:23:16 +0000

Many, many couples maintain a long distance relationship and it’s tough. Although there are more ways to connect today with the advent of technology, it is still a challenge to keep an emotional tie when life doles out so many distractions. I know a young couple who has come up with a creative way to utilize a particular tie that binds.

Because one of them is in Cleveland and the other is in Boston, they obviously can’t dine together. They haven’t let the distance issue stop them, however. Every once in awhile this couple will pick a restaurant they know has locations in Boston and Cleveland and order in from that restaurant. It turns out to be a dinner by phone rather than by candlelight, but it works for them as they feel a special bond while eating from the same restaurant. This idea of long distance dining is but one of the tools they use to help them stay connected over several states.

Technorati Tags: happy marriage, make marriage work

In the Doghouse

Kathy Dawson — Mon, 24 May 2010 18:36:21 +0000

Today in Cleveland’s Plain Dealer, Michael Heaton talks about how guys can avoid landing in the doghouse. He states two basic ways men can avoid getting into big, big trouble with their significant others. Way #1 is to initiate a call to their mate when they know they are going to be late or have to change plans. Immobilized in fear that they will get “yelled at,” guys often avoid being proactive. Wrong move! Heaton is right when he says that calling asap with a change in plans is the best choice a man can make.

Heaton says Way #2 for a guy to stay out of the doghouse is for him to admit when he’s made a mistake. Bingo! If a guy screws up and says, “I was wrong,” he automatically ratchets up his trustworthiness and integrity .

Technorati Tags: happy marriage, make marriage work

Acronym of Love

Kathy Dawson — Tue, 11 May 2010 02:12:56 +0000

I know a couple that, for years, has used an acronym to remind themselves of their love for one another. This code word shows up on notes, at the end of letters, and even on a brass puzzle-shaped key chain each of them carries, the two pieces of which join to make one. The acronym they use is “BARILY,” which means “Babe Always Remember I Love You.”

Over time, this couple’s three children broke the code. So when this acronym occasionally pops up here and there, it’s a reminder to these kids that their parents keep connected in their own special way. It’s amazing how a six-letter word that can’t be found in any dictionary can have so much meaning.

Technorati Tags: communication in relationship, happy marriage

Singing as a Team

Kathy Dawson — Thu, 06 May 2010 16:18:47 +0000

It’s a tradition. On our kids’ birthdays, my husband and I call them with a birthday greeting just early enough in the morning so that they’re a bit dazed and confused. Today is our daughter’s 22nd birthday and we kept to tradition.

With a raspy morning voice, she answers, “Hello?” Our cue. We belt out our traditional rendition of “Happy Birthday,” knowing she is lying in bed with eyes still shut, but with her mouth open in the shape of a smile. ”Thanks, guys,” she says. ”I’m going back to sleep.” Before ending the call, we say in unison, “We love you!” The call ends and we high-five one another for a job well done.

Technorati Tags: children, love

“Why Are You going on a Date?”

Kathy Dawson — Sun, 02 May 2010 23:31:20 +0000

I recently had a friend tell me her 8-year-old son took note of the fact that she and her husband were going on a date. This couple had not been on a formal date in years. In actuality, they had not been on a date since before their son was born. Recently, they have begun dating every week. This last week, as they were getting ready to go out for the evening, their son looked at them quizzically and said, “Why are you going on a date? Aren’t you married?”

At a young age, this child was already forming a sweeping perception based on his parents behavior: Married people don’t date. If this couple remains consistent in their dating, they will be able to quickly turn their son’s perception around so that he will forever remember that his married parents liked each other enough to want to spend time alone together. Now that’s an impression worth making!

Technorati Tags: dating, saving your marriage