Indecision on the design wall

Indecision on the studio floor

An internal negative narrative throws a pity party:

“I really have no idea what I’m doing.”

“(name of respected artist friend) will think this is stupid.”

“I did have some good ideas once but that well is dry.”

“I’m just rehashing old ideas.”

“I’m not really an artist.”

When I’m in this pathetic state, it’s reflected in what I’m trying to create. So I get stuck in a cycle:

1. Arising through that unsure-worried-about-what-others-will-think filter, an idea comes to mind and this idea has the whiff of desperation. (Nothing good follows from this -EVER)

2. But I think, ‘Eureka,this just might work!!!”

3. I throw up fabric on my design wall and sketch, frantically hoping some combo will jump out as “The One”.

4. It doesn’t. My award winning internal critic makes sure of that.

5. Rinse and repeat.

And then in some oddball moment (middle of the night, in the shower, sweeping the floor…), the solution/direction/choice bubbles up from that place of magic and inspiration and authenticity. And-kapowee!- I know it and feel it viscerally. “This really is “The One”!

And then it’s a JOY to move forward!  I’m excited and I’m driven and I’m happy. Maybe making art is all about chasing this elusive feeling.

So how does this shift (and (so far!) at some point it DOES shift)? How do I suddenly feel reconnected with what it is I want to be making? Boy, I wish I knew! Taking a break from a piece helps. Meditating helps. Looking back through old sketchbooks helps. Looking at other art helps.
Sometimes remembering the original tiny seed of an idea that got me to start the piece helps. That seed usually came from an authentic place.

What helps you when you’re stuck?

Cellscape II

Are you anywhere near southern Vermont or NH?

Cellscape II will be auctioned off at the Apple Blossom Gala Auction, on Friday May 10 which is put on by the amazing  Brattleboro Museum & Art Center. Proceeds will go to the museum’s education programs. I went last year and had a blast so I will definitely be there this year! Lots of wonderful, innovative art for auction, a good cause, great people, delicious food and a raucous wine tasting!

Cellscape II detail

My messy worktable

There is much joy for me at my worktable right now! There is also much mess.

These are colors I love to work with and see next to each other. A lot of the happiness that my art brings me has to do with small things like that.

What’s coming into being on my worktable will eventually be added as the “beneath” element in this new piece. Stitching added texture onto the felted surface is a blast,too. This section is partially stitched.

Beneath II-in progress

I’m contemplating using the light orange variegated thread in the stitching so it’s hanging there-auditioning. Decisions like this are sometimes hard for me…

Remember all that avocado dyeing and felting texture over prefelt? Well here’s the result:

Beneath I

I mostly made up a construction technique (although that’s too fancy a word for my bumbling around). I found much freedom and looseness in cutting and piecing the felt together. Very forgiving! I love the emphasis on texture that a monochromatic palette provides, the ease of pushing a 3-D quality into the work and the juxtaposition between the wool and the shimmery charmeuse silk.

Beneath I (detail 1)

This is the first of a series (I just started dyeing and felting for the next piece) around the concept of “beneath”-which to me broadly encompasses exploring what’s just beneath a complex surface-whether it be of a cell, a skin or a feeling.

Beneath I (detail 2)

Let me know what you think…

yummy texture 1

These are two different felted surfaces next to each other for contrast. You see pencil roving, merino fibers, bombyx silk (amazing stuff) and tiny felted balls called “nebs”. (hint: put your nebs in an old piece of socking to dye. Otherwise: neb chaos!) These were all dyed together with the underlying prefelt but took up the dye with enough variation that subtle lovely differences in value resulted.
Here’s my design wall with the four finished felt pieces. They look like pelts from a Dr. Seuss menagerie.

Four felted pelts

The third one in is nuno (base of silk gauze). You can see the more translucent open spaces that I have plans for…

By the way, I’m now a no-roll wet felter. Life’s too short.
I use a technique that uses a cool dryer instead. On a prefelt base, each piece was fully felted after 10-15 minutes in the dryer. If you wet felt and hate the rolling part, check this out:

One more close up:

Yummy texture 2

Avocado Dyeing Drying

Guess what color I’m going to felt?
Very interesting seeing how different fibers ( wool bat, wool prefelt, silk bombyx, silk hankies, silk gauze, alpaca yarn and raw curly cotswald wool) all took up the dye differently and created just what I wanted… subtle variations of hue. I only used Avocado and Sun Yellow acid dye. Another experiment was dyeing wool “nebs”-tiny little specks of raw wool that are the result of some step in wool processing. Lots of possibilities for those little buggers. So I tied them in a silk gauze bundle and threw them into the dye pot. Needless to say there were many escapees some of whom attached themselves to other pieces of fiber.

I figure it just created even more opportunities for complex texture when I felt it (later this week)!
 

Fiber to Dye

SO many enticing and varied choices of fibers! I stuck to buying only undyed fiber which helped me focus but I couldn’t resist the potential possibilities of combining various dyed-together fibers and the richly textured felt I might be able to create.

Emphasis on “might”. I’m venturing into dyeing and using wet felt methods combining pre-felt, bat, silk fibers and possibly cotton cording. I will most likely need to expect a few disasters initially.

First dye session on Sunday with my amazing fiber buddy, Kris.

Something about seeing the deliberate textural lines got my ideas and creative juices a-flowing! I think it’s the intersection of my quest to find new ways to use fiber to create the organic lines and patterns in my head and the possibilities of being more deliberate in forming varied felted textures. I can’t wait to get some time and space to  play around.

AND did I mention that she raises her own sheep for the wool to felt AND grows the flowers to use in her natural dyeing.
That all does leave me feeling woefully inadequate…

But this time the bubbles were not so forthcoming. Perhaps creating the commission and all the negotiating that entailed had knocked me off balance?

I tried my usual jump start techniques. I drew some. I sorted fabric. I looked at other art. Nada.

Finally I forced myself to just start with much less of a vision in my head. Risky business. I did know I wanted to use some beautiful green silks and some  gold/ green/ orange nuno felting I’d dyed and created for the commission but which didn’t make the cut.

After a month of “beginning”, I think this piece is starting to find a direction:

November 2012 work in progress

November 2012 detail-work in progress

I start stitching today. I have a rough idea how I’ll use the nuno felt and some mulberry embroidery thread will also find its way in.

We’ll see where this goes…

DHMC solo show 1

DHMC solo show 2

The rotunda  is at a bright open crossroads for many of the wings of this huge medical complex. Above the exhibit :

above

It’s a stunning exhibit space overlooking the main lobby two floors down. DHMC has an arts program with a dedicated director who rotates the artwork in numerous spaces every three months. This goes a long way to reducing any clinical feel to the center. What a wonderful use for art!

from across the rotunda

My special thanks to my friend, Kris McDermet who tirelessly helped with the hanging and the gelato eating afterwards.

The exhibit will be up through November.