We were treated like queens for a day by the lovely PTA Chair, Joanne Powell and the Head of the girls’ school, Mrs. Robinson (whom we met at the GSA conference last year).

Between talks, we were able to take in a bit of culture. We went to Sefton to see Anthony Gormley’s Another Place – a series of 100 cast-iron, life size figures spread along the beach. Then we went to see Richard Wilson’s Turning the Place Over, which turns a cut-out of the side of a building in Liverpool’s city centre inside out, and then the fabulous Walker Art Gallery.

It was a great day altogether. Thank you so much Merchant Taylors’ for inviting us.

The idea of talking to a huge hall, full of prep school heads was daunting, but they were all so incredibly kind and welcoming that we enjoyed ourselves enormously.

The requests for us to speak at prep schools have been flowing in ever since. A big thank you to the head teachers who have already booked us for their schools – we’re looking forward to seeing you again. And thank you to Larraine Curzon for organising such a wonderful event.

Saturday, 19 September, 2009 2pm tbc

Celebrating 30 Years of Women at Magdalen

Magdalen College

Oxford, OX1 4AU

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Thursday 24th September, 2009, 2.30pm

IAPS Conference (Independent Association of Prep Schools)

Plenary speech

Hotel de France, St Helier, Jersey, Channel Islands, JE17XP

Title: Leading Parents: Power and Persuasion – How to get Parents on Your Side in Challenging Times

***

Wednesday, 7 October, 2009

Merchant Taylors’ School

Crosby, Liverpool, L23

2 talks, afternoon and evening, times TBA

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Friday, 16 October, 2009 , 11.20am

St Paul’s Girls’ School

Brook Green

London W6 7BS

Title: How to Manage Your Relationship with Your Parents

***

Friday, 13 November, 2009, 1-2pm

Boutique de Noel

Kensington Town Hall

Hornton St.

Kensington W8 7NX

Title: Managing Your Children During the stresses of Christmas – 7 Simple Solutions

Please join us. All are welcome, so come with friends!

There is an entry fee into the event at the Town Hall in aid of the Junior League of London, but our talk is free.

***

Tuesday, 17 November, 2009, 12.30-1.30

Citibank

33 Canada Sq, Canary Wharf, London, E14 5LB

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

It was such a pleasure to introduce so many enthusiastic, entertaining speakers.

Hope to see you there next year, see the Northmoor Trust website for details.

Please see Meet Karen and Georgia – updated autumn dates 2009 for our latest information.

Here’s an updated list of all our autumn 2009 talks, workshops, signings and special events. We’ll also be selling signed copies of our books at a discounted price.

Saturday, 19 September, 2008

Celebrating 30 Years of Women at Magdalen

Magdalen College

Oxford, OX1 4AU

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Wednesday–Friday, 23-25 September, 2009

IAPS Conference (Independent Association of Prep Schools)

Plenary speech

On Jersey

Title: Leading Parents: Power and Persuasion – How to get Parents on Your Side in Challenging Times

***

Wednesday, 7 October, 2009

Merchant Taylors School

Crosby, Liverpool

2 talks, times TBA

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Friday, 16 October, 2009

Saint Paul’s Girls’ School

Brook Green

London W6 7BS

Title: How to Manage Your Relationship with Your Parents

***

Friday, 13 November, 2009, 1-2pm

Boutique de Noel

Kensington Town Hall

Hornton St.

Kensington W8

Title: Managing Your Children During the stresses of Christmas – 7 Simple Solutions

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

There is an entry fee into the event at the Town Hall in aid of the Junior League of London, but our talk is free.

***

Tuesday, 17 November, 2009

Citibank

33 Canada Sq, Canary Wharf, London

12.30-1.30

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

A child who refuses to do what you say can drive a perfectly sane parent right up the wall. When you’re heading off to school and the weather is appalling, asking him to put on his coat is perfectly reasonable. No big deal. It’s the obvious next step.

But if he doesn’t agree, you’ve got a problem. We all know that feeling of rising panic and frustration when you’re running out of time. Coaxing doesn’t work, he’s refusing to listen, and you can’t do a thing about it. You’re left standing there, blood pressure rising, wondering how the hell you’re going to get out of this one.

Saying ‘No’ is a trump card for children. They get instant attention and we are held totally to ransom. Whether he refuses to put on her coat, eat his vegetables, or clear the table, it gets right up our noses. Think of Gandhi and his non-violence, striking miners, and Aung San Suu Kyi, leader of the Burmese opposition party. By doing nothing, they drove the authorities wild.

It’s so easy to rise to the bait, lose your temper, and threaten punishments. Sometimes it works. If you get angry enough your child might do what you say. But you’re likely to throb with guilt afterwards, and you can stir up all kinds of resentment. Or you can try bribery. Either way, you are left with that lurking thought, what am I going to have to resort to next time?

Sometimes the stress can work the other way. You want to be nice. You can’t face the confrontation. So when your child says, ‘No!’ you crumple like a wet dishrag. You let him get away with it. He runs the show with his dreadful behaviour, and you know full well he’ll pull this trick again.

So what can you do when your child refuses to do what you say?

• Pause – If you are about to blow up, take a deep breath and zip your lip. You may win this battle by shouting, but you lose the war. So walk into the next room, run your hands under the cold tap, jump up and down. Do whatever it takes so you can return to the room as though nothing has happened. “What were we talking about? Oh, yes. Time to put your coat on.”

• Tune-In – Acknowledge your child doesn’t want to do something. It sounds counterproductive, but this little miracle technique helps melt resistance. “Sounds like you don’t want to put on your coat,” often stops the moaning. You are not saying he can duck out, only acknowledging he doesn’t feel happy about it. When children feel understood, they often stop fussing. He might even move on and tell you what’s really bugging him, “It’s the horrible music teacher today.”

• Explain how you feel – Be matter of fact. “I’m worried you’ll be cold because it’s so horrible outside,” is much more likely to get results than, “Put on this coat NOW because I SAY SO.”

• Praise – Point out anything that is going right, however small. Saying, “Well done! You’re nearly ready,” is far more encouraging than, “Why the hell haven’t you got your coat on yet?”

If none of this works, ask yourself, should I let this one go? Does this one really matter? If he gets cold and wet once, he’ll learn the hard way to wear his coat without you saying another thing. But if you aren’t happy with the drama, decide that this is one of those things you can work on later, when the heat of the moment has passed and you are both a bit more rational.

• Sort it out – So the same thing doesn’t happen next time. Later on, maybe at bedtime, give him a hug and apologise for anything you are feeling guilty about. Then ask him what you can both do next time, so there won’t be an argument. If you are both calm, he’ll probably have some good ideas, and be receptive to yours. You’ll probably get an apology, too.

Last word from Karen

All of my children have gone through a bolshy stage. I discovered by accident that pausing and doing nothing can work miracles. Half the time I couldn’t think what the hell to do. I used to stand there, looking gormless, with my mouth hanging open and lo and behold they’d start doing what I’d asked.

Last word from Georgia

If I’ve got too much on my plate, I can go from Supermother to the Great Dictator in 0-60 seconds. It’s a lot easier to deal with a stroppy child when I’m not feeling stressed.

Wednesday, 3 June, 2009, 6-7:30pm

Daylesford Organic, Notting Hill

208-212 Westbourne Grove

London W11 2RH

Title: ‘I HATE Vegetables!’ 7 Simple Steps to Healthier Eating and a Happier Atmosphere at the Table

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

Ring (020) 7313 8050 to book your tickets.

***

Monday, June 8, 2008, 8pm

St. Mary’s Church Hall

Corner of Edith Road and Hammersmith Road

London W6

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

We’ll be speaking to the Brook Green Union of Catholic Mothers.

***

Friday, 19 June, 2009, 2-3:30pm

Daylesford Farm Shop

Daylesford, Gloucestershire, GL56 0YG

Title: ‘I HATE Vegetables!’ 7 Simple Steps to Healthier Eating and a Happier Atmosphere at the Table

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

Ring (01608) 731 700 to book your tickets.

***

Saturday and Sunday, 27-28 June, 2009, 10am-6pm

The Children’s Food Festival

Northmoor Trust

Hill Farm, Little Whittenham

Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4QZ

Title: ‘I HATE Vegetables!’ 7 Simple Steps to Healthier Eating and a Happier Atmosphere at the Table

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

We will be compering in the Q&A tent all day both days and speaking on Saturday (time tba).

***

Monday, 29 June, 6-7:30pm 7:00-8:30pm

Holland Park Pre-Prep School and Nursery

5 Holland Road

London W14

Title: How to get your children to eat vegetables.

Having a picky eater deserves an entry in the parent’s worst nightmare hall of fame. We are not surprised it is getting to you. When you think your child isn’t eating properly it’s hard not to panic. It’s not uncommon for otherwise sane parents to completely obsess about what their child is eating, forever keeping a mental tally of what’s going into his mouth, and resorting to almost anything to get him to eat.

It is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult situations to extract yourself from emotionally. After all, from the moment he’s born, your bottom line responsibility is to make sure your child survives, and to do that he’s got to eat. It’s instinctive, it’s innate, and when he won’t, it taps right into your primal fears.

If you are afraid he isn’t eating enough, it’s so easy to get into the habit of coaxing and nagging him at mealtimes, or giving in and letting him eat junk. The more you worry, the more you transfer your own stress onto him. You don’t mean to do it, but if you give him attention for being picky, you entrench the problem. Though it sounds risky, it works much better the other way round: the less you worry and the less you pay attention to how much he is eating, the more he is likely to eat.

We aren’t saying this is going to be easy, especially if your child is small for his age. We can already hear your panic bells ringing. But he can’t eat bread and jam forever. Your goal is to take back control of what he eats, by providing him with good, healthy food, but to give him control over how much of it he eats. Here are five tips to help you through it:

• Pause and keep your own panicky emotions away from the table.

Do whatever it takes to back off. Stop clocking every bite he takes out of the corner of your eye, and don’t make comments or try to coax him to eat. The less attention you give him for not eating, the better. Tell yourself that taking the pressure off isn’t going to be a disaster. Even if he is thin, he isn’t going to starve if he skips a couple of meals. When he is hungry, he’ll eat.

• Tune Into his feelings about food.

If you accept there are some foods he doesn’t like, he might stop complaining about them faster. He may even try them next time. We know this sounds strange, but it works.

Child:

I hate shepherd’s pie. I’m not eating it!

Parent:

You don’t like shepherd’s pie.

Child:

I said I HATE shepherd’s pie!

Parent:

Oh. You absolutely hate it. You loathe it, you wish it wasn’t on the table, and you don’t want to eat it.

Don’t cave in and rescue him by whipping the shepherd’s pie away and preparing something else, and you don’t need to say you are never going to serve it again. Just acknowledge what he says when he tells you he doesn’t like something.

• Give Your Child Attention for Something Else at the Dinner Table.

Don’t be surprised if your child tries to drag you back into a power struggle. He is used to being the focus of attention at the table, and it will take him a bit of time to get used to the new regime. So instead of focusing on your child’s eating, or not eating, focus on your child himself. It makes for a much nicer atmosphere, and he is likely to eat far more on his own if there is a happier atmosphere at the table.

I saw that goal you made today. It was great.

Have you got any ideas what you’d like to do this weekend?

• Feed Your Child Good Food.

Put only good healthy food on the table, so even if he only eats three mouthfuls he’s getting some of the nutrients he needs. Don’t serve junk and try not to keep it in the cupboard. He’ll only fill up on it later.

Bribing with pudding is another nightmare. Do yourself a favour and don’t go there. Instead, put fruit out, like sliced mangos and blueberries, and let him help himself if he wants some. Even if he hasn’t eaten a jot of dinner, the fruit is full of vitamins.

• Don’t label him a Picky Eater.

Don’t talk about how badly he eats, however worried you feel. If he overhears, that is how he will see himself, too.

Only after the power struggle has ended, you’ve stopped focusing on whether your child is eating or not, and you no longer have that toxic desperate edge to your voice, can you casually say things at the dinner table like,

I wish everyone would eat some green things.

Remember, if they choose not to have any, just leave it. The last thing you need is get sucked back into a drama about it.

Final Word From Georgia and Karen:

We’ve found the happiest tables are those where the food is placed the middle and everyone is allowed to help themselves. There is generally a good atmosphere, and with no pressure the children usually tuck in to a nice variety of what’s on offer.

Very occasionally young children need help with more serious food issues. If you are concerned your child falls into this camp, ring the Eating Disorders Association Youth Helpline on (01603) 765 050.

Wednesday, 3 June, 2009, 6-7:30pm

Daylesford Organic, Notting Hill

208-212 Westbourne Grove

London W11 2RH

Title: ‘I HATE Vegetables!’ 7 Simple Steps to Healthier Eating and a Happier Atmosphere at the Table

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

Ring (020) 7313 8050 to book your tickets.

***

Monday, June 8, 2009, 8pm

St. Mary’s Church Hall

Corner of Edith Road and Hammersmith Road

London W6

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

We’ll be speaking to the Brook Green Union of Catholic Mothers.

***

Friday, 19 June, 2009, 2-3:30pm

Daylesford Farm Shop

Daylesford, Gloucestershire, GL56 0YG

Title: ‘I HATE Vegetables!’ 7 Simple Steps to Healthier Eating and a Happier Atmosphere at the Table

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

Ring (01608) 731 700 to book your tickets.

***

Saturday and Sunday, 27-28 June, 2009, 10am-6pm

The Children’s Food Festival

Northmoor Trust

Hill Farm, Little Whittenham

Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4QZ

Title: ‘I HATE Vegetables!’ 7 Simple Steps to Healthier Eating and a Happier Atmosphere at the Table

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

We will be compering in the Q&A tent all day both days and speaking on Saturday (time tba).

***

Saturday, 19 September, 2008

Celebrating 30 Years of Women at Magdalen

Magdalen College

Oxford, OX1 4AU

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Wednesday–Friday, 23-25 September, 2009

IAPS Conference (Independent Association of Prep Schools)

Plenary speech

On Jersey

Title: Leading Parents: Power and Persuasion – How to get Parents on Your Side in Challenging Times

***

Wednesday, 7 October, 2009

Merchant Taylors School

Crosby, Liverpool

2 talks, times TBA

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Friday, 9 16 October, 2009

Saint Paul’s Girls’ School

Brook Green

London W6 7BS

Title: How to Manage Your Relationship with Your Parents

***

Tuesday, 17 October November, 2009

Citibank

33 Canada Sq, Canary Wharf, London

12.30-1.30

Title: 7 Simple Ways to be a Better Parent

***

Friday, 13 November, 2009, 1-2pm

Boutique de Noel

Kensington Town Hall

Hornton St.

Kensington W8

Title: Managing Your Children During the stresses of Christmas – 7 Simple Solutions

Please join us. All are welcome so come with friends!

There is an entry fee into the event at the Town Hall in aid of the Junior League of London, but our talk is free.