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Every day I drive past this thing, I think that dating a model is sometimes overrated. Models who pose for the photos of pain and anguish may not be my cup of tea.

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Last week the entire internet was swooning over a 9-year-old girl who told the CEO of McDonald’s to stop tricking kids into wanting to eat Happy Meals.  While I like when Kids Say the Darndest Things, I don’t find it amusing when Kids Say the Darndest Things Their Parents Told Them To Say. The girl’s mom is not only worse than Honey Boo-Boo’s Jabba-the-Hut-like parental unit, she is busy raising a horrible person.

Yes, that person who at best writes for Salon.com and such, complaining about comedians whose jokes she deems offensive, or, if less lucky, is a mommy-blogger shilling for free organic soy milk samples and laundry detergent coupons. The person who is always willing to stand up and fight for any cause she pulled out of nowhere 30 minutes before. The person who always knows that someone is to blame for whatever it is that they themselves are doing. It may be hard to see that in a 9-year-old girl, but years of my imaginary research into child rearing show that most character traits are formed well before then.

Here is a third grade math problem: A Happy Meal costs $4.50. How many Happy Meals can a 9-year-old child purchase if she doesn’t have a car or money? Take your time, I’ll wait.  I hope your answer is the same as mine.

Through painstaking and sometimes painful trial and error, I was able to raise a new kind of a child – a child who doesn’t eat fast food, doesn’t ask for it, doesn’t crave it and turns it down when offered. All I had to do to achieve that was saying “you’ll be fine” when she asked for it. That and describing fast food in the most vile of the limited number of adjectives in my vocabulary (primarily “crappy”). Turns out the old Russian saying “Want it? Un-want it!” can’t be elegantly translated in English; “Get over it” is close enough. If you like to get more creative how about an old standby “If an ad told you to jump of the cliff…”.

So here we are 16 years later and surprisingly no one has died of longing for fast food; despite all the commercials we have no beef with McDonald’s Corporation and Mr. McDonald himself. I know he tried his best. Interestingly, there are other things commercials want you to do that you really don’t have to:

• When medicine commercials tell you to “talk to your doctor about it” after rapidly reciting a list of deadly side-effects, feel free not to mention it next time you see your physician.
• When a commercial says “closed course, professional driver”, they are really talking about you on an Interstate. Try it on the way to work.
• When a commercial says “results may vary”, they are clearly talking about someone else.

Despite what you may think, a TV or printed ad is not a call to action. As one of the President Bush’s used to say, you are the decider, not your child, not Count Chocula or Chester Cheetah, not even (dare I say it) Ron Popeil.  And no one needs to parade their child around for free publicity, giving her the wrong idea about how things work in life. That’s why the CEO of McDonald’s instead of trying to be cute should’ve said: We may market to children, but it’s you, the parents, who keep bringing your kids to us and feeding them our crap instead of making or buying them a normal meal and a 50-cent toy once in a while.

And if you did that, 20 years from now your daughter’s coworkers, friends and future family would thank you for not raising her an unbearable horrible person. You may still have a chance to get this fixed.

The post How Not To Raise A Horrible Person appeared first on Kansas City With The Russian Accent.

In light of the situation in Moore, OK, I feel I have no choice but to load up Wilma and serve those who have lost everything. Although it is a valid decision personally, it’s financial suicide for my business. In route I’ll be setting up a Paypal account for anyone who would like to partner with me. I’ll post more info as I can.

Also, if anyone out there has contact #’s for anyone who can help me get close to those folks who really need a free meal, let me know.

And as always, be praying for those who have suffered such great loss.
I’ll be in touch.

Even though we all have heard the announcements about not attempting to rush to help in person and just wiring the money to Red Cross, I knew we wouldn’t be able to talk Brett out of going. His personal update last night said it all (I hope he forgives me for sharing it):

My brain is on fire tonight. I remember when the tornado hit Joplin a couple of years ago, and I was disappointed that Wilma wasn’t done yet. I vowed that the next time something like this happened, I would do my best to help with feeding those who have lost everything. I don’t think I have any choice but to load up Wilma and go to Moore, OK in the morning, although I can’t afford it, and I will piss off valuable customers whom I have made promises to. But that’s how God made me, I can’t help it. My desire to help those in need trumps my bank account. Please help me pray for clarity while I decide what to do.

I don’t think trying to help people in a devastated area should crush a man’s business. Brett is a nice, upstanding guy who is trying to do what he thinks is right. Many helpful hands are headed to or already are in Oklahoma. Brett’s hand will be the one handing out a hot tasty sandwich from all of us in Kansas City.

If you have some change sitting in your Paypal account from selling some junk on eBay 3 years ago, or just feel like buying lunch for someone you don’t know, please consider dropping few bucks into the Paypal account Brett set up for that purpose  (click the button at the bottom of the site). In addition, all the ad revenue from my site for the month of May will be also deposited into Brett’s account.

I hope our neighbors in Oklahoma will like Wilma’s as much as we do here and it will be able to brighten up their day even if for a bit. Please share either this post or the site with the donation button (for some reason I can’t copy it here) with your friends.

I know Brett’s Mom is really proud.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb_i_48TgpU

*very free translation mine.

A little brown button was lying on the road,
And no one had noticed it in tons of brown dust.
A bunch of bare feet was stomping on that road,
A bunch of tanned and bare feet by little button passed.

The boys walked in a crowd all from a distant village,
Alyosha walked behind all and raised the most dust.
On purpose or by accident, he couldn’t tell for sure,
He stepped on little button, and stopped in place aghast.

“This button don’t look ours!” – cried out all the children.
“And weird foreign letters are written very large!”
To border patrol station they raced like wild horses
To show little button to someone who’s in charge.

“Please show me exactly,” – told them commander strictly
And opened map of border he right in front of troop.
He asked the name of village and brown dusty road
Where little boy Alyosha felt button with his foot.

Four days they wasted looking for man on every road,
Four days they looked for him, forgetting any sleep
On fifth day the had found the evil-looking stranger
And gave him very thorough search like very very deep.

They found button missing on enemy’s back pocket!
A button wasn’t present on foreign baggy pants.
And deep inside the pocket – the cartridge from revolver,
A map of Soviet border and other secret plans.

Patrolmen praised the children for bravery and courage
And then the border captain shook all of their hands
They gave the children rifle checkpoint had in storage
And little boy Alyoshka was given drum for bands.

That’s how it’s protected, the Soviet sacred border.
And no evil bastard well ever get inside!
Alyoshka kept the button, because he is a hoarder.
A little brown button with praise and lots of pride!

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