Just One Single

Keeping Busy in Fantasy Land

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 01:30:00 +0000

I thought I would drop by and let you know what I've been up to -- writing, of course. My new novel, Dark Persuasion, is in editing. I finished it a few weeks ago topping out at 83,000 words. If you'd like more information, please feel free to visit my blog at Dark Persuasion Nove l and read about the book and background.

Also, I hope you enjoy my beautiful cover designed by Robin Ludwig Design and capturing the handsome model, Jimmy Thomas, who owns RomanceNovelCovers.com.

On top of having a blog, I also started a book storyboard on Pinterest. If you'd like to follow along with the visuals, you will find me there.

Needless to say, writing fills the emptiness in my life. It's a source of deep joy for me. Frankly, it's the only thing that gets me excited. It gives me purpose. It builds my self-esteem. We all need something to fill the void. The opportunity to fantasize and write love stories is a type of therapy for me. I don't write easy stories, though, because I've never had it easy when it came to love. I write about people in times past who are faced with challenges to overcome. Life is what it is--not always easy or sugar coated.

In any event, I hope you'll visit my new sites and come along and enjoy the ride. The book is scheduled for release this summer, and I'll keep you advised.

All my best to my single friends. I hope you are well. From the bottom of my heart, I encourage you to follow your dreams, even if it means you have to walk it alone in life. Each of you have gifts, desires, and dreams of your own. Until the next romance sparks in your life, turn your focus to the things that make you a wonderful and unique individual.

All my best,

Vicki

For My Peeps! Happy Valentine's Day.

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:10:00 +0000

The Valentine's Post

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:30:00 +0000

Every year about this time I post on or near Valentine's day. I always have something to say about the holiday that I have not participated in for the past 12 years with a significant other. Frankly, I should make that 15 years, since three of the last years of my marriage held no wonderful memories of Valentine's either.

The most memorable I've had in 12 years is getting a pedicure with a girl friend, sipping champagne, going out to dinner, and a movie. That was our single Valentine days.

This year I don't have much to say, however, I do have something to share. This article is frankly RIGHT ON, as far as I'm concerned, about the state of affairs when it comes to love in our society.

Take a moment, click the link and read it. I think you'll enjoy and probably agree that Love Hurts More Than Ever Before. Blame the Internet and capitalism.

Washing Away the Past

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 04:47:00 +0000

I love New Years. It's my favorite holiday of all, because this holiday gives me a great gift -- the ability to wash away the past year and start anew. I'm happy to have the wave wash ashore and erase 2011. For me, it was a year of challenge and stress.

My journey started with my 18-month-old granddaughter coming into my life. For 10 months, I was her caretaker. It was wonderful getting to know her, but the single most difficult task to undertake at my age. There is a reason God gives toddlers to those in their twenties. It's not for those in their sixties. It goes against nature.

With her came the germs from day care that turned into a bout of pneumonia and too many colds and intestinal revenges to count. When summer arrived, I tripped and broke my shoulder. Try lifting a toddler to change a diaper with a broken shoulder. It's not fun. Then all the stress threw my thyroid into a tizzy from too fast to too slow. I'm waiting for it to make up its mind which end will win.

Beyond my granddaughter came financial challenges, stress at work, and dealing with worry over the choices those close to us make. My ex-husband showed up on my doorstep this fall, and I took him into my home and gave him a place to sleep while he was traveling. He made promises of help to me; he once again broke promises to me. Now he's off finding himself again half way across the world from another recent divorce. I doubt he'll find anything. Then I signed up for the free weekend on eHarmony once again like a dummy, and not one freebie talked to me. You'd think I'd learn!

However, on the positive side, the one thing that gives me joy in life -- my writing -- went well. I released three books under my own imprint. I gave away over 6,000 free downloads for one on Amazon last week, and sold more of my other three books than ever before. Not enough to quit my day job, but enough to give me a sense of accomplishment. If it wasn't for writing and people telling me they enjoy my stories, I'd really curl up into a fetal position and just stay there sucking on my thumb.

The year has been interesting to say the least; and frankly, I'm glad it's washed away. It hasn't been one of my favorites. The Mayans, of course, tell us 2012 is supposed to be no better. All I can say is, if the world does end, at least one good thing will come out of it. I get to leave all my credit card debt behind.

Nevertheless, I'm trying to prepare for a future. I'm looking to buy a condo. Can't afford much, but I can't afford the rising rents in my area either. Hopefully, I'll pound two more books out. That's probably more than I can do, but I'll try anyway. My granddaughter is supposed to come back and visit in May for six months. Not sure if I'll be on another six-month stint doing granny care or not. I'll have to see.

I do hope, though, things settle down somewhat. It seems that I'm not alone in my problems as far as struggles over the past year. Many of my Facebook friends and those at work have faced a challenging 2011 too. Maybe 2011 is suppose to toughen us up for 2012. Whatever. I suppose I could say, "bring it on." However, I'd rather say give me a break instead.

In all my petty troubles that seem to loom so large in my vision, I can't forget the thousands who have suffered worldwide in 2011 from natural disasters, wars, hunger, and homelessness. Even though we often hurt, there are those who hurt much worse and have lost everything, including their lives. To remember the souls who truly washed away in 2011, brings perspective to our own momentary little irritants of life.

Wishing you all a wonderful 2012. May your new year be filled with peace and happiness. Of course, above all, I wish you find the love that you're seeking or otherwise the continued strength to go it alone as a single human. Whatever your lot may be, hopefully grace will be your portion throughout the coming year.

Sincerely,
Vicki

Is It My Thyroid or Is It My Heart?

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The other night I put on The Holiday, which is a Christmas-type movie. Frankly, I love it. One woman crying because the man she loves is engaged to another, and she bemoans her singleness ("Single. I hate my horrible life.") The other one breaks up with an unfaithful boyfriend and calls herself a "loser, loner, and complicated wreck." Why do I laugh over those lines? Maybe it's some kind of sick release I find inside watching the heartache of others - even if it's just a movie.

Of course, each of the women find a happy ending and love. Jude Law I'd probably do on a one-night stand myself. Shocking, I know. He's such an English doll face. As far as the scenery, you can keep the mansion in LA and give me the cottage in Cotsworth. My English fantasy--living in England, inside a quaint country cottage, writing books all day long.

Nevertheless, every time I pull that movie out, which is usually yearly as the holidays come closer, I pop my popcorn, get my glass of Merlot, and sit in my recliner. Then I watch the movie and people fall in love. However, at the end of it last Sunday night, I felt profound pain in my soul. I don't know how to describe it, except it was a huge chasm in my chest that led to a dark, empty space inside. There have been times I've hurt profusely over my loneliness but never like this.

I cried when Cameron Diaz finally cried again (you'll have to watch it if you don't get that statement), and she realized that she was really in love. What a gift! Another soul to love you.

This November I face my 12th year without a mate. Twelve years of an empty bed and lack of intimacy, which frankly, I think, is damn right cruel. Nevertheless, I keep breathing. I keep living. I keep writing my stories so other women fall in love with my characters and books. Is that my lot in life--to feed other lonely women with romantic what if's?

Just recently, too, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I guess it can really wreak havoc upon your emotions with regard to anxiety, depression, and short tempers. There have been other symptoms, as well, but I can attest that it has affected me emotionally. I guess I'm hoping that gaping hole I felt in my heart Sunday night wasn't as deep as I believed. Perhaps it was just my overactive thyroid making me feel more desperate in my single condition.

With the holidays approaching, we're all dealing with the loneliness and stress it often brings. Since Thanksgiving is next week, I probably won't have time to write again. I just wanted to wish you all a blessed holiday season. Just remember when you're feeling really, really bad over your single state, it may not be your empty heart, it could be your thyroid symptoms instead.

To all you loners, losers, complicated wrecks, and singles who hate your horrible life, remember that you are not alone in your pain. It's becoming a chronic condition that I can attest to as my Feedburner stats from subscribers are the highest they have ever been. Loneliness in our busy world, especially around the holidays for those who do not have a significant other, can be painful. I know who you are and so do my readers. Find solace in the fact that there are others just like you, so in essence you're not really alone.

Happy Holidays.

All my best,
Vicki

P.S. I'm having some fun with the poll over to the right. Which describes you the best?

Updating My Singleness

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 20:06:00 +0000

Yes, yes, I know . . . I hardly ever post here any longer. The main reason is because my life is consumed (not with another man), with writing and taking care of my two-year old granddaughter. Anyone with a toddler under foot, understands how your life gets sucked into another universe. It's almost impossible to do two things at once.

However, I have done two things. I just released my third novel, The Price of Deception. In addition, I'm maintaining a more active new blog on WordPress, entitled The Legacy Series. Most of my posts and marketing have been geared toward The Price of Innocence and The Price of Deception. I was eventually going to swing this blog over to WordPress, too, and am still working on it.

I released The Price of Deception on Kindle and Smashwords Sunday night. Still waiting for my Library of Congress number, and then it's off to the printers for paperback distribution. Wanna see? CLICK HERE If you want to pop on over and hit the "LIKE" button, I won't break your thumb. Thumbs up help in being noticed.

At any rate, I thoroughly enjoyed writing this emotional book. Even though it took a lot out of me, I'm happy with the story and the outcome that sets the scene for Book Three, The Price of Love. What's in it? Oh, let's see (strokes chin): aristocrats, women, brothels, a duel, adultery (oh dear!), deceit, lies, and a bit of mental madness thrown in just to spice it up.

I'll try and post more often, but won't promise too much. Please hop over and subscribe to my WordPress blog, if you'd like to read my posts more often, even if it's on another subject such as the 19th century way of life..

Once again, kudos to my very cool cover designer - Robin Ludwig. I would have liked to commission a cover with bulging abs and boobs, rather than using stock photography, but my budget wouldn't allow it. Although, I do occasionally drop over to Jon Paul Studios and drool over his work. Oh, if only I were rich. (WARNING TO LONELY WOMEN CLICKING ON THIS LINK: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DROOLING, SWOONING, OR FAINTING OVER YOUR OBSERVATION OF HOT MEN IN THE ARMS OF WOMEN . PROCEED WITH CAUTION.)

I Apologize...

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 22:29:00 +0000

I know that I have terribly neglected this blog lately, and to my readers I apologize. Taking care of my granddaughter and working full time has been quite a challenge for me. To add to the problem, I broke a bone in my shoulder after taking a tumble and am dealing with pain and recovery.

My single life, of course, continues as is. It's been interesting having my son live with me part-time. I didn't realize how much I have not missed the man-hairs to clean up in a bathroom after all these years of living alone. You sort of forget those perks that males leave behind in the sink after shaving and doing other man-type things. I think if I ever lived with a male again after 12 years of being alone, I would go into shock for the first three over bodily functions, body odor, and hair droppings.

The other night, I was watching 20/20, who aired a show about Match.com and a group of gullible women who got scammed online by men they met on that dating site. Frankly, it's sort of sad in a variety of ways. These women trusted words written by men they never met and forked over thousand of dollars to help them when they asked. They trusted in these guys had fallen in love with them, when all along they were scam artists, some of whom lived abroad. The scammers had stolen pictures of others from social networking sites, along with their bios, and used them as their own.

Vulnerability, of course, is the big reason these women fell for the scams, because they were lonely and just wanted to be loved. After years of trying online, I've given that bucket of lies up long, long ago. It just isn't worth it to me anymore. I can't imagine becoming emotionally involved with someone typing emails and never having met them face to face. Even if you do meet someone face to face, who is to say they still won't scam you into believing they love you, when all along they love your wallet instead. Gosh, the Bachelorette can't even tell face-to-face when a guy is a real jerk and using her. What's wrong with women these days? Is our radar broken? Or are we just plain desperate that we can't think straight?

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say my posts will continue to be sporadic based upon my personal life and other interests taking priority. Thanks for your understanding.

Cheers,

Vicki

'Til Death Do You Part

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 15:19:00 +0000

Yesterday, like 2 billion viewers on the face of the planet, I was glued to the television from 3:30 a.m. and then the Internet and TV programs throughout the day. It was April 29, 2011 - the day of the Royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Needless to say I was enthralled over the occasion and cried now and then over the entire fairytale unfolding before my eyes.

I just returned from London 10 days prior, and walked through the same doors of Westminster Abbey the royal party and bride and groom entered in and out of yesterday, without the red carpet. Surreal to say the least, as well as having walked the wedding route and down the Mall to Buckingham Palace to stand by the gate and gawk at the opulent structure.

The lavish wedding was breathtaking to say the least Catherine has such poise, and the couple look as if they are a perfect match - a match made in heaven that perhaps this time will last. As I watched the 700,000 plus people choke the streets of London and proceed down to Buckingham to witness the infamous first kiss, I couldn't help but be moved by the joy of the occasion and the well wishes for a happy and successful marriage.

Sigh...a fairytale indeed, that I think most people wish for nowadays. We need more fairytales, don't we? It was hard not to backtrack my life to 28 years ago to the day I wed. How many of us divorcees that went through the preparations of weddings, dresses, cake orders, churches, rehearsals, receptions, and photographs not relate to that day when we thought we were living our fairytale and our happily ever after moment? :raise hands please:

I think half of my tears shed yesterday were part of joy and well wishes for Kate and William and at least one bucket of those tears were remorse that my beautiful day of October 22, 1983 has somehow faded into obscurity. All that remains is a life alone, and memories of my smoking hot body and beautiful dress once featured in Bride's Magazine. I was a princess for a day, and I think all brides feel that upon their wedding day, as we walk the aisle to what we perceive as our prince charming (though he may turn out one day to be a frog).

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, except wading through a lake of nostalgia over the past and things lost. It does, however, remind me of the sanctity of marriage and the symbolism of a man and a woman becoming husband and wife. The Bible states marriage is a symbol of how Christ loves His church - an eternal bond with the foundation of one laying down his life for another.

" Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25) And ". . . the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)

Are these two verses of advice really the key to a happy marriage? I'm inclined to think they hold an important key, because women long for love and men need respect to find happiness and wholeness. When those two elements in a marriage begin to fade, the problems begin.

So here we are, my single readers! I'm not sure how many of you are divorced with failed marriages nor am I sure how many of you have never been married and wish to have your fairytale day like Catherine. However, yesterday, at least for me, put the emphasis back on the very important and eternal matter of the need for happily ever after in all of our lives. I sincerely pray that William and Catherine enjoy a blessed life together, for no doubt they represent a yearning in many of our lives for love and beauty.

We don't need to be royalty or have riches to be happy in life, but we all need to be loved and respected. If we give those two gifts, we can give our spouses true riches that last for eternity. I have no idea if the gift of marriage, as I've called it before, waits for me somewhere down another path. Though I've arrived at times, too, of finally being at peace with my situation, it doesn't mean that the longing to be loved and the opportunity to respect a husband doesn't reside deep within the recesses of my heart somewhere, because it does. I don't think that desire will ever die, because for me that's where my fairytale lies, and it's an unfulfilled page in the book of my life.

Wishing each and every one of you, and William and Catherine too, a happily ever after.

Vicki

Another Holiday

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 13:50:00 +0000

Woke up this morning on a rainy Easter morning thinking of the day ahead. Yesterday it was 70 degrees and sunny, but today is another story with clouds and rain.

Once again, as I hit a holiday, I am reminded of my childhood. Christmas brought its own set of memories to mind, and now I'm reliving my Easters for some reason.

I grew up on an era where Easter was incorporated into society without any qualms. I distinctly remember that on Good Friday the stores in Detroit, Michigan would close from the hours of Noon to 3:00 p.m. in honor of Christ's suffering on the cross. After 3:00 p.m., the suffering would have ended, so we could go shopping again or back to work. Most work places were quite understanding of religious beliefs too and let employees off during those hours to go to church. On Easter Sunday, the stores were closed. Boy, have things changed!

As far as family matters, getting a new dress for Easter was always a big deal. With the new dress came a new hat, gloves, shoes, and a purse. We didn't always go to church every Sunday, but we sure went for Easter. It was the one day I always got to dress up like a pretty little princess.

For some odd reason I always remember sunny warm Easter Sundays, with pictures taken outside on the front porch or in the backyard. We'd go off to church, and then come home for a huge family dinner of ham, which my mother always cooked. Sometimes we would spend it with one of her brothers (she had four), for a family affair where we all got together to celebrate the day.

I suppose my vivid memories that bring such pleasure of happy days with families is an important reminder to me, as I take care of my granddaughter, that building memories for her as a child will be important too. Growing up in stable homes with love is important to become a well-rounded individual as adults.

Yet as I look back upon my childhood memories, I'm still faced with the fact that I'm not sharing it with a significant other during this time of my life. In fact, I was thinking yesterday that it's been 12 years now since my life changed to "single." Even though I had one short serious relationship since that time, I don't seem to count it much anymore out of those 12 years since it didn't culminate in marriage.

I'm not sure where my readers are today or what Easter means to you. Of course, it is a religious holiday for Christians to commemorate the resurrection of Christ, but for others it's merely a day to celebrate that Spring has arrived and think of bunny rabbits, chocolate, and eggs.

However, deep within the meaning from religion to Spring lies a message that things that were once dead have a way of coming back to life again, whether it's a dead body in a grave or a bulb buried deep in the ground that now sprouts from the earth with new life. The flowers bloom, the trees push forth their leaves, and hay fever returns. It's nature's symbol to you that life goes on, even when we think it's dead.

Perhaps that's the message as singles we need to bring to our lives today, that though we have days that feel an awful lot like death - whether we're dead inside from the lack of companionship or dormant in hope that things will ever change - it doesn't necessarily mean it's for eternity. Life has a way of renewing itself.

The next time Spring comes back into your life, it could bloom into that man or woman you've been patiently or impatiently waiting for to save you from your solitude, or it might be a another type of bloom that brings to you grace for another year to survive alone.

Whatever blooms in your life this Easter, have a Happy Easter, dear readers. Happy Easter indeed.

Sincerely,

Vicki

The Search for Affirmation

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 01:10:00 +0000

Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter, are our social network mediums that take up much of my/our time. I often wonder why I spend hours sometimes, especially on Facebook, reading posts of my 888 friends on my personal page, most of whom I have no idea who they are. I have 670 on my Author Fan Page, which is nice. However, a ton of those aren't on my personal friend page. Needless to say, I'd be lying if I didn't confess I like the thought of over a thousand people that know my name and read my personal moans or news about my books.

What is it about social networking that drags us into its clutches? Frankly, I think it's a matter of affirmation. It seems people need to be known, to be seen, to be heard, to be friended, and to be an important part of a community in some sense. However, social networking over the Internet, as far as I'm concerned, has taken its toll on personal identification with others face to face. It's so much easier to sit behind my computer screen and click page by page looking for affirmation than to risk being rejected in person.

As singles who are alone in so many ways, I really believe there is a deep need in each of us to search out affirmation of some kind for our existence. There isn't the other half in our life to give us that affirmation. There's no spouse standing by our side, putting their arm around us to comfort and encourage. We're an island all by ourselves, begging to be known and to be seen. We search for affirmation that we as human beings possess worth, even in the strangest places.

I can't tell you how often I wish for a mate and how lonely I get not having someone to share my life with. Recently, I've been bugging my 26-year old son to pick up one of my books and read one. Why? I have an overwhelming need to be known, and that's a part of me he doesn't know nor does he understand. It's the creative part of my soul that writes my thoughts, beliefs, desires, and longings into stories that I pen. Actually, it's a very important part of who I am as a person. However, he's not much of a reader, and I don't think anytime soon he will pick one of my books out and find out who his mother really is as a person.

Writing, however, for me does give me some sense of affirmation in my life. It's about the only thing that affirms to me that I have worth in some area. When I receive an email or a post on Facebook about how my work touched someone's heart, I feel needed. Somehow the universe aligns, and I know my place for a brief moment, even if I'm standing in that universe as a single without a man at my side loving the real Vicki.

However, even through that affirmation in my life I receive as an author, I still find that deep longing and emptiness in my soul to be one with another human. I love the thought of blending the very essence of who I am with a man, and that man blending the very essence of who he is with me. Even though sex brings together the physical oneness (as great as that is), it's the oneness in soul that I think is the deepest satisfaction of any relationship. Yet, here we are, together on this blog, as singles - one soul alone seeking affirmation among a society that we are worth loving.

I guess I'll just keep penning my thoughts and dreaming what it would be like to blend myself into another soul. It's a glory I've only known briefly once in my life, but it was undoubtedly the most glorious moments of affirmation I've ever known. It was unconditional love between two people.

In closing, I guess I'll continue to look in other places for the big A. And if you get a chance, move over your mouse to the right a few inches and LIKE my author page on Facebook. You'll fill my need for affirmation.

Sincerely,

Vicki

Single Humor

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 01:42:00 +0000

I apologize for being MIA for a few months, but as you know, my granddaughter and son came to live with me. While my son works (he goes up to the arctic circle on the pipelines), I'm the full-time caregiver for the little one. Frankly, folks, it wears me out, but I'm hanging in there.

In the meantime, I got a cold that turned into pneumonia within a few days. I was pretty much toast for a week or more. I'm about to go on vacation too for eight nights in London, so I'm looking forward to the break.

Now that I'm done apologizing, I will try and get back to writing after I come home from my trip. In the meantime, I came across this recently thanks to someone who posted it on Facebook. Looks like it's made the rounds for a while, but it was new to me. In case you haven't seen it, I thought all you frustrated single women out there might enjoy it. All I can say to her comments is...Amen! I had a good laugh.

Cheers,
Vicki

Ah, Valentine's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 19:40:00 +0000

Ah, Valentine's day. We are helpless. Every year it arrives on February 14th whether we want it or not. It's that big reminder for all you singles out there - YOU AIN'T GOT NOBODY! Sorry to be so rude and frank.

As I look at the picture of Cupid, who has apparently shot an arrow somewhere, I've come to the conclusion he's just a lousy shot. Maybe we can blame the lack of romantic love in our lives on him this year? A little projection helps the psyche now and then, don't you think?

Wikipedia says, and I quote: "In Roman mythology, Cupid (Latin cupido, meaning "desire") is the god of desire, affection and erotic love. He is the son of goddess Venus and god Mars." Apparently, we humans, think when his golden arrow is shot into some unsuspecting heart, we're bound to fall in love.

Love, of course, comes in many flavors. I wrote a blog post some years back on my Lessons From the Phantom of the Opera blog, so I thought I would repost some of my thoughts for you here, while you're eating your Valentine box of chocolates.

The word for love in the original Greek language actually describes three types. When we read love in the English language, we see a four letter word describing all aspects. The English word for love narrowly defines its meaning and does not do it justice.

The Greek language defines love as follows:

Eros – the type of love that is sensual with desire and longing. It denotes passion rather than affection like Agape.
Agape – the type of love associated with our spouses, children, parents. It denotes affection, rather than passion, like eros.
Philia – a term used for platonic love, such as friends, family, community. It’s a concept of loyalty.

We all know the famous words describing love in action: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (I Corinthians 13:4-7)

The word for love is this text is Agape love, which is also the definition used to describe God's love for mankind in scripture. We can read the words above and see a description of love in its perfection, but I dare say not many of us have experienced such perfect love from humans in our own lives. Our concept of love as individuals is molded by our experiences from how others treat us. There are times that love hurts. For some individuals, it's easy to see love and life through rose-colored glasses. Sorry, I'm not that way. I definitely have the dark shades on.

Each of my readers here have different perceptions of love. Our concept of love is formed from our life experiences. Whether we are children or adults, how we are treated by others close to us that profess love, paints a picture. For me, my romantic life has been the pits, riddled with personal heartbreak. Every man that has uttered the words, "I love you" has either betrayed me, been unfaithful, lied, or abused me emotionally or physically. Because of these experiences, do you think that my view of love might be a bit distorted?

In any event, as we reflect on February 14th once again, it's good to remind ourselves that love comes in various forms. Though Cupid is strictly the Eros love, which is sorely lacking in our lives, we are left with the Agape and Philia love instead. With that knowledge, I guess we take what love we do have. For me, it is an 18-month old granddaughter who opens her arms wide to me and shows me affection or my son who appreciates his mom with "love ya" text messages. Then there's that cat, who sticks his face in mine every night and tickles me with his white whiskers and purrs telling me he cares. To round it off, there is the caring friendship love of those close to me.

For the Eros love that I lack, I write my books, watch my historical romance DVD's, and just dream about things that will no doubt never come to pass in my life again. I've come to believe that the gift of lasting Eros love is truly just that -- a gift -- whether from Cupid's arrow or God's hand. It's one I've not been given in life. I've mourned its absence, and I make the best of it. I suppose, though, that is why I so strongly encourage people to keep, cherish, and never toss away romantic love once received. There's no guarantee it will ever grace your life again.

My suggestion to you? If you're a woman, go out and buy yourself a dozen red roses and enjoy the fragrance of the rose in your home. (I love roses, because they are filled with symbolism too that romantic love can be a fragrant thing, but it can also prick your heart with its thorn and make you bleed.) If you're a guy, well, frankly I'm not quite sure what you guys do, but go do it.

Sending you flowers on this Valentine's day and Philia love.

Fondly,
Vicki

Alone No More...Well Not What I Had Pictured

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 00:48:00 +0000

Well, I'm no longer living alone. That's right. The last time I checked, I was finally settling into a routine of acceptance and peace. I had buried myself in my work as an author, stopped striving about ever finding love again, and finally got off my anti depressants, feeling actually happy.

However, just as I smugly realized I had arrived at a point of contentment, life threw me a curve ball. Well, not actually a ball - it was my 18-month old granddaughter who landed on my doorstep along with my 26-year old son needing a place to live. Wait a minute! I didn't ask for this! Where's my prince charming? Where's the love of my life? Looks like my love is dressed in pink with pig-tails. Is this God's sense of humor? (He's snickering...I can feel it.)

As of last week, my life turned upside down. I ended up moving into a two-bedroom apartment. My son came home, and my granddaughter entered my life. Cute as a button. As of tonight at 6:00 p.m., my son is due to fly back to Alaska for his work. He goes to the arctic circle every two weeks to work on the pipelines. When he steps on that plane, I'll be the sole source of my granddaughter's needs.

I was shocked over facing poopey diapers, snotty noses, and little tantrums being part of my life again. My writing will have to take a back seat. There will be no time to mourn my loneliness, because my apartment is filled with toys and playpens. This was not what I signed up for, but I guess God thinks it's what I need or maybe that it's what my granddaughter and son needs.

Needless to say, I'm in a state of shock. Guess, I'll adjust. You have to admit, she's a little princess, though. I have a feeling she's going to wrap me around her little finger very soon.

Vicki

Happy Holidays & New Year From Just One Single

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 06:28:00 +0000

It's THAT Time of Year Again

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 17:18:00 +0000

It's that time of year again. Turkey, ham, stuffing, cookies, and pumpkin pie are just some of the good things about it. How appropriate that most of what we eat during the holidays is comfort food. It's probably a good thing that those who face it alone every year get some comfort out of something, even if it's a piece of meat on the table that puts you into a turkey coma after eating too much. Here's an interesting article about what holiday dinners can do to you! Click Here

I'm not posting today though to talk about the consequences of overeating too many goodies on the holidays. I'm here to talk about you and how you're going to handle the holidays again being single.

I used the picture above in 2007, which was my first post about being alone on the holidays. Thought I would recycle it today, since it says it all. I'm pretty good at preaching to the choir, but not too good at taking my own advice! Now you know. The holidays, however, have a particular way of putting the spotlight upon our lives accentuating the obvious - we have no romantic love in our lives to share these special times with us.

The holidays are pretty much a family-oriented occasion, where we gather together to give thanks, regather to give gifts, and gather again to bring in and wish each other good things for the coming year. My fondest memories of life revolve around the holidays. I remember Thanksgiving dinners with my parents and brother. I remember watching the J. L. Hudson day parade when Santa arrived in downtown Detroit. We all sat around the table together, and I still have that same dining room set my parents owned since 1950. I look at it and it's filled with memories of who sat in its seats, who ate off the special dishes still in the china cabinet, and my mother's fantastic raisin tarts she made every year.

Christmas Eve was always spent at my Uncle Red's home, with all of my other uncles, aunts, and cousins. Once in a while my grandparents from California showed up. We we enjoyed those times together as family until my teenage years, and I still remember every inch of my uncle's basement, bar, and nifty little alcove seats.

Then it was Christmas at home the next day. Then New Year's Eve, my dad use to go out the front door at midnight and come back in. He had some superstitious thing that good luck only came to the home when a male entered the house first after the New Year's. New Year's day it was ham dinner and saying goodbye to those darn tarts until next Thanksgiving. I haven't had a male enter my door after New Year's ever since I can remember. I could always pick up my male cat, hold him over the threshold on the other side, and then bring him back indoors. Would that count?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm surrounded by ghosts of the past - those holiday ghosts that haunt you. Now, after 11 years alone, with 75% of those holidays spent totally alone without any family around me, I'm sorry that I don't have memories of holidays to build with another person.

Each year, I tend to do less and less. I stopped putting Christmas trees up years ago and decorations. This year I don't even feel like cooking a Thanksgiving dinner for myself. I can never eat it all anyway, unless I live on leftovers for a week. It seems like such a waste. Oh, I do get those occasional invitations to join others, but I just can't bring myself to intrude upon another family like a fifth wheel just for a bit of turkey. I could always volunteer, I suppose, at a mission too.

Some who read this post may be single with children, parents, or siblings around you to enjoy the holidays, even though you don't have another person to smooch with under the mistletoe. Others of you may be totally alone. Your parents are dead, your kids are grown or you don't have any, your friends are elsewhere with their families, and it's just you and the turkey. You might find comfort in all the food you stuff down your throat. You might cry and have a pity party being alone; or like me, I tend just to think of it as another day, while I mumble a few prayers for the things I do have.

When we give thanks, however, what is the most important thing to be thankful for? Material things don't bring to my soul the happiness I really need. They don't fill the longing to be loved, nor are they eternal. I so often want to tell those who are married and with families not to blow it. Do whatever you can to keep your love alive for one another and your family emotionally healthy and bound together like glue. It's so important, and once lost or tossed away, you may never be given love and companionship again, no matter how many years you wake up and wish it was there under the tree on Christmas morning.

All I can say to my single readers is to give thanks for whatever it may be that blesses your lives, remember you are really not alone because others are going through the same thing, and keep your hope for the future that when the clock strikes midnight and it rolls over to 2011, it will hopefully contain all that you wish for in life.

Blessings to you all this holiday season, and I'll be back after the New Year.

With fondness,

Vicki

"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 20:56:00 +0000

So I'm sitting here at my desk eating my Stouffer's Chicken à la King for lunch (360 calories by the way, in case you're counting), and I thought I'd do a quick post.

Anybody remember this song from The Righteous Brothers entitled, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling?" In case you did, here are are a few of those lyrics:

You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh.

That realization popped into my brain the other day while I was hugging my new cat, Whiskers. I actually held something warm in my arms and felt something! It was like a slap across the face when I realized that I've come to a place in my life where I really have "lost that lovin' feeling." For the first time in ages, while looking into his green eyes and stroking his black fur, I actually felt a tinge of love - even if it was for just a cat.

Yikes! Am I that far gone? Have I forgotten what it's like to feel the emotion of love? I'm not talking about the love of country, the love of kids, the love of God, love of some TV show, love of some book, or love of your favorite chocolate whether it be white, dark, or milky. I'm talking about the honest real-life emotion of love. When I felt a tinge of it the other day, I realized that it's been gone...gone...gone...woooooh....in my life for far too long. I'm almost to the point that the emotion is a complete stranger to me in many ways.

I really do miss the chance to love a man. Interesting article recently on WebMD about how romantic love affects your brain like a drug. Please, I want some! Let me be addicted! I'm going through withdrawals, that's my problem! Here's the article: LINK

It states that being in love is like a painkiller. If that's true, then is being without love just a PAIN? I'm beginning to wonder and it's an interesting analogy. It's like that commercial about the latest anti-depressant, "Depressions Hurts." No kidding. So does the lack of love and too much loneliness, which can lead to depression.

Recently, I've been having bizarre dreams. Saturday I was in the arms of Jeremy Northam. Last night it was George Clooney, and this morning I woke up screaming at my ex-husband for stealing my bed frame and mattress. I'm about ready for a counseling session I think.

Are there answers? I use to think there were answers when I was young and 30, especially in my faith that God could fill those voids and be everything I needed. But now 40 years later into my faith and alone for 11, I don't see it that way. I believe that our creator (if you believe in one) made us as emotional human beings who said in the book of Genesis, "It's not good for man to be alone." He was right on with that statement. However, to take care of that problem, he didn't say sing to me, "I'm all you'll need." Instead, he created a help mate, a woman to be with a man. We were created as flesh and blood, and he stood back and said, "It is good."

Why I'm here in this state of life without the emotional drug of love I have no idea, nor the answers to that dilemma. It just seems that right now I'm here to say to others, I'm there with you!

If I'm never to be given the gift of love and marriage again, I hope God increases the dose of grace instead. Perhaps then, I might not be having hot dreams about movie stars and screaming at my ex-husband about stealing my bed and the woman he chose 40-years younger. If a black cat with green eyes is all I get for the rest of my life to feel that "lovin' feeling" again, perhaps I should be thankful. I'm trying.

Well, it's back to work. Thanks for letting me spill my guts once again. And, yes, I scared the crap out of my poor cat waking up screaming. He just put his black furry face into mine and reached out and touched me with his paw to make sure I was okay. Nice to have someone care, even if it's just a cat who rescued me.

With fondness,

Vicki

My New Companion

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 19:41:00 +0000

I have a new hairy companion, and it's a male! Alas, though, it's of animal kingdom and his name is Whiskers. I've taken the plunge and adopted a homeless cat. He's four years old, lovable, sweet, well behaved, and enjoys giving me eye contact with his green orbs. Frankly, this is the most affectionate cat I've ever met. He's content to let me pet him and snuggles near me whenever he gets the chance.

It was hard losing my dog, but being in an apartment and gone quite a bit, I thought a cat would be a better choice for me this time around. This weekend was very nice having something underfoot. Thank God for providing pets for people who are alone. It's not a husband, but it helps to fill the empty space.

Say hello to Whiskers!

Travel as One

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:18:00 +0000

Here I am writing a post while on vacation in the city of Las Vegas. This is my fifth time in sin city, and my third time to visit alone. Right now it's inching over 90 outside at 1 p.m., and I'm back in my room to get out of the heat and sun. I might as well stay away from the slots, they are nothing but big suckers...like me who keeps feeding them $20 at a pop. I win, I lose, I win, I lose. Only once out of five trips have I come home winning the same amount of cash I came with. This trip isn't one of them.

So I'm licking my wounds and came back to find another comment from a single who appreciates me spilling my guts over single life. I don't think it can be more starkly evident than here in Vegas. You occasionally see one person dining alone, but it's not the norm. If you do, they look just as uncomfortable as I feel sitting alone and people watching over my bacon and eggs.

This morning I ate and observed. The table next to me were two married couples arguing over who was going to pick up the tab. One wanted to do it as a favor, the other refused the gift. Hope that friendship lasts, because it was getting pretty heated. I almost wanted to jump in and say hey you can pay for mine if you want!

The table just ahead of me had a young boy who order a large bowl of french fries for breakfast. Yes, that's it - french fries. I hope he doesn't grow up with a weight problem. Mother seemed oblivious to his choice of nutrition.

A couple in a booth a few feet more away were silently sharing a table while both buried themselves into technology. He was on his mini-computer and she was in her i-Phone. Let's hope they were texting each other or their communication problems in their marriage will only get worse. God, would I kill for another across the breakfast table and two married people love their screens more than their spouse's face. I want to shout at them to turn it off! Don't they get what they have? You have a gift. Cherish it.

Then on the other side of the coin was the table with the domineering woman who wouldn't shut up. Her poor husband sat there silently looking intently into his coffee cup as if he was looking for a way to escape. She chatted with another woman across the table who couldn't get a word in edge wide. I sort of wish she'd shut up and notice what the others were experiencing. Sorry, honey, but life isn't really all about you.

So that's what I do when I travel alone. If I don't do it alone, I'd go no where. Looking back on my trip to England this past March, I can't believe I did that all by myself. I'm a spunky lady, I guess. Not too much rattles me when I'm traveling, and I never feel afraid. I'm careful and not stupid, but at least I enjoy myself.

It doesn't mean though I don't envy couples when I see them. One couple boarded the plane who were telling everyone they were on their honeymoon. It's cute to see couples sitting together playing with their arms around one another as they push the slot machine buttons. I suppose it helps to have comfort if you lose! Of course, the worst part for me is going back to my hotel room alone at night. I often crawl in bed and wonder who has slept in the bed and made love to someone right in that very same spot. Perhaps I shouldn't, but what I wouldn't give for a warm man to just love me for a moment. Unfortunately, I don't think they have those services here in Vegas for call-men for 60-year old women. Doesn't mean I don't need it like the younger generation. I'm not dead yet.

As far as bars and nightclubs, I'm not exactly in that age group and don't participate. I'm not much of a drinker anyway. I like to see shows, of course. I saw Phantom of the Opera twice...what else. Tonight since I'm at Treasure Island, I'll watch the sirens with their boats and maybe walk down to the Mirage volcano and Bellagio fountains.

Well, so much for my travels. Tomorrow I go home to be alone in another place. I'll count up my losses at the slots and swear again never to play. (Yeah, like that will work.) Then I'll empty my suitcase and put it away for my next trip. I only need 25,000 more miles for a free international ticket on U.S. Airways. I already have another free one through Alaska Airlines that I'll use in the next month or two to visit my son when he gets settled in Memphis. After that, the world is wide open for more people watching.

Regards,

Vicki

PS: So I flew home yesterday and as we descended into the city I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness envelope me. Rather than feeling as if I was home, I felt misplaced. Doesn't coming home mean you have someone to come home to? There was no one waiting for me at the airport. No one to call and say I'm back. It was a horrible feeling. I'm not sure what it meant or what to take from it, except that living in a city by myself with no family or support is beginning to take its toll. Moving to be with my son, who will very well pack up and move again very soon is out of the question. Moving back to be around my brother in Detroit is a financial impossibility. You can't just up and quit and 60 and except to find work elsewhere. I couldn't find work at 50 for two years. I think it's time to get a cat. At least I'll be coming home to something warm and fuzzy.

The Masks We Wear

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 23:34:00 +0000

Last evening while chomping on my popcorn, sitting in my green recliner, and watching TV, I was surfing for something to watch after three hours of Without a Trace reruns (my new addiction). Anyway, I landed on 20/20 and was fascinated by the show - Catfish (click on link). I've embedded the trailer below to the movie that will be released.

SPOILER ALERT! Well, yes, it is a wild ride filled with mystery and surprises. It's a story of someone who meets someone online and falls in love. A chance meeting with an eight-year old girl who paints, that leads to her mother, and then evolves into becoming friends with her entire family on Facebook. The bottom line? It was all a facade. A cleverly created world by one woman who played a character by the name of Megan. They thought she was real, but she was only the figment of a person's imagination and stolen identity using pictures of other people.

It's frankly a fascinating tale about desperate humans who resort to building a make-believe world around them in order to fill the emptiness and feed the need to be something or someone other than who they really are. The story is not only interesting in that one woman was a master at deceit and manipulation, which she admits to on 20/20, it's a story of a single man that falls in love with an illusion - a beautiful girl he talks to on Facebook, Twitter, and the telephone. At the end, he discovers it's all a ruse and how that revelation affects him personally is interesting to watch too.

I know quite a few singles, including myself, have gone the online route to find love. Personally, after seeing this program, it's convinced me it's becoming more dangerous by the day. No one is safe. Not only women are being fooled, but men as well.

Luckily, no terrible outcome resulted. No one was hurt physically, but only emotionally with a broken heart. It really speaks though to the desperation of our lonely world, and the sad fact that some play upon our hurts in order feel better themselves.

After watching this, you might want to check all those "friends" on Facebook and make sure they are real.

Thanks for Telling Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 04:07:00 +0000

Well, as most of you know who have followed my blog since I started to bemoan my single existence, I love to use this Blogger to sort out my feelings and dump my thoughts. Watch out, I'm emptying the dump truck on this post..

I was fortunate that when I divorced 11 years ago, it was fairly amiable. We just couldn't live with each other for a variety of reasons. Two wrongs that definitely did not make a right as husband and wife. We gave it an 18 year run and then shut the show down. However, after the divorce we remained friends. We occasionally talked on the telephone. He took me out to dinner when we needed to catch up on family matters. We shared holidays together on Thanksgiving and Christmas up until my son married.

Everything was great until a few years ago when my ex-husband took a trip to China. He fell for his tour guide, 40 years younger than him. She came to the US for a visit, and they flew off to Las Vegas and married. During that process, he slowly weaned himself from contacting me. Once he married, the valve shut off and the well dried up. I wasn't so upset that he married, as I was upset I lost a friend. He was someone I could rely upon. At least, we still lived in the same town and in the back of my mind when my son left and moved away, I knew my ex would be there in case of emergencies...or so I thought.

About two months ago he telephoned me about some inconsequential piece of mail. We talked candidly for quite some time, and I told him how I was feeling about being alone and not knowing what to do with myself or my future. He told me "he'd be there" if I needed him.

Well, this Saturday I had a conversation with my son now living in Pennsylvania. "How's your dad?" "Dad?" he said a bit confused. "Dad moved to Idaho." I yelled IDAHO!!!! Stunned, I guess, is the only word I have to describe what I felt. Abandoned is the other.

Yes, I know he's married to another woman and owes me nothing. I guess it's just taken me 10 years to cut the cord with him completely. Apparently, he decided to take the scissors and cut it without telling me. I think I would have taken it better had he told me he was moving, but he didn't. Especially after my hearfelt discussion with him recently.

In any event, he's gone. I suppose I should be thankful that I didn't go through some hateful divorce that left everyone bleeding in its wake. Maybe a clean cut would have been better, rather than a slow death. All I know is part of my security system just left in a U-Haul.

Oh, well, that's what happens when you are JUST ONE SINGLE. I guess I'm staying true to the name of this blog.

Okay, dump truck is empty. I'm moving on.

Vicki

Change

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 04:27:00 +0000

Since my dog passed away last week, I've been looking at my apartment that I often call my cave. I've been in the same complex since September of 2004, and suddenly after feeling quite content for sometime, I find that I am in a mood for change. I will admit that my apartment holds memories of good and bad. By the front door is where my ex-fiance once stood over five years ago. I can still see him with his mesmerizing blue eyes and baseball cap he always wore to cover up his bald spot. He still has that silly sexy grin on his face.

On my couch, I see my son and his ex-wife before when they were happy. I also see him sad and abandoned three months later making poor choices on the rebound. Last time I hugged him by the kitchen was November of 2008. By the front door on the hard tile floor still lays Ruby, content, beautiful, and gracing my life with her presence. In my bedroom is the tiny corner I have my computer shoved up next to the wall and wedged on the other side of my bed. It's here where I meet my muse, characters, and express the tears of writing three books. Hours of memories in front of a keyboard, that's for sure.

I think after six years of memories in my small apartment, it's time to move on. My lease is up October 31, and I'm seriously thinking of moving to another apartment. It's time for a change and time to leave the ghosts in my apartment behind (except for my muse, of course, who gets to come with me).

This past weekend I went apartment hunting. That was a shocker! I've been out of the market for six years and things have changed. Rents fluctuate daily just like airfares. I found one floor plan I liked a lot and found the same floor plan down the street a half mile away for $60 a month cheaper. Kind of makes no sense. I will admit, however, that I was star struck by the number of closets I saw. My current apartment of 635 square feet has one - yes, I said one - 6 foot closet in my bedroom. That's it folks! I have clothes stuffed behind my door, under my bed, and crap piled everywhere. Just the thought of 840 square feet, a walk-in closet, a hall closet, a pantry, and a linen closet, plus a second bedroom with another closet is heaven. I get giddy just thinking about it. Needless to say, I'm pretty much going to give my notice come October 1, even if I have to pay more just to get a damn closet!

Okay, so change is good. Perhaps my life is in a stagnant phase. I've been hiding in my cave with two windows far too long, and I need to literally open another door and move on. Though change can be good, it can be stressful too. When I first divorced, I moved 5 times in 18 months, and one was a major out-of-state move. No wonder I was depressed, said my doctor.

Perhaps it is good for us as singles, when we feel like we've been in one place too long, to poke ourselves out of our past and move to a new location. We can clean out the clutter, make a trip to the Goodwill, donate the things we've had in closets for years we forgot we ever had, and leave to build a life elsewhere where we can accumulate more junk. Who knows, it could cheer me up! I might meet a nice man walking his dog in the new apartment complex and find love eight miles away from where I live now. You never know.

Off to find boxes,

Vicki

Farewell to Ruby - My Companion

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 00:48:00 +0000

Today at 9:30 a.m. Ruby, my dog, passed away. I couldn't watch. Like a coward I went into my bedroom and bawled like a baby while the deed was done by a compassionate vet from a company called Compassionate Care here in the Portland, Oregon. After it was over, I spent a few minutes with her lifeless body, and then helped the vet put her on a stretcher and carry her to the car. Her last stop is at Dignified Pet Services, where she will be cremated.

Who was Ruby? Well, I adopted her in March 2005 from Golden Bond Rescue, who deal in Golden Retrievers that need homes. Ruby had a hard first six years of life. She was a breeding dog and had lived her life in a 6x12 kennel pushing out puppies at a mill. When she was six, the breeder got rid of her and a family adopted her back east. She was dumped again and ended up in a few foster homes in Oregon before she came into my life.

Ruby didn't have many social skills. I never knew a dog that didn't know how to play. When I first brought her home, I bought toys and balls like any owner would do. She looked at them totally clueless as to what they were used for. As much as I tried to teach her to play, she never caught onto the idea. I spent hours on my belly rolling balls her way that she merely stared at and then looked at me with confused eyes. Ruby didn't like sleeping on soft beds either. The hard tile floor near my front door was her favorite spot. I guess she was just use to sleeping on concrete.

She was a good dog too. Never chewed anything up. Never barked, unless I left her alone more than 9 hours at a time. Then I'd come home and she'd give me one resounding disapproving "woof" to let me know of her displeasure. She never messed inside and behaved well. Her favorite thing to do was to lean into my green recliner and make me stroke the side of her body for hours on end while I watched TV. When I tried to stop, she would just nudge me for more. Her favorite treat was popcorn, and I swear she ate more in the bag than I did.

She feared firecrackers, and the 4th of July and New Years were always a trying time for her. She also shrunk away when I brought the broom out for the first time around her, which told me that she had been abused in the past. However, she never barked at the vacuum when it was running or tried to bite it like my last dog.

Ruby was friendly to everyone - a tail wagging lovable girl. She even liked sleeping with my neighbor's cat, Bentlley, when she watched her when I went away on trips.

In the past two months her health declined. She had a sore on her paw that wouldn't heal, and I took her to the vet. After examination they told me she had a cancerous mass in her mouth. I never knew dogs could get cancer in their mouths, but I guess it's a prevalent place. We tried six weeks of antibiotics to heal her paw, but it never got better - only worse. She started bleeding from her mouth periodically. Finally, Saturday she stopped eating altogether, and Sunday was her last lick of water. I guess she was just tired of hurting and was trying to die. Perhaps she forgives me for helping her go at the end.

This is the second dog I've had to put down, and it never seems to get easier. I feel like I'm killing them, rather then helping them. Even though I prayed the Lord would just let her die in her sleep these past days, it was obvious it wasn't going to happen for a few more. It was too painful to watch her when she got to the point that she could no longer stand to go outside and she would lift her sad eyes to find me. Ruby was nearly blind too.

So this morning she walked across the Rainbow Bridge, that place we mortal humans make believe our dogs have run off to when they have died. I guess the image of her romping around the green grass with other dogs and cats that have passed over the bridge is somehow comforting. However, I also remember the scripture that an animal's soul just returns to the dust from where it came. I guess the heaven of Rainbow Bridge sounds much better than to think Ruby has ceased to exist in any manner of body or soul.

I hate death. The older I get the stranger the cycle of life and death becomes to me. Billions have gone to that "undiscovered country" before us. When you think about the centuries past, I guess we are like the Bible says a vapor that appears for a brief moment upon this earth and then disappears. Ruby's vapor last for 12 years, and for the last five she graced my life.

Rest in peace, Ruby. For some reason, my world even feels emptier without you waiting for me to come home.

Vicki

All The Lonely People

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:52:00 +0000

Wow, what a shock! I was eating my lunch and thought I would check the stats on my blog today. Just One Single is my my second most popular blog; Lessons From the Phantom of the Opera is number one.

Occasionally, I check what are the most popular posts being read and the most popular search terms that land people upon my blogs. Frankly, my discovery today nearly brought me to tears.

For my Just One Single blog, the most read page is a little post I did some time back entitled, "Why Can't I Find Love?" I discovered today from the stats on Google analytics tracking my site that that question is the most popular search term entered, which leads people to this blog. That is so sad that I want to run out and hug every one of you!

Here are the search terms in order of popularity - if you can call it that:

Why can't I find love
Can't find love
Why can't I find love and happiness
Why I cannot find love
I can't find love

I will admit, the question stays unanswered for me too, though I don't ask it as much as I use to in the past 11 years. It seems, however, there are plenty of people asking the same question; suddenly I don't feel so alone.

Not to get religious on all of you, but there is a sentence in the Bible that might contain one answer to the quandary:

"Because lawlessness will increase, the love of many people will grow cold."
(Matthew 24:12)

Whether you take that statement as truth or not, it seems to me it's coming to pass in my lifetime. Society is changing. Values are changing. Morals are changing. Violence is more prevalent in television, movies, games, other forms of entertainment, and real life. Have all these changes affected our ability to love one another because our hearts are becoming hard? Is the society we live in deadening our emotions? Are we merely victims of social change running around asking why...why? I am seriously beginning to wonder.

Perhaps it would make me feel better if I could blame my loneliness on a prophetic word spoken in the Bible rather than telling myself I can't find love because I'm not worth it in some man's eyes. All I know, is that I am apparently not alone. The search queries testify to that fact.

Singles are looking to the Almighty Google for answers! No doubt they try yelling Yahoo! as well, hoping to find the answer to their question - why can't I find love?

If you find the answer buried in some search engine, please let me know. And please know, you are not alone in your search for an answer to that question in life.

Hugs to you all!

Sincerely,
Vicki

Single Accomplishment

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 23:28:00 +0000

Since this is my blog, I guess I'm allowed to talk about my "single" accomplishment of releasing my third book - "The Phantom of Valletta."

It's a continuation of the infamous story of the Phantom of the Opera as penned by Gaston Leroux. It's now available for purchase in paperback on Amazon and also on BooksonBoard.com in all formats imaginable.

It's a wonderful story of mystery, suspense, and, of course, love. If you need a good night by yourself reading a book, I hope you'll order a copy. If you'd rather hang out in a 19th Century brothel instead of an opera house, don't forget about my other work -The Price of Innocence.

Regards,
Vicki

The Need to be Seen

noreply@blogger.com (Vicki Hopkins, Author) — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 21:39:00 +0000

I've been hibernating an awful lot lately, mostly because I'm wrapping up my newest release, The Phantom of Valletta. If you never written a book, I can tell you it can suck the life out of you. It devours your time, emotions, and social life. Frankly, it can be hazardous to your health sitting on your rear for 10 hours at a time typing because some muse won't leave you an hour of peace! Okay, got that out.

Lately, though, I've had a odd sense about single life, and I've noticed another express the same feeling to me lately too; and that is that sometimes we feel like ghosts walking through life. We're having this overwhelming need to be seen. Do you ever feel that way? I know I have, and I think that's the reason I log into Facebook a thousand times a day waiting for wall posts or checking my email every 15 seconds for the next note to Mr. Vick for Viagra. I'm always seeking validation I exist.

I think our fast-paced life that has thrown us into the clutches of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, iPods, iPhones, Blackberrys, 3G's, Googles, Yahoos and whatever else is out there, really does rob us of being seen. People are disappearing into technology, and that fact is very evident to me at work. Employees walk around with their iPhones in their face never lifting their heads to see who passed by them; or if they are in a meeting, they're eyes are glued to the 2x4 inch screens rather than the attendees across the table. No one looks at anyone in the eye anymore! Checking out the newest app these days is more interesting than the human being sitting next to you. In the end, social interaction is getting pretty weird these days.

I recently saw a stage play called Love Never Dies, which is the sequel to the Phantom of the Opera. Lots of controversy around that subject, but nonetheless there are some good lessons to be learned in the story whether you like it or not. One in particular is about a character called Meg Giry. All she wants is to be "seen." It sort of tears your heart out, because she's a woman who has blended into obscurity even though she has very public life of performing in front of others. You think she would get her need to be seen from what she does - don't we all? Whether it's a job, talent, or gift we share. But those around her that she loves the most have tuned her out, so to speak. She’s like anybody else really crying on the inside – please see me and tell me you care! I'm not a ghost, I'm flesh and blood.

I am often amazed at married couples that spend hours behind technology rather than interacting with their mate. Sorry, but I just don't understand it! I'd kill for an hour face to face with a man across the table, or next to me on a couch, or his arm around me in bed. Yet those who have that gift, don't seem to realize its importance. Technology has taken its place.

As the years pass by and technology takes over more of our lives, I'm seeing more single ghosts walking on this earth and even married ghosts for that matter. We've all hidden ourselves behind the latest technology in our hand or the computer screens in front of our eyes. We turn to the latest wall post, friend request, email, tweet, app, game, or whatever it is to lose ourselves. We're all becoming ghosts, more and more disconnected, when we keep telling ourselves technology is connecting us better.

So if you have those days of walking about feeling like a ghost in the world, you're not alone. It seems to be a growing problem. Maybe if we just hung up the phone, turned off the computer, and lifted our heads to look around us it might help. What a novel idea to look at another living, breathing human being. Perhaps it will catch on again some day. I hear we're entering into a season of sun spots that could knock out all communication! Wow, we'll have to learn how to talk to one another again if that happens. ;-)

Vicki