I’m honoured to have the opportunity to publish an article by Al Weatherhead, author of

Al has survived arthritis, heart disease, depression, and alcoholism. At age 84, he is healthy and happily married, a proud father and grandfather, and a thoughtful philanthropist. In this article he shares his thoughts on maximising life.

How to stay young in heart and mind

– by Al Weatherhead

I’ll begin by stating an absolute truth: age is a state of mind.

You may dismiss my declaration as a cliché, but I’m here to tell you that it’s an invaluable secret.

What’s more, if you embrace the wisdom at its core by practicing my approach to dealing with life’s trials and tribulations, you’ll discover a personal fountain of youth that will provide you with the physical, spiritual and emotional energy to experience the world with a child’s wonder and delight.

It may sound like a lot to promise… Especially if you’re currently in the grip of a serious and chronic illness… but as readers of my book, The Power of Adversity: Tough Times Can Make You Stronger, Wiser, and Better, know, I too have struggled to conquer serious illness and regain my youthful vigor.

I’ve endured – and surmounted – terrible arthritis, serious heart disease and major depression. What’s more I’m a recovering alcoholic. Today, at age 84, I’m healthy, and happily married to the woman of my dreams; a proud father and grandfather; CEO of a multi-million dollar company; and a thoughtful philanthropist.

I assure you that the rules I share with you today on how to stay young at heart and in mind by harnessing the power of adversity have stood the test of time. In fact they’ve helped me beat Father Time and stay young… and they can do the same for you!

Rule #1: Attitude and the Mind – The power of positive imagery

The number one factor to maintaining your youth is to develop a youthful perspective – by keeping a positive mindset.

The mind, overwhelmed by fear, can be like a drop of mercury on a table, slithering and breaking into wildly evasive squirts and pieces. On the other hand, the mind when positively rooted in a deep passion for life, is more certain and powerful than the forces which rotate the earth.

You will go a long way toward overcoming your adversities that do so much to age you when you avail yourself of the power of positive thinking. I know this to be true because it is that same power that enabled me to control my alcoholism, beat arthritis and accomplish what was once considered impossible: total reversal of heart disease.

Start now to put positive imagery to work for you. One powerful technique to help you do so that I elaborate upon in my book is to not think when facing a life-challenge: “I have to do it.” Instead, think: “I have it to do.” This will help you take control of your adversity – and your life.

You see, staying young is all about choice. So choose to be young – or restore your youth – by thinking positively with the right imagery. Decide now to regain the healing optimism we all once had as infants learning to walk, when we took our first albeit wobbly but determined steps into our bright futures!

Rule #2: Meditation – The art of letting go

Practicing meditation is the way to create and sustain your positive mindset. Most of the time, our heads are filled with an endless loop of the same thoughts formed over our lives. They drive us to distraction and often plunge us into anxiety. This mental stress and strain becomes physical stress, which greatly contributes to our aging.

Meditation helps alleviate mental stress, short-circuiting the aging process. Far from being a mystical art, meditation is as down to earth and results-oriented as physical exercise. There’s lot of information available on different ways to meditate. Do a bit of web surfing or browse the shelves of your local bookstore to find a method that feels right for you. I meditate in the pool, by concentrating on my breathing while swimming laps.

Rule #3: Communication — Articulating the speech of the heart

The poet W.B. Yeats described prayer as the “inarticulate speech of the heart.” Our youthful goal is to articulate the heart’s thoughts and feelings, to help us revitalize our spirits, reconnect with others, and replenish our youth.

It was my rheumatoid arthritis that shoved me stumbling along the first few steps of the communication path. Before that bout of suffering, I had barricaded myself from the world. As I struggled with the relentless pain, depression and a lack of certainty about the future, I was granted the gift of a lifetime: the opportunity to relearn how to trust others. I also re-learned that trying to get through life alone wears away one’s youth, both inside and out. Reaching out to others and accepting their reaching out to you will go a long way to help you stay young.

You know, at my age the world would probably expect me to dodder about reminiscing about my “better days.” But for me, that could never be.

I still revel in going to my office each day at Weatherchem, the best plastics closure company in America, to chat with my employees and feel the surge of human connection. I also look forward to…

Opening a letter from one of the many philanthropic causes I support, experiencing the sweetness of knowing I am making a positive difference in the world and longing to do more…

Swimming laps in the pool, scudding through the water like a cloud through the blue sky as I meditate on the miracle and mantra of my breathing…

And ending each day talking to my beloved wife, Celia, exchanging words and touches, sharing all that has passed between us and anticipating all that is yet to come…

You, too, can recharge and replenish your body, mind and spirit. Take the first steps to maximize your life right now by following these powerful and liberating rules to stay forever young!
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Is 85 the New 65?

One particularly revealing incident was a young friend with growing pains asking me “So what do you do when you’re having a crappy day?”

I had to think really hard before replying “You know, I don’t know how to answer because I don’t have crappy days anymore.”

A Crappy Youth

His incredulous look made me feel inhuman, so I invented some inane answer about finding the cause of the crappy feeling – physical fatigue, emotional stress or spiritual disturbance, and addressing the cause at its root.

In private, I started asking myself how it happened. Because in my youth I had lots of crappy days, and I was a moody, brooding recluse. I was so bad that on my 21st birthday, when friends celebrated for me with fireworks, I decided to feel homesick and miserable instead of being ecstatic at the wonderful party they were throwing for me. What a pain I was!

How did I get from choosing misery to finding happiness? It’s hard to put a finger on it, and I’ve already written about how to find happiness and create a life you love. Perhaps identifying what causes us to feel ‘crappy’ could also help with finding happiness.

Culprit #1: Seeking what is ‘right’

The specific issue making my young friend miserable was not knowing what he wanted to do with his career. He wanted so much to make the ‘right’ decision that it was causing him to lose sleep. I’ve been there and know what it’s like to be afraid of choosing ‘wrongly’. When I was younger, the fear of marrying the ‘wrong’ person kept me from marrying at all.

The illusion of right vs wrong, good vs bad is one of the biggest causes of unhappiness I know of. While these definitions are useful in helping us to determine who we want to be and how we want to live, projecting them onto external events causes us to give reality to something that is merely in our minds. When we stop labelling every decision as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, when we cease to view every person as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, then we start to see past the labels to what just is.

Culprit #2: Valuing happiness over sadness

Viewing happiness as better than sadness, or labelling happiness as ‘good’ and sadness as ‘bad’, ironically makes happiness elusive. Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin – one could not exist without the other. How would you know something is hot if you didn’t know cold? It’s the same with happiness – we need sadness to define and appreciate happiness.

Learning to embrace all feelings as they come is the surest way to experience happiness to the full. At one point in my life I got sick of feeling sad, so I just stopped feeling altogether. Predictably, I couldn’t feel happiness either. I realised then that life was a roller-coaster ride of emotional ups and downs and I’d chosen to get off the train. So I got back on, accepting and even looking forward to the highs and lows. I’ve been having the ride of my life ever since.

Culprit #3: Thinking feelings are real

Feelings are real, and yet they’re not. Meditation reveals this dichotomy best. Being able to observe our feelings as they drift in and out, like actors moving on and off a stage, helps us to understand that feelings are not really real. Yet just as white light is the sum total of all colours of the spectrum, our lives are made up of all our feelings and so feelings are part of our very real existence.

Understanding this, while difficult at first, allows us to appreciate happiness for what it is – unreal and impermanent, yet wonderful and to be enjoyed while it’s around. It’s like watching a good play and enjoying the emotions which the plot and actors bring out, yet knowing that we can leave the theatre any time. Once you can see life this way, you’ll be able to fully experience any feeling, including the crappy ones, and just leave them behind as you get on with your life.

Crappy is good too

Did I tell all this to my young friend? Of course not. This is not the stuff we launch into on social occasions. Would I tell him all this if given the chance? Probably not. Sometimes we have to dig through the dirt to find the gold. A younger me would probably not understand nor appreciate all this. I had to plod through the crappy days before finding happiness. It’s all part of life, and it’s all good.

So celebrate the crappy days when they come. Accept and enjoy your crappy feelings. And you know what? Someday you too will realise that you haven’t had crappy days in a long while.

photo credit: weasel.jem
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No More Crappy Days

Instead of judging and labelling our relationships, perhaps we should just accept them as they come. Yet being human, we want to understand our relationships, analyse them, and satisfy ourselves that they meant something.

If we insist on evaluating our relationships, then we could at least adopt a broader perspective. Even a brief, unhappy relationship could have a purpose in your life. Here are some alternative ways to judge the ‘goodness’ of a relationship.

photo credit: lepiaf.geo

Did you learn something?

Every relationship holds a lesson. Sometimes we learn about human nature – an abusive or cheating partner helps us to wise up and become better judges of character. Sometimes we learn about other people – we realise that people love us in the best way they know how, not necessarily in the way we want them to. And sometimes we learn about ourselves – do we become insecure and jealous as intimacy grows, or do we relax and trust more.

Did you make a new friend?

Life is a state of flux. People change and so do relationships. Mere acquaintances can fall in love and marry. Close friends can fall out and become mere acquaintances. We can choose to be hurt when a relationship tapers off in intensity, or we can be grateful that the intense period brought us close enough to stay in touch afterwards. If a relationship ended with deep hurt, it may take time before friendship is possible but it’s certainly possible.

Did you breathe easier?

Some relationships come into our lives at a time when we are desperately in need of companionship and friendship. Think of these people as angels, sent to help you stand on your own two feet when you didn’t have the energy or will yourself. Once you were better, their job was done and they quietly leave your life. Don’t resent them for disappearing, but thank them for coming.

Did you give your best?

Many people at the end of their lives wish they’d loved more, not less. Every relationship is a chance to love as much as we can, without counting the cost or holding back from fear of hurt. When we understand that relationships are not about what we can get out of them, but what we can give, we would have started to understand love. Relationships define us, make us who we are. Did you define yourself through this relationship as someone who gives his best?

Did you grow?

Ultimately all life is about growing. A baby, a seedling, a puppy… they don’t ask endless questions about the meaning of life. They just grow, as they were born to do. We can do the same. Relationships offer unparalleled opportunities for growth. Often we grow most when we hurt most, just like diamonds sparkle best when they’re cut a myriad times. We’re all diamonds in the rough, and relationships help to make us into polished gems – both tough and beautiful.

Did you make the world a better place?

Every relationship changes the world. Sometimes a child is born out of love; sometimes a couple produces inspiring music or uplifting poetry; sometimes the mere act of holding hands was seen by somebody and brought hope and encouragement to that person. If your relationship sent out good vibes, then you made the world a better place.

All relationships leave their footprints on the cosmos. Someday when we have better vision, we may see the intricate pattern of our footprints and realise that all those relationships that came and went were actually part of an elaborate dance of life. What makes a dance beautiful are precisely the twists and turns, the doubling back, the moving in circles, the changing of partners. Was yours a dance of joy? Of hope? Of love?
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