Jokingham Palace

Few Blond Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Jimmy "Handi" Warner) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 10:38:00 +0000

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland.

They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said

Disneyland LEFT.

They started crying... and turned around and went home.

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, “What's the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very

nicely if he could see her driver’s license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together!

Just yesterday they took my license away and

now today you expect me to show it to you?”

AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's
office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,

she pushed her elbow and screamed even
more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?”

“Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken.”

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded
to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to
his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”

BLOND ON TIME

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked
her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex”

and one was named“Timex”.

Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“Helllooooo... ,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs.”

FINALLY, THE
BLONDE
JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.

FLORIDA WOMAN STOPS ALLIGATOR ATTACK WITH A SMALL BERETTA PISTOL. (UNCLASSIFIED)

noreply@blogger.com (Jimmy "Handi" Warner) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 09:59:00 +0000

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.

Here is her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water, and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.

She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took.

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer s fees was really incredible!"

noreply@blogger.com (Jimmy "Handi" Warner) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 09:20:00 +0000

Monster Spray? Hmmm

noreply@blogger.com (Jimmy "Handi" Warner) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:33:00 +0000

You know what an uncircumcised penis looks like? A bishop waring a turtle neck.

Best Irish Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Jimmy "Handi" Warner) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:36:00 +0000

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of
me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub

for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night
at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and
the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Too Cute

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:06:00 +0000

Click to Play

This is a Water Commercial

A.A.A.D.D. Know The Symptoms

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:00:00 +0000

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Somehow I feel better, even though I have it !
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left..
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke,
a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers..
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water
there is still only 1 check in my check book
I can't find the remote
I can't find my glasses
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....

Beer Diet

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:03:00 +0000

Click to Play

Here is another Video for your enjoyment.

How to lose Weight by drinking Beer!

Google Experiences

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:02:00 +0000

Click to Play

Here is another Video for your enjoyment!

Bicycle Wipe Out

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:46:00 +0000

Click to Play

In this Video, a Bike Rider Wipes out big time.

Enjoy the video!

Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine!

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:25:00 +0000

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows Them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Penis van Lesbian

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:09:00 +0000

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and, with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, " Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name, or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said, and he left the agent's office.

Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck. Who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood . You told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.

You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.

I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke

Ads From The 30's

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:50:00 +0000

Bob Munden

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:25:00 +0000

Click to Play

Fastest Gun Ever.

When it's OK To Pee Your Pants!

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Click to Play

Gas Prices

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:01:00 +0000

I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

Popeyes Mom!

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:49:00 +0000

They've Found Her... They've found Popeye's Mom.

Here is Popeye:

Here is His Mother:

Indiana Winter Poem

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:33:00 +0000

It's winter in Indiana
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-five below.

Oh, how I love Indiana
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Indiana
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!!

DISCLAIMER

noreply@blogger.com (Jokingham Palace) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:38:00 +0000

Welcome to Jokingham Palace.

Here you will find all kinds of jokes... From Corny Jokes to Down right Rounchie Jokes.

There will be jokes for all Ages... NO Censorship... There will be no Sections for Special Jokes, there will be no sections for Age Groups...

Here ANYTHING Goes. I Am NOT Responsible for the younger ones coming here and reading R or X Rated Jokes. Enter my Palace at your own Risk, This is a means of Entertainment Mainly for the Older Generation to enjoy.

If you are Below the Age of 16, Please redirect yourself here and enjoy the activities that's ment for your Age group!

You will have to Excuse the Site as it has just been Created, So things are a little messy and Disarayed here, but will soon take form for your enjoyment.

If you are interested in Searching for a Certain Tag for a Joke, you can do so by typing in G for General, PG for Parental Guidance, PG13 and so forth, This may help on younger Prying Eyes, but I still have my Disclaimer to keep myself out of trouble with the General Public

So Enter at your OWN RISK, I am NOT Responsible.

If you have any Comments, Questions or Even Jokes that you wish to Send me, Please send them here.

Thanks,
Jokingham Palace