Joker in this house of cards called Life

Wow! A year...

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Wed, 02 May 2012 20:02:00 +0000

Its been almost a year since my last post. I just do not seem to have the drive that some of my favorite bloggers have. I have all kinds of stuff I want to talk about, but when it comes down to it, I can't seem to find the time to put them in coherent sentences. Chicken house pallet free need nails just doesn't make a lot of sense to others. Maybe I will find more time this summer between tending my awesome garden and training for Warrior Dash 2013.

Neglected

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Thu, 19 May 2011 17:17:00 +0000

I read alot of blogs andam always saddenned to see one fall to the watside as the author gets busy and forgets about it. I just realized I have done the same. Ah well. I will try to do better...

The Rasch Outdoor Chronicles: Yo-Yos for Troops!

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:45:00 +0000

The Rasch Outdoor Chronicles: Yo-Yos for Troops! Awesome Idea!!! Please spread it around

Happy Independence Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 05:00:00 +0000

Go find and read the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution.

Then go blow something up with fireworks!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 03:01:00 +0000

Got this in an email and ...well just read it.

It is a long read, but, worth it.

If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one, you should read this.
The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.
This is funny....and true. This was sent by a retired dentist.

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.
To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had made for 26 miles of fence.
I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground.
The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower.
The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger.
I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand.
Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body.
My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.
Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ.
Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second.
It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back
and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together
it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire.
My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but
Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil.
At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern
as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please let me die .... Pleeeeaze .
But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard,
begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day ..... he left me there covered in my own fluids
to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas.
It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot
where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it.
I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something
because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. ROFLMAO

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize
what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

Woohoo Free Ammo!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:25:00 +0000

M.D. Creekmoore over at http://www.thesurvivalistblog.net/ is giving away a case, thats right 1000rds of 9mm boomstick food. The guys at http://www.luckygunner.com/ donated the ammo for this giveaway.

If I win it I may just have to get me a 9mm to shoot all that lovely FREE ammo. I expect I will have to get a Springfield XD(m)

I am one happy camper( until the wife finds out I have to get a new gun).

Take care...

Win a Travel Berkey Filter!

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Tue, 18 May 2010 19:00:00 +0000

Woohoo! Free stuff...

M.D. Creekmore over at the The Survivalist Blog – a survival blog dedicated to helping others prepare for and survive disaster – with articles on bug out bag contents, survival knife choices and a wealth of other survival information is giving away a Go Berky Water Filler System (a $139.00 value)! To enter, you just have to post about it on your blog. This is my entry. Visit The Survivalist Blog for the details.

Good luck.

Viking Christmas Carol

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 17:51:00 +0000

A Viking Christmas Carol

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Hall
Not a creature was stirring, not warrior nor thrall.
And I in my armor, my shield and my helm
Was drunker than anyone else in the Realm.

I staggered upstairs and fell into bed
While four quarts of mead were ablaze in my head.
Then up from below came the sounds of a brawl
So I grabbed up my axe and ran down to the Hall.

I missed the last step and crashed down in a heap
Thinking, "Why can't those low-lifes downstairs go to sleep!"
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But two brawny strangers, wielding mallet and spear.

I said to myself, "We'll soon have them beat!"
Then I noticed ten warriors laid out at their feet.
I gave out a yell and leapt into the fray...
I'll always regret my poor choice of that day.

For the one laid his hammer to the side of my nose
And up, up, up to the rafters I rose.
Then came a lone frightened voice from the floor,
"Those are no mortal warriors -- that's Odin and Thor!"

Then they looked at each other and they said, "Battle's done.
Now they know who we are, it no longer is fun."
Then Thor raised his hammer, and his elbow he bent,
And with a loud crash, through the ceiling they went.

I crawled through the Hall and flung open the door,
Not really sure that I'd seen them before.
The snow bathed in starlight, the moon like a glede,
I saw them ride off on an eight-legged steed

And I heard them exclaim, 'ere they flew out of sight,
"TO HELA WITH CHRISTMAS, WE JUST LOVE A GOOD FIGHT!"

Worrying

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:38:00 +0000

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some
blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget
them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and
with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda..." " Hindsight is always 20/20..." the rallying cry of the not-so-prepared. Granted unforeseen things do occur but you make preparations as best as you can, and then you just have to adapt, improvise, and overcome. Unfortunately sometimes you are the windshield and others you are the bug.

I try to live my life that way. I don't sweat the small stuff and try not to let the ignorance of others affect my way of looking at the world. I try to judge everybody by their actions and deeds, not necessarily by their race or job (although its real hard if their job is customer service).

If I cannot do anything about a situation, I try to not worry about it. The operative word there is try. I can just prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

But if I can do something about a situation, I will.

Happy 4th of July

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:55:00 +0000

The pen is mightier than the sword except in close combat. - Me.

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:02:00 +0000

Wife: She is also one of those conspiracy theory people.

Me: Its not conspiracy it its true.

Wife: It is still a conspiracy even if its true

Me: Its not a conspiracy theory then, It is Conspiracy Fact at that time...

Gods I love my wife <3

Even cops losing their jobs in recession

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:50:00 +0000

At this juncture, this type of thing would be classified as a “BAD SIGN”. Read it and get a permit and weapon!!! Because when seconds count, the police may not even be around much less minutes away…

----------------------------------------------------------

Even cops losing their jobs in recession
As tax revenue shrivels, police agencies that for years were bulletproof when it came to funding are tightening their belts. Some worry that criminals will take advantage of the situation.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31530751/from/ET/

Free 6ft Harvester shelving from Shelf Reliance

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:08:00 +0000

Shelf Reliance is giving away a free FIFO unit that kicks major butt.

http://www.shelfreliance.com/blog/ go here for details...

More guns+less violent crime? What a concept.

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 11:37:00 +0000

While reading a MSM story about decreased violent crime statistics, it occurred to me that maybe instead of LEO doing more to curb crime... that maybe, just maybe it decreased because of more guns being sold to law abiding citizens and criminals are more cautious in committing a violent crime on the chance that they may pick a armed citizen instead of a unarmed victim. I am very curious to see those statistics but will probably never because it would not be PC to advocate the "gunning down of the poor victim of circumstance who was just trying to get money to support his unfortunate drug habit" by taking the watch and wallet of a guy who is minding his own business... Oh wait... I forgot I am not PC...

Axe or Machete?

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:40:00 +0000

I want to put either a machete or an axe in my BOB. On one hand a machete is good for trail clearing and small trees for firewood and shelter. not to mention the removal of the head of any zombie that may wander my way. On the otherhand, an small axe will chop wood and with a flattened head will hammer nails. I dont know which I will choose. Maybe both, but then weight becomes an issue.

Holy WTF Batman

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:55:00 +0000

I just found a RFID in the packaging of a roast. I knew it! They ARE watching! **Rolls eyes** It is sad though that a grocery store has to protect their meat from theft and are keeping their inventory so controlled that they need RFIDs.

Great post says it all

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Mon, 18 May 2009 20:30:00 +0000

Degringolade says it so well in this post, that I cannot add anything to it...

Safe at Last

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Sun, 17 May 2009 05:45:00 +0000

I have 2 stepdaughters whose biological father ( hereby known after as the sperm donor or Asshat) has either disowned them or vice versa. Actually he has 4 daughters and 3 are estranged. Now 3 out of four is a damn good batting average in baseball, not so much estranged daughters. This Asshat kicked the daughter out of his home, accusing her of stealing from her baby sisters piggy bank and touching her inappropriately. The touching apparently came because the baby has a yeast infection. Now I am not a genius but if the doctor who saw her thought there were signs of abuse then CPS would be calling. I tend to believe my stepdaughter when she says that she did not steal. It was prolly the baby's fat ass mama. My stepdaughter is coming to live with us after high school graduation in 3 weeks. I wonder what the lazy bitches are going to do for a babysitter, a maid, and cook. What ever shall they do when the child support that we pay is cut off.

The funny thing about this whole situation is this stupid idiotic Asshat professes to be a upstanding and devout Christian. He signs his texts with "God is Great". God may be great but the sperm donor sucks big hairy donkey nuts for fun. I have nothing but contempt for a man who hides his baser instincts behind a wall of self-righteousness.

I am so thrilled that my stepdaughter is safe at last. She is staying with a friend until graduation and all her stuff is out of that hellhole.Safe at last!!!

She might even change her last name to mine.

Awesome blog linkages

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Sat, 16 May 2009 22:08:00 +0000

http://thesurvivalistblog.blogspot.com/ this blog is written by MD Creedmore, an awesome guy who is not living in a van down by the river. Thank you for the awesome blog

http://tslrf.blogspot.com/ One of my daily reads, TSLRF brings a certain realness to their words. For the 4 people who dont read their blog, it is full of reviews and quotes and everyday issues that we all have.

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Sat, 16 May 2009 15:28:00 +0000

"We are playing by big boy rules". - TOR

Testing ...this is only a test

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:03:00 +0000

Your result for The End of the World as You Know It Test...

The Biggest Fish in the Crater

70% Guts and 41% Intuition

You've survived the apocalypse. If someone asked you why, you'd tell them between shots of irradiated liquor that you're a man of action. If they press further, you'd press them into the dirt.

It isn't all luck that your Rambo tactics have kept you from choking on the mortal coil. Keeping on the move is a pretty viable strategy against unknown enemies of unknown origin as much as it is against other, more crazed survivors. Maybe your luck will run out someday. Maybe your brazen tactics just make you all the bigger target. Maybe death will come knocking at your door.

This is for certain: You aren't going down without a fight.

Take The End of the World as You Know It Test at HelloQuizzy

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Mon, 11 May 2009 11:54:00 +0000

"I am a Conservative to preserve all that is good in our constitution, a Radical to remove all that is bad. I seek to preserve property and to respect order, and I equally decry the appeal to the passions of the many or the prejudices of the few." Benjamin Disraeli

Duct tape to the rescue

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:43:00 +0000

I just realized how to fix the economy...Duct tape your congressman when he wants to vote for another installment of As The Bailout Continues. A mixed metaphor -- You cant have your pie and pick your friends nose at the same time. I am in a very weird mood...

I thought I was worth more...

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:27:00 +0000

$3750.00

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

National guard happy to deploy??? WTF?

noreply@blogger.com (Lweson) — Sun, 03 May 2009 01:05:00 +0000

Now as an active duty Marine I was ready to deploy and did deploy because that's what we do. I did not like being deployed but I guess it was because I got my paycheck from Uncle Sam regardless if I was here or overseas. These guys and ladies are in the National Guard. Part-timers, if you will and according to this story are happy to have jobs for the next year deployed in Iraq.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30539726/from/ET/

How sad is the state of the economy to be happy for deployment to a war zone because you have a job for the next year.