Turkey On The Hill - The Joe Craig Blog

It's a Book Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:37:00 +0000

I'm making big effort to step up my reading rate. At the moment I'm acquiring books faster than I can read them, which means I'll never get a kindle because I'll always have my shelves of unread, real books to get through. I also worry about dying with much good material unread. So I'm setting aside more time for reading to try to catch up.

Reading more will obviously also inject my brain with knowledge, power, love and happiness. These are side-effects of enjoying a book. Other side-effects of spending more of my day reading include being instantly smarter, better looking and a far better writer. But hey, that's not the point - it's the enjoyment I do it for.

And doing it for the enjoyment means I have no problem 'giving up' on a book that isn't grabbing me. I don't like calling it 'giving up' because it has connotations of failure. I haven't failed - the book has. Time to give another book a chance. In this particular case the book that's failed is 'Super Sad True Love Story' by Gary Shteyngart.

It's just not interesting. I got through more than half of it but found the only reason I was carrying on was to try to learn some fiction-writing lessons from it. Here's why I put it down...

1. I don't care about the characters. This might be because they don't seem real, or it might be that they're just unlike-able schlobs and mindless dullards who deserve whatever comes to them. Or it's both. I don't care enough to work it out.

2. The book is meant to be a satire on modern life. It's set in the near future, where everybody is obsessed with the 'data streams' on their shiny phones while around them the economy is screwed and America in particular has descended into a political nightmare. And that's it. OK. I get it. You've got enough material there for a decent sketch or an amusing 1,000 word article. No more. It's not enough for a novel. Instead of being rich it's repetitive, instead of making you think, it hammers you over the head with clunking... clunkiness.

3. The book has some nice phrases in it. They don't tell the story, so they are in the way. They should have been cut.

Three reasons is enough.

So I've moved on. I try to alternate fiction and non-fiction, so my next reading adventure is THE QUEST by Daniel Yergin. I've put in capitals because it's a BIG and IMPORTANT book. So far it's also BRILLIANT and far more gripping than 'Super Sad True Love Story' in every way possible. Just reading the first couple of pages was refreshing. Suddenly I remembered what it was like to be in the hands of a dynamic storyteller. Not only is the subject matter fascinating (the global 'quest' for energy) but it's written with panache and efficiency. Nothing wasted. Everything tells the story. It doesn't read like non-fiction. It's a thriller which happens to be true.

It might take me a while to finish it because it's to HUGE, but it's also a pretty zippy read, so it might be sooner than I think. Either way, I'll meet you back here when I'm done to tell you about it.

The home page of my website will always tell you one book I'm currently reading, though usually at any one time I'm part-way through three books. From now on when I finish a book (or 'give up' on it) I'll blog about it. But from now on I'll try to be nicer.

Unavoidable Nutshelling

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:45:00 +0000

Back in 2009 I announced a new name for the period between Christmas and New Year's Day. My original name for it has been tweaked a little since then because it sounded a little rude, so now it's called the Interscotia (or if you want to be formal about these things, the Interscotial Period).

This year my Interscotia was as fun and festive as ever. I have an Interscotial birthday, which helps. I also avoided the Interscotial sales while not being too inconvenienced by Interscotial travel disruption.

But inventing the Interscotia is old news. Here's something new for you. It will disgust you, horrify you, perhaps even confuse you. But I can see this one's probably going to catch on a little more quickly than 'the Interscotia'. I can already hear it being used across the land in advertising agency offices, publishing houses, TV pitch meetings and anywhere else where inanity trumps creativity.

It is: 'nutshell' as a verb.

I could take ages explaining the whole thinking behind this, but let me nutshell it for you: it works.

And however much you hate it, I don't think you'll be able to avoid using it.

Michael Morpurgo's Interview Hijacked By Me

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:58:00 +0000

I've started hijacking other people's interviews. It's fun. For example, when they ask Michael Morpurgo questions in the Guardian, I shove his answers out of the way and slam my own in there instead. You can read his answers here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/dec/16/michael-morpurgo-childrens-author

You can read mine right here:

When were you happiest?
When I was a young father and teaching at a local primary school in Kent. OK, I stole Michael Morpurgo's answer for that one. It seems pretty good. Idyllic, even. I've never been a primary school teacher, nor a young father, nor have I ever lived in Kent. But I get the spirit of what he's saying and it sounds good. Sounds like I'd be happy too, and that there are probably equivalents in my life that make me happy. So, instead of 'a young father', put in 'a style icon'; instead of 'teaching at a local primary school in Kent' may I suggest 'making stuff up and putting it on twitter'. If in doubt, put me in front of a great meal and I'll be happy.

What is your greatest fear?
Bananas. Honestly. I have a phobia. Apart from that, I suppose my greatest fear is running out of time.

What is your earliest memory?
Being with my grandfather when my little sister was born.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
It's a long story, but it involves a men's toilet, an old man and me not looking where I was going. Probably 'nuff said, unless I meet you in person. Feel free to ask me and I'll tell you the whole thing.

What is your most treasured possession?
Tricky question. Perhaps my piano, or a pocket watch that belonged to my great-grandfather.

Where would you like to live?
North London is perfect for me, thanks.

What makes you unhappy?
Mediocrity rewarded or incompetence thriving. Other things that make me unhappy that I've learned not to let upset me: dark evenings during the winter, getting out of bed too early without good reason, cricket being interrupted by bad weather, Bob Dylan, religion, the BBC, Sondheim, poor customer service and a few other things.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I look very different from the right than from the left.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Ben Affleck.

What is your most unappealing habit?
Sleeping late.

What is your favourite smell?
Warm, wet labrador.

What is your favourite word?
I have a few: chthonic, boustrophedon, enormoussness...

What is your favourite book?
Bend Sinister, by Nabokov.

Is it better to give or to receive?
I get very embarrassed when I receive things. I'm also very fussy, so it's incredibly difficult to give me anything. And if you do manage to give me something I like, I feel awful and unworthy, even though I might be delighted with the gift. It seems that receiving is a skill I don't have in great amounts, so it's easier to give. But probably better to receive.

What do you owe your parents?
Everything. What a ridiculous question.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My wife, Mary-Ann.

What was the best kiss of your life?
Another weird question. If this interview were being done in person I'd scoff so hard the journalist would flee in embarrassment at asking such idiotic stuff.

What is the worst job you've done?
The only 'proper job' I've ever had was working in HMV for 3 months just after I left school. I hated it.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I'd choose Greek instead of German when I had the option, aged 13.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
A few weeks, perhaps. At most, three or four years. Just long enough to make a killing at the bookies and on the stock market. I have no interest in living in any past era.

When did you last cry, and why?
During an episode of Game of Thrones, I think. I cry during most films and at great TV moments.

What is the closest you've come to death?
I electrocuted myself quite badly once. Genuinely thought I was done.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
It's yet to come.

What keeps you awake at night?
Any noise, especially ticking. Also, light. I can also keep myself awake by making plans or concocting new ideas and getting over-excited.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

'Smack Dab In The Middle', as performed by Ray Charles. Check it out:

If that video doesn't work, here's the link: http://youtu.be/yIRHwkRDWx0

Lit for Lads interview (about sandwiches)

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 15:52:00 +0000

There's a new interview with me over at the great blog http://www.literatureforlads.com/

I'm not great at interviews, as you'll see from this one. In it, I spout such stuff as: "Like all good dreams, these sandwiches are constantly shifting worlds of emotion and passion, an artful balance between the sweet and the sour, the salt and the spice."

There's a little bit about my books in there too, but you can tell I save the real passion for the sandwiches.

Fortunately, they were also kind enough to do a great review of Jimmy Coates: Killer.

It's all very flattering, so I'm spending the rest of the day reading it over and over again until I've learned it by heart. So far my favourite line is:

With the relentless pace and inventive plot twists you will be totally gripped by this novel.

Call That A Leaf?

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:44:00 +0000

Do you all already read the blog of the excellent John Finnemore? I hope you do. You should. In any case, he just found a really big leaf and it reminded me of an even bigger leaf that once became attached to my head. Witness John's fine leaf here:

http://johnfinnemore.blogspot.com/2011/11/interlude.html

And then behold this freak of nature:

That's not even my face. It's how the plant grew.

How To End A Story, How To Rant On Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 01:18:00 +0000

A friend of mine is a teacher (I'm not showing off, that's not the end of the sentence. READ ON YOU FOOL) and she just got in touch through facebook to ask me:

"Do you have any ideas about activities I could do with my Year 13s to help them think about how to end a story?"

She's a teacher. Did I mention that? Cool, right?

Anyway, while I didn't really have any practical ideas to help her, I did have a little rant about story endings. Here it is in its entirety, as I typed it. Yes, this is how I type messages on facebook, including all the random capitalisations and exclamations.

I said:

PICK MY BRAINS! OK. I'll not write my new book for the next few minutes, I'll give myself entirely to YOU.

The way I look at it, the ending of a story MUST be planned out before you start. Great director Alexander Mackendrick (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0533241/) said: "If you've got a beginning, but don't yet have an end, then you're mistaken. You don't have the right beginning."

So being stuck on your ending just means you haven't planned things out properly or you haven't written the beginning and the middle properly.

The trick is to START WITH THE ENDING. You need to do a session on story structure - ACTS. Do it like a mountain range.

Or watch this video and translate it into whatever you like:
http://youtu.be/oP3c1h8v2ZQ

Once you're comfortable with the concept of a story being a series of UPS and DOWNS on that graph (or mountain range, or roller coaster or whatever) then an ENDING must be the final UP or DOWN. It's the completion or final failure of the task that originated at the BEGINNING. (That's why the beginning is so important to your ending. The ending is contained within everything implied by the beginning.)

Whatever desire or need drives the story is fulfilled or finally dashed at the end. If anyone is struggling with their ending, it's usually because there isn't a strong enough desire or need driving their story. This is a problem with their story, their character, their entire world and everything they've written.

You need to picture everything about your ending at every point that you're writing the rest of your story. To be honest, it's what keeps me writing: the desperate fear that I might DIE before reaching the point where I write the ending that's living in my head and in my plans.

The magnitude of that final UP or DOWN of the ending must be bigger than any of the UPS or DOWNS along the way (the act climaxes).

There are also clever endings: the character fulfils his need/desire in stunning fashion (a big UP) but at the same time realises that wasn't what he was really after all along, he really wanted something else (to find hinmself, to reconcile with his mother, whatever). That's called an IRONIC ending (in the trade).

I suggest you get a short story they can read the entirety of pretty quickly (maybe LIFTERS? Hahahahahahaha advertising my own books in my facebook rants - EXCELLENT!) and get them comfortable with charting the ups & downs of a character's fortunes.

*****SPOILERS HERE***** So don't read the next paragraph if you don't want to know what happens at the end of LIFTERS *****

At the end of LIFTERS, for example, Adaq achieves what he thought his desire was at the beginning of the story - he now has the means to forget his life of crime and start a new life on his own two feet. But it's come at a price. He no longer has his sister - perhaps what he really wanted, deep down, was to fix that relationship. He is also less sure about his own identity than he was at the start - maybe finding his own identity was really what he wanted all along, not money or independence.

*****OK YOU CAN CARRY ON READING NOW - BUT WHY HAVEN'T YOU READ LIFTERS YET?*****

So is it an UP ending or a DOWN ending? I don't know, but it's a GOOD ending. Superficially it should be an UP, but it feels more like a DOWN.

Get them to think up ENDINGS that are either big UPS, big DOWNS or something more complicated. Then you can work backwards to plan out the rest of the story.

And now I will just finish. A surprise ending.

QUESTIONS FROM THE FLOOR PLEASE.

Newcastle This Sunday: Come See Me Have a Breakdown, Live on Stage. Possibly.

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 11:23:00 +0000

Ever been to a GALA WEEKEND? I'm not sure that I have, but I'm booked to appear at one this Sunday.

I'll be at the Northern Children's Book Festival in Newcastle, doing a couple of events and a couple of signings. Check out the JOE CRAIG EVENTS here.

I usually have a lot of fun at book festivals. The audiences can be a real mixture of all sorts: kids who've read my books, kids who haven't, adults who are only there to sit next to their kids, adults who are there for the event on their own or with friends. I like that mixture, but it's definitely harder to put in a performance that appeals to everybody in that audience - a huge range of ages and reasons for being there. It's particularly tricky to get the humour right.

My way of dealing with this is to make every festival appearance even more spontaneous than my usual events. My events in schools are pretty spontaneous anyway, relying heavily on improvisation and contributions from the audience, but I have a handful of basic formats that I can fall back on. That's partly because when I'm doing an event in a school I'm not just there to entertain, I want to be of at least a little educational value - by the end, I want the audience to have some real tools they can use to write stories or come up with ideas.

At a festival, I'm there to entertain. Funny or moving or interesting or SOMETHING that makes it worth all these people having got out of bed, left their homes and schlepped out to sit and watch me for an hour.

So instead of preparing a formatted routine, I take a couple of minutes right before I start. If I can, I like to watch the audience coming in. I don't really know why, but I suppose it makes it more real. It's as if I'm telling myself, "These are the people who've come to see you, Joe. What are you going to do to make their day brilliant?" Then I just launch into it - something. It's a lot more exciting when I don't know what it's going to be, but as long as the energy is there, it seems to work.

If I'm buzzing and manic and slightly terrified and exciting and in suspense about what's going to happen next and ready to laugh at tiny things that go wrong and become huge things... it must be a weird experience for the audience.

But hopefully good-weird.

Come along on Sunday and find out.

A Landmark

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:40:00 +0000

I made a little video last night to mark the occasion of my facebook fanpage going past 5,000 fans.

If all goes well you should find it in the little box just beneath this clump of writing. It's about 8 minutes long, so probably best to make yourself a cuppa before embarking on it. Also, the pace slackens off in the middle bit so you have to slog through that to reach the song at the end. Yes, really, there's a song at the end. Sort of. There are some finger puppets in there too, so, y'know, enjoy those.

I'm not really very good with finger puppets. You'd think that a person who plays the piano would have better control of the fine movements of his puppeted fingers, but actually, on me, finger puppets tend to look like they're suffering some kind of physical breakdown and rigor mortis at the same time. But in this case maybe that's a good thing, because these particular finger puppets are of Jedward. If you don't know what Jedward is, for the sake of all that's merciful and good in the world please don't google it. Just be happy not knowing.

The other thing about this video is that at the beginning my voice is about half an octave higher than it usually is. "Hello!" I squeak. After a few seconds I settle into a more natural rhythm, but once you've started at that high pitch you can't just suddenly revert to your normal voice or it'll sound weird. So I sort of gently glide down to my more comfortable range across the 8 minute stretch of the video.

And none of that is information you needed, but it might add to your enjoyment of the 8 minutes of your life that follows.

Oh, and I should also add: a huge thank you to my 5,000 supporters on facebook for being excellent people of noble heart and massive brain. You all rock. Now go find me 5,000 more so I can make another video and do it properly...

Inbali & Joe DO BOOKS - again. With a dog and a Hippo.

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 12:28:00 +0000

The lovely Inbali Iserles, author of the Tygrine Cat books (among others), has given the thumbs up to my new thriller, 'Lifters'.

There's also a brief cameo from Harpo, the lazy brown donkey, and a Hippo who seems to want to steal the show.

Jimmy Coates: Blackout - When Is It Coming Out?!

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:55:00 +0000

Back in September 2009 I rushed out a few paragraphs on this blog to explain why Jimmy Coates: Blackout (the 7th book in the series) hadn't been published yet.

Since then, it still hasn't been published and there's been no let up in the number of messages I receive every day (every day!) asking me about Jimmy Coates: Blackout. Another one just popped up on my facebook page from Dean Raina - hi, Dean. Here's your answer!

I'll try to explain the latest situation. The trouble is, I can't really go into the whole story, so you might have to do some reading between the lines. Basically:

Jimmy Coates: Blackout (book 7) was meant to be published in April 2009, but didn't appear. I'd written it completely, been through the entire editing process with my editor, and seen the finished design for the front cover. It was ready to go.

But when publication day came, bookshops opened their latest delivery and Jimmy Coates: Blackout wasn't in any of the boxes. It didn't come out. Several booksellers rang me to find out where it was because they hadn't been told it wasn't going to be published that day after all.

So why didn't it appear? Because at the last minute the new boss took the decision to postpone almost all the books on their schedule for 2009. Instead of publishing the 7th Jimmy Coates book and supporting the first 6 Jimmy Coates books that were already out there, the publisher wanted to push back JC:7 and had to pull the rug out from underneath the first 6. Now, fortunately this was not a very large rug.

The Jimmy Coates series became popular through word of mouth among readers, teachers, librarians and parents, as well as some hard work from me. I'll always be very proud of that. So after several months of discussion with a panicking publisher throughout 2009, we'd all had enough. So I took back the rights to books 7 and 8 in the series - Jimmy Coates: Blackout and Jimmy Coates: Genesis.

I'm hoping that situation will change. In fact, I'm optimistic that at some point fairly soon Jimmy Coates will be able to make the greatest escape of his life and find his way somewhere new. In the meantime I'm going to keep hold of books 7 and 8 until there's enough support from a publisher for books 1 to 6.

I say that even though I know Jimmy Coates: Blackout is the best thing I've written. (Oh, and one of the main characters dies, by the way.) So it's frustrating seeing it here printed out, sitting on my desk, unread by any of you.

I've been really touched by all the messages from fans, parents, teachers and librarians asking me about Jimmy Coates: Blackout. All I can say is I'm sorry it's not out yet and a huge thank you for your support and your patience. The Jimmy Coates series wouldn't have reached so many people without your enthusiasm for it. Keep spreading the word and that'll help Jimmy in his great escape from publishing confusion.

Meanwhile, if you haven't seen it already, there's a sneak preview of Jimmy Coates: Blackout up on my website. If you think it'll be frustrating to read the first couple of chapters and nothing more then don't read it! But it's there if you're curious. I hope you like it.

Here's the link:

http://www.freewebs.com/jimmycoates/sneakpeek.htm

Spread the word.

How I Travel (Not Well)

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 14:22:00 +0000

I'm heading down to Plymouth this afternoon to visit a school. It's roughly a 3 hour train journey, overnight stay in a nice hotel and 3 hours back.

It's not a big journey. Many have managed it before me.

Meanwhile, my ladywife is about to go to Uganda for 2 weeks to film a documentary. Her trip will involve treks through rainforest, tracking down locals who don't want to be found, conspiracy, danger and wild animals.

And how do we prepare for our respective journeys?

I started packing 3 days ago, panicking about my itinerary and assembling my essential travel kit. My essential travel kit includes:

4 "luxury spiced" hot cross buns from M&S
A packet of biltong
An innocent fruit smoothie
2 notebooks
2 pens (2 particular pens)
3 different bars of dark chocolate
3 packets of tictacs (various flavours)
Sanitising hand-gel
The novel I'm reading, plus a back-up novel and a back-up-back-up book in case I need some non-fiction.
Elastic bands. I don't know why.
A typed itinerary. It's quite detailed & includes the word 'Plymouth' 6 times.

That's just the start of it. There's plenty more, but you get the gist.

I researched my destination (Plymouth. This is a trip to Plymouth, remember. A 24 hour trip to Plymouth) even though I've been there twice before.

I studied a map of the town so I could identify the snooker club and the sushi restaurant. I visualised all the possible journeys between those destinations and my hotel.

I visualised them again, this time pretending it was dark.

I practised, aloud, asking a cab driver to take me from Plymouth station to my hotel. I'm not exaggerating here - I practised it aloud, while being well aware of how ridiculous this was.

Meanwhile, the ladywife has a shower, throws some clothes in a bag, grabs her passport... and she's off.

I don't even know whether she's planning on getting currant buns at the airport or at the station. Or whether he has any elastic bands.

Ooh looky, I wrote about Author Visits to Schools

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 10:50:00 +0000

I've written a guest blog for the lovely people over at 'Library Mice'.

It's all about the very best and worst things that can happen when an author visits a school. I might elaborate on it at some point here, but for now you may or may not want to head over there and have a read of my latest ramble.

Of course you want to! Here's the link:

http://www.librarymice.com/2011/10/childrens-book-week-2011-authors.html

It's got a couple of funny bits and a big build up to an inspiring finish, which you should read while listening to 'Jerusalem', or somesuch uplifting ditty.

A New Book? Out Today? Why, that must be LIFTERS!

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 00:52:00 +0000

Yes, LIFTERS is officially released today. It's my latest book-based-entertainment-package (as I like to call them these days) and it should now be available in bookshops, libraries, on websites & to download as an e-book directly into your brain, or via an e-reading device.

Here are some random thoughts about the book, as they occur to me:

- it's very short. My shortest book by far. It was meant to be like that; the shortness was the point of it, so busy people & people who aren't used to picking up a big, fat book will enjoy reading it.

- it's a thriller. Just like my Jimmy Coates books, LIFTERS has action, suspense, mystery, twists and some dilemmas to get you thinking along with the characters. But it's all packed into a much tighter running time.

- my first draft contained a scene in which someone jumped into a moving car through the sunroof. I cut it, partly because it made the book too long but mainly because it was too much of a 'Jimmy Coates' thing to do. LIFTERS is supposed to be entirely 'real-world', without any alteration or genetic modification.

- the word LIFTERS is slang for 'pickpockets'. But you weren't to know that, because I made it up. The two main characters of LIFTERS are teenage pickpockets, brother & sister, who have different ideas about the future. Then one of them 'lifts' a package that he really shouldn't have his hands on. And there's a sniper watching him take it...

- there are no lifts in LIFTERS. Sorry, elevator-fans.

That's all for now.

In the next week or two I'll be posting extracts, more thoughts about the book and perhaps even some videos. Until then, keep your hand on your wallet when you're in a crowd.

Oh, and check out the book!

Get a 13 year-old boy to read. Change the world.

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 13:53:00 +0000

I wrote a list this week. It's a list of books to get a 13 year old boy to read. Not a particular boy, but the stereo-type of a boy. It could have been me at 13. Maybe it's you, now, or a son or a nephew or a pupil or the tyke who runs your estate with an iron fist.

I wrote this list because the most common plea I get from parents is, "My son won't read - there just aren't any books he likes. He's 13."

(The second most common plea I hear is, "My son won't read - there just aren't any books he likes. He's 9." So I'll have to another list soon.)

For now, you'll find the first list here:

http://www.freewebs.com/turkeyonthehill/reading.htm

I didn't spend ages researching it, so I'm sure there are other books out there that work too.

These are the books I could think of immediately. The ones that I know work. I've seen them transform non-readers into readers. Plus a couple of new ones that I'm pretty sure WILL work as soon as they come out.

If you work in a school or library you've probably read all of them already. Please do add your own suggestions in the comments here. I'll read as many as I can and add to the list when I like a book.

It's Roald Dahl Day! Back in 2009 I was a bit of a cynic...

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:05:00 +0000

Getting Boys to Read with Better Covers - a theory about Roald Dahl

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 11:24:00 +0000

Just after my second Jimmy Coates book came out, in 2006, I applied to be the writer in residence at the Roald Dahl Museum & Story Centre in Great Missenden. I didn't get the job. They said they wanted someone "more passionate" about getting kids to read.

I have no response to that.

Anyway, in preparation for that whole episode I re-read a lot of Roald Dahl books. I'd read some of them when I was younger, but I have to admit I never got on with them. I can appreciate them now, I can see that they're great stories, very well written, but I've still never fallen in love with them.

I have a lot of difficulty seeing Roald Dahl as any kind of 'master storyteller' simply because when I was a kid I was reluctant to read any books, but some writers managed to reach me. Roald Dahl didn't. I never really connected with anything by Roald Dahl - but why?

I'd not been able to put my finger on it until yesterday. Now I have a theory. It's a theory I think might be useful for writers, publishers and cover designers if they want to get more kids to read: kids who are, like I was, less inclined to pick up a book.

For some reason I think this theory will apply particularly to getting boys to read. See whether you agree...

I had this revelation yesterday while staring at the art on my living room walls. Here's a little sample:

Sorry about the poor photography - but isn't the art great? One day I'll tell you what that Japanese writing means. But for now, here's another piece of art from my living room. (Bear with me here, this DOES get relevant and it WILL explain why I don't like Roald Dahl as much as I should.)

Can you spot my taste emerging? My rather inflexible taste? Here's a final clue. My all-time favourite piece of visual art, 'Whaam!' by Roy Lichtenstein:

I've loved that picture since I first saw it when I was 8. I had a poster of it on my bedroom wall for the next 14 years.

Now have a little peek at some artwork I can't stand. I can appreciate its technicalities; I can understand that it was painted my a master. But I can't stand it. It's 'A View of Luxembourg City' by JW Turner:

Ugh.

It's very easy to pick out art I'll like: strong outlines, lots of white, lots of bold colours arranged in blocks, with no shading and nothing at all vague. I like brightness and clarity. I always have.

So, with that in mind, have a look at some book covers. (Phew - finally my ramble reaches its point.) This is what the covers of Roahl Dahl's books looked like when I was growing up:

Ugh. Shading. Pastel colours. Vague, sketchy outlines. Busy-ness. Like the Turner painting, it's clearly a brilliant picture. I can appreciate Quentin Blake's genius, but I can't stand to look at any of his illustrations.

Here's another one:

Double ugh! A brilliant, brilliant book, but how was I ever meant to discover that when the front was covered in this vague, pastel horror?! It's not just the fact that it's basically yellow and pink (you expect me to read a book that's yellow?! And PINK!?), it's the tremble on every line, the thin, quivering scratches that don't connect with each other.

Of course, I didn't think any of this consciously when I was presented with any of these books. I didn't know what was putting me off. The rational part of my brain understood that Roald Dahl was considered a 'great' author for boys like me. Yet I never thought of his books as being the sort that I'd enjoy. When I did give them a go (and I did), I never fell in love with them.

Here's what a Roald Dahl cover looks like now:

It's better, isn't it? But it's still not great. Still all those vague, quivering lines. Even the author's name is written in a font that wobbles about and doesn't sit anywhere, connected to anything. The lovely, clean block of blue is ruined by indistinct scribbles of... who knows what.

I would never have connected with that cover as a kid, and I reckon there are thousands of kids today who are just like I was. OK, just like I still am. I still can't look at any of those Roald Dahl covers for any length of time without getting all twitchy. How am I meant to relax and enjoy the book?

OK. So far this is just a rant about Roald Dahl. So far, it might have been nothing to do with the covers. Maybe I just didn't like his writing. If the publisher had sacked Quentin Blake and employed Roy Lichtenstein would I have loved the books? Um, actually... yes.

Take a look at the books I did love. My favourite author between the ages of about 8 and 11 was Dick King Smith. Here's the cover of the edition of 'Magnus Powermouse' that I read when I was 8:

I'm sorry it's out of focus. I don't have my own copy of this edition any more, so I had to track down the right image on the internet. This is the best I could find. But do you see what I'm talking about? Lots of white. Clean, clear outlines. Crisp detail. I love it.

Here's an even better example, (but sadly the photo is even more out of focus):

Bold. Bright. Crisp and clear. Dynamic. None of that wispy pastel shading and the only yellow is a really bright, solid yellow, on letters so sure of themselves they have a red shadow. That's a book I'll read. It's a book I couldn't put down when I read it as a kid.

Have another look at the first Roald Dahl cover, above - the cover of 'Boy'. Imagine that same scene executed in the style of the cover of 'The Fox Busters'. Or, even better, the style of 'Whaam!'.

Wow: The cheekiness of the boys. The thrill of being caught. The colour of the sweetshop. Now it's coming to life - all set off by a stunning, clean white background and some bold, black outlines.

All the Dick King-Smith books have different covers now, of course. Personally I prefer the old versions, but these aren't bad. By now you'll be able to spot what I do or don't like about them:

Nice format. Not keen on the purple. Even less keen on the pale, pastel lavender of the author's name and the wibbly font. I'd also prefer some beefier, bolder outlines on that drawing of Magnus. But it's still better than the Roald Dahl cover.

Ah, now this looks good:

Brightness! Still not perfect, and still not as good a cover as that old edition of 'The Fox Busters', but it's pretty good. I'd pick it up.

So what am I saying with all this?

I'm saying that whether we like it or not, our experience of a book is tainted or enhanced by our first impressions of the front cover. There's a particular sort of mind that responds far better to bold colours in solid blocks, clear black outlines and a lack of wispy, pastel-like shading. Those minds tend to be inside the heads of boys. Those minds tend to be labelled 'reluctant reader'.

So if you want a boy to read, and if you want a boy to fall in love with a book once he's made the huge effort of picking it up, please can we have more covers like this:

And, for that matter, more covers like this:

Whaam.

Thanks.

Planning Stories, Building Hotels

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 11:12:00 +0000

After my post the other day about REWRITING, I had several messages asking about how I PLAN.

One writer in particular said:

"I always tend to write as I feel - and so planning tends to fizzle out the creativity. I sort of go for a walk, and think about what will happen next, almost imagine everything as if I was there, and then go home, and write. I think I need to know how to plan a novel, it might make life a lot easier..."

So I replied with a long ramble about building hotels. I've always want to build a hotel, but perhaps I shouldn't let it influence my creative writing tips. Here's what I wrote:

You said that for you planning "tends to fizzle out the creativity". I think the same is true for a lot of people, especially young writers. But for me, the planning is the most creative bit!

Like you, I think about what will happen next and imagine everything as if I were there - that sounds great. But then instead of just writing it as it is in my head, I jot down notes about what happens and the important bits that make the image feel more real to me.

Then I build around it: How does that bit fit into the overall plot? How can I make that scene even more exciting or moving or surprising or original with what I put around it or leading up to it? What are the consequences of that scene? What am I trying to say with that scene, if anything, and how can I bring that out more sharply?

I make notes on what can happen around that bit that I've come up with, which leads to the creation of other bits. Again, I make notes on the new images and plot ideas. They won't all fit together at first so I'll have to go backwards and forwards adjusting the bits I've come up with until they all click into place to work together.

That first bit that I came up with will probably have changed several times over by now. Quite often I'll realise that it isn't necessary to my story after all. It was a good launch pad for all my other plotting and development, but I don't need it any more.

There are all kinds of analogies I could make. For example, if I were designing a grand hotel, I could go for a walk and imagine an incredible lobby. I would picture it in such detail that I would feel like I could walk in there for real. I might be so excited that I want to go home and start building it immediately. But of course it wouldn't be time to do that yet. I'd need to use the excitement of my 'lobby' idea to create ideas for the rooms, the kitchens, the dining rooms, gardens, bathrooms, ventilation systems, lift shafts... and everything else that a hotel has. Otherwise I'll just end up with a fancy lobby.

The theme and style of my lobby, that I like so much, would have to carry through into everything else in the building. Using those themes and ideas I might get carried away with the hotel swimming pool & spa. Eventually I might realise that if I put everything I've come up with into this hotel the whole building will fall down or the lifts won't work, so I need to go through the design tweaking things until I realise I don't need such a massive lobby at all. Who visits a hotel for the fancy lobby? It might be impressive when you first walk in, but it's no good if the food, rooms, lifts and service are all a bit clunky.

I think you get the idea. I've never rambled about hotel design for so long. I hope it makes some sense.

Having said all that, I know that there are some writers who do far less planning than me. There are even some who just start writing with only a vague sense of the central idea of their story. They feel their way until something emerges that resembles a story and they follow that.

So obviously that method is also possible. I just find it more exciting to work out a brilliant story first, which builds my own anticipation to a point where I can't NOT write it.

I also think that in the long run, good planning saves a whole lot of work. I don't want to be moving the walls of a grand lobby that felt right at the time, when I realise the pool & spa need more space so I've got to shift huge marble slabs.

Yes, it's a lobby of marble. Also, a huge chandelier and a staircase with a monkey-butler on every step.

Good luck with your writing!

Joe

How to Write Chapters and How to Re-Write - actual writing tips. Woah.

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:47:00 +0000

I've had a message on facebook from Ellie Baker, who's 13 and working on her first book. She asked me some really good questions about the technique of writing, so I thought I'd share some of her quetsions (and some of my answer) with you.

Ellie wrote:

Sorry to bother you but I love writing stories and I am writing one at the moment and I have been given some tips by Bill Hopkinson, i'm not sure if you have heard of him but he gives his opinion for stories and plays for a living. Erm the tips he gave me include me writing entire parts of the book again and I was wondering if you did this while you wrote your books? Also how did you manage to put chapters in your books? I have been reading the Jimmy Coates lately and the chapters are almost a perfect length and are in the right places and i would love if you would give some tips.

So here's what I replied:

Hi Ellie,

Thanks for your brilliant message. I'm really excited to hear that you've been working on a book!

Yes, I do always re-write parts of my books over and over again, but ONLY once I've finished writing a complete first draft. If you think about re-writing before you finish the first rough version then the editor part of your brain can get in the way of the creator part of your brain - and that's what leads to writers' block!

So what I do is forget about re-writing to start with, and just write something that I KNOW is going to be RUBBISH. It gives me the freedom to write ANYTHING without worrying about how good it's going to be or even whether it makes sense. I don't even re-read what I wrote the day before, I just pick up where I left off and CARRY ON WRITING. Then once I've reached the end of the story I go back and CHALLENGE EVERYTHING. It's like switching a different bit of my brain back on again. It's incredibly important to re-write.

I would never show my first draft (or even my second or third re-writes) to ANYBODY.

Now, the reason that I can just WRITE and keep going when I'm doing a first draft is because I've already PLANNED EVERYTHING OUT really carefully. That's the first part of the process. I go over and over my story in an outline of the plot until it's PERFECT and everything works beautifully. Only then do I start writing anything.

So what about chapters? I know roughly how long a chapter of one of my books should be (anywhere between 1500 and 3000 words, though some are longer and some are shorter) so when I'm re-writing I go roughly that many words through the text and look for a good place to break the story - either a natural break where the scene changes, or an UNNATURAL break where I can tweak what I've written to create a sort of mini-cliffhanger between chapters - in other words, breaking the middle of an action sequence or a scene and re-writing it where I've broken it so it reads like it's the end of a chapter, then re-writing the next bit to sound like the start of a chapter.

Some writers do their plan in chapters - they work out what's going to happen in each chapter. I don't do that. If it feels natural and obvious to put in a chapter break as I'm writing then I do, but otherwise I go through afterwards and work out (almost mathematically) where the chapter breaks should come. It's about the rhythm of the story but also word count! And of course word count changes each time I re-write, because I'm always cutting or adding bits.

Here's one more thought about RE-WRITING. Lots of writers will tell you that you have to do it, but not many will give you tips about HOW to do it. Here's how I do it:

I have a list. My list has some items on it that never change, but other items are things that I've scribbled down as I've been writing the first draft because they've occurred to me at that moment, but it isn't the moment to deal with them (because I don't want to be distracted by RE-WRITING when I'm trying to just WRITE!).

My list will usually look something like this:

DIALOGUE

ACTION

JIMMY'S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER

COLOUR

CUT

WATER

and so on. The list usually ends up having about a dozen items on it.

Then I start at the beginning of what I've written and go through the whole story JUST looking at the first item on my list: for example, all the dialogue. I re-write every word of it. I beef it up, or tone it down. I tweak it or cut it or whatever. Through the whole book, ignoring everything else.

If something else obvious strikes me as I'm going through the book then fine, I address it, but basically I'm JUST looking at the first item on the list.

Then I do the second item on the list. Again, I start at the beginning and go through the whole thing JUST looking at item number two.

For something like 'JIMMY'S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER' you might think that would involve only scenes that involve Jimmy and his father. But that's not right. I look for ANY opportunity for the other characters and the rest of the story to show something about Jimmy and his father and that relationship. So it might be a scene where someone else talks about their father, or something much less obvious where someone does something in a slightly fatherly manner, or in one of my favourite scenes in the series, it can be Jimmy getting angry with a bottle top and throwing the bottle at the wall - it all adds up to create a fuller and more complex, interesting picture of Jimmy's relationship with his father.

That's just one example that's always on my list. But I go through looking at ALL the relationships between the various characters.

Then, once I've gone through my whole list and for each item on the list gone through the whole book (sometimes more than once) I start again and look at the story as a whole and see what else comes to me. I go through it a few times and make a new list as I'm going through. Then I start the process again with my new list.

I keep doing this until I can't find anything to put on another list.

So that's how I re-write.

Jorge Luis and Borges

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 21:17:00 +0000

Today it’s the anniversary of the birth of Jorge Luis Borges. He’d have been 112 today, which is pretty old, even for a writer.

‘Jorge who?’ you ask. ‘And why did he spell his name funny? What’s wrong with George?’ Well, stay calm and I’ll tell you…

Jorge Luis Borges is one of my favourite writers. He became one of my favourite writers when I discovered that he never wrote anything longer than a short story. I was a teenager and here was a man with an attention span similar to mine, I thought. And ooh look, a squirrel!

His stories are wonderful and blow my mind in all kinds of good ways. There are characters who meet themselves from the future but don’t notice; there are priceless objects that are invisible and drive you mad when you drop them and can’t find them again; there are infinite books in which you can never find the same page twice; there are more magical moments in each short story than you find in most full length novels.

Once I was even inspired to write a short story about three brothers called George, Luis and Rob (which is ‘Bor’ backwards) and of course their surname was ‘Ges’. George, Luis and Rob Ges. It was a weird story. You know what? I’ve probably got it here on my computer somewhere, hidden in an old file. I’m going to dig it out. How about I show you the first few paragraphs? It’s going to be a bit rubbish because I wrote it when I was 16, but it is what it is and you might find it interesting…

I’ll paste it at the bottom of this post.

Oh, also: Novermber 7^th to 13^th is National Short Story week. You should all read Borges to celebrate. And I’m sure a couple of people I know have short stories being published soon… wait… yes! Ali Sparkes! And… who else? Um… me! But more about that another time. Here’s my 16 year-old self’s attempt at a homage to Borges:

In the first year of my publishing business I spent most of my coffee stained days and nights hunched over my desk in the smallest room in the smallest office building that you can imagine. The company name was printed up on the door and when a train hit the track outside the window I thought I was a private detective. The impression was reinforced by each one of my clients – or potential clients. They slipped into the room with cheap mystery and presented me with a problem, except that I was not supposed to solve the problem, I was being asked to publish it. All I seemed to get were trashy novels and romantic dirges. I knew what fine literature was meant to look like and I knew that even with the most skilful editing in the world, the words I was reading were never going to amount to more than a graveyard of clichés.

The first time I saw any of the Ges brothers – it was George I met first – I had just been woken by a train from a disturbing dream about dancing rodents. The din of the tracks somehow accentuated George Ges’ skeletal appearance. He was a man who had obviously seen better times. He introduced himself with a voice that sounded like it had crawled out of prison. He looked awful: a skeleton with skin wrapped round it. He featherly placed in front of me his manuscript – a hundred or so scuffed and trodden grey pages torn from all different kinds of notebook. He never referred to it as a manuscript, though; he always talked about it as his ‘fish’. I could never work out why and I didn’t ask him, but for all the time I knew him, he would always talk about ‘my fish’ and ask what we were going to do with his ‘fish’. Maybe I heard him wrong, but it certainly sounded like ‘fish’. I promised to read what he had written and told him to come back the same time the next day.

The book was amazing. This work which had somehow landed up on my desk defied all conventions of writing and literature of the day. The language and story-telling were as beautiful as Shakespeare, as harsh as Kafka and as inspired as Borges. I turned page after page and only paused when I couldn’t make out certain words due to mud stains or passages where splashes of rain had run all the words together. I had at last seen genius and held it in my hands. I read all through the rest of the day and into the evening, unable to look up from the paper before me, when suddenly it stopped. The train of words which had held me stiff in my chair for so many hours hit the end of a page in the middle of a sentence and did not continue. Had the pages run out? Had I dropped or mislaid the rest of the book? Was this just to tease me? To provoke my interest and raise the price I was prepared to pay? As I turned to begin reading the words again from the start, a shadow appeared in the doorway.

When Louis Ges walked in I thought George Ges had returned early, dressed as a priest…

How To Plan A Novel (as ranted by me, on twitter)

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 01:26:00 +0000

The other night I was up on "the twitter", as they call it these days, and I got to thinking about how I write novels. Before knew it I was twittereeterating all about how to write a novel.

But some of you missed it! Because, like most normal human people-beings, you're not on "the twitter". So here is what I wrote, in a series of word-sneezes of no more than 140 characters:

OK, it's late so I'm going to tell you all how to write a novel. I should probably hashtag this stuff but I'd rather chew off my own face.

Don't waste time coming up with loads of that 'character' stuff. The illusion of character is created in the reader's mind. They join dots.
Your 'dots' are the tiny moments that SUGGEST huge character developments. Let the reader do the work for you. Just come up with the dots.
Work out your plot first. It will dictate exactly how characters need to react to make it coherent and believable, thus saving you work.
Plan your plot by starting with the ending, which you create by elimination & simple binary choices. Will the main character die? Yes or no.
Will he or she be happily in love? Yes or no.
Will he or she he maimed in any way? Yes or no.
Continue like this until you know that at the end of your story your main character will be, for example: alive, not in love, unmaimed etc
Then work out which of these things will be different at the start of the story. THERE MUST BE CHANGE.
There must be change because that's a law of Hollywood and you want Hollywood to turn your novel into a movie because nobody reads anymore.
Now take what you thought was your ending and PUT IT IN THE MIDDLE. Then come up with a better ending.
PUT IN MORE CHANGE.
Time to connect things. How does your character get from how he is at the start to how he is in the middle then the end? THINGS HAPPEN.
When I say 'THINGS HAPPEN', there are actually ONLY 3 THINGS. You only need one of them, but clever stories use all three.
The 3 things that can happen: the world craps on your character; people near your character crap on your character; your character craps on himself.
Decide how one of those 3 things happens and how your character reacts. Your character must react by DOING SOMETHING he now NEEDS to do.
Your character must not react by just moaning. The thing that happens has caused a PRIMAL, BURNING NEED or DESIRE.
In his pursuit of that NEED or DESIRE, everything that could possibly get in the way MUST GET IN THE WAY.
And how he reacts to those obstacles is CHARACTER.

Now you may all have a STAR for paying attention. TWO STARS if you go and plan a novel. How to do the writing bit will be another night.

'Elegant Combat' - Savate training with James Southwood

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 17:25:00 +0000

Jimmy Coates: Blackout hasn't been published yet, and it probably won't be for a while, but in the meantime I want to tell you about some of the fight scenes in the book. Here's a little extract of one of them:

Jimmy delivered a jab to the man’s gut with the knuckles of his left hand, then landed his right fist in exactly the same spot with a powerful cross punch. The man’s puffer jacket wasn’t nearly enough to cushion the blows. His eyes widened and he flailed at Jimmy even as he gasped for breath. Finally, Jimmy extended his right thigh and held it steady while the lower part of the limb flicked out. His toes hit the man’s kneecap like a spike in a pinboard.

Jimmy felt a rush of calm aggression urging him to deliver one more blow – a fatal one. No, Jimmy ordered himself, locking his arms and legs. He whipped off his cap and mashed it onto the bald man’s head.

“What was that?” the man gasped, rolling on the floor and clutching his knee. Jimmy was already sprinting away, but he heard the answer flashing through his head: that was a fouette. How did he know that? That swift kick was a move he hadn’t used before, but its devastating effect was obvious. Suddenly, a new world was flooding through his mind: La Savate combat technique. His programming was still adapting, still growing.

At the edge of the square he glanced back and saw more men and women in high-visibility jackets making sure there the brief eruption of violence was definitely over. Jimmy crouched in the darkness of a doorway. La Savate combat technique, he thought to himself, stretching his limbs. I like it.

When I was writing the book I got a lot of help with the fight scenes from my friend James Southwood, who's a champion of Savate combat.

Here he is in action:

...and there's more (including some actual fight footage) over at http://www.londonsavate.co.uk/

Can you picture yourself having a go at that? Well, you should. Because James can teach you, an ordinary human being, how to do it.

James was kind enough to invite me to go and train with him, so yesterday I went to learn some Savate moves. It was incredibly fun. It's an ancient martial art that combines the punches of English boxing technique with French kick-boxing.

Even just watching James demonstrate the moves for teaching purposes was fascinating: the control, precision and power in each of his limbs was something really special to see, close up.

Not only that, but to trying to replicate the moves myself was an experience you'll never get by just watching it or writing about it. It made a huge difference to my understanding of the technique.

Before I even knew what was happening, James had me combining punches, kicks, and even a really cool move that involved kicking once, then spinning all the way round and kicking again with the sole of my other foot.

I've been practising that one round the house all day today. Killed a couple of flies and broke a mug.

Honestly, I never thought I'd get my body to move in that way. I'm still a long way from being an expert, but James was somehow able to completely demystify everything I needed to know to get started.

I'll probably post more about La Savate over the next few months, especially as I'm hoping to get together with James again for another training session. But for now, I just wanted to let you all know that if you have the chance, you should get down to one of James Southwood's Savate classes.

You should find details on the website.

The Biggest Problem in Publishing

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:38:00 +0000

I just read a blog thingy over at the Guardian that included this lovely paragraph:

"...the single biggest (but rarely acknowledged) problem in publishing today: most of the biggest firms are dominated by cynics and fools. The people in control care nothing for the quality of the product and will always put short-term gain before long-term growth. They remain frustratingly risk averse when it comes to publishing original or unusual material, or promoting new writers, but they will happily endanger their long-term survival at the merest hint of skirt from a big corporation."

Allow me to elaborate on another man's point for a while, but from a slightly different perspective: the movie business.

At the moment I'm not working on a novel, I'm working on a screenplay. There are all sorts of reasons for this, but the main one is that a producer was willing to take a risk on commissioning me to write something new, based on an original idea of mine.

Here's the thing: I didn't approach her out of the blue and offer her an idea. She liked my books so she approached me to talk about what else I could write.

This has never happened to me in the book business. If any editor ever approached me, having liked my books, and asked what other ideas I had in the pipeline that I might want to write as a novel for them, they would have my next three ideas on their desk at this very moment. Three thoroughly developed ideas, complete with sample chapters and outlines. That's three ideas from a still-fairly-young, best-selling novelist with a track record of tirelessly promoting his books online and at live performances.

But editors don't do that. They don't go out looking for the next new, original, exciting idea. We'll come back to this...

Meanwhile, the message that I get from most people in the movie industry (producers, writers, directors, film journalists etc) is that it's now almost impossible to get a big movie made unless it's already a 'known quantity'. That is, it's a remake of something that made money before, or it's based on an existing character (for example, a comic book superhero), or it's based on real life, well-known events, or (and here's an interesting one) it's an adaptation of a book that has already gathered a bit of a following.

This isn't universally true - you can still make a low budget film from an original screenplay, and even among the big budget blockbusters there have been a couple of original screenplays that have done well over the last few years. But generally speaking they are the exceptions. And you know what? I think that's perfectly understandable. It costs ga-zillions of dollars to make and promote a Summer blockbuster movie. If the film is based on an existing property it's still a massive risk, but it's at least a risk that can be measured.

This is, in theory, great for writers of books. If the big film studios want to base their blockbusters on existing novels that already have a following, then whoopee: authors rejoice.

Yet here comes the tricky part.

Publishing companies (and, for some reason, especially children's publishers) are becoming even more averse to risk than big film studios. In fact, children's book publishers seem to be putting most of their money behind titles that are, guess what: known quantities. OK, so they're also going for 'measurable risk'. Why is that OK for film companies but not book companies? Here's why:

In the book world a 'known quantity' means a title that released under the name (or 'brand') of a well-known, dead author, or a title based on existing 'properties' such as... successful films. Sales of a book are massively influenced by whether there is a movie or TV adaptation. So now publishers are doing it the other way round, to try to minimise risk.

This is why you get 'new' children's books based on properties like James Bond, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Sherlock Holmes, The Hardy Boys, Tarzan and so on.

I'm not saying these books aren't good - the new Tarzan book by Andy Briggs is really superb and you should all read it. The quality of the book depends on the writer, and he's one of the best.

But the film studios are looking to the bookworld for new, exciting, original material. All the bookworld can provide are titles based on brands made famous by films (which were, incidentally, originally adaptations of much loved books). Publishing has eaten itself.

At the same time, some of those books based on existing properties made famous by films haven't done as well as the publishers thought they would. Maybe when people are looking for a book to read they're actually looking for something new, original and exciting. Maybe by the time the book comes out based on something that's already been an old book, then a movie, then a remake of that movie, then a film-tie-in book and finally a 'new' book the brand is a little... tired. Who knows.

The books that have done REALLY well over the last decade - and I mean HUGELY REALLY VERY WELL INDEED - were all original book ideas. Off the top of my head: Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Wimpy Kid, Twilight, Alex Rider and so on. They were not based on films. They were all, once, original, untried and untested and they all grew fairly slowly to start with before gathering a bit of momentum based on their own originality and quality.

The big publishers don't do that any more.

If I ran a publishing company, even if I were completely cynical and only interested in money, I would surely make more by creating new brands that film companies can adapt into big movies, instead of leeching off the estates of dead authors and the copyrighted characters owned by film companies.

In fact, I'd go further. Most publishers don't get the film rights to a book from an author, because most authors know that they'll get more (and have more chance of a movie being made) if they keep hold of those film rights and try to interest a film company directly. If a publisher does get the film rights, they simply do the same - try to interest a film company in purchasing those rights and making a film.

So how about this: my publishing company would have a film production division. When I bought the rights to a new book, I would also get the film division involved to make a separate offer for the film rights. If the author doesn't want to sell, fine. But if it's a half decent offer it'll be very attractive - it's an offer made before the book is published, before anybody else has expressed an interest, and from a proper film production company with a chance to get the film made and even more of a vested interest in doing so because the sister-division is publishing the book.

Then the film production division of my publishing company would develop the property as any film production company would - most likely in co-production with somebody else. But it would mean that the publisher of the book would be in a better position to make money from the property if a film does get made: not just from increased sales of the book, but because they were a producing partner and helped to get it made in the first place.

In other words, if publishers only put big money behind books based on existing brands they're not going to make as much money back as if they seek out genuinely new ideas and help to develop them across all media.

If I started an independent publishing company it would be with the principle that I am also an independent but ambitious film & TV production company. In a world where most of the major publishers are owned by parent companies that also own film studios, I don't really understand why this doesn't happen already. If it doesn't happen soon, publishers will quickly become wholly unnecessary entities that only exist to publish film spin-off titles.

So that's why I'm writing a screenplay.

Three Basic, Essential Resources for Aspiring Writers

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Mon, 23 May 2011 14:17:00 +0000

In the last couple of weeks I've had a surge of emails from people asking me to read books that they've written, or stories that they want to get published so they can become international superstars with their own Formula 1 track, truffle farm, tailored suits, hand-rolled M&M's, purple private jet and all the other trappings of being an author that I enjoy on a daily basis.

I will reply to everybody - eventually. But in the meantime I thought it might help for me to put up here three really good resources for anybody who wants to write professionally.

Once I've recommended these, there's not much more advice that I can offer to help you get published (actually, that's not true - I have LOADS more advice, I'm just going to save it for another blog post at some point later).

Anyway, here are three websites you'll find useful.

First, the big daddy. If it weren't rude to respond to people with emails of a single sentence, I would just write: "Get a copy of the Writers' & Artists' Yearbook." As it is, I usually have to pad out that reply with some "ooh" and "aah" and "hello" and "how's your knee?" etc.

Here's the link to their site: http://www.writersandartists.co.uk/

Next up, a website that's evolved a bit since I started recommending it, so check it out and see what you think. This one is a little more US-centric, but still packed with useful information and chit-chat: http://www.authoradvance.com/

Finally, a new site has popped up that looks incredibly useful if you're interested in writing for children. More than that, it looks essential. It's very clearly laid out and well written, and it even has an easy-to-read list of all the main UK publishers of children's books. Have a little look:

http://publishedworld.com/index.php?page=publisherpage

Now, you shouldn't be sending your stories straight to these publishers, but you should get yourself familiar with what they're publishing and what they're interested in. Browse around the rest of the site to see which books are big, which are well-reviewed. Hey, you might even want to read some of these books.

Then use the first two links to find an agent.

Oh, and how's your knee?

New Book Proposal

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Thu, 12 May 2011 17:13:00 +0000

Isn't it time I took suggestions directly from my readers?

This afternoon, on facebook, I was offered some advice that is basically a complete book proposal. I have just deleted all the outlines and sample chapters I was working on, and instead I'm going to send this off.

The suggestion was that I should write:

"...some thing about like a zombie apocalypse and jimmy Coates does stuff"

What more could you want? It's perfect.

Now to get my beating stick so I can beat off those publishers...

The Thrill Of Being A Worm And Not A Cow

noreply@blogger.com (Joe Craig) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 23:47:00 +0000

I just printed the outline to a story that I'm excited about.

There are very few feelings as good as this. It started out as a bunch of ideas, then scribblings in notebooks, now it's typed up into a structure and it's down on the page.

Now if I work really hard and with unceasing effort, it might one day become a story.

To celebrate this exciting stage, here is a short poem I wrote:

Sometimes don't you wish you had an udder?

Or that like the worm you could make silk?

I guess if it's a choice of one or other

I'd rather poo pashminas than be milked.