This coming Saturday on May 11, 2013, I will be selling at the Marco Polo Cruise Terminal in Uptown Saint John. This event is in support of St. Joseph’s Hospital Auxiliary.

Only a limited amount of teatime tickets are sold for this event. And they do have a few tickets remaining. You can phone (506) 632-5716 to buy your ticket.

Teatimes are for:

• 11:00AM – 1:00PM,
• 1:00PM to 3:00PM
• or 3:00PM to 5:00PM

I’m looking forward to seeing you all at the event. I have many new artworks and newly created locket sets to share with you. I’ll also have a good selection of Spring themed art and greeting cards on hand just in time for Mother’s Day.

Below is a shot of my table at the Qplex Spring Stop & Shop just before the show opened from last weekend. Thanks to everyone who stopped by.

I will be selling at the Annual Spring Qplex Stop & Shop in Quispamsis this Sunday, May 5th from 11:00 to 4:00.

This is my first showing of the 2013 Season! I have many new limited edition fine art prints, specially matted and framed items and greeting cards ready for the show.

If you can’t make it out to the Qplex I’ll have a booth at the Marco Polo Cruise Terminal in Saint John next weekend on May 11th. And don’t forget that Mother’s Day is next Sunday on the 12th.

I’m excited and will be hauling my 22 weeks pregnant belly to the show. Hope to see you there!

I finished this kitty cat art a couple of weeks ago.

Paper Size – 12×12 inches / 30,5cm by 30,5cm
Limited Edition of 100 only – available in my art shop

Purrfect for the cat lover in your life!

Here is a shot of Little Orange in progress inside the handmade leather bound sketchbook that Chris purchased for me for Christmas last year.

And below are my three sleepy kitties from yesterday morning.

And these are my three sleepy kitties basking in the mid-morning morning sun from yesterday.

I drew this pretty pregnant woman when I was about 13 weeks pregnant and struggling to get over first trimester morning sickness, dizziness and low blood pressure and later coloured her by hand around 18 weeks pregnant when I was feeling much better.

The size of this print is 8.5 by 11 inches / 20,5cm by 28cm. With Child is a limited edition of 250 only and i chose to print her on a natural coloured acid and lignon free paper.

I don’t think you really know how bad you were feeling until you actually begin to feel better. I am 20 weeks pregnant today and my belly is growing and growing. I’m feeling pretty good though.

Chris and I decided to not find out the gender of the baby so it’ll be a surprise when he or she arrives in early September.

This is the original ink drawing before I began adding in the coloured pencil.

With Child will make a beautiful baby shower shower gift or gift to a newly pregnant woman. You can get one in my Etsy Shop.

So, I’m still working on paperwork for the 2012 year. Holy Cow.

I began using WaveApps earlier in January as doing “it” by hand was just not cutting it any longer. What a marvelous piece of cloud based accounting software. As long as you understand basic bookkeeping you can use Wave Accounting software. The nice thing about Wave is it’s made in Canada and therefore has everything a Canadian small business or self employed person needs.

Anyhow,

1. I have been working in some form or other since about the age of 12.
2. And I’ve been self employed for 95% to 100% of that time.
3. The longest full-time job that I held lasted for 14 months.
4. I’ve only had THREE full-time jobs in my life. I quit two and was laid off of the the other.
5. Since quitting drugs seven years ago then smoking 16 months ago and finally drinking 14 months ago my life, career and creativity have stabilized… if that makes sense?
6. I’ve held numerous part-time jobs over the years to get me out of the studio so to speak… stock-person, picture framer, sales clerk, children’s art instructor, gallery manager, inventory clerk, bathroom cleaner, newspaper girl, sign painter, room rental landlord etc.
7. I’m healthier, happier and more driven when fending for myself to earn money.
8. I’ve never been able to qualify for either life or personal health insurance and that has made me very sad at times but uber-driven to live a healthy lifestyle. And none of the three full-time jobs I had offered group insurance.
9. I am 39 years old.
10. Nifty fact… As a full-time self-employed artist living in Canada I can legally claim all clothing purchased that I wear to public art shows on my income tax as an expense against my gross income.

I also read this article on home offices on CBC today and found it rather interesting. All I can say is dot your I’s and cross your T’s.

The drawing above is called PaperWork is for the Birds.

And you don’t know where you’ll end up until you take that leap of faith.

Last July life got a whole lot busier for me. I began working more at the City Market producing and selling art at the stall and Chris became a full-time parent overnight. Our lives changed instantly as Chris scrambled to find a way to look after his son while he was at work full-time. His son turned 12 shortly after and was then able to spend a few hours alone here and there so that helped.

It hit me hard. Chris went from sharing custody 50/50 with his ex to having his son full-time with no extra money, support or anything. It took a toll on our five month old relationship but it also opened it in another way and I got to see how wonderful this man really was. I also got to know his son better and saw how great of a kid he was.

While dating and single from 2007 to 2012, before Chris and I got together, I swore up and down not to date a man with children because of the experiences I had with them. These men were completely absent in their children’s lives or kept me a secret from their kids and/or their ex or were dating multiple women and lying about it. These things didn’t bode well for me as I wanted to someday have a child of my own and very much wanted an involved father in that child’s life.

So I began dating men without kids and usually these men were kids themselves who were more interested in their boats, bikes and pensions than in finding common ground to walk on together. I managed quite well to attract men who wanted no commitment.

I then quit smoking and quit drinking shortly after and began to see “I” was the reason for not attracting a quality man into my life. Well… half the reason… at least.

I’ve known Chris a long time… since I was 19… so 20 years… long… time. We grew up in the same neighborhood. He went out with a good friend of mine as a teenager. He was also a mutual friend of my ex-husband and I. I can remember sitting on the couch talking with Chris while my ex was engrossed in video games. I was never just Jessica. I was Andy’s girlfriend then wife… then ex. This all seems so long ago. A lifetime ago.

We all attended college together and Chris hung out with my ex at our apartment. We partied together but mostly I stayed home as I was sick a lot during college with Chron’s disease and physically could not handle the late nights and party’s. We all studied Graphic Design, surface design and illustration.

After Fredericton we both went our separate ways. Chris spent some time in Toronto and then had his son here in Saint John. He married and raised his two step-children and his own child. All the while I divorced and partied my ass off for five years in Saint John, Fredericton and Vancouver, perhaps making up for losing most of my twenties to severe illness and for marrying a man who didn’t share the same values and morals as I did. And there is no fault in that, it’s just the way the cards played out.

And now, 20 years later Chris and I find ourselves expecting a baby, dealing with extensive child custody and divorce issues, managing two homes, three cats and simply doing our best to keep healthy organic food on the table, the bills paid up-to-date and all the while we both are doing it sober.

Our life may seem mundane to some but it’s our life and the one we are choosing to live. Chris partied lots during his teens and early twenties while I got the partying out of my system in my late twenties and early thirties. And while I miss the parties on occasion, it’s a rather nostalgic feeling of been there done that, had fun and moving on now to the next stage of my life kind of feeling.

And I’m so grateful and lucky to have this man to share this stage of life with.

I love you Chris.

Pete measures 9×9 inches (23cm by 23cm) and was drawn with Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens inside a huge handmade leather bound sketchbook that I received as a gift for Christmas from Chris.

I’ll add some colour to him soon. And to see him up close and personal just click on him and be happy.

I have never felt more hungry in all my life than during the last 10 weeks. I can’t seem to get enough food into me before my stomach is growling and howling again for more.

We eat a relatively well balanced, organic diet that does contain grass fed beef, free range chicken and organically raised pork. We eat many vegetarian meals too. We avoid soy products except for Bragg Soy Seasoning which is GMO free and certified organic. I love food so much that I’ve already put on 5lbs and can not fit into any of my clothes that don’t have stretch in them.

I do not take prenatal vitamins. I do take 500mg folic acid and 650mg calcium with vitamin D daily. My blood and urine tests show I’m healthy except for the deviant hypothyroid in the neck. The doctor raised the dose of Synthroid two days ago that I’m on to 125mcg from 88mcg. I already notice a positive difference in how my brain is functioning. But, unfortunately, the norm persisted and around 2:00 in the afternoon I started feeling dizzy, extremely bloated, bump into things and need to lay down for a couple of hours until it passes. And while this can be pregnancy related I’m realizing that it could be the dang thyroid wreaking havoc too.

I don’t know what is potentially crohn’s, thyroid or pregnancy related anymore. These last couple of weeks feel like the chron’s I had 15 years ago has been reactivated but then again it could be my uterus stretching. I spent so much time in the bathroom two days ago that could be because of the Synhtroid increase, it could also be because of the spicy food I ate or it could be a bug. I go to see a high risk pregnancy gynecologist/obstetrician on the 26th due to being over 35, pregnant and hypothyroid. I’ll be 12 weeks pregnant by then. The adjustment in Synthroid played havoc with my metabolism yesterday.

And today on this lovely Valentine’s Day I’m feeling a bit better albeit still dizzy I don’t feel the need to incessantly lay my head and body down like yesterday or the day before.

They say you should enjoy all of your pregnancy. And while I am I can not be happy about the pain of not being able to breath at night due to not being able to take my preferred antihistamine or smile about the candida that wreaked havoc on my body earlier this trimester.

These side effects could very well be first trimester agony’s that will pass by the end of this month. I really hope they are. I know something has recently passed because I’m able to write and form sentences again.

And the dreams of water… they are wonderfully incessant. I dream of water nearly every night. Calm dark waters that I float in and urgently awake and run to the bathroom to pee usually like clockwork at 4:00AM. Another dream was a mystical garden filled with large carved stone hands on long arms with each finger sprouting a single fountain of water streaming from it onto a green wonderfully overgrown garden bed. And last night I dreamt of sitting in a circle with people with my belly round and hanging out and drinking water.

So yeah, I’m pregnant. After wanting a baby my whole life, well, since about age 24, and it not happening with my exes, it’s actually happened and it was planned between Chris and I. And we couldn’t be happier.

Getting a positive pregnancy test on New Years Eve was incredible.

When you haven’t written in so long it’s easier to keep on not writing. But, in the back of your mind, the words and letters keep churning and jumbling up and into empty space until you get them written down in a tangible form. While I have been drawing pictures, it’s the words that weren’t making sense to me and therefore I did not write.

These last six months have been nothing but life changing. I haven’t found God or anything like that but I have found the courage to live more honestly and to trust in those people whom, let me, into their lives. You can’t help but wonder how you could have lived the way you did for such a long time repeating gesture after gesture after ever after.

There is solace in repetitive movement and even in the the state of inaction… the ticks, the drinks, the inhalations, the thoughts, the running, the drawing, the writing, the eating, the frantic screaming, it all soothes anxiety and mends the hearts of troubled souls irregardless of how temporary or destructive in nature this self-soothing may be. We can only go on circling for so long in a state of chaos before spinning out.

So, last night I made some chunky orange lemon marmelade from scratch. That sums up my everything.

Happy 2013!

AND FYI… Handmade 2013 desk and wall calendars are listed for sale in the shop.

The Marmelade recipe I adapted from the Mad Scientist and home Cooking. Also, I used an extra amount or orange peelings that I have been freezing over the last few months. If you are going to make marmalade DO USE certified organic citrus fruit as the peelings are not sprayed or died.

It’s been a long time since I felt confident enough to say I love what I do. Selling at the City Market over the last few weeks has been a blessing. I worked hard to find full-time work outside of the home yet almost every door I knocked on stayed closed for the last seven years. So, I’ve always returned to creating my own work.

Not everyone is meant to work a 9 to 5 job and this time around I accept that. Just as I’m not supposed to drink or smoke. It’s been over five months since I had my last drink and while it’s occasionally hard, it’s getting easier to focus on life without donning the rosé coloured glasses.

And it’s very strange to begin seeing clearly the reasons you drank, used drugs or smoked.

I “used”, to dull emotions, senses and stimuli. I would then use to heighten them when I didn’t have enough energy.

I feel more high sober than I did high so to speak. I’m accepting the strong emotions and insane bursts of energy and focus as they come on and the people closest to me accept them too. I let those people know what’s going on and don’t bottle the sh!t up nor spend too much time alone except when working here in the studio or when resting after work.

And I’m working lots these days. The pictures in this post are scenes from the Saint John City Market, the monthly outdoor Queen Square Market, a new owl limited edition print and of the mantle in my living room. That piece sold and is on route to Indiana at the time of this writing. But, you can get your own limited edition Sassy Sea Urchin here to frame and hang on your wall form the shop.

And the boyfriend has been a positive influence on me for sticking to a routine especially when getting to bed and getting up in the morning. We drink tea and talk, go for long walks, cook meals, spend time with family, play games, explore, laugh and enjoy the present. We have much in common and enough self interests to keep things interesting and moving forward. Most of all our core values, beliefs and morals are in line with one and other.

I didn’t know that life could be this way. And I didn’t know that by saying “no” to things that didn’t feel right that eventually the right stuff would make it’s way into my life.

BTW… i’ll be at the Saint John City Market on June 30th and again on July 1st in my regular stall down by Pete’s Frootique. Drop in to say hi! I’ve got many new framed pieces to choose from, new prints and the locket sets too.

I’ll be selling my work at the Queen Square Farmer’s Market in the South end of Saint John this Sunday, June 17th, 2012 from 8:30AM to 2:00PM.

My booth number is 26. The rain date is the following Sunday, however the weather forecast for this Sunday is looking mighty fine and sunny!

And yesterday I began selling my art and paper goods in the historic Saint John City Market located in Uptown Saint John. This market officially opened in 1876!

I will be at the City Market on all days when cruise ships are docking at the Port of Saint John. You can read the hectic cruise ship schedule here. It’s about 70 days in total from now until the end of October.

The next cruise ship day is this Saturday, June 16th. It’s looking to be a mighty busy weekend for me. Hope to see you out and about on either of those two days. I’ll be at the foot of the market this Saturday from 9:00AM to 5:00PM in beside Pete’s Fruitique in one of the nifty red stalls.

A few days ago Sue from Michigan emailed this lovely photo of George matted, framed and hanging on this bathroom wall.

Initially Sue emailed asking if I could print George at a larger than 8.5 x 11 inch size so that it would cover 12 x 16 inch wall area. I wrote back saying, that while yes, I can print it out at that size, just to keep in mind that once matted and framed a letter sized print would be around the size she had wanted.

She went ahead purchased the letter sized George about a month ago.

Sue emails…

Jessica – I have attached my framed print of “George” and he looks wonderful in my remodeled bathroom… Thank you so much for brightening my day – every day – when I look at him. I have received so many compliments on the picture. They all love it.

And continues on after I wrote asking for permission to share the photo with you all here on the blog,

You sure can share it with everyone. You should be so proud of him because every time I look at him, I smile, and that’s so important these days. Being in my bathroom he gets frequented often and it’s so much fun to just look at him and smile.

Have a great weekend and thanks again for your wonderful talent!

Sue

Thank you Sue!

George, the pretty fish is available in three sizes…

1. Limited Edition ACEO Sized George
2. 5×7 Inch George
3. Letter Sized George

The Original illustration of George was purchased by a local Canadian Art Collector 18 months ago.

After a couple of weeks of reading too many self help sites and reminicing over what doctors, councillors, and other medical professionals and what family and friends have said or not said or suggested I find myself thinking back to when I was healing after a second surgery for Chron’s Desease which saw 11 inches of ileum removed, the right fallopian tube and ovary scraped of inflammation and one ureter put back into place. I weighed 95lbs at the time of surgery.

The doctors told me I would be sick for the rest of my life. That I would relpase within five years and most likely have another major surgery within eight years. That I’d be medicated on 5-ASA, Pentasa, antibiotics and/or steroids indefinitely that (in 1998) were costing me $300 to $400 per month. I really considered going on welfare so the meds were covered by the government.

With the support of a few close family members and friends I bucked the treatment after six or seven months and began seeking an alternative to the naysaying specialists who, yes, did save my life by removing the rotting intestine and gangrenous apendix but who, by no means offered any words of encouragement or even considered that there was an alternative to taking medications that were causing more side effects than doing good.

I’m happy to say I’ve been in remission of crohn’s since September 1997. That is 15 years. I learned that drinking a bottle of Bio-K and taking pro-biotics on a daily basis for one month straight was enough to ween myself off of the drugs after having followed a strict diet set out by a nutritionist. She first instilled positive knowledge by saying “try it out” and “introduce one food at a time and pay close attention to your body in how it reacts and adjust what you eat or don’t eat as needed”.

I learned that fast and processed food were what may have triggered the crohn’s disease to begin with. I learned that I can eat popcorn, raw vegetables, potatoes, drink milk, eat whole grain products and savour crunchy nuts and fresh fruit with seeds. And to this day eating excess white flour, white sugar, soy and processed or fast foods set me off and cause me to either vomit or have diarrhea which are hallmark symptoms of crohn’s! How odd. I still ingest Bio-K during a potential flare-up and take Natural Factors Acidophlis and Bifidus capsules everyday.

But, the biggest change of all happened on the inside after the surgery. I mentally shifted the hopelessness into repetitive reafirming positive thoughts followed by action.

It meant leaving a husband and his family behind, dissolving a legal business partnership and losing all the graphic design and illustration clientele after my hard drive was mysteriously wiped and moving back to my hometown in 2001. I never looked back.

I’m a fighter and will by no means let the disease of addiction ruin me. It may cause spiritual, emotional or physical pain for short periods of time during my lifetime, just as crohn’s does, but it also makes me sensitive, empathetic and courageous when faced with both adversity and this feeling of emptiness that comes along when you have nothing else to lose but yourself.

In Saint John they don’t look at the fact that I was a social user of alcohol for five years after cleaning up from addiction in 2006 followed by one year of problem drinking that lead to detox this January. Whether I return to drinking or not is something I will decide on my own with the help of those who are closest to me. I guess if I can control and moderate eating only one peice of cake or one piece of white bread every now and then why can’t I moderate what I drink? The clean up process of addiction feels eerily similar to cleaning up from Crhon’s. You simply learn what works and what doesn’t and adjust accordingly or experience a relapse and need hospitalization.

I am a firm believer that this abstinence from alcohol is allowing me to think more clearly on whether I even want to test the waters or not, just as abstaining from certain foods gave my body, mind and soul time to recover from crohn’s to make healthy decisions on how to proceed.

Rest assured that if I began eating fast and processed foods on a daily basis that I’d likely need another bowel resection and that if I return to what I drank before I would need to detox again.

Tomorrow, on May 25th I’ll be four months sober.

The two drawings in this post were drawn shortly after being released from the hospital. they were drawn with coloured pencil and india ink.

This past weekend I spent Mother’s Day at my folk’s place helping outside in the garden.

We planted organic seed potatoes and complained about the creeping charlie and talked about how well the strawberry rhubarb is growing this season.

It was a peaceful day.

A few months ago, Kayleigh wrote asking for permission to use my artwork as a tattoo. She wanted to use the opening owl from this blog post as the basis for her tattoo.

The final tattoo turned out pretty fabulous don’t you think! I’m truly honoured that someone liked my artwork enough to have it tattooed on their skin.

Thanks for sending in the picture Kayleigh.

Interested in getting a tattoo of my artwork… simply download it from HandmadeCloud.

Ideally we’d all be unique and wondrous at all times. This, however, would be difficult to achieve and maintain.

As children we were so. But, as we grew into adulthood we were taught to let go of this wonder and form into lines one after the other as we proceeded to checkout. While we are unique, we are more the same than we really want to admit. It is only through actions that we render each other indifferent perhaps.

Maybe it comes down to being honest with what makes you tick with those you love, admire and trust.

The drawing above was created using Prismacolor Verithin coloured pencils and Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens inside a Fabriano Quadrato Artist Journal.

Want to support the artist who wrote this post? Go and buy some snazzy wall swag directly from her.

Have you ever noticed how busy people seem to get more done?

I’ve heard that if you have a task that needs completing, give it to a busy person. They’ll get it done. Probably in a timely fashion too.

Maybe it has something to do with physics. People with a lot to do have a lot more energy whirling around them. They’re already moving fast. Adding something else just propels them faster. Tasks are easy because they’re used to doing them. They cook and clean simultaneously.

Now think of that person who never does anything. Their biggest contribution in life is unlocking a weapon in a video game. They sleep during the day. They have all the free time in the world to complete as many projects as they want. Yet… Would you have any confidence whatsoever that this person would be able to complete your task at all, let alone quickly?

I wouldn’t either. 

And I’ve been thinking about that fact. Does increasing how busy I am make it more likely that I will be better at getting things done? From personal experience, it does.

I often joke that I’m a lazy person, self-conscious that there’s hidden truth there. Perhaps there is, but over the last 7 years, I have been progressively increasing how much I do in life. And strangely, nowadays, I do a lot more. And it keeps growing. I even have more energy when doing things. I can squish multiple tasks together and get even more done! 

Before I started down the Krav Maga rabbit hole, I couldn’t fathom how people went to the gym every day. How did they fit it in with their lives? Doesn’t it require a lot of preparation and recovery? Don’t you have to change clothes frequently? It all seemed so overwhelming and impossible. 

Then I met people who did go to Krav every day. Some also did other things, like weightlifting, running, surfing, paddleboarding… ON THE SAME DAY! And they also had jobs, and had to do grocery shopping. This amazed me. But I already knew the truth.

They were able to get more done because they were already busy.

It wasn’t too difficult to see the lesson. I know that the more I’ve done in life, the more I’m able to do. The busier I am, the more I accomplish. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around it, but it’s true. The more you have to do, the faster you work.

Which is not to say not to have downtime. Breaks and retreats from chaos are important, necessary even to keep going on that trajectory of progress. But if you spend more time doing nothing than you do accomplishing things, it’s not downtime at all. It’s your life. And you can’t enjoy your recreation when you do nothing else. If your life is one big break, it’s not fulfilling. Taking a break after working hard is rewarding. Sleeping your life away is dismal and sad. And it slows your life to a halt while everyone else seems to be moving at warp speed.

Now you’re doing nothing and you can’t accomplish anything.

Busy, busy, busy. Go, go, go.

I want to test that theory out. I want to add more, to see if more gets done. I want to be a good artist, a good athlete, and a good businessperson. All of it. This isn’t just experimental. This is straight up practicality. If I believe that busier people get more done, I need to become a busy person. Even if I have to force it at first. It’s like training a muscle. It becomes easier as you become stronger, and then you’re able to do even more with it. 

At the end of your life, you don’t want to focus on all you didn’t do. You’ll want to focus on all you did. Which, hopefully, if you get your physics right, will be a lot.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

Abigail was created with ink and coloured pencil on ingris paper. She measures 9×9 inches.

She’s a rather phat birdie!

I’ve been listing many original illustrations in the shop. More will be added in the coming weeks. It feels great to be working again. I’m so glad you are all here. You give me hope to continue onwards.

I don’t see dead people but I’ve certainly been seeing my share of dead birds lately. This latest pigeon was bludgeoned in the Woodlawn Schoolyard off Westmorland Road this past Sunday evening on April 29th.

At first I thought it was just a bunch of feathers strewn across the green but upon closer inspection the carcass was fresh and dripping with blood. My co-walker and myself were certainly grossed out as I kneeled to get a closer look.

I think the stray cats or hawks or eagles in the neighborhood are attacking!

On a brighter note… the grass is certainly growing green on this side these days!

Meet “Delilah the Fish” who is the newest member of the growing fish family.

She measures 8.5 x 11 inches (21,5cm by 27,7cm) and was created with the finest artist quality inks and coloured pencils on archival card stock.

Fish look wonderful hanging in bathrooms or in children’s bedrooms. They add a special bit a sea life to any home.

The original is listed here and limited edition prints are listed here. Do note that I am only producing 25 limited edition prints of Delilah.

And you can download a high resolution scan of Delilah and print out a whopping 29 by 22 inch version if you like from here!

When you have felt bad for so long you don’t realize how bad you actually were feeling until you feel a bit better. And when you really begin to believe that when you let go of all that bad, your heart will automatically open and be receptive to all the good.

I drew this mystical marine anemone with ink and coloured pencil inside a 9×9 inch Fabriano Quadrato Artist Journal.

This drawing is reminiscent of a previous work from April 2011.

This mandala, however has little groupie bots looking out for her.

I sketched this out with india ink, coloured pencil and used a little watercolour too. And the previous original mandala drawing is listed for sale in the shop now.

Happy Monday!

Before the rains came over this last week and began turning most everything green we set out in the mid-evening crossing Bayside Drive and entered into the mouth of the Marsh Creek area where it meets the Bay of Fundy on foot along the railway tracks. We walked along and then down to the shore on the North side of the Courtenay Bay Causeway during low-tide.

A herd of deer that live down here, however, all we caught were their white bums skipping away from us as we approached them. They moved away too fast for me to capture them on film.

There is a copious amount of plastic debris washing up on the shore from the ocean… including the little pink pig, syringes, plastic bags, bottles and thousands upon thousands of tampon applicators. Use a menstral cup already women.

Before the Courtenay Bay Causeway was built this area was home to the largest shipbuilding operation in Eastern Canada and remnants of that bygone era remain here to this day. This area was a tidal ocean front beach where even my Dad used to play when he was a kid.

Even with the plastics dotting the grassy marsh it’s still pristine and relatively untouched by human hands.

When you look West you can see the beginning of Uptown Saint John (Central City) and the South End Peninsula.

During the next few years an amazing restoration will be taking place… The Marsh Creek area is being restored, cleaned up and made fit for human consumption again. Bike and walking trails with elevated decks and lookouts will be added.

Many different species of birds and wildlife call this area home including this decapitated seagull.

At sunset we began making our way back East.

And at dusk we walked back into the hood.

Lately I’ve realized that the best method I have for accomplishing goals is setting them to begin with. Revolutionary, I know.

I’m a big goal setter. Usually. At the very least, I firmly believe in the concept. But occasionally I lapse into this weird space where I’m terrified to set any goals, because that would mean I’ve committed myself to accomplishing them. And sometimes I just don’t want to accomplish things. Sometimes I want to live in that place where anything is possible and I can dream REALLY big because there’s no deadline looming in the future that will prove my goals were too big to accomplish in the first place.

Which is how I see the world when I’m lost in this space. It’s fear, really. One moment of avoidance becomes another, until you have a long string of goal-evasion that has replaced all you’ve previously accomplished. When you have no goals to meet, nothing pressing on your mind that you must work at, ANYTHING is possible! I can be a princess! On a unicorn! On Mars!

This past year, since my last show, I’ve been avoiding planning another one. There’s a lot of work involved and honestly, I didn’t want to think about it. Instead, I wanted to paint freely, without the pressure of show-planning. Do a bunch of art for me, without time constraints and distraction. So I did. And now I have all these great paintings I’m working on, and a full collection that, once completed, I will inevitably want to show people. In public. With promotion. And wine. And fanfare.

Oh. I see how that works.

The goal was always there, I just refused to commit to it. It’s an interesting reflection of life, too. Things will always happen, whether we plan for them or not. Some people take initiative and do their best to choose (at least some of) the events in their life. Others close their eyes and shut out the process, waiting for life to choose things for them, suffering the repercussions of not taking the reigns, getting dragged along wherever the spooked horses and decrepit wagon takes them.

My favorite goal setting method is the tried and true, commit-to-things-without-thinking-and-worry-about-it-after-the-fact method.

Pick a goal. Then pick a date. Throw something out there spontaneously without too much thought and stick to it. Say it out loud so that people outside of you know it exists. Remove any ability to back out quietly. Commit yourself. Then, relish in all that beautiful pressure!

Knowing that this method works, I just recently I came up with a date for a show. Later this year. That I will have to promote and plan and figure out. Yikes. I guess I better get started on that. There’s pressure. There’s deadlines. There’s people who expect me to complete this goal. I’ve successfully done this before, so that’s reassuring. I know I can do it.

And the strange thing is, now that I’ve committed myself, I feel an overwhelming calm about it. Having something to work with is certainly better than the dark unknown. In retrospect, the solution was so obvious, and so easy. The hard part will be remembering this (again) after my next show is over.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

You gotta swallow hard when what’s around you is changing more rapidly than you are able to handle. This is the point when you realize you can not go back, but are terrified to more forward, and more than that, numb to the present. For me this point hit on Day 4 while detoxing in late January.

You can’t breath and you can’t exhale.

1. Sobriety and Addiction
2. Yin and Yang
3. Alpha and Omega

I forced myself to draw while in detox for fear that if I didn’t I would not know how to afterwards.