Dear [Every CEO of Every Software and Services Company],

I am busy.

I know you know I’m busy. Heck, you might be busy too for all I know. Still, I feel like I have to say that to each and every day to one more of your minions. Sales reps, marketing reps, cold call reps slogging it out to get a call set up for the next boss on the ladder… These are the people you send my way. They clutter my inbox and their cheerful voices die the slow death of entropy in my voicemail box.

I am busy.

By the way, I’m not the only one who is busy. All of my colleagues are busy too. Not just the people I work with here, but all the people in the same line of business at other companies too. We’re busy, but drip by drip you cut into our productivity by sending your forces in through any means necessary.

Do I have your attention?

How to Talk to Busy People

And yet, people have to earn a living so the calls must go on.

If the calls must come, and surely they will, here are a few things to get you off on the right foot:

• Find the right person before you fling your forces against the castle wall – There is really nothing more annoying than receiving an unsolicited email followed up by everyone in the organization forwarding the same email because you could be bothered to find the right person in the first place.
• Don’t tell me you just want to learn about my business – You don’t. I know it and you know it. You want to sell me something. Instead of feigning interest in what I do, explain to me why I should care about what you do.
• Tell me the price – Come on. We both know that you have a price. Yes, there might be a million custom things that could change that price, but you still have a price. Share it up front and get it out of the way. Everyone know the relationship-building game is just way to make it more difficult for the mark to say no. If you have a great product and I have a need, I won’t say no. If you try to manufacture a relationship or a need, then I’m going to say no.
• Don’t try to be smarter than me – This is not to say you’re not smarter. Maybe you are. However, don’t come on with a sales tactic designed to make me fearful of my intellect or strategy. It makes you look really stupid when you make a misstep (and you will).

What Actually Works

Product: If you don’t have a great product, then stop trying to sell whatever you have and go back to the drawing board. If you don’t think this is very helpful, then you’re in the wrong line of business. Seriously.

Honesty: Be 100% transparent. Quickly and succinctly tell me why I should spend my company’s time looking at your product. Tell me how much it costs and why you price it that way. Don’t show me logos of other companies using your product until the end because frankly I don’t care. I care about my company first.

Listening: No means no. You might need to knock on a hundred doors to get a yes, but knocking on the same door a hundred times will get a pot of boiling water thrown on you. No means no.

I can’t promise that following all of this advice will work wonders on your sales process, but I can assure you that it will keep your company’s name from getting blacklisted.

If you take a peek in the Facebook comments, you’ll see a nice, long response by yours truly. Yes, I’ve finally decided to weigh in publicly on the rage that is Daily Deals (Groupon, Living Social, etc).

I’ve reposted my response below for posterity, but let me be clear: there’s a place for daily deals but they are not a panacea. They can be one of the most expensive ways to acquire new customers and retailers need to be careful.

Here are my three (3) rules for evaluating deals:

1. Always make a decision on the numbers – There are some things you might do just for the fun of it. We usually refer to this as “doing it the brand”. However, deals where you are putting real money on the table need to be evaluated using metrics and realistic expecations.
2. Always cut your expectations in half – If it turns out you’re right, then you can be pleasantly surprised.
3. Always be blunt when someone tries to make you violate #1 or #2 – You can’t blame the partner if you didn’t stick to your guns.

If it looks too good to be true it probably is, but that doesn’t mean there’s not something to it.

Now that I’ve said all the tough guy stuff, let me also say that I’m not exactly shy about business. I’m always up for trying new ideas and testing new channels. I mean, ThinkGeek grew by 55% last year. Don’t think I’m being cocky here either. A lot of people worked very hard to make this possible. What I’m saying is that we certainly didn’t accomplish results like that by running away from new business.

So, here are my three (3) rules for testing new sources:

1. Limit Your Exposure – A test is only a test if you can control the size of the deal.
2. Avoid One Way Streets – Can you back out of the deal if something goes wrong or shut down the test early? if not, you’re probably going to regret it.
3. Measure Everything – If you can’t track the test, you can’t say it worked. If you don’t measure the results, you’ll be n the dark about true impact of the rollout. Measure everything you can.

Maybe this isn’t a perfect formula but it’s working pretty well.

Got an opinion? Drop way down to the comments and tell me what you think.

Appendix: The Daily Deal Reply

Here’s what I had to say:

Sorry but your numbers are unrealistic for most if not all retail businesses.

The deal hunters of the world are interested in only one thing: deals. They won’t pay more, and they’re more likely to take advantage of low margin products (to maximize the value of the deal). There’s nothing wrong with that of course, but retailers really need to think this through using realistic data.

Here’s a analysis of your post and model:

Overage: The example in your post assumes a 50-100% overage rate. In the retail world, that simply does not happen. Ever. Your Excel model is a little more realistic, but 14% is too generous for forecasting. In selling to a discount-minded audience, the best you can realistically expect is 5%.

COGS: In your Excel model, you assume 40%. This may be true of service business but not true in retail. Even most apparel businesses don’t get close to that number. In addition, discount-minded customers rarely buy items where you’ve got great margin. They look to maximize the deal by buying items on sale or items with razor thin margins where they can’t get a deal anywhere except by using that coupon.

Commission: Your Excel model assumes a 40% commission. That’s not happening with any deal network. 50% is the floor and it goes up from there.

Using your model, if I change overage, COGS, and commission to realistic numbers the merchant loses $3 per customer.

But I can’t really stop there…

In your model you assume three (3) repeat visits for new customers. You also assume that the “conversion-to-repeat” will be static. In other words, there’s no entropy over time of the original 20% who return. This is unrealistic. First, for forecasting purposes you shouldn’t assume more than one (1) repeat visit. If you can’t make money from an acquisition after the second sale, you’ve got a bad channel. Second, over time, the number of customers who return from the initial acquisition is going to degrade. Not only that, but it’s going to degrade very sharply. You’re going to go from 20% on second purchase to 5% to 4% and then probably level off after that at 2% of the original batch of customers… if you’re lucky.

I’ll meet you half way though and only change repeat visits to 1.5 and ignore the entropy factor. Now, I’ve lost $5.90 per customer.

You also recommend that businesses provide a second incentive to a discount-minded customer. You’ve brought in a deal hunter to your shop and converted them to a customer and then you reinforce the discount mindset by offering a second deal? I’m sorry, but this is really bad advice. There’s nothing wrong with bringing in deal hunters, but retailers need to understand what that does to their margins. They also need to understand that it is very, very difficult to convert a deal hunter to a full margin customer, and by very difficult I mean impossible.

So, my advice to retailers is to be very careful about the offering and very conservative on the forecasting. If you can, limit (i.e. eliminate) your exposure on low margin items or stacking discounts. Deals are great, just be smart about it.

To help, I’ve uploaded this version of the model using the more realistic assumptions to Google Docs and made it public to the web. Interested parties can download it here.

Writing the article was a blast, but not nearly as much fun as Max, Sam, and I had building our test zipline. Annnnd, now that Spring is here, I really can’t wait to get my aircraft grade cable to build the big boy version!

Click here to read more about the book, and BUY it!!!

My personal philosophy of awesomeness is pretty simple: Awesome is an adjective, but we really ought to treat it as a verb.

But living awesomeness isn’t quite the same thing as being happy, or being positive. Awesomeness requires something extra, a deeper engagement with universe as a whole which encompasses three core principles: curiosity, compassion, and humor.

Curiosity

Human beings are naturally curious, but more often than not social conventions stunt willingness to try new things or investigate the strange and wonderful. To be awesomely curious, we don’t need to cast off all social conventions but do need to recognize that rules are made to be broken.

Compassion

To be compassionate is to be adaptable. To adapt we must make space for the will and direction of others. If there’s no room for compromise, then there is no room for compassion. If there is no room for forgiveness, there is no room for compassion. If there is no sense of something other than yourself and your own view, there is no room for compassion.

Humor

First we must laugh at ourselves an then we must laugh at the universe. After all, if we, small mammals on a rock at the far end of the galaxy can muse on such grand and all encompassing topics as awesomeness, then the universe is truly a funny place.

Awesomeness

I don’t claim to be awesome all the time. Nor do I claim to live awesomeness every moment, but when I am stressed or working hard or just plain tired, I think about these principles of awesomeness…

… and then I take a nap or go for a walk. Or maybe just hang out with the guys in the picture above.

[Update: I've just been made aware that I missed the 4th principle of awesomeness: Bacon! >Thanks, Carrie!]

This might come as a bit of surprise. After all, I was having such a good time making iPhone apps (which I intend to continue doing). Still, this is just one opportunity I just couldn’t pass up…

The job is with ThinkGeek, an amazing company I’ve admired for a long time. Since I’m not one to blog about work, I’ll just direct you over to my LinkedIn profile for a look-see. I’ll add that I’m very excited to join such an incredible group of people. I feel lucky and grateful.

Seriously, how could I not? I write Science Fiction and Fantasy. I write code. I claim King Moonracer as my personal hero. I love eCommerce and the web… It’s pretty much a dream job for me.

So, in short order, we’re selling our home, leaving the neighborhood we love, and moving away from family and friends… all the way to Washington, DC (Fairfax, VA to be more precise). Everything will be new and there will be challenges at every turn, but it’s also going to be an adventure.

I’m thankful for love and support of my wonderful wife and my incredible boys. I’m looking forward to continuing our story of the great “What’s Next” together.

It isn’t that I forget about anniversaries or birthdays. I’m just really bad with cards.

Here is the card I made for my wife yesterday to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. Altogether we’ve been pals for 21 years and the sentiment expressed in this card couldn’t be more true.

Of course, what you don’t see is me actually making this card at 6AM on the morning of our anniversary. You don’t see me frantically searching through old photographs. You can’t hear me cursing because I can’t get Photoshop to print the damn thing right. You can’t watch me flipping out when she starts printing documents to our wireless printer and all my photo paper comes shooting out at 32ppm.

I’m really bad with cards, but I’m really lucky in love.

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

1. Writing the code is the easy part… At least for me.

First off, I’m a very experienced programmer. Over the years, I’ve developed in at least half a dozen languages on a variety of platforms. So naturally, writing the code is the easy part.

Of course, that’s where you get into trouble. It’s so easy to reach for code first, and so wrong…

After I launched WordFlipper, I picked up Bob Walsh’s Micro-ISV: From Vision to Reality. A Micro-ISV is a tiny-independent software developer (less than 10 people, often just one). As I was reading through Bob’s book, he talked about all the things you might do wrong in starting down the path. None of this was new to me. I’m a pro, right?

But I was making all those mistakes, starting with reaching for the code first.

2. If you have to write instructions, you failed.

This is a little like telling jokes. If you have to explain the joke, you’ve already ruined it.

I suppose that some people might think this is a bit extreme, but really I think you have to do into designing an iPhone app with the mentality that there can be no instructions. Considering the number of websites I’ve built over the last 15 years, you’d figure that this would be a natural for me but it wasn’t. Even though both apps are small and focused, they had a few gotchas that required me to create instructions.

3. Never release an app that is missing non-negotiable features.

For both apps, I set s strict deadline for getting the apps up into the App Store. However, to make the deadline I also needed to cut a few features. While I think it’s possible to drop features to make a deadline, there are certain features for particular apps that need to be there and working properly. They are the non-negotiable features.

For most games, you need a global score board and some multiplayer functionality.
For apps that record data, you need to have an export feature.

4. Never create your own control when one from the iPhone SDK will do.

I learned this on my first app. I decided to create a custom settings screen and I built a view that is non-standard. I think this can work in a game, but in a utility app it really ought to be a custom TableView.

The point though is that while the iPhone provides you with an open palette for design and development, you ought to spend a little time really asking yourself why you think your idea is better and how it improves the app.

As they say in the world of writing fiction, if the scene doesn’t advance the story (i.e. serve the plot) – cut it.

5. You will spend just as long creating marketing materials as you did coding and you ought to start before you write a line of code.

Jonathan Fields of Career Renegade fame has a post up today called “Marketing from the Heartbeat Out”. In the post, he talks about creating new markets within existing markets by spending more time thinking through your idea and building something new…

While you noodle through the idea for that great new app, think about how you will position it against others in the app store. How will you get visibility? What do you need to create to make it easy for editors to include your app on their sites? Why will people download your app and keep it?

6. Get a second opinion.

Julie Roads of Writing Roads also has a new post up today. It’s called “Can you look at this for me?” As a writer, it’s natural for me to ask people to check out my stuff or listen to an idea. The same discipline applies to development, but in creating my first iPhone apps I didn’t follow through on what I knew was right…

In both cases, I created the applications as an act of pure, creative fun. It isn’t that they’re bad. I’ve heard great comments about both WordFlipper and WriteChain. However, I think that they would have been better had I solicited more feedback from the right people before setting out. I suppose that I failed to do it because I was basically learning the platform and having fun.

7. Developing for the iPhone is really fun.

I know there are only supposed to be six items here, but when I read over the post it felt like sort of bleak. I mean, after all, the apps are just fine. They work and they’re fun. I had a great time making them.

So, I’ll wrap up here on a high note: developing for the iPhone is really fun!

WordFlipper is fast-paced word search game for the iPhone. It’s a little different than most iPhone word games because it uses the accelerometer (the thingie that detects motion) as an integral part of the game. I won’t go into all of the details here. I have a special page set up for WordFlipper where you can read all about the game and even watch me and my kids play with it. Drop on by for a look-see! (WordFlipper or grab WordFlipper from iTunes!).

My first app, WriteChain, is a handy tool for writers. You can learn more about it on my writing site How Not to Write (WriteChain). My latest app for the iPhone is a game called WordFlipper.

I’ve really enjoyed my development experience with the iPhone. I’m an old Mac developer from waay back, so it wasn’t a huge leap for me to get onto the platform. Needless to say, I’m looking forward to cooking up a few more apps.

In between the coding, I’ve managed to knock out a fair amount of writing (both online and off). I’ve also tried my hand at another new skill: interviewing. No, not the job sort. I’m talking about journalism (though I’m not sure I can call what I do journalism).

My interviews are running on one of my new websites: iPhonespaz (http://www.iphonespaz.com)… and like WordFlipper, it’s a little different from all of the other iPhone sites out there.

On iPhonespaz, we interview people who are crazy about their iPhones. We also write some wild app reviews. It’s been a fantastic experience. I’ve met a ton of great folks from Best-Selling Authors to big-time app developers. It’s a nice juxtaposition to writing code.

[A big shout out to my co-editor at iPhonespaz, Whitney Claire McKim. She rocks. ]

I’m not sure where this iPhone adventure will take me, but I like where it’s headed. It feels a lot like web development did back in the mid-nineties. It’s fun and exciting!

Obviously, I loved doing the interview. It was a great exercise, but I wanted to share a little tidbit that I tacked onto the end of the discussion:

As a side note… People should take the time to answer questions like this seriously. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the universe does not ask twice. What I mean by this is that when presented with the opportunity to ask for something or jump into something you desire, you should absolutely give it your all. The universe may not respond favorably, but it most assuredly does not ask a second time.

I honestly do not know where this stuff comes from sometimes. It just pops into my head. Later on, I read it and think, “Who wrote that?”

So, what has the universe asked you to do lately? Did you do it? Why not?

If you’re smart, you’ll get a complete working site up an running as quickly as possible. There are several reasons for this, but my favorite is this…

Nothing screams design changes like seeing the live content in the framework of your design.

Recently, I launched a site for a client in Palm Springs, CA. Davis Rochefort covers the Entertainment beat writing satirical missives about Hollywood. I met him online, and when he heard I was looking for clients he dropped me a note on Twitter. After a few emails, we met for a discussion on Skype.

Over the next week, I worked with Rochefort and his assistant, Penny, to develop a glitzy look that also had a bit of an edge, the darker side of Hollywood. I quickly prototyped a design and launched his site Armchair Paparazzi.

The first crack at the design was, well, let’s be honest… It was ugly. Or, as Rochefort might say, “Elvis-dead-on-the-can-ugly”.

Here’s a snap of banner:

The only saving grace of the original look was the background. To get that glitzy feel, I created a shiny blue satin background. I echoed that look in the custom RSS icon. However, as you might guess, this didn’t go very well with the red-orange header.

While I was tweaking the design, Rochefort and Penny began filling in the content. The copy was fun and the headlines were hilarious. After a few calls, we decided to switch over to what’s known as a “magazine style” layout.

Switching to the magazine layout meant developing thumbnail images and tightening up the excerpt copy for the teasers. It also meant that the site was going to get a nice update on the banner.

Rochefort had a vision of a 1940s photographer and a bigger headline for the name of the site. Since it’s Rochefort’s site, we agreed to keep his tag line at the top along with his Hollywood headshot.

Here’s the result:

A few takeaways…

1. Don’t debate pixels. Get the site up and going as quickly as possible.
2. Start filling your site with content. The content will help define the future form.
3. Be open to suggestion and change. Don’t hang onto things that don’t work. Be flexible.

The lessons learned here may not apply to every site. For example, if you have an audience you shouldn’t go willy nilly changing things on the fly. However, there’s no reason you can’t set up a private site for you and your client to work with.

Armchair Paparazzi is just getting up and running, but the site is already listed on Alltop’s celebrity board. Come on by and have a look!

Nothing says Hollywood Gossip like Armchair Paparazzi…