The poor old list post has come in for some stick recently through no fault of it’s own.  Once the hottest post in Blogtown, it’s now belittled and besmirched.

A year ago list posts were all the rage, and many pixels were devoted to urging newbie bloggers to exploit them at every available opportunity. Unfortunately, that is exactly what many did, and now list posts are seen as, well, not quite nice; at best unimaginative, and at worst, extremely spammy. I think that’s a shame because, used properly, a list post can be the best, most concise way of sharing information. In an attempt to revitalise them, here are my tips for list post redemption - displayed in the form of a list post, of course.

1) Be brief! If your list burgeons into double figures, break it into two lists. I recently saw a list entitled 150 Top WordPress Plugins – who on earth would have time to read that? It’s just a complete waste of pixels. Aim for quality, not quantity.

2) Keep it relevant! If you are listing WordPress plugins for example, choose a handful of the most useful, don’t list every single one that might possibly be related to the topic. If you are writing about a huge topic like plugins, create several lists covering different categories – not only is this more useful for your readers, but it means you have multiple posts from one idea, rather than just one.

3) Be original! Don’t just list all the same sites that appear in almost every other list post on any given topic. Try to find something new to share with your readers. It might take a bit longer, but they will thank you for it. Aping what everyone else has done will not impress anyone.

Still on the plugins theme: I’ve seen lists of useful plugins for cartoonists, scrapbookers, readers and genealogists. Try to think of a new angle, and try to offer your readers something they won’t find in 500 other places.

4) Be descriptive! Tell your readers why the sites you’ve linked to are so good, give them some idea of what they will gain if they use a plugin you suggest. Use your own words, don’t copy the blurb from the original site; they don’t care how well the copywriter described it, they want to know why you like it.

5) Be genuine! I often see list posts which purport to list useful resources, but which are actually a flimsy excuse to link to A’list bloggers*. Don’t do this. It’s unlikely to convince an A’list blogger to be your friend - in fact, it will probably have the opposite effect – and you are not giving anything of value to your readers. If you link to other sites and blogs, do so because you genuinely believe they are useful, interesting or downright amusing.

*If you want to connect with A’list bloggers try speaking to them on Twitter or via their blog. Surprisingly, they are human beings not cyborgs manufactured in a secret programme funded by Stephen Fry, and as such respond to normal human communication.

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Just popping in to let you know I’ve added a comment policy to the blog. It wasn’t something I felt I needed to do in the past because, well, I knew most of the people who left comments, but now the readership has grown, it seemed like a good idea to give people an idea of what is and isn’t acceptable. It’s not overly strict, in fact, compared to many comment policies it’s pretty laid back; a bit like the Jeff Bridges of comment policies.

This move was also motivated by a glut of spam today – not the automatically posted type, Akismet always deals with that – this was the sort posted by real people. At first, it almost seemed genuine, and I only realised it was bogus because the comments were all along the lines of ‘Great article, good advice’, which sounds like a compliment until you realise that was left under a Whatever Will They Type Next post, which is not an article and doesn’t contain any advice. Also, the names were a little suspicious. Maybe I’m wrong and there is a couple called Viagra who named their first-born Buy, but I’m dubious about the possibility.

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I haven’t posted an interview this week because I haven’t had chance to send any questionnaires out, so look out for another one next week. Instead, because I haven’t published a history themed post here for a while, here’s one I made earlier.

In the 20th century it became commonplace to romanticise the Anglo-Saxons, and demonise the Normans. One group, we are told, were delightful, jolly peasants who lived in peace and harmony despite drinking copious quantities of mead; a bit like hobbits, but taller. The other were something akin to Nazis with pudding-bowl haircuts and a habit of talking like pantomime bad guys. However, as is usually the case, that isn’t quite true*.

It is true that English society changed dramatically in the years after the Conquest, but not always for the worse. There were many great things about the Saxons**, but they had a dark side. Conversely, the Normans could be extremely brutal, but ironically tempered this with a degree of enlightenment. So to even up things up a bit, here are a few things the Normans did that were actually pretty good.

Abolition of slavery: Anglo-Saxon England was a slave owning society. This was abolished very soon after the Conquest. Admittedly this was for financial reasons – if you owned a slave they might work for nothing, but you have to factor in the costs of purchase, food and accommodation. It’s much cheaper to pay someone who lives elsewhere to work for you. But, whatever the motivation, I would imagine the slaves were pretty keen on it.

Stone buildings: The Anglo-Saxons tended to build in wood. This made sense: there was a lot of it, it was easily to obtain, and it didn’t take long to construct a wooden building. Unfortunately, as a result of this, Saxon buildings were both vulnerable, and biodegradable – the latter is a good thing, but not if it’s your house.

The Normans were big fans of stone, it was like the new black to them. They used it, a lot, which is why we now get to visit pretty churches and impressive castles at weekends. Back in those days, it played a big part in the repelling of those pesky Vikings (who were still labouring under the delusion that this was a warm country), and later, the French (who were still labouring under the delusion this could become a wine producing country. *gallic shrug*).

Culture: Considering their reputation as blood thirsty brutes, the Normans were a cultured bunch – they commemorated the Conquest with a tapestry! That’s very telling.

And when I say culture, I don’t just mean hagiographies, some of it was good. For example: Chaucer, Norman England’s answer to Terry Pratchett; both funny and profound.

Technological advances led to more books being in circulation, and Norman England embraced that in much the same way we took to the internet. While literacy was still a very long way from being 100% – even amongst the wealthy – it was at far higher levels than ever before.

The legal system: Prior to 1066 the legal system in England was a bit odd; it included something called the blood feud. In simple terms: if you killed me, my relatives could kill you, but then, your relatives could kill my relatives, and … well, I’m sure you can see where that could lead; pretty soon, you’d run out of people.

The Normans replaced this with a system which revolved not around vengeance, but impartial justice in the form of such measures as the Charter of Liberties and Magna Carta. Our modern legal system may not appear immediately similar, but it evolved out of, and is still influenced by, the Norman one.

There you are: some good stuff the Normans did when they weren’t dragging peasants from their land; having family feuds that ended in civil war; or being really mean to that nice Maid Marion.

* To be fair, it is true about the hair; they did have terrible haircuts. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion there were no barbers in those days; if a chap wanted a haircut his mother would pop a bowl on his head and trim round it.

** The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle; Beowulf; celebrity cake-burner, King Alfred, who founded the Royal Navy amongst other cool things.

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Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) by Florence and the Machine. This is from the album Lungs, which I think most people will have heard, but if you haven’t it’s well worth a listen. This track in particular will always remind me of the summer of 2009 – such as it was – and it’s a great one to sing along to.

In other news:

- I’ve set up a group on Facebook – well, everyone else seemed to have one, I didn’t want to be left out – it’s yet another writing group, but hopefully that won’t put you off joining. The idea is it will be a friendly place for writers to share advice, tips and resources in a positive and encouraging environment, so if that sounds like something you’d enjoy, feel free to join in!

- This morning, I spent some time in a state of puzzlement because of a badly written entry on my to-do list. I’d actually written ‘MEDIA POST’, but in my drunken spider handwriting, it looked more like ‘MEO RAT’, which sounds like a Latin insult, and was even more confusing than the ‘jammy spoon‘ episode a couple of weeks ago.

Even worse than the confusion, was the thought that my old primary school headmistress was probably laughing her sensible shoes off in whichever corner of hell they keep mean teachers who pick on little girls.

This woman had a deep aversion to left-handed people in general, she was even more averse to left-handed people whose parents had the audacity to get divorced – if it had turned out that, by some fluke, I was also CofE, I think she’d have sent someone off to the store cupboard to dig out the ducking stool.

A generation before, she would have insisted I use my right hand, but that wasn’t allowed by the time I started school. Instead, she would come into the classroom, stand behind me and make ‘helpful’ remarks to the effect that I was doomed to certain failure because no one would ever be able to read what I wrote. With hindsight, I suppose I could have pointed out the fact that by the time I left school the world would have progressed into one in which handwriting documents was practically an obsolete art form, and everything would be produced with keyboards, but, I suppose she could counter that by reminding me it would still be better if I could actually read my own post-it notes.

- Could some kind soul suggest something good to watch on television? Now Survivors and Being Human have ended, I’m at a complete loss, I don’t seem to be able to find anything that doesn’t involve cookery, dancing celebrities, or Ant and Dec cooking dancing celebrities – I made that last one up, but I think it could work!

I did watch 5 Days last week, which started well, but then turned out to be a bit of a damp squib. Lured in by the promise of a ‘tense thriller’, I watched every night, but not much happened, it was neither tense, nor thrilling. Before the penultimate episode, the announcer told us there would be a ‘terrifying incident at a royal walkabout’. Ooh, I thought, it’s finally getting somewhere. However, instead of a terrifying incident, one of the characters had a panic attack, but then felt better.

Bernard Hill and Anne Reid were very good, in fact, the series would have worked better if it had focused on them, instead of trying to be something it wasn’t. Ultimately, the plot was quite preachy, concentrating on ‘issues’, and the portions that should have been tense and thrilling were predictable and obvious – oh come on, who couldn’t guess that Maureen, the hard-faced cleaner, was also Soraya, the not-so mysterious lady of the night?!

Anyhow, if anyone can suggest something good – it doesn’t have to be tense and thrilling but that would be a bonus – I’ll be very appreciative.

That’s all, have a great weekend

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A couple of days ago, a research session on the interwebs led me to the BNP website – it was relevant, I don’t hang out there* – and I was rather surprised to notice their commenting system is running on the Intense Debate platform. After mulling it over for a few minutes, it occurred to me that ID may not be aware of this, so I sent them an email:

“Hi, I wondered if you were aware that your commenting platform is being used on this site http://bnp.org.uk ? The BNP is a far right organisation which propagates hatred against ethnic minorities, gay people and women.”

Today I got a response from a chap called Michael:

“We provide a free software and we don’t discriminate against people/websites that uses our software even if means that IntenseDebate is being used on websites that don’t share our same views.”

And that’s fair enough. I don’t expect everyone to share my views either. To give an example: I’m a Liverpool fan, but I accept that some people will insist on supporting Man United, no matter how ludicrous I find the idea. I’ve come to terms with that. OK, that’s a facetious point but I hope you get my drift. That wasn’t really why I asked if they knew though, it was more out of a sense of astonishment.

The thing is, Intense Debate is owned by Automattic, who also own WordPress – the special magic that makes this blog so fabulous. Well, WP is fabulous, at the moment, the blog less so. Yes, I’ve been tweaking again. Sorry.

Back to the post – this discovery was both disturbing, and a little upsetting. It means I now have something in common with the BNP. I bet if I’d checked – I couldn’t stay any longer, it smelt funny, and I could see strange, shapeless creatures moving in the corners – they’re probably using WP too. Joy. I’m delighted. </sarcasm>

The only upside I can see to this is, were I ever to have the misfortune to be trapped in a lift with Nick Griffin, we would at least have something to talk about. We could share plugin suggestions, swap anecdotes about those scary times when a back-up doesn’t go according to plan.

The downsides are numerous. For a start, who wants to think they could find something to talk to Nick Griffin about?! Also, WordPress, Intense Debate and Automattic are now a little diminished to me, tarnished by an involuntary association with people like this. They’ve gone the way of Gandhi, David Bowie, David Beckham and Carol Vorderman**; joined a list entitled ‘Heroes I Can No Longer Believe In’. The Stranglers were right

* If I did it would be to heckle, but I already do quite enough of that on the Daily Mail website – I know it’s wrong, it’s just so much fun.

** Until last week’s Question Time, I was so impressed by her mathematical ability, I know it’s just adding up, but I’m not very good at that, so I find it impressive when others are. But, then Carol had to go and spoil it by alerting us to the fact she is completely barmy.

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This week’s interview is with Greg, who will be familiar to regular readers as a commenter on this blog under the name of his alter ego, Steg. I wasn’t at all surprised when he offered to help me out with an interview, he’s one of the internet’s good guys, and over the years has gone from being a fellow blogger to a firm friend! Greg is also a talented writer and poet, you can find his blog at Twirling in the Light, and read his poetry at Little Black Book.

Your Blogger: You have been blogging for over 5 years, what motivated you to start and do you think blogging has enhanced your life?

Greg: What started me blogging? Curiosity at first, probably. I’d heard about blogs and wanted to have a go. I had no plans about what kind of blog it’d be, I just played with the template for a bit and started posting random crap! As time went on it became a habit and then something deeper than habit. Has it enhanced my life? Most certainly. I’ve met some rather wonderful people through blogging, including your good self! It’s given me a chance to keep my writing juices flowing and somewhere to “vent” if I needed to. Much more than that, as well. At one point it was the only place I could really be me.

Your Blogger: Your blog is often personal in nature, how do you deal with the thorny issue of how much to disclose?

Greg: It can be a tricky one. Less so now I live alone and don’t have to hide as much as I did when I was married. I started blogging under my real name rather than my nickname, just because it was more anonymous, which sounds strange. There’s a few “Greg”s out there though, and my nickname was very distinctive and anyone who knew me would have known that it was me. These days I’ll blog what I want and hang the consequences. But not much about work – I can’t afford to get the sack over an unguarded statement!

Your Blogger: In addition to blogging you write poetry, how did this start? Which genre (blogging or poetry) do you prefer?

Greg: I first remember writing poetry when I was about 16. Probably your typical teenage, angst ridden garbage. I can’t plan to sit down and write poetry, it just wells up inside and spills out. I very rarely go back over it to make revisions. What ends up on the website is pretty much as it comes out. It’s so different to blogging I can’t compare them. To be honest, I’d never thought of doing so.

Your Blogger: It’s quite obvious to anyone who speaks to you for more than a couple of minutes that music is very important to you? Can you tell us more about that? Has this always been the case? Did you grow up in a musical household? If so, did your parents choices influence your tastes?

Greg: No, I don’t remember anyone in the household being musical, as in playing instruments, but there was always a radio on somewhere or someone playing records. My brother was a bell-ringer but that doesn’t count!

I’ve been entranced by music for as long as I can remember. I was very young at the end of the 60’s and can remember some of the hippy stuff appealing to me as a kiddie. When I was getting old enough to develop tastes of my own I got heavily into the whole Glam Rock thing. My sisters were 16 and 17 years older than me and influenced me a little. I remember them going to see Led Zeppelin’s movie “The Song Remains The Same” when it came out, which brought the name to my attention. When I first saw names like Deep Purple and Black Sabbath, I was already aware of them somehow. Also the “singer-songwriter” thing. I recall being very taken with James Taylor when I first heard one of my sisters playing his stuff. They also account for my fondness for Gilbert and Sullivan and for musical theatre! My brother was strictly Classical, which is probably where my fondness for that comes from. That and The Goon Show!!

I never had the patience to work hard at learning an instrument. I had a few years of piano lessons and taught myself a little guitar but when it became clear to me that I didn’t have a natural flair for them, my own attempts just depressed me and I realised that I’d do better listening to others. I’d love to be able to sing well, though.

Your Blogger: You also love books, did this influence your decision to write? In other words, do you write because you read, or read because you write? Do the writers you enjoy influence your writing style, or do you consciously try to avoid this?

Greg: I don’t kid myself that I’m good enough to effectively write in the style of anyone else so it’s not something I think about. I’ll accept that I seem to have a way with words sometimes and can only put that down to reading. I could always lose myself completely in a good book. I guess I write because I read (past tense).

Your Blogger: In the past you’ve blogged about the issue of womens’ weight, or more specifically you’ve blogged against the trend of ever thinner models and film stars. Is this something you’ve always felt strongly about, or does the fact you have daughters make it more important to you?

Greg: I guess it became more important when I realised that my daughters might be influenced by it. I can’t take any high ground over this one, though. For whatever reason I’ve always been far more attracted to women who have curves and it was just indignation when people like Kate Moss were hailed as great beauties. Give me a lady who is size 20 rather than size 8 any time. There’s only one lady I want, though

Your Blogger: In the past year you’ve made some very big changes to your life, which included moving to another country, how does it feel to be an Englishman abroad?

Greg: It’s okay. When I actually thought about it (which was when I was on the plane!), I was a little nervous. There’s many nations around the globe with no particular reason to love the English, the Irish not least among them. In the nearly 8 months I’ve been here I’ve only ever had my nationality hurled at me once, although my accent causes problems in shops sometimes. Apparently.

Your Blogger: You are quite the romantic (you must be, Casablanca is one of your favourite films), do you think there is still a place for romantics in the cynical modern world?

Greg: There has to be. The world is a beautiful place and there’s so much in it that fills my heart. Spring flowers, pictures in the clouds, the tapestry of frost, the music of running water. It’s easy to be a Romantic when one is in love, though.

Your Blogger: And finally, you work for Amazon – do you get free books?

Greg: LOL. No. I get a staff discount at Amazon.co.uk, which I haven’t used yet. I usually work providing support for Amazon’s e-reader device, the Kindle (although flexibility is my strong point at work and can happily switch to various retail sectors) and there has been the suggestion that we should get Kindles. Apple give out iPods to their employees, apparently…
I’m not holding my breath, though.

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It’s time for another instalment of Whatever Will they Type Next, a series of posts highlighting some of the more unusual and puzzling search terms people have used to find this blog. Fortunately, the last few months have seen a deficit in the kind of terms that make me want to scrub the blog down with bleach; no one has been looking for ‘hot naked chicks’ and that strange man from Germantown hasn’t been back – I suspect his neighbours are on to him. However, these people did drop by …

“slap politicians” – See, I’m not the only one who likes that idea, although, I think I am the only one who wants to slap them with a haddock.

“men in skirt” – Men, plural? Why do they have to share? Are these very small men, or is it a very large skirt? What happens if they can’t agree which skirt to wear? Actually forget that last point, these are men, they’ll go for whichever one is cleanest, style won’t come into the decision. They’ll probably also commit crimes of fashion such as teaming a cord Boden number with a Vivienne Westwood corset, paisley socks and open-toe sandals. And everything will be grey, or beige.

“200517 animal facts” - Surely you jest! There is a post with (I think) ten animal facts somewhere on this blog, but 200517?! Urrm, no. Sorry, you’ve come to the wrong place, I think you are confusing me with David Attenborough. To help you avoid making this mistake in the future, he’s the animal fact guy, I’m the blogger with the large shoe collection – that’s a large collection of shoes BTW, not a collection of large shoes. You visit David if you want to know about all things flora and fauna, you visit me if you want to read bad poetry and prose suggesting Jane Austin is really quite racy.

“colleagues talking about me via email at work” - One of two things is happening here. Either, you are a complete pain the neck to work with; possibly, the kind of person who uses all the milk then puts the bottle back in the fridge, or even one of those people who eagerly raises a hand when the boss brings up the subject of unpaid overtime. Or, you work with really sad people who don’t get out much and therefore feel the need to bring some excitement into their drab lives by discussing yours.

If you think it’s the latter, just get a new job. If it’s the former, you have no one but yourself to blame, especially if you’re making your colleagues look bad by being a suck-up. No one likes a suck-up! And everyone knows if you have a boss, he or she is The Man (The Man is not gender specific) and you should be sticking it to him. Not sure what you stick to him, maybe post-it notes, but there is no way you should ever volunteer for anything he suggests. So stop doing it, buy your colleagues a cake, and all will be well.

“cute little me” – Pardon? You think I blog about your cuteness? Sorry, there’s only room for one cute little person here, and that’s me! Get your own blog if you want the world to know about cute little you. Bah, freeloaders.

“anglo-saxon school trips” - Did they have such a thing? I suppose if they had schools there must have been trips. I wonder where they went. I have a feeling the local dung heap may have featured heavily. Or, possibly, if the trip came after one of the regular Viking incursions, kids were taken along to watch public executions and then had to write 1500 words in answer to the question, ‘Invaders – is it ever wrong to burn them?’. Ah, the good old days.

And the prize for the longest search term ever goes to:

“and if i was in a crowd, you probably wouldnt notice me. i dont really stand out and im not anything special. so i’ll advise you not to waste your time on me but that doesnt mean i dont want you to try.♥”

Yes, someone came here looking for that, why?

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This is the first in a series of interviews with people who responded to my request for interviewees in this post.

I was delighted to receive a response from the hugely talented fiction writer, Kathleen Maher, who was a finalist in both 2007 and 2008 in the Weblog Awards for Best Literature Blog. Kathleen blogs at Diary of a Heretic and The Vitruvian Woman, she also contributes to the magazine, The View from Here.

Your Blogger: You’re a writer, was that always your chosen profession?

Kathleen: The way I recall it, as soon as I could read and distinguish fact from fiction, I wanted to write fiction. In college, however, I backed away from my dream because at that age I was terrified of failing. My second love, however, turned out to be philosophy, and my prospects for achievement there looked no better. So if I was going to fail, better to fail at what I loved most. Not everybody experiences this, but some people might like to know: I failed and kept failing, which in my case has turned out to be a good thing. Now I’m fearless about failing. In fact, I consider it essential to my personal creative process. If I’m not facing failure daily, I’m not risking enough to find exhilaration. And at this point, I think my writing succeeds, at least on its own terms.

Your Blogger: Are there other writers in your family, or are you a first? How do your family feel about your career choice, do they support you or have they ever asked when you’re going to get a ‘proper’ job – not that I’m suggesting you should, just that it seems to be a common thing for people with creative jobs to be asked.

Kathleen: My husband and daughter both write. Otherwise, my parents and siblings and as far as I know, my predecessors have not been writers. As for the “proper” job question? It bedevils me. I hate not pulling my weight. My family, however, has never expected me to make money. I was so obviously an odd duck. My husband, who knew me as a child, married me knowing full well what an impractical spirit I am. He supports us both as a financial writer and has always woken before dawn to write his fiction. If anyone’s betting on which of us will get a novel published, bet on him: Philip Maher.

Your Blogger: What motivated you to serialise your novels in blog form? How has that worked out? Do you think it’s brought your work to a wider audience than simply publishing in a more traditional format?

Kathleen: I started writing fiction on a blog because I’d fallen into a kind of writer’s block where I was rewriting obsessively. On the blog, I resolved to write my best and post what I had. So that everything I put up wasn’t half-born, I began serializing “Diary of a Heretic,” a novel I wrote ages ago, and couldn’t get published. The blog has definitely brought me more readers than I could hope for otherwise—otherwise being none.

That does not mean I’m an unprofessional writer. I love writing more than almost anything and consider myself skillful and exacting. My writing, like my imagination, however, veers widely from the mainstream. I never studied writing in an MFA program and don’t have any real life friends who are writers. (Through the blog I have become online friends with writers and readers in other cities.) The few real-life friends I have don’t read what I write, nor really does my family. I have asked them to glance at it and have assured them there’s nothing autobiographical or even consciously borrowed from them. My husband is the exception; he reads almost everything, and my daughter occasionally reads some of it.

Your Blogger: Tell us more about Diary of a Heretic – where did the idea come from?

Kathleen: New Year’s Eve, 1999, the character Malcolm was just there for me. I wrote the novel as his diary. I wrote it and rewrote it and rewrote twice on the blog. It’s done. I have sent it to contests and small presses without luck. One agent reported that he had found it mannered. Me too—it’s very mannered. What can you do?

Your Blogger: Diary of a Heretic features strong female characters who, refreshingly, don’t merely act like men – too often strong women in fiction are little more than men in skirts. Was this a conscious decision, and were you influenced by women you know in real life?

Kathleen: Kate, saying that my female characters are strong without being “men in skirts” is the finest compliment I’ve ever heard. Thank you. My characters are their own boss and with the women, I rarely stop to question what they’re up to. I can’t write much about characters I don’t love and admire so I trust them even if they’re misbehaving. I still post what I write as I go along and my characters often surprise me. I have been told I write well using a man’s voice and I have terrific fun doing that. But then I am highly conscious as to how my sentences match what a man or boy might think. Usually a little of me sneaks in there, but those phrases tend to be glaring and easily cut. In general, I like men, and for better or worse, I have been studying them all my life. They are, after all, everywhere.

Your Blogger: I noticed from your Facebook profile that you’re a fan of Ursula Le Guin who is widely hailed as an influential feminist writer. How do you feel today’s chick-lit compares to the work of Le Guin and her peers?

Kathleen: I read Le Guin mostly as a child, although I try to catch up with her later work. Unfortunately, I can’t speak for chic-lit because I’ve read only Bridget Jones’ Diary. My writing often dictates what I read. Currently, I’m writing a story where one of the girls asked the actor whose children she babysits if he was going to do the next James Bond movie. I have no idea where she came up with that, but when I reread it, I saw no reason to cut it. So I then watched my first James Bond movies, Dr. No, Casino Royale, and Quantum of Solace, (which I’m hoping are enough.) I looked up Ian Fleming and discovered he was a close friend of Noel Coward’s. When the actor in my story agreed to star in the town’s summer theater, the director turned out to be a funny, sad alcoholic who fancies himself a Noel Coward-type. So now I’m reading Noel Coward plays.

Your Blogger: I also noticed you list film/movies as one of your interests which intrigued me because Diary of a Heretic has a cinematic quality, it’s very easy to imagine it transferred to screen. Was this intentional? And do the films you enjoy influence your work at all?

Kathleen: I like movies but may have put that on Facebook hoping to join the club. I don’t know movies the way aficionados do, or even as well as most people. The cinematic quality you mention—another lovely compliment—is more the result of writing blog fiction. Readers drop in and out. My stories are long serials and involve many characters. So in an attempt to attract and keep readers, I make sure not only the plot moves but also the lens or point of view. I don’t know if it really makes a difference to any readers, but I’ve come to enjoy writing that way. It’s the kind of fiction I like reading on blogs.

Your Blogger: And finally, because I thought there should be a meme-type question, what’s your favourite way to start the day?

Kathleen: My favorite way to start the day? I don’t know if this is my favorite way—in fact, I view it as a bad habit—but I wake up and start writing. Coffee takes too long to make so I drink energy drinks.

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Often, if I see subjects I’d like to mention here, I make little notes to refresh my memory when the time comes to write the post. This week I did that, and while most of my scrawlings still make sense, I’m blowed if I know why I jotted down the words ‘jammy spoon’. I’ve been racking my brain all afternoon and I still can’t figure out why I thought you needed to know about such a thing. So, sorry, no jammy spoons for you. However, you do get this:

- From Monday, your blogger will be donning her editorial hat over at eggnchips, so pop over and have a read …. and make sure you subscribe because I want to make a good impression! In fact, you could go further and send (bribes) gifts to the owner in the form of money, expensive watches, cake … especially cake, everyone can be bribed by cake. OK, the cake thing might just be me, but I do hope to see you there!

- I really enjoyed this post from Jo over at Slummy Single Mummy rebutting yet another spite-filled rant from Jan Moir.

In case you didn’t know, Jan now has the right to say pretty much anything she likes, about anyone she likes, as long as she dresses it up as opinion. Hmm. Using the logic of the PPC, I’m awfully tempted to share my opinion of Jan, but that would include such words as ‘bitter, twisted professional bully whose only talent is to be obnoxious’, which would be unkind, so I won’t.

- The Guardian are asking people who their favourite superhero is. Disappointingly,  the poll is a bit small, you can only choose Superman or Batman, both of whom are obviously inferior to Spiderman. Spiderman is, in my opinion, the superhero of choice for all creative geeks. But if you think differently let me know in the comments

- Last night on The Bubble, David Mitchell mentioned an upsetting experience he had with tropical fish. I never thought I’d blog these words, but here goes:  I had an even more distressing experience with tropical fish. Well, not just me, it was a trauma the whole family could share, every time we sat down to watch television.

When we first moved here, we rented a house which came equipped with a tank full of tropical fish. Unfortunately, the previous tenants hadn’t looked after the original fish very well, so the estate agent had restocked the tank. Even more unfortunately, he didn’t know much about fish and brought the wrong sort. In amongst all the pretty, glittery ones, he’d added two big, black shark-like things that proceeded to systematically eat every other fish in the tank. The tank was above the television – yes, I thought that was a bad idea too – so every time we tried to watch a programme, we were transfixed by scenes of fishicide.

It was really, really awful. I’m not joking. It’s very hard to explain to a small child why delightful, little creatures are being torn fin from fin only feet away from the Teletubbies.  And the problem with badly behaved fish is you can’t do much about them – it’s not as if you can build them a kennel or take them to training classes. Instead, I resorted to shouting, ‘No! No! Please stop eating your friends!’, but they didn’t listen.

Anyhoo, eventually all the pretty, little fish were gone, and we were left with their murderers. This was even more disturbing because they developed a habit of coming to the front of the tank and giving us this look, a look that said, ‘one day we’ll get out of here, then you’ll be on the menu’. Just after that we moved.

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Guess what? I have t’internet and telephone! Go me! Talk Talk have sorted it all out, and everything is working, perfectly. I also have what appears to be half the world’s emails, so if you’re missing any, I think I have them.

After not having the phone for so long, and really expecting to have to go back to BT if I ever wanted to use one again, it was a relief to get it back. It was also a bit embarrassing because when the man told me it was working my brain, initially, refused to believe him and I just stared dumbfounded. It could only have been worse if I’d picked up some random object and said, “Tephelone? Is this tephelone?”, like Tubbs in the League of Gentlemen.  But I didn’t, I thanked him, eventually, and he went on his way, probably thinking I was a bit peculiar, but I don’t care, I have t’internet and telephone.

Anyhoo, I’ll now shut up about my tedious communication problems and bring you a proper post.

I found this meme-type-thing over at Charlie’s, he borrowed the idea from Savannah, and now I’m appropriating it for my own use. I think the idea is you post songs from your favourite musicals, but I hate musicals, so instead it’s just film music.

This is one of the most famous movie dance scenes, and it’s also part of my favourite segment of Pulp Fiction. By the time the dance scene happens, it’s quite apparent that Vince (John Travolta) is mad about Mia (Uma Thurman). However, we also know what her gangster husband did to a man who recently gave her a foot massage, so he’s always going to have to admire her from afar, this gives the scene a sense of poignancy because the dance (and dancing is a form of foreplay) is the most intimate he’s ever going to be with her. Or at least that’s what the audience thinks at the time …

I went to see Bugsy Malone at the pictures as a small girl and, despite the singing, thought it was the best film I’d seen since Jungle Book! Hey, I was a connoisseur of film, I’d seen, umm, several. Within no time, I knew all the words to all the songs, and spent much time flouncing around the sitting room singing this one, firmly convinced one day I’d be just as cool and sophisticated as Jodie Foster appeared to be. Yeah, that didn’t quite work out, she’s still got the edge there. Pesky film stars and their cool.

I’ve included this because I love it, it’s got a wonderful melancholy quality, but at the same time,  it’s very laid back. And, of course, Midnight Cowboy is one of the best films ever made.

And finally, this is from the film which persuaded me George Clooney wasn’t just a pretty boy. It’s also, in my opinion, the Coen Brothers’ best film. Very quirky as most of their films are, it’s also hilariously funny – the scene with the toad still makes me cry with laughter. The song isn’t my usual kind of thing, but it’s so catchy you can’t help singing along.

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