Introverted Church

Autographed Copies

2009-11-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

I received my first batch of books in the mail yesterday. It's hard to describe the feeling of opening that box. I had a staring contest with the box for 6 hours before I finally opened it. 5 years in the making. And it was one of the highlights of my life.

If you want a signed copy, there is now a link on the far right sidebar, where you can buy a copy through PayPal. It's $18 ($15 for signed copy, $3 for shipping)

Help for weary travelers

2009-11-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

I occasionally do topical searches on Twitter, and recently when I searched on "introverts" the topic that most frequently appeared is "self-promotion for introverts." There is also a new book out, called, not surprisingly, Self-Promotion for Introverts. I haven't read the book yet, but it is selling extremely well. Apparently, this is a hot topic, as introverts are trying to figure out how it is that they can get ahead and get what they want in a world so often slanted towards extroverts.

I myself am heavily engaged in promoting my own book, and I have commented before on the deep ironies of publishing a book. You spend months or years in the privacy of your study, in libraries, in quiet coffee shops, and in the solitude of your thoughts writing and rewriting and preparing your manuscript. At the end of that arduous, soul-satisfying, introverted process, do you get a nice needed rest while your publicists do all the work of putting the book out there for others to discover? Not so much. You are thrust in the limelight and into the work of promoting your book. From what I understand the world of book promotion has changed considerably in the last few years, as the publicity budgets have shrunk and publishers have had to scale back due to the recession. No matter who publishes your book, it is now expected that authors will be the lead publicists for their work. If you want your book to do well, you must seek out radio interviews, speaking engagements, and other kinds of platforms.

I'm only a couple of months into promoting the book, and the hard work hasn't even begun yet, but I already feel a tiredness seeping into my mind and body. I have some promotional game - I can talk about the topic with some expertise, I have social skills, much promotion can be done online and via the written word, and my undergraduate experience taught me some valuable networking tools (thank you Claremont McKenna College), but if I'm honest, promoting is an extroverted job. And no matter how well I can work the angles, it's draining.

The more I meet fellow introverts (and this book has afforded me plenty of opportunities to do so - a tremendous gift), the more I meet fellow weary travelers. No matter what arenas we find ourselves in, what career paths we're taking, what social circles we're walking in, what steps we're taking to grow and progress in our lives, a lot of us are just tired. We masquerade as extroverts out of necessity, but it takes its toll.

It's not really in my nature to provide really practical suggestions, but I'm going to take a stab at it here, because tiredness, if it persists for long periods of time, is dangerous to the soul.

1. Seek out the proper motivations. Not only does self-promotion not fit us temperamentally, but I just don't think it's good theology. We're in the business of God-promotion, not self-promotion. That doesn't mean we can't quietly talk about our strengths and our gifts, but it does mean the objects of our promotion should be in line with our beliefs. I do not think that money, fame, or personal glory should be our goals. Our goals should be in finding those places and situations in which we can best serve the individual purposes and callings that God has given each one of us. Those contexts in which we can be obedient to God and the best servants of other people. Each morning I pray that God would use my book not for my own aggrandizement or personal success but for the sake of other introverts who long to find their homes in God and in their communities, and to be faithful as who they are.

2. Zealously guard your solitude. If you are not carving out niches of solitude on a regular basis - daily, weekly, monthly - then you are in danger of a tiredness that can tamper with your soul and your joy in God. Find your own rhythms of engagement and retreat. Deepen your spirituality and your prayer practices. Find opportunities for intellectual engagement and develop hobbies that spark your imagination and creativity. If you have a hard time saying no to social invitations, look at that tendency in yourself and discern what void you are trying to fill. Consider how your inability to say no may actually be preventing you from what you truly need.

3. Develop 2-3 intimate friendships. We may not require the quantities of social interaction that extroverts do, but we need a couple of people that we can safely share our vulnerabilities with. You just may discover that you are not alone.

4. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Several neurological studies have demonstrated that introverts require more sleep than extroverts, to restore our brain chemicals and to help prevent quick feelings of overwhelm. 8-9 hours of sleep is standard for many introverts. Sleep is good, and God given.

What other suggestions do you have for combating the onset of a dangerous tiredness?

Internet Monk on Silence

2009-10-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

Here's a post and a comment section I know you'll like. It's part of Internet Monk's reflections on an "Evangelical Liturgy."

The Evangelical Liturgy 20: Silence

My favorite line: "Many evangelicals have little idea how noisy their services are."

Booya.

The Introverts Corner

2009-10-27T10:07:00.001-07:00

Psychology Today has recently started a column called The Introverts Corner, which I'm really enjoying. There is a very helpful article discussing the distinction between introversion and shyness, that differentiates between motivation for socializing versus behaviors expressed in social situations. Introverts who are not shy may have low motivation for socializing but can be skilled in social situations when it's required. Those who are shy may have a high motivation for socializing (especially if they're extroverts) but their social skills and behaviors may be inhibited, marked by fear or anxiety.

New book, new blog

2009-10-26T10:16:00.001-07:00

I thought the launch of Introverts in the Church ought to be commemorated by the launch of a newly formatted Introverted Church. Those of you who are subscribers ought to click over to see the new template. I'll probably be tweaking for a while, so let me know if you have any suggestions.

At long last

2009-10-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Introverts in the Church is in stock!!!!

Order it directly from InterVarsity Press and get it late next week.

Order it from Amazon and get it in 2-3 weeks.

Please spread the word!

Addition 10/27 - The book is taking a little while to process, so IVP probably won't ship it out until early November. Amazon will ship depending on where you live and when you pre-ordered. Forgive me, the publishing process is all so new to me!

Critical questions

2009-10-22T10:20:00.001-07:00

So here's the all-important question of the weekend:

How does an introvert celebrate the release of his book?

1. Big blow-out party. Not so much.
2. Gathering of a few close friends.
3. On the floor in his room, rolled up into the fetal position
4. Drive to Alaska and live in an abandoned school bus. Later, die from eating poisonous berries.
5. Silent Reading party
6. Hold a sit-IN (get it?) at church on Sunday - during the passing of the peace/greeting time, have all the introverts remain in their seats, staring forward. Possibly sing "we shall overcome."
7. Gather a bunch of introverts to go to a public place, sit in one long row, and look at people. Just to freak them out.

What are some other options?

A Brief Book Review of Living Introverted

2009-10-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

My friend Lee Ann Lambert published a book a few months ago called Living Introverted. She is also the host of the blog by the same name, which is an excellent resource. She reviewed my book last week and I wanted to return the favor by posting a review on Amazon. I also want to share it with my blog readers:

----A Nice Addition to the Introverted Family

I should say at the outset that the author and I are friends (since we are both introverts, all this means is that we have exchanged a few emails). But as someone who has written my own book on introverts and facets of the larger culture, I am knowledgeable on the topic and am committed to thinking and writing about it with excellence and with as much objectivity as possible.

When I read a book, I assess it on two criteria: 1. Does the book accomplish what it sets out to accomplish? and 2. Is what it accomplishes meaningful? After reading Living Introverted, I think the answer to both questions is yes, which is why I rate it with 5 stars.

While there are outstanding books on the topic (my favorites are The Introvert Advantage and Introvert Power), most of them are lengthy and detailed. What we didn't have prior to Living Introverted is a primer on introversion, an accessible, practical introduction for those people who don't want to start with a long, research-heavy book written by a Ph.d. The author does not purport to be a psychologist or a scholar or an expert (though I think she sells herself short, as she interviewed around 100 people and does have perhaps the best blog on the topic). She uses words like "tool" and "overview" to describe her book, and that is what it is. It gives all kinds of practical descriptions and suggestions for how to live as an introvert in a world that heralds extroversion. After helpfully explaining what introversion is and what it isn't, she helps introverts with socializing, relationships, work, raising children, public speaking, saying no, and surviving the holidays (!). My favorite chapter is "What Extroverts Need to Know," an exceptionally helpful and practical guide for how introverts and extroverts can live together and learn to compromise.

Not every introvert will relate to all of it, which is something the author readily admits in the introduction. I think the SJ part of her personality creeps into the pages; not all of us will relate to her description of introverts as "analytical" or "having strong organizational skills." But anyone reading my book will surely see the intuitive part of my nature shining through as well.

I think this book will be helpful for introverts looking for a practical, short introduction that they can immediately apply, and probably even more specifically for those introverts who are pretty deep into introversion and struggle with many social occasions.

Survival Guide

2009-10-13T20:06:00.001-07:00

Here's a thorough and very thoughtful post, which may prove especially helpful for those introverts who fit into the "highly sensitive" category:

Survival Guide for the Quieter Species

Temperamental Geography

2009-10-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a theory. The farther north you go from the equator, the more introverts you get by percentage. What do you think?

The very first book review

2009-10-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

I am committed to not making Introverted Church into a mere shill for Introverts in the Church, but occasionally I do want to share some publicity. Here is the very first book review of Introverts in the Church, courtesy of Lee Ann Lambert, author of Living Introverted. (I've also written a review of her book on Amazon)

You'll notice the box on the far right sidebar entitled "About Introverts in the Church." I'll be updating that over the next few months without necessarily posting about updates. Previews: Christian Century will be printing an excerpt of chapter 6 - "The Ability to Lead" - sometime in October or November, and Christianity Today will be printing a book review sometime in the next 3 months. Check out that box regularly if you're interested! Just added to it: an interview with Christian Retailing, including my answers to the questions 1. How have introverts been overlooked in the church? and 2. Is there assumption that people who are alone are lonely and sad? (Bonus: there is a giant picture of my head there too - I'm working on getting a smaller picture).

Available book excerpts

2009-10-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

You can now read the introduction and chapter one of Introverts in the Church on the InterVarsity Press website. Chapter 1 is titled "The Extroverted Church."

Introverts in the Church - IVP

Advice from a fellow writer

2009-10-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

As the release of Introverts in the Church draws near, I have asked some veteran writers for any advice they have in how to prepare for your first book to be published. My friend Andy Crouch, writer at Christianity Today and the author of the absolutely phenomenal book Culture Making (which won a Christianity Today book of the year award - a really big deal), sent me a fantastic response. He and I thought it would be good to make available for other writers or those interested in the book publishing process. He posted it on his website and you can read it by following this link:

Letter to a soon-to-be-published author

Dreams

2009-10-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

October 2009. I've been waiting for this month for 5 years. The public release of Introverts in the Church.

On another level, I've been waiting for this month ever since I discovered a knack for writing when I was 10 years old. Thanks to all of you for helping this dream come true for me. I am grateful for your support, encouragement, and input over the past 2 1/2 years that this blog has been in existence. I know I'm not the best at posting and responding to comments, but I relish the opportunity to hear your thoughts and interact with you. Even if I haven't directly responded to your comment, I assure you that I have reflected on it, and many of them have greatly improved and balanced the content of the book.

As a first time author, I want to ask for your help. There were over 520,000 books published in the United States last year (!) and it is exceedingly difficult for a newcomer to gain a hearing in the white noise of the publishing world. Here are some ways you can help:

1. Pre-order the book:
Amazon.com (lowest price)
InterVarsity Press (will ship soonest)
Barnes and Noble
CBD
Amazon.com Canada
(the highest number of pre-orders so far - I'm thinking about moving there)

2. Tell others about it - especially pastors and other leaders.

3. Read it when it arrives and review it online. Blog reviews and Amazon reviews are greatly helpful. If you review it on your blog or GoodReads, would you also copy and paste it to Amazon? You can now do video reviews on Amazon.

4. Link to it on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, and other social media. Here's the mini link to its Amazon page: http://bit.ly/bmcTC

5. Join the Facebook fan page for Introverts in the Church.

6. Link to my online interview with Jamie Arpin-Ricci:

7. Point people to this blog

If you have other ideas, please let us all know! Thanks so much, everyone. Even the most introverted author can't do this alone! :)

Oh, and you can now "search inside" the book on Amazon. You can see the cover, table of contents, and if you click "surprise me" it will take you to an excerpt.

All of this waiting is making me a little weird

2009-09-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Rejected Titles for Introverts in the Church

10. The Purpose Driven Introvert
9. Introverts in the Shack
8. Girl Meets Introvert, and Keeps Looking
7. Eat Pray Introvert
6. I Kissed Introverts Goodbye
5. Good to Introvert
4. Blue Like Introverts
3. Three Cups of Tea...By Myself
2. The Life You've Never Wanted
1. We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow You Will be Killed with the Rest of the Introverts

Some Alternates:
The Secret of Introverts
If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Step on an Introvert

Transitions

2009-09-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

Over the summer I read a book called Transitions, by William Bridges, which has to go down as one of my favorite, most influential books I've read in 2009. Bridges looks at the internal shifts (transitions) that happen in a time of change (which he defines as the external shifts).

He says that each transition doesn't actually start with a beginning, but actually an ending. We spend too much time focusing on the new beginning, but ignore the implications of what has ended. We get married and we focus all our energy on the beginning of the new relationship, but we don't acknowledge the significance of the end of our single lives. We change jobs and we devote our thoughts to the new job and not to the loss of the old job and the old support system there. We turn 30 and think about the new phase of our lives but do not think of what has passed us by (by the way, the author says that 30 is one of, if not THE most important, transition in our lives!! What. Adam from 3 years ago just called and says "Can I please have that information?!!!")

I picked the book up at the encouragement of my spiritual director, as I explore this big change of becoming a published author and the transition (i.e. internal changes) that is occurring.

So transitions have been on my mind a lot, and it seems that many people actually become more introverted (defined broadly here as "inwardly oriented") during times of transition. I have a good friend who moved recently and started a new job, and though she is an extrovert, she found herself with much less relational energy for the first couple of months, and she relished solitude much more than usual.

Since introversion and extroversion is actually a continuum (not a dichotomy) that totally makes sense. There are times when we slide on the scale, though most of us have a pretty consistent preference (though we may not discover our preference until we really meet ourselves, in our 20s and 30s). Of course, the shift in my friend on the scale could be attributed to other factors - a shyness that developed in a new context, or a grieving process that acknowledged the end of her old life. But introversion and extroversion is more fluid than some people think. It seems fairly common that as people get older, they may discover a more introverted bent. Younger people just have more social and physical energy (and let's be honest, hormones which propel them more frequently into social situations), and as that youthful passion starts to fade, they may discover they're more introverted than they realized.

There was one section in Transitions that leaped off the page at me:

"The truth is that, although ours is a youth-oriented culture, many of us do not come into our own until our lives are half or three quarters over. Schopenhauer noted this more than a century ago, writing that each person's "character seems best suited to one particular stage of life, so that he appears at his best in that stage of life."

The author goes on to ask "What would you say is your own natural stage of life? Were you born to be seventeen or seventy? Are you a perennial twenty-five-year-old, or are you still waiting for your entrance cue at fifty?"

The reason this section was so significant for me was that people told me all through my childhood, all the way through my 20s, that I seemed a lot older than I am. I always found that comment a little offensive, but I'm wondering how much of that had to do with my introversion. How many of you introverts out there have been told that? In my childhood, I tended to observe in group settings more, enjoyed time to myself, didn't jump into the action very often, and didn't outwardly express much excitement or passion. Characteristics that are all typical of much older people. What do you think? Was this your experience?

I was actually very happy to turn 30, because I feel like it gives me permission to be a little more reserved and thoughtful, a little less impetuous and enthusiastic, which is a good look for me. What do you think? Are introverts better as they get older? Are we more suited for a later stage of life than extroverts?

Online church

2009-09-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

My friend and mentor Mark Roberts (and fellow introvert) is beginning a series on online church, a growing movement that holds interactive church services on the internet. Mark is always thoughtful, balanced, and biblical, and I'm eager to read what he has to say about this phenomenon. It occurs to me that many introverts will be attracted to online church, and I'm curious to hear your thoughts. He approaches it from the perspective of one who is just learning about it, so if it's new to you, you'll resonate with his viewpoint.

Is Online Church Really Church? Introduction

Interview with IVP

2009-09-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about personality preferences and transitions, and I'm going to post on that soon. But for now I'll give you a link to another interview I did about Introverts in the Church, this time with InterVarsity Press. I discuss my motivations for writing the book, the gifts that introverts have, as well as evangelism and leadership for introverts.

Interview with IVP (this is a PDF file, with cool pictures and what not)

A Milestone

2009-09-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

My editor at InterVarsity Press sent Introverts in the Church to the printers today!!

We don't know for sure when they will receive the finished product back, but it will be sometime in October. It will start shipping from Amazon a week or two after that, and it will also be in bookstores around that time as well. The pre-sales have been very good and I'm anticipating a wide circulation.

More good news: the pre-order price for Introverts in the Church on Amazon has gone down 9 cents, so you can finally live your dream of upgrading your tall coffee to a grande one morning. (If you already pre-ordered you'll be guaranteed the lowest price, so you don't need to change your order.) It's now $11.47.

The Nines

2009-09-09T13:09:00.001-07:00

For those of you who haven't heard about it, there is a live event taking place right now called The Nines. It's a conversation sponsored by Leadership Network and Catalyst, and it features nine minute blurbs from some top leaders and thinkers in the evangelical emerging movement. It's happening today, on 9/9/09. It's a really creative event, with some really amazing speakers. It was the #1 trending topic on Twitter for a while this morning, and all the extroverts are out in force, "processing" through typing.

But I just can't watch it. Rapid fire bursts of disparate information, with no time to process in between, just destroys my introverted brain. I think if I watched 3 in a row my head would implode. And I can't help but think that this event is really representative of a bias towards extroverted ways of thinking and acting that pervades much of evangelicalism today.

The good news is that you will be able to watch it later, one at a time, at your leisure. That is what I will be doing.

Tuesday Q&A part 7

2009-09-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

Here's a little interview I did with Christian Book Distributors (CBD) last month:

What was your motivation behind this project? To be honest, the book started out as somewhat of a self-apologetic. There were two unmistakable realities in my life – 1. I was called to be a leader in the church and 2. I was an introvert. But too often I experienced those two things as contradictory, and the book began as my way of trying to make sense of my call in light of my introverted temperament and vice versa. But as I thought about the topic and started talking with other introverts about it, I realized just how prevalent, and often how crippling, the struggles are for introverts in the church. So I decided to address not only leadership, but also spirituality, community, worship, and evangelism through an introverted lens.

What do you hope folks will gain from this project? My hope is that the book will help introverts both to find peace in their God-given personality preferences, and also to discover their places in their Christian communities, which so badly need their gifts and strengths.

How were you personally impacted by working on this project? It was a very healing process for me, to think deeply about my introversion and how that actually aids me in my life of discipleship. I loved talking with other introverts (one-on-one, of course!) about the topic and sharing struggles and hopes with them. There are a lot more of us out there than people might think and we are much more committed to the Church than people might think too. We are eager to discover our gifts and to use them for the blessing of others, as well as to engage in the Missio Dei. We just want to participate in ways that are authentic to who we are.

A preference, not a fallback plan

2009-09-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

I love Laurie Helgoe's, author of Introvert Power, response to this question on the Psychology Today website:

SD: What do you think is the most troubling general misconception about introverts?

LH: Wow -- it's hard to choose. I am very troubled by the tendency to define introverts by what they lack. Introversion is a preference, not a fallback plan. Introverts like being introverts. We are drawn to ideas, we are passionate observers, and for us, solitude is rich and generative. Think of all that goes on in the playground of solitude: daydreaming, reading, composing, meditating -- and just being, writing, calculating, fantasizing, thinking, praying, theorizing, imagining, drawing/painting/sculpting, inventing, researching, reflecting. You get the idea.

Quick book updates

2009-09-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

First, IVP just told me that chapter 6 of my book on introverts in leadership will be adapted into a feature article in the Christian Century, in either October or November!!!! I am incredibly excited about this.

Second, I'm told that Amazon has almost filled its first shipment of pre-ordered copies of Introverts in the Church. (Don't ask me why they have a set number of books they order before it comes out.) So if you want a copy when they first ship, buy now and you should have it around the middle of October. Otherwise it will be another couple of weeks, probably closer to the beginning of November.

Tuesday Q&A, part 6

2009-09-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

(A day early, as I prepare to go on vacation)

The last part of my interview about Introverts in the Church, with Jamie Arpin-Ricci:

JAR: What does it mean for introverts to be missional? To engage in evangelism? Do you have any examples to illustrate?

AM: I saw a blog post a while back that called introverts “sugar in the missional gas tank.” I was surprised by the lack of nuance and thoughtfulness in that post, but even more so I was startled that many commentors actually agreed with the author. Clearly, in many circles introverts are trying to dig themselves out of a deep hole, and maybe my book, if nothing else, will make a good shovel. It is a false dichotomy to say that extroverts do the work of evangelism and outreach, and introverts do the work of spirituality and prayer. It’s not a matter of different activities; it’s a matter of different ways of doing many of the same activities. Introverts can do evangelism, introverts can engage in the missio Dei, and if we are not, we are missing out a key and vital part of our discipleship. For introverts, the most important aspect of mission is context. We will likely to be better in one-on-one contexts than we will be in large groups, and we will likely be better with the same people over time than we will be with encountering strangers. If we center our strategies for evangelism and mission around our personal interests, then we will have more to say and we will find more energy from it. If we find ways to use our natural skills – listening, behind-the-scenes service, compassion, creativity and imagination – in our outreach, then we will be more successful.

I have an introverted friend who is an amazing sculptor, and she told me that she views her art as a wordless way of communicating the gospel. It’s not just that she hopes her art will become a conversation starter, but she prays what she sculpts will actually be a vehicle for mediating the presence of a creative, tender God. She knows that evangelism requires words as well but that God transcends and is more mysterious than any of our verbal formulas and homilies we so often us to try to bring someone to faith.

JAR: Tell us something about yourself that is completely odd and random.

AM: I have this weird thing for cats. I have 4 of them and I experience this odd resonance with them because cats are introverts. Sometimes when the doorbell rings I fantasize about running and hiding under the bed with them.

JAR: Thanks Adam.

Tuesday Q&A, part 5

2009-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

Part 5 of my interview about Introverts in the Church with Jamie Arpin-Ricci:

JAR: Your book is a prophetic call to the Church to wholeness. In that process, what do introverts need to be most careful of in respect to honouring and understanding extroverts?

AM: I love that you spelled “honouring” with a “u.” <JAR: I am Canadian, after all> One of my greatest fears surrounding this topic is that introverts, as they read the book and appraise their religious communities and traditions, will adopt a victim mentality. Already I have run into a number of introverts who are angry and resentful and who have many grievances against extroverts. What I want for them is to deal with their pain appropriately and constructively. I do not want my book to be a springboard for greater division and conflict among the church, because the reality is, there are a LOT of introverts out there who haven’t often been advocated for. Love must be our guide, and lashing out or vindictiveness is clearly not the way of Jesus. Nor is blaming others for our issues in a way that allows us to remain exactly as we are. We’re always called to growth in love, forgiveness, and compassion for others, regardless if we receive the same from the hands of others. I want introverts to read my book and take positive steps towards resolving conflict with extroverts, initiate constructive dialogue in their communities, and demonstrate the profound gifts they have to offer others. My hope is not that the scales will now be tipped in favor of introverts and introverted ways of thinking and acting, but that we can find a balance between introversion and extroversion so that our communities will show both the depth and breadth of God’s love.