Inside the Mind of an Addict

Journal: Day 2: The Kindness of Strangers...

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:14:00 +0000

I am still feeling out of sorts. Yes, it's 3 in the morning and I'm awake. And yes, I'm still drowning in the sea of madness in my brain. Then I read a comment left by someone on my blog -- someone I have never met, yet already think of her as a friend.

This woman offered to talk to me (even gave me her number). "The powerful connections in this fellowship will never cease to amaze me," I thought.

When I was in early recovery, a friend shared he felt like to be an alcoholic. "Why would anyone ever feel lucky to be an alcoholic?" I asked. I have come to understand, believe, what he was saying as true. This woman in recovery, who offered her shoulder and ear, is living proof.

I may never her, but I will always hold her offer close to my heart. "Thank God for the kindness of strangers in recovery..."

Journal - Day 1: I'm slipping Away...

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 06:16:00 +0000

I haven't been going to meetings lately. And I feel like I'm slipping away.

Once again, I roam the house, every night, in my own little world, trapped inside the insanity of my head. Tonight, my head is pounding, as if someone took a sledge hammer right between my eyes. I know I should read something, perhaps pick up the Big Book and get out of myself, but I don't -- I can't

"When will I ever be normal?" This is a question that I've asked myself since my childhood. And sadly, I never get the answer. So I accept my imperfections and move on -- help others to avoid dwelling on those imperfections. But tonight, as my daughter silently sleeps in the other room, I ask myself that question again...

I never knew, nor will I ever know, the definition of normal. And if I ever found out, would I want to be normal? Have I become so comfortable with my abnormalities that I would never be satisfied with normal. Still, I hide behind my normal facade -- fooling everyone in my life.

I was watching The Barbara Walters Special the other day -- in the middle of the night (Tivo-ed) of course, and became mesmerized by Mickey's Rourke's interview. He looked weird, almost distorted. "Is it just old age?" I asked myself. "Nah... something is not right about him." Then Barbara (like we're friends) asked him whether he ever wanted to kill himself. He stared at her, held his breath, and kept in his tears.

"I never wanted to die," he said. "I just wanted to go away."

I understood what he meant, more than I wanted to admit. Before I went into recovery, I felt the same way. And what really scares me is lately, I'm starting to feel this way again. That's why I'm writing this Journal post.

"I'm slipping away..."

VIDEO 10 Questions of Alcoholism

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:09:00 +0000

Watch the video with the 10 questions of alcoholism.

VIDEO Binge Drinking

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:03:00 +0000

Susan DeAngelis and The Unknown Drunk talk segment on binge drinking.

Drinking and Marijuana

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:01:00 +0000

Drinking and Marijuana: Where Can they Lead?
I just want to relax… I just want to fit in… No one loves me… I’m ugly and don’t want to feel anymore… I don’t care whether I live or die…” There are many reasons people turn to alcohol and drugs. Most people start out drinking or doing drugs occasionally; they don’t set out to get addicted. No one really knows who will become addicted and why? Genetic make-up, psychological and environmental factors, some develop an addiction immediately and others it takes time

How do I know I'm an Alcoholic?

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:54:00 +0000

Addiction is a growing epidemic, touching the majority of the population of the world in some shape or form. Close to half of the adults in America have a child, sibling, spouse or parent who has a problem with alcohol. If you look past the façade of an average person -- the check out girl at the grocery store, your next door neighbor, the dentist, our teachers, family and friends -- you would see the climbing numbers secretly hiding their pain and attempting to function in society. Read More...

Binge Drinking

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. D) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:44:00 +0000

What can happen when you binge drink?
Binge drinking, also known as heavy episodic drinking, is the massive consumption of alcohol in a short amount of time. An average person is said to have binged, when their blood alcohol concentration reads 0.08% or more. For the blood to reach this level males consume 5 or more drinks quickly, a female 4 drinks. This is known as the 5/4 rule. Height, weight, and other factors can alter this rule. Extreme drinking has been defined as the rapid consumption of 10 or more drinks for males and 8 for females. Read More...