Inside for Beginners

A long, long season is over

2009-06-05T11:41:00.001+01:00

Having started in August last year, my four-a-side team lost last night in the Chewton Mendip Knockout Cup meaning our long season of skittles is over.

We lost by 22 to Pete Perrin’s team, but losing to them is no embarrassment. In the first round, their score was 22 more than any other team and their total against us last night was the second highest scored so far!

It was generally a close game though, as we were only three down after four legs and only six down with one leg to go. However, they then hit 38 off their four players leaving us a mountain to climb and we barely reached the foothills.

For us, I top scored with 46 which I was very pleased with on the Chewton Club alley – I’ve hit my two highest scores there in these last two games.

Elsewhere in the cup, Skipper’s side won in round one and play again on Monday, while Mr T Lethaby Snr’s gaggle had a bye after their opposition didn’t turn up. They take to the second round on Tuesday.

As for the main team, we now get to put our feet up and relax for the summer. By the time our season begins again I should be a married man and have survived a stag do at the Newt Beer Festival (pictured right).

My next report should be after our first game, which will probably be near the end of August, or if something of significance happens in the world of skittles. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week: “Are you sure you’re not busy next week?” Said to all of us at various points of last night’s game, as we performed somewhat erratically. At the start of next season, this section will become Alley of the Week I think…

Back in action

2009-05-19T10:47:00.002+01:00

To plagiarise Grease (pictured right), summer skittles happens so fast…

Yes we are back in action already with the Chewton Mendip Four-a-side Knockout Cup, in which Team Clothier fields a whopping three sides. Skipper has a team, as do I and Mr T Lethaby Snr.

In my team are me, Pasty, Nashy and Wyatt Earp and we put in a top performance in the first round last night to win by eight. The reason it was such a good win was that the team we were playing was made up of players from the team which won B Division last season.

After the first two legs we were 10 pins down and I was beginning to worry that our interest in the cup would be over almost before it had begun. However, we upped our game and got things all level with two hands to go. The opposition then seemed to crack under the pressure and we pulled clear to win by eight.

I top scored with 47 including a spare, followed by Nashy who hit 45. Both these scores were impressive as we played, as all the games in this cup are, at Chewton Club. Whenever it has been raining, and it had been, the scores on this alley slump due to the brook running under the building.

Also, we had our entertaining league presentation night in Farrington Gurney a few nights ago. Having won the division, all members of Team Clothier got very nice engraved tankards and the team got a rather large trophy.

We, of course, then did the very mature thing – and filled the trophy with a mixture of all the spirits along the top row behind the bar. While us younger ones thought we could handle it, we were totally outshone by particularly the Fat Controller and Hurricane Hellard who lapped the concoction up.

The four-a-side teams of Skipper and Mr T Lethaby Snr both play next week, but the next match for my side is in a couple of weeks – round two of the cup. I don’t know who we are playing yet so it could be an interesting match. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week: “I’d have gone for that one too…” Said a few times to Pasty as he was shanking some shots down the side. He pulled a few good scores out when it mattered though…

The end has no end

2009-04-23T13:51:00.002+01:00

After nine months of action and Team Clothier knocking around 10,000 pins down, the skittles season is over.

We have won the league by something in the region of 10 points depending on the last couple of results from other teams and it can only be hailed as a cracking year. We’ve hit the best scores we’ve hit for years and we’ve been taking far more spare opportunities.

We ended the season with a 43-pin victory over Team Witcombe but we had a bit of a fright. Having started with a good 71 leg we were somewhat disappointed when their anchorman hit an 18 spare and they pulled two pins. They then pulled more on the second leg and things were looking a bit gloomy. However, we upped our game and ended up easing to a comfortable win.

Top scorer on the night was the Fat Controller who hit 63, which is the top scorer by any Team Clothier player this season. He was followed by me with 51, which was my top score of the year as well.

There was a lot of interest in the averages and I’m convinced some players were more focussed on that than the actual game… After much heckling and banter, Mr T Lethaby Snr emerged as top average, despite stiff competition from Wyatt Earp, Nashy and Pasty.

The end of the season leaves a skittle-sized whole in one’s life but don’t worry, the blog will go on! I will write a report on the finals presentation night next month which promises to be a riot of a night – I’m not sure Farrington Gurney will know what hit it. Hopefully we’ll be given a trophy like the one pictured – but I doubt it!

Also, I will do reports after our four-a-side games throughout the summer. Team Clothier will be entering three sides in the Chewton Mendip four-a-side knock-out cup so hopefully we will all get past the first round. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week: “Off the alley!” Shouted repeatedly at a rather de mob happy Wyatt Earp who was strolling around the Poacher’s Pocket as if he owned the place…

Little Miss Skipper

2009-04-08T08:30:00.001+01:00

The good thing with the end of the season is that everyone is chilled out and relaxed, and most often games descend into Mickey taking. And so it proved at our game against Team Patch last night.

The victim of our jokes was predominantly Skipper though, to be fair, he did not really help himself.

Having had a couple of shandies, Skipper decided that he needed to relieve himself and headed to the little boys room. Unfortunately for him, he went in the wrong door (pictured right) and was confronted with what I can only assume to have been pot plants, fragrant smells and tampon machines. The cheer when he emerged from the Ladies could probably be heard in South Wales.

Anyway, the game itself proved to be a straightforward victory for us champions, as we won five of the legs and drew the other. Of course, as we were playing at the Crown in Ridgehill finding the place was not so easy. Having set off what seemed like three days ago, our car eventually rocked up and five very stiff blokes eased themselves out of the Mondeo, busy massaging the feeling back into our legs. Actually, that last sentence sounds a bit dodgy – blame Pasty and his insistence on talking about adult TV channels last night…

Top scorer was Wyatt Earp with 47, stealing a march on his rivals in the list of averages for the season. The Fat Controller hit 45 and I hit 44 so there were some pretty good scores going round.

Next week sees yet another free week so we are back in action for our final game of the season a fortnight today. We are back at home and I’m sure there will be a bit of a party atmosphere. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week – “Go on, miss it you cheeky little ****”. Heard from the normally benign Fat Controller as his opposite player, the sticker-up, went to play. He was only aged about 12 FC – harsh, very harsh!

We are the champions!

2009-03-26T12:14:00.003+00:00

I have been dying to write that as a headline on this blog all year but finally it is true.

Team Clothier have been confirmed as the top team in Division D of the Mendip Farmers Skittles League. Go us! With only two games to go after last night’s match, we have an unassailable lead in the table and we now look forward to the presentation evening in May.

Farrington Gurney will not know what hit it as we all arrive, dressed up to the nines, ready to party (like it’s 1949 for some of our older team members). The thing is, how else should we celebrate? It has been years since this team won anything, so we want to make a song and dance about it.

So far suggestions have included an open top bus tour around Wells and an entry in Shepton Carnival with us all waving to the crowds, who will not know the hell we are. Post your comments below and we’ll try and do them all!

Anyway, back to last night’s game, and we achieved a straightforward victory against Team Edwards from East Harptree. We won by 36, and took the first five legs quite easily. They were a good crowd and we had a right laugh which was the main thing though. Mr T Lethaby Snr top scored with an excellent 55, followed by Skipper who went spares crazy and still only managed 49! I hit an OK 43, but was left with the same horrible frame for three legs in a row, so I’m quite pleased with my final total.

Next week is another free one, so we next play the following Tuesday against Team Patch at the Crown in Ridgehill. A little phrase we use when trying to find this pub in the back of beyond is that if you reach Bristol airport you’ve gone too far – but only just! It’s blinking miles away so we’ll have to make a bit of an expedition to get there. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: The Fat Controller – FC (pictured second right in Royal British Legion mode) is a relative newcomer to the side, and a renowned Chewton Mendip resident. A smooth mover, he always seems to perk up when we are playing a women’s team. After hitting a spare, he is often heard singing his catchphrase: “Happy days are here again!”

For who the bells toll

2009-03-18T16:05:00.001+00:00

What an alley. What a horrible, terrible alley.

Team Clothier played at a dog of an alley last night at the Bell Inn, Leigh-on-Mendip. My advice to anyone who has a fixture there in the forthcoming future is to make sure you have another engagement that night.

I hasten to add that there is nothing wrong with the pub at all, it is just the alley should send shivers down the collective spine of skittlers everywhere. I’m not sure what makes it stand out as being difficult – the length, width, small pins, heavy balls – but it was a nightmare to score on.

It says something when I was our team’s top scorer with 37. Yep, you read that correctly. Joe The New Kid and DJ both hit 36, and Skipper got 35, but we really were scraping the barrel. Nashy, one of our more consistent players, only got 26 with a zero scored in there – a fate also suffered by Wyatt Earp.

The game itself had an end-of-season feel to it, and we weren’t really too worried by our loss by just 1. Skipper left me a 10 spare to win and unfortunately I was only able to get 8 and not even force a draw. We are now waiting with baited breath, however, for the latest table to see if we are champions yet or not.

Thankfully we are back at home at the Poacher’s Pocket next week on Wednesday so we should see scores rise again. Well, that’s the theory. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Skipper – our captain has been running Team Clothier for decades and has remained a constant when faces have come and gone. He remembers fondly the one season when we were in the top division, a bit like Bristol City. Famous for driving a car as big as the QE2, Skipper (pictured right) is a well known face in local farming circles.

Falling educational standards

2009-03-05T14:03:00.002+00:00

The declining standards of educational standards, in maths at least, was ably demonstrated at our Team Clothier game last night against Team Alvis.

It was a really close game against a good bunch of lads and lasses, and their last man needed a seven to win. The Team Clothier heckling machine was out in full force but Tintin (as was chalked up) hit them much to his delight.

However, on counting up the leg totals and player totals things didn’t quite match up. It turned out they had got a few leg totals wrong and we hadn’t bothered to check. In the end it turns out that we won by four!

It was one of the weirdest ends to a game I can remember, which leads me to ask the question: What’s your weirdest conclusion to a skittles match? Get commenting…

What all this adds up to is that we may well be champions now. We are not sure because we don’t think the score card from last week’s game has been handed in yet. By the last table we had six points more than the teams in equal second. If you add four points for the wins last week and last night we would be 10 points clear with only four games to go.

Top scorer in the team last night was Nashy, who hit 51 with a spare on his last leg, followed by Joe The New Kid who, despite having futon issues, hit 46. Wyatt Earp was back from his finger-op so was on the bottom, but hit 54 to firmly cement his place back in the side. I hit 39, which was not helped by hitting a two on my first hand. The Fat Controller was in the Chair, hit 43, and pretty much broke even.

We don’t have a game next week as it is cup week again, so our next match is the following Tuesday. It is against Team Cambourne at the Bell Inn, Leigh-on-Mendip. I’ve never played there before, does anyone know what it’s like? Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: DJ – the team’s official party animal, DJ (pictured right with his big jugs) has calmed down recently due to him getting a missus. That hasn’t stopped his missile-like deliveries which are done with the sort of speed Steve Harmison would be impressed by. I also still maintain that DJ has less hair than me…

Good points and bad points

2009-02-24T19:23:00.002+00:00

Firstly an apology. Due to a rather delightful trip to Brussels with my better half, I was not able to do a blog after last week’s game.

Unfortunately, I clearly drank too much in the EU capital (which was fantastic by the way, if a little pricey) and I can’t really remember many details of the game! I know we won by quite a large margin but I’ll be damned if I can remember anything else…

Anyway, on to last night’s game at the Waggon and Horses at Doulting Beacon which was, for once, not shrouded in flog and soaked in tumultuous Mendip downpours. We were playing an all-female team so it was a good job the Fat Controller wasn’t there or we’d have lost him for the night…

We won the game by 27. Which was good. But we hit our lowest score of the season. Which was bad. But we kept hitting pins despite the demoralising score. Which was good. But I hit 32 and my lowest score of the season. Which was bad.

Top scorer was our man on the bottom Alan, who knocked 45 and took all the money. Next up was Mr T Lethaby Snr whose 43 keeps him in the hunt at the top of the averages, followed by DJ with 42 – his missile-like deliveries scaring the sticker-upper on numerous occasions.

I must make a couple of extra mentions as well. Firstly, sorry to Joe The New Kid for tipping my pint of Coke all down his jeans, I hope you’ve dried out now. And secondly, best of luck to Hurricane Hellard, who goes in to hospital on Monday to have a hip replacement, which will rule him out for the rest of the season.

Next week we play at home against Team Alvis, knowing that another win could almost seal promotion already. Fingers crossed for some top scoring. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Alan – always one to join in the verbal abuse, our ex-newspaper group chief executive (pictured right looking very dapper) has been a Team Clothier member for many years. He plays less regularly these days, but when he does, he can still pull a score out of the bag.

Whatever the weather

2009-02-10T19:29:00.001+00:00

Once again it was the weather which dominated our match last night as we were caught out by floods, snow drifts and blizzards.

We were playing at East Harptree on the concrete alley, and on the way there it was the deep flood waters resembling tropical water-splashes which caused concern, especially as none of us were driving big 4x4s normally used to tackle said torrents.

Then, halfway through the game, Mr T Lethaby Snr announced that snow was falling and settling. We tried to speed up the game but were hampered by the slowest sticker-up known to man.

On the way home, Team Clothier went in convoy and by now the roads resembled something you would find in the arctic. My MG struggled going up hill, but the best manoeuvre was performed by Mr T Lethaby Snr whose car did a Bambi on ice sliding impression near the Mendip Inn. Thankfully all of us got home safely.

As for the match, we were playing Team Currell and we won by 39 after winning all six legs. We are not huge fans of the Harptree Club alley but we hit one of our highest scores of the season and certainly our best ever there.

Top dogs were Wyatt Earp and Mr T Lethaby Snr who both hit 49 with a spare apiece, followed by me with 47, again including a spare. Skipper was in the Chair and for once failed to take much money, having to pay everyone bar one.

Next week we are back at the Poacher’s Pocket for a home game on Wednesday against Team Young. By then hopefully the snows and flood waters will have gone and we can worry about giving each other verbal abuse as usual. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Wyatt Earp – the team’s resident gunslinger, pictured right, is another who has featured in the side for many years. Currently enjoying his best season for some time, Wyatt will be sorely missed over the next month or so as he has to take a break following an operation on his hand.

Get the snow chains ready

2009-02-05T13:49:00.003+00:00

Team Clothier had a game in hand on most of the division so what does Skipper do? Arrange it for one of the snowiest nights of the year.

After Monday night’s conditions we thought we had seen the worst of the weather, but just as we arrived at the Poacher’s Pocket, the white stuff started to fall again. And it kept falling all game until we were ready to go.

By this point some of our cars were somewhat snowed in – Pasty got his out despite a barrage of snowballs from Nashy, DJ and Joe The New Kid. Mine was the farthest into the car park and the deepest in snow, but I put my knowledge of Rally Sweden to the test and got out of the thick stuff fine. Unfortunately, I then got to the icy main bit of the car park and promptly couldn’t get anywhere. Thankfully Mr T Lethaby Snr was on hand to lend a bit of weight, and he helped by pushing my car and I got away.

But what of the game? Well, we were playing Team Freestone who we beat by only four last week, and again it proved to be a tight encounter. We had fallen 14 behind after the first leg, but pulled back to only four down by the fourth leg.

We then monstered the leg and hit 81 thanks to two spares, but it could have been more if I hadn’t wasted my spare ball by throwing it straight through. We were 26 up going into our last leg but we didn’t hit too good a score. When they suddenly had two spares it made things interesting, but we won out by 10 in the end.

Top scorer on the night for us was Hurricane Hellard with a storming 53, followed by me with 50, thanks to me actually taking advantage of a spare and hitting 14 on the last leg. Joe The New Kid was in the Chair and he hit 48 meaning he only had to pay Hurricane and I.

It’s Nashy’s birthday on Saturday (watch out the pubs of Shepton/Wells/Street) so he did the five half-pint challenge last night and got his best time. He came in with a very respectable 12 minutes 36 seconds.

Next week we play away at Harptree Club, in East Harptree, on Monday on the concrete alley where we may or may not be playing with the rubber balls (ooh err missus, and all that). Let’s hope the snow stays away but looking at the forecast I may need to hunt out those snow chains. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Hurricane Hellard – Hurricane (pictured front right in this old photo of Team Clothier from 1999) has been a member of the team since it was started some 40 years ago. A lynchpin of the side, normally playing at number four, he is also known for his performances on the dancefloor at the team’s Christmas bash…

Handling the pressure

2009-01-28T12:07:00.001+00:00

It was a damp and misty night atop the Mendips. Two hardy skittles teams were locked in combat in a crucial game at the top of D Division.

Team Freestone had home advantage and the edge with just two legs remaining. Knowledge of their tough alley and a spare had put them 11 up and things were looking rosy.

However, they had not reckoned with Team Clothier’s spirit. A fightback began on leg five, as Skipper and his squad pulled five back to leave the two teams separated by six with a leg to go. The pressure was beginning to get to Team Freestone, they hit a lowly 47 leg on their last go and Team Clothier knew they were in with a shout.

Consistency throughout the team’s scores on the final leg left the anchor man needing four to win it. He stepped up and his first ball took just the back pin. The pressure increased when his second ball took only two more. Everyone held their breath as he threw the last delivery of the game… and managed to knock down four more to take the victory! Who was this heroic anchorman? Oh yeah – it was me…

After taking the plaudits and being very chuffed with myself, I then realised I had only hit 40 overall and had to buy my man a drink. I got money off the Chair though – DJ hit 36 and had to pay pretty much the entire team.

Top scorers for us were Mr T Lethaby Snr and Hurricane Hellard who both hit 43 to help their away averages no end.

Also a notable mention must go to Joe The New Kid who tackled the five half-pint challenge for the first time. His time of 14 minutes and 34 seconds was the quickest so far of the people who have done it and who don’t have a drink problem.

Next week we are not sure whether we have a game yet. It is a cup week and our interested ended a few months ago in the cups. However, we still have our game in hand against Team Freestone to play, so we might be back at the Poacher’s Pocket on Wednesday against the same opposition. Watch this space. Until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Joe The New Kid (pictured) – it has to be Joe for his five half-pint challenge performance. One of the hairiest members of Team Clothier, Joe The New Kid has become an excellent acquisition for the side this year. He had never really played skittles before, but as a goalkeeper for Belrose he was used to seeing balls hitting woodwork.

Streaking clear

2009-01-22T15:16:00.002+00:00

Team Clothier is back on a roll and moving clear at the top of D Division of the Mendip Farmers League.

Last night we defeated the team of John Witts who were second in the league behind us. We now lead the table by three points, with two points for a win. We also have a game in hand so we are feeling slightly confident.

This was a tough match with the lead swinging one way and then the other like a confused transvestite. However, on the fourth leg (which we are notoriously bad in) we hit a 69 and pulled clear. We then kept pulling away until we won by a comfortable 24.

Leading the way in the team was our very own gunslinger Wyatt Earp who hit a top shootin’ 51, followed by Nashy who hit 50 which might just, possibly, maybe, mean he is top of the averages. Top score overall though was Mr T Lethaby Snr, who hit 60 on the bottom, but then there is no pressure when you’re not in the side

The Fat Controller was in the Chair and had a mixed night. He hit 46 so drew money off most people but it could have been so much more. After starting with two eights, he then got a flopper to much cheers. However, the glory went to his head and he put the next two balls straight through. It’ll take a while for him to live that down…

I hit 45 so had to pay the Chair but I hit a nice spare myself so I am pleased with my night’s work, especially as I beat my man.

Next week we play another team near the top, Team Freestone. These guys were third by the latest table I’ve seen and they also have a game in hand. This, of course, is against us, so it is another crucial week. If we win at the Waggon and Horses on Tuesday, then we really would have our fate in our own hands as far as the title goes. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Mr T Lethaby Snr – Our usual number two in the team is known to occasionally cross-dress (pictured) and to always lose things, such as keys, wallet, phone, passport... However, he’s normally one of our most consistent players, even if he does have a beard. Humorous tales are too many to mention them all, just if you ever meet him, ask him about the time he downed a shot, wobbled to his feet, proclaimed “I played rugby y’know” and strode out of the pub before I could even get my drink to my lips…

Random number generators

2009-01-14T09:14:00.001+00:00

Consistency was notable by its absence this week, but Team Clothier has still kept up its title push with another win.

We were playing Dave Watts’ team at the George in Gurney Slade and were victorious by 16, but our inconsistency almost cost us the match.

Having worked our way into a 12-pin lead we then conspired to hit a 42 leg which, as anyone who has ever played league skittles will know, is complete and utter pants. We suddenly went to being five down and things were looking shakier than a nervous jelly.

However, Team Clothier is never one to take such rubbish lying down, and we stepped up and hit a 66 leg and promptly were nine ahead again, leading eventually to the 16-pin win.

Chief random number generator, but top scorer, was Nashy (see player of the week below) who started and ended with a spare, but hit a 3 in there as well to end with 51. Second highest was the Fat Controller was hit a rather good 47, including a couple of hands when he thought he had a spare but couldn’t see the other end of the alley well enough to see that there was still a pin standing.

I hit 40, but that should have been more as I got a spare on my first hand and then chucked the last ball down the left-hand gutter – getting too excited I guess! Wyatt Earp was in the Chair and hit 42, drawing from most of the team.

As we tucked into our sandwiches and chips after the game, which were very nice by the way, it got me thinking. What is the best and worst skittles food you’ve ever been served? As for me, the Apple Tree at West Pennard used to do full-on fish and chips which was great and our home alley, the Poacher’s Pocket, always puts on a good spread. On the rubbish side, I could name a few who have given us dodgy curries or stale bread…

Our game next week is on Wednesday at home against fellow pace-setters Team Witts, one of only two teams to defeat us in the league this season, the other being Watts who we beat last night. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Nashy – Our opener (pictured) has excelled at that position since moving there for this season. Being a, whisper it, estate agent Nashy has plenty of time on his hands these days which he spends, we reckon, practising skittles, hence the top scores this year.

A new year and a new challenge

2009-01-09T11:18:00.003+00:00

Team Clothier moves into 2009 equal top in D Division of the Mendip Farmers Skittles League and hoping for the title. However, our charge into the new year was halted by the fact that we didn’t have a game scheduled this week.

So we decided to keep our hand in with a friendly game, but little did we know what a challenge it would be.

We decided to invite all the Team Clothier SWAGS along to play. SWAGS stands for Skittles Wives And Girlfriends and most of us were promptly shown up. We rotated the team so it went Team Clothier member, SWAG, Team Clothier member and so on so things were even, but Skipper’s side beat mine by 10.

Mr T Lethaby Snr starred on the night with 50 but his SWAG for the night was DJ so he could focus on his game. Nashy just beat Mrs Nashy by 1, but Hurricane Hellard lost out and faced much abuse! I hit a well-earned but spare-free 41.

Another player to just beat their better half was Pasty. Now Pasty had his birthday on Monday so he had to face the five half-pint challenge last night, which made for an entertaining evening. Not known as a big drinker, Pasty achieved a rather good 19 minutes for the challenge but was flying afterwards. I couldn’t possibly repeat some of the stuff he was saying, suffice to say it was amusing and rather X-rated.

The skittles season resumes proper next Tuesday at the George in Gurney Slade. Last night’s scores do not count towards who gets in the team so it should be a similar side to that which played at Chew Magna just before Christmas. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Pasty (pictured) – our regular at the number three slot in the side has to be featured this week as he tackled the five half-pint challenge. A member of Team Clothier for a good eight years or so he has been known to discuss tactics until the wee small hours. One of his most famous Team Clothier moments was when he got rather drunk one night at the Sheppey Inn, Godney, and heckled a player for foot faulting despite the opponent having to use two walking sticks to stay upright…

At world’s end – well, Chew Magna

2008-12-17T10:58:00.002+00:00

The Mendip Farmers’ Skittles League takes us to many towns and villages, but surely our furthest drive of the season was last night to Chew Magna.

After driving for what seemed like an eternity, especially as it was so foggy, we finally arrived at the rather nice Queen’s Arms. Joe did a sterling job as driver despite ignoring his sat nav on numerous occasions, and being told off by the posh voice in the process.

Victory was ours as well, once again beating the top side in the division. To be honest, I am surprised how easy we were able to beat Sparks soundly two weeks in a row. The win puts us right back at the top of the table and in contention for the title.

Top scorer was Wyatt Earp (who is having his best season in years) with a disciplined 44, followed by the Fat Controller with 42 and Nashy with 40. Hurricane Hellard was in the Chair and not doing too badly until he got a big fat zero on his last hand! His score of 29 drew with Skipper though so at least it got money off someone.

I hit 35 which was not bad considering I was tackling the Five Half-Pint Challenge (see earlier blog). My time in this dropped considerably for my rather poor effort a year ago. I did it in a storming 23 minutes and five seconds, and kept it all down, unlike after our skittles Christmas meal last week.

Ah yes, the Christmas meal. I can’t really remember very much of it, but from what I do recall it was good fun. There was rather a lot of drink downed, the food was lovely and DJ’s new missus didn’t seem too scared by us all so I think, all in all, it was a success. I’m not sure my delightful other half would agree, though, having to deal with a rather ill Tim the following morning.

We now hit our Christmas break, with the next scheduled game being a friendly for players and their partners on January 7 at home. This is because we were due to play the team which has pulled out of the league. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood, merry Christmas and a happy new year!

Tim

Player of the week: We’d best start with me (pictured right), I guess. What can be said about me that hasn’t been said before? Well, that I’m fat and I have lots of hair really. I’ve been a member of Team Clothier for eight seasons or so and self-nominated myself vice-captain. I can often be found at Team Clothier matches tapping people up for stories for the paper or shouting abuse to DJ…

Title challenge back on track

2008-12-11T15:31:00.003+00:00

After a dip in form that a charging Light Brigade would be proud of, Team Clothier got back into title contention with a win by eight against the unbeaten league leaders last night.

Consistent performances all round and our opposition struggling a bit meant we were able to stay in contention when we had a bad leg and stretched away with the finishing line in sight.

Pasty lead the way, hitting 52 in the Chair and winning money off of everyone. He seems to play better whenever money is involved so we might have to introduce a win bonus for him.

All the other scores were in the 40s apart from DJ and Joe The New Kid who both hit 37. They ended well but started dodgier than a 1980s rock star’s haircut.

After my appalling performance last time out, I was playing on the bottom and I hit my top score of the season! I hit 50, including my first flopper of the year – serve them right for leaving me out of the team…

At this point I must make a mention to the honourable website of the Berkeley and District Skittles League. They have kindly put a link to this fine blog on their site so hopefully we will soon get comments from as far afield as, well, Gloucestershire. Check out their site at http://www.berkeleydsl.org.uk/index.php.

We are halfway through the season and the fixtures now reverse. This means we play the team we played last night next week as well – Tuesday night in fact at the Queen’s Arms in Chew Magna. I’ve never been to the pub, let alone played there, and apparently the alley is long and difficult. Before that, though, we have our annual Team Clothier Christmas meal, about which I’m sure there will be many amusing stories to tell in the next Inside For Beginners. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the Week: Playing on the bottom – a player on the bottom will be there because he or she hit a rubbish score the week before, and needs to hit a higher score than a player in the team to get back into the eight people who have their scores counted. This is the final Definition of the Week, as from next week it will be replaced by Player of the Week!

A return to last season

2008-11-27T16:51:00.001+00:00

Last year, Team Clothier just could not win a game due to low scores and in particular spare opportunities missed. Sadly this form appears to have returned for us!

Last night we played the jovial team captained by Dave Watts, even though he wasn’t there, and we lost by 20, hitting a rather pants total and generally harking back to the dark days of last season.

I didn’t help, hitting a rubbish 33! Y’know those games sometimes, when you step up to play and you just know the ball is going to go where you aim? Well, I had a match exactly the opposite. The number of times I just clipped the front or quarter pins and just took a pin or two really frustrated me. It left me with a horrible frame each time and then all I could hope for was a hard-working 6.

The Fat Controller did not fare any better as he only hit 33 as well but it was not bad news all round. Pasty hit an impressive 51, as he actually took his spare chance. Nashy hit 47, and Mr T Lethaby Snr hit 41 in the chair, taking money off six of us.

We are nearing the midway point of the season and it looks like our division is going to be a close three-way fight for the two promotion spots. Our next two games are against the top team so they could be the deciding weeks of the season.

We are happy with how things have gone so far, but are a bit worried with our little slump, a la Arsenal and William Gallas (pictured) at the moment. The question is: how happy are you with your skittles team’s performance so far? Get commenting if things are going spectacularly good or bad!

Next week we don’t have a game as we were due to play the team Crozier, but they have pulled out of the league. Therefore the next fixture is at home again against Sparks, the aforementioned top side. Time to get into training! Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Foot fault – where you step over the foot fault line, supposedly giving you an advantage. In reality, it quite often does the opposite, and in some alleys there is not even one marked!

Hip, hip hooray! (But not for the result)

2008-11-21T15:00:00.002+00:00

One of Team Clothier had a rather unusual conversation with his doctor this week.

Hurricane Hellard has been having hip problems and went to see his quack about it. Pointing at his side, he explained to the doc that the hip which had previously been replaced was playing up badly and was making him uncomfortable.

The doctor nodded as he listened intently to what Hurricane was saying. After hearing all about the pain, the doctor replied: “But it was your other hip we replaced…”

Hurricane was convinced but after much discussion and a check of the hospital records, it turned out that the GP was right and Hurricane had thought the wrong hip had been done all along.

Suffice to say, he wasn’t at skittles last night, and we all hope his non-replaced hip isn’t giving him too much trouble. Also, it’s good to see how well the Fat Controller is progressing after his operation.

Unfortunately, though, we lost for the first time in the league last night against a team also looking for promotion this year. The game ebbed and flowed with first us taking the lead, and then our opposition (Witts at Pilton Working Mens’ Club).

Going into the last leg, we trailed by only 1. However, they hit an excellent last leg leaving us 67 to win. We did OK, but it came down to me needing to hit 15 to win. I sent my first ball down perfectly to get a flopper, or at least 7. At the last minute it veered off to just clip the front pin and make a spare nearly impossible. In the end we lost by 8.

Pasty led the score sheets with 54 (I think, but then the game was even more exciting than individual scores this week) including starting with two spares. Nashy was in the chair and hit 45, drawing from more than half the team. I hit 44 to keep my solid season going.

Next week, we are back home at the Poacher’s Pocket and hopefully we will halt the little wobble we are on at the moment. We should have a full squad available so the pressure for places will be back on. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Sticker-up – the poor young person, normally a spotty teenager being paid a pittance, who has to put the pins back up for both teams. We don’t normally give them much work to do, but they are issued with a hard hat when DJ is playing.

Free to concentrate on the league

2008-11-14T15:19:00.001+00:00

I have just returned from 10 days in sunny Florida, holidaying with the fiancée and the youngsters in DisneyWorld. A wonderful time was had by all, and the only part of my body which I sunburnt was my feet!

However, while we were off enjoying the wildlife at Animal Kingdom, Cinderella’s Castle at Magic Kingdom (pictured) and the spectacle that is Indiana Jones at Disney Hollywood Studios, the skittles matches went on.

First up was the front pin first, four-a-side cup for Team Clothier, and this is not our favourite event. Normally, when Skipper says: “It’s front pin first next week, who wants to make up the team?” he is met with a deathly silence.

The four unfortunate souls who did play were Pasty, Nashy, Nashy’s dad and DJ. Nashy and Pasty did OK with scores in the 30s, but Old Man Nash only hit 12. And then came DJ…

Try as he might, DJ could not hit that front pin and ended up with a total of, wait for it, five. That’s only five over the whole six legs! It does beg the question – what’s your lowest ever front pin first score? Mine’s 12…

Nevertheless, undeterred, DJ fought back in the third round of the proper cup, top scoring with 50. Played at the George Inn, Gurney Slade, Team Clothier was playing a side from Division B, two divisions higher than us.

We made a good fight of it, being only two down going into the last leg, but the pressure proved to be too much as we ended up losing by 21. However, this means we are left to concentrate on the league, of course…

Next week, we play on Thursday at the Pilton Working Mens’ Club, a venue which has seen us win a few times in the past. Let’s hope that continues, even if I am playing on the bottom as I missed the cup game. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Dam buster – A shot which is bounced down the alley, rather than rolled. This can sometimes lead to eyebrows being raised by the landlord and hard hats being worn by the two teams.

An all-time great quote

2008-10-30T14:27:00.001+00:00

It was one of those great classic quotes, the timing of which was perfect. Team Clothier was under the cosh for the first time this season and things weren’t looking good. Wyatt Earp (pictured) then steps up and throws down two decent balls but he had only hit four down so far.

"How many are left?" he called down to the sticker-upper.

"You’ve still got the back pin up," came our reply, to which he innocently said: "on which side?" We fell about laughing – pure genius!

Anyway, that broke the tension, we relaxed and ended up romping to another victory. We won by 13 which is our smallest victory this season, but we were up against our biggest test.

The team we were playing, Currell who play at East Harptree Club, had their seventh player get a flopper on his first two hands which set them up nicely, but we fought back over the final four legs. Of course, it begs the question: what’s the most number of hands in a row that you have got floppers in?

For Team Clothier, Hurricane Hellard hit form with 52 and Joe The New Kid also topped 50 with 51. I hit 46, which was ahead of the top two in our team’s averages – Nashy and Pasty.

Skipper was in the chair and for once the thought of money did not inspire him. He hit 42 and had to pay more team-mates than he drew money from.

Our game next week has been postponed due to half of the team being on holiday (not all together I hasten to add), myself included. I am checking out the delights of DisneyWorld so when I get back I will probably play skittles wearing a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. The week I’m back, my team-mates have the first round of the front pin first cup and the third round of the "proper" cup so I will blog on those when I get back. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Film star – something I am now aspiring to, following my debut on video. Check our my colleague’s blog Here Comes Christmas at http://here-comes-christmas.blogspot.com/

Clash of the titans

2008-10-21T20:47:00.003+01:00

It was like the Clash Of The Titans as the top two sides in Division D of the Mendip Farmers League came head-to-head last night - and after a slightly iffy start, Team Clothier came out on top!

We beat the team called Young by 30 pins to create our biggest run of wins since I've been playing for the team. Our opposition hadn't lost this season either but had drawn twice and they had some good skittlers in their team. However, once we got our noses in front we stretched away.

Nashy top scored for the second week in succession by hitting 45 thanks to a flopper and some consistent play. Then came Joe The New Kid who also hit a spare and the Fat Controller, who we all wish good luck to as he was going into hospital today for an op.

I was in the chair for the first time this season and ended up just up having drawn from four and paid out three players. My 40 keeps my average pretty decent (42.67 in case you were wondering). Thankfully playing helps my stiffness following my recent accidents...

We were playing at the Lamb Inn at Clandown which was a bit of a hike for some of us. It's a weird old pub which seems to go on for ever, smells of wee a bit and had people playing table tennis in one room. The alley was quite long and the pins small but once it warmed up we got the hang of it.

We look to take our unbeaten run on next Wednesday with a home match at the Poacher's Pocket. Can we make it nine in a row? And if you play in a team, please comment to let me know you're longest winning streak so we can try and beat it! Anyway, until then...

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Off the side - often shouted when you shank a ball into the side of the alley and any pins it subsequently knocks down are put back up. The more you have to drink, the more often this phrase is used...

A bit of a prang

2008-10-16T20:42:00.005+01:00

My skittles playing was somewhat curtailed this week by a blithering idiot who decided to drive head on into my car. Pootling back from band practice nice and safely my car got smacked in the front by a driver "swerving to miss a deer". Hmm... sure you were mate, most of us swerve to miss deers by going on to the wrong side of the road for some distance at 80mph.

Anyway check out my destroyed car (pictured right) and then you will realise why I couldn't play skittles this week. I couldn't miss out on writing this blog though so I pass over the keyboard to team member extraordinaire Pasty for a report on the game:

Team Clothier have won again and this time by another massive margin of 57!! Our pin average is looking a bit good this year!! We were back at our home alley at the Poacher's Pocket and hosting A Bown, an all-women team, that put up quite a spirited fight, but couldn't quite match our fine form of late.
Also we were playing with a weakened team without the likes of Lethaby Jnr and DJ, both who had been involved in car accidents. They really must stop hitting people, or is that the other way round?!! Nashy top scored with 53 followed by Skipper with 46. The rest were close behind and in the 40s. Except at the other end of the spectrum was the Fat Controller who hid a shocking 32. He seemed more interested in chatting up the ladies on the opposing team - what a Leg End!!

Thanks for that Pasty, a fine report I think all will agree?! Our next match is Monday at the Lamb Inn, Clandown, which is miles away! Hopefully I will be fit enough to resume in the team. Anyway, until then...

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the Week: Ladies - A word usually shouted from the opposing team when the Fat Controller is on the alley to distract him...

A cup upset

2008-10-08T10:41:00.003+01:00

The season just gets better and better for Team Clothier. Last night we beat a team from two divisions higher than us in the knockout cup – and by 28! We are now through to the third round for the first time since I’ve been in the team, which is about a decade.

Our B Division opposition, Dyke from the Pheasant at Worth, won the first leg, but we won every other leg even when they pulled some good scores out of the bag. We hit five spares, and generally played really well. We now like to think that we are having a good season as we have proved we can beat a B Division team.

As far as scores go, Joe The New Kid played a blinder and he is really coming good for the team. He hit 51 which is good scoring, even if it was a left-hander’s alley! Just behind him was Wyatt Earp with his second 50 of the season. DJ was in the Chair and was only doing OK early doors, but then he hit a spare on his last hand to draw money off half the team. He hit 47 I think but certainly got money off me as I scored 44.

We were playing down the Horseshoe in Shepton Mallet, the first time we have done so since it reopened. Run now by Ken and Steph Turner (pictured), it is really nice to have a decent pub in the town again! They seem to be doing well, and they’ve done a good job in the refit. The alley is a touch odd though, nice and short, but the old fireplace sticks out into where you stand to bowl. It was a good job Hurricane Hellard wasn’t playing last night or he could have done himself a mischief!

Next week we are back in league action at home in the Poacher’s Pocket (I had a lovely roast dinner there on Sunday, by the way). Hopefully the league will send the newspaper the tables soon so everyone can see how we are doing! We want to keep our six-game winning streak going on Wednesday next week whatever. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Danger pin – As in calls of “that’s the danger pin gone” when on your first ball you just take one pin, normally down the side. I hear that far too often…

How times have changed

2008-10-01T14:15:00.004+01:00

This week’s Inside For Beginners has a historic theme to it as this cartoon was unearthed in the newspaper’s archives. It shows the Westbrook Wanderers team and the men who played for them. They all look fine gentlemen, but I’m a bit worried that one is called "Shaky" Oliver, who either got very nervous before a game or very cold…

As you can see, the look is somewhat different to Team Clothier (see our picture in the first post of this blog) and I wonder if we will survive the test of time any better than they have? Also, I wonder if any of the Westbrook Wanderers are still around – it would be good to get a comment from them if they are.

Anyway, on to this week’s game, and it was another comprehensive victory for us! We strolled home by 45 for the second week running, after winning every leg. I now make it that we have played five, won five, and have a pin difference of plus 219. Not bad…

Top scorer was Mr T Lethaby Snr who hit 50, and who was the player who reacquainted himself best with the alley at the George in Gurney Slade, which used to be our home strip. I hit 41 which was OK considering I was very inconsistent, and generally scores were pretty good.

We need another nickname though. Alan has played for the team for years, but we weren’t sure how many games he would be able to play this season. However, he should be able to make it plenty of times so therefore needs a nickname, especially as he was in the Chair and had to pay most people last night apart from the Fat Controller. Any suggestions, please comment…

Next week should be our first real test as we play a B Division team in the knock-out cup. The game will be on Tuesday at the Horseshoe in Shepton Mallet, which has recently reopened and means there finally is a decent pub in the town. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the week: Flopper – When a player hits all nine pins down with one ball, a feat which we rarely achieve. It is categorically not about anyone’s performance in the bedroom…

The five half-pint challenge

2008-09-25T15:48:00.003+01:00

This is all getting a bit silly – this week we won by 45. For the last couple of seasons we barely won by more than 10, if we won at all. This season we haven’t won by less than 32!

Pasty top scored with 53 and he was the only person Hurricane Hellard had to pay in the Chair. I scored 44, which was just above average, with the lowest score being 39 from the Fat Controller, which isn’t too bad.

There were two other forms of entertainment though. Firstly, it was a slightly tiddled Skipper, who had been on the ciders at the Mendip Ploughing Match all day.

Secondly, there was DJ, whose birthday it is today – happy birthday, you old boozer! As it was the game closest to his birthday, as is tradition, he had to see how quickly he could drink a half of lager, a half of Guinness, a half of cider, a half of real ale and a half of double vodka and lemonade.

This sounds easier than it is, as I showed when it took me a whopping 35-ish minutes last year. Pasty has done it in 29 minutes and Nashy in 22. There are people we know who have done it is 57 seconds, but they didn’t keep it all down afterwards so that doesn’t count. DJ, though, smashed the non-chunder record in an impressive four minutes, 50 seconds.

Therefore, my question this week for you to comment on is: how quick have you done the five half-pint challenge, or reckon you could do it in?

Next week we play away from home again, down the George at Gurney Slade on Tuesday. The George used to be our home alley, so it’ll be interesting how it has changed. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Definition of the Week: Drink on nine – normally shouted when you have only one ball left and a pin on the far left and another on the far right. I’ve only seen one drink achieved out of this set-up…