Inner Radiance

This blog has moved

2010-05-01T16:54:00.003-07:00

This blog is now located at http://blog.elizabethrightor.com/.
You will be automatically redirected in 30 seconds, or you may click here.

For feed subscribers, please update your feed subscriptions to
http://blog.elizabethrightor.com/feeds/posts/default.

This blog has moved

2010-05-01T16:54:00.001-07:00

A New Day Sun

2009-12-14T16:46:00.000-08:00

He Came Out

the darkness, yes,
but also the light.
from the East, a new day
sun,
wind that moves
the fixed within
the lonesome without.
owl coming out
of a tavern, out of a cave
with rubble all around.
that’s the truth, where
he came from--
and in the daylight!
in the crisp
morning air,
he came out!
I watched him track
the chipmunk
eager, with people staring,
he sat and watched,
head moving slowly,
blending into
the cross of trees
he called cedar,
he called home.
invite in the truth
to resurrect
the old ways, bring
new ways,
bring them into the world
in a good way.

Visit Inner Radiance Blog again soon for helpful articles, tips on relationships, poetry, inspiration, and insight. Author Elizabeth Rightor, MA, MEd is a family therapist in private practice who specializes in working with couples and women suffering from anxiety. You can find more about her and her work at www.elizabethrightor.com.

Kalings--poems on death, love, and rebirth

2009-12-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

My chapbook of poems, titled Kalings is available online.

Kalings is a collection of poems on death, love, and rebirth. Its name plays on the common usage of the word calling, which Merriam-Webster defines as "a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence" and Kali, the Hindu goddess of death, destruction, and more positively, eternal energy. These poems comprise a deep spiritual journey through the issues of love, loss, and longing that make each of us human. It is my hope that they will inspire you, transform you, and leave you contemplating your own callings, eager to take steps toward your dreams.

Visit Inner Radiance Blog again soon for helpful articles, tips on relationships, poetry, inspiration, and insight. Author Elizabeth Rightor, MA, MEd, is a family therapist in private practice who specializes in working with couples and women suffering from anxiety. You can find more about her and her work at www.elizabethrightor.com.

In being a storming ocean, and never a calm blue sea.

2009-11-03T09:14:00.000-08:00

Recently, in celebration of my father and his life, I participated in a seven-hour silent meditation. I suspected that sitting in silence might quell the intensity of grief I felt about the loss of my father--that I would again feel a sense of peace--and let's just be honest, that my life would go back to normal.

I am very glad I did this silent meditation; and yet, it was not at all what I had expected. My day of silence was full of emotion--emotions of every shape and color and sound, emotions of every state of being.

Experiencing raw, unfiltered sadness, anger, and loneliness was healing for me. But it was in allowing these emotions in their full force, in not hiding from them or minimizing them, that enabled me to let the emotions move through me and transform me.

There was a sense of embracing truth, whatever that was in any particular moment. Truth in memories of my father's strength and love. Truth in feeling that my life would never again be the same. Truth in feeling I did not have enough time with him. And truth in knowing that I have to go on and live my life and my dreams, even though I will miss him greatly.

After my experiment finished, my friend who participated in the silent meditation with me shared that a famous Western meditation teacher once talked about accepting whatever you are feeling moment by moment and learning to be at peace with that. He was, of course, talking about Jon Kabat-Zinn and the book "Wherever You Go, There You Are," which reminded me of something I wrote many years ago about the challenge and beauty of meditation. I would like to share that piece with you here.

"You have always been a storming ocean, and never a calm blue sea…” (2006)

I was looking out at the ocean, thinking that I felt more at home there than anywhere else. I always have. It’s powerful. Awesome. Beautiful. I was wondering why I felt so comfortable. It’s as if part of my soul is fragmented and only comes alive when I’m at the ocean. I’m a Cancer and we love the water? No. It’s almost a full moon? No.

I remember what someone dear to me whom I dated for a very long time said to me once, “You have always been a storming ocean, and never a calm blue sea...”

I wonder what it would be like sometimes—to be like a calm blue sea. Soothing. Peaceful. Not turbulent, wild, unpredictable. That peacefulness, the stillness, is something I long for and yet I wonder if I would be more content living a life that was more constant, not prone to such fluctuation. Such great highs and incredible lows.

On the drive home, I listened to Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, where he talked about mindfulness meditation. He says that many of us try constantly to “push the river.” But you can’t push a river.

Exactly!

He mentioned qualities that can help with a path of mindfulness meditation. Patience. Concentration. Generosity (of self). There was a long list. I think I struggle with many of them. I don’t know how to stand in the middle, to not be swayed by extremes of joy and sadness.

Recently, I was reading about my numerological profile to a friend of mine. It said that people with the number 9 as their life path number swing between depression and ecstasy. “You don’t do that. Swing between depression and ecstasy."

I laughed. “Sadly, yes, I do. Very much so.”

Maybe the calmness comes with practice. Jon Kabat-Zinn mentioned that you can’t aim to obtain a more peaceful state with meditation, but really the purpose is to be fully aware of all moments and emotions exactly as they are. In joy. In anger. In sadness.

In being a storming ocean, and never a calm blue sea.

Visit Inner Radiance Blog again soon for helpful articles, tips on relationships, poetry, inspiration, and insight. Author Elizabeth Rightor, MA, MEd is a family therapist in private practice who specializes in working with couples and women suffering from anxiety. You can find more about her and her work at www.elizabethrightor.com.

Banyan Tree

2009-10-14T12:05:00.000-07:00

Banyan Tree
by Elizabeth Anne Rightor

cherish this anger,
blow into it with billows,
make it come alive
in flame.
burn all that was in my
mind, in my heart.
sing loudly, shout
back
at God.
shout loudly at myself,
surrender to
this fire.

I would lean into
this
unspeakable
sadness,
lean into love
that perplexes me
that leaves me
soaring and longing,
never knowing the outcome.

If I were not looking
for an easier, softer way,
I would say no
to anyone and anything
that battled
with the urgency
of my heart,
battled with the
waves of intensity
that come calling
in the pitch black
of night.

I would embrace
the fire—embrace
the darkness and
touch the hot stones,
white—like starlight.

I would sit
under a banyan tree
and let
the salt water
cover my body—
let the elements
take away
everything.

I would
let
the world
hold me.

I would let
the soft Earth
sing to me
its sweet song.
I would stay
here
in this world.
I would do whatever it takes
to kiss the Earth,
to give back to it
the seed that brought
me life.

I would
open trust
like a canyon
and dive
into its deep waters
black and blue and
turbulent.

I would never
again
look
back
and wonder
why.

I would dance
with Death.
I would call him beside me.
I would learn to love
his crooked smile.
I would allow myself
to leave all
remaining threads
of control.

I would
dive
into
the deep
blue waters
of death
of love
of knowing
what can
never be
understood
with beautiful words
like raindrops,
like dancing,
like hunger.

Visit Inner Radiance Blog again soon for helpful articles, tips on relationships, poetry, inspiration, and insight. Author Elizabeth Rightor, MA, MEd is a family therapist in private practice who specializes in working with couples and women suffering from anxiety. You can find more about her and her work at www.elizabethrightor.com.

Love Soft Like Silence

2009-09-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Love Soft Like Silence
by Elizabeth Anne Rightor

When the rooting is over
and springtime again
begins to take shape,
rivers become full again.

Hope springs
from the new green
that seemingly comes
out of nowhere.

Love is soft,
when it needs be,
and harsh when
teaching us
how to be, again,
how to lean into
the unknown--to find the gaze of another.

The spot where you
vanishes
and I vanish,
and we are left
to create something
new, something holy,
alive with wonder.

Love has its own
tenacity; it has
its own dream.
Sometimes, it sounds
much
like silence.

Visit Inner Radiance Blog again soon for helpful articles, tips on relationships, inspiration, and insight. Author Elizabeth Rightor, MA, MEd is a family therapist in private practice who specializes in working with couples and women suffering from anxiety. You can find more about her and her work at www.elizabethrightor.com.

The Beat of the Human Heart

2009-07-24T12:58:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been thinking about the beat of the human heart--when it races, when it is slow and steady. I have also been seeing more and more clients who are facing anxiety. This brought me back to a book that has been incredibly influential in my work as a therapist called A General Theory of Love.

In the book, the authors--three professors of psychiatry at UCSF--discuss neurobiology and the science behind love, bonding, and relationships. More importantly, the authors bring forward a concept called limbic resonance and how important having physical touch is, especially during early childhood development. Have you ever noticed how when you are next to someone who is calm, that soon your own breathing and heartbeat slows as well? This is a great example of limbic resonance.

If you are interested in learning more, Eric Fancis has written a thorough review of the book, where he talks about how therapy can help people re-establish connection patters with others by means of limbic resonance.

"Working with a good therapist, we are developing new limbic patterns; we are literally changing our brain structures, granted, in subtle but effective ways, and developing the capacity to feel. As part of this process, we begin to recognize that relationship experiences other than the ones we had as children and repeated (and reinforced) as adults are possible. We can then take these experiences into the world and relate to others, now that we both have the capacity to do so, and the sense that it’s even possible."

I highly recommend A General Theory of Love to anyone who participates in counseling or any form of alternative healing. It is full of information and will change the way you look at your relationships with your loved ones, family, and those close to you.

Below, I have included a poem I wrote about the beat of my own heart.

Blessings, Elizabeth

Stillness Inside (Rhodeden-drum)
by Elizabeth Anne Rightor

Rhododendron
Breaks through light
Out of the darkness
Loudly this fire breathes
Through me, moves through me
The sheer quiet when
The beat stops
All sounds emerge
From the stillness
Like flowers opening after
The rain
And then the drops come
Slowly at first
And then faster
And harder
And louder
Until they erupt back
Into stillness
Into quiet
Circling back into themselves
Into the space
Where words need not
Be spoken

Visit Inner Radiance Blog again soon for helpful articles, tips on relationships, inspiration, and insight. Author Elizabeth Rightor, MA, MEd is a family therapist in private practice who specializes in working with couples and women suffering from anxiety. You can find more about her and her work at www.elizabethrightor.com.

The Second Life of Trees

2009-07-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

If you take away
fear
there is only
orange light,
magnetic and warm
a second life
cloaking the trees
we know as home.
the softness of its quiet
holds me still.
my heart grows against
its edges
spacious, glowing.
this beauty knows
no escape from
the physical.
when such joy
cannot move
my eyes
water
such beauty, breaking me
open
from the inside.

Blessings as A Way of Being

2009-03-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I picked up a phenomenal book by one of my favorite authors, Irish poet and theologian John O’Donohue. The book, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, is filled with spiritual insight and offers blessings that can be used for ceremonies (“For a New Home”, “For Marriage”, “On The Death of the Beloved”) and also blessings for things we see, feel, and experience each day, such as “On Meeting a Stranger” and “For Light”.

“O’Donohue looks at life’s thresholds—getting married, having children, starting a new job—and offers invaluable guidelines for making the transition from a known, familiar world into a new, unmapped territory. Most profoundly, however, O’Donohue explains ‘blessing’ as a way of life, a lens through which the whole world is transformed.”

I can’t wait to read each poem and to savor the blessing each offers.

I started this morning with “On Waking”, before going for a beautiful walk as the sun emerged from behind the fog.

On Waking

I give thanks for arriving
Safely in a new dawn,
For the gift of eyes
To see the world,
The gift of mind
To feel at home
In my life.
The waves of possibility
Breaking on the shore of dawn,
The harvest of the past
That awaits my hunger,
And all the furtherings
This new day will bring.
~ John O’Donohue

(C)John O'Donohue. All rights reserved.
For more information on the work of John O'Donohue, please visit his Web site at http://www.johnodonohue.com, or to order books directly, visit http://www.johnodonohue.com/books/.

How can you bless what comes your way today? Can you bless the stranger on your path?

Can you bless the fire inside yourself, the silence you enjoy while having a cup of tea?

Can you bless the mystery of what the day has yet to offer?

Who Are You?

2009-03-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

Who I am

I am the sunlight dancing on water
I am the wind running through the trees
This is who I am

look inside
find the place
where for a moment
your breath stops
and
nothing but the beauty
of this one moment
unfolding

I am thankful for
This life
for children running and playing
for the feeling of cold water on my skin
for my teachers

I am thankful
for this life
I am falling
in love again
with myself

~ Elizabeth Anne Rightor
3.5.09

Healing from Within

2009-03-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I was lucky to attend the Healing from Within workshop put on by the Pujari Center. Two of Seattle's most renowned doctors in alternative health, Dr. Astrid Pujari, MD and Dr. Tanmeet Sethi, offered tips on using breath work, meditation, and journaling to access our inner wisdom.

I learned so much! It was inspiring to be around so many others who have seen firsthand the incredible benefits of looking within. Both Dr. Pujari and Dr. Sethi believe that pain, although specific in its presentation, is part of the universal human experience and can be something that is used for personal transformation.

I felt inspired hearing Dr. Pujari speak of the beauty of seeing the room overflowing with people--that something so difficult could unite so many in community. "You can't talk about healing without talking about pain," says Pujari. "The fact that something so dark could bring so much light is a miracle. It's a demonstration of hope, of beauty, of the power of light."

Pain is difficult. It is ugly. When we experience pain and discomfort, we think we are all alone--that no one could possibly understand what we are going through. But feelings of loneliness, of sadness, of fear, even feelings of rage touch all of our lives at one point or another.

We may ask ourselves questions that speak to our feelings of isolation.

"Why me?"
"What am I doing this for?"
"Why is this happening to me?"

Dr. Pujari and Sethi shared that in all their years of watching patients, family members, and loved ones going though pain, there were three simple things that helped people navigate through painful circumstances and move forward.

While it is not always possible to make pain go away, there is hope. These steps provide tools for entering into a different relationship with our pain.

Be aware of your pain--It takes courage to admit that we are hurt, that we don't have it together all the time. It requires honesty with self and vulnerability. Notice your pain. Where does it live in your body? In your spirit?
Be willing to explore your pain--Listen to your pain. Talk to it. Get to know it as you would get to know a dear friend. In our culture, we are taught to run away from our emotions, to run away from conflict, but this only results in disconnection from ourselves and others. Treat your emotions as friends, lovers, teachers, and beloved children. Be kind to them.
Be willing to allow love to flow into your pain--All pain is universal. The triggers may be different (the loss of a spouse or an illness such as Cancer), but the end result is the same. Allow love to move through you, to touch your pain, and listen to what it has to teach you.

I took away several tools that I can use with my clients. And, for myself personally, I learned some innovative and transformative tools, such as "Shaking Meditation" (to free all the areas that get stuck--emotionally, spiritually, and mentally) and a journaling process called "Dialogue with a Symptom."

At first, I found the symptom I chose to work with to be sarcastic and mean. But by the end of the conversation, his tone had changed. He offered warm, gentle advice like an old friend. He nudged me instead of yelling at me.

Maybe what changed was not the voice of my pain at all. Maybe what changed was my ability to hear my own inner wisdom.

What a beautiful gift!

What does your pain have to show you?

Move over reptilian brain, there's a new brain in town!

2009-03-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

Let’s start with an apology. I am sorry I haven’t written lately. I apologize to all of you and, most importantly, I apologize to myself. Writing makes me happy; writing keeps me healthy. It is how I move energy and process all of thoughts and emotions that get stored in my body from the work I do.

Put simply, writing helps me make sense of the world and my place in it.

Over the last few months, I have been struggling with some rather large health issues. While I don’t feel it’s appropriate to go into great detail here, I will say that my body has been rejecting anything and everything I have put into it.

After weeks of searching, working with an extremely gifted naturopath, getting blood work done (not once, but twice), and being advised by many wonderful energy healers, I realize there are no easy answers.

I admit I have felt scared by what has been happening, but I am now aware that I have been reacting with only a small and very old part of my brain; I have been seeing the world through what neuroscientists call the reptilian brain.

According to author, therapist, and NLP master Yvonne Oswald, relying on this part of the brain might have ensured the safety of our ancestors, but can no longer meet our current needs. The reptilian brain protects us when our lives are in danger, when we don’t have even a second to think. Put your hand next to a hot stove and this automatic brain function helps you to react quickly. In more dangerous situations, it can save your life.

However, living in this day and time while moving between states of “fight or flight” and merely trying to survive is like getting a job as a McDonald’s cashier when you have a PhD in astrophysics —it’s not taking advantage of the resources you have or the possibilities before you.

According to the Triune Brain Theory, two other parts of the brain—the limbic system and the neocortex—offer us the ability to operate in the world in more productive and fruitful ways.

The limbic system, also referred to as the “middle brain,” governs emotions (especially those other than fear and anger), parts of our personal identity, rules around social interaction, and communication. It helps us navigate our lives, because of the order it offers.

In her book, Every Word Has Power: Switch on Your Language and Turn on Your Life, Oswald calls the limbic system the “family brain,” because of its role in creating and sustaining social norms. While this part of the brain helps individuals live harmoniously with others through strong boundaries surrounding family, tribe, and community, its main drawback lies in the fact that it only allows the world to be viewed in black and white. Oswald summarizes the limbic system by saying, “Its goals are short-term and focus primarily on good/bad, right/wrong, and yours/mine. It’s habitual, hierarchical, and simplistic. It does not have a capacity to visualize or grow because it thinks in terms of polarities.”

How can we see beyond such polarities and make efforts toward self-actualization?

The answer lies in the last part of the triune brain, called the cerebral cortex or neocortex. The word neocortex comes from Latin, meaning “new bark”. It is the most recently developed part of the brain and is responsible for higher brain function, such as initiative, reason, and imagination. It is also what makes our love of art, literature, and philosophy possible.

Although this part of our brain governs speech, Oswald suggests that the language we use today fails to accurately reflect or capitalize on our potential as human beings. Many ideas and concepts became entrenched in language when we only saw two choices before us: good and bad. With tools such as NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and conscious language, we have the power for our language to be creative rather than merely descriptive.

Oswald asks readers to notice how their use of language affects their lives.

When you consciously weed out fear-based language and nonsupportive beliefs, you open yourself up to new possibilities. Oswald says:

This higher brain function is where your magic formula for happiness begins as you connect with the higher consciousness. Use of the higher brain produces consistent success in your everyday life. You can now plan your goals and visualize wonderful possibilities with this magical tool.

Rather than use the higher brain to rescue yourself when you feel less than happy, it’s time to utilize it and live in it by “spring cleaning” your language
…going beyond what you ever thought possible to achieve.

So, I am taking a page from Oswald’s book and paying attention to how I speak and think about my health.

I’m telling my reptilian brain to take a hike, letting go of long-held beliefs about my body, and sitting in silence more.

And, I’m writing again.

I can feel the possibilities unfolding…even before I can see them.

Giving and Receiving in Balance

2009-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

A colleague and friend of mine recently invited those she knows to follow her in giving 29 Gifts in 29 Days. I wanted to share the experiment with you, as it has been a topic that has been on my mind lately. I was deeply moved by Courtney's recent post on her Healing Nest Blog and by the possibilities such a project offers. Courtney asks each of us to reflect on the balance of giving and receiving in our lives:

"In your own life, do you find that you give in a way that makes you feel exhausted? Do you ever find yourself having a hard time receiving? Joining this project has made me much more aware of my relationship to giving in general. Are there times when I resent giving (and why)? When do I resist accepting someone's generosity (and why)? How do I care for myself when I give a great deal without listening to my own body's message to take a break? How do I feel when I give without expecting anything in return? When has giving given me great joy?"

You can read the entire post and find more information about how you can participate in the 29 Gifts in 29 Days project here. I invite you to take the challenge with me.

Mindfulness One Moment at a Time

2009-01-07T15:33:00.001-08:00

I went on a walk this morning and I was absolutely filled to the brink. For me, walking is meditation. Although I love going for walks with the dogs, there is something different when it is just me in the middle of nature. As I write this, I suppose it's not me at all; walking around Seward Park or through the forest, I feel connected to all that is. I feel inspired and energized.

Over the years, I've seen how powerful meditation can be. It's amazing what comes up when you take the time to stand still, even for a moment. I've also seen meditation take many forms--sitting in Zazen, breath work, or taking a day of silent meditation.

Having lived in Asia for many years, it's no wonder to me how Buddhist concepts and principles of mindfulness are found in so many healing modalities, especially therapy. I like that there are enough forms of meditation and approaches to meet various needs.

Meditation can work wonders. It is one of the best treatments for anxiety. It can also give power to visualization and help you access your intuition and guidance.

I've heard many people say that they can't meditate. But meditation does not have to mean sitting for long periods of time. According to the authors of Wildmind, "Meditation involves a principle of awareness that you can practice in every moment of your life."

You can stop in the middle of your day and listen to your breath. You can practice being aware of your thoughts as they come and go.

Do you meditate? If so, what works for you?

There are many wonderful resources for those looking to incorporate meditation into their lives. Many of these resources are free of charge, while others require small investments and come with high rewards: inspiration, a sense of calm, self-acceptance.

Meditation and Mindfulness Resources

Integrated Amrita Meditation Technique--Free weekend intensive and day-long trainings on meditation using a technique developed by Amma.
Walking Meditation--Wildmind offers information on walking meditation and daily tips for living mindfully.
"Wherever You Go There You Are"--Jon Kabat-Zinn has both a book and an audio CD that can help anyone incorporate mindfulness and meditation into their llives.
"Meditation for Beginners: How to Start a Meditation Practice"--This audio CD by Jack Kornfield is great for beginners and has tips you can start to use right away (available from Soundstrue.com).
"The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are"--Author Dan Seigal is considered an expert on mindfulness research and the field of interpersonal neurobiology. The Mindsight Institute offers a wealth of information on mindfulness and brain science.
Meditation Classes in Seattle--David Tucker offers free meditation classes in true Zen style.

Or, you could do what I do and go out for a walk.

Start Where You Are

2008-12-31T21:39:00.000-08:00

In the last week, I’ve heard a lot of talk about resolutions. Do you believe in them? Do they work? Personally, I don’t do well with resolutions, as there is an expectation that they fail.

I do make it a practice to regularly set intentions—and I don’t just do this at the New Year. I try to approach each day intentionally and set aside time at other occasions, like when I moved into a new office last month.

As this year winds to an end, I’m choosing not to go out on the town, and instead am having a quiet evening at home reflecting and planning.

It’s easy to get swept up in excitement for all that a new start offers us and quickly brush the past year from our minds. 2008 has been a monumental year for me. Stopping to think about what has transpired has given me new energy in terms of what I would like to manifest in the coming year.

How have you been moved? What successes would you like to celebrate? Who has been central to your journey?

Reflecting on the past year often gets us thinking about how we would like to change. Maybe we want to have more adventure in our lives, or be healthier, or believe we would be happier in a relationship—or happier in another relationship if the one we are in feels difficult.

I’d like to challenge you to think about your goals in a slightly different way. It’s ironic to say the least, but one of the key things about moving closer to your goals is to appreciate where you are.

Want to work on your weight? What do you love about your body now? Do you have a great smile, or love the way you feel in a certain pair of jeans?
Want to have more intimacy in your relationship? Instead of waiting for your partner to change, try to express the qualities you value. Want to be treated with more kindness? How can you inhabit that quality? How can you Be Kindness?
Want to experience more abundance in your business? Make a list of all the things you are grateful for.

The power you have is always in the present moment. So, start where you are.

Happy intention setting.

In Between Time

2008-12-19T15:22:00.000-08:00

As the new year approaches, I have been thinking about changes I want to make in 2009. It's a powerful time--a time of rebirth and growth. It's a time for reflection of how far we have come and where we would like to go. The months leading up to the end of 2008 have been filled with change for me personally. I sold the first house I ever owned, moved both my home and my office, and am still adjusting emotionally to these changes.

Amidst the chaos I felt last fall, I was asked to write an article on dealing with transitions by a friend and colleague who had just lost a loved one. I would like to share it with you here.

I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding
~John O'Donohue

Fall is my favorite season. I love the colors, the way the air feels fresh and clean. It's almost as if you can taste the possibility of things to come. This season has always been about transitions. Nature shows us with breath-taking beauty that change is the most poignant of paradoxes. It is both beneficial and unavoidable. Changing seasons remind us that we must find a way to release the old to make room for the new.

It is this in between time that offers us insight to our deepest, most sacred selves—when what we used to know is no longer true and what fills the space has yet to come into fruition. Transitions can be difficult, because they bridge the known and unknown. Times of transition can often bring feelings of emptiness and confusion, when questions remain unanswered.

We go through transitions both when we are building on our life's dreams and also for unexpected reasons. The loss of a loved one, the end of a long-term relationship, or the diagnosis of an illness may propel us quickly into a state of transition. What many people fail to realize is that periods of transition that are in line with our heart's longing can also be disorienting. Conceiving a child, starting a new business, getting engaged, or preparing for college-age sons and daughters to leave home may be bittersweet.

This period of transition, coupled with the current financial market has been challenging for many of us.

As Bernice Johnson Reagon says, "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're supposed to help you discover who you are." Whatever the reasons for transition, the following tips can help you navigate the transition smoothly and learn about yourself in the process.

Stay in the present moment as much as possible—Thinking about what could have been or trying to plan for what might happen in the future can drain you physically and emotionally. A good question to ask yourself is, "What do I need right now?" At first, you may come up with answers about next week, next month, or even tomorrow. It is helpful to focus on the present moment. You don't need to know all the steps along the journey. Just take the next best step.
Stay physically active and get grounded in your body—Nothing beats exercise for helping keep everything in perspective. Try a yoga class; go for a long walk; or take a bicycle ride. Physical activity helps us to feel alive and spurs creativity. Plus, by being physically engaged, you can clear some of the mental chatter of worry.
Choose to look for and focus on the positive—My mentor once told me, "Fear is a gross misuse of imagination." I try to remember this about fear when I'm faced with anxiety, imaging what could happen. When we contemplate the unknown, we are sometimes caught up in the fact that "anything can happen." Why not turn that idea around for your benefit? Yes, anything can happen, that includes things that are beyond comprehension, which are positive, things beyond your wildest dreams.
Set positive intentions—Think about what it will feel like when you are on the other side of this transition. Use all of your senses to feed into this picture of your life: smell, touch, sound, taste. What will it feel like in your body? Imagine being healthy and vibrant. Picture with great detail what your new job will be like or how it will feel to hold a new-born baby in your arms.
Let go of expectations—Be open to the outcome and appreciate the learning and growth the transition offers.
Trust that you are resilient and have the strength and resources you need—Have you ever heard we are never given more than we can handle? There is a Chinese proverb I've always admired, "You can only go halfway into the darkest forest; then you are coming out the other side." Trust that things will get better.
Understand that life has a rhythm of its own—As individuals, we are constantly evolving, becoming. Our transitions move us forward in life. According to Harrison Owen, four spiritual laws govern all of life: whoever comes are the right people; whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened; whenever it starts is the right time; and when it's over, it's over.
Breathe—In Loving What Is, Byron Katie talks about how breath is one of the most powerful mechanisms for healing. We can bring intentionality to our breath and let it soothe our minds and bodies. Even if you are not conscious of it, your breath flows naturally. Katie says it's not about our "doing the breathing," but instead about letting go. In that letting go, "we are breathed." Just as our breath works as it should, she suggests our lives do as well.
Reach out to family and friends—Making connection with those we care about and scheduling time for fun can help during challenging times. People who are witness to your life can help you stay grounded and optimistic.
Seek help—I love working with clients in transition, because my job is to mirror back to them their own brilliance and resources. Change can be scary; it helps to have someone to walk with through the waters of transition.
Look for resources that can inspire and uplift you—One of my favorites is Transitions: Prayers and Declarations for a Changing Life by Julia Cameron. It's filled with reflections and tidbits that can bring meaning when nothing seems to make much sense.

May you be at peace where you are and be carried by the surprise of your own unfolding.

(This article was reprinted from Biznik. If you are interested in hearing other tips on dealing with transitions, you can see the original article here: http://biznik.com/articles/moving-through-transitions-with-grace).