The Impact Blog

Five questions.

2009-09-29T16:59:13+00:00

Yes it’s true. My best ideas often come from clients. Here’s a great idea one client shared with me recently.

This particular client has a rather difficult boss. Her boss likes to find ways to assert his power with my client. He regularly calls her into his office to tell her what she has done wrong. He will cut her off and correct her in meetings. He has restricted her decision making power to the point where she has to ask his approval to “buy a pencil”. Fun eh?

What has she been doing all of this time? Well my client is no shrinking violet. She has been confronting him with her concerns. The situation has worsened.

When I talked to her last week she had a new strategy. She calls it “five questions”. Rather than reacting when he does something to upset her, she instead forces herself to ask him five questions and they have to be real questions. They cannot be questions like, “what the =#**#@ do you think you are doing?” The questions she asks are real questions—clarifying questions, like, “Help me understand what you mean when you say that…”

It’s a brilliant little technique. As she is thinking of five questions, she is not getting angry. When she asks the questions she disarms her boss as he thinks about his answer. They have better conversations.

My client may not stay in her current situation but while she is there, it will be a little less difficult for her.

My next challenge. Do I have the courage?

2009-09-23T14:12:43+00:00

I have started writing a book and truth be known, I am dabbling. I am running a business, enjoying my family and meeting my personal needs (hanging with friends and getting some exercise). I am walking the talk. I am balanced.

There is one hitch—writing a book is not something you dabble at. You write a little. You edit a lot. You write a little more. You edit a whole lot more. You look at what you wrote and you think,

“Is that it? All that time and that’s it?” I had no idea how much work it was.

That said, I am happy. I am enjoying writing and I want to write more.

I often tell my clients that careers are more like a set of stairs than a hill. You have periods of great growth and then periods of plateaus. I am perched right now on a plateau about to step up to a period of growth.

To really get growth, I need to scale back other things and just write. I need to take that step off the plateau and up that next riser.

Will I have the courage?

I did it five years ago and I will do it again. My next step up. I just have to figure out how.

K.I.S.S.

2009-09-16T12:45:24+00:00

Keep it short _______. Yes I know the saying is “Keep it simple ________.” (I’ll let you fill in the blank - we try and avoid that word in our house).

This is a short simple blog about feedback. Keep all feedback short and simple. Don’t drone on. Don’t make excuses. Don’t try to discuss the underlying issues. Long conversations too often result in a lack of clarity for the person recieving the feedback.

Here’s an example of good K.I.S.S.feedback:

“Yesterday I went to a client meeting. I did not have the document I had promised the client. The client was annoyed. I was forced to make excuses. I felt (and looked) unprofessional and disorganized. When you miss deadlines like you did yesterday, I lose face with the client, the firm risks losing the client and I lose confidence in you. If I don’t have confidence in you, I will be forced to give the work to someone else. If you are left without work, your job will be at risk. I don’t want that to happen so I am being straight with you. I’d like you to think about what I’ve said, come up with a response and a plan for yourself and get back to me with this by Monday. Will that work for you?”

Here’s the setting for the above conversation. You walk into the staff person’s office (or use a meeting room that is away from prying eyes). You deliver the speech above. You say nothing else and you leave the office or meeting room. It should take no more than 3 minutes.

I know it sounds harsh. It is not. It is fair. As a matter of fact, it is the most fair way to treat your staff. The staff person now owns the issue. The staff person is clear on the behaviour you are concerned about and the impact of that behaviour. The staff person can decide how to address the issue (or not). It is entirely up to them. You have done your job well.

Leave your watch at home.

2009-08-21T13:03:17+00:00

I was leaving for my annual three week vacation and Claire, an IMPACT coach, wished me a good holiday and asked rhetorically,

“I wonder if you will come back and be philosophical like you were last year?”

Well the answer is, “Yes.” I am sitting in the cottage feeling philosophical so I thought I would write about it.

We arrived at the cottage August 9th, I took my watch off and haven’t had it on since. There are clocks all around the cottage, a cool retro green one from the 40’s (my favourite), a clock that says “Victoria Station, c1747”, and the clock on the stove stuck permanently at 1:14. Not one of the clocks really works properly.

Each morning we get up with the sun. Our son always wakes first (he always has). The kids climb into our bed and we all look out the window at the trees and wait for the hummingbirds (there’s a feeder outside our window). After we see a hummingbird, we all get up and putter around making breakfast together. It takes all morning I am sure, but I honestly don’t know. The conversations are great—ranging from discussing “Hotel for Dogs” (latest kids movie) to the “big questions” on life like how many kids our kids are planning to have. Our six year old daughter is planning to have ten. Our son, not to be out done is planning eleven.You are probably thinking, “OK cute but what’s the point?”

Here’s the point, when you leave your watch at home, magical things happen. You accomplish nothing and you accomplish everything. The biggest thing that happens is that you relax and you have long wide ranging conversations. You connect at a deeper level and that connection builds relationships in a way that no timed agenda can.

As I look forward to my last week at the cottage, I realize what a gift it is not having a watch. I have learned so much about those I love without the pressure of time. When we leave next week, I will look for my watch under a pile of makeup and hair products that were also not used. I will also commit to retiring my watch on a regular basis throughout the year. No need to wait for the cottage.

p.s. Interesting blog I came across after writing the blog above. Steve Roseler and I were on exactly the same page at about the same time. He calls it “The Hummingbird Principle.” Check out his blog.

Creating a Coaching Culture - Part One

2009-06-12T12:17:00+00:00

It must be the economy. Every HR person I meet lately is interested in "creating a coaching culture". The way these HR people see it, a coaching culture will mean that everyone will coach more. They want to rely less on external coaches. Makes sense. Why pay someone for something when you can do it yourself? The nice thing about this economy is that everyone is doing more themselves.

I decided to write this blog in order to help my clients create that coaching culture.

This blog will be the first in a series.

Creating a coaching culture, like any culture change is complex and takes time. I'll start with "culture"-- what it means and how you change it.

What is the meaning of culture? Here is the wikipedia definition. "A culture is a set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution, organization or group." Organizational theorists borrow the term and concept of "culture" from anthropologists. Anthropologists use culture to describe the enduring cultures of groups of people (this includes everything from large ethnic groups to small subcultures.) For more detail see the extensive discussion in wikipedia.

When you think about the anthropological definition of culture, you start to see how hard it is to simply change culture. Typically culture is something that is developed over a long time period (thousands of years). Culture is entrenched through the cultural group's beliefs, values, language and systems. Anthropologists say cultures shift either very slowly or quickly due to major events (war) or inventions (world wide web).

Organizational cultures in business evolve over fewer years but can be equally entrenched. Language, beliefs, values and systems are also what drive and re-enforce organizational cultures.

How do you change organizational culture? If you start your change initiative with systems and language, the change will be slow (3-5 years). The change is often so slow that the organization is likely to change the systems again before any real cultural change occurs. Often in attempting to create organizational change most people start with language (to create a coaching culture this is usually in the form of coaching models and coaching training) and with systems (changing compensation and performance management). This a recipe for a large spend with little impact.

How do you get faster change? Jump on a "burning platform" or create one. John Kotter is probably the leading expert on organizational change. I have linked here to a video from Kotter explaining how change works. Kotter's change theory has eight steps. The first step is to establish a sense of urgency. In many organizational change initiatives this step is often cursory or skipped completely. People naturally move into changing systems and language. Which as I've said results in slow or very little change.

How do you create a burning platform for a coaching culture? You have to first examine why you want a coaching culture. Saving money is laudable but not sufficient. Coaching must be connected to your business strategy. It must make sense that you need a coaching culture. Not every environment does. If you are coaching, you should be coaching for a reason. I'll give you a few examples to illustrate.

We have a financial services client. They live and die on what they sell. Clearly a coaching culture for them must be connected to the business development process. Creating a coaching culture because coaching is an important thing to do won't fly for them. You start with teaching them how to coach on business development and client service. It will be in their best interest to help their staff on these issues. They will consequently learn to coach.

Now let's look at a manufacturing client of ours. This client has razor thin margins. Everything they do is about managing costs. For coaching to have any traction in this environment it has to help these managers keep their costs down. If you can get managers coaching first on cost containment, there is a chance that you can develop their coaching skills and that they will use these skills on more general coaching.

Finally let's look at an insurance company we work with. This insurance company's strategy is focused on great customer service. They have successfully created a coaching culture. They have done this because they coach in order to retain their staff and improve service. High turnover hurts client service immediately. Coaching is tightly connected to their strategy.

Here's my advice, if you want to create a coaching culture first develop your burning platform. Take a day or two off-site and brainstorm this. Then spend an adequate amount of time socializing the burning platform. Do not start with systems and language. If you really think about it in a practical sense creating a burning platform costs little -- it costs only your time as a leader.

The Sixty Percent Leader.

2009-05-25T15:32:00+00:00

I was inspired to write this blog by a meeting with one particular client but I have to say that I had similar conversations with many people all week. Funny how lots of people seem to be thinking the same things at the same time.

This client was frustrated with the shortcomings of one of the leaders in his organization and spent a good part of the meeting complaining about the mistakes this leader had made. Rightly so, the leader is not perfect.

But who is perfect and why do we expect our leaders to be perfect? I'd like to suggest that there are two reasons for our high expectations. One, management literature has done a disservice to all of us in setting up standards around the "perfect leader". We all look for a leader who is inspirational and personally attractive to us. We look for a leader who knows what to do in every situation.

Two, there may be an answer rooted in psychology. We put leaders on pedestals and then are disappointed when they don't measure up. Sound like any teenagers you know? Sometimes when I listen to clients it reminds of Eric Bern and his theory of Transactional Analysis. He says we can analyze our transactions and determine if we are in either Parent-Child or Adult-Adult relationships with our peers. Our disappointment with leaders is much more closely aligned with Parent-Child than it is with Adult-Adult. An angry child might say to a parent "You let me down. You didn't give me what I wanted." An Adult relationship would look more like "Help me understand why you decided to implement this decision." Adult relationships according to Bern are relationships where both parties learn from one another.

There are probably other reasons for this "leader on a pedestal" phenomena. However, if you follow this blog, you'll know that the "why" for me is less important than the "what are you going to do about it?"

Here is what my client is going to do about it. Every time he feels frustrated with the inadequacies of leaders, he is going to think the following, "Sixty percent is good enough." Why did we pick sixty percent? It reminds us both that people (and leaders) are not perfect. Eighty percent seems too close to perfect. It also reminds us that leadership of a large group of people is complex and constantly changing. I work with a large number of very smart people. Not even a very smart person knows the right thing to do in every situation.

Sound like my standards aren't high enough? Maybe, but last time I checked leading an organization is very complex and no one, not even a leader, is perfect.

Get Over It

2009-05-20T18:41:01+00:00

Last week I went to an emotional meeting at my kids' school. There were two groups of parents and two groups of teachers. Both sides were vested, both sides had valid but opposing opinions on a lingering issue, and everyone got more emotional as the evening wore on. Finally one of the parents stood up and said "get over it". It was the one comment that everyone needed to hear - no blame on either side, just get over it. The meeting progressed - we elected a new board, some decisions were made - we started to look ahead.

The evening reminded me of an article written by Marshall Goldsmith in 2008 called “The Best Leadership Advice I Ever Got”. In it, he talks about getting frustrated and bogged down by “stuff” you cannot change and turning into a complainer vs someone who moves forward. Leadership is not about pointing out everything that is wrong. That’s too easy. Leadership is about taking those imperfections and making things better.

So, instead of dwelling on the bad ... let’s just get over it.

http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/goldsmith/2008/09/the_best_leadership_advice_i_e.html?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a38:g26:r13:c0.049112:b22125272

Give.

2009-05-12T17:38:01+00:00

One of my clients sent the following comments to my most recent blog.

"Read your blog this morning about connecting with people – and I totally agree. I was at my networking meeting yesterday and we were discussing business development. One of our members brought a suggestion to the table, which I thought was so great. Instead of focusing your business development on selling yourself, focus it (particularly at this time given the tough economy) on helping others. Lending some free advice, listening to people’s issues and offering suggestions without any expectations of immediate work – I think this will pay off big in the long run."

I couldn't say it better myself. I am a big fan of free advice. Of course eventually you'll need to get paid but before you do, you should plan to be helpful. How else will people know if you are good? So, don't worry about what you are going to get from meetings. Think about what you can give. The more you give, the better you'll feel and the more your network will appreciate you and refer you to others. Nothing wrong with that.

The Best Coping Strategy. Bar None.

2009-05-07T19:37:00+00:00

I am sitting on a conference call with a team of people. We are discussing dealing with stress. There are lots of ideas. Some people are exercising. Some have taken some time off. Some are diving into work. All of these ideas are good ones.

In my opinion, the single most effective coping strategy is to get out and connect personally with people. What do I mean by this? I mean calling people whom you like and yet haven't spoken to in a while. I mean getting out and meeting new people. I mean spending even more time with people you see often.

Why is this the best way to cope? Just being with people often makes you feel better. Talking to people about what is bothering you in a positive way can really help you work through change. Merely the act of talking releases stress. As you speak of what is bothering you, you feel that "thing" become smaller. In your head, it feels big. As you discuss it, it shrinks.

Talking to others also causes others to feel closer to you. When you open up about something that you care about it shows vulnerability and shows that you are "human". This causes people to feel more connected to you. It is human nature to want to be part of a community. As others feel more connected to you, you feel safer and more comfortable and so do they. That connection is exponential. So be honest and have enough courage to share what is really bothering you. Just do it in a professional way.

If you can't bring yourself to exercise, that's OK. At the very least, take someone for coffee or even better, take someone for a walk.

“Sorry seems to be the hardest word. ”

2009-04-27T14:06:00+00:00

Yes, I have quoted Elton John. This song title was so appropriate to this blog I couldn't resist. Sorry to all of those who aren't fans. Did I say "sorry"? Yes sorry. Do you like that word "sorry"? Do you say it at home? Do you say it at work? Do you make your kids say it? "Say sorry for hitting your sister." Is anyone happy after that?

Here's my opinion on saying "sorry" at work. If you work in a large organization, like it or not, you have to manage your reputation. Because of this, I always tell my clients to say "sorry" very rarely. "Sorry" doesn't fix anything and at work it can signal weakness. You are better to fix the problem and drive-on in most instances.

However, sometimes saying "sorry" is the only option. You screwed up, you can't fix it, you say "sorry". If you are going to say sorry, say it well. You say sorry well by saying it unconditionally (even if the other person also screwed up) and that takes strength. I have a story on this.

One of my clients (let's call him Jack) recently made his boss look bad in a conversation with a person who was very senior in his organization (more senior than Jack's boss). Jack shared some negative feedback on his boss with this very senior person. In a conversation with this senior person, Jack suggested that his boss was out to make him (Jack) look bad. The senior person then called the boss. The boss called Jack. Jack called me. Here's what I said to Jack, "Say sorry and say it unconditionally."

Saying "sorry" was hard for Jack. The boss is most likely out to make Jack look bad. Jack has had a lot of problems with this boss.

How did the conversation go? Jack said "sorry" and only "'sorry". He didn't say, but "you pushed me there because of your actions". He didn't make any excuses. Jack recognized that no matter how badly he had been treated, he was wrong to bad mouth his boss. That took strength. The meeting was short and effective. Both Jack and his boss moved on. The relationship is a tiny bit better. Jack has learned something - if you are wrong and can't fix it, say sorry and say it well.