I'm Right, Everyone Else is Wrong

Time to give up on Toyota for good

2010-02-24T13:31:00.000-08:00

You've probably all been waiting for me to write this. Well. You're in luck, because I'm finally doing it.

Many of things I write on this outlet are nationalistic, and for people like me who believe unconditionally that this country and its citizens deserve the best lives possible simply because we are the best, this Toyota meltdown is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Now don't get me wrong here, because you and I both know that Toyota makes an excellent product, and has done so for nearly 20 years. Its Lexus brand is one of the most foolproof purchases that anyone could make. This company has slowly and surely taken over America and a good portion of younger baby boomers/Gen X'ers.

These people are about 30-55, have decent incomes, and bought their first Toyota in the late 80s or early 90s. These same people also buy Hondas.

Their first Corolla or Accord or Camry was a great car. It lasted a long time, it had few problems, and when it came time to get a new one in '96 or '97, they renewed their pact with Toyota or Honda. Can you blame them? Not really.

Back when they were buying their first Toyota in 1993, let's look at the American options.

Please feel free to take a picture of yourself while you make disgusted faces as you imagine these models:

Chevy Corsica
Chevy Beretta
Chevy Cavalier
Chevy Lumina
Geo Prism
Geo Metro
Oldsmobile Achieva
Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme
Ford Tempo
Ford Topaz
Ford Festiva
Ford Taurus
Dodge Spirit

And the list goes on and on, and friggin on. Just complete garbage. Utter worthlessness.

And that is how Toyota took over America. They simply made a better product than us for nearly 20 years (with the exception of trucks, SUVs, and musclecars). Owner recidivism among Toyota and Honda owners is the highest in the world, another reason why The Big Three has had difficulty getting repeat Toyota offenders to actually give their new products a fair shake. Despite enormous strides by GM (and Ford especially) in the last 3 years, Gen X'ers have refused to budge off their Japanese high horses and support American companies and American workers. In the '90s, I couldn't blame them. Now I can, because Toyota's rapid expansion in the last 10 years has now created some of the demons that the American companies have had to overcome.

If you were to poll a number of Americans on the following question, I believe their answer would be yes:

If a car made by an American company was equally dependable, priced, and desireable to that of a Japanese one, would you choose that vehicle over the foreign one?

If they were to say no, well, let's just excommunicate and deport them, because they are simply part of the problem. Back to the argument though...

Toyota has simply developed the same out of control "hugeness" that companies like GM developed. There are simply too many cars being made in too many places. The demand for vehicles like the Prius, Camry and Corolla as well as constant market pressure from Honda, has forced Toyota to bite off more than they can chew (obviously).

In fact, it is thought that they expanded operations and production so quickly that they simply couldn't do it alone, forcing the outsourcing of a number of parts and processes to inept Chinese companies. This is in addition to the fact that they rushed through testing and design of a number of things.

What it all comes down to is hubris.

It's the same thing The Big Three felt. It's the feeling of "we can do no wrong". It's the feeling of "people will always buy our product no matter what we do."

Well, in this changing economic landscape, people are making safer moves with their large purchases. The educated consumer won't buy things anymore just because you made it and slapped that weird looking firefly "T" on the hood.

If you need more reasons not to buy a Toyota, here are some more:

-- Two of their most popular vehicles the Prius and Corolla have put your life in danger

-- Countless other models could take off on you, including a nearly 6,000 lb V8 Toyota Tundra truck

-- We're not talking about one problem here. We're talking about gas pedals getting stuck on most of their cars, brakes failing on 2010 Priuses, and the steering on Corollas becoming a danger to its passengers.

That is three things on all different kinds of models. Quality control and design issues are widespread.

-- They refused to acknowledge the problem. They swept it under the rug. They lied to you. Finally, they begrudgingly recalled the cars with the gas pedal problems, but continued lying about the Prius's brake problems and refused to admit the Corolla's steering issues.

This isn't supposed to be a sleazy fly-by-night organization, but they're sure acting like it.

This final reason should make you sick to your stomach, and you should never consider buying one of these vehicles again as a result.

In Fremont, California, Toyota has been manufacturing vehicles at the Nummi plant since 1984. This state of the art factory has been one of the most efficient, productive, and problem-free facilities in the country. It is completely up-to-date, and can easily be revamped to produce nearly any model.

An intriguing aspect of this plant is that it a joint operation between GM and Toyota, bitter rivals, who somehow found a way to coexist for 25 years. Most recently the models produced at the Nummi plant were the Corolla, Tacoma, Matrix, and Pontiac Vibe.

In August of '09, GM was forced to commit infanticide, and killed its own child, Pontiac. Therefore, GM withdrew from the plant.

Shortly thereafter, Toyota announced that it didn't give a damn about American workers and the fact that 3 of their best-selling models were produced to exact specifications there.

In April of 2010, despite desperate pleas from all around the state, Toyota will put 4,700 Californians out of work and shut down the Nummi plant for good. The ramifications of this plant closure will in effect put closer to 6 or 7,000 people out of work, because of the myriad of supporting businesses that have done business with the plant. That's everyone from the guy working at the Quizno's counter down the street to the night security guards.

Toyota can't blame this on GM. They only made one car there, and it was based on the Matrix. I get that it is more expensive to build cars in California than in some godforsaken hellhole in Southeast Asia, but lower shipping costs must offset some of that. In addition, they could make the Prius in Fremont instead of Japan, market it truly as "California's Car", so that the liberals buying them could point at their hybrid-instect car being made in California and feel even more self-righteous than they did before.

Any of you who haven't been to California would be shocked at the amount of Priuses out here. THEY. ARE. EVERYWHERE. This state is truly the Prius's biggest market, and it would be a boon to both Toyota and California's effed up, 12% unemployment rated economy.

Of course The Big Three has shut down their share of plants recently, but it's only because they absolutely had to. They got too big, they had too much going on, and they lost their ability to control the quality of manufacturing.

Does that sound familiar?

It's time to give up on Toyota for good. It's simply the wrong automaker for America, and the wrong car for your garage. Buy American.

The Challenges Facing Argentina's Cattle Industry

2009-12-17T00:58:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, you'll need about 10 minutes to get through this one. I just turned this in for a final paper so I don't know what grade I've gotten, but it's pretty good. There's a lot of history in here, so get ready to learn. There was an introductory essay that goes along with it, but it's not as important, so I'm leaving it out. What? You expected some Tiger Woods stuff? Eh, maybe later.
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Part one of this two part essay introduced cattle ranching and beef production in the South American country of Argentina. A very unique nation, Argentina’s large size, varied geography, economic potential and its melting pot culture make it one South America’s few leaders on the global stage. Despite its share of operational shortcomings and history of crises—both economic and political—Argentina has managed to remain an intriguing case study in a number of subjects. More specifically, Argentina’s beef industry and its ties to the culture (both current and past), make it a remarkable backbone and source of pride for this nation. It is truly a way of life, as Argentines consume nearly 160 pounds of beef per capita annually—the highest rate in the world.

Of course, like most Latin American and Caribbean countries, Argentina has its fair share of challenges. Political upheaval, monetary inflation, and difficulty in the commercial sector are nothing new. Through it all, the one true constant of Argentina has been cattle ranching and beef production, although today, even this steadfast industry is facing its own challenges. Global economic conditions, governmental tax impositions, and drought have led to decreased beef production and financial hardship to many ranchers and related industries. With so much adversity, the industry is struggling as a whole and there are a myriad of causes to be explored. In order to fully grasp the policies and struggles of today’s Argentina, one must understand the complex events of yesterday.

Early History

Prior to Spanish explorers arriving in 1516, Argentina was generally unsettled and lightly ruled. Although the Incan empire once claimed parts of Northern Argentina and indigenous herders and nomads roamed part of Patagonia, it was sparsely populated with no developed centers. The Spaniards established the first permanent settlement (Buenos Aires) in 1580. At that time, the Argentine territory was annexed as part of the Spanish colony of Peru (The “Viceroyalty”), which had been settled prior to Buenos Aires. Areas outside of Buenos Aires supported only small numbers of indigenous people and nomadic rough and tumble herders later called Gauchos. The main settlement of Buenos Aires was then populated by Spanish expatriates in addition to a number of African-descended slaves.

Beginning a long tradition of sparring with Great Britain, the Argentines managed to stave off two attacks by English forces at the turn of the 19th century. Britain, long at odds with France (which was allied with Spain at the time), attempted to overwhelm and usurp the fertile, promising lands of what is now Buenos Aires and Montevideo, Uruguay. In 1806, the British sent a small unit of 1,500 soldiers to capture Buenos Aires. Despite a small standing Colonial army, the Spanish viceroy managed to recruit a modest militia of Spanish and local Argentines. This ragtag band of settlers and indigenous peoples drove the British out for nearly a year.

The following year, in 1807, after seizing the would-be capital of Montevideo, Uruguay, a platoon of approximately 8,000 British soldiers marched south toward Buenos Aires. A confident and dogged militia met the British army with fierce resistance on the streets of Buenos Aires and repelled the well-equipped Brits. This was extremely similar to the American Revolution some thirty years earlier. The defense of the settlement led to a unified population, which only gained strength through the following years. The newfound cohesion of the populace, coupled with the fact that the Spanish Viceroyalty only allowed trade with Spain, led to the May Revolution in 1810 as well as the Argentine declaration of independence in 1816 (Nouzeilles & Montaldo). Power was assumed by the Junta Primera, ironically the first of several authoritarian or military regimes.

Following the Argentine declaration of independence from Spain, and other subsequent events that helped define the scope of this young nation, the first of several authoritarian regimes took hold—the regime of Juan Manuel de Rosas. De Rosas and his Federalists (Federales) took power in 1829, in a victory over the Unitarians (Unitarios). The Unitarians sought to centralize power over all the provinces in Buenos Aires, while the Federalists gave a broader scope of power to the provinces—preferring to run the country as a loose confederation (Nouzeilles & Montaldo). The schism between the two groups was both cultural and geographic. Unitarios were more learned and of the urban elite centered in Buenos Aires. Conversely, Federalists were from rural, undeveloped areas and a bit rough around the edges, so to speak. Naturally this led to a period of mistrust and fear. De Rosas ruled with an iron fist over the near quarter-century he was in power. This period was known as “The Terror”. De Rosas’s consolidation of power in conjunction with his fear of losing power to the Unitarios led him to imprison and torture political dissidents. Small roving militias named Mazorcas roamed the streets after dark in Buenos Aires, killing people with knives and spreading a deep fear amongst non-Federalists.

Following de Rosas’s overthrow and the drafting of a Constitution, the golden years of early Argentina began to develop and unfold. A successful defense of the homeland against an ill-advised onslaught by Paraguay helped unify the population that had so recently been living under a maniacal regime. Beginning in the 1870s European investment , in addition to massive immigration took place, creating a hopeful new land of new faces and potential (Lewis, D.) .
Late 19th Century to Present Day

Throughout the next 20 years, Argentina’s modernizing economy led by a strong export-led agricultural sector, transformed it from a divided young nation, into the tenth richest economy in the world. Hundreds of thousands of Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, German, and other assorted Europeans flocked to this new land of opportunity, just as they did to the United States. Ornate models of French and Italian architecture lined the plazas of Buenos Aires, and the city began its reign as the “Paris of the South”

After recovering from the globally-felt effects of The Great Depression and its first military coup in 1930 by conservatives, General Juan Peron was elected in 1946. The Populist policies of Peron and his wife Evita, led to the establishment of many workers unions, urban development and a number of government programs. Despite these positives, Peron’s isolationist policies and stranglehold over the media resulted in severe inflation of the national currency and directly led to the loss of significant amounts foreign investment capital (Lewis, P.).

Following a political tug of war that saw Peron swept back into office after 15 years in exile, the country was overtaken by a violent military coup in 1976—two years after Peron had passed away and left his unprepared third wife in power. This period from 1976 to 1983 was one of the bloodiest and oppressive campaigns the Americas have ever seen. Despite some economic progress made through public works programs, this heavy-handed right-wing military regime did more harm than good. Tens of thousands of dissidents and liberals were “disappeared”, while thousands more were imprisoned during the bleakest time of Argentina’s history. This period of time during the Proceso regime is known as “The Dirty War” (Anderson). In addition, short-sighted economic policies helped to create massive foreign debt, and standards of living decreased for most of the country (Lewis, P.).

After a short war with the British resulting from the unsuccessful takeover of The Falkland Islands (Las Islas Malvinas to the Argentines), the brutal Proceso dictatorship was deposed in 1983. The poor economic conditions left behind by this regime led to massive inflation and huge foreign debt (Lewis, D.).
Privatization of many industries and a new dollar-pegged peso helped President Carlos Menem settle the economy down, but due to the artificial nature of the currency’s value, the economy went south once again in 1999 as inflation ran amok. The unpopular and defiant Menem left office shortly thereafter (Lewis, P.; Anderson, L.).

Immediately following Menem’s presidency, the newly elected Fernando de la Rua was in an unenviable position. With massive deficits and the loss of investment capital, drastic measures were taken, such as the freezing of all savings and checking accounts across the country, basically preventing the middle class from accessing any of their savings, while the banks declared insolvency. This literally destroyed the savings and pensions of five million middle class Argentines. The economy went into a free-fall, lowering GDP growth to a -15%. This led to 25% unemployment.
Much of the crisis could be attributed to the artificial peso-dollar valuation put into place by Menem and his economic “czar” Cavallo in the 1990s. In comparison to other countries in Latin America, Argentina’s goods were too expensive because the country was basically dealing in American dollars. As a result, foreign markets shrank. In 2001, foreign debt service reached 50% of Argentina’s gross domestic product, and it owed nearly $30 billion dollars in debt payments in 2002. The country had no choice but to default on its many foreign loans, and a period of further economic crisis and civil unrest occurred—both in the government and in the streets.

Civil strife resulted in one of the most bizarre presidential sequences in the history of democracy. After de la Rua’s resignation, three different presidents were sworn in within 10 days, with a fourth, Nestor Kirchner being elected in 2003, at which time the economy had somewhat stabilized. After paying off debts to the International Monetary Fund and nationalizing some industries (such as utilities), Kirchner left office in 2007 in favor of his wife, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner (Petras).

Agricultural upheaval and current economic policy

The two Kirchners' center-left governance policies helped stabilize positive growth within Argentina since 2003. However, high export taxes on agricultural products like soybeans, and for this paper’s ultimate purpose, beef, have led to massive protests by ranchers, farmers, and agricultural/livestock processors alike.
In 2006, with internal beef prices rising due to a number of factors, Kirchner banned the export of all beef for 180 days. This led to severe blockades and demonstrations by ranchers, essentially crippling the food supply of the country. Kirchner later backed off the outright ban, but instead instituted an export quota, lowering production nearly 40%. In 2008, Kirchner attempted to levy a 35% export tax on soybeans, one of Argentina’s chief agricultural exports. Predictably, farmers rioted and led a months-long strike. At stake for the government was 10% of all tax revenue, which it was receiving for the 35% soybean export tax. Despite encouragement from economic advisers, Kirchner rejected proposals to cut spending on infrastructure and to levy fewer export taxes on agricultural products. Debt payments, the global economic crisis, compounded by Kirchner’s populist social spending programs, have put both the government and the agricultural sector in no win situations.

Drought and the cattle crisis

As discussed part one of this two part essay, the fertile grasslands north and west of the capital region of Buenos Aires are called The Pampas. It is there that most agricultural production takes place. Typical climate for summers in the Pampas (December through March) are warm and humid. Average temperatures during the day range from 75 degrees Fahrenheit to about 90. During the winter (summer in the Northern Hemisphere), it cools off to generally between 45 to 60 degrees during the day. This climate and geography are similar to that of the American regions of California’s Central Valley, North Texas and Oklahoma as well as the veldts of South Africa and parts of Eurasian steppes.

This semi-arid, temperate region covers approximately 290,000 square miles, most of which lie within the North-Central part of Argentina. Its mild climate produces an annually evenly-distributed mean precipitation of approximately 24 to 47 inches of rainfall per year. Because there are no distinct rainy or dry seasons, edible grass and other flora thrive in this region— creating a perfect locale for livestock grazing and crop cultivation.

For nearly 200 years worth of ranching, this has been the climate—something totally ideal for the cultivation of large herds of cattle. Unfortunately, the country, and more specifically the Pampas region has been mired in a terrible drought; the worst in 50 years. To put this in perspective, in the time period from November 1, 2008 through January 24, 2009, most of the Pampas region received only four to seven inches of rain. During that time period, monthly rainfall totals should equal an average of five inches. With that said, from November 1 to January 24, the Pampas received somewhere between 30% and 50% of normal rainfall; clearly not enough.

The current drought is being described as being caused by La Nina, the dryer, cooler sister of the El Nino phenomenon that generally produces more rainfall than normal. According to the National Weather Service, “During La Niña, temperatures average two to six degrees (F) below normal between the date line and the west coast of South America. This large region of below-average temperatures coincides with the area of well below-average tropical rainfall. For both El Niño and La Niña, the tropical rainfall, wind, and air pressure patterns over the equatorial Pacific Ocean are most strongly linked to the underlying sea-surface temperatures, and vice versa.” At this point of mid-December, 2009, it is unknown as to whether the drought is over, as Argentina is just entering summer and the beginning of its rainiest time of year.

There is no overwhelming or specific evidence thus far that the current drought is caused by any kind of climate change. This region has gone through previous heavy droughts, specifically in 1962, 1985-86, and 1995. A 2005 study published in the Meteorology and Atmospheric Physics Journal reveals the same tale of the tape. According to the authors, the aforementioned past “…rainfall deficits (droughts) were concurrent with the strengthening of the sub-tropical anticyclone in the eastern Pacific, abnormally high pressure in Central and Northern Argentina, and the development of a cyclonic anomaly in the southwest Atlantic which coincides with colder ocean surface temperatures.”

The current crisis is simply the perfect storm of negative factors. As mentioned in part one of this essay, to raise a herd of cattle, one must have a large amount of land with adequate water supplies. The average cow, depending on gender, size, and stage of life, drinks between 4 and 20 gallons of water each day. The smaller the cow and the cooler the ambient temperature, the less water intake is required. Larger animals that have reached maturity, obviously consume the most water during warm weather. In addition, cows that are nursing or pregnant, consume about 25% more water per day than non-nursing females and about the same as full grown bulls. To put this into a real world example, if a rancher has a herd of 100 cows, and they drink an average of 10 gallons of water per day, the resulting total is 1,000 gallons—a staggering amount when faced with the competition of millions of other cows, corn, and soybean crops in the same region.

As many ranchers typically “repopulate” their herds— the process of stocking next year’s herd with the calves of the current year—they are facing particular difficulty right now. With rivers slowed down to a trickle and the parched land unable to provide the necessary grass feed, ranchers are facing tough choices. The Argentine gaucho has traditionally sustained a large amount of their business through the cycles that its own herd goes through in a free-range grazing situation.

Many cows that are capable of producing four to five calves over their lifespan may be birthing one—or none at all due to a lack of food and water. The rancher then has two options: forsake the traditional ranching method in favor of a densely packed, expensive feedlot stocked with corn or tomatoes, or send his valuable cows to slaughter before he extracts maximum value out of them. Choice number one results in zero profits or a net loss, and choice number two results in the same outcome due to the fact that the rancher must then purchase more cows at auction to keep his herd going.

It is truly an unenviable position for the country of Argentina and its proud, yet struggling agricultural sector. With global financial markets beginning to stabilize and the beginning of the rainy season, perhaps the worst is over. However, current internal economic and political policies could choke the life out of the Argentine beef industry just by attempting to keep itself afloat amid deficit spending and a weak currency. As many ranchers have been forced to switch from cattle herds to corn, soybeans, and other cereals, this beef-loving country could be on the verge of importing beef from Uruguay for the first time ever. As one Argentine rancher put it, “That would be a day I never thought I’d ever see.” (BBC News).

Sources:

--Nouzeilles & Montaldo,The Argentina Reader: History, Culture, Politics. Durham: Duke University Press, 2002.
--Lewis,Daniel K.. The History of Argentina. Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 2001.
--Anderson, Leslie. "Of Wild and Cultivated Politics: Conflict and Democracy in Argentina International Journal of Politics, Culture, and Society 16. 1 (2002), 99-132, http://www.jstor.org/stable/20020149. (accessed December 15, 2009).
--Johns, Michael. "Industrial Capital and Economic Development in Turn of the Century Argentina Economic Geography 68. 2 (1992), 188-204, http://www.jstor.org/stable/144201. (accessed December 13, 2009).
--Lewis, Paul. The Crisis of Argentine Capitalism. Chapel Hill, NC: Univ. of North Carolina Press, 1990.
--Petras, James. "18 Months of Popular StruggleEconomic and Political Weekly 38. 23 (2003), 2255-2260, http://www.jstor.org/stable/4413652. (accessed December 14, 2009).
--Geethanjali, Nataraj. "Argentina's Crisis: Causes & ConsequencesEconomic and Political Weekly 38. 17 (2003), 1641-1644, http://www.jstor.org/stable/4413486. (accessed December 14, 2009).
--Moffett, Matt. "WSJ.com - Argentina Faces Strike by Farmers." Feb. 20, 2009.http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123509349202128901.html (accessed 12/1/2009).
--Oxford Analytical, Forbes Online. "Policy Conflicts Loom Large for Argentina." 4/28/2008.http://www.forbes.com/2008/04/25/argentina-cabinet-resignation-cx_0428oxford.html (accessed 12/14/2009).
--Greenstein, Dan. "Argentina Drought Likely to Spike Soybean Prices." 2/18/2009.http://weather.fox.com/Community/Blogs/StormExchange/2009/2/18/Argentina_Drought_Likely_to_Spike_Soybean_Prices (accessed 12/15/2009).
--NWS-NOAA, "Climate Prediction Center." 2005.http://www.cpc.noaa.gov/products/analysis_monitoring/ensocycle/ensocycle.shtml (accessed 12/15/2009).
--Barrucand, M.G.. "Dry conditions over Argentina and the related monthly circulation patternsMeteorogy and Atmospheric Physics (2005), 1-16, http://www.springerlink.com/content/v143711735820t10/. (accessed December 14, 2009).
--Gadberry, Ph.D, Shane. "Water For Beef CattleUniveristy of Arkansas Division of Agriculture (2006), 1-4, http://www.uaex.edu. (accessed December 15, 2009).
--BBC News, "Drought Sucks Life From Argentina's Farms." Feb. 23, 2009.http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7905357.stm (accessed 12/14/2009).
--Agriculture and Livestock, "State of Knowledge Report on Andean Ecosystems-- The Southern Andes and Sierras Pampeanas Mountain Research & Development 4. 2 (1984), 151-162, http://www.jstor.org/stable/3673108. (accessed December 17, 2009).

Epic Rant

2009-10-28T21:57:00.001-07:00

I haven't done one of these in awhile, but I've been writing them down as they've come to me... this one is a few weeks in the making.

-- Why the hell is downtown Miami always under construction? No matter what year it is, or what show or movie you're watching, there are like 4 goddamn cranes doing things in the skyline. Seriously.
Burn Notice, Scarface, Dexter, CSI Miami, Bad Boys 1&2... even in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, the friggin video game. Every single goddamn one of them has a shot of the skyline with multiple cranes sticking up. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This has been going on for 30 years!

-- I'm so sick to death of phone numbers on TV. The whole "555" prefix is so obnoxious. I wish whoever decided this long ago would've reserved a couple more. Like why can't we have 555, 991, and 880 as movie and TV show phone number prefixes? They dropped the ball on that one.

-- How so many in this country could be without jobs, while Tim McCarver keeps his is UNBELIEVABLE.

-- On that note, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver have called every World Series since 1996! That's 12 years! Can you believe we've had to put up with this drivel this long?

Here's a brief list of Tim McCarver quotes:

"If you leadoff and you play every day, you're guaranteed to bat with the bases empty at least 162 times."

"Derek Lowe is the dominant groundball pitcher in baseball. How dominating? The most."

"On most teams the set up man has become more valuable, on others not so valuable."

This is torture! FOX! PLEASE!

-- Why does all new rap music sound like the beats are slowed down techno songs?

-- Why does so much country music sound like late '80s and early '90s pop music?

-- If a person has no money in their bank account, how do you expect them to pay a $35 overdraft fee?

-- I've determined that all bands named after a city or state are awesome (with the exception of Berlin): Alabama, Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America

-- Of course, bands named after continents are suspect at best: Asia, Europe

-- I can't believe that we can pay bills from our phone but we still have to find and put coins in parking meters. Nightmare.

-- Why don't airlines start selling "All you can drink" fares with a limit to 2 per hour? Charge an extra $60 bucks a ticket and give them double the frequent flier miles.

-- Yes, I realize that on a 5 and a half hour flight from Atlanta to San Francisco, someone could drink almost 12 drinks. Who are you kidding? The people who drink that much have already gotten onto the plane 3 or 4 drinks in to begin with. It's a necessity.

-- Anyone think that the new Bank of America ATM's are worse than making transactions with a human being? It's supposed to be convenient to not use envelopes to make deposits. Oh yeah? Today, it took me 5 minutes to deposit one check. Why?

It rejected it the first time, then after it accepted it, it couldn't read the amount it was for, then after typing in the amount that it supposedly should be able to read, it asked me if it was correct.

OF COURSE IT'S CORRECT. I JUST TYPED IT IN.

Then it processed the transaction for 10 seconds, asked me if I was done making deposits, then PROCESSED THE TRANSACTION AGAIN for another 10 seconds. Finally, it took another 30 seconds to get my card back.

Real effing convenient B of A.

-- Why do these friggin prescription drug commercials need to state the obvious?

"Tell your doctor if you're pregnant, nursing, have kidney or liver problems, have had a heart attack, diabetes, or lung cancer."

Maybe I missed something, but WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A DOCTOR PRESCRIBES CIALIS OR FLOMAX OR VALTREX WITHOUT READING YOUR GODDAMN MEDICAL HISTORY?"

This is procedure. They won't prescribe you anything unless they know it's not going to kill you. The medical malpractice suits are too scary to risk anything.

So why on earth does the commercial need to tell us that? For that matter, why are there even drug commercials on TV?

-- I'm not sure when Halloween turned into chicks dressing like call girls, but I like it.

-- I see multiple Smart Cars every day. I give them the Joaquin Phoenix/Gladiator wavering thumbs down every time I see them. Any man (or woman for that matter) who sacrifices their dignity and safety to be able to park in small parking spots deserves to be mocked in public.

You'd rather have a 3 cylinder, 70 horsepower tuna can that gets OK gas mileage than a Mini Cooper or even a goddamn Prius? You suck at life and I need to make sure you know it.

-- I am outing Tim McGraw right now as an Obama supporter. I read it in Men's Journal at the gymnasium. You've failed me Tim.

-- NBC is the most incompetent network in history. It's only decent shows are Heroes, Sunday Night Football, and Law & Order SVU. They stupidly ave Conan O'Brien Leno's spot and then moved Leno to 10pm. Are they retarded? They single handedly killed ratings on both those shows.

Then they overspent on the production of Trauma, which had promise, but was cancelled due to its unwatchable characters. Seriously. I hated every single one of those people except for Rabbit. If you don't like the characters in a show, you're not going to watch it.

Also, they were too stupid to restart Las Vegas after the writer's strike. That show could have had a 10-12 year run. It never got old. Even after James Caan left and Tom Selleck took over.

RETARDED!

-- So I saw my friend's GQ magazine with the extremely hot Olivia Wilde on the cover sitting on the coffee table. Not being as familiar with GQ as I am with ESPN or Maxim, I thought there would be a sweet spread of pictures. There were a couple, along with a good article, but what really got me is...

This is supposed to be a straight guy's magazine, right? Well why then, does this magazine have 175 pages solely containing pictures of gay men in various states of undress? Seriously. Being a sharp dresser is one thing, but this "magazine" is not for regular guys. Shocking, really.

-- Enough Brett Favre and Alex Rodriguez already!

-- I was Al Davis last Halloween. Great, I know. But, you could seriously be a member of the Raiders organization every year for Halloween and it would not get old. Tom Cable? JaMarcus Russell? Anyone in the Black Hole? What a freak show!

-- PS: After 2 games, Michael Crabtree has 11 receptions for 137 yards. Darrius Heyward-Bey? 5 catches for 74 yards... IN EIGHT GAMES! HAHA! No wonder Crabtree held out for more money. He's friggin worth it.

In Defense of Rush Limbaugh's Rams bid

2009-10-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

One of the most successful organizations in the world, the National Football League, disappoints me in many ways these days.

They refuse to lift their asinine blackout television rules during a hideous recession, they make rules specifically for specific star quarterbacks that affect the way the game should be played and the direct outcome of some contests, they stifle the brilliantly funny Chad Ochocinco, and they won't allow Rush Limbaugh to become a minority owner of arguably its weakest and worst team, the St. Louis Rams.

There are three kinds of people in this country today: those who love/tend to agree with Rush, those who hate/cannot stand Rush, and those who are too out of touch/too stupid to even know who he is.

If those are my options, then fine, I love/tend to agree with Rush.

I really don't, but I just pigeonholed America with three contrasting options, and I'm not going to go back and rephrase it.

(By the way, I found the nicest picture of Rush on the internet. Doesn't look like a bad guy, right?)

I don't listen to him too often, because it's a weird time slot... I mean he's on at like 10am on the West Coast, and most of us are going to school or work and can't really listen to him bellow about the radical left and Barack Obama's America for two hours a morning. When I do listen to him, I can't say that I disagree with too much he says. Sorry, I'm a conservative, nothing I can do about that.

I TOTALLY understand why people hate him, and so does he. He plays on it. Rush is brash and outlandish, forceful and edgy. He is an excellent speaker who knows exactly what he wants to get across, and does it in a way that delights many of his hardcore listeners and disgusts the rest.

It's just one of those things.

What bothers me the most about this situation, is that there is a lot of hypocrisy and groupthinking going on by a group of owners and a players union that forced out a viable and qualified minority owner candidate, simply because of his views.

I'm sorry, last time I checked, this was America.

Not only did these bandwagoning owners band together out of fear and spinelessness, but the instantaneous campaign that sprung forth after the Checketts-Limbaugh news broke was mostly fabrications.

Sure, Limbaugh said this in 2003 (and we've all heard it):

"Sorry to say this, I don't think he's been that good from the get-go," Limbaugh said. "I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve. The defense carried this team."

Yes, it is divisive. No, it is not politically correct. But it's an opinion, and I don't believe it to be a racist one. It involves race, but that doesn't make it racist, and it doesn't make Rush a racist.

Back to this campaign...

You hear guys like the Colts' owner Jim Irsay, say, "Oh well, this guy is too divisive, and we don't like the comments he makes."

What comments Jim? Are we back on the McNabb thing AGAIN?

Maybe they were the 10 racist Rush Limbaugh quotes that are copied and pasted all over the internet.

Many of these quotes are either badly or indirectly sourced, some over 30 years old, and others just sourced to news articles by reputable sources that contain the quotes-- themselves not sourcing them to an audio clip.

An example:

"The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies."

The source given for this quote is to an article on FAIR's website (Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting)-- itself not sourcing this quote to anything at all.

Snopes.com, a fairly solid source for internet rumors and commonly held myths and beliefs, traces this quote...

"...as far back as 1992, so the only documentation (they've) been able to locate for it is indirect. All sources (they've) found that reference it cite the January 1993 issue of 'Flush Rush Quarterly' as their source.

A 1992 issue of Flush Rush Quarterly is the source? WTF is that anyway?

So look, some of this stuff is true, and some is not. Apparently Rush did say:

"Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it."

That statement alone is definitely on the racist side. But it was said within a much, much broader statement on his radio show in which he took a call about the NFL and its celebrations. Also from within that response is the following quote:

"Ladanian Tomlinson to me is the classiest player in the NFL. He doesn't do a dance, he doesn't spike the ball when he scores. He and Marvin Harrison are the two most classy individuals playing in the NFL today."

Racist?

Look, he was just making a point. Although most of NFL's celebrations are funny and enjoyable, a lot of it is excessive, especially the sack dances. But if you didn't know anything about football and didn't know anything about Bloods or Crips, would you draw similarities between these behaviors?

If you can't see the embedded videos, click here.

NFL celebrations

Gangbangers

The point in all of this is yes, Rush can be a jerk. A lot of people are offended by what he says. But I believe that this world is far too PC for its own good. In addition, most of the people who don't like Rush haven't even listened to more than 5 minutes of his show in their lives. They hear about the controversies, they know his political stances, they read shady internet quotes presented as fact, and decide that he's a racist and has no right to spend his own money to purchase part of a business.

It's the same thing I get when I tell people I watch the O'Reilly factor. Oh, he's a jerk, he's a liar, he sucks, he's a racist.... bla, bla, bla. Fox News, radical right, bla, bla, bla.

Yeah, and when was the last time you tuned in to the O'Reilly factor?

On the other hand, I understand Roger Goodell's efforts to thwart any kind of bad press. With, oh, I don't know, 400+ NFL players in the last 10 years being arrested, the league has a big problem. A few of note come to mind: Mike Vick and his dogfighting, Donte Stallworth ran a guy over and killed him, Pacman Jones, Shawne Merriman, Rae Carruth, Travis Henry, Leonard Little, the Cincy Bengals of a few years ago, Pacman Jones...

While Goodell has done a decent job of really laying down the law with players acting up, how bad could it have been to have Rush as a part owner of the Rams? He wouldn't be an Al Davis, Jerry Jones, or Dan Snyder. He's not going to be in the locker room after every game and trading for high priced receivers or drafting JaMarcus Russell. The guy wanted to own a slice of a struggling team in his home state.

And how about this?

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony, Venus & Serena Williams, Jimmy Buffett, Emilio & Gloria Estefan are all minority partners with the Miami Dolphins.

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ARE OBAMA SUPPORTERS. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WERE APPROVED WITHIN DAYS.

Okay, Dan, but none of those people make comments like Rush.

Yeah, but what do they say at their concerts? Anything political there?

And another example... Dan Rooney, owner of the Steelers, openly campaigned for Obama during his presidential run. In fact, he was such a big supporter, that Obama named Rooney the ambassador to Ireland (talk about a dream gig by the way.)

This isn't supposed to be about Obama, but it's just hypocritical of the NFL to say, yes, drunken wife beaters are allowed in our league, and outspoken Democrats are allowed to own teams, but Rush isn't.

I wonder what would happen if he tried to buy an NBA team?

"Yeah, Rush, we allow sleazy Russian billionaires and Jay-Z to own the New Jersey Nets, but you... you're too controversial."

It's all just a little two-faced, and I don't care for it. Although I've defended Michael Vick before, I just want this question answered:

How is Vick allowed to play and Rush isn't allowed to own a team?

I'm sorry. I thought this was America.

My American Car Wishlist

2009-10-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

I don't even know why I'm writing this, but I am. It serves no real purpose, but I don't feel like writing about O'Bamie getting the Nobel Peace prize (cough--JOKE--cough). Anyway....

As many of you do, I dream of the things I'd do if I somehow came into more money than God... like winning the lottery, although inevitably, none of us really even play the lottery it seems.

Some dream of exotic foreign vacations or houses, or insane shopping sprees. Truthfully, all I think about is cars. Yes if I had millions, I'd buy houses and go on vacation too, but even before I'd move, I'd buy a car-- or 10. "Great priorities," my parents would say. It's all hypothetical though. Give me a break.

So, here are the parameters I've set for myself. Buy the 10 sickest, American, in-production cars there are-- fully loaded of course. Classic cars and practical cars are lists for another time. So here we go (in no particular order). I encourage you to listen to Bob Seger and other Michigan-based tunes while reading this.

1.) Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon

Truthfully, this is currently the vehicle I'd buy right now if I could. There's nothing better than driving in the open air... especially when it's in a badass, American icon like the Wrangler. This new four door incarnation was introduced in 2005, and catches my eye on the road every time. They are a little underpowered, but obviously in this hypothethical situation, I'd immediately get rid of that 202 hp V6 and put a 6.1L Mopar Hemi in. America!

MSRP: $32k

2.) Chevy Silverado 1500 Crew Cab

My favorite trucks on the road have improved so much since my '98 2500 that it's unbelievable-- and that was an unbelievable rig. They are powerful, capable, and drop dead gorgeous. For my purposes, I would give this a 6 inch lift and some 35" BFG Goodrich's... pretty standard. Of course, I'd opt for the 6.2L V8. Yeah, that's the one that churns out 403 horses.

MSRP: $44k

3.) Lincoln Navigator L

Why the Navigator over the Escalade you wonder? Well, I like the looks of the Navigator better actually, which runs contrary to my usually GM-centric preferences. The front is almost presidential looking. Plus, I think the interiors of these behemoth are more inviting. The navigation that pops out of the dash is sick. It doesn't have as much power as the Caddy, but, this is a hypothetical remember? It would just serve as the luxo-cruiser that this 10 car collection needs. Tell me this isn't a beautiful vehicle...

MSRP: $62k

4.) Dodge Challenger SRT8

This remarkably sexy throwback muscle car had me drooling the first time I set eyes on her in a magazine. Strong lines, retro styling, and potent powerplants make the Challenger an extremely tough car to overlook. I mean just look at it!

This is a plain and simple classic muscle car. It is more aggressive than the new Camaros and Mustangs, and nothing like it has ever come out of Japan or Germany. Plus the SRT8 comes with the aforementioned 6.1L Hemi, good for 425 hp right off the factory floor. Joe Dirt would be proud.

MSRP $45k

5.) Corvette ZR1 3ZR

I can't think of anything more American than a Corvette. These beasts have been roaming the earth for over 50 years, and have evolved into near production supercars. Although not quite Ferraris, they are pretty damned close. This particular model, the ZR1, contains Chevy's big block 6.2L V8, used in the Escalade and Silverado. However, as this is of course, America, the ZR1's is supercharged, resulting in a rubber liquefying 638 ponies. These stats are ridiculous:

-- 0-60 in 3.4 seconds
-- 0-100 in 7.0 seconds
-- quarter mile in 11.3 seconds
-- 205 mph top speed

MSRP: $120k

6.) Dodge Ram 3500 Resistol Mega Cab

As much as I love Silverados, the Dodge Ram is the truck that powers America. The undisputable choice of ranchers, farmers, and anyone who needs to haul things, the Dodge Ram with its bulletproof Cummins Diesel engine can tow more, more reliably than any other 3/4 ton or 1 ton models (ie. F-350, Chevy 3500). Just ask my buddy Nate, who claims to have towed over 22,000 pounds in his 2004 Ram. Granted, cattle ranchers are known to embellish a bit, but it is rated at 19,000 pounds-- good enough to tow 12 Smart Cars. This is why Toyota Tundras are laughed at by real truckers. Also, any truck that comes out with a Resistol model is badass. Stop into your local Boot Barn if you don't know what that is.

MSRP: $50k

7.) Cadillac Escalade EXT

That's right, you didn't think I liked these. Well I do. There's something I find cool about a half truck, half SUV that looks like an Escalade. It's just the jack of all trades. Naturally, it will never see a trip to Home Depot or a dirt road, but still. The Cadillac Escalade is arguably the biggest status symbol in our country today. Everyone from soccer moms, to rappers, athletes, and CEO's take pride in their Escalades, and despite how common they seem to be, they still turn heads, especially this upgraded Chevy Avalanche version. Come on, 403 horses... you know you want one!

MSRP: $60k

8.) 2009 Pontiac G8 GXP

Okay, don't laugh at this one. I know it seems a bit out of place. But this car is for real. As we all know, the world sucks so bad in general that GM had to kill one of its children-- Pontiac. Seriously, I consider the removal of this proud brand from the road as a form of auto-murder. Hopefully, the world will stop sucking so bad in the future that Pontiac can be resurrected, even if it's only for the Trans Am, GTO, and this car, the G8.

This G8 is an aggressive, sharp muscle sedan, that would probably be overlooked if you saw one. I'd love nothing more than to challenge some punk in an Acura listening to electronical music at a red light, then torch him in this beast.

Its Corvette-shared V8 is good for 415 hp, and its cabin roomy enough to tool around town other human beings in tow. It's also been noted for its surprisingly crisp handling. 0-60 times have been clocked at 5.4 seconds.

RIP Pontiac. I'll miss you.

MSRP: $40k (but you can get one now for $35k)

9.) Dodge Viper SRT-10 Convertible

The most outlandish of all American vehicles has been, and will always be the Dodge Viper. It's severe snake-like styling and absurd V-10 power has been turning heads since the early 1990s. Far from an everyday driver, these rubber-burning reptiles are loud, ridiculously fast, and ultra-rare. I'd opt for the convertible version because so far, the only one I have in this collection is the Wrangler. Seriously, how sleazy would this be? I'd crank nothing but Eddie Money, Foreigner and Van Halen, and just cruise around trying to pick up sleazy women until this 600 horsepower monster blew out my eardrums. Love it.

MSRP: $104k

And last, but not least:

10) Cadillac CTS-V

True Statement: The CTS-V is the fastest production sedan in the world.

This is probably the best car in America, in all aspects. The CTS was Motor Trend's car of the year in 2008, and nearly everything about it is top notch. The CTS-V model is an amazing performance version of this already sporty Lexus/BMW killer.

The CTS-V's Corvette-borrowed 6.2L V8 is supercharged, and makes 556 horsepower. In a car that weighs only 4,200 lbs., this translates roughly into: THE CADDY THAT ZIGS.

How about this from Motor Trend:

"AMG's E63 Benz nails 60 mph in 4.3 seconds. The new CTS-V weighs about the same and has at least 43 more horses and 85 pound-feet more torque. You draw your own conclusions."

This car is why the tide is turning.

MSRP: $60k

If you're wondering, those 10 cars add up to $617,000. Not too bad, considering this dream of mine involves hundreds of millions. Love it.

Inglourious Basterds: I want my money back

2009-09-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

Warning: Spoilers

I think my title pretty much sums up my feelings about this movie. I literally couldn't be more disappointed in Quentin Tarantino's new film. Seriously.

Were you/are you one of the red-blooded males who saw the trailer on TV where Brad Pitt was goin' on 'bout killin' Naatzis in a Tennessee drawl and got fired up? Well I certainly was.

You know, it's one of those movie marketing tricks. Make the whole trailer about Brad Pitt killing Germans and pretend that's what you'll see for two and a half hours. Well, you had better see a matinee show if you plan on getting your money's worth.

I am well aware that half of you reading this think I'm crazy, dense, and "that I just don't understand the "genius" of Tarantino."

Oh I understand it alright.

The guy is by far the most self-indulgent narcissist in the history of cinema. And luckily for him, he's established a "mainstream cult" following that collectively believes that he walks on water and can do no wrong.

The guy is a good director and writes a good script, there's no doubt about that. The storylines were definitely intriguing. Also, the casting in Inglorious Basterds was incredible. Each character actor was impeccably chosen and were not only believable, but weren't distracting. Basically, we have no idea who these people are other than Pitt (and you'll recognize Diane Kruger). This is especially true for the actor playing Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz), an SS Colonel disturbingly, yet aptly nicknamed "Jewhunter."

Landa is probably one of the most intriguingly developed and and superbly acted roles I've ever seen, and at times, this sadistic bastard (pun intended) steals the show. He makes some very long, drawn out scenes tolerable because he is so damned authentic.

Other than the casting, the superb cinematography (camera work, contrast, composition), and a handful of brilliantly acted non-action scenes, this movie had few bright spots to speak of. It just went on and on, and very little happened or was accomplished.

As Peter Griffin once said about The Godfather, "It insists upon itself."

(That's right, I quoted Peter Griffin.)

There is so little action between the 20 minute and 1 hour and 20 minute marks that I seriously considered leaving the theater. I'm not one to hate a good dialog or relevant scene, but we're talking scene after painful scene of slow character and plot building, endless subtitle reading, and single scenes of people sitting around a table for almost 30 full minutes with zero cutaways.

I appreciated the subtitles at first, as Germans and Frenchmen aren't going to be speaking English to one another during WWII. But trust me, it gets old REAL quick. Again, it's as if Tarantino was so pleased with himself for finding actors who could switch seamlessly between three and four languages easily, that he had them do it for a half hour at a time.

And who's going to tell him otherwise? He's the delicate prima donna who's had his ass kissed so much for the last 20 years that if anyone suggested that half the movie was a snoozefest, he'd probably pull some kind of less masculine Christian Bale fit on the set, fire his editors and/or key grips, and go hide in his trailer with a cappuccino for 6 hours.

More disappointments:

Brad Pitt was on screen for about one third of the movie. He was by far the most entertaining character in the entire film. Obviously Waltz's Landa character was the most compelling, but that doesn't mean he was keeping me awake.

While Tarantino's bizarre, seemingly irrelevant short stories took their turns on screen, one is left thinking, "What the hell do these people have to do with each other?"

The answer simply is, nothing. The only link between the Inglourious Basterds (Pitt's unit of Jewish-American army assasins), and Shosanna Dreyfus (who we meet in the movie's first scene) is Colonel Landa.

Even at the end of the movie for the big bloody finale, the stories end up coinciding in the same place with the same goals, but they do not cross paths or join together in any manner. This is something that Tarantino almost surely delights in while his droves of lemmings notice its obviousness and fancy themselves film aficionados.

It is this cinematographic hubris by Tarantino that drives me crazy. He thinks he can just juxtapose two totally different plots and stories on top of one another, vaguely tying them together in one absurd final bloodbath. All the while he's crossing his fingers and hoping no one notices the ugly staples and seams holding the movie's parts together underneath all the oozing bodies on the ground.

Another thing that drives me nuts about this Tarantino is that he'll just randomly put arrows with names superimposed on a freeze frame that befits John Madden or Jeff Van Gundy during a sports telecast. There were also a couple cutaways to a random narrator (who sounded like Samuel L. Jackson), and out of place German 80s pop music during key parts of the movie. Guy drives me nuts. No one else can get away with a fictitious "period piece" like this. No one.

As I mentioned before, there is painfully little action in this film, (maybe about 20 minutes out of the (at times) agonizing 2 hours and 33 minutes. And as is Tarantino's M.O., the violence is so grotesque and unfathomable that it borders on the absolute absurd-- in effect making the bashing of a man's skull with a Louisville Slugger and the constant scalping of Nazis seem hilarious.

Even I felt weird about laughing at a dead guy getting his brain exposed by an antler-hilted buck knife as Brad Pitt drawled on about the Smoky Mountains. It was just awesomely bad.

Look, if you're in the Tarantino cult, I know you've already disregarded this. You're all as in love with him as he is with himself. If you're not in his cult and think this is an action movie, you're mistaken. Catch it on Netflix in 5 months.

B-

Let the Quentin Tarantino defense begin.

The Brilliance of Bill Simmons

2009-09-04T12:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, this is a quick cop out of a blog article, but if you are a guy who even remotely likes sports and Las Vegas, you MUST read this two part article on ESPN. Trust me. You will agree with everything and laugh out loud. Epic. Bill Simmons meets up with 10 of his friends for a fantasy football draft and all sorts of other debauchery.

Brilliance in action.

ESPN -- Bill Simmons -- "You're Never Too Old For Vegas" Part 1

Part 2

MSNBC isn't dishonest? Check this out!

2009-08-21T00:22:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this on an email newsfeed or Facebook, click here to see the videos.

This is the first video clip, which was aired on the very pro-Obama MSNBC. Notice the details of the video. Also, listen to the insane blather on this program! These people are unbelievable... but you decide for yourself.

And here is a local ABC affiliate's video. Notice that the gun-toting (great) American in the video is not a "white racist".

I report. You decide. Haha. Where's Jon Stewart on this one??

Again, if you cannot see the videos, click here.

It is time to forgive Michael Vick

2009-08-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

The two types of people I can't stand in life are jerks and idiots. I think many will agree with me on that.

No one wants to be around jerks, and stupid people just slow the world down and create problems.

With that said, I believe that it is possible for former jerks to become more acceptable to society. That is where today's topic comes in: Michael Vick.

Vick's disturbing missteps and downfall have been publicly documented ad nauseum. We all know what he was involved in. We all shared our thoughts on the matter, we all saw it on the news. People took positions on it. Many were so angered by what he did, that they vowed never to forgive him and couldn't care less if the guy got a second chance or even lived for that matter.

I was one of them.

I'm a dog lover, as many of you are. The thought of killing one of these amazing friendly creatures is about as disturbing as anything could be to many people.

In our society, dogs are part of the family... many, such as my dog, are treated better than a lot of humans. On the micro level, there is nothing wrong with that. I actually encourage this.

So two years ago when all this Vick stuff came out, we were flabbergasted, disgusted, angered, and saddened by it.

Now it is time for us--mainstream America-- to channel some of the forgiveness and compassion that we show our pets, to show that towards our fellow man.

In this case, Mike Vick.

The guy messed up bad. He did unspeakable, stupid, jerkish things. But how can people continually resent him and wish him ill? If I as a dog lover, and hater of stupid jerks, can forgive him, maybe you can to; even at a provisional level like NFL commish Roger Goodell did.

My point is this:

The man was on top of the world. Maybe he wasn't the best or most complete quarterback the league has ever seen, but he was sure paid like it. He had everything. He had millions of dollars, fame, and the entire city of Atlanta eating out his hand like no one since Hank Aaron.

Next thing he knew, he had nothing. He was suspended. He was released. He was put in prison. His every move was documented. His very presence is protested.

He lost EVERYTHING.

Do you think his public remorse is contrived? Fake? Do you think he's sorry only because he was torn down like a condemned building and had to file for bankruptcy?

He's sorry because he is.

He knows what he did was horrifically wrong and unforgivable to many. Part of his deal with the Eagles is that he will work directly with the Humane Society and the PETA nuts to further anti-animal abuse measures and dogfighting in Philadelphia. It is ironic of course that it is Philly in which he will be working, because this is a city that has a huge dogfighting problem amongst its many issues.

Haven't you ever seen Animal Cops?

It's time to get off your high horses people. It is not time to forget, but it is time to give this once proud man another chance to make a living doing the one thing that he does best.

If he somehow messes this opportunity up, then, by all means, drive out of town with pitchforks and torches. But until then, show this human being a shred of the same forgiveness that you show your own family members and friends (including dogs) when they fail you.

This is what makes us human after all.

Here is the article I wrote in 2007 about Vick. Check it out.

Family Guy finally goes right wing... Sorta

2009-08-13T13:55:00.001-07:00

A buddy of mine sent me this link, and I for one am all about it. Family Guy is one of the smartest, funniest shows out there, and it is only getting better in my book. Here's an interview with creator and genius Seth MacFarlane.

Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh make appearances on the show next season. That's right, the two "most evil" conservatives in history on Family Guy. Awesome.

If you're reading this on Facebook or an Email Newsfeed and cannot see the video, click here.

An Interview with Astros Rookie hurler Bud Norris

2009-08-04T19:37:00.002-07:00

For those of you seeing this twice, I apologize... This is an import from my San Francisco Giants blog, The Dodger Hater.

Novato, CA native and Cal Poly grad Bud Norris just made his major league debut with the Astros last week, and then got his first win on Sunday against St. Louis. As the Giants are currently in Houston, I thought there was no better time to get Bud on the horn.

DP: You've officially gotten your feet wet in the big leagues. Is it as awesome as you expected it to be?

Bud: Yeah, it has been. I was in Memphis, Tennessee and I got the call, and the first place I was going was Wrigley Field. What better place to play your first couple games and get your feet wet? And obviously that day game on Wednesday was pretty amazing.

It still hasn't set in all the way, but I'm hoping to stay here for a long time and a lot more years down the line.

DP: You've given up only 1 ER so far in 10 innings while striking out 9. It looks like if you had any nerves, they weren't around for long. Has it been tough at all to focus?

Bud: Not really. I've prepared myself pretty well over the years. I've been starting games for a while now, and the other day in St. Louis felt like just another day. I was a little nervous out there when I was stretching in the bullpen, but by the time they did "God Bless America" and The National Anthem, I got a chance to catch my breath again and I just went out there and did my thing. Obviously with a guy like Pudge behind the plate, you don't have to shake him off much, and you just throw your game.

DP: We talked about this a little bit back in spring training, but are you still kind of in awe of the fact that you have beasts like Carlos Lee, Lance Berkman, Pudge, Tejada, and Roy Oswalt as teammates?

Bud: Spring Training was a good way to sort of meet these guys the first time around, so when I got called up, I already kinda knew them and they knew me a little bit. Now that I'm here with these guys in Houston everyday, it's awesome. All of them have been really great and they haven't played too many pranks on me yet. You know, sitting there with Lance and Roy and doing stuff with all those guys has been great and I definitely appreciate it.

DP: You got called up to start for Roy Oswalt, who got hurt. What's it like come in and step in for a guy like Roy who's been their ace for so many years?

Bud: Obviously he is Roy Oswalt and everyone knows he's one of the most dominant pitchers in the game right now. Just to come in here and help this team any way I can, whether it was out of the bullpen like last week, or picking up a spot start... well that's what I'll do.

I didn't really look at it like I was taking Roy's spot. I just looked at it like I deserved it and we needed some help, so I did the most with it and I'm glad I could help out.

DP: Obviously your fastball and slider have been pretty nasty. You've been working real hard down in Round Rock on your change-up. How confident are you with it now?

Bud: I've had the change for awhile, but it just hasn't been as good as the other two. Scouting directors out there were saying, 'Oh his third pitch needs a lot more work', but yeah, I have a lot more confidence in it this year.

Being healthy all year in Triple A and getting a chance to work on my change every single day in my starts and in bullpen sessions was great. I feel really confident with it now and feel like I can throw it in any situation. Everyone knows you've gotta have that third pitch if you wanna be a starter in this league. So it's been great that the change has progressed nicely and it's been nice to have that third pitch in my arsenal.

DP: Speaking of Round Rock... I just Wikipedia'd it, and I had no idea it was basically right next to Austin. How'd you like Austin? You take in some good Texas music?

Bud: Yeah, Austin's great. Round Rock is about 20 minutes North and I've been down there a time or two. The nightlife is great. They call it 6th Street. They've got all the places lined up there, and there's live music in every single bar. There's a ton of double decker places with open rooftops and it's a lot of fun. There's any kind of vibe that you can get into, and all around, the city's beautiful.

I love the area and it's a great city. It doesn't compare to San Francisco, because SF is a lot bigger, but as far is Texas is concerned, I like it a lot.

DP: So I saw this show on E! called "Baseball Wives" a couple weeks ago. Casey Daigle was your teammate down there in Round Rock, and he's married to Jennie Finch. Did you ever see her around there?

Bud: Daigle's a great guy, and yeah, Jennie would be there a lot. She kinda hid off to the side but she'd always say hello. After the games, their son Ace would always be in the locker room and Casey would buy him candy out of the vending machines.

Jennie is a really nice lady though and really tall and just as beautiful in person as she is on TV.

DP: Houston is a beast of a city, how are you holding up in that brutal humidity and traffic? It's been pretty nice back here in Marin County... haha.

Bud: Yeah, I haven't had to drive down here yet, so luckily I haven't had to deal with the traffic. But the one thing most people don't realize is that Minute Maid is a retractable roof. It's great. So last night it was really hot and humid outside, but we had that roof closed with the A/C on, so it was pretty nice inside. Yeah, but once you get outside those gates, the heat gets turned up on you pretty quick.

It's definitely a plus to have that dome at Minute Maid.

DP: Tell me... have you had any pranks pulled on you yet? Shaving cream pies in the face? Barbie backpacks in your locker?

Bud: Nothin yet really. Mostly because we'd lost 4 or 5 straight there and you kinda have to be winning to mess around like that. The one thing I did get was from LaTroy Hawkins.

Every day while the pitchers stretch, I have to bring out 13 bottles of water so that every pitcher has a bottle of water while they stretch. So, nothing too terrible so far, but I'm sure there's more to come.

DP: You grew up a Giants fan, and we were all hoping you would've been called up for the Astros' series in San Francisco earlier this season. How many ticket requests do you think you're gonna get for that one in 2010?

Bud: I don't know man, but there's gonna be a few. My mom will definitely spread the news around like wildfire, so if I had to put a number on it, I'd guess around 30, but we'll see.

DP: Dude. You struck out Derrek Lee, Matt Holliday, Mark DeRosa, and held Albert Pujols hitless. How sick is that?

Bud: Looking back on it, the first one, the Derrek Lee one, kinda gave me jitters when I had an opportunity to watch the tape later on. Obviously he's one of their best hitters and on fire right now, and I kinda froze him there on a good fastball away.

But you don't really think about it too much. You're just out there doing your job, that's the biggest key. The start on Sunday, being able to get the Cardinals hot lineup and to get Holliday a couple times, and getting out of a tough situation there was pretty good.

The main thing is that you're doing your job. Obviously getting guys like that to swing and miss is pretty tough, so I'll take it any way I can.

DP: I know you just got back from the 'Stros recent roadie, but have you been recognized by anyone in Houston yet?

Bud: Yeah, funny thing. They put you up in a hotel here in Houston for the first week, and the guys at the front desk asked me, "Hey are you Bud Norris?" and I was like, "Well, yeah."

They were like, "Welcome, welcome. Helluva game yesterday." Then some guy who had been at the bar and had a few beers came over and shook my hand. It was pretty cool.

But no, nothing too bad yet, but I'm sure in a couple weeks it'll get a lot worse. But hanging out with Pence, I don't think I'll have to worry about myself being recognized as much.

DP: So, I picked you up in 3 fantasy leagues, and our buddy Jimmy used his #1 waiver priority in our pay league to grab you. Thoughts?

Bud: Yeah man. I appreciate it. I hope Jimbo was able to put me in the lineup on Sunday. He would've gotten a nice win with a few K's. The Fantasy stuff is pretty fun. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to play this year, but I'm glad you're all having fun with it.

DP: If you played it next year would you draft yourself No. 1 overall?

Bud: I probably wouldn't dude. I'd have to be smarter than that. I want to win the thing, that's for sure.

DP: I'm trying to come up with a good nickname for you by incorporating Chuck Norris, your name, Houston, and Walker Texas Ranger, but I just can't. Any ideas?

Bud: I haven't gotten anything yet, but I'm gonna be thinking about it now. I'm sure someone will come up with something in the clubhouse pretty soon, but I guess until then, Bud will have to do.

DP: Yeah, I guess you've got a solid baseball name already.

DP: Will we see you at the Peso for Blackout Wednesday?

Bud: Who knows what the plans are, but it could be surprise. But yeah, obviously it would be great to get there and see everyone again. It would definitely be fun.

Some shameless self promotion

2009-07-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know this already, but this blog currently reaches a larger audience than my San Francisco Giants blog. Disregard this if you already know...

On my Giants blog, I recently wrote a post about a conversation that my buddy Spencer and I had regarding the Giants pitching staff and what kind of women they would be.

Bizarre, weird, and hilarious.

So I wrote it up and went through each pitcher. Then, after the overwhelmingly positive response I got from people, I promoted the link by putting by putting it on more highly trafficked Giants sites and emailing it to all the anchors on KNBR 680, the Giants flagship station in SF.

Sure enough, the other night, I get a comment from KNBR anchor, Damon Bruce, who is filling in for the Fitz & Brooks show this week. He said that he loved it and that he'd talk about on the air on Monday (today).

After waiting through the first 2 hours of Damon Bruce on KNBR... I called up right before 2 pm, and told the incredulous call screener that I wanted to talk about the Giants pitching staff as women and that Damon Bruce would know what I'm talking about. 2 minutes later during the commercial break, Damon got on the horn with me off the air and told me that he got a little too wrapped up in the steroids conversation today and would have to get to my blog tomorrow.

Really unbelievable... said he was reading it the other night with his fiance and they were cracking up reading it... he mentioned the Jeremy Affeldt breakdown as a particularly great one.

I will record it, so you don't need to listen to it live-- I'll have an mp3 form of it. If you leave your email address as a comment, I will get it to you. If you do want to listen to it live it will be probably towards the middle of the show. The show is on 12-3p Pacific on KNBR 680. If you're outside the Bay Area, you can listen online.

This is what he's going to be talking about if you haven't read it:

http://dodgerhater.blogspot.com/2009/07/thinking-of-giants-pitching-staff-as.html

Dan

Keeping racial divides intact

2009-07-24T13:23:00.001-07:00

I tried to ignore this story for a long time. Since I haven't been writing as much as I used to, I thought maybe this article should be about Obama's shady health care pipe dream or the absurd Jeremy Mayfield saga out of NASCAR. However, the arrest of Harvard scholar Henry Gates has really struck a nerve with me. And I'll say that I'm tackling a very difficult subject that no one can truly fully understand. I just think with common sense, and I think that's the best thing people can do in this world.

The short version of the story is that Gates, upon arriving from out of town, was having difficulty entering his home in Cambridge, Mass. and appeared to be breaking into the home. The police were called to investigate, and according to reports, Gates, who is black, immediately became irate with officers and began hurling charges of racism almost upon contact. He showed the officers his driver's license, but refused to cooperate or calm down. He was then arrested for disorderly conduct.

Where the real story begins, is when Mr. Gates began telling his story to his prominent friends-- Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA) and President Obama.

Despite hearing only their friend's account of the story, both men immediately issued public comments, decrying the treatment of their friend and jumping to conclusions.

"(This incident is) every black man's nightmare and a reality for many black men." Patrick said.

His buddy, the President, added that "The Cambridge police acted stupidly..."

Fair enough. I get it. You're sticking up for your friend. I don't blame Barack or Deval for that. I do however have a problem with them making this a racial issue.

What about the fact that this Officer Crowley, the arresting officer is a very respected member of the police force?

"Numerous police officers, including African-Americans, have spoken up on Crowley's behalf and portrayed him as a good and fair officer. Crowley, who is white, had once been chosen by a black police officer to teach a police academy course on ways to avoid racial profiling." (CNN.com)

That doesn't sound like a racist to me... Sounds like a stiff guy that goes by the book.

Henry Gates is a prominent genealogist and African-American scholar. He's into it... hardcore. He is also the Editor-In-Chief of TheRoot.com , a black online newspaper owned by The Washington Post.

This is from The Root's "About Us" section:

The Root is a daily online magazine that provides thought-provoking commentary on today's news from a variety of black perspectives. The site also hosts an interactive genealogical section to trace one's ancestry through AfricanDNA.com, a DNA testing site co-founded by Henry Louis Gates, Jr., who is also The Root's Editor-In-Chief. The Root aims to be an unprecedented departure from traditional American journalism, raising the profile of black voices in mainstream media and engaging anyone interested in black culture around the world.

I will not pretend to know what it is like to be an African-American, because I have no idea. All I can do is try to understand where they're coming from and base an opinion on what I do know.

What I do know is that there are racists throughout the world, but most people are not. Those involved in movements such as Gates are extremely passionate about their cause, but seem to utilize what I perceive to be as a blame game very regularly.

It's the reverse cycle trace.

Man X (who happens to be black) is arrested by police for a crime or lawful suspicion of a crime.

Now begins the reverse cycle trace.

He was arrested by racist white police because of his skin color, but it wasn't all his fault because he grew up in a bad neighborhood full of drugs and crime, and wasn't given any opportunities because of societal oppression... and so on... all the way back to the heinous abomination of slavery.

I'm not saying all of this is not partially legitimate. Unfortunately, Lord knows that it is. Those who grow up in those types of situations certainly haven't received the opportunities in life that I have... I get that.

But at some point, people must take responsibilities for their actions and their own lives.

Mr. Gates was detained because he was yelling and screaming absurd accusations at police officers who were simply trying to do their jobs. These guys see enough stuff on a day to day basis to not take any chances.

Gates reportedly yelled things at the officers like, "(You) have no idea who (you're) was 'messing' with!" And when asked to come outside the home, "I'll speak with your mama outside. And generally "...exhibiting loud and tumultuous behavior."

I wasn't there, just like President Obama wasn't, so I cannot totally say what happened there that night. I can say however that Mr. Gates is probably not the biggest fan of white people.

The following are quotes from Mr. Gates from an interview with Jane Slaughter of The Progressive. It appears in vol. 62 in 1998.

Affirmative action to me is reparations for sexism, reparations for racism. But it's being dismantled. That's scary, and it's depressing. And the most depressing aspect is that a black man is the swing vote on these issues often--that's Clarence Thomas. It really pisses me off, and you can quote me. His attitude [toward the liberals, feminists, and black intellectuals who opposed his nomination] is, "You messed with me, and you didn't kill me. You should have killed me. Now I'm going to kick your ass forever."

What you want is a level playing field. Once you're in there, you want the same privileges, the same opportunities as the white boys.

He continues on:

"It's like [the white male elite] was hibernating for a few decades, and they woke up one day, they walked into a room, and they go, "God, how'd these women get in here, how'd these black people get in here? We're gonna shake the tree and all of y'all that can hold on to those branches, you're welcome to stay. But ain't no more of you gonna get in, and if you fall down, your ass is going back to where it was y'all came from."

If he said these things during Bill Clinton's presidency, imagine what he was saying during 8 years of Dubya and Cheney.

I have no problem with Gates and his black legitimacy movement. I actually encourage it. Our American society can only become stronger if the African-American community continues to improve.

I just don't like the methods. Promoting blame and making societal excuses and declarations is no way to empower people. If anything Gates is a proponent of dependency and reckless assumptions.

I like the Bill Cosby method myself:

"They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk: "Why you ain't," "Where you is," "What he drive," "Where he stay," "Where he work," "Who you be." And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around. The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids, $500 sneakers for what? And they won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.'

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit. Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where were you when he was 18, and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol? And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong? People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something? Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up? Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from? We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa. With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap, and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back. People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men, or whatever you call them now. We have millionaire football players who cannot read. We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks, have to do a better job. Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer."

--Bill Cosby, 2004

Obviously, there is racism in our society. Everyone is guilty of passing judgment on someone because of their appearance at one time or another; it is simply human nature. It is what you do with those perceptions and actions that makes you a positive or negative force on this world. It is surely a complex issue that will never fully be worked out, but incidents like this are assisting in keeping racial divides intact.

And that, is just plain wrong.

Open letter to the bufoonish circle running my beloved Warriors

2009-06-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Don Nelson & Minions,

I am writing this letter to you in good spirits!

Despite our disappointing 2008-2009 season, I have not lost hope in our ability to improve and be successful in the near future.

As you may know already, I was an outspoken proponent of Chris Mullin being renewed as the team's GM, and was not very happy about the way he was locked out, much like George Costanza was when he faked being handicapped at that playground equipment company.

Despite this, I recognize that you, Nellie, and your trio of hunchbacked, shadowy executives and quasi-executives, are trying to make a big splash this offseason.

I was a little surprised when you took Stephen Curry yesterday with the 7th pick. I was all but convinced that Jordan Hill, the long athletic power forward from Arizona would be a great fit to play alongside Biedie and Anthony Randolph.

Not to say Curry is not a superb talent, but I just wonder how he fits in with Monta Ellis in the long term.

We fans know that Monta is not exactly content right now, and he seems to be buying into this point guard nonsense that you've been shoveling down our throats, Nellie. However, you and I both know that Monta is better running off picks and shooting midrange jumpers or creating quick shots and short drives off picks at the elbow. His ballhandling skills and decision making in the halfcourt game will never be his strong suits, and everyone in America knows it.

Despite this, and the failed Jamal Crawford experiment last year, we still have the same issues heading into next season.

Curry is not a true point guard either, and is the same size as Moped Monta. Just like the Crawford-Ellis tandem of last year, this will create more defensive liabilities in the backcourt when playing against bigger guards. You can only defend one guy with Stephen Jackson, you know.

This curious selection of Curry only gets stranger when paired with the seemingly far-fetched tradewinds blowing in from the desert involving Amare Stoudemire.

A combination of Biedrins, Wright, Belinelli, Azubuike, and/or Curry would be sent to Phoenix for Stoudemire.

Nellie, I know you're salivating over Amare (or Amar'e as he decided at some point), but please, I'm begging you: DO NOT MAKE THE TRADE.

He is the big splash the Dubs covet. We all long to be relevant again, like we were when we had Baron Davis. This is the wrong move though.

Stoudemire is the worst defensive power forward in the league. I have personally watched this 6'10, 260 man stand in the key with his hands at his sides for nearly entire games. His blocked shot stats are nothing but a fraud. He is a terrible on ball defender and the majority of his blocks come from the weak side, where he comes in when he feels like it to swat balls into the stands. If he made half this effort when his man had the ball, he'd be a much better asset.

In addition, Amare Stoudemire is a moody guy who hates playing center. He never wanted to be a center, and he never will. Biedrins is a legit 5 and loves playing defense and protecting the key. He's also 3 years younger than Amare and is only getting better.

Furthermore Nellie, Amare is not a real 26, he's more like 30 or 31. Despite his tremendous athleticism and physique, he is a man in decline.

Before you freak out, there is real logic behind this.

He has already had the dreaded microfracture surgery on his knee, which really takes a few years and some explosiveness out of you in the long term (See Martin, Kenyon and McGrady, Tracy). In addition, he missed the last 2 months of last year with a severe eye injury. Who knows what kind of long term psychological damage that has on him. Perhaps he will dog it on defense even more when he sees arms flailing around near his eyes.

Amare has what we call Miley Cyrus syndrome.

Miley is only 16, but America didn't bat an eye when we found out she was dating a 20 year old man in public. That's not even legal in West Virginia. It was accepted because she's been in show business since she was like 12. She's probably more like 20 in terms of maturity because of her exposure to the craziness of "the life" for all these years.

Define statutory... --->

Since he's got Miley Cyrus syndrome, add 4 years onto Amare. He's 30.

Then of course there's the matter of Amare's contract. He can opt out of his deal after this season. Not even the Clippers would trade for Stoudemire unless that deal was extended, to the tune of $95 million over 5 years, re-retarding the Dubs' cap situation until 2015.

In short Nellie and Minions, Amare is not the right direction. I know he's tempting, but he will only set us back. Believe it or not, there's a reason why the Suns couldn't win with Nash, Amare, and the rest of them.

No team can beat the Lakers trying to run circles around them. I hate to say it, but they're the model roster you want, not the Suns circa 2006 sans a real point guard.

And if Monta is mad that you took Stephen Curry, send him and a lottery protected #1 pick to Minnesota for Ricky Rubio and a bad contract.

Rubio and Curry. Now that's a backcourt.

Sincerely,

Daniel Pera
Loyal Warriors Fan

PS: Really guys, we couldn't get into the second round to steal DaJuan Blair? Does Paul Millsap ring a bell? Jesus, what a blunder.

Hitler is a Buffalo Bills fan: Hilarious

2009-06-11T21:59:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't written anything in a while folks. I'm on a bit of a sabbatical from everything... I've got a lot of good ideas building up though. Hopefully this hilarious video will tide you over. Hitler is a Bills fan, no wonder he was always so pissed off. Terrell Owens will do that to you.

If you are reading this on Facebook or an email newsfeed, click here. You will need sound.

How Expedia works... What they don't want you to know

2009-05-13T14:09:00.000-07:00

After spending 3 years working in the hotel business, I'd like to share the secrets of one of the biggest rackets in the business: discount travel websites like Expedia.

For the sake of simplicity, I'm just going to refer to these sites as Expedia even though there are a million of them now... Orbitz, Priceline, Lodging.com, Travelocity, etc.

These sites are able to miraculously offer lower rates on their sites than the hotels themselves. It's not very complicated, and in fact it is brilliant.

Here's how it works:

A hotel decides that it needs to sell unsold rooms or increase their occupancy on low volume periods of time. For corporate hotels this could mean weekends, for more leisure based hotels, this could me slow weekends or weekdays. They agree to allot a certain amount of inventory to Expedia for these said days. For each room that is booked by a traveler online, the hotel "sells" this room to Expedia at an absurdly low rate.

Let's say "Hotel A" has a rack rate of $149 for a particular day. Well, when someone books one of these unsold rooms, Expedia has basically agreed to compensate the hotel for that room. Guess how much they pay the hotel...

They pay the hotel sometimes 50% of the rack rate, but generally the price falls between 55% and 70% depending on the agreement.

Then Expedia takes this $149 room, pays the hotel $90 for it, then marks it up to the travel consumer on the website to $120 or $130. In addition, for utilizing these Expedia-type websites, Hotel A will kick back a monthly commission based on booking usage or a flat fee.

(Check out the difference in the Expedia and Fairmont SF website rates)

Why, you ask, would a hotel do this?

The main reason is marketing. Smaller properties or properties that are not part of large chains do this to draw in people that would ordinarily not book at their hotel. The consumers see another option and possibly a very low price to match. More established properties just do it to keep up with the Joneses. If their property isn't up there with the rest of them, the discount-minded consumer will simply book at another hotel. Many properties reluctantly participate with these sites.

There are drawbacks to this for both hotels and consumers though.

Hotels basically break even when it comes to these room bookings. There's a certain amount of money a room must sell for to break even for renting it. Every time someone stays in a room, the cost of cleaning it, replenishing supplies, and providing other services adds up. Throw in the extra commissions that hotels kick back to the website, and it is nothing more than a marketing tool.

In addition, properties have target demographics upset when random internet cheap asses get a great deal online. Think about the white trash couple who ends up staying next to the CEO and his wife in town for a charity golf tournament and some R&R. Inevitably it seems, the hillbillies misbehave, upset the classy people who paid full price, and the front office manager is forced to comp the room for the CEO and his wife. All too common scenario.

Consumers get screwed far more often though. With Expedia, Travelocity, or Priceline, you are required to prepay for your room. You go through all the steps, "request" your room type, and then get your credit card charged immediately after.

So... what if:

1) You have an emergency and need to cancel your room the day of?
2) You have a bad experience and demand a room credit from the front desk?
3) You need to shorten your multi-day stay once you've checked in?
4) What if you requested a King non-smoking and the hotel claims they don't have any?

Basically you're screwed, unless you're dealing with a really friendly hotel.

By prepaying through these websites, you have signed your life away. The only way to get any sort of refund (Priceline and Hotwire don't allow refunds) is to get the hotel to communicate directly with Expedia and agree to waive the charges... that of course is after you spend 45 minutes on the phone during your vacation with Expedia. Many of the lowest rates at 3 and 4 star properties are non-refundable, even on Expedia. They state it up front.

Hotels are basically powerless to give you any kind of discount. If you have a bad experience, there's nothing they can do. You paid Expedia the money, and Expedia pays the hotel up to a month later. The hotel can't simply open the cash drawer and give you money...

Furthermore, many hotels sell "Run of the house" rooms to these websites, which you really have no control of. The dirt cheap sites like Hotwire and Priceline basically are selling you the worst rooms possible. This means you're likely going to end up in a double smoking room on the freeway. If the hotel is nice and a non-smoking room is available, they can choose to accommodate you, but are under no obligation to give you your preference. And no, they can't give you a discount.

Specifically with Expedia/Hotels.com, you can request a King or Double room. You will get whichever one you booked. However, you can only choose a preference for smoking or non, you are not guaranteed it. This happens constantly. People get to their room, say "I requested a non-smoking room, this isn't going to work," and receive the explanation that they weren't guaranteed one. And no, they can't give you a discount.

This invariably leads to scathing online reviews that hurt the hotel, but Expedia gets away scot free.

And God help you if something goes wrong with your plans when you book a flight through these sites. I've heard some real nightmare stories. Like this one here.

Or this one.

Alternatives:

Look up the price on these sites, then call the hotel directly. Many times they are more than happy to check with their manager, confirm the online rate, and match it or come within $10 of it. In this case, you have more control over your stay, room type and preferences. If the first hotel doesn't accept your proposition, call their competition.

If you are a carefree traveler just looking for the best deal, by all means these sites can save you money. But if you are a complainer who wants a Cadillac for the price of a Kia, you're going to be upset.

You are officially a smarter consumer.

What you can learn from Brazil's gun control laws

2009-05-04T14:51:00.001-07:00

Although I am a staunchly conservative individual, I read the New York Times daily. It has a lovely little mobile-friendly site that I can pull up on my smartphone in seconds. I stay away from the Op-Ed page unless it's written by William Kristol or Thomas Freidman, but I enjoy much of the paper's content. I like to, you know, stay on top of what they're shovelin' over there and love to discover bias in hard news stories.

One of the Times's best attributes is its penchant for doing feature stories about little known issues or places. It simply has more resources than most other outlets (although that may not continue much longer), and is able to support this kind of necessary journalism.

In yesterday's edition, I read this article entitled "Fearful Brazilians Keep Armored Car Sales Booming".

Anyone who knows anything of substance about Brazil knows that it is an extremely troubled place. It is glorified for its beautiful half naked mixed-race women and postcard worthy beaches. In reality however, Brazil is one of the most violent, crowded, and sin-infested countries on earth.

For example, did you know that Brazil's homicide rate is 4 times higher than that of the U.S.? In 2005, 55,000 Brazilians were murdered. In comparison, that is a few thousand more dead civilians than were killed in Iraq in its first three years of war.

Armed robberies, kidnappings, rapes, and other petty theft is even more rampant and oftentimes go unsolved or unreported altogether.

Going back to the Times article, ordinary citizens in Brazil's largest city, Sao Paulo, are resorting to purchasing armored cars to protect themselves. Armed thugs rob motorists as they they are trapped in in Sao Paulo's infamously clogged arteries.

People are simply not safe in the megalopolises of Rio de Janeiro, Brasilia, and Sao Paulo; naturally, they fear for their lives. Sadly, the people who purchase armored Volkswagens capable of withstanding Uzi fire are acting upon necessity.

There are a myriad of causes behind Brazil's rampant violence. Latin America is just messed up by nature. The gaps between rich and poor are massive and probably always will be. With that being said, the biggest culprit here is Brazil's government itself.

Brazil has some of the toughest gun control laws in the world. In response to its warzone-like crime rates, the government implemented strict new laws in 2004 that disarmed much of the law-abiding populace. The following laws were put on the books:

1) Anyone carrying a gun without a license faces a 4 year prison sentence (good)

2) Licenses to carry are only granted to police, army, and security personnel (bad)

3) Legal age to own/buy guns raised from 21 to 25 (bad)

4) Waiting periods to purchase guns take a minimum of 30 days (bad)

5) No handguns larger than a .38 Special are allowed (bad)

6) No semi-automatic long guns (rifles/shotguns) are allowed (bad)

Before these abominations came into law, the government offered civilians up to $100 for each gun they turned in.

Now let's be real here, unless these are young favela kids turning in stolen guns, the only other people who would abide by these turn in offers would be law-abiders. Why would the criminals do it? They're criminals and already break the law for a living. Hmmm...

Despite my arguments, Sao Paulo has claimed to have significantly cut down homicides in recent years, and of course, the government is claiming victory because of its laws. I don't buy it.

The chart below shows a drop in homicides in Sao Paulo, but indicates small increases in both Brasilia and Rio.

The Economist offers some real ideas in this article. Any drops in crime rates should be because police have been doing a much better job of actually solving crimes and putting murderers in jail for a change. This is in addition to good economic development during these years (although that is not the case now obviously), and a shift in age demographics. There is now a smaller population of youths aged 15-24-- many of which were involved in the crime boom of the 1990s and early 2000s.

Despite a small drop in murders in the last few years, armed robbery is obviously still a glaring monstrosity in Brazil, hence the Times article that started this whole blog.

Americans don't have these problems for a million different reasons, but a significant one is that armed thugs cannot assume that their potential victims are unarmed. Imagine if handguns for Brazilians were legal, even small calibers like a .380 or even a .22.

A $200 .380 semi-auto that can easily fit into a purse or glove box, and is not only a deterrent to carjackers or street hoodlums, but they are man stoppers.

The alternative is living in defenseless fear or dropping $22,000 to get your Passat armored.

Again, what strict gun control governments do not understand, is that an unarmed population is at complete risk of being terrorized by an underworld of violent young men and gangs of roving criminals. To really crack down on criminals, make the mandatory gun charges 10 years, require gun safety classes, and make permits readily available to law-abiding citizens. The alternative is simply too dangerous.

These people are indeed being terrorized constantly as this excerpt from that Times article explains:

"For Alessandra Amara, a bulletproof car became a necessary expense three years ago, she said, after she was robbed for the 11th time in little more than 10 years. “Having an armored car in this city is essential,” said Ms. Amara, 34, who works in the financial department of a car dealership. “I have been robbed every way imaginable.”

How would you react after the first robbery? First thing I would do is march down to Western Sport Shop or the like and put in for a .357 magnum or .45 semi-automatic.

Imagine being robbed 11 times!

The Brazilian government has put its citizens at risk, and should be taken to task over it.

Cowards of the county: Your 2008-09 San Jose Sharks

2009-04-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

I cannot begin to express in words what I feel about the Sharks right now. They are undoubtedly the most disappointing team I've ever rooted for, and keep in mind that I am a devout follower of the Golden State Warriors.

I saw this coming. I wrote on March 5th, that it was time to panic. I didn't even heed my own wisdom. I guess that's where blind love and fanaticism gets you.

Since I an unable to express myself in a constructive manner, I will let various sportswriters do my talking for me. If you're a masochistic Sharks fan, let your stomach keep churning:

Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle:

"The first act of the Sharks' postmortem ought to be for ownership to buy one arena-sized Presidents' Trophy banner - and 15,000 souvenir versions for each player, coach, investor, season-ticket holder and media member - with the bold legend, "Because we're all stupid."

"...they should all enjoy those Presidents' Trophy banners. Especially if they're made from the same material as ShamWows. At least that way, you can mop up a spill with them."

Mark Purdy of the San Jose Mercury News:

"Perhaps the Sharks did not look at that Presidents' Trophy closely enough. Did they check the fine print? Maybe the trophy was named in honor of William Henry Harrison — the U.S. president who died of pneumonia on just his 32nd day in office. Even so, William Henry lasted 20 days longer than the Sharks did this spring as presidential standard bearers.

The Sharks were supposed to be built to handle anything. They couldn't even handle the top line of the eighth-seeded Ducks or their previously anonymous, inexperienced Swiss goalie.

After such a rancid display — one that basically took dynamite to the carefully formed how-to-win-a-Cup philosophy of Sharks General Manager Doug Wilson — the next steps for him and the franchise will not be easy. Or simple.

Well, except for one part. It's hard to fathom that Patrick Marleau can remain with the Sharks. He has to be traded..."

Tim Kawakami also of the Merc:

"The Sharks' best two players aren't leaders, aren't even wax-dummy approximations of leaders, and every spring we see the price the franchise pays for it.

I've been around a few winning teams (though not in the Bay Area recently!), and the essential element never varies: The best players are also the emotional leaders.

It's time for Marleau and Thornton to be broken up. They should have been broken up last year, but Wilson gave them one more chance because that was the easy choice."

Scott Burnside of ESPN.com:

"At the start of the playoffs, we posed this question about the San Jose Sharks: If not now, when?

And in the wake of yet another stunning playoff collapse, the answer seems patently obvious: Never.

At least not until dramatic changes are made with a franchise that has become California's hockey answer to baseball's Chicago Cubs.

The culture of losing is deeply embedded in this team. Ownership will need a strong stomach if it wants to change the pattern. Many owners lack that kind of stomach. We'll see what kind of stuff ownership is made of, or whether it will be more of the same in the Choke Tank."

TV Shows that need saving

2009-04-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

I was just browsing around CNN.com, when I found a list of currently running network TV shows that have yet to be renewed for next season. That doesn't mean they're canceled, but it means that they are possibly on the brink of death, and the head jerks at each network are mulling over their futures. Here is the entire list as it appears on CNN.com:

“Better Off Ted”, ABC

“Castle”, ABC

“Chuck”, NBC

“Cold Case”, CBS

“Dollhouse”, Fox

“Eleventh Hour”, CBS

“Everybody Hates Chris”, CW

“My Name is Earl”, NBC

“Privileged”, CW

“Samantha Who?”, ABC

“Sit Down, Shut Up”, Fox

“Southland”, NBC

“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”, Fox

“The Unit”, CBS

“The Unusuals”, ABC

“Without a Trace”, CBS

Honestly, I am truly surprised by a few of these, especially the lot of CBS "action-dramas" that could be on the chopping block. Of course, that ghastly "Sarah Conner Chronicles" has to go. I can't say I even heard of the rest of them.

"Without a Trace" and "Cold Case" have been two of my favorite shows for awhile. Unfortunately, these two Bruckheimer-produced cop/FBI dramas have gotten a little stale. People are a little sick of the same formula. It's always some case presented, the team tries to solve it, everyone's always too attractive, then the case gets solved with seconds to spare! Another 46 minute miracle! At least with these two shows, there's not always a happy ending, you know, sometimes there's a dead body at the end.

Both these shows have had nice runs, but they definitely still have followings and it might be unwise to terminate them at this point. It's tough to start up new shows these days. But in an effort to save money, the networks may go after more reality programming. Sure as hell cheaper than producing a Bruckheimer show with 6-8 person casts.

With "Cold Case" what did they expect the ratings to do? They banished it to 9pm on Sundays. This new time slot will always lose out to FOX and its cartoons. Dumb. Despite this, the veteran Philadelphia-set detective show is nearly on par with "24" in the ratings game.

"Without a Trace" is my pick between these two to be saved. Badass characters like Jack Malone and the extremely hot Elena Delgado (Rosalyn Sanchez) are well liked. Besides, it drew 13.2 million viewers last Tuesday, good for 9th on the Nielsen list.

Also surprising about this list is CBS's "The Unit". I haven't watched this since season one, but I remember it being pretty badass. They did some cool stuff and killed a lot of bad guys. Plus, how can you not be a Dennis Haysbert fan? He's the man. Unfortunately people are no longer watching it. This one could be a casualty.

Why I really started to write this though is in support of NBC's "Southland".

This is truly the best show to come out of network TV since "Criminal Minds". It is raw, uncut, and is half reality show, half "The Shield".

It stars the dude from the "O.C", Regina King, Kevin Alejandro, and a cast of other slightly recognizable character actors. It focuses on Los Angeles city police officers as they deal with inevitable heinousness that goes with patrolling the most disgusting streets in America.

My severe dislike of Los Angeles is perhaps why I love this show so much. It is the most disturbingly gross city in this great union of ours, and it is constantly glamorized-- perhaps because every show, movie, and Kelly Clarkson single is written, produced, and recorded somewhere in LA. It's truly ridiculous.

And while the CSI series only dwells on hot housewives in white pants while city employees drive $55,000 Hummers and Denalis, "Southland" attempts to portray things the way they really are.

Of course not all police officers are chauvinist jerks, racists, or inappropriate to the city's population as some have been in several episodes so far, but that's what makes this a drama and not a reality program-- or perhaps vice versa...

What I love about this show though is that they deal with real stuff. They respond to gang warfare in Highland Park and South Central, this is a world where Mexicans and Blacks really do kill each other for no reason other than the color of their skin. While Horatio Caine has never once driven into Little Havana on CSI Miami, these cops on Southland are shooting gangbangers on 135th and Figueroa.

Another nice touch is that the characters on the show will use foul language that is bleeped out. It really adds to the grittiness of it. Real people swear, you know? Also, I noticed that there is zero soundtrack. No dramatic nonsense music in the background, no absurd dialogue-less montages. I don't remember the last time I did my job to an MGMT soundtracked montage... do you?

I sincerely hope NBC brings back "Southland". They have very little going for themselves over there other than "Law & Order: SVU" and people will get into this show. It might take them a little while, but they will love it.

In other news, RIP Pontiac. It's not your fault. We will never forget the GTOs and Trans Ams of yesterday's lore. Also, if you're looking for a car, the 361 horsepower Pontiac G8 is one sweet ride that should be deeply discounted.

Lie or lose: Miss California gets blacklisted

2009-04-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

I don't pay any attention to beauty pageants. Never have, probably never will. However, after reading several headlines about how the Miss USA runner-up lost the paegent, I really got riled up.

Celebrity gossip columnist/blogger person (and extremely gay dude) Perez Hilton asked Miss California Carrie Prejean, "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?" Prejean responded:

"We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

That response, according to Hilton, "...lost her the crown, without a doubt!"

Also, in this Fox News article, it becomes apparent that two of Prejean's biggest backers and organizers of the Miss California paegent Shanna Moakler and Keith Lewis, totally ignored Prejean following the competition and have ripped her publicly. Apparently it is okay for Moakler to take off her clothes in Playboy (2001), but not okay for Prejean to believe in traditional marriage. Sorry. My bad. I guess I don't know what family values are anymore. Prejean is so obviously a horrible person.

Give me a goddamn break.

Again, I don't care about these types of competitions-- they mean nothing to me. I am however, offended by the fact that people can no longer hold dissenting positions in certain forums-- especially in Hollywood.

Think about it, how many openly conservative actors are there in Hollywood? Very few. People are afraid to "come out" with their political views for fears of being blacklisted. It is far more acceptable in Hollywood to put out a sex tape a la Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton or become a drug addicted derelict/deviant a la Lindsay Lohan or Amy Winehouse, than it is to state your valid beliefs on gay marriage or Barack Obama. It is such a militantly liberal atmosphere, that retribution against anyone different is usually imminent. It truly is the height of hypocrisy.

With that said, this particular contest is a sham if the judges themselves are obviously biased. That's like a professional football player asking a Miss USA contestant what her favorite sport is, then blasting her and voting her down when she honestly answers "soccer".

Apparently, being Miss USA entails intangibles like courage, integrity, empathy, and intelligence. It's sad to see that someone can retain all those characteristics and still get skewered like that simply for answering a question honestly.

I guess she should have lied. What a great message.

Cattle Branding for Dummies by a Dummy

2009-04-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

Before I begin this article, two quick editor's notes about my Jail Blazers article. I shouldn't have insinuated that Dale Davis was a stoner, because he was never proven as such, and I should have included Isaiah "JR" Rider as the original Jailblazer. Although Rider was gone while most of this was going on, his criminal history and poor attitude kicked off the discontent of Blazer fans in Portland.

Anyway.... off to cooler topics.

I work indoors. I don't have to sweat or get sunburned or smell like manure to earn my dollar. Some folks do. Some folks get up at 5am to drive somewhere just to work in the hot sun with a bunch of animals all day so that they can both earn a buck and provide Americans with the opportunity to purchase meat and dairy.

I took part in my first cattle branding a couple days ago, and it sure was an experience. As my friend Nate has told me, sometimes these brandings turn into real hootenannies complete with kegs, and strippers. I have yet to verify any of these stripper-infused branding events, but I would definitely like to be present at such a gathering.

Nate's herd of cattle consisted of around 150 heifers (females) that were all less than a year old. He leased a nice piece of acreage in Rio Vista, CA for them to graze, and they'd been running free for awhile.

Our first task was to rustle them up. So Nate hopped on his horse and I hopped on a quad (ATV). We tried to force them through one fence opening, but they refused to wade through six inches of standing water. So we funneled them through another opening until we had them all penned up in the corral.

Cows are almost like schools of fish. They change direction all together and prefer to have strength in numbers. If they had any brains, they'd scatter everywhere and try to run us over. More on that later.

It was my job to subdivide the cattle into different "sub-corrals". I'd push 25 or 30 of them from the main corral into a smaller one. Then from there, I'd herd anywhere from 8 to 15 of them into another pen. The gate was on a hinge that allowed me to expand or contract the size of the corral to my liking. The only problem was that if the cattle aren't given enough room, they'll all end up turned the wrong direction and won't move on into the chute. That's the most difficult part.

To get the cattle from the 3rd sub-corral into the single file chute, you have to first get them to turn around. Loud noises and banging on the gates work, but then your job is only half done. From there, either a hotshot to the rump (cattle prod) or a cattle paddle held used properly gets them going into the chute. After about 50-75 cattle, I finally figured out how to use the paddle. One can direct cattle with it by holding it alongside of their eyes. They try to avoid it and generally run straight. If they are turned in the right direction, a simple shock with the hotshot will get them headed into the chute.

Meanwhile, the other cowpokes will be operating the "squishing apparatus" as I coined it. Unfortunately our promised help bailed on us, so my buddy had to catch, brand, inject, and tag each cow by himself. That's usually the job of 2 or 3 guys.

Basically, when the next cow gets hotshotted down the chute, one guy will close an opening around the head, then pull another lever to hold the cow's body tightly in place. Then a third lever is pulled to keep the next cow from interfering. Of course, each assembly line is different and I'm told that some are automated and use hydraulics. Sounds nice.

Once the cow is caught, the branding takes place. Every rancher has their own brand, whose location on the cow and design must be registered. Nowadays open flames are not used. In our case, we ran a generator that powered a branding iron that is basically a stove element. Nate's was a 1500W beast that reached upwards of 600 degrees. Just picture turning your electric stove on high. A new technique called freeze branding is in use by "hippie" ranchers, but it isn't as effective and isn't legally recognized in many states.

The brand must be done cleanly, or someone could steal your cattle. This mark is indelibly left on the cow for its lifetime, so it must be done right. The iron burns off substantial amounts of cow hair before it hits the skin, so a pretty serious cloud of smoke occurs.

It is... pungent to say the least. It also stings the eyes. You better hope you have a breeze going on, or you are in for a long day.

Once the brand looks like brown saddle leather, it's on to the inoculations.

Each injection is meant to promote the cow's health and resistance to diseases and infections that they may encounter. At $3-5 a head, these shots get pricey. Next up is eartagging.

Each cow is given an ear tag-- I've learned that the best are Allflex ear tags which can be customized with the ranch's name on it. Blank tags run about $1.10 and customized ones run about $1.25. Again, cattle ranching is a numbers game. To make money, you need to have a lot of them. Then again, if you're running inoculations at $4.00 a head and using custom Allflex tags at $1.25 apiece, you're looking at $525.00 per each hundred head of cattle. That of course doesn't include what you paid for them in the beginning, what it costs to lease feed lots like the one we were at in Rio Vista, or anything else. You need to spend a lot to make anything in this industry.

Anyway, once the cow is branded, inoculated, and tagged, they're free to roam again, until their maker comes calling and they get turned into hamburger meat or a delicious ribeye steak.

A few more points/misconceptions to discuss:

1) Branding is cruel

Sorry, it's really not. These beasts have extremely thick skin and a hot iron to their hip for 10 seconds is really no different than the elective tattooing that us humans subject ourselves to. The eartagging is no different than getting our ears pierced. As for cattle prods, yeah, it may not be nice, but come on. These are generally 8,000 volt shocks. Tasers that people use to bring down humans? A minimum of 25,000 volts. Cattle are stubborn, stupid creatures, and they don't reason well. No hotshotting? No progress. Argument dismissed.

2) You are barbaric moron cowboys! You make me sick! How can you treat an animal that way? How would you like it if someone did that to you?

A few things. I just debunked your theory of how this stuff hurts cattle. Secondly, this is part of the process. Each cow costs anywhere from $.70 - $1.10 per pound at the saleyard. They're sold at a little bit less per pound once they grow up. Let's say that you bought a 500 lb. cow. You paid $400 for it. When it comes time to sell it off, that cow weighs between 800 and 900 lbs. (we'll say 850 for this argument) and is worth about .70/lb. at that point. It's now worth $595. That's a profit of $195 per cow, for a perfect world scenario of $19,500 in gross sales, $14,500 in gross profit, and even less that goes into the bank after feed expenses, land leases, fuel, etc.

So basically, the crazy PETA people and wacko vegetarians believe that individual $10 dollar collars with nametags should be made up for every cow on the lot. Forget that a raising a small herd of 100 costs an incredible amount to feed and maintain. It is simply ridiculous for these animal-rights loons to condemn a practice that is in fact the ONLY legal recourse that ranchers have when ownership issues arise. There is simply no way around it. It is a fact of life, and it is a legally binding mark. People's livelihoods are at stake, and one must protect his investment.

In addition, if you have ever enjoyed a hamburger, steak, chicken, or any other meat, then you have no right to complain. It's the real world, and this is how it's done. It's not for the faint of heart.

3) All beings are sacred, and deserve respect:

Excuse me while I vomit in my mouth. And no offense to Indians and Hinduism, but you definitely coulda picked a better animal to be sacred. Seriously. How about a smart monkey or a Yellow Lab?

After working closely with cattle for 8 hours, I can now tell you that they are without a doubt, the stupidest, most disgusting creatures I've ever dealt with. I'm told that only pigs are more disgusting.

Cattle crap all over themselves and each other constantly. Once in the chute while closely packed together, one cow crapped directly onto the head of the cow immediately behind it. It was not a pretty picture. In fact, if cattle had any brains at all, they wouldn't listen to you at all, they'd stay put or charge you. They're the ones that weigh 500-900 pounds. Trust me, after screaming at them all day and stepping in their feces every step, you learn to look at them as the pieces of meat and dollar signs that they are.

4) Koehn Cattle Paddles suck

These industry standard paddles last less than any product should. They are good finesse instruments for sorting cattle, and they have the right idea. However, the plastic breaks too easily, and the lack of telescoping shafts really hamper you. If I couldn't reach the cattle on one side of the fence, I'd have to climb over one and climb halfway up another in order to move the cows. All I really needed was another foot or so. Is that so much to ask? Get your act together Koehn. There's no reason that a tree trimmer or pool net can extend itself and that your paddles can't.

Please enjoy the video of us below. If you are reading this on an email newsfeed or on Facebook. Please click here.

The Jail Blazers Revisited

2009-04-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

I just got finished reading about Buffalo Bills' Safety Donte Whitner, who was arrested at Ted Ginn's birthday bash in Cleveland last night. The Bills are now officially the 2005 Cincinnati Bengals. Once you have 3 guys (Ko Simpson, Marshawn Lynch being the others) get arrested in the span of a year, then add Terrell Owens, you've got lightning in a bottle. Expect fireworks.

That got me thinking. Anyone remember the Portland Jail Blazers of yesteryear's lore?

Ah yes, the most absurd group of dope smoking, wife-beating, salary stealing NBA players in history. With the help of Wikipedia and others, my memory has been sufficiently jogged. I had forgotten about half these guys, and I keep thinking, "Oh man! He was on there too? No way!"

And lest we forget that Portland has finally dug themselves out of this rut, albeit nearly 10 years later with purely even-keeled personalities that verge on lame. Hey, at least basketball is back in the Rose City.

Imagine having these guys at your house all at one time. Better keep the pepper spray handy!

This is the group of mongrels that nearly destroyed it. Granted they all didn't play together at one time and not all their offenses occurred while a Blazer, but this really is just establishing character:

Jermaine O'Neal - Nothing as a Blazer, but he didn't help matters... he went loco during the "Malice at the Palace" so I doubt he was a saint while he was there

Rasheed Wallace - Quite a body of work:

Led the league in technical fouls in 1999-2000 with 38, then broke his own record with 40 the next year; threatened sleazy then-referee Tim Donaghy on a loading dock and was suspended 7 games (huh, guess he was right about him!); Arrested in 1996 (while on Washington); arrested for dope possession; fined thousands of dollars by the NBA for boorish behavior over the years

Qyntel Woods - Plead guilty to animal cruelty charges for pit bull fighting. Also arrested for marijuana possession. Now plays in Poland.

Rod Strickland - Dope Smoker, bad teammate

Damon Stoudamire - Police arrived at Stoudamire's home because a burglar alarm was going off. Upon entering, they smelled dope. They found almost a pound of grass hidden in a crawlspace. Stoudamire was
arrested multiple times for dope possession while on the Blazers. He also tried to sneak an ounce of greenery through a Tuscon airport metal detector. Idiot.

Shawn Kemp - Has fathered 7 children out of wedlock (and the number is actually thought to be higher), and was once arrested for dope and blow possession.

Ruben Patterson - The biggest scumbag of all.

Patterson was signed after he plead no contest to sexual assault and was a registered sex offender while on the Blazers. He had attempted to rape his childrens' nanny. He also assaulted a man who scratched his car, as well as attacking his wife multiple times. Man of the year.

Dale Davis - Probably a big time stoner. Seriously. No way he wasn't.

Derek Anderson - The swingman was once "spotted in 2005... going through a drive-through window at McDonald’s while his team was playing a game at the Rose Garden."

Darius Miles - Used the "N" word toward his coach Mo Cheeks which Cheeks found offensive, suspended by the league for dope smoking, and is also one of the biggest wastes of God-given athletic ability in history

Bonzi Wells - Typical Jail Blazer. Bad teammate, quit on the team, smoked dope, said "...the fans don't matter to us" in an interview, and stripped of his captaincy after cussing out his coach

Zach Randolph - Arrested for smoking dope and driving, sucker punched his sex offender teammate Ruben Patterson in the face, breaking his eye socket, being lazy, and not playing defense. Oh yeah, and according to Oregonian reporter John Canzano, the cops were studying Randolph's MTV Cribs episode because known felons appeared to be lounging at Randolph's house.

My two favorite stories come courtesy of The Big Lead by way of Canzano:

"Whenever the Blazers sign a player to a 10-day contract the equipment manager provides the player with a free set of team-issue luggage. Sort of a welcome gift. Nothing incredibly fancy, but it’s way better than the stuff I have. So Omar Cook is signed a couple of years ago, and the luggage is placed in front of his locker. Cook was flying in from out of town, so he’s not there yet. Ruben Patterson, the team’s registered sex offender, sees the luggage, knows Cook isn’t around yet, and Patterson basically just decides he’s going to abscond the luggage. He just rips the name tags off and takes it. Nobody says a word, either. It’s not anything violent, but it demonstrates the lack of decency and respect that permeated."

And this one as well, from the same article:

"Another time, in the visiting locker room in Dallas, I had Rasheed Wallace threaten to punch me after a playoff-game loss. Deadline was approaching, I’m the only writer in the locker room and I’m asking Rasheed questions, and he whips around, and tells me to get out of his space or he’s going to punch me out. At that point, his teammates are all looking to see how I react, and in no way am I going to back down. I’m looking at Rasheed, and thinking if he takes a swing I’m going to try and stuff him into the locker behind him if only because journalists everywhere need me to man up in that situation. Either that, or I’m going to get knocked out and blow my deadline. So I tell him I’m not moving. I just stand there, holding my notepad and recorder, and we’re staring at each other. He eventually storms past me to the shower, and while he’s gone Zach Randolph, a rookie then, leans in to me and says, “When ‘sheed comes back, make sure you don’t have your back to him. He’ll sucker punch you.” The great irony is that a month later Randolph sucker-punched Ruben Patterson during a practice breaking his eye socket. Someone was holding Patterson’s arms when Randolph threw the haymaker. There was a period of a few days after that incident where Randolph hid out at Dale Davis’ house because he feared that Patterson was going to try and shoot him."

Just ridiculous! I sure glad this era is over... it sure puts the Bills' problems to shame!

Jerks, O'Reilly, and yes, the Octomom

2009-04-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

-- So, two posts ago, I was right by calling the Pittsburgh cop killer an anti-semite nutcase-- as evidenced by this CNN article. I'm just happy they caught this son of a bitch alive so that he can suffer in prison for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, he probably now has street cred with the Aryan Union in lockup.

-- So the Octo Mom is fishing for a reality show? Really? I never saw that one coming. She states that one of her reasons is to get off of government assistance. Wow. How noble of you Nadya. Maybe you should have thought of the taxpayers before you had the first 6 kids. Anyone think that if the Octo-loon is plastered all over VH1 or TLC on a nightly basis that Angelina Jolie will have 9 Romanian and Zimbabwean embryos implanted in herself surgically just to one up her? Seriously. I could totally see her doing that. She's probably wearing a vial of Brad's seed around her neck for such purposes. Gross, but... I put the early odds at 30-1, with the over/under of total embryos to be at 4.5. Any takers?

-- On that note, I spoke with a guy a few weeks ago waiting in line. I don't remember how this came up, but he said he was from Whittier (CA). I was like, "Oh. Whittier. Home of the Octomom."

And his response was:

"Yeah! That bitch! It's gotten so bad, I tell people I'm from Chino!"

Yikes... that is bad. Hilarious though.

-- This could be the best novelty shirt of all time. Seriously, give it a click, especially if you're a fan of George Costanza.

-- More Bill O'Reilly bashing by liberal rap music supporters masquerading as journalists. Billy Johnson, Jr. wrote a blog that Yahoo has on its front page blasting O'Reilly's take on Eminem's new video and song that objectifies and denigrates Sarah Palin.

He of course says it's all in fun, and insinuates that Bill is only defending Palin because they're both conservative. He pointed out that Bill didn't jump to the defense of Jennifer Anniston and Lindsay Lohan, who Eminem also mocked. Not the same thing. Jen can't stop feuding with Brangelina in the tabloids and Lindsay Lohan... uh... well... you know.

Bill O's point is, that women's rights groups are all far left organizations that only defend high profile women who fit their ideology and that Eminem is a classless slimewad.

O'Reilly was skewered and smeared all over the place for making a joke about journalist Helen Thomas-- calling her the "Wicked Witch of the East."

Not only does Helen Thomas look like the Witch of the East, but she sounds like her too. Anyway, the online sleaze merchants were all over him over it.

At the time, Bill quipped, "If I were Obama I would've poured water on her, and she'd dissolve."

It was funny, and wasn't as bad as Eminem saying he was going to "----" Sarah Palin while a scantily clad Palin impersonator was lying prone on a table with a polar bear dancing in the background.

So, Mr. Johnson, Jr. The point is, women's rights groups jump to the defense of Helen Thomas, but not Sarah Palin. Anyone who thinks that Mrs. Palin doesn't carry herself with class and dignity is a simpleton and a jerk. (And probably not reading this).

The other point is that 90% of rap music is morally repulsive and denigrates women. Made by jerks, listened to by jerks. Seriously. It is one facet of the downfall of Western Civilization.

-- Really sad stuff with Angels' pitcher Nick Adenhart. The guy had just pitched the game of his life against the Oakland A's, and then... some piece of human garbage took his life away. It's so sad... and weird in a way. I was watching the guy on Sports Center before I went to sleep, then I woke up the next morning to hear he was dead. He had some nasty breaking stuff going and was only 22. I was considering picking him up on my fantasy team.

He was killed by a drunk driver on a suspended license for you guessed it... DUI.

Can we please save California the money and just run this guy over with a Hummer? He doesn't deserve a trial or a life in a cell. He just deserves to get run over by a car. So upsetting.

ESPN's Jerry Crasnick wrote a great piece about Nick.

Time for the MLB scheduling retards to get a clue

2009-04-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

This is going to be short and sweet-- but I need all 15 of my readers to hear this.

Major League Baseball's scheduling department is retarded. Not a PC way of saying things, but I don't care... in fact I've never cared about that.

Anyway, every opening day, 30 team fanbases rejoice, for it is Opening Day. There is nothing like it in any sport. It is a day of glorious hope and renewal, excitement, and pure euphoria. This could be the year!

Enter Mother Nature and Bud Selig's bumbling buffoons at MLB HQ.

"Oh I've got a great idea! Let's schedule the Rays to play IN BOSTON to open the season. Nevermind that they play in a dome and St. Petersburg is 75 degrees outside. Let's play it in Boston on April 6th, where they play outdoors! God I love my job. I'm brilliant"

Of course, opening day for Red Sox and Rays fans was totally ruined. Not because it is 40 degrees with 20 mph winds in Boston, but because the mental defectives in the scheduling department are just that-- mental defectives.

The same thing goes for Opening Day in ANY cold weather city without a dome or retractable roof. It was 38 degrees and pouring rain in Cincinnati. The White Sox and Royals had their game postponed in Chicago. This is just asinine.

And lest we fantasy baseball obsessives get any consideration either. Those of us with daily rosters who have been checking our teams incessantly for two weeks were totally screwed by all of this. I could have started Brad Hawpe AND Hank Blalock in one league over Jason Bay and Billy Butler, but was screwed by PPD'd games and early starting times. Of course Yahoo has something to do with this problem because games that are PPD'd shouldn't have locked in players-- but this should not be an issue.

This happened last year, lest we forget, when Cleveland and Seattle had an entire series SNOWED OUT because of a blizzard that came in off Lake Erie.

Hey MLB, get a clue! Here, I'll help you. There are 14 AL teams and 16 NL teams. You need 7 AL sites and 8 NL sites. End of story.

American League Sites: Minnesota, Seattle, Tampa Bay, Texas, Anaheim, Oakland, Toronto.

National League Sites: San Diego, San Francisco, Houston, Florida, Atlanta, Arizona, Milwaukee, Colorado.

END OF GODDAMN STORY. NO RAINOUTS. NO SNOWOUTS. NO WINDOUTS.

Why is this so hard????

AAAHHHHGHGHGHGHHHHHH!